Chapter 6:

Revelation and Regrets

Golden flames devoured a dying fish, producing tiny little sparkles as it feasted upon the fish's fresh flesh while occasionally burping in snapping sound. Lights flickered dim and bright in chaos, constantly fighting against the surrounding darkness. It represented an undying hope of a peaceful night, an everlasting dream of being free from the world bound by the rule's makers. It embodied a timeless glory of what used to be so immense, so wonderful, so majestic yet so far away, forever out of reach. It inherited a diminutive speck of the burning blaze sphere, just enough to deliver the warmth to those who were in need. Somewhat a relative, somewhat a connection, the fire was a son of his – the Almighty Sun that came from the sky above.

When the sun had set, without his presence, darkness rose, claiming the regal spot and ruled the land in black and blind. With darkness becoming the new ruler, creatures of shadows finally revealed themselves with their bright, crimson, bloodthirsty eyes and their long, sharp claws and teeth. Humans had been telling folktales about them through word of mouth, animals had done the same from generation to generation through word of genes, or so we called "natural instinct". To stand alone in the forest in the middle of the night is to become one with the dark, to embrace death, for the dark was cunning and mischievous, for we never belonged to it.

But there was something the dark had that the sun not – a glimpse of "the true outside world". A world above the endless sky, separated by a barrier between fiction and reality, home to many worlds like us, if possible, graveyard to many worlds not so lively. It was an incomplete picture of the universe, for its true size was something debatable, so vast and immense that not a human could imagine so.

Knowing that, the bear could not stop gaping at the starry sky.

The dusk came as a promise of starlight, of those brilliant pearls of the nighttime that sat as if cushioned upon pure black velvet. Stars embedded into the black night bring beauty to one another, as only complementary opposites ever could. They came to greet our eyes and lift both head and heart heavenwards. Even in the dark, there was the light of the stars, perhaps a promise that even when we yearned for the light of the sun there would be those stars to bring hopes of the dawn.

Through his robotic eyes, he saw a collection of specks of faintly glowed white dots that lazily drifted along with the cosmic flow, like a blanket that stretched to infinity. In places they were birthstone-blue and beautiful, all a-glitter in their heavenly finery. The ones furthest away, almost outside the span of his comprehension, were like flashing pinpricks in a veil of darkness. They had a faint, silver tint and looked like they were the distant, glittering sparks of snowfall in the sky.

So, this is what people called "the outer space".

The night's aroma pervaded the air, woven into a soft net, covering all the scenery inside. The only sound was the wind whistling through trees, with the occasional cricket chirping here and there if he were lucky enough to find one. The world became so peaceful that it was difficult not to relax completely while looking at this particular nighttime beauty. And then when he looked up, he would see a sight like no other. All the sky was teeming and tearing along, a vast disorder of flying shapes and darkness and ragged fumes of light and a great brown circling halo. A brightly shining full moon, a sea of tiny stars surrounding it, and a sky all around him, covered with blackness, speckled with beauty.

And he felt privileged to witness it.

Gregory's reaction might not be as terrific as the bear, for he had seen the night sky every night before. But never had he been able to observe such a spectacular and stunning sight due to the overwhelming lights of the suburban. Everything that came into contact with his eyes was covered in this soft net, they all have vague, illusory colours, each hiding its meticulousness.

He turned to look at the bear, who was still gaping at the magnificent sky.

"I guess this is your first-time stargazing?", said the boy. "You know, watching the stars?"

"It is indeed so.", the bear nodded; his head remained still. "I… I… I have no words to describe it. This… so-called 'space', I have read about it before. Never had I thought of such a world would exist up high in the sky, let alone the vastness of the world outside the Pizzaplex. So much to explore, yet so impossible to reach..."

Then he went silent for a moment, his ears perked up and down in union, before continuing his speech.

"The outer space seemed forever to me.", he mused in awe. "Is there a limit, or perhaps a barrier, a boundary of this world? Is it endless? Is it infinite? How long has it been 'there'? How did all of this happen in the first place? Is there a beginning to all of this? If so, when? And what happened before that? Nothing? How can there be something when it was transpired from nothing? A-And if there is no beginning, does it mean the world has always been there? H-How so?"

Gregory shot Freddy his greatly perplexed eyes. Sure, the bear was eager to learn, but he feared that this was a little bit too much as a starter chapter. Was it okay for the robot's programming, who kept asking questions that even he did not know? He didn't want to have the animatronic's circuit boards start sizzling in overheating though.

"Woah! Woah! Woah! Freddy, you need to calm down!", he remarked. "You kept asking difficult questions. How am I supposed to answer all of them at the same time?"

"O-Oh…", said the bear, whose ears stopped wriggling. "My apologies, perhaps I overreacted."

The boy sighed as he gave the bear an encouraging smile. "Let's start with something simple. How about the Earth? You know what it is, right?"

"Yes! Let us begin!", replied the bear excitedly.

Gregory looked around, before fetching him a stick nearby, then, he started drawing a large circle onto the sandy soil. After finishing sketching, he used the stick to point out a shape within the circle.

"This is the shape of the Earth, it is not a circle though, but actually a sphere since you can't fully depict a sphere on a flat surface.", he said. "The surface of the Earth is mostly covered in water – which is the oceans, while the rest is land – which is the continents. There are seven continents. If I remember correctly, there's North and South America, Europe, Asia, Oceania… and something else that I have forgotten. Sorry, I suck at geography. A-Anyways, we are currently in North America, in a country called the United States of America, or the USA for short. I guess you have already known that."

The bear carefully heeded every single word spoken by the boy. The outside world was so vast, forever stretching to the horizon. It was home to many kinds of flora, fauna and humans alike. It bore the responsibility both of mother nature and father sky, together forming a shelter, protecting their ephemeral and agile children from the constant deadly force from the outside. The land he stood upon was surrounded by the vast ocean, acting as a barrier, preventing him from venturing to the other land. He could not help but wonder what society would look like on the other side of the Earth.

"Can you explain why there is a day and night cycle? It is something I have been wondering.", probed the bear. "Apologies if it may sound too much to you."

"Oh, that's like preschool stuff.", he replied. "It's pretty easy to explain. The Earth spins around itself and the Sun, the half which receives sunlight is called day, while the other half sinks in total darkness is called night."

"I see, that would explain why.", remarked the bear. "About the Sun and the Moon, do you know… what they are?"

The boy blinked. "What do you mean what they are? The Moon is just a moon, and the Sun is a super-duper big and bright star, that's all."

"How big?"

"Oh, very big! Bigger than the biggest thing you could imagine!", he playfully replied. "People have measured its size, but I forgot the numbers. I think it could fit like… a million Earth inside it."

Freddy felt as if his lower jaw was about to fall off. This was a bit too much for him, even for something so basic and was considered as common sense.

"How did people know that!?", he demanded in disbelief.

"I don't know…?", responded the boy.

"If the Sun is that big, how was it so small when I looked at it in the sky?"

"That's because it was too far away. Even if you have a spaceship, it would still take you years to reach it!"

"Spaceship?"

The boy took a deep breath before starting to explain him.

More and more questions began to pop up, they flooded his central processing unit, overwhelming his mainframe, invading the information barrier as if there was no barrier at all. He tried to satisfy his curiosity side, but he did not expect it to be greedy and thirsty for knowledge. Were he dared to not ask more questions, it would heat up his electric components and force him to shut down from a short circuit. But this was not the time to probe for knowledge, not yet. He needed some time to revise the current information he had just received, to contemplate the vastness of the outside world which he now referred to as the Earth, to awe at the mysterious scenery up in the sky which implying that there was more to what the "world" really looked like.

Awe and bewilderment knocked him down like a feather. Words failed to describe his newfound sensation. These light bulb moments expanded his circle of knowledge, yet at the same time made him realize how little and insignificant he was compared to everything around him. The world, oh so big, yet so small to that of the empty space around it.

The bear light tapped his head, lifting it towards the starry sky.

"I… I used to think the world outside the Pizzaplex was vast and unending, it was until I learnt that it actually had a definitive size and shape. A very interesting knowledge, I must say.", mused Freddy. "Although, it reminds me of how naive and childish I once was. How embarrassing…"

"Really? I didn't know robots can feel embarrassed.", he chuckled.

"Thanks to the personality chip, I was able to convey more realistic emotions.", said the bear. "It can also help me learn new ones as well. They are the feelings that I have no words to describe. They are strange to me but perhaps normal to you."

"That's cool. But you should know that not everyone knows everything.", he replied. "You shouldn't be ashamed for what you don't know. It is always good to learn something new rather than entitling yourself to your own assumptions."

The bear looked at him for a while, then he switched his gaze to the ground, blinking in silence then returned the gaze at him again. "Perhaps, you are right."

Gregory smiled at the bear. After that, he stood up and went to look for pebbles lying on the riverbank. Freddy watched Gregory with a raised brow, but he dared not to question it, for he assumed the pebbles would help illustrate the picture so that he could understand easier. A minute later, the boy returned with a handful of stones varying in size and colour. Then, he proceeded to arrange them in a straight line while mumbling something under his breath.

"Alright, this should do the trick.", he said, dusting the dirt off his palms.

Freddy looked at the aligned rocks, eyes scanning for some kind of pattern but found nothing. They were not placed by size or colour sequence. What did the boy mean by assembling them in such a peculiar order? He had no idea what it was supposed to represent, assuming it by himself wouldn't do the job either. Too excited, he could not help but wonder what it was.

"This is the Solar System.", said the boy. "Imagine that the fire is the Sun, it is situated in the center, with eight planets revolve around it."

"What is a planet?", asked the bear.

"Um… a planet is like a gigantic sphere, it could be all rocky or just a bunch of gas. Earth is a planet, not the Sun though, it is called a star, but its shape is also a sphere.", he explained. "Sorry, I couldn't find any pebbles that looked like one."

"Are there other shapes as well?"

"No, only sphere ones, as far as I know. Anyways, as I said earlier, there are eight planets.", he continued as he used a stick to point at each stone. "This is Mercury, Venus, and then there's Earth – the only habitable planet, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune."

"Why isn't there anyone living on the other planets?", the bear questioned again.

"Well, you would be fried if you were too close to the Sun, and you would freeze to death if you were too far away from it. And there is no air to breathe. Earth, on the other hand, somehow managed to stay in between, that's how it can sustain life."

Freddy thought about it. It had to be a pure coincidence for this planet to have the right condition to create life. The harsh, strict rules that the world had to follow in order to become what it is now – the greenery of nature, the beauty of wildlife, the business of human civilizations. And then, there were the unfortunate ones, those who went too close to the scorching heat, only to be consumed by the flames, forever a part of it, and those who went too far astray from the life bringer, only to crumble in loneliness and solitude, forever alone with their own world and the space around them. Now that he thought about it, of how madly blessed, of how providentially auspicious everything was for him to be born into this world, to sing happy songs and melodies, to play fun games and celebrate birthday with the children.

He had never felt this grateful before.

Then again, the world he knew was only but a speck of portion compared to the outer space above him. Sure, he had seen "space" before, for he sometimes was able to go to Fazer Blaster to celebrate children's birthday. He knew that there was no air in space, so people had to wear a protective suit and a glass helmet. He knew that there was such a thing called aliens – the inhabitants who came from other planets, whose nature was to invade and conquer the Earth, or so he had been told. He did ask lots of questions, most of which never received an answer, most of which remained lingering in his database up until now.

The bear continued listening to Gregory's lecture about the Solar System and the Earth. The boy told him about how the Earth was formed around 4.5 billion years ago, where the land was mostly covered in molten rock and mountains that spew lava, how there used to be gigantic lizard creatures called "dinosaurs" roaming the surface, only to be wiped out completely by a big asteroid... He was surprised at how knowledgeable the boy was, let alone his stubborn independence and pigheaded attitude.

There were times he became too overprotective, fearing that unwanted things might catch up with the boy, only to be yelled at how overreacted he was. Sometimes that criticism hit him hard like a metal rod to the head, it sounded hurtful yet consisted of a few elucidative words that helped him illuminate. It contradicted his programming, forcing his processing unit to hastily counter it like a computer malware, resulting in intermittent visual glitches. He would run some diagnostic on himself a few times, only to detect nothing abnormal. The glitch wasn't supposed to occur whenever the processor fought against it, and he found it oddly strange and uncomfortable at the same time.

It hadn't happened before, not until the boy came along.

Gregory wished he could be able to tell the bear more about the outer space, for his knowledge had its limit. Never in his life had he missed reading books in the library so much. It used to be the place where he would spend most of his time during the day to hide from the annoying bullies, to quieten the thunderous screaming of children playing and running around, to settle down the earsplitting vrooming of the vehicles constantly speeding past the orphanage like a racing competition. There was even a computer in there, although not everyone was able to lay their hands on it. Thanks to his frequent appearance at the library, the librarian grew fond of him and permitted him to use the computer whenever he wanted, not for playing games of course.

With the computer, killing time was much easier and more efficient. It drove time to move twice as fast, making the day shortened by half, helping him practice focusing, teaching him the knowledge that some books did not have. Sometimes, he would search for images of the Pizzaplex as well as the animatronics, they had been on his wish list since he was very little, perhaps two or three. The bear had always been his favourite, probably because of how often he and the other children associated with the teddy bear whenever going to sleep. He wanted to celebrate his birthday party with the bear, he wanted to play with the bear, he wanted to hear the bear singing… but as expected, every wish was straightforwardly denied, they never listened anyway.

But now, that everlasting wish had finally come true, the bear was right in front of him, talking and walking, real and authentic. Heck! He even got to climb into the bear's chest cavity. How realistic must this dream have to be? Well, he was sure that this wasn't a dream, for how painful every scratch it was whenever he got hurt, for how tired he was for every gasp of air whenever he had to run away from the killer robots, for how true-to-life every experience was whenever it came to pass. He couldn't believe he was demonstrating to the animatronic what in the world a black hole was.

The smell of a recently grilled fish brought joy to his gluttonous stomach. He would definitely need more energy if he wanted to teach the bear more about space stuff because there was a lot of things to talk about. Not only he felt excited talking about it, but he also found the bear's excessive reaction amusing and hilarious, at the same time, he worried that he might cause the bear to have another existential crisis.

And that he might intentionally have.

Freddy had been keeping his gaze locked at the night sky above, remaining mesmerized by its enigmatic beauty. At first, he thought the bear was still paying attention to him, but as time flew past, he began to notice how deeply submerged in the sea of mind the animatronic was.

But he wasn't really enjoying the moment, Gregory knew it for sure.

"Freddy,", he tried to call out, "are you… okay? You looked a bit distracted."

The bear jumped a bit, he then switched his gaze to the boy. "O-Oh! I am very sorry, I did not pay attention to what you have been saying. Pardon me if I asked you to repeat it again?"

"Is something wrong?", he asked, not answering the bear's question. "I noticed that you were being down. What happened?"

Freddy did not move his jaw even an inch, instead, he just stared at the boy with his bright, glowing eyes amidst the surrounding darkness. With the chattering died down, the ambience slowly became clearer and clearer after each snapping sound made by the golden flames. A giggle of water travelled the brook, a bright and bonny stream. It was the keeper of deepest poetry, whispering sweet notes in cascading water-strings. Wind waved the tree branches as if in a raucous ballgame celebration, it came with that sense of balance, the wisdom to move yet at a steady calm pace. In echo to the song of the twinkling sky, they all sounded like soulful blues to him.

Having heard the boy telling him about the immensity of the outside world, the prodigiousness of the outer space, the unlimited possibilities of anything that he had missed, all of which made him feel insignificant to every aspect of the world, irrelevant to every corner of the universe, and perhaps inconsequential to even the most trivial thing he could think of. It forced him to stop listening to put two and two together, he must either be quick or slow on the uptake or let his circuit fried up, for time was limited and his power might not last long. If creation is the poem of the universe, he was but a speck of ink upon its page, forever remained as a tiny black dot that got separated from the meaningful poetry.

Has my life ever been meaningful?

Just his luck, this particular closed-ended question popped up from his profound thought and dreamy abstraction. Although, he felt as if the question itself wasn't that of a closed-ended question, but rather an open-ended one. Open-ended questions regarding past memories and experiences set off negative cascades of the "digital chemistry" of the mainframe that kept glitching the system. Conversely, open-ended questions about the beauty of nature or distant hopes and dreams set off positive cascades of the "binary reaction" of the central processing unit that help the mechanical healing process. He could feel these effects happening as the questions were asked, either a suppressive or elevating force in the folds of his circuit boards.

Using his memory database, he injected himself into a random piece of memory. It showed an image of a happy animatronic bear in orange-brown who beamed at everyone, anywhere, who would be there to comfort you at any time. Besides him, a supportive chicken in pink and white was laughing delightfully, a strong-minded wolf in red and grey was posing dramatically, and a hotheaded alligator in yellow and green was crossing his arms, seemingly huffed at the comical scene. There used to be someone else, though he dared not to recall it. They were all so blissful and jovial of everything around them, yet so ignorant and naïve of everything beyond their physical grasps.

No questions, no inquiries, not even a single thought and pondering of what would it feel like to live in a cramped and small space, of what it would feel like to always live repetitiveness and monotony, of what it would feel like to be able to step into the outside world and see the beautiful sights. He realized how he and his friends had always been living in big solitary confinement – a gigantic building that gave of a false hope of self-determination and liberty. Days by days, weeks by weeks, months by months,… as many years had passed by unawarely, as if the concept of time was oblivious and nonexistent, he had lived with his freedom of choice taken away upon creation, snatched by the greedy and malevolent people who hid from their guilt which as tall as stacking rocks into mountain crags.

"Gregory,", said the calm and collected voice of his, whose eyes still locked at the sky above, "were all of this to not ever occur, were you and I to remain at our respective places, would I still be loved and adored, despite my constant malfunctioning? Will I become an impediment, an obstacle that prevents my friends from reaching their dreams? Will I be no longer able to give joy to those who are sad, to sing a song to those who are in need of it?"

"I… I don't really know.", the boy could only say so. But if listened closely, you might even hear his conscience screaming out a curse word while accusing himself of causing the bear to have another existential crisis.

"I do not blame you, for the questions themselves even I cannot answer. Funny, is it not?", he responded with a weak and dry smile. "But… there is something else I must ask of you."

"I'm all ears.", grinned the boy.

"Gregory, if to you I was just a machine built by a company for entertainment purposes, what would you do as the company when I was no longer able to continue serving that purpose properly?"

The boy scratched his chin and his head, it didn't take long until he came up with an answer.

"Well, I would try to fix and improve you.", replied Gregory. ". Even if you are unable to perform anymore, everyone still loves you! I mean, you are a robot bear that can talk and feel like a person! Who in the world doesn't want to be friends with you? I can't give up on you that easily."

Of course, the boy would say that. He expected it, it was as predictable as a metronome. But it wasn't the answer he was looking for, so he had answered it himself: Designed to be a performing mannequin, being under constant control and supervision, he was no more than a stringless puppet that could sing, dance, light candles and throw a birthday party. His mere existence was just as important as a money attractor, a tool to gain profit from the children and adults alike. And when he became useless, they would toss him away like a machine with no proper function, they would scrap him for salvages to build another one like him – a victim of endless torment.

No longer trapped in the cursed place, never had he felt so grateful. Then again, he regretted not taking his friend with him when the opportunity came. Some brandished "selfish" as if it were a word-weapon, and often they are the ones who are selfish, entitled, unable to see the pains and needs of others as valid. And it was indeed that he was a selfish wretch who cared not about them, an egotistic rascal who was tempted by freedom while ignoring the fact that there were also people like him looking for it. Although he could not feel pain, there was something deep inside his code, the agony behind it. He feared that this "digital" pain would leave an invisible scar – a dark stain of a short circuit, a reminder of how selfish he used to be.

The bear continued to be mesmerized by the night sky. Perhaps, this was one of the only moments where he would find peace and tranquillity after a long and busy day. When all fun and chattering had finally died down, he would lie on the floor and stare at the fluorescent lights hanging on the ceiling while listening to its humming sound. Now that he was outside, there was nothing to stop him from doing it again.

Freddy rested on the sandy soil, he cared not they were stuck on his shell, he would do the cleaning by himself anyways.

"What are you doing?", asked Gregory.

"Watching the stars. It would be better if I lied down.", he replied. "Is there anything else you want to teach me?"

"Hm…", the boy mused, he was distracted by the mouthwatering aroma of the cooked fish. "I know a little about the constellations, it's like connecting lines using the stars to create a shape or something like that."

While heeding the boy talking about the constellations, the bear raised one of his hands as if wanting to touch the night silk. He wanted his friends to watch the stars with him, they would together listen to the boy's teaching about the vast space above while enjoying the gurgling of the nearby brook. He imagined their amusing reaction: shock, awe and amazement just like him. Oh, how he missed them. If possible, he would dash straight back into the Pizzaplex and convinced them to escape from that torturing prison and be free within the embrace of mother nature. Oh, yes, he would definitely do it, but he couldn't, had it not been for that damned reduced power protocol. He might have to come up with a plan with Gregory tomorrow and tell the boy his intention in freeing his friends.

Right now, everyone needed some rest, even a robot.

Core instability: 26%

"True freedom comes with a cost, that is, true freedom doesn't actually exist."