1 Year, 5 Months after the Snap
Harper grinned down at the small crowd of costumed kids at her door. They chirped a chorus of "Trick or Treat," offering their pumpkin shaped buckets to her. She gave them each a compliment for their costume, dropping candy in the pumpkins.
One girl stepped forward in a long black cloak, shoes that swirled at the toe, striped purple and green tights, and a pointed black hat. Beaming, she declared, "I'm a witch, too!"
Harper grinned and said, "Of course! I could sense another witch with powerful magic."
With all the kids gifted their sweets, they cheered a collective thanks before skipping down the hallway to the next participating apartment. Harper closed the door again, to Aslan's relief. Unless he was jailbreaking of his own free will, any exposure to the outside world made him quite nervous. He hid behind her legs each time she opened the door. This had the unfortunate result of getting orange and white fur all over her boots.
Harper glanced down at her pseudo-costume. She wore a simple black shift dress with billowing bell sleeves, opaque black tights, and her over the knee heeled boots. A simple witch's head sat atop her head. It was cute and efficient. And the first time she had managed to wear the boots since the Snap. They reminded her of James given his affinity for them and the ravishing she had once gotten whenever she donned them. It made her sad when she pulled them on, but it felt manageable.
As she sank back down to her couch to continue reading for one of her classes, her fingers absently curled around the metal tag sitting on her chest. Her thumb swept back and forth over the embossed lettering as her eyes roamed back and forth across the pages of her book. She made the occasional highlight, sighing with fatigue the further into the chapter she got. It was with great gratitude that she was able to occasionally get up and hand out more candy.
1 Year, 8 Months after the Snap
Harper: Happy New Year, Natalie. I hope you're doing well, and I love and miss you.
Natalie: Fuck off Harper.
Harper sighed, tossing her phone onto the couch beside her. Not only had Natalie gone right back to numbing her grief with pills and booze as soon as she discharged from rehab, but her anger had not died down at all. Ultimately, she didn't regret the choices she had made. She would still give the same report to the courts about her concerns regarding her sister's substance use and her feeling that a controlled environment would be an option that increased her safety. Ultimately, it was likely her report and clear competence with the subject matter that had sealed Natalie's fate to attend court-mandated rehab after her arrest for public intoxication and possession. She also didn't regret name dropping a few facilities her colleagues with more experience in addiction counseling had recommended to her while giving her statement.
The brunette scratched idly at Aslan's cheek. He arched his neck, sinking his front claws happily into her thigh. His chest vibrated with soft purrs of contentment. Brown eyes glanced down, noting the threadbare state of the bowtie collar around his neck.
"Which bowtie do you want next, buddy? Your snowman one? Probably. Have to wear that one while it's still in season."
He responded by stretching out his long legs and flopping back into her torso. The large mammal took up the entirety of her lap, up her abdomen, and hung off the sides of her thighs. She smiled fondly down at her big boy, heart swelling for the affectionate creature. If the rest of her life was in shambles, at least she had her gentle giant waiting to love on her when she got home.
2 Years, 1 Month after the Snap
"So still nothing from Thor?" Harper asked, spearing a tomato on her fork.
"No," Steve shook his head. "He's totally cut himself off from all of us. We're pretty sure he's still in the town the Asgardians have settled in, but…"
"What about the others?"
"Clint is still… spiraling," the soldier answered vaguely, alluding to the former agent's continued vigilante killings. "Bruce is locked up in his lab working on whatever the hell it is he's decided he needs to be doing. Nat is still driving herself into the ground coordinating all post-Snap efforts still."
"Nothing really new then, huh?" she asked with a frown.
He shook his head again. "Rhodes is doing well. Back to work and still helping us out."
The brunette smiled. "Well, that's good. And how have you been, Steve?"
The super soldier breathed a sigh, setting his own fork down. They were seated at an outdoor dining table at a restaurant in Washington D.C. Steve had been bouncing between his apartment there and the Avengers complex in New York. Not that Harper didn't want to see the others at the complex, but it was nice to visit with just Steve sometimes. She felt more comfortable and at ease around him.
"Alright," he answered with a slight nod of his head. "Just… feeling a bit useless. I wanted to pick your brain, actually."
"Oh?" she asked, taking a sip from her blueberry Moscow mule. It was a perfectly light and refreshing cocktail for a hot afternoon.
"There's a community center here looking for people to lead Snap support groups. Do you think… I could do that?"
Harper appraised the man for a moment. He tried not to shift uncomfortably beneath her keen gaze. He was also afraid of her answer; was he too screwed up to help people in that way?
"Does the community center provide training for the group leaders?" she asked carefully. He nodded, hope rising in his chest. Slowly, she nodded. "Yeah, I think as long as the center is working to provide ethical support and care for people, you'd be well suited to it. You listen well, you have a reliable and calm presence, and you're genuine in your care for other people.
"I think that could be good for you, too," she continued. "Maybe this is too much, but it seems to me like having an outlet for some meaning making would be helpful."
Steve nodded and said, "It's not too much. I'm glad you don't think it isn't a silly idea."
"Not at all," she shook her head for emphasis.
"How did you doctor's appointment go?" he asked, suddenly remembering a text update from a couple months ago. "I mean, what a great idea."
Harper grinned wickedly and practically cackled with delight. "The doctor wouldn't agree with that sentiment. He about shit a brick when he walked in and I told him that I had purposely made the appointment so a cluster would fall inside of it. And then when it started and he got to see the reaction in my cluster eye, all of the pain, and could take my vitals during it… Well, suffice to say I ruined his day and got my referral. Two birds, one stone."
"That's great!" Steve beamed. "When can you see the specialist?"
"They – like everyone else – are super short staffed and behind, so it'll be several more months. But that's okay. I'm finally on the road to getting help. I mean, I know there's no cure, but… any advice I can get to be able to live better with this condition, any more educated prescriptions…"
"I'm happy for you," he replied earnestly.
They finished their meal in good spirits before deciding to take a walk by some of the nearby monuments. Steve looked down at her as they walked. For not the first time, he was struck by how perfectly she fit the bill of a modern version of Bucky's ideal woman. She wasn't particularly tall. Her hair was a deep espresso color, tumbling over her shoulders in waves. Bright brown eyes of an almost cinnamon hue framed by dark lashes glanced up at him as they continued down the sidewalk. Her nose was short and rounded at the tip, though it fit her face well. Her mouth was similarly small in width, but full. She wore a pretty berry color on her lips, highlighting their nice shape. A simple maroon button down draped loosely over her frame. The first couple buttons on her shirt were left undone, falling apart just enough to allow a peek of cleavage. He had seen her on her birthday and was quite positive that an hourglass waist was hidden beneath the dark fabric as well as a rather full bust. Dark wash jeans hugged her legs, emphasizing her full thighs. There wasn't much out of the ordinary going on in the back, but Bucky had always been much more interested in what was happening on top. Steve could acknowledge that she was pretty, sure, but he could only imagine how happy Bucky had been with his luck in landing a woman so near his ideal. Dark hair, curvy, top heavy, modest in dress, unique eyes, lovely lips… He found himself suddenly wondering if Harper was aware.
"I don't say this to be creepy," he began suddenly, causing Harper to lift a brow at him. "Sorry, uh… I was just wondering if you knew, but Buck probably thought he was the luckiest guy to have such a pretty dame. Woman. Umm…"
Harper laughed and waved him off. "How reassuring that you're capable of being awkward, too. But yes, he certainly told me often that he appreciated the way I look."
"I think more than appreciated," Steve pressed, wanting her to really understand. "He never spoke about you like that, no disrespectful sharing of private details, but I know him and what he found attractive in women and you'd have been like… a dream come true. Checked all his boxes."
Her cheeks flushed crimson and she replied, "Oh, you're exaggerating."
"No, I'm really not," he insisted. "I'm being serious. And I just… thought you should know that."
"Thanks, Steve," Harper replied, face still covered in a blush. "Maybe he did try to convey that to me. I don't know. I struggled to see how he could've been as attracted to me as he claimed to be, and had a hard time listening when he spoke about those kinds of things."
"That must've been hard for him," the soldier mused, reminiscing about his lost friend. "He always doted on the girls he dated – thrived off making them feel happy and special."
It was a beat before she replied, her voice tight, "It was hard for him. I was too messed up and stubborn. I know he felt unfulfilled in some ways as my partner. He wanted to take care of me and dote on me, and I rarely let him. I wish I'd…"
Harper's voice broke off. Steve looked away, understanding the sadness and regret that had cut her off. "He loved you even so. When he told me about you the first time, and he said he was in love with you, I was shocked. Never thought I'd see the day Bucky fell in love. But he did."
He watched her nod and dab at her eyes from his peripheral vision. With a rough swallow of his own emotions, he said, "I'm sorry. Bringing stuff like this up mustn't be helping you move on, and I don't mean to bring up pain."
There was another pause as Harper collected herself and regained her voice. More evenly now, she said, "I can't really talk about James with anyone else. The only other person in my life who knew him was Kat, and she's gone too. It feels good to be able to talk to someone who knew him. And as for moving on…"
She chuckled humorlessly and Steve nodded. That was certainly a relatable sentiment. She had said before that Buck was her first love and that there had only been one other man ever on her radar. He could relate. Peggy was his first and only love, and he knew that his heart would never belong to anyone else in the way she owned it.
"It's hard to let go of the future you dreamed of sharing with your love," the blond muttered regretfully.
Harper nodded her agreement. "Especially when it's a future you had literally just outlined and begun to dream about together."
"Getting married, moving in together, creating a space to share for decades to come…"
"I never really thought of myself as the marrying type. But… after talking things out in Wakanda… I wanted to be his wife someday," Harper confessed.
"Aren't we two messed up peas in a pod?" Steve asked with a wry smile.
"The most serial of monogamists," she chuckled her agreement. "Mates for life."
"Absolutely."
"So about those boxes…?"
2 Years, 4 Months after the Snap
"Harper, how many times is Natalie going to have to go before she comes out alright?"
"That's up to Natalie, Gram," the brunette answered with a sad sigh.
"Well, aren't these rehab places supposed to be helping her?"
"The adage about leading a horse to water is a good one here," Harper answered.
She watched her grandmother's shoulders fall with defeat. "She's throwing away her life."
"We can all choose to do with our lives what we want, even if those choices are bad ones," Harper said evenly, reaching across the table to pat the frail hand that sat there.
At 91, the older woman was still doing well for her age, but the grief and stress of the last two years had certainly taken a toll on her health. She was weaker, more fatigued. There were caretakers going into her home each day to help her bathe and get dressed for the day, as well as to help around the house. Harper and her mother helped often as well, and made sure to get her out and about, too. But Harper had worked in aging services for years and she saw the decline in her grandmother toward the end.
"Gram, I know it's hard to watch Natalie do this, but we can't make her change."
"I know, I know," Gram muttered, shifting her hand to hold onto Harper's. "I've already lost one grandbaby, and I don't want to lose another."
"All we can do is support her in whatever way she lets us. And if she decides she needs our help, then we give it."
"What a hopeless position to be in."
Harper stared down at the table top. She squeezed the bony fingers in her palm and urged, "It certainly doesn't feel good."
"Is she still not talking to you?"
With a shake of her head, Harper offered no further information. It wouldn't do her grandmother any good to tell her about the extent of Natalie's animosity toward her. Some things were better kept secret.
2 Years, 6 Months after the Snap
Harper: Mom told me you won't come to Thanksgiving if I'm there. I'll be leaving by 3:30, so you can join them for the second half of the day. Gram would really like to see you, and she's not as healthy as she used to be. I hope you'll go.
Natalie: Fuck off with your martyrdom.
Harper: What are you talking about?
Natalie: Of course poor, perfect Harper makes the sacrifice play so I can join the family. Of course Harper knows exactly what's happening with Gram because Harper is so smart.
Harper: Do what you want, Natalie. I just wanted to let you know that the opportunity is there for you to take.
Natalie: Why would Gram even want to see me when she has the perfect granddaughter already? The perfect princess who has the answer to everything, who is always responsible, and who can handle everything that happens because she's just so mature and emotionally controlled. Poor Harper, who lost her fucking mass murdering puppet of a boyfriend on top of everyone else, but is pushing through and doing okay.
Harper: Don't place your anger toward me on a man who died trying to defend the human race.
Several more angry messages from Natalie lit up her phone, but Harper deleted them without looking. She was far from perfect and had surpassed the limit of what she could take. More than ever, she wished for the love and support of her partner.
2 Years, 9 Months after the Snap
"Mom, calm down," Harper beseeched, heart pounding wildly. When she answered her phone, she hadn't expected her mother to by hysterical and crying.
"Sorry, sorry," her mother choked out. She took a few shuddering breaths then continued, "Gram fell this morning. Her homecare aide found her on the floor and called for an ambulance. She's being transported to the hospital now."
An icy wave of fear travelled down Harper's body. She quickly bundled her fear and worries in a tight mental ball and thrust it into a compartment in a far corner of her mind. Evenly, she asked, "Do you know which hospital they're bringing her to?"
Her mother supplied the requested information and Harper mentally mapped out a T route. "Okay, I'll come pick you up and we'll go together. I'll be to you in a half hour, okay?"
"Oh, Harper, but you're so busy!"
"Mom, it's okay. Go wash your face, pack some snacks, a water bottle, and some tissues in your purse, and I'll be there soon."
"Thanks, honey. See you soon."
"Love you, mom. Bye."
"Love you, too."
Harper ended the call and tossed her phone down on her kitchen counter. She flitted around her apartment, trying to gather the things she needed for a possibly long stay in a hospital waiting room. Phone charger, water, granola bars, tissues because her mother surely would not bring enough, and some change for shitty hospital vending machine purchases were all thrown haphazardly into her bag. Extra food and a second bowl of water were put out for Aslan, and she set a long YouTube video about birds to play on the TV for him. She pulled on a pair of boots, her thick wool peacoat, earmuffs, scarf, and gloves before heading out into the frigid January air toward the nearest T entrance.
In short order, she had gone the requisite number of train stops, hopped onto the bus she needed to head out toward the more residential area where her family home was, and was knocking on the door. Her mother answered a moment later, looking better than she had sounded on the phone, but still frazzled and still blinking away tears.
"Hi, honey," she greeted wearily, locking the door behind her. They set off down the sidewalk the way Harper had just come to catch the next bus back to the T. Harper linked her arm with her mother's as support while they walked up the icy sidewalk. Her mother sniffled and said, "I tried calling Natalie four or five times and she won't take my calls."
"Did you leave her a message?" The other woman nodded. Harper suggested, "Maybe text her too. At least that way it will pop up on her screen and she can't totally ignore it. She might catch the gist and then figure out there's something important happening."
"I hate the idea of her finding out that way, but you're probably right," her mother sighed. "I'll text her from the bus. My hands are staying in my mittens until then."
"So, what exactly happened?" the brunette asked as they took cover from the frigid wind within the small bus stop.
Her mother passed on the information the homecare aide had given her employer, who had been the one to call her mother. Evidently, Gram had been sitting in her armchair and had dropped her eyeglasses. When she reached down for them, she leaned too far and fell out of the chair, landing on her side. Her hip had been in too much pain and she couldn't turn over onto her knees to get up. Luckily, her aide arrived only an hour or so later and was able to call for help.
Now seated on the bus, Harper laid a hand on her mother's knee. "Are you alright, mom?"
Her cinnamon brown eyes roamed her mother's form. Her chestnut brown hair was wispy and somewhat out of place, even taking into account the knit hat on her head. Her face was drawn and Harper couldn't remember seeing the lines alongside her mother's eyes quite so notably before. Her mother gave a short nod and admitted, "It's just been a lot of difficult things piled on top of one another."
Harper squeezed her mother's knee gently. In many ways, she and her mother had experienced the most similar losses. They had both lost a sibling and the person they love. But her mother had also lost a child, a pain Harper couldn't even imagine. Now her relationship with one of her surviving daughters was strained and her mother was decompensating.
Gently, the young woman asked, "Have you thought anymore about my suggestion to talk to someone? Or to join a group?"
Her mother heaved a sigh. "Maybe once we know what's happening with Gram I will."
"I'll get you a list of options for both, alright?"
"You don't need to do that, Harper. You're so busy."
"Mom, I'm not in classes anymore, remember? Just full-time internship. I have more time now than I have the last three years, and I can use it to support you. We need to support each other."
With another nod, her mother agreed, "You're right. You need to let me know how I can be there for you, too."
Harper nodded and offered her mother a smile, knowing she wouldn't actually take her up on the offer. Burdening her mother with her issues wouldn't help either of them. It was clear the older woman couldn't take much more, and seeing her more stressed and exhausted would only be worse for Harper as well. As Natalie liked to point out, Harper was always the calm one in control of her emotions, and she would continue to be for the good of what was left of her family.
A/N: Thank you for sticking around! For those who want to get back to cannon, hang in there; at almost 3 years into the Blip, we are moving ever closer to End Game. Also, I miss hearing from more of you guys, so feel free to drop a quick review! Thank you for all of the follows and favorites, too!