SONIC UNIVERSITY

by joshy suigtin

SONIC UNIVERSITY Contains many favorite characters like our buddies, Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, and a few other weird Sonic characters nobody else knows. They are all off to college, Sonic University, which is much more stressful, suspenseful, cashless, and love-packed challenge than their previous schools ever were! Will Sonic and friends make it through college, or will they die? :(

24. Time Crime (¡It Rhymes!)

Chapter 24

Time Crime (¡It Rhymes!)

The Delorean zoomed past the thunderous campus of Sonic University and toward Sonic's old neighborhood, Sonic Land. In the Sonic Land Neighborhood, everything was Sonic Blue. Blue houses, blue streets, blue mailboxes, blue trees, bluegrass (Kentucky), and a blue sky! Sonic's house had an address of 0001 Sonic St. His old home was blue and had a front door. He commuted to college since he was the fastest, and the university was his next door neighbor (0002 Sonic St.). Sonic lowered the DeLorean behind the giant "Sonic's Neighborhood: Sonic Land" sign with a family of blue hedgehogs eating a Kid Cuisine dinner in front of a TV playing reruns of Sonic Sez. The car shut off and Sonic opened his driver side gullwing door. After covering the DeLorean with some branches, he walked out into his childhood street.

"Shoo! This stuff actually worked!" Sonic said as he stripped himself of the metal helmet and series of sensors that converted his age to a lower number.

"BBBZZZZZZ! Hey Sonic, Tails here!" Scorched the Kim Possible walkie talkie. Sonic looked at the female radio in absolute fear. Tails was communicating through time!

"H-h-how?!" Sonic cried. This literally would never work.

"I've used my wealth to communicate through the space time continue screen, Sonic." Tails explained. He was a smarty pants kinda guy if you haven't figured out yet.

"Well slap me on a skillet and flip me like a pancake! Tails you're genius is showing!" Sonic screamed into electronic cartoon communication device...THROUGH TIME.

"What?! Where?!" Cried Tails. He then frowned and changed the topic. "Sonic, your past self still exists in this era along with your once boomer self. The rule is that the past Sonic can't see you or the space time continue screen miGHT EXPLODE! Or something, idk." Tails seemed to be nervous about something.

"What do I do if I wanna go to college?" Sonic asked. He needed an answer and he needed to learn.

"Look behind your seat. There's a time travel kit that you can use to knock your past self out cold so you can take his place." Tails scratched over the radio as Sonic pushed the driver's seat forward, revealing a red tool box roughly the size of 26 footballs. Sonic opened the massive toolbox, inside was a police batton, Domino's pizza, expired condoms, and… A GUN!

"Holy shit Tails! A gun! Imma shoot my old self and live here forever!" Sonic screamed like an angry white kid as he grabbed the elephant rifle and threw the toolbox back behind the seat.

"NO! You can't kill your past self! Then you go with him!" Tails made a valid point, but Sonic had already shoved the radio and gun up his crotch (things can be stored up there) and began to spin dash toward his old home.

"Here we are!" Sonic yelled to no one in the middle of the street like an idiot asshole. "0001 Sonic Street!" Sonic explained as he was still in the middle of the blue road. Stupid idiot playing in the street. He walked up to the blue 2 floor home and jumped by using the red spring located in the front yard to reach his old bedroom's window.

"RRREEEEEEEEEEEEPPP!" Said the red spring as Sonic soared into the air and almost out of orbit. His white-gloved left hand grabbed onto the blue windowsill in a similar manner to Jackie Chan grabbing a dog off of the shelf at his local Meijer for dinner. Sonic peaked his blue head (not his penis head because that wouod be GAY) over to see his old self playing on his new Sega Genesis VR headset! He sat in front of an old tube TV with a Genesis planted on top and a VR headset locked to his eyes. The Sonic 3 & Knuckles lock on cartridges towered out of the Genesis at an astounding height, almost reaching the popcorn ceiling that Momma Sonic dislikes.

"Wow!" Sonic rasped quietly so other Sonic didn't hear. "My old headset!" Luckily, the headset prevented Sonic from hearing or seeing Sonic! This is getting confusing. Sonic climbed into the blue room and stood behind Sonic wearing his retro headset. Sonic was playing Sonic 3 & Knuckles VR. A very immersive game.

"POP!" Said Sonic's crotch. The elephant rifle flew out like a premature baby and splattered onto the carpet like a premature baby. Sonic stumbled to pick up the gun like a premature baby. Music from the game stopped since the game was paused! The other Sonic with the headset stopped moving for a second, like a premature baby, questioning the loud thump that ruptured (like a premature baby) a few feet away. Sonic gripped his face and shut his trap till his old self resumed his VR game. He can't be seen or the space time continue screen could turn into a space time game over screen!

Old Sonic unpaused his game and the music filled the blue hedgehog room one more final time. "That was close." Sonic whispered as he reached down to pick up the elephant rifle. He lowered himself to the ground as he watched the game play on an old TV where the Genesis and the Genesis VR headset were plugged into. The weapon was right below the red shoes of an unsuspecting gamer Sonic. The other Sonic watching the game then proceeded to accidentally grab the leg of his past self instead of his gun.

"What the fUCK!" Screamed past Sonic who removed the headset to see an identical blue hedgehog with a killing device smiling at him nervously. "Who are you? Are you… me?" Past Sonic was confused in a similar manner to an infant born too early to maintain life.

"Uhhh… Meow?" Said the Sonic that traveled back in time to relive his college days (this is getting confusioning). Past Sonic quickly stood up.

"BANG!" Screamed the elephant rifle as Sonic shot his old self in the chest. He was silent for a second till his eyes rolled back and he fell over his blue race car gaming chair. The Sonic 3 & Knuckles music continued to play loudly as this all went down.

"Bzzzztt! What the hell was that!" Tails screamed over the Kim Possible radio still lodged in Sonic's crotch.

"POP!" Said Sonic's crotch as the radio was pushed out and splatted right onto the floor. A sticky blue fluid covered portions of the walkie talkie.

"Hey buddy! :)" Said Sonic. Tails was still rich enough to communicate through time, even in the past.

"SSSxxxxktt!" What was that loud banging noise! What did you do?!" Tails screamed over the radio. Panic filled his voice, similarly to when that birth control pill had an opposite effect.

"WhaaAATT!?" Shouted Sonic. He cupped the radio up to his hedgehog ear. The music from the game was too loud. He couldn't hear Tails! Luckily, Sonic could hear the music from the game which put him in a good mood.

"SSSxxxxktt!" What was that loud banging noise! What did you do?!" Tails screamed over the radio. Panic filled his voice, similarly to when that birth control pill had an opposite effect.

"WhaaAATT!?" Shouted Sonic. He cupped the radio up to his hedgehog ear. The music from the game was too loud. He couldn't hear Tails! Luckily, Sonic could hear the music from the game which put him in a good mood.

"SSSxxxxktt!" What was that loud banging noise! What did you do?!" Tails screamed over the radio. Panic filled his voice, similarly to when that birth control pill had an opposite effect.

"WhaaAATT!?" Shouted Sonic. He cupped the radio up to his hedgehog ear. The music from the game was too loud. He couldn't hear Tails! Luckily, Sonic could hear the music from the game which put him in a good mood.

"Fuckin useless!" Screamed Tails so loud that Sonic could actually hear his friend over the loud music. "Turn that damn song down you slow fucking simpleton pillock! If we weren't in different time periods I'd soaked the tar outta your brain!" Tails burst a blood vessel, truly revealing how pissed off he was at Sonic's cluelessness.

Sonic, slightly teary eyed, turned the Sonic 3 & Knuckles and its music off. "It was nothing Tails. I just took care of myself from the past." Said Sonic. The shot body of his old self sprawled out across the floor. "That noise was of my elephant rifle."

"CCrrrk! Why the fuck do you have a gun!" Shouted Tails with an angry voice.

"Well, I shot the son of a bitch." Sonic replied with honesty. He didn't want to lie and make Tails any more mad.

The radio was silent for a few seconds. 3 I think. "Sorry. Say that again?" Tails said in a calm voice.

"Well, I shot the son of a bitch." Sonic replied with honesty. He didn't want to lie and make Tails any more mad.

The radio was silent for a few seconds. 4 I think. "Gotcha, cool." Said Tails. Sonic smiled from a job well done despite him being more of a medium rare kinda guy. "It's pretty cool thAT YOU ABSOLUTELY GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO DO EVERYTHING WRONG TO THE WORST DEGREE! YOU CAN'T MURDER YOURSELF FROM THE PAST HAHAHAHAHA THAT WOULD BE SO STUPID!" Tails was mad at Sonic. "I am impressed by your impressive lack of common sense, Sonic!" Tails whined as his voice increased in pitch with every vowel.

"Why. thank you, Tails!" Sonic beamed for a job medium rare done despite him changing to more of a well done kinda guy.

The radio was silent for a few seconds. 5 I think. "FUCK! SHIT! BITCH! PISS! DICK! ASS! COCK!" Screamed Tails as he exposed his vocabulary. Sonic got bored and showed the Kim Possible radio back up his crotch. "SKANK! CUNT! CLITORUS! URETHR-!" Tails stuttered as the radio was muffled by Sonic's blue crotch. Then, Sonic proceeded to carry the wounded corpse into his old closet and closed the door.

Sonic looked around at his old room and saw his blue Sonic backpack hanging on his door knob, full of school supplies and ready for his first day at Sonic University. "College time! Brought to you by Hedgehog Instruments! The Fastest Calculators in a classroom or divorce court setting!" Sonic grabbed the backpack and ran downstairs since he was the fastest.