The Best Offer

by shy-n-great

Bunch of Drabbles and Stories from prompts won at Auction or I have manic deadlines. Some will be short, some will be long, very long. Chapter 39: Lucius and Hermione were once an item. Now they're not. Now they're friends. Can you ever truly be friends with your ex?

16. As the Tides Change

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry (challenges & assignments)

A4 - Religious Education - Task 10 - Write about someone eager to help others

Auction: Day 11, Auction 3 - James/Narcissa

W/C: 15,036

Summary: Narcissa reflects on her last year at Hogwarts after hearing of the Potters' deaths and the love she had...

A/N: This is a beast of a story that didn't want to end. It's very much not beta-ed, edited, or checked due to deadlines, so you have my sincere apologies if you go ahead with reading it, as I'm fairly sure I started to repeat myself a bit. I will come back to clean it up one day.

Warnings: grief, mild injuries, and off screen death

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As the Tides Change

Now – Diagon Alley, 1981

It was one of those bright autumn days where the sky was clear of all clouds, the sun shining vibrantly, but the temperature had people wrapped up in layers of clothes with thick scarves tightly wound around their necks. They were all so happy – the patrons of Diagon Alley. Celebrating.

Narcissa felt like she was walking around with a hole in her chest for everyone to see. The pain so intense she was struggling to take a full breath.

Draco tugged at her hand when they neared Quality Quidditch Supplies, pulling her out of her melancholy.

"Mama, broom!" His other hand reached out to the window display. And then he was gone, his gloved-fingers slipping through her own.

"Draco!"

A familiar figure suddenly appeared in front of the running toddler, swooping him up and placing him over his shoulder. Draco's shrieks and giggles, Narcissa's favourite sound in the whole wide world, lessened her pain for a brief second.

"Remus," she whispered with a breath of relief.

Remus gave Narcissa a small, sad smile. He shifted Draco to his hip, who stared at Remus' face in awe, a man he'd never met before. Narcissa watched as he came to stand before her in less than two strides, Draco's hand reached up to Remus' face, tracing a very fresh scratch across his cheek.

"Draco, that's sore." Narcissa pulled his hand away gently.

"I've had worse," Remus said, not taking his eyes from her. "Lucius told me you were here."

"I couldn't…" There were no words. She folded her arms tightly, tucking her hands firmly into her sides, like that one movement alone would stop her falling apart.

Remus put an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into an awkward hug with Draco trapped between them. He leant his chin briefly on her soft, blonde hair; it was in loose waves down her back, not her usual neat up-do. "Why don't we get a drink at the Leaky Cauldron?"

Narcissa nodded as she pulled away.

Then - Hogwarts, June 1976

Narcissa, having been sat on the steps leading up to the castle, watched the aftermath of James Potter's interaction with Severus Snape. She even flinched when Severus called the Evans girl a Mudblood; not because of the crass word (she'd never admit to anyone close to her she didn't care for the name), but because she cared for Severus and knew that he'd effectively ruined the only true friendship he had in the school.

The word rippled through the students gathered nearby like a shockwave. It felt like a turning point as the real world started to encroach on the safe bubble the school kept them in. No one was safe anymore, even if Dumbledore was the headmaster; the only man he feared. His views still had reaching fingers into people's minds.

She closed her book, leaving it on her lap, and watched as the fifth-years dispersed. Evans went back to her friends at the bottom of the steps, her face red with shame or rage, maybe both. Severus came racing past her, pale pink spots on his cheeks, and refused to acknowledge her gaze. Potter and his friends returned to the tree they'd been lazing under, hidden in its shadow from the blazing summer's day.

"I wish he would take a long walk off a short pier," Evans' voice snapped.

Narcissa smiled to herself as she opened her book again. She used to think that about Lucius Malfoy once, when they were younger and constantly being forced together at family gatherings. Much like Potter, he was spoilt, pampered, and arrogant, having never had the word 'no' said to him. And then… During his last year of Hogwarts, he changed… he matured and could see a bigger picture for his life. He cared for Narcissa, protected her like she'd never been protected before.

Neither of them wanted to marry the other, but things were expected of them both. So they came to an agreement as they both finished their exams – his the N.E.W.T.'s, her's the O.W.L.'s; they would do the right thing and marry each other. It was love, but not how one would love their spouse. No, Lucius had another love that he would die for. Maybe it was because of this that Lucius had finally become a better person. A person Narcissa could marry and be okay with her lot in the world.

This had been Narcissa's first year at Hogwarts without him, or either of her sisters, and she found she missed Lucius more than Andromeda or Bellatrix.

"Aww, Lily, don't cry," Marlene McKinnon's voice drew Narcissa back to the present. She looked up to find Evans crying into her friend's shoulder. "Look, we were always worried about what kind of person Severus Snape is."

"Lily, no friend would ever us that – that word," Mary McDonald added, rubbing Evans' back.

Narcissa sighed heavily. She closed her book and went into the castle to find Severus. He always did lash out when hurting, but maybe she could get him to apologise now before his friendship with Lily Evans was over forever.

Now

Remus sat on a bench with Draco being held with one arm, his head flopped over Remus' shoulder and fast asleep. Narcissa, sitting opposite them, watched the even breaths of her son, his face tucked into the neck of a man she hadn't spoken to since she left school.

"You always did sooth the people around you," Narcissa said quietly. "He's usually terrible with strangers."

Remus let out a quiet breath of a laugh, his eyes wrinkling as he did. He looked much older than his twenty-one years. "The amount of times I've had to stop Sirius wading into a fight for no reason… it certainly gave me some people skills I never thought I'd need."

Narcissa smiled but wasn't sure why. She glanced around the pub. It was filled with all kinds of people celebrating. She could even see people raising toasts to one another who she knew had never been friends before. She wished their enthusiasm was infectious, something to give her some relief.

"I understand why they're happy, I do…" She turned back to the small table they were sat at, her finger rubbed at the base of her wine glass, the drink still untouched. "How is my cousin?"

A dark look flashed across Remus' features for a moment. "I haven't seen him in a while."

Narcissa felt herself scowl, her jaw tightened as she gritted her teeth. "This war… it made enemies of us all."

Remus didn't respond. He took a small sip of his beer instead, making sure to turn his head away from Draco as he did. Narcissa remembered him saying he would never have children and suddenly felt a loss for the world that a man like him wouldn't get to experience the gift of the children he would raise.

Then - Hogwarts Express, June 1976

Narcissa was walking along the train to stretch her legs. The excitement of the summer holidays was palpable among the students that she couldn't help the smile permanently sitting on her lips. She wasn't sure what she was going home to after hearing the news of Andromeda running away with Ted Tonks, but at least she would be able to spend some time with Lucius.

She spotted Potter by the trolley, looking at the items while the witch served someone else. Narcissa took a deep breath and went to stand by him. Potter briefly glanced at her, giving her a crooked smirk before continuing to pick out some treats.

"Can I give you some advice?" she asked under her breath.

Potter looked at her with a bemused grin. He was a year younger than her but already a head taller than Narcissa. With his free hand he ruffled his messy, black hair. "From the prettiest Black sister? Okay."

The upside of being considered so pretty was no one expected her bite when she wasn't in the mood for suffering fools gladly. Narcissa gave him an unassuming smile before yanking the chocolate frogs from his hand and dumping them on the trolley. She grabbed his wrist and pulled him to the other end of the corridor, shoving him into the corner.

"Steady on, Black." Potter laughed at the rough treatment she'd given him.

"Shut up, you jumped up swine!" She prodded a finger sharply into his chest.

"Let me guess, this is for Snivellus." Potter rubbed a the place she'd jabbed him, a wicked glint in his eyes.

Narcissa rolled her eyes. He sniggered. She gripped the collar of his shirt and pulled him down to eye level, her nose dangerously close to hers. Another thing people never expected of Narcissa, with her dainty and slight figure, was her strength. "This is for your own good. If you want a chance with Lily Evans then you need to grow up. Fast."

She started to let go of his shirt, his hand holding her wrist, which was a surprisingly gentle grip for how rough Narcissa was being with Potter, but then a smirk started to appear. She pulled him back, the smirk disappearing fast.

"You're not an idiot, Potter. You've ruined a friendship for her, now show her that it was for the best rather than confirm what she thinks of you," she whispered sharply, her eyes constantly checking for anyone listening. No one passed them.

Potter slowly pulled her hand from his shirt, straightening the collar out as he stood up. He had suspicion in his eyes and didn't say anything for a moment. Both of them kept looking around the narrow, empty corridor, the Trolley Witch now gone into the next carriage.

"I thought Snape was your friend," Potter finally said. "Why are you looking out for Lily?"

Narcissa had so many things she wanted to say, to warn him about. He was too busy messing around with his friends that he didn't see what the world was turning into. The darkness that was coming, especially for the likes of Lily Evans. Potter didn't even see the traumas his own best friend had gone through, even after he'd run away to live with the Potters. Life was wonderful for the great James Potter, so he expected it to be wonderful for everyone else.

"How about you spend the summer thinking about something that doesn't involve you and how it effects only you. Take a look at the wider world, Potter. It's not sunshine and rainbows, and Lily will need you, but not this self-obsessed boy you are." He tutted, starting to move away from her. She pulled at his elbow and he stopped, staring hard at the window behind her. "Take some time and learn something new. Anything. Grow up. You'll be surprised how quickly she changes her view of you… that's if you really want her to like you."

He met her eyes, his face impassive. "Are you done?"

She let him go. He silently walked off in the direction of the Trolley Witch. Only time would tell if she'd done the right thing.

Now

"What will happen to Harry?" Narcissa asked. She took her first sip of her red wine. It tasted sour. She pushed the glass away from her.

"I don't know. Last I heard was Hagrid had to take him to Lily's sister under Dumbledore's orders." Remus frowned, annoyance in his eyes. "I'm not his godfather and he wouldn't let me take him."

"The old man's a fool," Narcissa muttered, her tone bitter. James had often said how awful Lily's sister was and that he'd rather walk over hot coals than let her near his son. "If you need help fighting that battle, I'll do whatever you need, Remus."

"I know. Thank you."

They sat in silence, watching each other, so many things being thought but not said. The chatter around them was getting louder as more alcohol was had and it was barely lunchtime. Draco continued to sleep through it.

"When are the funerals?" she asked. She couldn't take the silence between them anymore.

Remus shook his head, frowning. "You haven't heard?" She shook her head, confused. "There were no bod… bodies," he stuttered over the last word as a breathy sob escaped.

"There's always a body," she said instantly. "That makes no sense."

Draco started to stir, Remus instinctively put a hand on his back, rubbing gently. He settled into his slumber once more. "Maybe we should get him home?"

She nodded. "I need to speak to Lucius."

Then - Hogwarts Library, October 1976

Narcissa had hidden herself away in a corner of the library, her head swimming with all the things she was trying to cram in it for her N.E.W.T. exams at the end of the year. Her mother kept on at her that she was marrying a Malfoy, it wasn't her job to know things. It was her job to have a son and be a good wife. Her father, on the other hand, was dogged in encouraging her to keep learning. Knowledge was power he would say.

"If you were looking for the opportune moment, that was it," Sirius voice snapped from the other side of the bookcase. "You should've let Snivellus keep going. It was the only way he would've learnt to keep that big nose out!"

"Leave the library if you're going to gossip!" the librarian's distant voice called out.

Narcissa looked up at the bookcase to see if the conversation would continue. It did.

"You could've killed him, Padfoot," Potter's voice whispered quietly but firmly. "Do you have any idea what that would've done to Remus?" Silence. "Do you?"

"Alright!" Sirius hissed back. "I know… I know." He did sound like he was genuinely sorry for whatever he'd done.

"You need to apologise to him. To both of them," Potter instructed. "I'm not messing, Sirius."

Narcissa watched the end of the bookcase when she heard one set of footsteps stomp off. A second later, her cousin stormed past her, heading towards the exit of the library. She stayed put when she heard Potter swear under his breath before his steps followed Sirius.

"Oh," Potter said quietly when he spotted her. She didn't bother denying what she'd heard and he didn't ask. "Didn't mean to disturb you." Narcissa shrugged, dipping her quill into her emerald ink. Potter started to walk away when he stopped. "Could I ask you something?"

Narcissa put her quill on its stand by the ink pot. "Okay."

Potter took a seat opposite her at the small table filled with her books and parchment notes. He looked at her homework for a moment, his eyes moving rapidly across her neat handwriting. "I like Charms," he commented.

"Me too," she responded honestly.

He took a breath and looked her straight in the eyes. Narcissa felt herself frown, an odd sensation going through her at the way he was holding her gaze. "Why were you trying to help me with Lily?"

Narcissa dropped her eyes back down to the parchment in front of her, spotting a spot of ink she'd dropped at the top of it. "I'm not sure really," she answered. She sighed, forcing herself to look back at him. He had dark blue eyes with a dark green rim around the pupil. "No, I do, I suppose."

She shifted in her seat, looking at the ink spot again, rubbing her forefinger over it. Too much of her mother's words were going through her mind; keep secrets, tell no one, they make excellent weapons when needed.

But why did she have to keep them as weapons? What if she could help someone instead of hurting them? Was that so wrong?

"I like Severus. He's misunderstood but easily led when he's feeling lonely." Narcissa didn't miss the flash of guilt in Potter's eyes. "That doesn't mean he isn't dangerous, Potter."

"James," he said like it was instinct. "I hate being called by my last name."

She didn't know what to do with that information. It made her feel off-balanced for a brief moment. She bit her tongue to help ground her again and carried on. "I do believe Severus would do anything to make it right with Lily, but he's not good for her. He'll put her in danger, given half the chance."

"But why do you care?"

Why did she care? Narcissa couldn't answer it for herself, let alone anyone else. It felt like that right thing to do and that was all there was to it. Or was it?

"I'm tired of drowning in a world full of hate and suspicion. Aren't you?" She swallowed, feeling an unexpected swell of sadness in her, forming itself into a tight ball in her chest. "My own sister, my best friend in the entire world, has been cast out of my family because of who she is," she said in a whisper. "And I can't say anything because I'm scared of what they'll do to me."

Narcissa had never admitted that to anyone. Not even herself.

James – which was how she would think of him now that he had told her to – didn't hesitate to reach across, careful of her notes and ink pot, and placed a gentle hand on top of hers. His rough fingertips rubbed at the skin of her wrist.

"I know what the Blacks are capable of. I've seen what they did to Sirius. My best friend is damaged and he won't admit it to himself."

Narcissa used her free hand to wipe a tear away. She liked how his hand was on hers and didn't want it to end. And the moment she realised that, she slowly pulled her hand back. He let go quickly like she'd been shocked, apologising quickly.

"Why do you carry on the way you do? Like life is one big game?"

"To spite them all."

Narcissa laughed quietly as she dabbed her hands at her cheeks; always dab, never rub, her mother's voice floated through her head. Heaven forbid she ever looked ugly while crying.

"What should I do to make Lily realise I'm not as bad as she thinks I am?" James asked after a moment of a shared smiled.

Narcissa relaxed back into her chair, slouching a little. A defiant happiness flashed through her at how angry her mother would be at seeing her sat like that. She watched him, an earnest look on his face.

"Do you really like her or is it the challenge you like?" Narcissa asked.

James smiled, it was a crooked one that made him look like he was up to no good with that one expression. "I knew I was going to marry Lily the moment I saw her on the train in our first year."

"Marriage? You're thinking that far ahead?" James sat back, throwing his arms out in a confident manner. "What if that's not what she wants?" Narcissa asked, a flash of annoyance that his arrogance had made a reappearance. The question seemed to tamp it down.

"Look, James. Once upon a time is ridiculous, and happily ever after doesn't exist." She started closing her textbooks for want of something to do instead of looking at his face. "You can't assume that Lily Evans is an object to be owned. She has her own dreams and ambitions, and that might not involve you, because even though you may think it, the world does not revolve around you." She wasn't sure how she didn't end up raising her voice, or how she kept it so even.

"That's – you've got it all wrong…" He pulled at his hair with both hands, a habit that he didn't even know he was doing. The hands slid down to rub at his face, a noise of frustration coming out of him.

Narcissa continued to pack her things, stealing a glance at him every so often. James sat slumped, staring at his clasped hands resting on the table.

"She's so good and kind and always sees the best in everyone… except me." James lifted his head as Narcissa fastened her bag. "All I've ever wanted was to make her laugh. I can make everyone else laugh, but not her."

"Have you ever thought that she might want something deeper than a shallow laugh at the expense of someone else's pain or downfall?" she asked, standing up. "Sometimes girls want to talk, to be understood. Why don't you try that instead?"

She didn't wait for him to responded, his vague nod was enough. She just knew she needed some distance from him all of a sudden, her stomach feeling like a thousand butterflies lived in it since that one brief contact he'd made with her hand.

Now

The moment Narcissa entered the Manor, with Remus behind her, still carrying a now awake Draco, Lucius appeared from the living room. His eyes swept over Remus as Draco called to his father, a smile ready for him.

"What's wrong?" Narcissa asked. She could see it in his demeanour, the tiny things; his top button was undone beneath the tie, the ice in the drink he was holding was clinking more than it should, and his eyes kept searching the room like he was waiting for something.

He looked to Remus. "Thank you for helping with Draco, but it's best if you go."

"Lucius," Narcissa said quietly, putting a hand on Remus' shoulder.

Lucius closed his eyes for a moment. It took a deep breath through his nose. When he opened them, anger flared in his grey eyes. "Bella has been an idiot, like she always is, and now the Ministry are coming." He turned his sharp gaze on Remus. "I'm telling you to go for your own good."

Remus nodded. "He's right, Narcissa." He put Draco down, kneeling for a moment. Narcissa and Lucius watched as he shook Draco's hand. "It was a pleasure to meet you, young man."

"Say goodbye, Draco," Narcissa instructed, putting a hand on her son's shoulder.

"Bye," he said, dragging out the word.

Remus stood up, giving a nod to the Malfoys by way of goodbye.

"Remus," Lucius called as he opened the large front door. "It was the Longbottoms… Bella… she, er—"

"How bad?" he asked, an edge to his voice.

Lucius simply shook his head.

Remus slammed the door behind him, the sound echoed around the entrance hall and Draco flinched under her hand. She quickly knelt down, giving him a tight hug before calling for Dobby. "He needs his lunch."

The house-elf bowed low, taking Draco by the hand to lead him into the dining room, chattering nonsense to him. They waited until their was silence and Narcissa followed Lucius into the living room. He took a seat on the couch in front of the fireplace. Narcissa poured herself a neat scotch before joining him.

"Start from the beginning," she said calmly.

Narcissa listened carefully as Lucius told her about Bellatrix taking her husband and brother-in-law to the Longbottoms and torturing them for information on the Dark Lord's whereabouts. It was illogical to them that someone with his power could just… die. He explained that it was for Remus' own good, and not because they had a terse relationship in recent years, that he needed to go; he'd been fed information from an old friend that the Ministry were going to search the Manor for links to the Dark Lord, that they knew Lucius had ties to him, had even helped him. What they didn't know was that Remus and Lucius had been walking a fine line together, sharing information, to keep the balance of power away from the Dark Lord without getting friends or family killed for it. If Remus was found at the Manor, the rumours of him going underground with the likes of Fenrir Greyback would have the Ministry believing it was all true, and nothing Albus Dumbledore said would fix it.

She'd known for a long time that Lucius wanted no part in the Dark Lord's plans of domination. Yes, he believed in the strength of magical blood being pure, but the mania and the death and destruction of everything around them was something Lucius was struggling to live with. However, like many before Lucius, Regulus Black included, one did not just walk away from a psychopath.

"What do we have to hide?" she asked when he was finished, not even pausing to digest what he'd told her.

Lucius looked at her and for the first time in the years she'd known him, there was fear in his eyes. "I don't know. My father let him in here all the time, without him present. There could be anything we don't know about."

It always came down to Abraxas Malfoy. It was because of him Lucius had gone down this path. It was because of him their home was constantly used like a hotel for the Dark Lord's followers. It was because of him they couldn't disappear and be the small, quiet family they dreamt of.

"We should've left when we had the chance," he said. He swilled the melting ice in his glass, the drink long gone. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you from this."

Narcissa gripped the hand he had resting on the couch. "We do this together, Lucius. That was always the agreement."

He gave her a tight smile that didn't reach her eyes before standing up to get another drink.

"Lucius." She sat back into the couch, draining her drink before she continued. "Remus said there were no bodies."

Lucius peered over his shoulder, the decanter halfway to his glass on the drinks tray. "The Potters?"

Narcissa could hear his own confusion. "I know they said his body wasn't there, but he killed them. How could there be no bodies?"

Lucius poured the drink and didn't say a word until he sat back down. "It doesn't make sense."

"And there's nothing the Dark Lord would've done differently? No other spells or curses he might have used on them?"

Lucius shook his head. "Nothing that would leave no trace of a body. He wouldn't have transfigured them either. Waste of time," he said bluntly. "But it makes no sense that there's no body for him either."

He turned his head, his mouth open to say more, but he must've seen something in her expression, something she thought she was hiding; hope. Instead, he gave her a pitying smile, shifting his hand she was holding to lift it to his mouth and kiss the back of it.

"I understand," he said simply.

Then - Madam Puddifoot's, December 1976

The teashop was already crowded with students desperate for a warm drink after wandering around Hogsmeade in the first snowfall of the year. A radio was playing on the counter, the music barely perceptible over the excited chatter. Most of the tables were taken by couples, except one in the corner. Narcissa spotted James with his three cohorts, one of them being her cousin. James waved when he spotted her, pointing to a fifth chair. She glanced at Sirius who gave her a small nod.

She was reluctant and grateful for a table to join, having left her friends with their shopping for Christmas.

"You're all looking rather sedate," she commented when she reached them.

Remus Lupin was in the corner, practically hiding from the room as he tried to keep himself covered by as much of the shadow from the shelf above them as he could. She spotted a faint scratch across his forehead that didn't seem to be very well healed. He snapped off a piece of chocolate from the bar by his cup of tea, avoiding looking at her as she took a seat.

James, Sirius, and Peter Pettigrew all had dark circles under their eyes and appeared to be nursing their hot drinks; a coffee for Sirius and hot chocolates for James and Peter.

"Anyone would think you're all hungover," she said when no one had spoken while she shook her robes of snow before hanging them on the back of the chair.

"May as well be," Sirius said with an attempt of a grin. He held her gaze for a moment. "I hear Bella's married now."

Narcissa gave a sharp nod. "Last month. It was a quiet affair."

"Nothing says romantic more than an arranged marriage," he said with a wry grin.

"Sirius," Remus said quietly, his voice hoarse. "You're not being fair."

She didn't know much about Remus Lupin, but she liked him already for that one sentence.

"Drink, my love?" Madam Puddifoot asked, appearing at her side before she could argue back with her cousin. "Hope these gentlemen aren't up to no good?" She pointed her quill at them all with a stern look over her silver rimmed glasses.

"We're being good as gold today, Mags," James said with a charming smile.

"I'll have a coffee, please," Narcissa said, rolling her eyes at James' ability to flirt with anyone of the female species.

And she grinned happily at him for it while telling Narcissa she'd send the drink over soon.

"How's Andromeda?" Sirius asked once the owner was gone. She didn't miss his animosity and his friends didn't either.

"What do you want from me, Sirius?" she snapped. "I only sat down because I thought I might be welcome."

She started to stand up and James quickly put a hand on her forearm. "Don't mind him. He didn't sleep well and he's a pain in the arse when he's not had more than ten hours sleep. Right?"

Sirius sighed heavily. "I'm sorry, Cissy. He's right. I'm tired."

There was a calendar hanging on the wall Remus was leaning against, just under the shelf. She noted a little symbol on yesterday's date and looked at Remus again. He shifted under her gaze, glancing up to see what she was looking at. Narcissa had suspected of what he was, had heard rumours – thanks to Severus. It made sense now… the cuts, bruises and monthly disappearances of James and his friends that students commented on. Most thought they were setting up pranks or getting up to no good off Hogwarts grounds, not that they could work out how they'd get past the wards.

"Are you all going home for Christmas?" she asked when Remus appeared to be bracing himself for something that wasn't coming. Not from her anyway.

"Not us," James answered, signalling him and Sirius, "Mum and Dad are off to see some family in France, but these two are abandoning us."

When Narcissa looked to Peter, he seemed to squirm at her attention, his eyes darting to hers then away and back again. Like she was about to reveal his darkest secrets.

"Are you going home?" Sirius asked, frowning at Peter's behaviour.

Narcissa shook her head, looking at the coffee that floating in front of her, slowly being placed on the table. "I quite like staying at Hogwarts for Christmas," she said, spooning a large scoop of sugar into her coffee from the main sugar bowl on the table.

There was a thud as Remus' head fell backwards when he nodded off and his the wall. "Sorry, sorry," he muttered, rubbing at his eyes.

"I think I need to get this one back to Hogwarts before we're carrying him back. Why don't you help me, Peter?"

Narcissa didn't miss Sirius' wink at James or Peter's eagerness to leave Narcissa's company and scrutiny. Something was wrong with that boy and she couldn't put her finger on it.

James jumped up. "I'll come back with you."

Sirius reached over and pushed on James' shoulder. "Honestly, we'll be fine. Just going to catch up on some sleep."

Narcissa shared an awkward smile with James, a small breath of a laugh escaping her at Sirius' actions. Her cousin knew she was to marry Lucius, so it was clearly his idea of a prank on them both. They waited until they'd left the teashop, Narcissa idly stirring her coffee, half-listening to the chatter coming from nearby tables.

"Have you had much luck with Lily?" Narcissa asked when James met her gaze.

James shrugged. "Not really. I don't think she's completely forgiven me for what I did to Snape."

Narcissa forced herself to take a sip of her still too hot coffee, the heat of it stinging the tip of her tongue. It was something to focus on rather than the tingle of excitement she felt in her nerve endings at this little bit of news from him. She didn't understand it. He'd not specifically done anything to bring about what was happening to her.

"Are you still pulling pranks?" The way he moved in his seat gave him away. "Girls see everything. They understand a lot. It's your behaviour that's making it hard for you. You need to show her some maturity."

"Are you speaking from experience?" he asked, grinning.

"I'm a girl too, James. There are certain thing we appreciate as a species," she teased, leaning in a little like she was sharing a dark secret.

James laughed, a deep, belly laugh, and Narcissa nearly choked on the next sip of her coffee. She'd never heard him laugh before and it was… a perfect sound. Warm, rich… happy. Her own laughter was caught in her throat as her heart fluttered at the sound of his.

"I don't know," he said with a sigh. "Maybe it's time to give up."

She wanted to say, yes, maybe you should. She wanted to say, I feel like I really like you, James and I need you to look at me like you do when you talk about Lily. The thoughts hit her like lightning bolts to her brain. It was unexpected and baseless, and there wasn't a thing she could do about it now.

That was a lie. There was something she could do. Narcissa couldn't afford to let this continue on her part. She would make sure James ended up with Lily if it was the last thing she did at Hogwarts.

"You've barely even tried to make it right," Narcissa said firmly. "You thought a few weeks of behaving like a gentleman towards her after years of idiocy would make her swoon at your feet? Then you're the moron I thought you were."

"Just when I thought you might be the nice sister," James said with a grimace.

"I'm the honest sister. You want nice, go to Andromeda," she said in her best authoritative voice her mother had trained into her. "Now if you're absolutely convinced that Lily Evans is the woman you will marry one day, then you best start bucking your ideas up and trying harder, because marriage is even harder. There's no such thing as happily ever after."

Jame sank back in his chair, eyebrows raised. "I'd say you're the cynical sister."

"I'm a realist who has seen enough family members get chased out of my family for not doing what is supposedly the right thing." She took a deep breath, unsure where the words had come from, and took a sip of her coffee. It was cool enough to not burn as it went down.

"I know," James said quietly. "You're your own person, Narcissa. You don't have to follow the rules. Sirius and Andromeda haven't."

"I have nothing else to offer other than to be a good wife. It's what I was trained to do," she told him truthfully with a strained smile.

"I know you don't believe that." He reached over to put a hand on her forearm. She slowly pulled her arm away, tucking her hand under the table. "Sorry," he muttered, pulling his hand back sharply.

"I didn't meant to rant. I'm trying to get you to think beyond yourself. How about you to talk to her without expectation? Be a friend?" Narcissa suggested, her attempt at getting the conversation away from her. She couldn't work out why she'd blurted that particular piece of information. James Potter didn't care about her.

"I do make an excellent friend," James said proudly.

"And so modest with it," Narcissa teased.

The doorbell tinkled loudly. Narcissa looked to it to find her friends coming in with hands full of bags, rosy cheeks and snow in their hair. "I should go," she said, pointing to them.

"No. You stay. You'll need the table," James said with a smile. He stood up, putting his hand on her shoulder. "Thank you for the help. I sometimes forget to say it."

Narcissa nodded, not saying a word, not sure if she could with all her energy focused on where his hand had been. She barely came to her senses to wave at her friends to get their attention, watching James as he left the teashop without a backward glance.

Now

It had been two whole days since James Potter had left this world. It still didn't feel right that he wasn't alive anymore. Narcissa couldn't pick up a quill to send him a letter if she wanted to. And she'd wanted to a lot lately. Why didn't she?

She lay in bed, the room a light shade of blue as morning started to arrive. She hadn't slept – she'd tried to for a while, but Lucius had stayed up, prowling the Manor for anything he might need to hide or conceal, and she couldn't sleep without him anymore. Funny how a marriage of convenience could be such a crutch now.

Narcissa rolled on to her side, tucking an arm under the pillow so her head sank deep into it, staring at the thin curtains. She'd given anything to stop the ache in her chest. It was crushing her.

A crash in a room down the corridor made Narcissa eventually give up. She sat up, watched the door to see if Lucius would come to explain the noise, and then got out of bed. Might as well make herself look presentable for the Ministry workers. If Lucius could be understanding of her grief then she would be the dutiful wife for him, after everything he'd done to keep her and Draco safe.

Lucius came into the bedroom as she finished putting some make-up on, dabbing on a coral lipstick as she watched his reflection in the mirror. He looked how she felt inside; broken. But he wasn't broken for the reasons the outside world would think. Sometimes Narcissa wasn't even sure he trusted her with all his secrets, especially have learnt the previous night his relationship to Remus.

He sank on the bed, kicking his shoes off before lifting his feet. He was still in his shirt and trousers from yesterday, the waistcoat and cravat long gone, and his hair was coming loose from the tie.

"Anything?" she asked, patting a tissue over her lips.

"Nothing I can see," Lucius said, his voice hoarse. "I'm sure they'll be here today."

"Narcissa checked her appearance, pulling down at the cuff of her silk shirt sleeves to straighten them out. "Get a shower, have a coffee, and we'll make sure we're ready to face them. No matter what."

"No matter what," he agreed, hauling himself up with some effort.

Then - The Astronomy Tower, New Year's Eve 1976/New Year's Day 1977

Narcissa lay on the floor of the Astronomy Tower by a telescope, a thick blanket under her, and one covering her. It was icy cold but she felt toasty and comfortable, staring up at the clear night sky through the large gap in the roof for the telescopes. She had done this the previous year, by herself, and it was a good memory for her to hold on to. So she decided to repeat it with it being her last chance to do so.

Or that was the plan until she heard two male voices talking loudly as they climbed the steps to the tower.

She didn't have time to get up or put her blankets away when James and Sirius burst through the door with arms full of food and bottles of beer, laughing about some inside joke she wasn't privy to. With a quiet sigh, Narcissa got up, gathering her blankets as she did.

"Oh, sorry. We thought it would be empty," James apologised immediately when he spotted her.

"It's fine." She folded the blankets under her arm, checking the ground for anything she might have dropped, not that she brought anything other than the blankets. She didn't want to look at James. "I was getting cold anyway."

She looked up when a lot of hissing started coming from them to find them having a whispered argument, or rather an argument with noises because she couldn't understand a word being said, and lots of head gesturing to her. It ended with Sirius rolled his eyes and snapped, "Fine."

"We've got plenty of food if you want to stay?" James offered.

Narcissa looked to Sirius. His face said please don't stay but his mouth said, "A lot of Gryffindors stayed this Christmas. It was a bit crowded."

"I'm aware." She gave him a hint of a grin. "It's okay. I'm not in the mood for being around anyone tonight anyway." This time there were no whispered arguments as she left the tower, wishing them a Happy New Year as she went.

She'd got about halfway down the staircase when James called down to her to wait, his voice echoing against the stone walls followed by his footsteps. She watched him appear before, staying one step above her, which made him a whole head taller.

"No one should spend New Year without being kissed by anyone," he said with a cocky grin.

Narcissa frowned and laughed at the same time, despite feeling a little annoyed at his confident manner he'd come chasing after her. Like she was going to give him a kiss.

"Then you best get back to my cousin before he finds someone else up there," Narcissa teased, already turning away.

James, being extraordinarily light on his feet, skipped around her to block her way. Now he was a step below her which put them eye level to each other. She sighed and he grinned. She took a step to the side only to be met by James getting in her way, stealing a chaste kiss from her. It was over in the blink of an eye but the tingling in her lips didn't leave as fast. She blinked in confusion, wanting to put her fingers to her lips, to rub away the feeling, but that would've given away what he'd done to her.

"Happy New Year." He squeezed her hand briefly before racing back up the steps, two at a time.

Now

The Ministry employees came as Narcissa and Lucius finished their second coffee. They quietly sat in their living room, watching Draco play with his toys on the rug in front of them, an Auror watching them closely in turn. Lucius complied in whatever he could, even going as far as telling them where some of the family heirlooms were that might be considered Dark, but hadn't been used in over a century.

And then the questions came.

They stuck with the agreed story they'd planned long before this moment; Lucius was under the Imperius Curse and Narcissa never asked questions about what her husband did or where he went, like the good wife her mother had taught her to be. They'd rehearsed their parts well, long before a baby called Harry Potter had killed his Dark Lord, ready for any eventuality, whether he won or lost whatever war he'd created with his ideals.

The questions were asked repeatedly in various ways, waiting for the Malfoys to slip on a detail. They never would. They'd prepared for it. They even prepared for the next step; Lucius was taken in to the Ministry for more questioning.

That was as far as their preparing had gone because they would either believe Lucius and let him go or he would go to Azkaban.

The Manor had never felt as large as it did in the moment they all left by the Floo fireplace in the dining room. Narcissa watched them go, one by one, Lucius included, and after the final whoosh took the last of the Ministry workers away, the silence encroached on her. It wrapped around her like a stifling blanket, getting tighter by the second. Not even Draco made a sound as he'd been put down for his nap.

She stood in the entrance hall, slowly turning in a circle, her shoes sounded loud against the wooden floor. What if Lucius didn't come back? What if in less than one week she'd lost them both? The silence started to suffocate her. She couldn't get a full breath in her lungs. Panicking, she clutched at the collar of her blouse, pulling it away from her body, her breathing ragged and heavy.

"D-Dobby," she rasped, collapsing to her knees. The house-elf appeared with a crack, fussing over her immediately. "An-Andromeda!"

He was a foolish, accident-prone elf, but he was good at understanding what someone needed. Less than five minutes later he was back with her sister.

Narcissa might not have seen her sister in over five years, but that didn't stop Andromeda from being there. With firm hands, Andromeda helped her back to her feet, guiding her to the living room. She whispered instructions into her Narcissa's ear, telling her to breath in deeply, to focus on that and nothing else.

It took ten minutes to get Narcissa's breathing back to normal. Then the tears came. Again, Andromeda didn't need asking or telling what to do, she pulled her sister into her arms and held her tightly, both sinking back into the couch. Andromeda leant her cheek on the top of Narcissa's head, one hand rubbing the arm Narcissa had wrapped around Andromeda's waist, the other gently playing with the ends of her hair. She used to do this for Narcissa after a nightmare when she was little.

"I've missed you so much," Narcissa said with a sniff, her throat sore.

"Does he treat you well?" Andromeda asked. She could hear in her tone that Andromeda didn't want to discuss what had happened and why Narcissa didn't fight in her corner.

"Better than I could've wished for," Narcissa answered honestly. "How's Ted?" She heard Andromeda's sigh through her chest. Reluctantly she sat up to look at her sister. "What about Nymphadora?"

"Do you really care, Cissy? Or are you trying to the right thing, like always?"

Narcissa reached over, twirling one of her thick, dark curls around her forefinger. "Please tell me." Andromeda stared at her impassively. "Please, I need something nice to hear that stops me feeling like I'm falling apart. Just for a minute."

She pulled at Narcissa's hand, bringing it down to her lap and held on to it. "What's happened? Where's Lucius?"

"He's at the Ministry. Answering questions," Narcissa said against a lump in her throat.

"Not a surprise," she replied, disapprovingly.

"Don't be like that. It's not what you think," Narcissa pleaded.

Andromeda's lips went thin, pinching them between her teeth. She was annoyed with Narcissa. She always felt Narcissa was flighty and didn't know how to fight for anything, the she let everything happen to her.

"We all made our choices to survive," Narcissa snapped. She pulled her hand away, the force it yanked at Andromeda's shoulder.

"No. I made my choice to the right thing." Andromeda got up. "Not that I see you're okay…" She didn't finish the sentence, instead she stormed out of the room. Narcissa didn't bother getting up. She was never any good at chasing anyone.

Not even someone she loved.

"Cissy!" Andromeda's voice called from the entrance hall. "Cissy, come here now!"

Then - Hogwarts Library, Valentine's Day 1977

Three piles of books sat in front of Narcissa on the table. She'd piled them to hide herself away while she studied, to stop her friends trying to pull her away for some silly thing or other, like Catherine's latest lipstick. She might not need her N.E.W.T.s but that didn't meant she didn't want them.

"Happy Valentine's day!" James voice whispered. "I've finally found you."

Narcissa lifted her eyes to see him peeking over the piles, sat on the opposite side of the table. It was bound to happen. She'd done well to hide from him for the last six weeks. It helped that she'd made sure she was never alone, he never approached her if she had her friends with her.

"You were looking for me?" she asked, realising how much she'd missed his happy face. There was always a smile close by that made his eyes light up with his laughter.

"I'd be a poor friend if I did see how you were doing from time to time."

"We're not friends," she said firmly. She stomped down the butterflies in her stomach and returned her gaze to the notes she'd been making.

"Well, that's a load of malarkey!" James said teasingly. And loudly. It got him a warning shush from the librarian.

Narcissa sniggered, pretending to read over the textbook laid open by her parchment. She'd been reading it perfectly fine before James had arrived, now her brain wanted to relive the peck of a kiss he'd given her. The ghost of a tingle rang along her lips at the memory.

"Wingardium leviosa," James whispered.

The books began to move, the three piles lifting up and following James' wand. He winked at her as he gently placed them on the floor by the table.

"James," she groaned, "I've got homework coming out of my ears. Put them back. Please."

"I'll be quiet. I've got homework too," he said, putting his wand on the table, hauling up his bag onto the table. "Now I can do it with a beautiful view."

Narcissa wanted smile politely, maybe even allow the blush that was threatening to heat up her cheeks, and thank him. Like the good girl she'd been raised to be. But what came out was Narcissa putting two fingers in her mouth and pretending to vomit on the floor. James let out a bellow of a laugh before quickly clamping her mouth shut, both hands slapped over his lips as he continued to snort.

Narcissa couldn't help the silent giggles taking over. The action was meant to stamp down the fizz of feelings that grew every time James said something nice to her, to keep him at arms length. Instead, the feelings grew and she had the urge to make him laugh again. That wouldn't be enough, though. She'd want to make him laugh every day for the rest of their lives.

The thought sobered her up, the giggles dying away. She pointed to the parchments still rolled up in front of him that he'd taken out of his bag. "If you've got homework, your eyes should remain on that, not me."

"I will, but not until I've asked my question," he said, playing with the parchment now.

"Which is?"

"Will you have a tea – or coffee – with me at Madam Puddifoot's next week? As friends, of course," he added the latter when he saw her opening her mouth, already shaking her head.

"James, I'm not going to Hogsmeade. The exams are literally around the corner."

"All the more reason to go. We all need a break so we can get back to revision fully refreshed. Right?"

Narcissa should've said no. She should've stood her ground. She should've reminded herself she was marrying Lucius at the end of the year.

"One coffee," she said.

Now

Narcissa raced out to her sister, panicking at the volume of her voice; so urgent. Andromeda never shouted. She had the patience of a saint. She was stood at the entrance, the front door flung open, staring at something outside. Narcissa reached her, already trying to look around the other door that was still closed.

There was a figure walking up the path, another figure in their arms, helping them to walk, dragging them a little.

That wasn't possible.

"Is that…" Andromeda didn't finish the question.

She raced out to the people approaching. Narcissa was rooted to the spot, her heart racing so fast she could feel her pulse in her throat. Heat flushed through her body and a buzzing started up in her ears. She watched Andromeda help the collapsed figure, pulling their arm over her own shoulders, pulling their head up so the long red hair fell away from her face.

She continued to watch as her sister help James Potter bring his wife up the path to Malfoy Manor.

Then - Madam Puddifoot's 1977

The little teashop was very different to when they were there at Christmas, with it's red hearts all over the place like a Valentine's Day hangover. Narcissa sat opposite James at a table for two by the front window. She itched to move, feeling exposed to the world, worried about how it would look if someone spotted them there like that. Not that she had anything to hid. But if she told James she wanted to move, he might be offended, think she was ashamed of him.

"How are things with Lily?" Narcissa asked, moving the condiments around on the table. She couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye. He'd worn an aftershave today, not too dissimilar to one Lucius had worn when she saw him last and it playing havoc with the guilt she was feeling. If she kept the conversation on the reason they'd ended up talking the first place, it was safe.

"Can I be honest with you?"

Narcissa lifted her head at his words and tone. She immediately regretted coming for the drink now.

"James, no." She shook her head, her hair coming free from the loose plait she'd put it in.

"I've not said anything," he said with a confused laugh.

"Let's keep it that way," she replied firmly.

"Let me talk first. You don't have to say anything." That was the most serious she'd ever heard him. Even his eyes had lost their light. "Please?"

Narcissa glanced out the window. The majority of the glass was decorated in the Valentine's decorations, Madam Puddifoot's way of giving the students chance to celebrate the day away from school. There was still a little gap where people could see them, if they really looked. No one was walking past. She looked around the teashop; it was only half-full with a few students she didn't recognise.

"Okay," she finally said.

"I think you know what I was going to say, so I won't make you anymore uncomfortable than you already are, but I do want to tell you that it happened because you saw past my arrogance. You saw that I could be something else I wasn't sure I knew how to be." He slowly reached across the table, his fingertips rested on the back of her hand. She didn't pull away. "I know we haven't spoken much, but it was enough for me to realise what was happening."

"There's a lot of reasons why I can't let you say anymore, James," she whispered. It felt like she was stabbing herself in the chest with her own words. What if this boy – no, young man – was her chance at a free, happy life? What if he could give her the things she never allowed herself to dream about? "You're Sirius' best friend for a start."

"Sirius knows. I spoke to him about it. I was confused and – what?"

Narcissa had groaned, putting her head into her hands. "Why would you tell him? That boy doesn't know how to keep a secret when he's goaded."

"Clearly you don't know Sirius as well as you think you do," James said with a smirk.

This had gone too far. Narcissa stood, feeling like her limbs were shaking and her brain was racing a million miles per hour.

"Don't go," James pleaded, reaching to her.

She shifted to avoid his hand, taking large strides to get out of the teashop; it suddenly felt like it was stifling her. The chilly February air blissfully cooled her down. She'd barely gotten two steps away from the teashop when the bell inside rang again.

"Narcissa," James called.

Her eyes immediately searched the few people nearby. She felt like she was doing the worst deeds possible all of a sudden, but as far as these people were concerned, it was all innocent. It wasn't, though.

His warm hand, rough on the palms from his Quidditch playing, grabbed at her delicate one, his fingers gripped firmly. Narcissa tried to vocally resist as he pulled her to a quiet alley behind Madam Puddifoot's. She didn't have time to work out where he was taking her or what was happening when he pushed her against the wall, hiding her from view as he dipped his head to kiss her.

It was gentle to start with, like asking a question or permission, a soft pressing of lips. It sent a shiver of excited anticipation through Narcissa's nerves, her skin felt sensitive to all the things touching her, like James' hand resting on her hip and his body leaning into hers. She answered his question and gave him permission by wrapping her arms around his neck, pushing firmly into the kiss.

Narcissa had kissed people before, Lucius included when they parted last summer, but none had come to close to making her feel so alive and vibrant as she did in that moment. James leant fully into her body, his wide build covering her, pushing her into the wall, using his hands to keep himself balanced by placing them on the wall on either side of her.

He licked the bottom of her lip and she gasped, it was all he needed to deepen the kiss. For someone who appeared to have only been interested in one girl, until recently, James Potter was not inexperienced in kissing. He was in control, dominating her, but never over-powering her.

A noise of a door slamming nearby brought Narcissa back to her senses, like ice-water running through her brain. She shoved James' shoulders firmly, keeping hold of them with her elbows locked in place so he couldn't move forward again. The only sounds coming from them were deep, shaky breaths. His lips looked as swollen as hers felt and his hair was messier than before; her hands had clearly run through it without her realising.

"That cannot happen again," she told him. He started to smirk. She shook him, his head nodding with the movement. "It can't! You don't know what trouble I'll be in if anyone finds out."

"Narcissa." The way he said her name, so softly, her elbows relaxed of their own volition and that was all he needed. He moved his hands around her waist, pulling her into him, his eyes never leaving hers until his hands moved to her upper back, bringing her into a strong hug.

Narcissa sighed as he rested her chin on his shoulder. She found herself clinging on to him, her arms wrapped tightly around his neck. "Why did you have to complicate my life?" she whispered.

"It doesn't have to be," James whispered back. His lips brushed against her neck before he pulled back. "I won't tell if you won't."

"How did this even happen? I was trying to help you with Lily," she said, stepping out of his arms. She couldn't think clearly with him that close to her. She wanted to fall into another kiss and not have it end. But it wasn't safe – James wasn't safe.

She met his gaze, his hazel eyes, the light brown around the pupil blended seamlessly into the dark green edges, and she could see no future there. But she could see affection, kindness… the potential for real love.

"By the time we board the train to go home at the end of the year, this ends – I won't argue about it, James. I have… The summer. It ends." He tried to argue, confused by a deadline she was setting. "I shouldn't be even giving you that, but…"

But what? What did she want?

"I have to marry Lucius Malfoy at the end of the year. If that's not something you can deal with, then this doesn't go any further than this dirty alleyway." She folded her arms painfully tight. "I'm not Andromeda. I'm not that brave."

"So by the time the school year ends, you'll switch your feelings off? Snuff them out like a candle?" James asked, a hardness to his voice.

"You don't get to be angry with me. I'm being honest with you. It was you who followed me and pulled me into the alley. It's this or nothing."

Now

"James?" It came out as a whisper. She hadn't moved from the entrance to her home. She couldn't move. It wasn't real.

"Narcissa! Help me!" Andromeda called. James was struggling to stay upright, barely helping Andromeda to carry Lily.

James lifted his head, even from where she was, she could see a glimmer of happiness at seeing her. He had a black eye, the eyelid swollen shut, a cut top lip and dried blood around his hairline. Narcissa called for Dobby before racing out to help. Dobby was already ahead of her before she reached them, clicking his fingers to levitate Lily. The lack of weight on James made him collapse to his knees.

Narcissa moved with Andromeda to help him up. He was a deadweight on their shoulders, exhaustion setting in. They made it to the door when Dobby came back, taking James off them without instruction. He knew what needed to be done. He always did.

Narcissa and Andromeda stood by the door, neither one saying anything as they watched James levitated up the stairs by Dobby. Narcissa looked down at her shaking hands, flakes of blood on them from James' clothes.

"How – why—" Andromeda couldn't finish a question.

Narcissa wouldn't have the answer anyway.

"They're alive?"

Then - The Forbidden Forest, March 1977

"Happy birthday," Narcissa said cheerfully, holding a small cake in her hands with a single lit candle on it.

James opened his eyes, having closed them while she brought the cake out from behind a tree. His face lit up at the sight of it. "And here I was thinking we were meeting for a quick smooch!"

Narcissa gave him an indulgent smile. "Make a wish."

After the weekend in Hogsmeade, an agreement came into place that they would have their fun, as long as it remained as fun. It was to never go any further, James had given his word that he would not push her on the matter. So once a week, they would sneak off into he Forbidden Forest for an hour, with Sirius' help. It was their only guaranteed time together where people wouldn't miss them or ask questions about them being seen together. Anything else was a bonus.

James blew out the candle before taking the cake off her, holding it out to the side with one hand and using the other to pull her in for a kiss. "I baked that cake," she said, laughing into his lips.

"You mean you had the house-elves make it and you supervised," James teased, letting her go so that he could put the cake down by a tree.

"I can neither confirm nor deny that information," Narcissa said, relishing the feeling of him wrapping his arms around her waist. "I have a present too."

"I am being spoilt," he said, leaning in to kiss her neck.

She lost focus, letting her head drop back for a moment as she enjoyed the feel of his warm lips hitting a sensitive spot below her ear. For someone who had just turned seventeen, she felt like she was being seduced by someone with decades of experience. "This is not your present," she whispered, laughing as she pushed herself out of his arms.

"It's all I need," James said with a growl, his hands finding empty air as she skipped out of his reach.

She laughed as she went to her bag hung on a nearby branch and pulled out a neatly wrapped box. James frowned, slowly taking the box from her. "You really didn't have to."

"I wanted to," she said quietly.

His nimble fingers made speedy work of untying the bow and removing the brown paper wrapping to reveal a black box that sat neatly in his palm, the paper now discarded on the forest floor. James looked at her before opening it to see a watch with a white face, gold rim and hands, with a maroon leather strap.

"Something innocuous that anyone could've gotten you," Narcissa explained. She took the box off him when he lifted the watch out, turning it over in his hands. She held her breath as he read the inscription: Be the best version of you.

"I love it," James told her, the honesty plain in his voice. He put it on with ease. "I've never really worn a watch before, but I'll never take this off."

"You don't have to make that promise." Narcissa took his hand, look at the watch as she ran a thumb over the smooth pane of glass covering the face. "I just want the best for you."

James pulled her in for a tight hug. "You are my best," he whispered into her ear.

Now

Narcissa stood in the doorway of the bedroom Dobby had put the Potters in. They were in single beds but Narcissa thought it best they were in the same room for when they woke up.

Even though he was married to the woman he'd loved all his school life, perfectly happy in his marriage, and even though Narcissa was more than happy with her lot in life, even if Lucius and herself didn't love each other the way a married couple would, she was still soaring with a deep joy that he was alive.

James Potter was alive. He was still in this world.

She didn't care for the why, or that she would have to let him go again once he was well enough, she just cared that he was still here, to be seen whenever she liked.

"Harry," Lily muttered as Andromeda dabbed Dittany on the grazes along her arms.

"Do you think Dumbledore knows?" Narcissa asked. "He took the boy to her family, should we collect him?"

"One thing at a time, Cissy," Andromeda whispered, moving onto a burn on Lily's jawline.

"Please, not Harry," Lily murmured.

Andromeda watched her. Waiting. Lily remained quiet. She moved onto James who didn't seem to have as many injuries. "I think you should get Dumbledore," she instructed after a moment.

"No," James groaned. "Don't let anyone know we're alive yet." He opened his eyes and they were on Narcissa.

She moved to him, itching to touch him, but Andromeda was still tending to him. "What happened? Does this mean he's still alive too?"

James shook his head and closed his eyes at the movement. "Well, he's gone, but I'm not sure he's dead. We need a bit longer to convince his followers that he's dead and he took us with him."

"How are you alive?" Andromeda asked, gently going through his hair to find the cut the blood had come from.

"I don't know. It happened so fast. It was like his spell bounced off us or something, and the next thing I know, we're waking up in some forest, no wands and no one for miles." He pulled at Andromeda's wrist when she hit a sensitive spot. "I'm fine," he assured her. "Focus on Lily. I've not been able to wake her properly."

When he dropped his arm, Andromeda doing as he asked, Narcissa picked up his wrist as it hit the bed. He was still wearing the watch she'd given him, but there was a crack in the glass and the face was burnt away, exposing the cogs underneath.

"You never took it off," she whispered without thinking.

"I said I wouldn't."

"I'll get it repaired." She took it off. She wanted something to make herself feel like she was being of use.

James grabbed at her hand, his grip weak but warm. "All I could think was to get to you. Here. I don't even know how I found this place."

Narcissa smiled, her heart felt the lightest it had felt in years. "Who should I get, James? You've got friends mourning you – there must be someone we can tell?"

"You need to get Sirius before he does something stupid. Peter betrayed us and the world is going to think it was Sirius. You have to help him," James said urgently. He started to get up but he collapsed back immediately, gripping the side of his head. "I don't know where either of them will be, but you need to find him."

Narcissa nodded. Now she definitely had something she could be helpful with.

Then - The Forbidden Forest, May 1977

Narcissa and James were lay a blanket on the forest floor. It was a gloriously warm spring day, but the shelter of the trees kept them cool, with thin rays coming through here and there. She had her head rested on his stomach, watching leaves fall from the trees and dust motes in the light while James tested her on Charms. It was quite possibly the best moment of Narcissa's life and she never wanted it to end.

"I wish we could stay like this forever," Narcissa murmured, not realising she'd said the words out loud until James took a hold of her hand and kissed the back of it.

"Me too," he said. "Maybe we should."

"You wouldn't last a day without your little cohorts," Narcissa teased, laughing at the idea of him spending more than a day away from them. "You four are the weirdest group I've ever seen. Can't do anything without the others."

"I don't see them here now," James pointed. He shifted so that he was on his side, her head now resting on his hip, and had propped his head up with his hand. "I'd be especially concerned if Sirius was here."

"It's a Black speciality to marry your cousin," she said wryly, wrinkling her nose. She'd have run away before letting her parents marry her off to a cousin, like Sirius' parents.

James laughed, agreeing. They were quiet for a moment, listening to the noises of the forest, the entrance not too far away with students nearby, enjoying their Saturday afternoon.

"Do you ever wonder what could have been?" he asked. He rested a hand on her head, his thumb softly tracing her hairline back and forth. "What would you have done if you weren't a Black?"

"I want to be an Unspeakable. I want to keep learning and discovering," she answered without hesitation. She'd thought for many years as she grew up what she would do if she had the freedom.

"Does Lucius not want that for you?" James asked. She could hear him treading lightly, curious but not wanting to push the boundaries she'd clearly set out when they started this.

"Lucius is a good man, but his father… it's complicated."

James didn't say anything. He continued to trail his thumb over her forehead, the sensation sent tingles over her face and made her feel more relaxed than she already was.

"Will you promise me that if he doesn't make you happy, you'll leave?"

Narcissa sat up, turning to look at him. "What are you asking, James?" Her voice echoed through the trees.

James sat up too, his hands up defensively. "I'm not asking you that. I promise." He dropped his hands, giving her a small smile. "I just want to know that you know you have options – and if he doesn't treat you well, then you come to me, Narcissa. You leave him. Life is too short to always do the right thing."

Narcissa sighed. It was getting harder and harder to know she had to keep her own promise to herself. She should've listened to her gut before agreeing to have these few months with James. She'd fallen in love with him and her heart was not available to give to him.

"I'll promise if you promise me something," she finally said.

"Anything."

"When we leave the Hogwarts train at the end of the year, you forget about me and remember Lily. Try again with her. No, James." He'd tried to disagree. "Your future is with her. It always has been. What we have is not important."

"It is to me," James snapped.

"Not in the grand scheme of things, it isn't," she said forcefully. He stared at her, unsmiling, no words forthcoming. "I'll promise if you promise."

"I can't make that promise, Narcissa. I love you, not Lily."

Narcissa thought the forest floor had opened up at those words and swallowed her whole. She was free falling with no safety net to catch her. What had she done? It was one thing to love James, but she could control that – hide it. She'd been trained well to hide all her emotions when necessary. Him loving her? That was unexpected and something she couldn't control.

"No. You don't," she said firmly.

"Don't tell me what I do and don't feel."

Narcissa got up and started collecting her things, jamming them in her bag haphazardly, ignoring James' hard stare. She was just starting to walk away when she heard his heavy footsteps come after. She turned to meet, dropping her bag to the floor, the contents falling out. She accepted his hot and forceful kiss with the same level of passion. He kept pushing her backwards until he'd pinned her to a tree.

Narcissa did something she should never have done. She gave James her heart and soulin that moment.

Now

Blood magic was Dark. Blood magic was not to be used lightly. But blood magic would find her cousin. Andromeda helped, without question. They found Sirius in a small town barely forty miles away from the Manor. Without regard to the Muggles surrounding him, Narcissa Apparated to him and took him away before he could corner Peter Pettigrew.

He fought her when they landed in the entrance hall of the Manor, cursing and shouting, telling her to get out of his way. He stopped when he saw Andromeda stood on the stairs.

"You need to see something," she told him firmly, going back up the stairs without waiting for him.

Sirius looked to Narcissa. She nodded.

As Sirius discovered that his best friend and family was still alive, Lucius came home from the Ministry.

Then - Hogwarts Great Hall, June 1977

"Quills down," Professor Flitwick called to the students.

Narcissa had finished her exam with a minute to spare but was frantically checking over her answers, seeing if she'd missed anything. The sheet of parchment started to lift away. There was no longer anything she could do as she watched her final exam disappear into a pile forming in front of Professort Flitwick.

"You are dismissed. Go enjoy the rest of the lovely weather," he said cheerfully.

There was a mixture of excitement and exhaustion radiating off the students. Narcissa felt wrung out, like all her knowledge had been poured out and was no longer available to her. Even walking out of the hall felt like her body had forgotten how to put one foot in front of the other.

"Narcissa!" James' voice hissed from somewhere to her left as she walked into the Entrance Hall. She looked to find his head peering around the corner of the corridor leading to the kitchens. "Come on. I've got something to show you."

She laughed under her breath, glancing around at the student walking past her. No one paid her any attention, too focused on getting outside to lounge around on the grass and enjoy the day.

With a little skip in her step now, Narcissa ran over to him. He grabbed her hand and lead her straight to the kitchens. When he pushed the portrait open it revealed a busy kitchen as the elves prepared for dinner and Remus stood at a table with a messy cake. It read congratulations in thin green icing across the top.

"A little celebration that your N.E.W.T.s are over with!" he announced, pulling her to the table.

"How do you think you did?" Remus asked, his voice calm and soothing.

"I honestly don't know," she said, letting go of a heavy breath. She took the stool Remus offered, smiling at the wonky chocolate cake. "Thank you for this. It's really sweet."

"Remus helped. I'd have burnt the thing and the elves are not happy with me at the minute. I've stolen one too many pastries recently," he explained when she frowned at him.

"Recently?" Remus asked with a laugh.

"Fine. They should bring my bed down here and call it my bedroom I'm here that often," James admitted sheepishly.

"Where are the other two cohorts?" Narcissa scooped up a small amount of the chocolate icing with her fingertip.

"Herbology lesson," Remus answered. "How is it?"

"Chocolatey," she said with a smile. James had commented frequently about Remus' love of a chocolate. Even going as far as having bars of it in his bag for his friend. "It's delicious."

He smiled, his cheeks going pink from the compliment. "It goes well with pumpkin juice."

"I'll get it," James offered, racing off before Narcissa could stop him.

She smiled at Remus, not sure what else to do. She didn't spend much time with Sirius, let alone Remus or Peter. He watched James go to the other end of the vast kitchens before turning to Narcissa. "He wants me to become friends with you," he whispered quickly. "It's his way of staying in contact without staying in contact."

Narcissa bit back a sigh.

"I wanted to be honest with you rather than pull the wool over your eyes. You should have the option. Especially with what I am and…" His pink cheeks became red and he didn't finish the sentence.

Narcissa patted the hand he had resting on the counter. "You're fine, Remus. Thank you for telling me." She glanced over her shoulder, realising James was taking longer than was necessary to get a pitch of pumpkin juice. "If I'm honest, it would be nice to have a friend I can talk to and I feel like we could do that for one another. Someone who isn't involved inherently in the other's life."

Remus slipped his hand from hers, reaching into the inside pocket of the well-worn light brown jacket he had on. He handed her a folded piece of parchment. "My address. I'll only ever tell him what you want him to know."

"I won't ask you to do that to your friend, but thank you." She tucked the parchment away into her shirt pocket.

"We can only do the best we can," Remus said quietly, reaching for the knife to cut the cake.

"Will you see him over the summer?" she asked. She was already beginning to miss him and they still had a week left.

"For the last half." He placed a slice of cake on a small plate and pushed it to her. "Sirius will be with him. He won't have time to think about anything else if Sirius has anything to do with it."

Narcissa gave him a warm smile. She knew in that moment she really liked Remus as a person without even knowing who he truly was. He was sweet, gentle and answered questions that weren't completely asked.

Remus looked over at James, who was now kneeling on the floor, appearing to beg one at one of the house-elves, and returned his gaze back to Narcissa, sympathy in his eyes. "Whatever you did for him these last few months, it's been a godsend. We've all been idiots over the years, but James was starting to get reckless, too much of Sirius' influence."

"Sirius is… well, he just is."

Remus laughed, raising his eyebrows. "He certainly is."

"Could you make sure he tries again with Lily? Give him a little nudge back to her?"

"Only if Lily wants that. She's still wary of him, and smarting from Severus' words," Remus said, returning to cutting another two slices of cake. "But I'll try."

"That's all we can do in the end," she said, ignoring the deep ache in her chest that was growing in size with each passing day.

Now

"It's time to pick which side we're really on, Lucius," Narcissa said after she'd told him about the Potters arrival and what little information she knew. "No more sitting on the fence to keep only ourselves safe. He went after their son. It could've easily been our boy."

"I know." He sighed, sipping his brandy. "Rosier died going in, Karkaroff is naming names to save his own skin, Snape's been saved by Dumbledore, and Dolohov hasn't said anything about my name yet. I think we've all kept secrets from each other as well as the world."

"Do they all think the Potters are dead?"

"They're convinced of it."

Narcissa finished her brandy before topping it up and joining him on the couch. She sat close to him, her body leaning completely into his side. It made her feel safe when she sat like that with him. "Fate has a way of putting in front of us, that which we must try to leave behind."

Lucius leant away a little to look at her with a bemused smile. "Is that a quote or something you're thinking?"

"Still surprising you with my ability to think?" she teased. She felt like she could do that again knowing James was upstairs, breathing and safe.

Lucius put an arm around her shoulders, pulling her in tightly and kissing her temple. "You'll always surprise me, I'm sure of it."

"Can one of you help me get Harry back?" Sirius asked from the doorway of the living room, sounding frustrated and looking awkward. He also looked like he hadn't showered or shaved in days. "James still won't let me tell Dumbledore just yet and Lily's not awake…"

"I'll go," Lucius offered. "I know where they live."

Narcissa closed her eyes. She wasn't sure she wanted to know how or why he knew, but if it got Harry back to his parents, then it was worth.

"I don't want to know, let's just go," Sirius said in a tone that suggested he was thinking the same as Narcissa. "James is asking for you, by the way."

Narcissa waited until they'd gone before going to see James. Lily was still unconscious, having not even rolled over or changed position. James was sat up with a mug of tea in his hand while Andromeda healed the cut on his head.

"Thank you. For getting Sirius." She shrugged, watching Lily's chest rise and fall. "I was wondering if I could meet Draco? He's a month older than Harry, isn't he?"

"I think so," Narcissa said absently. She hadn't been expecting his request.

"I'll get Draco. You two catch up properly," Andromeda offered, appearing satisfied with the healed cut. She pocketed her wand, giving Lily a quick check before leaving the room.

"We've grown up so much since we last saw each other. Been through so much," she said, not sure what else to say to him that moment. James patted the bed and she took a seat. "Did you tell Lily?"

"Everything. We never kept anything from each other. Does Lucius know?"

"Everything," she answered with a small smile. The emotions overwhelmed her faster than she thought possible, her eyes blurred and the tears fell. "I thought I would break."

"Shhh, we're fine. I'm fine. We made it out," James said soothingly, gripping her hand tightly.

She wiped away the tears with the back of her fear hand, dabbing be damned. Her mother was gone, but her voice reminding her of ridiculous things hadn't quite left. "I was okay knowing you were in the world. That I could still see you if I chose to do so."

"I know," he said quietly. "Being an adult's a bit shit, really?"

Narcissa laughed, snorted really, at his silly words. But he wasn't wrong either. He lifted her hand to his lips, kissing the inside of her wrist.

"I love her so much it's painful. She is my world. But I never stopped loving you. I'm not sure I ever will." James kissed her palm and it made her feel weak. "We can't hurt them though. We made our choices."

Narcissa nodded. They had.

Then - Hogwarts Express, June 1977

They were half an hour away from King's Cross Station. Thirty minutes left to enjoy her time with James Potter. Funny how time could feel like an eternity and other times it felt like every minute was barely a second long. Narcissa would give anything for a Time-turner.

James kept staring at her, like he was tracing every inch of her into his memories. Sometimes he would run hand over her face, his fingertips running along her skin. It was such a nothing action but it overwhelmed her nerves and emotions. If he said anything she was sure she would cry.

Remus, Sirius, and Peter had disappeared, giving them this time, with Remus promising to keep an eye out for Narcissa's friends if they started looking for her. This was all they could give each other before they parted for good.

"I don't want to hurt this much," she whispered.

"Then don't." James smiled. It didn't reach his hands. "Just remember the promises we made to each other. There are always options."

She nodded, leaning her forehead against his. "Things are changing."

"They always do," James replied. He rested his hand on the back of her neck, his fingers rubbing gently on her skin. "We have to keep moving with it."

"You'll stay safe, won't you?" Narcissa urged, holding onto the edges of his jacket.

"As safe as I know how to be," he promised her. It wasn't quite what she wanted, but it was the best she would get out of him.

The train started to slow; they were coming into the station.

Narcissa kissed him. A chaste one. If she lingered, she might not get off the train.

She finally said the three words she'd refused to tell him over the last few months. "I love you."

She pulled away, practically running out of the carriage before he could react. It was selfish of her to tell him and go, but he had to know.

Now - Malfoy Manor, December 1981

The Potters were alive and the world knew about it. Peter had been sent to prison and Lucius had had all potential charges against him dropped.

The Malfoys had made their choice of what side of the fence they would be one. Neither Narcissa nor Lucius has ever wanted the life their parents had dealt them. They'd never wanted anything more than to be happy and have their loved ones happy, and sometimes the lines blurred when their loved ones' choices weren't good ones.

Voldemort's body was never found. They – the magical community – were sure he would be back. It hung over them every minute of the day. Instead of letting it be a burden, they all began to breathe freely and live their lives, to spite him. They would be stronger for it if he came back.

No one could work out how the Potters survived. Dumbledore, as he always did, had his suspicions, but wouldn't tell anyone. It might come in useful one day, was all he would say.

Out of it all, a friendship formed between the Potters and the Malfoys. Tentative at first, even between Narcissa and James, unsure that they could trust themselves to be alone, but it worked. Somehow it worked. And Narcissa had Andromeda back in her life, with Nymphadora racing around whenever the Tonkses came to the Manor, always a blur of a bright blue hair.

The most surprising of all was the friendship that happened between Lucius and Ted. They formed a bond over alchemy and potions, and it was beautiful to watch Lucius have someone to share his passions with. He looked so vibrant and exhilarated by life from that one friendship.

The new life they were all leading wasn't without faults or arguments. Old suspicions would come up if drinks were had, cross words would be exchanged, and then, with a bit of honesty and agreements, it would settle once more. Like an odd family.

With Christmas close by, the Malfoys had thrown a small party for them all. A little affair to celebrate the end of a tough few years and to new beginnings. It was also to remember the ones they'd lost, school friends and family members. It was bittersweet until both Narcissa and Lily had refused a glass of wine off Dobby.

They looked at one another, wicked grins on their lips. "Are you?" Lily asked first.

"I might be, are you?"

"I know I am," Andromeda added, walking past with a wicked smile of her own.

James, having overheard this little conversation, counted three pregnant women. He looked at Sirius and Remus, currently sharing a kiss while they thought no one was looking. "You have to have a child."

"With me as a father? I think not!" Sirius said with a dismissive laugh.

"They're all pregnant. You have to. McGonagall will kill us all when we ship off another set of Marauders."

Sirius' eyes lit up and he turned to Remus. "We are not having a baby so that you can wind that poor woman up. Besides, who will give a werewolf a baby?"

"Leave it with me," James said, raising his glass to his friends. "Leave it with me."