"Mom I have to go back to work," Alyssa argued.

"Nate disappeared now you're leaving," Megan snapped.

"My time off work is up," Alyssa snapped, "I've been here 8 weeks. I work on Monday so I'm leaving this afternoon to give myself tomorrow to get organised. I've negotiated short days on Fridays and will be off at one. I have Nexus and get off work at one on Fridays because it's summer. I should be here around 5 if the border is clear. I will see you Friday night and we can face time after work every day."

"So you're going back to your life," Megan asked.

"Mom I have to work before I lose my job," Alyssa argued, "I'm 24 years old. I have a career and a life. I like what I do and my friends. Mom at 24 your were."

"Raising a 5 year old and in medical school," Megan said, "about to start residency."

"You got to be an adult," Alyssa said, "I know you want your little girl back but I haven't been her since you disappeared. It's taken a lot of time and therapy to get to this point. Mom I had to come to terms with being an orphan. Derek was alive but he was never part of my life. He didn't want me. I had to build a life on my own and for myself. I had to figure out who I am without a mother, without a father."

"You had grandma and Owen," Megan tried.

"It's not the same," Alyssa screamed, "my dad walked away and you walked away. You left me. You both chose to leave me. I had to make a life alone. I was alone. I chose things that made sense for me and made me happy. I found people and community. I'm not giving up something that is guaranteed for a maybe. I have to protect myself because the people that were supposed to be there for me most weren't there. Fuck Derek hasn't returned my calls or texts in a year. I haven't had parents since I was 9. You left when I was 9. You can't come in here after being gone for essentially 15 years and expect to pick up where we left off. I can't change my entire life to be who you want me to be and where you want me to be. I live my life on my terms. You lost that right when you took off with the army for three years before getting captured. You told me it would be a year or two, then it was three, then you never came home. Do you know how hard it is to see the army chaplains on the doorstep to hear them say you're gone!"

"You were there," Megan asked.

"We were all at grandmas when they showed up," Alyssa said, "I was sitting on the couch with Grandma and Uncle Owen. I still remember what we were all wearing. I remember what we had for dinner that night. But I don't remember how we got home. I remember waking up crying and Auntie Teddy being there."

"She looked after you," Megan asked.

"Someone had to be there," Alyssa snapped, "who else was going to teach me how to do my hair and make up or how to know if a guy likes me."

"I wanted to do all that with you," Megan tried.

"But that doesn't change it does it," Alyssa asked, "you're my mom. How could you get on that plane and leave me? How could you see me standing on that tarmac with grandma and go anyway?"

"What you did see was me crying the whole flight," Megan said, "that I would sit on my bed every night crying for you. When I would get your letters with the drawings and pictures I cried."

"I still wrote even after," Alyssa admitted, "all through college."

"Can I read them," Megan asked, "Alyssa I want to know."

"I'll put them on the table for Uncle Owen to bring them to you," Alyssa said, "they're in my room at home."

"I get a field trip tomorrow to the house," Megan said, "are you sure you can't stay."

"I can't," Alyssa said, "mom I want to get to know you but I need to do this on my time. I need you to respect me. For you I was always alive and well and you knew I was with grandma and Uncle Owen. I was told you were dead, that the army decided you were dead. This is not something that is easy for me to adapt to. I'm trying, I'm working with my counsellor. I'm doing what I need to and that includes having my boundaries. I will come see you, we can text call and facetime but I won't be around every day."

"What about Faroke," Megan asked.

"If you go to Iraq to be with him you'll have to bring him to visit," Alyssa said, "you go back that's on you to come see me and keep in touch. I will not go there."

"Alyssa," Megan gasped.

"Those are my boundaries," Alyssa said, "I need you to respect it."

Megan paused.

"Mom I need to do it my way," Alyssa said, "I love you and I want to have a relationship. But I'm not the nine year old grandma had to hold back on the tarmac from running to you, the little girl who cried every night for you for a year. I learned that I had to be okay on my own all the time. That I had to be independent."

"I'm sorry Lady Bug," Megan said, "I didn't realise it would teach you that."

"I only started to understand it this spring," Alyssa said, "my ex pointed out a few things. He's an ass but he was right. I'm getting help and working on it. I need help and that means respecting my boundaries."

"I will," Megan assured, "I didn't know."

"I know you didn't," Alyssa said, "and I know you didn't intend to."

"But it still happened," Megan said, "you felt abandoned and unloved and unwanted."

Alyssa nodded.

"Okay," Megan said, "I love you and I want to work on this with you. I need a lot of therapy, Faroke will and it sounds like you're already doing it. Go to work but call me when you get to your place."

"I will," Alyssa said, "it's a saturday afternoon the border will be a nightmare."

"What does the week look like," Megan asked.

"I'm going to work 7-6 Monday to Thursday to catch up and be able to leave early on Friday," Alyssa said, "I have SAR training Monday night from 7-10 and volleyball Tuesday for practice and a game on Thursday."

"I want to see you play," Megan said.

"I have a tournament in Seattle in a month," Alyssa said, "maybe you'll be out of here or can take a field trip?"

"Hopefully," Megan said, "I know you need to go sweet girl. I love you. Drive safe and call when you get home."

"Love you too," Alyssa said, "I will."

That night Owen walked into Megan's room with two shoe boxes.

"New shoes," Megan asked.

"Nope," Owen replied, "Lyss asked me to bring these to you."

"Her letters," Megan asked.

"Yes," Owen said, "I haven't read them and I have no clue what they say. I didn't know she was writing them."

"How," Megan asked.

"I knew there were boxes labelled Mom's Letters on top of her closet," Owen replied, 'but I never looked. I always respected her privacy."

"So you dumb dumb," Megan asked, 'Teddy and Amelia?"

"I was going to end things with Amelia then she told me about the tumour and she comes home tomorrow," Owen replied, "I'm still talking to Teddy everyday but I always have."

"End it with Amelia tumour or no tumour and work it out with Teddy," Megan advised.

"It's not that simple," Owen said, "she's in Germany."

"Long distance," Megan said, "work it out. Be together go to Teddy."

"You need me, Alyssa needs me, mom needs me," Owen said.

"Fix it Owen," Megan said, "I've got my daughter."

"We talked she's not ready," Owen replied, "she's going back to her routine this is good."

"I guess," Megan said, "I wanted her to stay."

"Megan she has a life and a career in Burnaby," Owen said, "she's usually as happy as you ever see Alyssa. Megan give it time and let me handle my own life."

"As far as I can tell the one thing you didn't screw up while I was gone was my daughter," Megan teased.

"She's good," Owen confirmed, "and I haven't screwed everything up."

"Amelia isn't right Owen," Megan said, "gorgeous, smart but not right. She doesn't love you, she hardly came to see me, she doesn't have a relationship with mom or Alyssa."

"I know," Owen replied, "I will end it but not now."

"Then you go to Germany and see Teddy," Megan said, "make it work."

"I'll try," Owen agreed.