Chapter 165
"Okay, so I think we should play truth or dare." Jodi suggested.
"Yes! Let's play!" cheered Regan "I'll go first! I choose truth!"
"Regan, Have you ever cheated while in a relationship?" asked Jodi.
"Ooh, going straight to the good stuff!" said Grace. "Looks like we won't be holding back at all."
"Yes, but never on Dylan, or Dave for that matter. It was when I was younger and I still feel super guilty. I slept with my old ex boyfriend from high school while I was with my boyfriend from uni at the time. It was stupid, but it wasn't as stupid as when I was the other woman having an affair with a married guy. I'm more ashamed of that," said Regan.
"I never knew that you cheated on Liam at uni" cried Jaz. "So much for the bonds of sisterhood."
"I didn't know that either." added Grace "Why didn't you ever tell any of us."
"Because it was a shitty thing to do and I'm embarrassed to have done it. Kyle always played games with my head. I wasn't the best person when I was younger. I'm a much better person now, and I'm embarrassed about some of the stuff I did then. It was my pre-Drovers life." Regan explained. "Okay, my turn to ask someone. Jodi, Truth or dare?"
"I'll go truth." said Jodi.
"What is the worst thing you have ever done to someone else?"
"Letting everyone think I was dead. It was never supposed to go down like that. I was just going to disappear, and you all knew I was leaving, so it hurt, but at least you all knew I was going on to this new life with Matt, and that I was okay. When they told me they were killing Jodi Fountain McLeod, it was horrible. Seeing how hard everyone took it, especially Kate, it was horrible. I hurt all of you so deeply. I'm so glad I was able to come back and tell you I was alive. That was all thanks to Kate, the police wouldn't let me. I begged. Kate forced their hand because she was relentless in her investigation," said Jodi "It was so awful."
"Okay Grace, Truth or Dare?" Jodi asked
"Let's keep this truth train rolling. I'm too tired to do a dare right now, we rode all day and I'm a city slicker these days. My ass hurts," Grace confessed.
"Okay, what is the craziest or most adventurous place you have ever had sex?"
"Hmm, let me think." Grace was running through all the different places, but all of the exciting places were so long ago, nothing with Gavin. "Oh my God!, you guys, I used to be so wild, and everything recently is just so boring. What a let down."
"Oh I'm sorry Grace. I'm sure you and Gavin have done it somewhere interesting at some point." Jodi offered.
"Nope. Gavin wasn't adventurous, just the usuals, beds, couches occasionally, and well, I guess I'll just say it. Jaz's special engagement is over, I'm not spoiling it now. I won't be adding anywhere to the list with him. I'm divorcing Gavin." Grace confessed to her sister and cousins.
"Really? I'm so sorry, Grace." Jodi said.
"Why didn't you tell me?" asked Jaz, clearly surprised and upset.
"I didn't want to ruin your special proposal. It was so romantic and nice and this news was the opposite of that." said Grace.
"Did you know about this, Regan?" Jaz asked.
"She only told me a couple days ago. We went to the fair together, and she told me on the drive." Regan admitted "Grace asked me not to tell you. It's her news to share, not mine, Jaz."
"You're my sister, Grace, I would have been there for you. I would have flown out to Perth," Jaz said clearly hurt.
"I know, I just didn't want to bring you down or bother you. You and Ben are so happy and it's awesome. I didn't want to ruin that for you. Getting engaged is such a wonderful thing and I didn't want to taint it by mixing that memory with the one where you found out your sister's entire life was falling apart."
"Grace! Your whole life isn't falling apart. You still have your family. I love you!" Jaz hugged her sister. "Let me be here for you."
"We are all here for you Grace. We love you," Tess said. "I told you it's hard, and it is, but my divorce brought me so much closer to Jodi, and for that, I'd go through it all again. Splitting with Nick was hell, but my family was what brought me back out of it. We will do the same for you. There is light on the other end of this, I promise."
"I know. Being here with all of you has already helped so much. That's one of the reasons why I wanted to take this trip with all of you. Being with my McLeods, it makes everything else a little easier. I love all of you," said Grace.
"When you're ready, I will help you find a man who will have lots of sex with you in all sorts of exciting places." Jaz promised
"Thanks Jaz. Finding Gavin with some woman in our bed was really shitty, but losing our flat after I threw him out really hurt too. We had such a nice balcony. I had plants. We could see the ocean," said Grace. "Honestly, being here has been exactly what I needed. Wilgul is the perfect place to get back to what's most important. Family, open air, nature. It's still really raw, but I've started seeing that there's a path out of this. Okay, I'm sorry to be a buzzkill, I'll get back to the game. I never did answer the question. I used to be wild, so there were a few good options, but I did it in a moving elevator once. We had to hold the close doors' button the whole time. The sex itself was mediocre, but it was definetly more exciting knowing that the doors might open at some point. It was a long time ago though. Okay, now I get to ask someone."
"Tess, Truth or Dare?'' asked Grace.
"I'm not pushing fate with my back. I'm all truth."
"Okay, Tess, I'm curious, same question I got. Where is the craziest place you had sex?"
"Hmm, Well Nick and I had a thing with the tub out by the windmill, and the dam pond obviously, but Alex and I once did it on horseback, out by Skinny Jim's," admitted Tess.
"I'm not sure how to even pull that off," said Regan intrigued. She took another sip from the bottle and passed it to Jaz.
"Well, Alex rode the horse, and well, I rode Alex," Tess chuckled.
"Is anyone else very impressed right now?" expressed Jaz.
"I've done that too, with Matt," admitted Jodi, "although I didn't know you did, Tess. I guess sisters just think alike." Jodi winked at Tess.
"So Charlotte, Truth or dare?" asked Tess.
I think it would be unfair if I was the only one who didn't choose truth, but I don't know you all as well as you know each other, so gimme that bottle first." Charlotte took two big swigs from the bottle. "Okay, I'm ready."
"What is the biggest lie you ever told?" asked Jodi
"Okay, biggest lie? Hmm, well last year, some mates and I went off partying out at a friend's property out in the country, and I got pretty drunk, and I decided to drive all the way home. It was about forty-five minutes driving. As I was pulling into my driveway, I hit our mailbox. I knocked it right off the post, put a huge dent in it with the side mirror. I checked the car, and there wasn't any damage or paint or anything on it, so I parked the car and went into the house and passed out. When my dad saw it the next morning, I acted like I had no idea what had happened to it. I was so ashamed for having driven drunk, I've never said a word about it to anyone, until right now. I've also never driven drunk again. I make sure I limit how many I have, and I drink water and make sure I've eaten now. If it had been a person and not a mailbox, I could have killed someone. It haunts me," admitted Charlotte.
"Okay, so we should just call this game truth or truth because no one has picked dare yet." Jodi declared "Regan, truth or truth."
"I'm going with truth." said Regan, laughing at Jodi's point about no one every choosing dare.
"Did you and Dylan ever consider having kids, or was it always the plan to just enjoy each other's company?" asked Jodi.
"Well in the beginning, we both felt like we weren't ready for kids, even though we weren't really that young when we got together. I guess we just felt like things were so good, we didn't want to mess them up, but now, we both actually really desperately want kids. We have been trying for the last four years, and several rounds of IVF, but we haven't had any luck. I'm nearly forty, so we are accepting that it probably won't happen for us that way, but there is more than one way to become a mother. We actually have been working with a social worker for a while now, and we are hoping to be matched with a child for adoption. We could actually be matched any day now," Regan said filled with hope.
"Regan, why didn't you tell people you wanted kids?" Jaz asked.
"Well, it seemed like the best way to prevent people from asking us how it was going. I've gone through multiple fertility treatments and it's grueling and everytime it came back negative was just more heartbreak. I didn't want to have to keep sharing the heartbreak with everyone, so Dylan and I just figured we would keep telling people we didn't want kids. It just seemed easier. I've stopped the fertility treatments, and we have just jumped full on adoption now. I'm sorry we won't get to see a little mini Dylan, because my husband is so cute, but we can raise a child to be kind and hard working and give love and a family to a child who needs that." said Regan. "We could get a phone call any day now. We just have to sit and wait and hope it's going to happen eventually."
"Regan, I think that's wonderful. I can't wait to meet the child who will become yours. You and Dylan will be great parents." said Jaz as she gave her sister a hug. "I'm glad Kelly will have a cousin! Oh and I'll be an Auntie!" Jaz then took the now more than half empty whiskey bottle and put it to her lips. "I'll drink for Regan, the mom!"
"Regan, I'm thrilled for you. You will be a great mom." Tess gave her cousin a hug.
"Okay, so my turn to ask a question. Jodi, Truth or truth?"
"You know I choose truth, you don't need to ask, just ask the question you want to know the answer to." suggested Jodi.
"Well, How do you do it? You have two beautiful girls, a handsome, loving, supportive husband, and a successful farming career. Your best friend is moving back just to be near you, your sister clearly adores you. It just seems like you have life all figured out, but you're the youngest of all of us, well accept you obviously, Charlotte. How did you pull it all together, Jodi?" asked Regan.
"I wouldn't say I have it all figured out at all. Everyday is a struggle. Just getting Meggie and Katie up and moving some days is so difficult. They bicker like nothing, and I worry about Katie the most. She is very shy and timid. She is always worried about something. I worry she will miss out on many things in life if she doesn't gain more self confidence, or that she will have an anxiety disorder or something. I've been trying to help her with it, but I worry I'm failing. Meggie is almost eleven. She is going to be a teenager soon, and that terrifies me. I remember what I was like as a teenager, and I'm not proud of some of the things I put my mom through. I got lucky with Matt. He is a wonderful father and a great husband. He is supportive and reliable and yet still very sexy to me. My dream of raising my family on Drovers Run became his dream too. I got lucky that I met my husband when I was young. I was only twenty-one when we first met, and I married him when I was only twenty-four and had my first baby at twenty-five. No one else here met their person that young, and that was total luck. Thanks for thinking I have it all figured out, but I don't feel like I do most of the time," admitted Jodi.
Jodi took a breath and thought for a moment before continuing.
"Plus, I have a successful farming career because of Tess and Stevie and all of you for doing everything we have done to keep Drovers going. Claire, Tess, Stevie and Kate taught me nearly everything I know about farming. I was lucky enough to gain a big family when I was twenty-two. I guess learning I was a McLeod gave me a sense of purpose and belonging that let everything else follow. It also gave me a sister and all of you, and I know for certain, I would not be anywhere near as happy if I hadn't had Tess, my sister, there with me the last nine years. Tess moving back from Argentina meant everything to me. She has been a big sister, a mom, a confidant, a partner, a best friend, everything to me. Tess, I'm so sorry you and Nick didn't work, but you coming back was probably the best thing that ever happened in my life. Without you, I wouldn't be on Drovers Run, our girls wouldn't be growing up together, and I would never have known how wonderful it is to have a sister. I just love you so much." said Jodi with tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry what was the question again?"
"How did you manage to figure out and build such a great life?" Regan repeated
"Family and a lot of good luck. That's my final answer. Jaz, Truth or truth?"
'I'll go Truth!" Jaz responded
"What is the most difficult loss you have faced?" asked Jodi
"Well when I thought I had lost my equestrian career and was labeled a cheater, and lost my reputation within the world of athletics, it was horribly devastating, but it wasn't as bad as losing Mark," said Jaz. "Regan and Grace had only met him once or twice, but he was everything to me. He was the first man I ever slept with, he was the first man I ever loved, and I thought he would be the only man I would ever be with." Jaz took a moment to steady herself before going on, "I was always training intensely growing up, but when Mark joined our equestrian team, it made the training so much more fun, so much less lonely. I didn't lose my virginity until I was nearly twenty, and I'm really glad I waited for him. I loved him so much. I sometimes think of how my life would be different if he hadn't passed away. I probably wouldn't live here or have Wilgul, I would probably still be riding competitively because it wouldn't have been so lonely with Mark training alongside me. I wouldn't have Kelly or Ben, I might not have had children at all. Pregnancy and elite level riding don't mix well. I wouldn't be nearly as close to my sisters or my cousins. I might have been able to go to multiple Olympics, maybe even have won a medal. I would have definitely made it further in my equestrian career, but maybe not nearly as far in my personal growth as I have now. " Jaz dabbed her eyes before continuing.
"I don't think I'd run my own training center either, and I actually like coaching even more than I like competing, so I'm glad I figured that out. I don't reckon I would choose that path compared to where I'm at given the choice. I love Ben. He's my everything now, and I can't even imagine not having Kelly or Wilgul, or the relationships I have been able to build in the last seven years with all of you, but I still think about Mark pretty often. I talked to him about Ben when I realized how much I loved him, and I feel like he would be happy for us. I talked to him when I found I was pregnant too, and again after Ben proposed. Losing someone that you are so deeply in love with is awful. They don't actually leave your heart, you just find more room for others in there too." said Jaz. "I like to think about what Mark would think about the life choices I make, if he would agree with them or not. I try to only do things I think Mark would approve of," shared Jaz.
"Jaz, that was beautiful. You've never opened up about Mark this much before." said Regan. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you more after his accident. I should have been there more. I just didn't realize how badly you were hurting. We barely knew him. Hell, I barely knew you," admitted Regan.
"You're here now, and I'm okay. Thinking about Mark usually makes me smile now," said Jaz as she smiled through the tears.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there. I was selfish and stubborn for too long in my life." said Grace. "I'm trying to make up for it now though."
"It's okay, guys. I'm okay. Tess, Truth or truth?" asked Jaz.
"Truth."
"Since losing your virginity, because before that doesn't count, what is the longest you have ever gone without sex?"
"Well, um, I actually haven't been with anyone since Nick, so about nine years."
"Wait, so you never even had rebound sex after your divorce?" asked Grace "I'm definetly going to have some rebound sex to celebrate when my divorce is finalized," she announced.
"No. I honestly just haven't really wanted sex, well not until very recently anyway. Sex leads to intimacy, and I didn't want that with a man," Tess admitted "I'm ready for that now. I want to make love with someone I have a real connection with. I would have been spending the night with Finn for the first time tonight actually, if we weren't here right now. I'm really looking forward to doing that with him. I love him, and I want to know him that way," said Tess.
"You gave up sex with your sexy American boyfriend for the first time in nine years to be here with us?" exclaimed Regan. "Wow, Tess, you really are a great cousin. I'm not sure I would have done that."
"I've waited nine years, I reckon I can wait a few more nights. The whiskey is helping. Hopefully, I won't have to wait too much longer though, I really want to be with Finn. Our connection is so strong. I just hope it translates to the bedroom as well. I mean he hasn't even seen me naked yet. I'm in my forties now. Things aren't quite where they were twenty years ago, and it's been nearly ten years since I had sex at all, they haven't changed how to do it, have they? That could have happened and I missed the memo. I've been out of the game for so long." said Tess.
"Based on what I heard about you and Alex on the horse, I think you still know what you're doing," said Jaz. "Also, I'm definitely going to try that with Ben. Was the horse standing or moving around?" Jaz wondered aloud as she passed the bottle onto Grace.
"The attraction between you and Finn is pretty obvious. We could all feel your chemistry at Charlotte's party. Don't think we didn't notice you kept slipping away with him," teased Regan "I'm sure your connection will be great in bed too ."
"Tess, with the way he looks at you when you're not paying attention, there is no way he hasn't been thinking about how gorgeous you'll look naked. It's all over his face. It's not even in a creepy way, it's actually kind of adorable. You have nothing to worry about. You are a beautiful, strong, passionate woman who has a whole lot of pent up sexual energy. You and Finn's first time together will be fantastic, I'm sure." Jodi encouraged.
"I hope so, and Jaz, we were standing, but by the end, we had brought the horse to a trot. Enjoy trying that with Ben." Tess winked at her cousin and took another sip of the whiskey
"Grace, Truth or truth?"
Grace took a swig from the bottle and said "Truth."
"What is the most difficult thing you've ever had to do?" ased Tess.
"Well other than dealing with this divorce, it was getting over Marcus Turner. Even when I was with Heath, there was always something sort of there in the background with Marcus for me. When he chose Ingrid over me, the night of that huge cattle drive before Xander's first birthday, after he had been with me for a couple months, had made love to me, had told me he loved me, but chose her anyway, it crushed me from the inside out. He knew I loved him, and I know a part of him did love me back, but he was in love with Ingrid. It was obvious. I knew we had no future together, my head knew anyway, but my damn heart was so stubborn about it. I had to leave Drovers just to get away from him. You'd think seeing them together all the time would have made it easier to get over him, but it made it harder. He was so good to her, and I just kept thinking about how good it would have felt if it was me instead of her. It would have been easier if Ingrid was a bitch, but she is such a lovely, caring person. It just hurt so much for so long. It took years, but I finally got there," admitted Grace. She stopped and thought for a moment before taking another sip from the bottle, passing it to Jodi, and continuing on.
"As I think about it now, on the other end of my marriage, I think I married Gavin to help me get over Marcus. I was so desperate to be loved back that I think I settled for Gavin, because he said he loved me back. I just devoted myself to being in that relationship and doing whatever I needed to do to make sure he still loved me back and wouldn't choose someone else over me. I moved to a city, hell, I took a desk job for Gavin, because after so much unreturned love for Marcus, nothing was more important to me to keeping the love I had. I think that's what hurts the most with the whole divorce. I changed who I was to become whom I thought Gavin would love. I was so desperate to be loved, and still, he cheated on me. He still chose someone else, even when I did everything I could to keep that love. I have never felt more unlovable than I did when I walked in on Gavin with the woman," admitted Grace.
"Grace, you are not unlovable. You are so incredibly loveable." said Jaz as she wrapped her arms around her sister. "You will find a man who loves you back."
"Grace, do you still feel unloveable now?" asked Regan.
"I know I would really like to find love. Sometimes, I just feel like it will be impossible for me to do so though. I'm forty-five now, and even at my best, I was never the beauty of the McLeod women. I've always been the plain one compared to all of you, and age set in, and the wrinkles came, and there's an awful lot of grey mixed in my hair these days, so whatever looks I did have, are mostly gone now anyway, but I know I have love to give, so I do believe I'm worthy of being loved. I just don't know if it will ever actually happen for me," admitted Grace.
"Do you seriously have no idea how beautiful you are, Grace?" asked Jodi. "Grace, you're stunning. Your eyes are bright and beautiful and kind, and you carry this air of strength and compassion about you that's difficult to describe, but incredible to witness. I can't believe you don't see how beautiful you are. Grace, you're resplendent," said Jod as she sipped the bottle and handed it to Jaz.
Jaz took a sip and coughed as the whiskey went down her throat. "Grace, what was the deal with Heath showing up the other night?" asked Jaz as she passed the bottle to Tess.
"Well, he asked me to take him back. He told me he still loved me," said Grace. "But I don't want Heath. He isn't the guy I want to love me. He broke my heart, he humiliated me, and betrayed my trust. What good is being loved by someone like that?" she asked.
"Wait hold on, Heath, as in Heath Barrett, your fiance from thirteen years ago, showed up at Wilgul after Charlotte's birthday party and out of the blue, professed his love for you?" asked Jodi.
"He showed up and told me that losing me was the greatest mistake of his life and that everyday he wakes up and thinks about how much better his life would be if I was waking up next to him. He told me he has spent the last ten years trying to become a man worthy of my affection. He offered to buy back Kinsella's for me if I wanted it. He begged. It was pretty embarrassing," said Grace.
"I know you don't want Heath back, but can't you at least see some of what he sees when he looks at you, when you look at yourself?" asked Regan. "This guy has spent the last thirteen years of his life regretting losing you. It doesn't sound like he has been able to get over you. That's got to mean you're something pretty special. Grace, you are definitely loveable, and beautiful," explained Regan.
"Grace, We are women in our forties, we have wrinkles and scars and cellulite, but it means we have lived full lives, and we have earned those wrinkles, and those scars. We must wear them with pride because they represent our journeys. Your journey is beautiful, because it made you you. You are a beautiful, strong woman and you are extremely deserving of love," said Tess. She took a big swig from the now nearly empty bottle and passed it to Regan.
"Okay, I'm sorry. Can we just go back to the game? Thank you all for the cheerleading," said Grace, feeling embarrassed.
"Regan, Truth or Truth." said Grace.
"Truth of course." said Regan
"If you could sleep with anyone on earth, celebrities, people we know, anyone, for a one night stand, no strings attached, no consequences, Cheating isn't a thing for the sake of the question, so you wouldn't be betraying Dylan. It's just a night of passion, who would you be with?" Grace asked.
"Oooh, I like this question." said Regan as she took a sip from the bottle while she pondered her choice. "Hmm, so many options. I could go with an athlete, ooh, like James Magnussen, the swimmer, I'd want him to wear the medals," She smirked as she handed the bottle to Charlotte who took a sip and handed it on to Jaz.
"You know, I have met him, if only I had known, I could have tried to chat him up for you." said Jaz as she winked at her sister.
"If only, I guess I missed that opportunity. Damn Jaz, I never really thought about that, you must have met a bunch of sexy athletes while you were in London at the Olympics. I heard the athletes' village at the Olympics is like a giant orgy." Regan realized she was getting off topic. "But, let me answer the question. I know who I choose. Khal Drogo, Jason Momoa! I feel like he would bend me into all sorts of crazy positions and throw me up against the wall and stuff. I like the idea of that. All those muscles and the long hair. It's not what I would look for in a long term relationship, but for one night of no consequences passion? Hell yes! I bet fucking Jason Momoa would be hot as hell!"
"First of all, Nice choice, I know Stevie used to have a thing for him too. I like your reasoning about the wall and stuff. It makes me want to go watch Game of Thrones again," confessed a giggling Jaz as she took a swig from the bottle. "Second, yes, I can confirm, the athletes village is a giant orgy, but it's sort of like they say about Las Vegas, what happens at the Olympics, stays at the Olympics." Jaz said with a smirk. "They put a bunch of condoms in everyone's rooms, so it's like the organizers know it's going to happen." She took a second sip and sent the bottle back to Jodi.
"Okay Jaz, I have several questions about that," said Jodi, "It's Regan's turn, but I would like to come back to this topic later, Jaz."
"All I'm going to say is Brazilian Water Polo player, excellent stamina, fantastic body, almost no English, and it didn't matter." Jaz said with a mischievous smile and wink. "Regan, go ahead."
"Jodi, What is your biggest fear?"
"Easy, Losing everything again. I love Matt and I will choose him every time, but losing my very identity and everyone else I loved and everything I cared about was horrifying and I still have nightmares about it. I never want to have to do that again." Jodi stood up and finished the last of the whiskey in the bottle.
"Charlotte, Truth or truth?" said Jodi.
"Truth it is!"
"When I say 'and Charlotte lived happily ever after...' What does that mean for you? What does that life look like?" asked Jodi.
"Honestly, I don't really know yet. I know I'd want to live somewhere where I can have horses, and ride regularly. I'd like to have someone to share it with. A handsome bloke who loves me and treats me well would be there. Maybe a bloke who loves me as much as I see the love on the faces of Matt, and Dylan, and Ben and even Finn now, for all of you. I think I'd like to have a couple kids, but for not a long while, at least ten, maybe fifteen years from now. I guess if we're playing it as a fantasy, I'd have my mom around, at least to get to meet once. I hate that I can't remember any of the time I spent with her before she died. I've spent hours trying to remember how it felt when she smiled at me, or what she smelled like, just some small piece of her that I knew myself, from my own experience. I would have that in my happily ever after fantasy," said Charlotte.
"Oh Charlotte, I'm so sorry we can't give that to you. I wish I could just delete one of my memories of the two of you together and transfer it to your brain instead, I would give you all of them if I could," said Jodi.
"We can tell you more stories about her if you want. I've already given you all the video footage I have of the two of you together." said Tess.