Written for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry (challenges & assignments)

Auction: Day 29, Auction 1: (dialogue) "Have a nice morning with your murder victims!" - Sinister

W/C: 603

Summary: Bellatrix might be a psychopathic killer, but even a psycho still worries about getting older... (Bellatrix/Rodolphus) Crack!Fic

Getting Older

Bellatrix sat down at the dresser in her bedroom and stared at herself after putting some make-up on. She leant a little closer to the mirror, looking suspiciously at the roots of her hair. Was that… yes, it was! Surely it shouldn't be happening now? She was only in her twenties. She slammed her elbows on the top of the dresser, her few bits of make-up rattled with the movement, and pulled manically at her thick, black curls.

She checked her parting before checking other areas of her hair. There was more than one!

"What's going on?" Rodolphus asked, coming into the room with a pile of folded bedsheets.

"Roddy," she said with a whiny sigh, "am I going grey?" She turned in her seat and dropped her chin to her chest so he could look for her.

Rodolphus put the sheets on the bed before going to check her hair. She gritted her teeth in anticipation as he gently moved her hair around at the back of her head and probed her scalp. He always had such a gentle touch, sometimes she wished he would just pull her hair. Just once.

"You have a couple, but – Bella, calm down!" he added quickly when a wail of a cry came out. "It'll be okay, you can barely see them. I had to really look."

Bellatrix folded herself in half at the waist, resting her forehead on her knees, and cried quietly. "I'm getting old," she groaned.

"You're twenty-eight and a witch. We've still got at least another eighty years in us," he said soothingly. He knelt down in front of her and forced her to sit up. She sighed contentedly at his comforting smile when he dabbed away her tears with the sleeve of his shirt. "Now first thing tomorrow, I'll help you dye your hair. How does that sound?"

"You are good to me," she said honestly, nodding. He was the only one she trusted to be this weak in front of. It was exhausting being strong and acting like a psychopath to get what she needed out of life. Sometimes she needed looking after too. For someone else to do the manic behaviour. Or just to tell her she was doing a good job. Not that his Dark Lord would ever say thank you for all she does.

"Now, his Dark Lord is downstairs waiting for you. He's got some murder and pillaging to be done this morning, bit of an early start for him. Why don't you go, have some fun, let out some steam, and I'll make a nice dinner for when you get back, yes?

Bellatrix nodded happily with a sniff. "That does sound good, but don't you want to come?"

"My wife needs cheering up, so that's what I'm going to do. Besides," he said, standing up and pulling her to her feet, "I don't want to take away any bit of torture away from you. I want you to have it all for yourself today."

A giggled escaped her at the idea of all the people she could hurt without having to share. "Sometimes I don't know how I got to be so lucky. Our parents did so well putting us together."

Rodolphus dropped a kiss on the tip of her nose. "Now smudge that beautiful eyeliner, backcomb those curls, and I'll tell his Dark Lord you're coming."

A few minutes later, he was seeing her off with their leader, both of them skipping out of the front door. "Have a nice morning with your murder victims!" he called, waving at them before they Disapparated away.