8 Months after the Snap
"Thanks so much for having me, Ms Montgomery."
Harper had to snort at the politeness that Steve couldn't help but exude. Her mother seemed to agree, smiling and saying, "I feel like I should be thanking you for accepting the invitation!"
The blond flushed lightly, catching onto the implications about his hero status. Gram, who had absolutely delighted in the super soldier's company, piped up, "Christmas with Captain America? There's a bucket list item I never knew I had, yet I can now cross it off."
She and Steve had reminisced a lot over a dinner Harper and her mother had prepared. They spoke of movie theatres, dancing, music, slang, customs, and so on while the small group ate. Natalie had mostly just picked at her food, opting to fill up mostly on wine. The behavior went unmentioned, at least for that day. Their concerns for her poor coping were addressed often enough outside of holidays.
"This is the first Christmas I've really gotten to celebrate since 1941," Steve admitted with a frown.
"Well, damn good family to join. We celebrate the old-fashioned way with modern day comforts," Gram asserted, clearly determined to keep the experience enjoyable.
She also had a point. They had baked and decorated sugar cookies, listened to music, wined, and dined all day. Now they were seated in the living room of Harper's parents' house, flames flickering in the electric fireplace. The Christmas tree was lit up, casting a multi-color glow over the modest pile of present beneath the branches. Harper was elected gift distributer – or rather, was decreed as such by the family matriarchs – so she donned the tattered Santa hat afforded her position and began to work. She passed the presents out, shushing Steve when he protested being included in the tradition.
With another frown, Harper set another gift bag in front of Natalie, whose cheeks were flushed but not out of embarrassment. She chewed her lip, trying to ignore her worry at least for the time being. With the gifts handed out, Harper took her seat in the plush armchair. Natalie and her mom were on one loveseat while Steve and Gram (by her insistence) sat on the other.
"We take turns and go in a round," Gram explained excited, clapping her palm on Steve's knee for emphasis. Harper grinned; her grandmother was a very tactile woman and Steve was undoubtedly thrown by her. "Youngest goes first."
And so the process of exchanging gifts began with Natalie half-heartedly tearing the paper off a new set of oil-based colored pencils. Mom got a pair of pink oven mitts which declared, "Bitch, I am the secret ingredient." Everyone laughed, even Natalie. Harper went next, pulling several new bowties for Aslan out of a bag. Gram got the group laughing again when she unwrapped a mug depicting a plain chestnut horse labeled "Other Grandmas" beside a unicorn on a stripper pole labeled "Me." Steve laughed and flushed at that one. He then opened up a sampler basket of coffee.
Thus they went several times around the circle until the small piles at their feet were nearly depleted. Natalie opened her final gift and smiled, seeing a scrapbook Harper, Mom, and Gram had made of her and Jordan's time together in college. Mom went next, finding that Harper and Natalie had managed to convert her and Dad's wedding video tape to a DVD.
Harper turned over the small green box in her hands. The tag informed her that it was from Steve. Carefully, she lifted up the lid. Inside, on a beaded metal chain was a small piece of metal that was slightly dinged and tarnished with age.
James B. Barnes. 32557038
"Steve, is this…?" Harper breathed, tears already flooding her eyes.
"Each soldier was given two dog tags. When we formed the Howling Commandos, Buck and I knew we might lose the other in one of our missions. We were a small division with limited resources facing off against the rogue science division of the Nazis, after all. So we exchanged our second tags, so we would at least have something to remember the other by. I was going to return this to him once the code and everything was gone, but…" Steve had to pause to clear the emotion from his throat. "I think he'd want you to have it."
The tears had long since overflown the dams of her eyelids. Through her sobs, Harper managed, "Thank you, Steve!"
The gift opening paused, as all the eyes in the room needed to be dried and comforting hugs needed to be exchanged. More collected, Gram unwrapped a photo collage of the family, again becoming teary seeing images of her lost son, granddaughter, and son-in-law amongst them. Harper watched anxiously as Steve opened his final gift. He froze, realizing almost immediately what it was. He fingered the papers he pulled from the envelope, eyes skimming the words.
"Harper?"
"I have all of James's journals from Bucharest. He was so grateful you were able to recover them from CIA custody after the mess in Vienna. I haven't read them – it feels like too much of a violation. But I have leafed through them a little, when I've… needed to feel close to him," Harper explained, choking on another wave of tears. "I found that letter to you, and figured you deserved to finally get to read it."
The soldier's deep blue eyes passed over the lines containing his best friend's slanting script. Suddenly, he stood and announced that he needed a moment before hastening from the room. Harper examined the tag in her palm as her mother began cleaning up the discarded wrapping paper. Her thumb traced the name embossed in the metal before her fingers curled around it protectively. She cradled her hand to her chest, willing the painful throbbing to subside.
10 Months after the Snap
"So let's map out a plan," Harper suggested. She rifled through the things on her desk before putting a piece of paper and pen on the table between her and her patient. "What's the goal?"
"To avoid comfort eating," Carol replied. "I need to handle my sadness in a healthier way."
"And what are the things standing in your way of doing that?"
The older woman hummed thoughtfully before responding, "Well, my son lives with me and keeps all of his junk food in the cabinets, so no matter what I buy, I always have access to those foods."
"Okay, good. What else?"
"Umm… it's a habit?"
"Alright, makes sense. Anything else?"
"Oh, well, I guess the other problem is that getting food delivered is really easy."
Harper nodded and added this to the chart she was making. "Can you think of any other challenges to meeting your goal?"
There was a pause before Carol shook her head in the negative. "So what's next?"
"These are your mental contrasts – your desired future and the obstacles of your present reality. Now we need to come up with your implementation intentions, which are actions you'll take when goal-relevant situations arise. Together, this MCII technique has been shown across studies to increase goal attainment."
"Okay," Carol agreed with a nod.
Harper asked, "So what can be done about your son having those foods around?"
"I'm not sure. He moved in with me to help take care of me after John was… you know… so I feel too guilty to ask him not to eat what he wants."
"I wonder if Paul would be willing to keep those foods in his room? That way he can still choose what he includes in his diet, but you aren't tempted by those things."
The older woman looked troubled for a moment before saying, "That still feels like an inconvenience maybe."
"You've mentioned before that he gets frustrated when you eat his foods. Perhaps if you talk to him about how making that change could help both of you, he would be willing to try."
"Oh, that's true. Okay, you can write that idea down."
In short order, Harper had added other strategies to the list including creating a new habit of chewing gum when the urge to comfort eat arose and deleting the food delivery apps from her phone. With that done, Harper handed Carol the paper. "I want you to take this and try your best to use it over the next week. Take notice of when these situations arise, how you respond, and what happens next. Then next week when we meet, we can talk about what worked and what didn't and adjust as we need to. Okay?"
"Yes, this sounds good. I feel better having a plan."
Harper smiled earnestly at the woman. "I'm glad you're feeling a bit reassured by the process. Is there anything else you had wanted to discuss this session as we head into the last couple minutes here?"
"No, this has been good. Thank you."
"Not a problem at all. I'll see you next week, Carol.
Goodbyes were exchanged and Harper let out a sigh. She tapped her computer to life and entered a quick session note to Carol's file. It felt good to have been doing work back in her field. She had seen so much distress since she'd been back, and felt constantly overloaded between clients and school. But she was seeing positive gains, too, and that was comforting and rewarding.
Brown eyes glanced at the clock. She had a couple minutes before her next appointment and then she could head home for the day. There was some reading she needed to do for her class the next morning, but she wondered hopefully if she might be able to head to bed early.
Her phone lit up and she glanced at the screen. It was a text from her mother. Harper frowned, knowing her mother very rarely messaged her during the day. She thumbed the notification across the screen, opening the message.
"Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me," she hissed beneath her breath. She read the message a second time, trying to choose her response.
Mom: Call me ASAP please. It's about Natalie.
With another glance at the clock, she quickly decided to return the call. When she heard her mother pick up, she said, "Mom I only have like two minutes."
"I just didn't want to tell you this in a text. Natalie got picked up by a police officer near her apartment this morning. She was wandering around completely wasted. But the problem is, she had pills on her too."
"What the-?"
"I don't know what to do for her, or what's going to happen now!"
"Okay, mom, look. I'm going to ask my supervisor to leave early and I'll be over as soon as I can, alright?"
"I'm sorry, Harper, I just…"
"Mom, it's okay. I'll text you when I'm heading to the T"
"Thank you."
The brunette hung up the phone and dashed out of her office to her supervisor's. In short order, she was pulling on her coat as she rushed through the building. She tugged the zip up and readjusted her bag on her shoulder as her boots hit the sidewalk. On autopilot, she made her way to the nearest entrance to the subway. With bitterness, she thought that she no longer had any hope of an early night.
1 Year after the Snap
"It's your birthday, Harper," Tawny implored, green eyes adding emphasis to her plea.
"What the hell is there to celebrate?" the brunette snapped, setting her cup of tea down harder than she intended to. "I'm exhausted all the fuckin' time, my one living sister hates me because I helped get her put into rehab, I still haven't found a new doctor since there's still a shortage so I haven't been able to see a specialist for the clusters, and I'm behind on my research project."
"But it's your last birthday of your 20s; you gotta celebrate. You've got so much good shit goin' for ya, too. You're a total kick ass lady doing so many cool things. And do you really think everyone you lost would have wanted you to miss out on things?"
Harper breathed a sigh. "I don't want to do much."
"Fine, fine," Tawny nodded enthusiastically. "Let's just grab a couple drinks at a bar?"
"Yeah, fine."
"And because I've brought this up a couple weeks in advance, there's no reason that you can't be planful enough to leave one night free. No cancelling."
The brunette scowled and begrudgingly agreed. She had started drinking again in the past year, which had been part of the conflict with her sister. No matter how Harper pointed out the infrequency of her drinking given her lack of free time, Natalie still equated Harper giving up on sobriety to her own alcohol use. Hopefully perspective was something she was gaining in rehab, but Harper wasn't going to hold her breath.
"Okay, you may have been onto something, Tawn," Harper admitted with a small smile.
She shifted her position in front of the full-length mirror in her bedroom, checking her reflection from another angle. Maybe her body had changed a little, redistributed things or something, because she was pretty sure her weight hadn't changed. Yet she couldn't help but think she looked good. She wore a pair of simple black skinny jeans tucked into black strappy heeled sandals. With a grin, she admired the way her corset style black top hugged the curve of her waist and emphasized her bust. What may have been a scandalous amount of cleavage was partially obscured by a floral mesh overlay that stretched up to the base of her throat and crawled over her shoulders and down her arms in loose fitting sleeves. Her hair had grown out again, dark waves sprawling down between her shoulder blades.
It felt deliciously normal to have spent the evening primping and sipping on a drink with her friend, music playing in the background. They took a few pictures together, since Tawny couldn't survive doing anything without posting it on social media, and then hit the town. They walked a few blocks to a local bar which was not quiet but not overrun by boisterous college students either.
Harper couldn't help the grin on her lips, which she had delighted in painting a deep purple for the first time in ages. With luck, the two women secured two seats at the bar.
A woman with vibrant pink hair greeted them as they sat, finishing with the customer she was tending to before approaching them. "Hey, guys. What can I get you?"
"Gin and tonic," Harper found herself saying.
Tawny threw her a weird look before answering the bartender, "Vodka cran, please."
As the bartender began preparing their drinks, her friend asked, "Since when the fuck do you drink gin and tonic?"
"I don't," she answered with a frown. "I… that's what James drank."
The pair was silent for a moment, save thanking the pink haired woman and opening up a tab. Finally, Tawny said, "Well, let's toast him and the others, and a year that couldn't possibly be any worse than this past one. 'Kay?"
Harper nodded and they clinked glasses before sipping their drinks. The two women chatted happily after that about the things going on in their lives. Tawny spoke of the new projects she had going at work, and Harper spoke about an opportunity her academic advisor had provided her to co-author a journal article with him.
"Damn, get it girl!" Tawny cheered before taking a deep sip off her third drink.
"And what're you beautiful ladies getting?"
Harper fought the grimace on her face as she turned to look at the man who had addressed them. He was attractive, she supposed. His hair was red and curly, falling neatly around his face. He had light brown eyes and a fair complexion. A simple green t-shirt and light wash jeans covered his lean form.
Tawny slung an arm around Harper's shoulders and announced proudly, "This lady is getting her doctorate and loads of accomplishments on the way there."
"Wow," he said, looking genuinely impressed. "What're you studying?"
"Clinical psychology," Harper answered.
"Oh cool, so you'll be like a legit doctor."
"Yeah, that's the plan."
"Like with kids and stuff?"
She shook her head in the negative. "No, with older adults."
He hummed and nodded. Then he introduced himself, "I'm Jared."
"Tawny."
"Harper," she introduced with some annoyance. She wasn't sure if she was imagining it, but this guy seemed to have a hard time splitting his gaze evenly between them. Rather, his eyes seemed to land on her a little too much for her liking.
He clearly didn't pick up on her cues because he kept talking. It wasn't that he was bad company; he listened well and had interesting things to say. But slowly he kept moving closer to her, his eyes kept roaming her body and face, and Tawny was eventually sidelined from the conversation. She didn't seem bothered at all, throwing Harper a suggestive wink before she turned and struck up conversation with the group beside them.
"Can I buy your next drink?" Jared asked with a winning smile.
Harper waved her hand in protest. "No, no, no, that's really okay."
"No strings attached, I swear," he stated, raising his hand like he was taking an oath. "Just to celebrate your impending authorship."
The brunette shook her head, insisting, "It's really alright. As a rule, I don't accept gifted drinks from people I don't know. Nothing personal."
"Ah, we're not strangers anymore! We've been talking all night!" he chuckled.
Harper smiled politely, but held her ground. She'd learned that truly expectation-free drinks were rare, and she wasn't interested in finding out whether this was one of those times.
Still confident, Jared flirted, "You must have to turn down a lot of drinks then. Beautiful girl like you must get all kinds of offers."
"Not really. I rarely go out. Too busy," she shrugged.
"Staying in is nice, too," he nodded, eyes flicking down to her chest.
She flushed uncomfortably, but was saved by a familiar voice.
"Harper!"
The tension melted from her body when she stood to give the newly arrived blond a hug. "Steve, I'm so glad you made it!"
He returned the hug before pulling away. Harper turned to his companion, hugging her too. "Hey, Natasha."
The other woman hugged her back before pulling away with a knowing look between the brunette and the red-haired flirt.
Jared blinked several times. "H-holy shit. You're Captain America. And Black Widow."
"Steve," the blond greeted, offering his hand to shake.
Jared took it, still struggling to rein in his surprise. "Wow, Harper, you're one interesting girl."
Harper let an annoyed sigh out through her nose, though it was covered by the din of the bar. She didn't reply, simply taking a long sip from her drink.
Shaking himself out of his stupor, the man pressed, "I'd love to learn just how interesting. Maybe I could get your number?"
Internally screaming in dismay, Harper silently cursed Tawny for insisting they go out. Mustering her kindness and patience, she said, "It's been fun chatting, but I'm really not looking for anything right now, casual or otherwise."
To his credit, he took it well. "No worries. It's been nice talking to you and wow getting to meet a couple of Avengers? Still a net win. Hope you enjoy the rest of your night."
Harper nodded and the redhead offered a parting smile before disappearing into the crowd. Tawny rejoined the conversation and the group of four talked happily for a while. Slowly, the patrons on either side of Harper and Tawny left, allowing the two fighters to take up seats at the bar as well. As conversation and liquor kept flowing, Harper began to feel a bit more content. The whole interaction with the flirtatious man had decidedly dampened her mood, though.
When Tawny and Natasha had become absorbed in conversation about whether or not Nat should touch the blonde as her red hair grew ever longer, Harper mentioned to Steve, "I'm glad you were able to get her to come up for the weekend."
"Me too. She needed to be pulled out of HQ for a little bit." His blue eyes moved down to the drink clasped between her hands. "Gin and tonic?"
Harper nodded and offered nothing further. Steve was quiet a moment before asking, "Did you turn down that guy because I showed up?"
"What?" she asked, startled. "No. Why?"
"I was just wondering if maybe you were into him but didn't want me to see you getting with someone else," he clarified.
The brunette finished off her drink while she gathered her emotions in a tighter mental grip. She shook her head and said, "I didn't really consider whether or not that would hurt your feelings, to be honest. I wasn't interested in him."
"It… would've been okay if you were," the blond mentioned carefully, eyes dropping to the bar top.
Her own eyes fell downward. "I'm still in love with James."
Steve coiled an arm around her shoulders, offering her a comforting side huge. "I understand."
A/N: Thank you for all of the support and continued interest. More of Harper's life and relationships explored, which I hope is interesting. Does it feel like we're getting to know her more? Also, regarding Harper's career - I chose her occupation early on in the writing process due in part to one soon to be revealed reason. Some research and creative license went into the descriptions of her education and work. Regardless, I'd love to hear feedback as we progress forward in the Blip. Thank you again!