Harry rubbed his temples as he breathed deeply and prepared for another training session. He was getting good but it still cost him a good deal of energy. His determination to succeed had grown since finding out that Hermione was, in fact, bound to Atticus. The last few days had been trying, both at work and at home. Hermione had woken up after a full 24 hours. When she did awake she was withdrawn and as of yet had avoided the subject of the bond every time Harry had tried to bring it up. There was a cloud of sadness that seemed to hang over her and was reflected in her tired gaze. She seemed to be attempting to avoid him as well. This made Harry all the more worried about her. It hurt too. He didn't understand why she was doing it but he was determined to find out. The bright side was that Hermione had gone three full days without any attacks. Harry noticed though that she tired easily and avoided bright spaces. He had to fix this. He would start by making her talk to him. He had let her process and avoid it long enough. They needed to communicate. Plus, he missed her. Harry was unaware that at that moment Hermione too was nursing a headache.

Hermione sighed as she pressed her hands against her eyes. The pain which had started as a dull ache had quickly become a pounding that made her want to cry. It was as if her heart were in her head, pumping along loudly. She had been reading in an attempt to free her mind from its depressing thoughts when she had felt the headache begin. In her attempt to rise and draw the drapes in the library she became dizzy and nauseous. Breathing deeply she crumpled to the ground trying to swallow down the urge to vomit. She laid her head down on the cool wooden floor and pressed her hands against her tired eyes trying to find some form of relief. She was mildly aware that she was shivering slightly and attributed it to the cool floor below her. It was the beginning of December which meant the floors were often cooler than normal. Thus, she had on her fuzzy socks. She relaxed into the floor and put her arm over her eyes. As she lay there, trying to move as little as possible to avoid another wave of nausea, her thoughts once again returned to the grim reality of the bond. Her emotions ranged from anger, to fear. She was aware she was pushing Harry away, and yet she wasn't ready to face this; to face him. Hermione considered what it was that was making her avoid him. Ever since she had found out about the true nature of the bond she had felt…dirty, defiled, and unclean. It was irrational and yet she couldn't shake it. When she thought she was bonded to Harry she felt unlucky having the attacks but also enjoyed the thought of being so fully bound to the man she loved. When the attacks had stopped for a time after their marriage she had been so hopeful, so positive that the bond of their love had broken the bond of the curse. Now, each attack was a painful reminder that she was not Harry's at all. That he had no power anymore to stop her pain. Her feelings were jumbled and too hard to explain or understand. She knew it wasn't fair to push Harry away. She missed him. Yet, she didn't want to burden him. She was supposed to be a support to him, a strength and a partner. Lately she felt more like a child who needed looking after and was a nuisance. For the first time in her life she was unsure how to proceed and that scared her just as much as the thought of her falling core levels.

When Harry returned home later that evening Colby met him at the door. Before Harry could ask about Hermione the little elf blurted, "Miss Hermione has been in the library all day. Biddy says she did not eat the lunch she had brought her and she is worried about Miss but Miss told her to leave so she could rest. Biddy is wanting to check on Miss again but is afraid to upset her."

Harry's brow furrowed at hearing Colby's story. It was not like Hermione to send the little elf away and he too was concerned that Hermione had not eaten. "Thank you for telling me Colby. Is Hermione still in the library then?"

"I is believing so Sir."

The little elf's voice held clear concern. Harry nodded, "I will go check on her right now. She has not been herself lately. I'm sorry if she upset Biddy."

"No, no Sir. Biddy is simply worried about her. We is both caring for her very much. We is knowing she not feeling good. It is serious, yes?"

Harry slowly nodded. "I am afraid so."

"She is scared I is thinking. At least that is why Biddy says you two is not being close the last few days."

Harry was taken back by the elf's honest observation. "That may very well be part of it. Thank you Colby." He gave the elf a small smile before turning and heading determinedly up the stairs and to the library door.

Harry entered the library and looking around didn't see Hermione. He called out, "Hermione?" The door adjoining their bedroom to the library was open and he wondered if she was in there. As he made his way around the chairs his eyes grew wide with fear when he saw Hermione lying on the floor seemingly unconscious. Harry quickly knelt beside her. "Hermione? Hermione can you hear me?" He gently shook her and moved her arm away from her face. When he heard her moan softly and saw her begin to stir he sighed with relief. He gently took her face in his hands. "Hermione wake up honey. Can you look at me?" Her eyes slowly opened but her brow furrowed. She began to push herself up to sitting and Harry moved to help her. "What happened? Why are you on the floor?" Harry didn't understand. If she had had an attack his pendant would have alerted him. He had not felt it grow hot.

Hermione breathed deeply as she oriented herself and shook sleep from her mind. Her eyes still felt heavy and her head felt tender. She turned her head slowly toward Harry and saw the clear anxiety and worry on his face. She managed a weak smile and said quietly, "I fell asleep."

"On the floor?" Harry asked.

Hermione started to shake her head but it aggravated the dull ach that remained and she quickly stopped. "No! Well, yes. I got a horrible headache. When I moved to close the drapes I became dizzy and… needed to sit down."

"You collapsed?" Harry asked worriedly as he began gathering her in his arms. She pushed him away and scooted back. His heart dropped at her denial to allow him to help. Her eyes were tired but full of indignation as her words reached him.

"I chose to sit down before I threw up. There is a difference. The cold floor felt good on my pounding head and I must have fallen asleep. I'll be fine." Hermione rubbed her temples and stretched her neck as she stood and moved toward the windows.

It was clear she was upset but Harry couldn't let this continue. "Are you still in pain? I can get..."

"I'll be fine. It's more of a tender feeling. It will pass soon."

Harry sighed. He didn't like this new Hermione. She was distant, sad, and her tone clipped. It wasn't like her. He moved with resolve to stand beside her at the window. He just stood next to her for a moment trying to do decide how to proceed. Finally he said, "I miss you." His statement was met with silence. He tried to glance at her but he couldn't quite see her face clearly. He did notice that her cheeks were a bit flushed though. She hadn't moved. Her gaze remained on the expansive grounds outside the window, which currently were covered in a light dusting of snow. Harry tried again with a more direct request. "Hermione, we need to talk." Again, she seemed not to hear him. He continued, "I wanted to give you time to process everything, but you can't hide from this…from me, anymore. I know you are upset. I know this is not what we had expected. If you are mad at me I can accept that. Afterall, it was my idea to get married. If we hadn't I would still be of use to you. But…" At this last statement he finally saw a reaction and he paused. She was slowly shaking her head as if disagreeing with him. Her head dropped slightly as her gaze fell to the floor. When she didn't speak he continued quietly, "We can't continue like this. You can't shut me and everyone else out." Harry hesitantly took her hand as he said, "Please, tell me what's going on inside that brilliant mind of yours?" He took it as a good sign that she had not pulled her hand away. Silence filled the room once more. Harry waited patiently holding her hand and gazing out the window.

Hermione was a bit surprised by the tears that had so easily sprung to her eyes after Harry's simple declaration that he missed her. She tried to keep her breathing steady as she listened to him. She knew she had hurt him, but he was wrong. She was not mad at him. Hearing how Harry so easily took the blame and humbly accepted her supposed anger toward him nearly broke her. She lowered her head as her cheeks became wet with tears she could no longer contain. She heard Harry pause and she was grateful her hair hid her face. When he took her hand, Hermione couldn't bring herself to pull away. He was right, she couldn't avoid it any longer. She didn't know what to say, or how to begin.

Harry was beginning to wonder if she was ever going to speak. Just as he was preparing to encourage her, he felt her shift slightly. Her voice was so quiet that Harry strained to hear it. "I'm not mad at you."

He nodded calmly, "Alright."

"Harry, I am so sorry." She slowly brought her head up and turned toward him.

Harry was surprised by her apology and looking toward her was taken back by the tears running down her soft cheeks. He quickly took her in his arms and held her close. He felt her breathing hitch. As he stroked her hair he said, "My dear, you have no need to apologize to me."

After a time Hermione said a bit more clearly, "You are far too forgiving. You should be mad at me! I know my behavior has not been..., I have not been a very good spouse as of late."

Harry smirked at that. He simply said, "I don't think there is a guidebook for how a spouse should act when they find out the news we just found out. I suspect this is uncharted territory."

"I suppose you are right." Hermione sighed. "Still, you deserve better."

Harry simply shook his head. "They don't make woman better than you my love." He tightened his hold on her and felt her scoff at his comment just as he knew she would. Harry stated, "So, you aren't mad."

Hermione pulled away slightly at his comment and declared, "No, I'm plenty mad!" She said softly, "Just not at you."

Harry watched her withdraw to the window once more and he asked, "May I ask why you have been avoiding me then?"

Hermione sighed trying to figure out how to make him understand. The anger and frustration boiled inside of her. "I'm not…I don't… Argh!" She threw her arms up, spinning around to look at him. She began pacing and storming about the room, her words coming out hard and fast. "This whole thing is maddening! I thought we were finally going to have some relief and peace after we were married. I was so hopeful. We were so happy. Then it was all ripped away! I feel like I'm losing my mind. I am in a constant state of uncertainty! I am furious about this whole thing and there isn't a damned thing I can do about it! I feel helpless and weak! I hate it!"

Harry watched her stomp around the library and couldn't help but be thankful to see it. This was the Hermione he knew; the one full of passion and spunk. He had not seen this much emotion or energy from her in days and it made him hopeful. He was glad she was finally talking. He watched her slow and stop, her breathing slightly fast. She was facing away from him. He wasn't sure if she was done or not and decided to wait. His wait paid off as he saw her sigh, her shoulders slumping.

Hermione was suddenly aware that her emotions were quickly turning from frustration to sadness. She continued in a somewhat more subdued tone, "Now,…well, now we find out I'm not even….we aren't…we aren't bonded. That I'm…that I'm bonded to…" She couldn't seem to say it.

Harry moved to her and ran his hand along her back. She flinched away and he looked at her with a slightly hurt expression. He watched her carefully.

Hermione saw the hurt on Harry's face at her reaction to his comforting hand. Tears once again sprang to her eyes. "I'm sorry. I just…I feel…I'm dirty."

Harry furrowed his brow. He wasn't sure he understood. "What?"

"I feel…dirty! I don't know how else to phrase it. I'm bound to that awful man, Harry! I'm not…I know it's not logical. I just…it makes me feel tainted somehow. I'm not…We're not…I'm not…not yours. He's in control. We have no power." Hermione's voice broke and she buried her face in hands breathing unsteadily.

Harry froze. It clicked in his mind. She didn't feel worthy of him. The bond with Atticus had affected her in a way he had not considered. He had not expected her to feel as if she was somehow less now; less worthy of his love, less connected to him. He had to make her understand it wasn't true. She was scared too, he could hear it in her voice. He approached her and set his hand on her shoulder. He felt her breath hitch as a sob shook her body. He quickly enveloped her from behind and gently turned her toward him. For a moment he simply let her cry into his chest. He kissed the top of her head and then pushing her back a little and raising her chin said, "Hermione, I want you to hear me. You are not dirty. You are not tainted. Atticus may control your pain but he does not control who you are or who you love." Harry wiped the tears that fell down her cheeks and looking into her honey called eyes continued, "We are bound Hermione in all the ways that matter. You are mine. I am yours. You have my heart. We are bound as husband and wife. That is stronger than any curse. I love you Hermione, this doesn't change that." He slowly met her lips with his and felt her melt into him.

Hermione let his words penetrate her tired mind and felt the truth of them. She let her body relax as Harry kissed her gently and deeply. After a time she said against his shoulder, "Don't let me ever hear you imply that you are of no use to me, ever again!"

Harry responded, "Did I?"

"You said that if we hadn't gotten married you'd still be of use to me; as if marrying me somehow made you useless. I think I've only gotten this far because of your strength Harry. I wish I could handle it as gracefully as you do. "

Harry gave her a squeeze and confessed, "Oh, I'm not so sure I've handled it very well. Finding out your wife is bound to another man doesn't exactly sit well; I simply have an outlet for my anger with my training sessions. Ron can attest to the fact that more than one room has been very nearly destroyed by my handling it gracefully, as you put it." He was glad to see that made her smile. He continued, "Knowing you were pushing me away worried me most. Thank you for talking to me. I know it wasn't easy for you."

"Harry I am so sorry. I just didn't know what to do or how to react. I'm still not sure." Hermione averted her eyes but Harry quickly placed his hand on her cheek and raised her head.

"We will figure it out together. It will be alright." Harry kissed her lightly again. "Now, how do you feel about letting me show you just how bonded we are?"

Hermione smirked at his wicked grin. "I think I could be persuaded."

Harry let his hand draw up her back and into her hair as he drew her close. His lips met hers with gentleness that soon became deep passion. "Was that persuasive enough for you?" Harry asked when they parted.

Hermione hummed her approval. "I think I would like some more of that." She initiated the next kiss, much to Harry's pleasure.

Harry grinned against her lips and whispered, "Let's retire to a more comfortable location." Hermione didn't respond verbally but her reaction to his words soon had them both making their way clumsily to the bedroom.

Sometime later, Hermione found herself breathing deeply as she laid her head upon her husband's smooth chest. She was perfectly content. She had not felt this happy for days. Harry had certainly proved his point; they were bonded. She was his in every way that truly mattered. She twisted the sparkling wedding ring on her finger. She wanted nothing more than for this happiness with Harry to last forever. He was laying comfortably beneath her, running his hands through her curls. She was close to drifting off to sleep when Harry's voice drew her from her thoughts. "Can I ask you something?"

Hermione was surprised to hear a bit of hesitancy in his voice. "Of course," Hermione replied.

"Are you scared?"

Hermione had not been expecting that question. She lifted her head and gave him a somewhat bewildered look. Harry was quick to explain, "It's just that Biddy is under the impression that your fear is what has kept us apart the last few days."

Hermione bit her lip and after a time said softly, "She's a very intuitive little elf."

Harry frowned, lifting himself up a bit to look at her more closely. Rubbing his hands along her arm he asked, "What can I do?"

"I don't know. Just be there for me I guess." Hermione moved to prop herself up more against the pillows. She sighed, "I'm not scared of the attacks so much…well, I mean I kind of am. It's no joy walking around never knowing when it will happen. But I think the real fear comes in not knowing if there is a fix for this, or if we will find it in time. I…I'm scared of…of losing you. I'm scared of not having the life I want to have with you. I'm scared of hurting you if…if the worst happens."

"It won't come to that. I'll make sure it doesn't," Harry said with almost panic in his voice.

Hermione gave him a sad smile. "I know we both hope that Harry, but there is no guarantee that-"

"Hermione, we are going to find him! They are close." Harry insisted.

"Harry, my core levels are-"

"Hermione, I am not going to lose you," Harry interrupted. He was not ready for this conversation or ready to entertain the idea of what she was suggesting.

They sat beside one another quietly for a moment. Harry's arm drew her in close. Hermione broke the silence and in a quiet voice of sadness said, "Harry, the pain is worse. It's…it's constant. Not to the degree it is during an episode... it fads. But Harry, it's there; deep inside of me. I'm afraid …it's wearing me down. It's exhausting," Hermione confessed meekly. "I didn't want to tell you. I don't want you to worry more but… the attacks are…they're just getting harder to handle."

Harry's insides grew cold at her confession. He held in his arms the most amazing woman in the world and she was in pain. He shook his head in disbelief. "You're strong Hermione."

Hermione sighed, "That's what I'm trying to tell you, Harry. I don't feel strong."

"You can't give up," Harry pleaded.

"I'm not. I fully intend on continuing to fight this but I'm…tired; in more ways than one."

Harry nodded absorbing her words. She was not giving up. He saw the firm set of her jaw and the fire in her eyes. He also saw the exhaustion and the lingering pain that was hidden well behind her soft skin and full lips. His heart broke to know that even now she was in some kind of pain. He quickly wrapped her in his arms. "Is there anything I can do?"

Hermione shrugged and finally said, "Well, I think I may be a bit hungry."

Harry was pleased to see her smile at him and knew she was attempting to lighten things up. "I should think so. Colby said you didn't eat lunch!"

"He is correct. I was much too moody to eat," Hermione confessed with a shrug and a grin.

"Well, I am sure Biddy would be delighted to try to fatten us up," Harry said, kissing her lightly. A short time later they were both eating a delicious meal. They discussed various events in their day and plans for the upcoming Christmas holiday. It was decided that they would host a gathering of friends on Christmas afternoon. Hermione looked forward to decorating the Manor and quickly set to work writing out a list of things she would need to do. Harry found it encouraging that she was showing such enthusiasm.

"I'll have to get started tomorrow. There is so much to do! I only have two weeks!" Hermione declared. "Assuming I have the energy that is. But I am sure Biddy and Colby can help."

Harry smiled at her and said, "You don't have to do anything over the top you know. The house is fine the way it is. And the elves can easily do anything extra you would like."

"Harry, it's Christmas! Trust me. We have to have a big tree, maybe two, garland, and lights. I love decorating for the holidays! It makes the place feel so warm and cheery. I really should have done it before now but I was just so distracted by everything else. I know you've never really had a home to decorate at Christmas before and I want you to see just how magical it can be."

Harry kissed her cheek and grinned at her. "Alright, just don't wear yourself out my dear. It is just friends we are having, not the Queen. The elves really can do most of it."

"I know, but it will give me something to do and occupy my mind with," Hermione stated. Harry watched her rise from the table with her list in hand. "I think I'll just find Biddy and go over this with her. She may have some other ideas."

"It's getting late, Hermione. And you have had quite an eventful day already. Perhaps you should wait until tomorrow to unleash your master plan," Harry suggested with a grin, making his way to her.

Hermione gave him a light laugh. "I suppose you are right. I tend to run away with things sometimes."

"Like S.P.E.W.?" Harry teased.

"Hey! That was a valiant cause," Hermione defended with a grin as she elbowed Harry in the side. "At least you can't say I'm not passionate about things."

"Oh, no, you are definitely passionate. I have been the happy recipient of it," Harry said with a wicked grin that set Hermione blushing. He grabbed her hand and led her to the stairs. After a couple steps, Harry felt Hermione pause as he stepped up to the next stair and she didn't follow. He turned as he heard her gasp. Harry moved quickly as he saw her begin to fall. He felt the pendant heat up against his skin and watched in fear as Hermione's body became tense and convulsed uncontrollably. He pulled her toward him as he sat on the stair and cradled her trembling form. He looked into her eyes and clearly saw the terror there. Harry tried to get her attention but her eyes were far away and unfocused. Without warning Hermione's body arched in his arms and she let out a horrifying scream. Harry blinked back the tears that clouded his vision. There was nothing he could do but hold her and wait for it to stop. When her scream faded she breathed a few hard, disjointed, raspy breaths. Her eyes were closed now but her body still shook. To Harry's dismay she once again screamed out in agony before falling limp and silent. Harry listened to her shallow gasps and spoke gently, "Hermione? Hermione, can you hear me? Come on honey. Please, wake up." She did not respond. A second later Harry inhaled sharply as he watched a drop of thick blood run from her nose. Harry felt sick to his stomach. Suddenly Colby and Biddy appeared, bouncing nervously about. "Biddy, please get the potions ready in the study. I'll be there in just a moment. Colby will you please fetch Madam Pomfrey?"

"Of course, Sir," Colby replied before popping away. Biddy had already left to gather what was needed in the study. Harry carefully adjusted Hermione in his arms and made his way to the study where he laid her prone form on the couch. Before he could do anything else Madam Pomfrey appeared with a pop holding Colby's hand.

"I thought this would be faster than the Floo Sir," Colby explained.

"Thank you Colby," Harry replied as he moved aside for Madam Pomfrey. Turning to the mediwitch he said, "She was screaming and when it ended her nose…"

"Hmm, yes I see that," Madam Pomfrey replied.

Harry watched as the nurse vanished the blood, administered the potions, and began her various scans. He was once again helpless as he watched from the sidelines. He took the opportunity to let his eyes roam over his wife's features. Despite her unconsciousness her face held lines of strain. Her complexion was far too pale and the skin around her eyes looked shadowed with exhaustion. After what felt like a very long time Madam Pomfrey's voice penetrated his mind.

"It seems her levels dropped again but not hugely. She is currently at 48%. Mind you that isn't good but considering the last time she was at 50% it isn't too bad. "

Harry's brows were drawn together and he slowly nodded and asked, "And the bleeding?"

"Yes, that is of some concern. Was she complaining of headaches?"

"She had a rather bad one earlier today. I found her asleep on the floor in fact. She had became too dizzy to make it to bed. She was feeling fairly well though before the attack," Harry offered.

"Hmm, well, it would appear that she has experienced a small brain bleed." The mediwitch watched Harry's complexion pale and saw the clear worry on his face. She continued in what she hoped was a reassuring manner. "It sounds worse than it is. Or rather it isn't too serious… for now."

"You're saying her brain bleeding is not serious?!" Harry asked in exasperation.

"It is of course not ideal, however, it doesn't seem to have caused any major or permanent damage. Her brain is under quite a lot of strain with the headaches and attacks. It seems that with the intensity of them increasing she is beginning to have small hemorrhages. It is likely that from now on each attack will result in this happening."

"Isn't there anything we can do about it? It can't be good for her!" Harry insisted.

"It isn't good for her. Of that you are correct. As I said, for now, it doesn't seem to be too harmful. Aside from pain potions there is really little we can do. However, if the hemorrhages become more pronounced, I have to warn you, it could result in some form of brain damage. She is already experiencing occasional lapses in memory is she not?"

Harry sighed, "Yes. It isn't often but it has happened."

Madam Pomfrey nodded sadly, "She may experience it even more now. She may also have times of weakness or dizziness as well. "

Harry ran his fingers through his hair as he tried to digest this new development. He placed a gentle hand along Hermione's cheek. In a low voice he asked, "And her fevers?"

"Watch them carefully. It would seem the fever potion doesn't have much effect. If her fevers continue to rise we may need to use more drastic, muggle strategies to bring them down. Cold compresses and things of that sort. I performed a simple cooling charm just now and that seems to have lowered it a bit. It should continue to go down as they always do after some time. If for any reason you feel it isn't coming down or she suddenly spikes a fever that is not a direct result of an attack, please inform me."

Harry nodded. "I will. Thank you."

"No need to thank me dearie. I only wish I had better news for you." The nurse began packing up her things. As she was turning to leave she stopped and after a moment said softly, "Harry, it may be time to…that is, the time may come soon when…it may be wise to consider admitting her to St. Mungos."

"We aren't there yet," Harry said in a hollow voice, his gaze never leaving Hermione.

Madam Pomfrey looked on him with pity and sadness before simply shaking her head and making her exit. Harry gently scooped Hermione up into his arms. She didn't react in any way to being moved. He carefully carried her upstairs to their bedroom where he tucked her into bed with care. He checked her temperature one last time and was pleased to find it at 99.7 degrees. This was better than the 100.8 that it had been at just an hour ago. Harry climbed into bed next to his wife and found he felt excessively exhausted. Despite his physical exhaustion, his mind refused to let him rest. He was continually replaying the painful episode Hermione had encountered as well as digesting the new developments and possible hardships to come. If he was honest with himself he knew Hermione was slowly losing the battle. She had admitted as much to him when she told him it was getting harder for her, that she was in constant pain, and that she was struggling to recover. Alone, in the dark bedroom, with no one to see him, Harry let himself cry. It was becoming too real now, moving too quickly. There was too much of a chance of losing her. He breathed deeply and prayed the Auror's plans would work and that Atticus would be taken in. When he was captured Harry swore not to let anything stand in his way. He would make Atticus fix this, no matter the cost.

This chapter didn't come easily. I hope you enjoyed it. Please comment! Thanks!