Harry sighed heavily as he stopped his pacing and looked out the window of Hermione's hospital room. He tiredly ran his fingers through his disheveled hair. He had tried to sleep. He knew he should be rested for tomorrow's enchanter with Atticus, but his brain wouldn't quiet despite how heavy his body felt. He had spent several hours training hoping to wear himself out enough to sleep. Unfortunately he spent three hours simply tossing and turning. How was he supposed to sleep when the other side of the bed was empty and cold; his wife miles away in a dire situation? He had showered and dressed, attempted to eat a little under Biddy's watchful care, and now found himself in a stark room with little to occupy his mind. At least he felt confident in his new skill. He knew he shouldn't use it if possible but was not entirely sure he would be able to help himself should Benton make things difficult. Harry was all too close to reaching his breaking point. The room was quiet, which was a distinct difference from the previous day when they had arrived. It had been a rush of activity and blurred movement as they accessed Hermione's condition. Madam Pomfrey had arrived and helped update the St. Mungos staff on their current situation. Harry turned his gaze from the frost bitten window to the bed. His heart clenched as his eyes focused on the most important person in his life. Harry made his way slowly to the bed and lowered himself into the chair, scooting so that he could reach out and take Hermione's hand. He gently let his thumb caress her soft skin. Her hand felt small and delicate. Harry could hardly stand to look at Hermione's face, and yet he couldn't pull his eyes away. Her skin was so pale that there was little difference between it and pillow she laid on. Her lips looked dry, her eyes sunken and dark rimmed. Her chestnut hair lay haphazardly around her, acting as the only source of true color. Harry watched as her chest moved ever so slightly with each breath she took. A clear tubbing ran along her face and into her nose providing her needed oxygen that her body seemed to be struggling to acquire on its own. She had not stirred since her attack and the doctors didn't think she would for some time. Hermione's core levels were sitting dangerously low at 33%. After they had stabilized her breathing and oxygen levels, several scans revealed that her body was basically beginning to shut down. This was part of the reason her lungs were struggling to do their job. Her kidneys and liver were also not functioning at optimal levels. Her heart sounded strong though and Harry took what comfort he could from that. In a way he was glad she was not conscious. He knew she would be in some considerable pain should she wake. A slight tremor ran through Hermione's muscles and Harry gently squeezed her hand and bent to kiss it. As he sat there, Harry wished he could talk to her. He always enjoyed her voice and the banter that ensued when they teased one another. His melancholy thoughts were interrupted as the hospital room door opened. Turning he saw Luna smile sadly at him, followed by Neville.

"Hey Harry, hope we aren't intruding," Neville said as he approached his friend and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Not at all. It was a bit too quiet in here," Harry said with a small smile. "Good of you to come."

"I thought it might be good to visit. I'd like to think Hermione can still hear us," Luna said. "Or at least sense our presence."

Harry just nodded sadly as his gaze went back to his wife. Luna asked, "Have you eaten Harry?"

"No, I confess I have not."

"Neville would you mind running downstairs to get us something? I am quite hungry myself, dear." Luna eyed her fiancé and he smiled back at her.

"Of course. Harry what would you like?"

Harry shrugged, "I don't much care. My appetite has gone really. Surprise me."

"Will do," Neville said. "Be back in a jiffy."

When Neville had taken his leave Luna approached the bed looking down on her friend. Silence settled between them. It was comfortable and Harry had to admit he enjoyed her company. After a time Luna's soft voice reached his ears. "I know you are struggling Harry. I am sorry for all of this. It should not have happened. "

Harry replied, "No, it should not have."

Silence fell once again but did not last as Luna continued, "I am glad you found one another. You make her very happy Harry. She never regretted the marriage, no matter the circumstances that prompted its hastiness." Harry gave her an appreciative smile but didn't respond. "I imagine you wish you could talk to her."

Harry nodded sadly, "I do. To be going into tomorrow without being able to talk to her about what is to happen is a bit…terrifying. I know she would be brave and allow it all to happen but I almost feel as if I am throwing her to the wolf."

"You are doing no such thing. She knew she would have to face that man and she was willing. She has hope Harry. She has never given up even if….well, even if she has set things in order. She always had hope."

Harry considered Luna's words and then asked, "I know she would face tomorrow no matter the circumstances. Perhaps it is better that she is not conscious. She won't have to see his face." Harry than asked, "What do you mean that she set things in order?"

"Oh, just that she was also prepared should the worst happen."

Harry's brows drew together and he felt his pulse race at the thought. Luna said it so casually and yet he felt like he had been punched in the stomach. Luna must have seen his discomfort because she said, "Harry, she worries for you. She knew her health was failing. She had hope, but she also knew that things could go wrong. She didn't want to leave you without… saying a few things."

"Saying a few things?" Harry asked somewhat bewildered.

Luna took Hermione's hand and gently caressed it before she turned to Harry and said, "She wrote something for you. She entrusted me to give it to you should…should she not wake." Luna pulled an envelope from her pocket. "I do believe she intended for you to only read this if she... She told me I'd know when you were ready for it…after. I am a bit hesitant to give it to you, and yet while the timing is not what Hermione envisioned, I think you might benefit from hearing her voice; even if it is only through her writings."

Harry watched as Luna quietly held out the envelope to him with a smile. He hesitantly took the mysterious envelope. Luna said, "She loves you Harry. Listen to her. She is the brightest witch of our age after all." That got Harry to smile just a little.

"Thank you," Harry said as he reverently fingered the envelope. Luna gave his shoulder a squeeze.

"We will be here for you. I hope tomorrow goes well and that Hermione comes home soon," Luna said.

Harry nodded to her and Neville entered the room with a handful of food. The slightly heavy mood that had creeped into the room dissipated a bit with Neville's arrival. The three ate together and chatted for a short time before Luna said, "I do believe it is time to go." Looking at Neville she added, "I think Harry has some things he needs to attend to."

Harry smirked at Luna's all too knowing tone and replied, "Thank you for coming by. I appreciate the company. You guys have done a lot for us."

"We have done nothing but what good friends are supposed to do," Neville said as he rose from his seat. "Please keep us updated. Good luck tomorrow."

Harry gave them both a quick hug and saw them out. The room once again became quiet and lonely. He resumed his seat beside Hermione's bed and pulled out the envelope for a few moments. He was curious but also anxious and nervous about what the letter would hold. He was not sure he wanted to read it. It had not been written for him to read unless…he didn't want to think about it. But this letter was surely going to make him do just that. He didn't feel ready. Yet, he longed to read her thoughts and hear her voice in his head as he read. Quietly he took his wife's hand and asked, "Will you forgive me for reading this while you are still with me?" He sat for a few moments just getting up the nerve to break the seal. Finally he couldn't hold back any longer and his finger popped the envelope open and he gently pulled out the parchment. Hermione's curving and elegant writing spread across the page. He was always amazed at how nicely she used a quill despite her muggle upbringing. He had never been able to grasp the elegance of it himself. With a deep breath he began to read.

My Dearest Harry,

I find I am not sure how to begin. If you are reading this it means your heart is shattered, and it is my fault. I am so sorry my love. I wanted to stay with you more than anything. I fought as hard as I could, and while my spirit will always be with you, I fear my body has failed me. I never wanted to cause you heartache. You must know how much I love you! Oh, how I hope you do. Harry, I know you will blame yourself. Please don't! This was not your doing. You did all you could to save me. It was not to be. Trust, and know that I am alright. You know better than most the life that comes after this one. I am confident that I will find myself quite content and will patiently wait for your arrival when the time is right. Harry, I know you are broken right now. But hear me now. It will not last. I know you will scoff and disbelieve it. My love, time will pass and wounds will heal. I hope you let them heal. Don't hold on for too long. I will always be with you but I do not wish you to live your life alone. Harry, listen carefully! I want you to find love again. I know that right now it seems impossible. But that will not always be the case. Eventually you will find another special woman who will touch your heart. Please don't push her away. Let her in. I am giving you permission to fall in love again. You will not hurt me by doing so. I will be hurt only if you choose to be alone out of some sense of duty to a wife who is no longer with you. Harry you have so much love to give! Don't bury it. It is a beautiful gift. Tease people. You are quite a wonderful flirt when you want to be and when you tease me I cherish the playfulness that inevitably follows. Use that! A smart woman will find it irresistible. I smile as I write this, wishing I could wink at you. How odd that I have included dating advice for my husband after I am gone in my final words for him. I must really be losing my mind. And now I am talking to myself. I confess this is a fear of mine as my memory has slipped recently. It is a blessing that my passing happened before I went mad. I want you to remember me as smart and witty not forgetful and tired. Take comfort knowing I am not in pain anymore.

Harry, I want you to be a father one day. I wish with all my heart I could have given you a child. I wish that I could have left behind a part of myself, a part of us, for you to cherish always. I do wish for you to have children, even if it can't be with me. I have watched you with Teddy. You are wonderful with him. I know you have fears and doubts about your abilities where parenting is concerned, especially considering your upbringing. Harry, you have no reason to fear. You will do wonderfully! Your children will adore you. You know what they need because you longed for it your whole life. While I know it must hurt you to hear me speak of you moving forward without me, I want you to know that it is what I want. I want you to be happy. I understand that may seem impossible with my death being somewhat fresh. I do not wish to push you or rush you. Grieve for me as I know you must, just don't let me be the reason you never love again. If you do I shall never forgive you.

I want you to know, my love, that I regret nothing. I would not give up the last few months I've had as your wife for anything. Harry, if someone offered me a long life full of health but the cost was not having you, I would turn them down in a heartbeat. We have had such great adventures together! If only we could have had a few more. I will forever cherish these last months with you. You made me feel more important and beautiful than I have ever felt. I feel privileged to have been the recipient of the full extent of your love and care. I kept a small journal after we were married. It is in the top drawer of my nightstand. Should you wish to read it I have no objections. I only would advise that you use it to find comfort and not more sorrow. I love you more than words can say. It sounds so cliché to write that. But truly, I cannot adequately describe how I feel for you. Fear not that I died not knowing how you felt about me. I knew! I still know, Harry. Be at peace my love. I surely am. Cry and mourn, but let others do it with you. When you can, please laugh and smile. It will get easier the more you do it. I long for your happiness. I will see you again my dear, of that I am sure. Do not expect me to visit you as a ghost. I have no taste for that. I would much rather move forward as I hope you do. Live Harry! Live, and enjoy it!

With all the love I have to give,

Hermione

P.S. You shall find that all my financial holdings have been transferred to you. I know you have no use for them as I have not much to give in that regard but they are yours none the less. As for my material possessions, when you are ready please donate them to a charitable institution of your choosing who can use them.

Harry read the letter through three times. He scoffed and grinned and cried. He wiped his tears and placing the letter tenderly in his jacket pocket, rose from his chair and kissed Hermione on the forehead. He lingered to smell her honey shampoo. The words of her letter swam in his mind. She wrote with such surety and bravery. He couldn't fathom losing her, let alone sharing his life with anyone else. Yet, he now knew that if Hermione died that was all she wanted for him. She wanted to give him permission to live and to love after she was gone. He felt fresh tears roll down his face. He wasn't sure if it was her selfless desire for him or the thought of losing her that caused them. She had professed her love for him and at the same time cleared the way for him to have a future without her. The thought of loving another, of having some other woman in his bed, or sitting in his library was so unfathomable and distasteful he felt sick to his stomach. Yet, a voice in the back of his mind told him that Hermione was right. She was always right. If he lost her, he would have to keep living. Harry suddenly thought of how hard it must have been for her to write those words and his tears fell all the more. He took a deep breath to steady himself. It was not over. She was not dead. There was still hope. Tomorrow would determine much. Harry prayed she would survive. Even if she did survive, things would be different. The doctors had warned that should she recover and the curse be broken that Hermione would most likely suffer from some lasting side effects. Harry had expected that. You couldn't suffer from the Cruciatus curse as often as she had without damage. He had worried about it often. But no lasting effect could be worse than living without her. He took her hand and kissing it said softly, "Live Hermione. Please. Keep fighting."

Please review! I am so sorry for the wait! I will try to have the next chapter up within the month. Any comments are so appreciated. Are you still with me readers? Merry Christmas!