Little Girl Lost

Chapter 19: (Un)Happy Family

Chapter Summary: After a successful talk with Paige, Walter thinks he's done with emotionally charged conversations. He was wrong.

"Now scorpions are very loyal to their cyclone. But if one of them is attacked, all the others dive in. And we, all of us, are a cyclone." Walter Season 1 episode 3

"Happy, uh, what do you uh, want to talk about?" Walter stuttered out as she simply glared, her stoic demeanor never softening as they both stood there, and Walter grew antsy. "You said you wanted to talk to me?"

"I don't but Toby is making me and honestly, I'm not used to being this angry and not having anything to break or smash." She quipped as Walter nodded.

"Do you want a coffee cup?"

"No!" She snapped as she crossed her arms and started pacing as Walter could only stare. "Honestly I'm hoping that we can spend the next 20 minutes in silence before I can go back downstairs." She said as Walter raised an eyebrow.

"That would be a poor way to use 20 minutes of time, we can talk. I know you are angry at Florence for correctly guessing that she had feelings for me but I assure you I didn't have any for her. I can understand your ire at her but Happy….why are you mad at me?" Walter finally asked as Happy met his question with more stony silence.

"Oh, c'mon Happy you can't stay angry at me for something I didn't even do! I admit that the events of that night could have been handled better. Paige and I had just talked about that very subject. The woman I had wronged forgave me! Paige and I are okay now so why are you still so angry at me? You haven't spoken to me not once since we all arrived and now you announce you want to talk with me and not say a single word? I don't understand your anger at me and I would like to understand why." Walter asked as Happy scoffed and turned her head.

"And I would have liked for you to not be a total idiot who blew up my family but we all can't have what we want now can we?" She hissed out.

"What does that mean?" Walter asked chagrined as Happy's glare turned deadly and Walter involuntarily took a step back.

"I told you – more than once – about fooling around with Florence. I told you – more than once – to stop entertaining whatever you had with her, and you didn't listen. I told you to tell Paige – everything – and to stop lying to her. You didn't listen. I told you for weeks how you needed to come clean and if you didn't it would destroy scorpion and look what happened!" Happy yelled as Walter frowned.

"I can be angry at Florence all I want. She knew you were off-limits and didn't do anything to try to dissuade those feelings but you? You encouraged them!" Happy screamed as Walter clenched his jaw.

"Excuse me I did no such thing!" Walter defended himself as Happy barked out a laugh.

"Oh, you're excused all right! Excused about not using your head! For being a moron! You've spent hours together. Hours just to yourselves or if you were with us you both only talked to each other about theories and equations. How you ignored Paige, but you were more than comfortable talking Florence's ear off about the next compound project. Even I noticed how uncomfortable Paige was getting when you were clearly favoring Florence over her! Toby even mentioned how Paige didn't interfere because she didn't want to keep you away from a friend. Then finally, purposely keeping the lecture from Paige – you can't always get what you want! You can't have Paige and a genius too. You can't have a genius and keep Paige. You can't have everything. By keeping Florence on the hook that was exactly what you were doing and now everything is messed up!" Happy screamed as Walter backed away from her fury.

"I- I just talked with Paige. We worked everything out with that. I admit my behavior was wrong, but we worked it out. How can you be so angry about my failed relationship and yet I can be on better terms with Paige than with you?" Walter asked, struggling to make the connection as Happy just shook her head.

Happy glared as she spoke "My family, my team was gone. All because you couldn't get your act together. Toby and I…. we wanted a family. I wanted a family, and you know what sucks O'Brien? I had it. Scorpion was it. All these years you talk about how we were a family, but this was my actual family. I trusted all of you. I loved all of you. You know for once, I had my dad back but ever since he's been locked up, Cabe become like that for me. Sly and the waitress? We would be lost without them. And you? You were my best friend. Toby and I had actually talked about adoption before everything blew up!" Happy yelled as Walter felt his mouth drop.

"You plan to adopt?" Walter asked as Happy balled her fists.

"Planned. As in past tense. We were working towards adoption before everything fell apart. We couldn't stay here Walt – not because we didn't still care for you but what we were making, our supposed shares in the company wouldn't have been enough to cover anything. Paige offered us more. Our value. With what we're making now we would be farther along but because Centipede is still a startup, not yet a full year….it made everyone wary of us. Not dependable enough. We have to wait 5 years for any chance of adopting." Happy said as Walter felt his stomach drop.

"Oh – I'm sorry…..I didn't know." That was all he was able to mutter out as Happy huffed.

"Of course, you didn't. You never asked and even when we asked for more you didn't even bother to give it any consideration. You thought that your own actions were only dooming your relationship well guess what? You doomed us too! Waiting 5 years for even a chance to start the adoption process but with Toby's history of gambling addiction and my prison record, our chances dropped. At least we would have had the argument of stable jobs with government access and a multimillion-dollar contract company. We don't have that argument anymore." Happy muttered as Walter shook his head.

"Listen Happy I can vouch for you as a former employer and that will get your names back on the lists –"

"You're missing the point, Walter!" Happy snapped as she huffed and balled her fists. "You didn't think of us, any of us when you put the team in jeopardy. You only thought of yourself. Whatever this thing you have with Florence….it destroyed us. Your personal life cost me my family!" Happy bellowed as Walter looked to the floor, his chest tightening and stomach forming stomach cramps. He didn't want to face Happy anymore. Although he knew his past actions affected the team to a degree where they left – he didn't want to account for the extent.

"I'm sorry for the repercussions that my actions caused you Happy but my personal life is mine. What I choose to do with my life is my own. I didn't intend to hurt you or your growing family, but you have to admit it's not all on me." Walter argued as Happy huffed and sighed.

"Yeah, I know that Walt, I'm not scared of personal accountability unlike some people however my point is the same. I came to you and told you what would happen, and you never listened! You never listened to anyone! Even when I came to you for a raise to pay for the treatment you gave it but when I asked for a share for my invention you declined citing scorpion. The final nail in the coffin was when you gave us those bogus reports."

"They were as fair as I could give!" Walter interrupted as Happy glared.

"No, they weren't! I –ugh! What's the point we've had this discussion before, and it got us nowhere so there isn't a point now. I joined Centipede because I never had to have these conversations with Paige. She knew our worth, as people and as employees. She never shorted us because she was scared."

"Excuse me I was never scared." Walter defended himself as his breathing escalated and his palms started to sweat.

"Yes, you were otherwise you would have given us more – you feared losing us and your company. You feared losing Paige so that's why you never told her anything. This was your minefield and look what's happened, it's blowing up left and right!"

"I didn't know you participated in the dime store analysis of Toby; I don't need to be told I was scared I already know!" Walter admitted angrily as Happy lost her angry glare and looked momentarily surprised.

"If you knew, why didn't you do anything about it?" Happy asked, genuine curiosity shining though as Walter looked away, bands of anxiety enveloping him as Happy's gaze pierced him.

"Hindsight is 20/20," Walter mumbled as Happy groaned.

"You know what fine, I said what I needed too to get Toby off my back. 20 minutes is over, if you don't want to talk that's fine, I'm not going to make you – just, do everyone here a favor and stop being so scared." Happy threw out as she started to walk out the door and Walter slowly nodded. The door left a soft click as he heard Happy's boots climb down the stairs.

Stop being so scared, huh, easier said than done.

If Walter was truly being honest fear was something he was used to, although he didn't like it. For the past few days (really months, ever since the night he lost…well no use to hash over the past and things he couldn't change) fear has been a constant. Since the case where they had to travel to Greenland Paige's theory about problems, he can't solve has been proven time and time again. He didn't need ergot for his greatest fears to be realized, he was living them.

This, the remains of Scorpion, Paige, and Ralph's lives in danger are problems he was unable to solve. It just seemed no matter what he did more and more problems arose that he couldn't help with. Sighing he wiped down the board and started writing, losing himself in the world of numbers. Numbers were cold, unfeeling, and without error. If he made a mistake he could calculate where he went wrong but he hasn't made a mistake…. ever. Numbers were soothing. Real-life was…. not.

Happy's words cut through him like a knife; never did he ever want to purposely interfere with her life. The one time he did (or the first couple of times admittedly) was a disaster and he vowed that he would never interfere again unless it was needed. Of course, he was not lying when he said hindsight was often 20/20. It was a fact. Could he had given more shares in scorpion yes but in doing so he would be giving part of his legacy, of what he himself built and maybe it was proof of him becoming more human that he didn't want to lose control over something so precious to him. Of course, in doing so he lost something even more prized.

Happy was right though about a fact and that his choices impacted his team, and he should have taken that into more consideration. The fact remains if he had been more considerate most of these problems could be solved.

The fact that Paige couldn't scratch his intellectual itch as she claimed could have been dealt with and his lessons in humanity and emotion would have improved in time. The fact that he was here even reflecting on his past actions was proof of that. Perhaps compromise and communication really were the common denominators in human emotion and expression? He theorized as such as it worked well for him in the past and that is something he has been teaching Florence which has proven useful.

Nevertheless, it wasn't useful in dwelling on the what-ifs? They should have and could have of the past, what was important was now. The reality that he's found himself in. The mission that he chose to act on. Bowing his head in defeat he sighed as he looked toward his bookshelf, the textbook with the dreaded lecture tickets right in his view. Debating on throwing them away or not he felt the stiff paper in his fingers and with a shake of his head he held on to them tightly, not willing to part with them.

There was no use in dwelling on the past. When Paige had looked at him, asking for another chance it took everything he had learned, all his willpower to say no. Now that he was alone he did regret his choice but to a point that he would take it back. In all his intellect he knew that what he said was correct. He wasn't ready yet and what he didn't expect was Paige wasn't either.

He wanted her back, but not like this. Desperation and fear loomed over every action they took. Past mistakes chained to both like dead weight. If they did, he couldn't say that what led to their downfall wouldn't happen again. He wanted to ensure that it never happened again.

Although with all her lies and secrets Paige was still one of the most honest women he had ever met. Integrity, discipline, wit, and loyalty were all traits of Paige Dineen that he admired and loved. He believed her when she said that she could wait. He felt the hope in his chest as she smiled at him as told him the words that he had wanted to hear but dared not hope for. He had his friend back. That's more than he had wanted originally and if she wanted more then he could give it. Eventually.

In fact, he was certain, he needed to face his greatest challenge though which was something he still struggled with and that was learning to channel his own emotions and most importantly to be emotional with himself. Fear would be nothing but a distant friend where this was concerned. He would be ready for her in time and maybe…. she would be ready for him. He could only hope but he was smart enough to know the odds and they were in his favor.

No, correction, they were in their favor and the past mistakes would be lessons that he can learn from. That everyone could learn from and his original goal – the goal he set for himself 5 years ago when he fell in love with Paige could finally be met.

Shaking his head once again at the tickets he placed them back on his bookshelf before he decided that there would be no more progress done tonight. He did all he could and tomorrow on the flight would surely be eventual. He could be ready for that. So as Walter O' Brien fell into sleep with the innocent tickets back on their place on the bookshelf. It was a strategic placement on Walter's part to keep them there as it shielded another innocent-looking object. A green, velvet box that had been hiding for the last year.

A/N: Wow, that was fun. Hi, y'all I'm back! Not going to lie this chapter was one of the toughest to write, it was difficult getting into Walter's headspace, especially when it came to emotions and wow the last few chapters have been very emotional. So, I'm very excited to get back to the action and lookout for the next installment of Little Girl Lost!

Next Time on Little Girl Lost:

"Why did you never pick up the phone when I called? All 87 times?" Toby asked quietly as Walter sucked in a breath and leaned back. Admittedly Walter himself didn't know. He remembered astutely seeing his phone flash with Toby's name across it and he would just let it ring. He couldn't bring himself to answer and he knew that just ending the call would be more efficient, yet he couldn't do that either. He didn't want to hurt Toby's feelings. Truthfully, he didn't know what to do each and every time his phone rang so he just…. let it ring.

He never ignored the fact, however, Toby, out of all of them, was the only one who called.

At least Toby tried but Walter for his part never picked up. Did that mean he didn't try either or was there some deep phycological reason that he didn't want to know about or even worse…. he did know and for another phycological reason, he refused to tell it to himself?