Enjoy!

Little Girl Lost

Chapter 17: Express Yourself

Chapter Summary: Paige finally has a moment to herself, and the tightly wound emotions break loose as the severity of her depression makes itself known.

"Would you relax? I went to med school." Toby Curtis Season 2 episode 3 Fish Filet

"5,6,7,8! Down, push your leg out, whip your head up, move your hips then sidestep, sidestep wind up your hips – spin down, boobs out!" Tessa shouted as Paige helped guide their moves through the steps and caught Florence as she spun and nearly fell to the floor.

"Oof…. oh, uh, thank you for your assistance, Paige." Florence said awkwardly as Paige nodded and looked to Happy who despite Tessa's initial assessment was doing quite well. Much to Tessa's chagrin and Toby's delight. She was stiff and moved robotically but she caught on to the routine. Florence on the other hand….

"Ow!" She yelped as she caught herself on the floor and Tessa sighed pausing the music as Florence quickly got up. "I'm sorry, I – I'm still getting used to it." Florence stuttered as Tessa shook her head.

"No, you know the routine, your problem is you don't trust your own feet. Not to mention you are so focused on Paige that you can't concentrate on your own moves." Tessa sniffed as Florence blushed and Paige tactfully looked away, the air tuning awkward.

"How about…we try again. This time trust your feet hm? We're trying to fool an 86er not audition for the school talent show." Tessa said annoyed as she replayed the music and Paige stepped back, giving herself space as she stared at the women; Florence now focusing on anything but her. I guess it couldn't be helped. Ever since they entered the garage together no one has spoken of what happened at all. Everything has been centered around the mission and Tessa antagonizes anyone too much for a conversation to happen. Secretly, although Paige would never admit it, she was grateful for Tessa because it meant she didn't have to talk. She knew it was the coward's way out, she was never one to run from problems, but this was way outside her wheelhouse.

As she glanced over at Ralph who was napping on the couch, his sleep schedule has been all over the place, and a wave of guilt crashed onto her. It wasn't enough that she dragged her team into this but Ralph…. that was unforgivable. If this ever was over, even with her death she has hope that he will be okay. It was foolish to try to remove him away from Walter and Cabe. Even Florence to an extent. He was happy here. Safe. Among those who knew him the best and that excluded her. She may be his mother…..but she could never truly understand him the way the others did.

Glancing at Walter who was typing away on his laptop Sly next to him, she couldn't help but smile at the small progress that was made. When they first arrived Sly kept a wide berth but now…well at least they could sit next to each other.

"Mom?"

Paige jumped a bit as she turned and Ralph was standing next to her, wiping the sleep from his eyes. "Yeah, what is it, honey?" She said wiping his hair away from his face as he leaned. He hasn't done that in months and hiding her shock she brought him closer.

"Do you know where my laptop is? It wasn't where I last had it." He asked robotically as she nodded and grabbed it from the kitchen table. "Here you go." She said as he nodded and went to Walter and Sly, sitting in the open seat between them as both men visibly relaxed now that they were joined by a third member. Smiling Paige turned back Tessa had her hands full as they finally got past the first stance but now Happy was having trouble stepping to the beat and Florence was still struggling with her turns.

"Here – the rhythm is like a sequence of numbers. 1…2. 3,4….5,6….7,8" Paige demonstrated as she shook her head and moved their arms showing where to step as Tessa stood with her arms crossed. "Start the music again and I'll show you the routine once more," Paige instructed as Tessa rewound the music and Paige danced and shimmied to the music. If she closed her eyes, she could picture her 18-year-old self…. doing these dances as Tessa was in the background and their mom was counting the money. Ironically, she felt just as she did then; lost, scared, confused but one look at Ralph and it was worth it. Anything for him.

Breathing hard she showed them the steps again slower as she looked up and caught Walter staring….at Florence. Pursing her lips, she sighed but caught Walter's eye as she swiftly turned, not wanting to go down that path. One problem at a time Paige.

Slowly Happy and Paige danced to the moves but on one of the turns Florence slipped and bumped right into Happy sending both women to the floor and that was enough for tempers to flare. What happened next was out of Paige's control.

"Get your man stealing hands off me!" Happy shouted as she pushed Florence away and Florence stood anger rising as Happy gruffly stood and faced an angry Florence.

"For the last time, I never did anything!" Florence shouted as she pushed Happy away the closer, she got and Happy's face turned red. Uh oh.

"Oh yeah well you sure do have a funny way of showing it!" Happy snarled as Tessa raised her eyebrows as Paige tried to interject but her blouse was pulled behind as Tessa pulled her against the pillar she was leaning on.

"What are you doing Tessa?" Paige whispered angrily as she shrugged and saw the calculated look in her eyes.

"Information" She whispered as she smirked before she said loudly "You know I don't know what happened with Walter but Happy, it's not Blondie's fault Doc has wondering hands," Tessa smirked as Paige scrunched her eyes together as Happy looked on disgusted.

"Not my husband but Paige's potential husband!" Happy gripped out as Paige choked on air and Tessa's smirk dropped for a few seconds as she looked shocked. Not a look that Paige had seen on her face only a handful of times as Tess quickly recovered and looked at Paige.

"What?" She asked calmly. So low only Paige heard as Paige shook her head, not daring to say anything more.

"Nothing, I don't know anything about that," Paige whispered as she knew she and Walter discussed the possibility of marriage before everything blew up, but it was never discussed as something soon. It was more like a possibility for the far future…maybe when Ralph was older. It's not like that was an option now.

"Uh-huh sure. You know 'nothing' while the tension is so thick even, I can tell something is wrong." Tessa hissed out as Paige huffed and walked towards the middle, getting in between Happy and Florence as Paige tried to guide Happy away, barely getting a few inches.

"You know what no wonder you were bullied in high school, not that your smart but you're always in the wrong place! No one wanted you then and no one wants you now!" Happy yelled out as Florence gasped, hurt marring her features before a burst of anger ignited, and she pounced sending all three of them into a metal table as it crashed sending the sound echoing in the garage.

Paige quickly untangled herself as she scampered near the wall as Toby, Ralph, Walter and Sly came running in Cabe yelled out "What the hell is going on here!"

Paige sighed as she helped Florence off the floor begrudgery as Florence whispered her thanks and Happy huffed glaring at Flo before Toby pulled her gently back as Cabe looked around, silently demanding an answer. Leave it to Tessa to provide one for him. Fighting over a boy, how simplistic for a genius. Rolling her eyes and holding in her sigh she tried her best to defuse the situation as she made sure Happy was cool as she waved her away going over to her anvil as Cabe nodded at her, sending an all-clear as she gave a grim smile back. Looking back at the pillar, however, Tessa was no longer there, in fact, she's left the room entirely. Panicking as to who knows what trouble she'll stir up she mutters a "take 5" as she briskly walked to the main room as Tessa….and most panic-inducing Walter, were nowhere to be found.

"Paige?"

"What!" She snapped as she cleared her throat as Toby stepped back holding his hands in mock surrender. "I'm sorry Toby I didn't mean to snap…what is it?" She asked calmer as her eyes kept darting to the front and backdoors. Where did they go?

"Paige your wound tighter than a steel drum. I think it's time we talked." Toby said gently as she whirled around, her lungs tightening. "Didn't we already talk? In the kitchen? I think that's enough talking for today." Paige snapped as she turned away, but Toby caught her arm and she snatched it away. "Don't touch me" she hissed, panic in her voice as she tried to calm herself as Toby once again raised his hands.

"Paige, you are radiating anxiety and you have panic markers 1 through Z. You need to be calm for the next few days if this is going to work and your Paige plane is crashing hard. We're looking to you to guide this and I may not know your sister too well since, well we didn't know you had a sister 8 hours ago" Toby mumbled as Paige pursed her lips.

"Your point?" She said tersely

"You are the glue that is keeping this operation held together but you are unwinding. Paige, I don't have to tell you that if we make a mistake, you're on the line and so is Ralph. We need your head clear, but something is weighing you down and it's not just the elephant-sized problem that we know of. Paige, we need your head sharp, we need you, but we can't afford to have you falling apart whenever something goes wrong." Toby said bluntly as the air left her lungs as she looked towards Ralph who was playing a chess match with Cabe.

"Fine, I'll talk." She whispered.

"So, Miss Dineen…. how are you feeling today?" Toby asked as they both sat in the trailer, Paige sat on a literal couch and Toby sat across with a notebook in front of him.

"Annoyed," Paige said flatly as Toby smiled.

"To be expected. You are being asked to spill your secrets and worse…. your true emotions. We both know that's something you struggle with." He said gently as she gasped.

"Excuse me? My job on the team for years was to help you all sort out yours! How to process them, how to deal with them, identifying what they are while not trying to make an ass out of yourself." She huffed as Toby sat back, listening to the tirade. "If anything, processing emotions is all I know how to do!" Paige finished as Toby raised his eyebrows. "What?"

"Well…. all of that is true but you're forgetting one thing. Your job was helping us process emotions it's true and you did a fantastic job so kudos to you but, Paige, you never truly learned to sort out yours. From what I've learned that's a skill that even though you were far better at than all of us you've stunted. Introspection into others is always far easier than yourself. I should know, I became a physiatrist for that very reason." He chuckled as Paige crossed her arms and sat back against the couch.

"You may not realize it or maybe you do but you've been through a significant amount of trauma in your life. That leaves scars that we may not know how to heal fully or even know they are even there." Toby said gently as Paige scrunched her eyes together and avoided his gaze.

"It's true that my childhood wasn't as stable, but I dealt with it and I'm certain I'm not the only woman in the world who has been left high and dry by a deadbeat. I did what I had to for my child. Everything else…. I dealt with." She muttered as Toby grimaced.

"Yes, you dealt with it but that doesn't mean you healed from it. Paige every relationship that you've ever had has never been healthy…. aside from your father but I know that when he died that affected you. It still left a wound on you. People tend to have this nasty habit of leaving their traces on others no matter how small they are to one another. If that trace isn't healed or put away or worse…if their trace was a wound that was left to fester. That leaves you with the mark that you unintentionally put on others. Like your son. Like Tim. Even Walter." Toby explained as Paige took in a deep breath.

"I don't know what that would be. I know I'm not perfect. Not the perfect person or the perfect partner and God knows I'm not a perfect mother, but I tried!" She sniffed as Toby nodded.

"And I'm not saying you weren't good. You of all people know of a grey area but you know Paige that you've struggled with letting down that guard of yours. You are very good I admit, I wasn't watching you the last few years because I trusted you for one, but also…. I know that you had your own demons to wrestle with. Now I find out that those demons are 86 and counting."

Huffing Paige turned as Toby sat upright and something in her snapped. "I know I'm going to die Toby. Is that what you want to hear? That's what's been going on inside my head. I know that despite all our efforts I don't see a way I'm coming out of this alive. My son" She choked as tears welled inside her eyes as Toby handed her tissues "My son will grow up without me. I won't see him graduate or get married or see all his accomplishments. I know that despite what Tessa says he will always be in danger unless we take all of them out and to do that…..I need to be taken out too." She whispered as Toby leaned in.

"What do you mean?"

"I shot him. I had no choice." Paige rambled as the tears came quicker "Tessa and Mom they were going to die, and I saw the gun. I just grabbed it and I pulled the trigger. The look in his eyes…. I saw him die. I saw him die and it was my fault. They won't stop until I'm dead. Now I'm here, with all of you in danger, my sister back in my life and my son in the middle of everything and it's all my fault!"

"Paige, hon you're blaming yourself for something that any person, genius or normal would have done. It's a primal instinct to protect not only yourself but your loved ones. If you were backed into a corner and all you had was a gun to protect yourself then tell me, would you have let them kill you, with your unborn child in your stomach, kill your sister and mother without a fight knowing what you know now?" Toby asked as Paige took a deep breath and looked down. After a moment she slowly shook her head as Toby nodded. "Exactly. The 86ers are not innocent and trust me there is blame but you would be surprised how small that goes to you in the situation that brought us together here. However, what I want to focus on is after."

"After?" Paige repeated confused as Toby nodded his head. "Well, I mean…...you know what happened after. Drew left and I was broke…Walter found me and here we are." Paige mumbled as Toby smiled.

"Yeah…no, I mean yes but you are leaving a lot of detail out. Paige, I noticed how you've changed in the last months since the big blow-up. You've been far more depressed over a breakup than anyone normal would be. I suspect that yes, the breakup caused the feelings to come to the surface but this self-loathing. This self-hatred and depression are more than just the grief over a lost relationship. This type of grief came before Scorpion. Whatever happened that caused you to separate from your sister, the fight that estranged you from your mother, and the self-sabotage that you do in every relationship is rooted in whatever happened after you pulled that trigger."

"I-" Paige paused as she stuttered and bit her lip, swallowing hard as his eyes never wavered from hers and she looked down defeated. "I never thought I would be in this position again." Letting out a breath she looked up and going against everything she's ever known she did the impossible.

She told the truth.

"I can tell you what happened but I'm very uncomfortable, even more so than that slip with Cabe." She muttered as Toby raised his eyebrow. "I know you're wondering how Cabe knew and no one else. It was an accident honestly or a drunken slip of the tongue. It was after Mick was arrested and Cabe was going to art classes. Well, one day Cabe asked me to join because Walter and everyone else either didn't want to go or wouldn't have appreciated it. Cabe didn't know this, in fact, he still doesn't but it was my father's birthday. I was really missing him that day. A lot." Paige admitted as she took another breath. "Well, my father and I…he was the one that got me into art." Paige chuckled humorlessly "He didn't fully understand it either, much like Walter he didn't fully understand why it conveyed so much emotion, but he did enjoy watching me paint. Every year for his birthday I would paint him a picture. When I was younger it was handprints and the last picture I gave him was an abstract of us as a family. Me, Tessa, him, and Mom. So, when Cabe asked me to go I said yes, and I saw it as a perfect opportunity for me to paint. I still do it, every year. I keep the canvases in storage or I give them away but they are not that great."

"Doesn't matter, it's a significant way to keep a connection to your father. It's a ritual that brings comfort, but I imagine that it was hard for you to do so with Cabe. He's a father figure to all of us and I suspect you wanted to go with Cabe because he reminded you of your father."

"Yeah" Paige whispered as wiped away more tears. "Anyways they were passing out free drinks and I couldn't drive so Cabe brought me home and I started crying. I just lost it. I must have cried for hours because when I calmed down, I admitted that I missed my dad and my sister. Cabe was obviously surprised that I never mentioned I had a sister before, but I was tired of no one knowing…no one caring about her except me. That Ralph never knew how wonderful his grandfather was or how much of his personality came from Tessa. I was tired of knowing alone." Paige admitted tearfully.

"So, I spilled the beans. I didn't tell him anything that would place him in danger, but I told him that she was my older sister and she died before was Ralph was born. A few years after dad. That she died in October, which wasn't a total lie. A part of her did die that night. A part of me died too. I made Cabe promise to never mention it to anyone because it was hard for me to talk about, and I didn't want anyone else knowing."

"Or prying" Toby finished as Paige shrugged. "I'm just shocked that you managed to lie to all of us, even me for all these years."

"I never lied." Paige corrected as Toby raised his eyebrows as Paige blushed. "I never lied. I never talked about it or if it came too close to anything about me I manipulated the conversation away from me or whenever I did talk about myself or my family, I made sure to stick to the truth. Nothing incriminating and most of the time it was about me and Ralph. The one time I did lie about my childhood you caught it. I was much more careful going forward." She admitted as Toby nodded.

"Hmmm, well, I could have been a much better friend. I'm not surprised then why you confided in Cabe and not – well doesn't matter." Toby murmured.

"No, what is it?" Paige asked as Toby shook his head.

"Wouldn't be conductive towards your therapy session."

"No that's not fair. I don't want this to be a therapy session. I mean please don't ever tell anyone about this, absolutely no one. I can't…I can't talk about this with just a doctor. I need my friend and if my friend needs to say something they should say it." Paige pressed as Toy squirmed. "It's not fair to ask me of my secrets when you don't spill your own."

"It's not really a secret if I'm being honest. I guess, I mean I appreciate that you hold me in high regard to even want to speak with me on this. I look to you as a friend, a close one but I guess my feelings are a little bruised that you tell your big bad secret to a guy who still watches spaghetti westerns, and you leave me in the dark. I mean I get it, psychologically Cabe is a father figure that presents an air of safety, calm, and protection. I mean Cabe isn't a genius and his EQ is more developed but…. I guess I had hoped that you trusted me just as much. If anything, it's a bruised ego and this isn't conducive, but you wanted me to be honest….so. Well, here it is. I just figured maybe if I had known…. I could have helped in some way. Could have helped you more and maybe avoided a lot of this mess" Toby said softly as Paige looked away.

"I'm sorry that I made you feel that way." Paige whispered "but even if you did know problems with the team and problems with me and Walter….that couldn't have been avoided. Plus it's more complicated than what is led to believe and even if I did tell you, it wouldn't have been the truth and you would have caught the lie. I couldn't risk it. It's nothing against our friendship….I just wanted to keep you safe. Keep the team safe and most importantly…. keep Ralph safe."

"Well, I understand all that but Paige what you said there…. about the problems between you and Walter. What do you think they were because from the tone of that voice, it sounded bitter and bitterness has a way of shielding us from the truth?" Toby hedged as Paige thinned her lips.

"Well for starters Florence is out there and I'm in here and even now he still can't stop focusing on her. All this time he's had a cranial affair with her, lying to me and how deep down I should have listened to my instincts and broken it off as soon as I looked up and saw boredom on his face!" Paige rushed out as Toby gave her another tissue and she angrily wiped her tears away.

"I mean here you are, telling me you regret not asking about my life while Walter never even tried! He never asked about my life before Ralph and although I knew it was a good thing for his safety and for mine, how could it be good for our relationship if he never cared to ask?"

Paige sniffled "I mean I should have known right? I mean you're a shrink, you did couples counseling for a while. You know what to look for in a cheating partner. I should know by now. On the one-time Florence and I spent time together, I was helping her with her pitch, and she told me she found it nice how Walter asked so much about her childhood and that they went to similar lectures. Seriously? I know logically that Florence developed feelings and Walter claimed he had no knowledge but Toby, be honest with me. Walter and Florence make a better pair than he and I ever did. It was proven over and over again, and I ignored all it because I love him. I wanted to believe him. I wanted….I wanted to believe him." Paige cried as Toby handed her another tissue.

"You know when we started dating, when Happy was with us for a lot of our dates, he admitted to me that the reason he didn't say anything to Happy was that he was scared. He feared looking up and seeing boredom on my face as he talked about genius stuff. Ironically, on many dates that we had, I looked up and saw boredom on his. I was scared I wasn't going to be enough for him. I was never enough for anyone before why should this time be different right? He was growing bored with me. Bored with my ideas, bored with our conversations…. bored with my brain. Bored with me. So of course, he would find someone who wasn't boring. Who could be…. enough." Paige whispered as Toby shook his head.

"No, I don't believe that. I mean yes, I believe that Walter had a valid fear and you yourself had valid fears of disappointing each other however this belief you have of not being enough. Paige that isn't true. From what I've seen Walter can't take his eyes off you, his body language shows longing, he still cares for you Paige. If he truly did have feelings or has moved on to Florence I would know and that is not what happened." Toby said gently as Paige glared.

"Look I'm not trying to push you any which way, but Paige, Walter still cares about you, a lot, and you obviously still care for him. He was wrong to lie to you yes. He should have never done that, and he betrayed part of your trust. Of course, you would be inclined to be suspicious and hurt. However, for brains like ours and especially you. You know how our brains worked. Hell, Walter has done a lot more and you understood. So why with this did everything blow up?" Toby questioned as Paige shook her head.

"He lied to me! He cheated on me! Yes, maybe he didn't do anything physical with her yet but he still lied to me. He had a cranial affair for months and formed an emotional bond with her that he could never have with me. He did that knowing that she could scratch his itch and I believed him! Just as I believed Drew! It was like a repeat of all my past mistakes except it was worse!" Paige sobbed as Toby gently patted her back.

"I know you say that he still cares about me," Paige whispered through her sobs as she tried to get a handle on herself. "I know you believe that. I would be lying if I said I didn't want to believe that either. I would be lying if I said I didn't still love him. I do still love him but sometimes love isn't enough." Paige said as Toby looked over concerned.

"I love the old movies where true love always wins. That if you love each other enough….no matter what happens love always prevails. That happily ever after? It's not real. I dreamed of the day that my true love would come and suddenly everything would be okay but it's not. Life doesn't work that way, it never did. I learned that a long time ago with Drew" Paige grimaced as she got lost in her memories.

"I loved Drew. I loved him with everything I had. I was young and naive and believed him when he said it was an accident. That it would never happen again. She was a mistake. I believed him. I believed him when he got closer to a girl and he always came back to me, swearing up and down he would have told me eventually. Well eventually never came because I always had to find out. He always lied to me – where he was going, who was there. He would disappear for days. It got worse after Ralph was born. He never wanted to be around us even though he was the one that got us into the mess, to begin with! It just seemed no matter what I did, how much I loved him, it was never enough. Now here was Walter who has never lied to me before but the one time he did…..it was about another girl. It was like looking in a mirror at all my past mistakes, but I couldn't do it again. Not this time. I wasn't going to put myself through that again but certainly, I wasn't putting Ralph through that." Paige said angrily.

"Ralph idolized Walter. He was everything Ralph needed and more. I could handle Walter throwing me away but Ralph? I wasn't going to give him the chance." Paige finished bitterly as Toby nodded in understanding.

"Paige I won't sit here and tell you that Walter was innocent. He wasn't. He lied to you. Betrayed your trust and honestly…communication went out the door. Now I'm not going to tell you that it was worth breaking up for; that is something you have to decide but Paige? You and Walter always had trouble communicating. I saw that when you two got together it was like all those times of communication failed. You stop using them because you were afraid you were going to hurt one another. Paige every relationship on the planet that has ever existed will have problems. They will always have problems. You and Drew had problems. Big ones that never got resolved because he didn't want to resolve them. You and Tim had problems because the distance was too hard, and you both fell out of love. Now you and Walter had problems, but the difference was that you both were willing to work on them but never communicated what you wanted."

"So, you're saying all we need is a talk and suddenly we'll be back together?" Paige asked flatly her heart thumped against her chest and a little sliver of hope presented itself.

"Well, no, I mean getting back together would be your and Walt's choice alone. I won't interfere with that, however, what I am saying is that for any relationship between you to work you have to talk. Friendship, romance even colleagues for the next few days you must talk to him. Walter was wrong. We established that, but you were wrong too. You know that you shouldn't have gotten so angry. You overreacted and you self-sabotaged." Toby said as Paige looked down.

"Just like you said it was looking in a mirror of your past. Drew lied and now Walter lied except it was worse because unlike Drew you saw a future with Walter, and he got much closer to that heart of yours than Drew ever did. There was more to lose and so your psyche imploded." Paige swallowed her words as Tobey's analysis sunk in.

"Paige…. I know your relationship with Drew was traumatic. You experienced real trauma. Everything that happened with your family, resorting to killing to save yourself, your unborn child and your family? Then leaving that environment to an unstable, manipulated environment with Drew. His cheating traumatized you. Complete betrayal from one important figure in your life to another right after the other. So thus, when you saw the same thing happening again, even if it wasn't the same circumstances, even if Walter didn't actually cheat, you still saw it as a sign of betrayal and you reacted." Tobey said softly as Paige looked back up to him.

"One important figure to the other?" She questioned as he stared at her and slowly nodded his head.

"Paige I've been observing your sister and yourself. Both of you are very close and the way you both hover next to each other…. It's a traumatic response. Usually found in abandoned, abused children. It's a very strong reaction, usually as a defense mechanism for pain and trauma." Toby explained as she started to become short of breath. The room closed in around her as she only saw the walls covered in blood and Tessa and mom tied up on the floor….

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." Paige gasped out as images of the blood walked through her mind. Drew smiled at her, his arms wrapped around her waist to catch him with that blonde. Seeing the gun. All of it came rushing back.

"Paige you're safe here. Listen to my voice. You're okay here. This is a safe place. These are hard questions. I understand. It's bringing up a lot of buried trauma but we have to understand it if you want to become better. What are your five senses?" Toby asked in a calm voice as Paige's breathing sped up and her hands quivered.

"Paige, what are your five senses? What's one thing you can see, one thing you can smell, one thing you can touch, one thing you can taste, and one thing you can hear. List them out to me." Toby said as Paige shook and opened her eyes as she tried to focus on one thing instead of the malicious grinning face of her memories.

"I see the trailer door." She whispered as Toby nodded.

"Good, what do you taste?"

" I – I can taste peanut butter. I had a peanut butter cup and pretzels before I started dancing." Paige gasped out as she dug her nails into the couch. "I can feel the fabric of the blanket and underneath the leather of the couch." She whispered as her hands shook and she tried to breathe in without her lungs constricting. "I can s-smell the air freshener," Paige said softly as she took in another deep breath. "I can hear your voice." She finished as the bands loosened and her memories faded away, Toby leaning in and offered a small smile.

"You're okay. You're safe here. Repressed trauma presents itself in different ways – flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks they are all normal when healing." Toby said softly as Paige wiped away tears and Toby leaned back.

"I-I'm sorry" Paige whispered as her throat was still tight and Toby shook his head.

"Nothing to apologize for but I am concerned that without properly addressing these issues you will continue to have these panic attacks and won't be able to function in high-stress situations. Everything that we're doing Paige, we're going back to where this trauma started. I don't want to lose my friend in case anything were to happen to push you over a very delicate edge."

"No, your right. I mean I don't know – I don't know how to keep it at bay. I mean with Walter…. everything wasn't easy. We had our problems, yes but it was easier. I felt safe. I love him and he was exactly what Ralph needed, even what I may have needed. He was my friend above all else and even without all the romantic stuff attached I always tried to make him better. Make myself better and it was easier to focus on him and all of you than myself and my own problems." Paige admitted, the shifting weight on her chest lifting as she said the words that she thought she would never admit to and Toby smiled.

"And that is healthy believe it or not. It's far easier to focus on everyone else than us most times and after going through what you did – ironically a problem you couldn't fix you focused on something you could. You and Walt had problems communicating its true, but every couple goes through chinks in the armor. By working through it you learn and grow from it."

"Learn and grow – I thought I was done growing." Paige sniffed as she smiled as Toby chuckled.

"Well, here is something I learned from you actually…we never stop. No matter how smart we are there is always something we don't know and it's always fun to find out what that is."

"Not always." Paige frowned thinking of Walter and Toby sighed leaning back against the chair.

"Yes but…. wouldn't it be fascinating to find out anyway?" Toby asked as Paige breathed out and nodded her head. "So, our session is over. I say that was a very productive one too. How are you feeling now?"

"Better." Paige admitted as she sighed and squared her shoulders "A lot better. Foolish but better and a little scared too if I'm being honest." Paige said as Toby looked on curiously. "Before everything," Paige said waving her hands around her "Ralph asked something of me that I haven't forgotten. He asked me to talk to Walter and…..I feel ready to talk with him. I-I miss him, and I owe him a huge apology. He owes me one too. We both owe each other and that starts with a talk." Paige said as she got up and stretched Toby got up with a sigh.

"Are you sure you want to do that now? This was an intense session and – "

"I'm sure. I have courage and I need to do it. It's the only way to keep my head sane. I need him. He's my best friend." Paige whispered as she sighed and walked out the door. Breathing out she walked to the side as she saw Walter coming back into the garage and Tessa clapped her hands saying the break was over.

"Paige, I need you in here!" Tessa shouted as Paige locked eyes with Walter and he gave her a small uncertain smile before he swiftly turned and walked to his desk as Tessa's heels clicked behind her. "Paige!" Tessa said as she grabbed Paige's arm and faced her. "We have to get back to work." Tessa snarked as Paige fell in a trance as she whispered

"No."

"No? This was your idea to train –" Tessa said as Paige shook her head interrupting her tirade.

"Necesito hablar con él." (I need to talk to him) Paige insisted as Tessa clenched her teeth.

"Lo que necesitas es poner tu cabeza en orden!" (What you need is to think straight!) Tessa argued as Paige sighed.

"I need to do this, give me 10 minutes please," Paige asked and before she could have an answer she walked leaving the genius stunned.

"Damn it Paige" Tessa grumbled under her breath as she looked as Paige hesitantly approached Walter's desk and the genius startled as they spoke in low tones before they both walked upstairs to the loft, the door closing firmly as everyone stood stock still as the impossible was about to commence.

A/N: It's coming! The Waige train is coming! Soon-ish. Kind of ish. Eh you'll see what I mean! Please tell me your thoughts in reviews and I'll see you next Monday!

Next time on Little Girl Lost:

"I admit that I was taken aback from your desire to talk Paige given our, um, last interaction together. It was uh, less than pleasant." Walter stuttered as he closed the door to his loft as Paige chuckled, but he found that she wasn't smiling when she did so. In fact, it looked like she had been crying given the state of her red eyes and wet cheeks. His heartbeat increased when he noticed she chuckled again and his assessment of her appearance he theorized that this laugh was not meant to be humorous but simply a human response to cover anxiety in an uncomfortable situation.

Because he was very uncomfortable.

And he always hated whenever Paige cried.

"I know, believe if our roles were reversed, I would be surprised too but Walter um, I – I just need to talk to you and I wanted to apologize…. for everything," Paige said as Walter took a deep breath as she just wanted to reiterate what she had previously stated yesterday. An apology. Yes, she had already apologized. He knew how to handle this situation.

"Oh well, it's all right. I mean you had already apologized for the events that had transpired and I forgive you and offering you and Ralph protection is nothing to apologize for either. I offered." Walter said as he tried to offer a reassuring smile, but he didn't think he succeeded as Paige sighed and looked down to the ground as more tears came to her eyes.