So! it's been a bit longer than usual between updates, even for me. sorry for that, I promise I haven't abandoned this story and I will see it through to the end, no matter how long it takes me. alas, between doing final year of uni remotely, and having basically a full-time job on top of that, I didn't really have the time – or the energy – to sit down and write in the last few months, hence why I had to wait till winter break to get this chapter out.
i hope you all have been staying healthy and taking care of yourselves!
finally, Merry Christmas to those who celebrate! have a little treat from me!
potential tw: dealing with grief & mentions of a hysterectomy
Sakura could honestly say she didn't know what to feel once they stepped through Konoha's Main Gates.
On one hand, the tolls in loss of life and sheer destruction suffered were devastating to think about. Even now, Konoha was still in the process of rebuilding after the damage dealt to it by Orochimaru and Pein's invasions, and most of the 'war' as such hadn't even taken place within its walls. Then there was the fact that, as much as she didn't want to think about it, people had died. Ibiki, Shikaku, Ao, countless other shinobi and kunoichi and civilians from all the Villages. Hell, Uchiha Itachi was dead. As was Orochimaru, a man who'd gained part of his legend by chasing immortality.
Yet, on the other hand, Sakura couldn't help but think that it had been…easy. The Fourth Shinobi War, as it was starting to be called, the genuine war part of it, had only lasted around three weeks in total, drawn to a close with a quiet, be-all-end-all battle in Otogakure, from which only two participants had walked away.
Sakura didn't know how she felt about being one of those participants.
She was, she mused, the person with the fullest story of that final battle that had cost Itachi, Obito and Orochimaru their lives. She may have arrived around the midpoint of it, but Sasuke had been dead for most of it.
She didn't know how to feel about that, either.
And then there was Chojuro. And Shikamaru, and Genma, and Anko, and Yuki and all those people she had all but decided to leave behind to go chase a dead man's dream of a Village, but-!
But.
She couldn't deny, not to herself, at least, that every step she took within the gates of Konoha felt like walking into a cage.
"-'ll be by tomorrow, but I think we could all use a shower and some sleep in an actual bed."
Sakura blinked back to awareness, realising bemusedly that she'd somehow ended up in a hospital room, standing next to Chojuro's bed with Shikamaru at her side, and that it had been Shikamaru who'd spoken.
"Are you saying I stink?" Chojuro teased, though it seemed more automatic than genuine, his voice laced with fatigue and grief rather than the usual good humour.
"Yes." Sakura shot back flatly, drawing both boys' eyes onto her. "We all do."
After a moment, Chojuro cracked up, genuine mirth entering his gaze, and Sakura was glad her distraction was read as humour rather than the short-tempered comment it had been. Flicking her eyes to Shikamaru and finding the Nara's attention already on her proved that she was only half-lucky.
"Alright, go, shower, sleep, eat something!" Chojuro shooed them out, settling back onto his pillows with a visible wince. "We'll celebrate some other day."
Sakura smiled woodenly, though she still bent down to press a gentle kiss to Chojuro's grime-streaked cheek, Shikamaru mirroring her a few seconds later. They walked out of Chojuro's room shoulder to shoulder, and once the door closed behind them, Sakura sagged against the wall, feeling drained.
"Wanna tell me what that was about?" Shikamaru asked quietly, his expression clearly worried as he leant on the wall next to her, hand seeking hers and tangling their fingers comfortingly, the action thoughtless. Instinctive.
Sakura felt a lump form in her throat.
"Not today." She managed to croak out, squeezing Shikamaru's hand, trying to convey in the simple touch what she couldn't with words. "But soon."
Shikamaru studied her for a few seconds, dark eyes intent despite the shadows underlining them and the grief etched into the lines around them. Then, he nodded.
"Alright. Go sleep; we can bring some food with us tomorrow and have a hospital dinner date."
Sakura snorted despite herself, then pushed her aching body away from the wall, though she didn't reclaim her hand just yet. "That's a shitty first date. Let's maybe wait until Cho's out of the hospital."
Shikamaru smiled, quicksilver and exhausted but there, and Sakura didn't resist the desire to pull the brunet into a hug by the hold she still had on his hand.
She wrapped her arms around Shikamaru's shoulders, his own going around her waist, and Sakura knew her hold was desperate even as she buried her nose in Shikamaru's neck and let out a shaky breath.
"Thank you for surviving." She murmured against his skin, feeling Shikamaru's hold on her tighten in response.
"Go home, Sakura." He whispered back, his voice hoarse, sounding like he, too, was having trouble talking past the lump in his throat. "You're not making sense."
Sakura hiccoughed a laugh then obligingly pulled away, pressing a kiss to Shikamaru's cheek just like she'd done to Chojuro.
Then, she closed her eyes and looked within herself for that part of her that she was never without, letting the whirl of Hiraishin take her away.
When she landed in their house, Genma was alone and seemed deeply immersed in whatever he was in the process of putting together in the kitchen.
The scene was so…familiar to her, even though it felt like a lifetime ago, that Sakura didn't bother fighting the impulse to walk up to the brunet and hug him from behind, wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing her forehead to the back of his neck.
"Hello to you too." Genma greeted quietly, the words cheerful but weighted with obvious relief, and Sakura had a momentary flash of guilt when she realised how strained she'd allowed their relationship to become in the weeks leading up to the war.
"Hey." Genma called, dragging her attention back to him when he smacked one of the hands she had wrapped around his waist with his spatula, getting some kind of sauce on her skin in the process. "None of that. I can hear you thinking. Go shower, take however much time you need, then come down for food. We can talk then, if you'd like."
Sakura nodded, unable to bring herself to speak past the relief she could feel down to her very bones, but she still didn't immediately release the hug.
Though, seeing as Genma was the third person in less than thirty minutes to tell her to shower, maybe there was some wisdom in the suggestion.
Stepping into her bedroom felt a little surreal. The yellow walls, her green comforter, the obnoxious pink dinosaur she'd gotten from Izumo and Kotetsu what felt like a lifetime ago – though a little less obnoxious now that it'd faded a bit with age – still tucked under the blanket by her pillow. The dozens of photos haphazardly placed around every flat surface. The half-shut box of scrolls she'd raided before she'd left to find Genma on the frontlines, just short of a fortnight earlier.
It felt like she was looking at relics from somebody else's life, for all that it hadn't even been half a year since she'd last lived in this room on a daily basis.
Not really willing to think about that at the moment, Sakura merely grabbed some clean pyjamas and a new towel, then padded up to the bathroom for the much-needed shower.
And oh, was it much needed.
When she was finally done, her skin was more on the 'scalded' side of pink than 'pleasantly warm', but she felt more like the person she had been before.
Before Sasuke messed with her head, before finding out Itachi was still alive, before going to the frontlines, before taking on Obito alongside legends.
She was still exhausted, but she felt the most centred she'd felt in months.
"I thought you'd drowned." Genma greeted her once she came into the kitchen, and he looked a step away from sleeping himself where he sat slumped at the kitchen table.
"'Survived the war, defeated by shower' does sound like a good epitaph." Sakura shot back tiredly, melting into the seat opposite Genma, eyeing the selection of dishes he'd set out with interest.
"You're hilarious." Genma returned dryly, pushing up from the table and settling into a slightly more sat-up position.
"I learnt from the best." She agreed, aiming for an impish grin but only managing a small quirk of the lip.
"Shut up and eat." Genma grouched, though it lacked heat, and there was amusement in his eyes. "Itadakimasu."
Sakura echoed the prayer, then silence fell around them as they focused on the first meal that wasn't field rations they'd had in weeks, while Sakura tried not to overanalyse their stilted banter. It was, if she was being honest, much better than she'd been expecting, given what their relationship had been like in the last few months, but it wasn't the same.
Then again, they probably weren't the same, so perhaps it stood to reason that their dynamic had shifted somewhat. But it was nice. Comforting.
When they were done, Sakura picked up the dishes and carried them to the sink, washing them without comment. Then, she dried her hands and walked over to Genma, who'd fallen back into the boneless slump he'd been in before dinner, though he looked marginally more awake, and grabbed his arm.
Genma came quietly, letting himself be pulled to his feet and pushed onto the sofa, though he was probably expecting Sakura to sit next to him rather than on him.
But Sakura was tired. Tired of holding onto the grudge for the situation that had soured their relationship all those months ago, of trying to pretend that she would've been able to keep going if anything had happened to the man, tired of pretending that she was anything more than a grieving, exhausted teenager.
So she sat herself on Genma's lap, legs stretched on the sofa to his right, arms around his shoulders, her head resting in the crook of his neck.
And then, as Genma's arms wrapped around her waist in turn, far tighter and with far more desperation than his casual air belied, Sakura released a deep, shuddering breath, and with it released the last of the tension from her muscles.
Sakura didn't know how long they sat like that, drawing comfort from each other's warmth, from the steady beat of the other's pulse, and the fact that they had somehow survived a war.
At some point, she must've started crying, because when she briefly returned to awareness her eyes stung and her cheeks felt tight, but she hadn't noticed the exact moment, and her tears had since stopped. Genma's breath had also ceased to catch on every other exhalation, so Sakura was content to keep the hug going until Genma decided to end it.
"I am," Genma murmured after an indeterminate amount of time, his voice hoarse, but steadier than it had been when she'd first walked into the house, "so unbelievably glad that you're alive."
Sakura's breath caught.
When her eyes welled up with tears, she didn't bother keeping them back, just tightened her arms around Genma's shoulders and tried to take deep breaths.
"S-so am I." she managed with a breathy laugh, then her face screwed up again. "And I'm s-sorry, Gen."
When Genma looked ready to butt in, she covered his mouth with her hand and shook her head.
"No, l-let me finish." She demanded, though it wasn't as strong as she'd wanted it to be because she was still crying. "I-I'm sorry for holding on to that stupid grudge, I'm so-orry for making it seem like I was w-willing to throw away years o-o-of working together over one disagreement, I'm sorry f-for not telling you about half the s-shit I was getting into, and I'm sorry for not being there with you immediately when you were sent out to the frontlines!" she sobbed.
A few seconds of silence passed, and then Genma licked her palm, and Sakura snatched it away, a noise between disgust and laughter escaping her.
"You done? Good. So listen." Genma ordered, voice tight, but when Sakura tried to pull back from the hug to look at his face, he moved one of his hands from her waist to her face, covering her eyes and keeping her head pressed to his shoulder.
"I've known for a while that you were going to make me go grey with some of the stuff you get up to. And I agree that the war certainly offered perspective, but that doesn't invalidate your feelings from before. You had every right to be hurt or mad. Did it suck when you avoided me? Yes. Am I going to hold it against you? God, no. You got that?"
Unable to bring herself to speak, Sakura nodded, still sniffling.
They fell into a comfortable silence, and eventually, Sakura's sobs subsided and she was able to relax the death-grip she had around Genma's shoulders. And as she was calming down, something stood out to her, and as she mentally went through all their interactions throughout the years, she realised something.
"I never thanked you." she murmured, reeling with disbelief.
"What are you beating yourself up about now, kid?" Genma groaned, but it was clearly in good humour, though Sakura couldn't appreciate it.
She pulled away from the hug, letting her arms drop and scooting back, until she was sitting on the sofa and could see Genma's face, though her legs were still draped over his lap.
"I never thanked you for sticking by me all these years. Or for offering to teach me way back when we first met, even though I was just some fresh genin with nothing going for me." She smiled wryly.
She could list all the reasons she had to be thankful: Genma had helped her, taught her, housed her, given her a goal and her 'unique motivation' she'd mentioned to Naruto and Sasuke and then stood by her as she set about trying to accomplish it. He'd been with her through it all.
"I could give a full speech about how grateful I am and all the reasons I have for it, but…well. Let's keep it short and sweet: you and I both know that I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. So thank you, Gen. For everything."
Genma just blinked at her for a few seconds, looking stupefied and thrown completely off-balance. Then, his hand flew up to his face and covered his eyes, and his next breath caught on the inhale.
"Goddamnit, Sakura." He cursed, voice breaking on the word.
And Sakura smiled, pulling her legs over so she could fold them under herself instead, and leaned her head against Genma's shoulder, content to be quiet as the brunet tried to get himself under control.
"So," Genma said after some time, clearing his throat, "is now a bad time to ask about the new seal you've acquired?" he asked wryly, index finger tapping gently against the bandages on her wrist.
Sakura froze.
"The bandage was off when I went to fetch you for the Council of Kages. Figured it was better to wait to ask about it, though." Genma offered by means of explanation, and Sakura carefully let out the breath she'd been holding.
This was Genma, she reminded herself. There was no way she would've kept him in the dark about this.
"I…didn't tell the kages everything that happened." She said at last, choosing her words carefully.
Genma didn't look surprised, and she sighed, coming to the most obvious conclusion.
"Kakashi suspected something, didn't he?" she asked dryly, and got a nod and a wry smile. "Well, he was right this time."
She took a minute to collect her thoughts, then decided to hell with it, and began.
"Orochimaru saved my life twice during that battle." She murmured, and because her side was still pressed against Genma's, she felt the moment he stilled, carefully keeping any reaction from his posture.
"He pushed me away from an attack that would've killed me, and then healed my injuries in his last moments. I would've died if it hadn't been for him." She continued, and this she knew to be true. She'd barely escaped with her life with his healing – she had no doubts she wouldn't have managed to do the same without it.
"Before he died, he gave me this seal." she swallowed, and with a flicker of chakra, she drew her finger down her arm, and the bandages fell away, revealing the tattoo-like snake etched into her skin.
She took a deep breath.
"And with it…he gave me Otogakure."
Though he was silent and his body was still, Genma's chakra gave away his shock, and Sakura smiled wryly, even as her eyes stung, though she seemed to have ran out of tears to cry.
"He called me his legacy." She informed Genma, her voice no louder than a whisper. "Told me to do with the village what he could not."
Slowly, Genma relaxed, and when he sighed, it sounded resigned, but distantly amused.
"When do you leave?" he asked, and Sakura startled, jerking her gaze from the seal on her wrist to the brunet's face.
Genma laughed at her shock, and he managed to look both, sad and proud at the same time.
"Sakura, you haven't had any loyalty to Konoha as such in years." He told her frankly. "Sure, you could live comfortably in either Mist or Suna, you've made that clear, but this would be a real fresh start. You're much too clever and opportunistic to pass that up."
Sakura studied him for a few more seconds, but she found no lie to his open, if slightly sad, smile.
"You're…taking this remarkably well." she mused, prompting another quiet laugh.
"People outgrow parts of their life." He pointed out with a shrug. "Some outgrow friends, others jobs, lovers…You had to be difficult and outgrow the Village, but the principle applies."
He smiled and reached out to wrap an arm around her shoulders, pulling her to his side again.
"And, kid, if building up Otogakure to a Village that can rival the Shinobi Nations will make you happy, then I will support you."
Sakura melted against Genma's side, letting her burning eyes fall shut.
"I don't deserve you." she managed shakily, feeling overwhelmed with relief and love and gratitude. "I've never deserved you."
"You're being an idiot again." Genma murmured against her hair and Sakura snorted wetly, unable to help herself, and continued soaking in her partner's warmth.
Eventually though, Genma shifted, lifting his arm and reaching over to grab one of their throw blankets from the pouf.
"C'mon kid, I'm old and exhausted and emotionally drained, I'm ordering nap time." He shuffled so he could stretch his legs and lie back comfortably on the sofa, lifting the blanket meaningfully and raising an expectant eyebrow at where she still sat frozen. "Now get up here and cuddle me."
Sakura was more than happy to comply, scrambling under the blanket and curling herself into Genma's side.
She was asleep before the blanket even fully settled around them.
When Sakura next came to, she had no real approximation for how much time had passed. She was still on the sofa though, swaddled in the throw blanket, and she could feel Genma nearby, likely at the kitchen table.
She groaned, her throat dry, her mouth feeling like something had died in it and began to decompose, and her eyelids felt like they weighed a tonne when she tried to pry them open.
"Welcome back to the land of the living." Genma's voice drifted over to her, far too cheerful for her tastes, so she dug out a hand from the cocoon she'd ended up in and flipped him off.
The bastard only laughed in response.
"You've been asleep for a day and a half, give yourself a moment." He seemed to take pity on her, and Sakura ceased her wiggling to get out from under the blanket for a moment as the words registered.
Huh. So she really had been tired.
"Shikamaru came by a few hours ago, asking if you're going to the hospital to visit Chojuro. But seeing as you'd been dead to the world for almost twenty-four hours at that point, I told him you'd go get him before you next go visit." Genma informed her, and Sakura made a noise she hoped was close enough to a 'thank-you' the brunet would know what she meant, and finally managed to get her eyes to open.
Genma was indeed at the kitchen table, a covered-up bowl of something to his left, and he was scribbling something in his notebook, pausing occasionally to squint at the scroll he had spread out in front of him.
When she sat up, he wordlessly held out the bowl to her, spoon balanced precariously on top of the dish.
"Eat something. Your stomach was rumbling loud enough to wake me up." He ordered lightly, not taking his eyes off of whatever he was reading.
Sakura all but inhaled the soup.
When she was done, she stretched her legs and slowly pushed to her feet, meandering to the sink for a glass of water and to wash the few dishes that had gathered there.
"What's the plan for today?" she asked once she was done drying her hands, turning to look at Genma expectantly.
Genma shrugged. "Was planning to see Rai, maybe hunt down Gai too at some point. Could do with grocery shopping, unless we wanna start eating rations while at home."
"Exciting." Sakura deadpanned, drawing a snort from Genma, who mirrored her earlier action and flipped her off. Before silence could fall between them again, Sakura decided to voice the thought that had taken root in her mind at Genma's words. "You should invite them over."
"Hm?" Genma hummed, barely looking up from his reading, though Sakura didn't let that deter her.
"Raido, Eri-san, Kei. Aoba. Maybe Izumo and Kotetsu, if they're around, too." She explained, thinking out loud and adding people as she went.
Genma paused, then turned his attention fully to her, reading momentarily forgotten. "Any particular reason?"
It was Sakura's turn to shrug.
"It'd be nice to see everyone. And I think it might be good for everyone's, y'know." She tapped her temple meaningfully. "Grounding, in a way."
When Genma just hummed, she continued on with her spontaneous 'guest list'.
"Iwashi?" she offered absently, nearly startling when Genma shook his head, looking away and swallowing roughly, and Sakura's expression crumpled. There was only one reason for that reaction, and her heart ached at the mere thought.
"Um," she tried again, blinking rapidly and trying to speak past the sudden lump in her throat, "then green-jumpsuit man? Gai-san? Oh, and you have to invite Kakashi." She added, aiming for some levity, and Genma chuckled roughly.
"You just wanna see the chaos that would create, admit it." He laughed, and Sakura shot him a grin, unrepentant. "Alright, I see your point. You gonna invite anyone?"
"Probably Shikamaru. I'd like to see if the nurses will let senpai leave the hospital for an afternoon. And," she paused, eyeing Genma curiously, "would you mind if I invited Yuki?"
Genma blinked.
"Why would I mind?" he asked, genuinely puzzled.
Sakura frowned, thinking back to the few interactions she'd witnessed between her partner and the Kiri-nin.
"Because you always seemed a bit – I dunno, apprehensive, I guess? – when I talked about spending time with him."
Genma sent her a flat look, but when her frown didn't fade, he sighed.
"Kid, he was an assassin who made it into the Bingo Book in his tweens, in the times of the Bloody Mist at that, then survived long enough to fade into near-on obscurity and live past his twentieth birthday." His tone as he explained was patient, if a tad long-suffering, and Sakura was beginning to feel a little sheepish.
"No matter how capable, you were a fresh chunin who'd grown up in times of peace when you started 'spending time with him'." Sakura snorted at the way Genma wiggled his fingers in a mockery of inverted commas at that last part. "You don't survive that long and come out unscathed, not to mention that Kiri isn't exactly known for producing mentally stable shinobi in the first place."
"Alright." Sakura nodded, cringing a little, though she could see his point. "But?"
Because there must've been a but. Must've been something that changed his opinion, or proved Yuki was at least somewhat trustworthy.
Genma snorted. "But it was difficult to remain hostile when I repeatedly saw you casually use the man as a pillow, or saw how completely at ease you were around him. I trust your judgement, Sakura, and you've rarely been wrong when it came to people."
"…Oh." Sakura managed weakly, and Genma snickered when her traitorous cheeks heated up.
"Okay, this might actually be a good idea." Genma admitted, taking mercy on her embarrassed state. "But if we're planning on ten-odd people, plus the two of us, I need to con Rai into letting us host it at his house, or we're gonna have to go out and buy a bigger kitchen table." He added, looking reluctantly amused.
Sakura eyed their kitchen critically. The apartment her and Genma lived in was barely big enough for two grown people to live comfortably, much less for twelve shinobi to be able to squeeze into the kitchen or living room and not feel like sardines.
"Yeah, no, conning Raido into hosting it is." She agreed decisively, and Genma laughed at her words. "That's your job. I'll get the groceries and help Eri-san with the cooking."
"And visit Anko." Genma added, shooting her a knowing look, and Sakura cringed again.
"Shut up." She grumbled, throwing the tea towel at his head, which he ducked with ease. "I'm not going to leave without telling her."
"No," Genma agreed easily, though his gaze was weighted and knowing, and Sakura cursed the fact that he knew her this well, "but you will procrastinate the conversation until you physically can't anymore. So, I'm intervening. Go talk to Anko before you do anything else. And get your full physical while you're in the hospital. I'll handle the guest list."
Sakura stared Genma down, but he didn't budge, and, deep down, she didn't particularly want him to, knowing he was right.
Subsiding will ill grace, Sakura sighed and blew a raspberry at her partner, before she headed in the direction of the bathroom for a shower.
Maybe, once showered and a bit more awake, the conversation she was about to have wouldn't feel like a guillotine hanging over her head.
Medical appointment first, though. That wouldn't count as procrastinating, right?
"I'm sorry, dearie. I've scheduled your procedure for a week from today, at noon. Normally, I'd like to do it sooner, but the hospital is very busy right now, and I've made sure your injury isn't life-threatening." The nurse told her, patting her upper arm gently in consolation. "Do you want me to book you an appointment with Yamanaka-san? He's listed as your therapist in your file."
Two hours after Sakura had left the house found her staring blankly at the nurse, the woman's earlier announcement looping through her head, the words barely making sense.
"Shiranui-chan?" the nurse checked when Sakura remained motionless and unresponsive, concern tinging her voice, though Sakura barely heard it.
She'd known, vaguely, that Obito had done her a lot of damage when he'd torn her abdomen apart with his knife.
She'd also known that Orochimaru had saved her life, but the man had been far from a medic-nin, while the patch-up she'd received after the battle had been far from thorough.
She just hadn't put two and two together.
"Ah." The nurse murmured, knowing and resigned. "You're in shock, dear. Try to take deep breaths, okay? Can you do that for me?"
Sakura wondered whether all medics were patronising like this one, or whether they actually thought that talking to her like she was a child was comforting.
She winced at her own thoughts, her hand moving almost woodenly to rest over her lower abdomen.
Was it normal to grieve something she'd never properly thought about?
"Very normal." The nurse assured her, and Sakura startled, chagrined when she realised she'd spoken out loud. "You're still young, it's natural you haven't thought about it. But however much it might feel like it right now, this isn't the end of the world for you. There are other options."
Sakura couldn't deal with that attitude right now.
"-I think I'm going to be sick." She croaked, and the nurse quickly got to her feet, stepping out of the room to – probably – grab a bin for her to do just that.
But Sakura didn't wait – the moment the nurse turned her back to her, she focused on Genma's chakra in her seal and pulled.
She didn't land in their house, though it took her a moment to realise that.
"Kid?" Genma asked, and Sakura flinched, which only seemed to make him more concerned. "What happened? Did you go to the hospital? What did they say? Are you alright?"
Normally, Sakura would've found his clear concern and the way he bombarded her with questions touching, but she could barely hear what he was saying, much less appreciate it. She felt like she was underwater, her hearing muted, her senses dulled.
Shock, the nurse had said.
She couldn't even explain why she was so rattled, but she was. Still, she wrestled with the fog in her mind to open her mouth and answer Genma's question, because he was looking more and more concerned.
"I'm alright." She managed belatedly, though the fact that she hadn't moved a muscle since she'd landed in Raido and Eri's kitchen rather disproved her claim.
"Physically." She added wryly, gaze sweeping over Genma and Raido's frozen forms, to where Eri was sitting on the sofa, Kei mysteriously missing, and Sakura hated herself for being glad for it. "I'll have to go back to the hospital next week, though."
Genma's confusion was palpable, despite the fact that she still wasn't looking at him.
"Why-?" he started to say, but Sakura didn't think she could stomach the full explanation, wasn't even sure she had an explanation, so she merely grabbed the bottom of her shirt and lifted it up slightly.
Genma sucked in a breath at the sight of the scar that ran diagonally over her lower abdomen, the ugly, jagged line stretching all the way from around her right kidney to her left hip. But even once his shock at her injury began to fade, his confusion didn't.
It was Eri-san who got it, though.
"Oh, sweetie." She sighed, and then she was pushing Genma out of the way and sweeping Sakura into a hug, deceptively strong arms wrapping around her waist.
Sakura, almost a head taller than Eri, slumped down until she could press her face into the other woman's neck and let herself be comforted.
They stood there for seconds or minutes, Sakura couldn't tell, but when she made herself pull away, her face was wet, though she couldn't recall crying.
"Genma, Rai, you're in charge of dinner and picking Kei-chan up from school. I'm stealing Sakura-chan for the rest of the day." Eri declared in a no-nonsense tone, then tugged Sakura by the arm out of the room, pausing only briefly to tug on her shoes, then out the door.
Sakura let Eri pull her along, feeling slightly more human after having cried, and comforted by the fact that the older woman had understood without needing an explanation. She doubted she would've been able to give one if Eri hadn't understood.
She smiled despite everything when Eri stopped in front of Sakura's favourite dango shop, and she settled down at one of the corner tables already feeling better than she had leaving the hospital.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Eri asked quietly, after rattling off a random order to the waiter, and Sakura tried for a slightly more natural smile.
'Do you want to', not 'tell me' or 'you have to talk about it'. Maybe it was the wording, maybe it was because this was Eri and not some nameless nurse, or maybe it was the fact that Sakura's brain was already making plans in the background for how to deal with this development, but she found the idea of talking less revolting with every second that passed.
"I've been injured many times." She began quietly, barely louder than a whisper, fiddling with one of the napkins on the table. "In many different ways. But…it's never been something unfixable."
Eri just nodded, and Sakura loved the woman a little more for not interrupting her.
"I think I was just shocked." She admitted after a few more seconds, starting to tear the napkin into tiny pieces. "It's not like we talked about it with Shika and Cho, we've barely been together for a year and we haven't even-! Um. Yet."
She snuck a glance at Eri, who nodded knowingly and smiled, half sly, half reassuring, and Sakura was relieved she didn't have to spell out s-e-x, though her cheeks still burned.
"But I like kids." She continued after her blush died down a little.
"I love Kei-chan, and in Mist, I always spent some time with the Academy students there, and I've told you about Yoshiro-kun. Even Genma once commented that I'm good with them." Sakura sighed, pausing in her rant when the waiter dropped off their platter with over a dozen dango sticks, and abandoned her shredded napkin in favour of nabbing a stick of hanami dango.
"I don't know." She rounded it up, adding a shrug and a helpless 'what can you do' look at Eri. "I never properly thought about it. I guess I just always assumed it'd be something I'd get around to when I'm, y'know, 'older'." she used the hand not holding her skewer to wiggle her fingers when she said 'older', then scowled. "But now I can't."
"It's always hard when your option to choose is taken away." Eri agreed easily, and Sakura nodded, because that was her exact issue.
They sat in silence for a bit, getting through the stack of dango at a leisurely pace, and when they were finished, Eri reached out and covered Sakura's hand with hers.
"Sakura-chan, everyone would take some time to bounce back from news like this, so don't worry if you're not immediately better." She assured, and Sakura smiled, nodding her acknowledgement of the advice. "But also, you'd be the first to know that blood isn't the only thing that makes a family."
Sakura blinked, surprised at the non-sequitur.
"You've told me of your relationship with little Yoshiro-kun before, and I've heard Genma's bewildered tales of how Kirigakure's kage likes you. I don't think she'd deny you if you asked to adopt that boy."
Sakura would readily admit to gaping at Eri, her jaw metaphorically hitting the table at the woman's words. She…hadn't thought of that.
Then, she laughed, startled and disbelieving.
"You're sneakier than all of us combined, Eri-san." She told the civilian woman with a grin that was only a little forced, and got a smile in response.
"I have a five-year-old and a shinobi husband, Sakura-chan." Eri said sagely, patting her hand. "I have to be sneaky if I want to keep them in line."
When Sakura just laughed again, Eri let go of her hand and pulled out her wallet, rifling through it for the money they owed.
"And if you want me to come with you for your hysterectomy, all you need to do is ask." She added, not looking up from her wallet to give Sakura the privacy to wince at the reminder of what lay at the root of this whole situation.
"But for now," Eri continued, pulling out the money and laying it on the table, then looking up to shoot Sakura a small smile, "how do you feel about some shopping?"
And, for the first time in her life, Sakura found herself looking forward to a shopping spree.
When she got back home that evening, she was relaxed enough that she could stomach giving Genma a brief, factual explanation of the situation.
And she managed not to cry once he swept her up into a hug and refused to let go for a solid five minutes. Then, he brought out their dusty shogi board and proceeded to wipe the floor with her in two games, before Sakura got her shit together and forgot about the situation enough to give as good as she was getting.
The next morning, she got up earlier than usual, early enough that even Genma wasn't awake yet, and headed to the hospital.
The tired-looking receptionist only blinked at her when she asked for directions to Anko's room, but after the brief pause, obligingly rattled off the floor and room number.
Still, Sakura was decidedly not expecting to let herself into Anko's room and find her senpai already awake, and more than that, snorting indulgently at Yuki who was sitting cross-legged at the foot of her bed.
Both jounin turned to her when she entered, Anko surprised, Yuki with unrestrained delight on his face.
"Pinky-chan!" he greeted enthusiastically, but Sakura was more focused on Anko.
Her senpai looked…on the verge of tears, actually.
"…senpai?"
Anko sniffled, then angrily wiped at her nose and gestured impatiently at her. "Come here and hug me already you brat."
Sakura hastened to do just that.
They didn't let go for a good five minutes. Yuki surprisingly didn't interrupt, and Sakura was content to just soak in Anko's presence. Even if the angle of the hug was a little awkward since Anko was lying flat on her back, head barely elevated by the pillow, and Sakura was leaning a little uncomfortably over her senpai while also trying not to crush her, it was the best she'd felt since she'd talked everything out with Genma.
"Thank you for not dying." Anko mumbled into Sakura's neck, the words so muffled that Sakura nearly didn't catch them.
But she did, and she drew back slightly from the hug to shoot Anko the closest approximation she could manage of her usual sly smile.
"And miss the chance to annoy you every day of my life?" she asked teasingly, drawing a snort from Yuki and a scowl from Anko. "Never."
"You're a pest." Anko huffed, but rather tellingly didn't loosen her arms from Sakura's neck.
"Love you too, senpai." She shot back, then poked Anko's forearm a few times, because her shoulder was starting to cramp.
When Anko grudgingly released her from the hug, Sakura moved towards the foot of the bed and wrapped her arms around Yuki as well, his position on the bed putting them at roughly the same height.
"Thank you for looking after her." She murmured into Yuki's shoulder, feeling his arms tighten around her in response, before releasing.
"Someone had to do the rounds while you were off in dreamland." He teased back, and Sakura smiled, glad to see that Anko's friendship with Yuki went both ways.
When she stepped back, Yuki shuffled on the bed, patting the spot next to him for her to claim, which she did, settling against the footboard of the bed, her thigh mostly pressed against Yuki's, both of them facing Anko expectantly.
"Alright, kid." Anko called, waving vaguely in Yuki's direction. "Ice bitch over here has done his best to bring me up to speed with what went on in the 'war', but I've been made aware that you're the only surviving witness of the big battle. So, spill. What nonsense did you get into this time?"
Sakura took a deep breath, and studied Anko for a minute, then switched her attention to Yuki, who met her gaze with a curious look.
Satisfied, Sakura nodded to herself and released the breath she was holding. She slid off the bed and onto the floor, rifling through her hammerspace seal until she produced the silencing tag Genma had copied from ANBU. She stuck it down on the linoleum floor, activating it with the barest trace of chakra, then climbed back onto the bed, and steeled herself.
Then, she told them.
She told them of going to join Genma on the frontlines, of the devastation they caused, then of the message she received from Orochimaru, which Anko informed her she'd also received. She told them of arriving to Otogakure, of the chaos that had met her, of the state of the battle when she'd arrived, then how everything had progressed. She didn't leave out a single detail, the words falling from her lips like an avalanche, impossible to stop, though she stumbled when she got to the moment she'd woken up to Orochimaru healing her.
To mention Oto now, or not yet?
She decided against it and moved on to using Ibiki's summon, then Kakashi and Genma's arrival, and waking up in the medical tents. She told them about her conversation with Naruto and Sasuke, and then the Kage meeting and everything she'd been asked then. She kept talking until she got to the moment she'd walked through the Gates of Konoha, her voice hoarse at that point, and tried to put into words the feeling of wrongness as she walked through the Village.
She stopped only when her voice cracked, and Yuki was kind enough to lean over to Anko's bedside table and pour her a glass of water, which Sakura accepted with a grateful smile.
"And the seal tattoo?" Yuki asked, and Sakura almost choked on her water, not having expected the question.
"Seal tattoo?" Anko echoed immediately, scrutinising Sakura's entire body before her gaze landed on the bandages around her wrist. "Wanna elaborate?"
Sakura shifted uncomfortably, leaning down from the bed – and almost falling off of it – to place the now-empty glass on the floor, before she sat back up and met her senpai's eyes.
Well. The point of coming here had been to bring Anko up to speed on everything. The fact that Yuki was also in the room was a bonus though.
"Uh, yeah." Sakura replied, rather eloquently if she did say so herself. Then, she fiddled with the bandage until she managed to unwrap it and showed her wrist to Anko, deciding to rip the metaphorical band-aid off in one go.
"Orochimaru gave me Otogakure."
Anko and Yuki stared at her in stupefied silence for a few seconds.
"Gave, as in…?" Yuki asked after a few seconds, and Sakura couldn't help the fond smile that pulled at her lips, because there was surprise, yes, slight wariness, too, but no doubt or hostility, and she felt a weight ease off her shoulders.
"As in, I'm its leader now. His successor, if you would." She clarified, far more blasé than she had been with Genma, and realisation dawned in Yuki's eyes.
"The 'legacy' you wanted my help in upholding?" He guessed, and Sakura frowned as she tried to remember what he was referring to, then nodded once it occurred to her, because those had been the words she'd used.
"You're actually going to do it, aren't you?" Anko murmured, drawing Sakura and Yuki's attention onto her, and she looked…wryly amused, but also worried.
"Senpai?" Sakura checked, because that expression rarely appeared on Anko's face – it looked far more like what Genma usually looked like when he learned of her various shenanigans, and seeing it on Anko was…disconcerting, to say the least.
"I'm not…surprised, not really." Anko assured, but she still seemed like her mind was far-away, not really in the moment, even though her eyes were clear and focused on Sakura, an odd half-smile playing on her lips.
"You have always been my student." She added, an unexpected smugness in her voice, then she shot an amused look at Yuki. "And his too, I suppose, even if not in any official capacity."
To Sakura's surprise, Yuki reciprocated with a similarly sharp smile. "Didn't need to be. Pinky was sharp enough to pick up what I had to offer even if we never called it 'teaching'. I doubt she even realised she was doing it."
Sakura blinked, not sure she was following the conversation anymore. "Uh?"
But Yuki just laughed. "Point."
Anko rolled her eyes, her earlier weirdly nostalgic mood gone as she pinned Sakura with a sharp look.
"Being willing to take up sensei's mantle is one thing, but the logistics are another. How are you going to do it? Last I checked, you can't exactly lead a Village while being a serving shinobi of another, and Genma would kill you if you went rogue now."
Sakura sighed, relaxing slightly. While Genma's wholehearted acceptance and unhesitant comfort was nice, she'd always been partial to Anko's vicious practicality, and that hadn't changed with the war.
"I'm going to cash in on a couple of favours." She told her senpai honestly, because she'd had the whole journey from Oto to Konoha to think about her strategy, and it was a relief to finally be able to talk about it.
"I hope they're favours of comparable weight to the one that led to us sharing a summons, otherwise you better start talking, brat." Anko ordered, though both she and Yuki looked more amused and intrigued than exasperated.
Like this was a perfectly reasonable explanation. Like they'd expected it from her.
"Well…Tsunade told Sasuke to meet her in a month, which means she's going to pass on the hat in the next three weeks. Neji is the most obvious choice, and he owes me for getting him the gig shadowing Shikaku during the Kage Summit." She shrugged, ignoring Anko's disbelieving snort at her explanation.
"Though she might give it to Kakashi, both to fuck with him and because Neji's still 'young'. Kakashi doesn't owe me anything outwardly, but I'm pretty sure I could just allude to my genin and chunin days and he'd do anything I asked." She added after a moment's consideration, and Yuki actually laughed.
"So, cash in favour with new kage to get me released from my vows. Easy." She drawled, exchanging amused looks with Anko. "And even if Neji or Kakashi say no, I'm still an official citizen of Suna and Kiri. I will never be properly rogue."
"Y'know, I think that's something only six people in the world could say so casually." Yuki pointed out dryly, nudging her with his thigh. "Excuse us if we don't immediately think of it."
"You're excused." Sakura shot back, patting Yuki's thigh as condescendingly as she could manage, laughing when he stuck his tongue out at her in response.
"Anyway, trade deals for Oto are key, because from what Karin's been telling me, it's mostly survived on Orochimaru sending troops to loot or absorb the neighbouring independent villages, and that's not a sustainable financial plan." She continued, frowning in thought. "So I'll pull in favours with Gaara and Mei to get that going; if they 'like me' like everyone's saying they do, then that should be enough. If not, then I can think of a few things to persuade Mei, though Gaara might be a bit more difficult. We'll see."
"And how do you plan to 'persuade' the Mizukage to give you her best assassin as a loyal lapdog?" Anko asked, scepticism dripping from her words, and Yuki mimed barking, though the wink he sent her showed that he was far more entertained than insulted.
Sakura blinked at her senpai at the question, because honestly, did they think her that unprepared?
"A trade." She told them slowly. "One of Orochimaru's entourage when he came to Konoha after the Summit was a Hozuki. He wants to collect all Seven Swords, so I gave him Kubikiribocho before he left. It shouldn't be difficult to persuade him to go to Mist for a year or two, get a feel of the place under Mei's rule."
"And I stay with you however long he chooses to stay?" Yuki checks, catching onto her train of thought seamlessly, then grinning when she nodded.
"You really are dango-chan's student." He laughed, though he sounded proud, which wasn't the usual tone people took when they said the same about her. "The Snake chose his successor well."
Sakura felt her cheeks grow warm at the comment, then whipped around to face Yuki when a thought occurred to her.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't even ask you if you want to come with me, I just assumed-!" she was cut off by a finger over her lips, and looked up at Yuki's long-suffering, though fond expression.
It was Anko who spoke, though.
"You're one of three people in the world the bastard actually likes, Sakura." She snorted, though her tone was as long-suffering as Yuki looked. "He'd follow you to the ends of the earth if you asked."
"Have some consideration for the secrets you spill, dango-chan." Yuki chastised, though it was obvious to the two of them that his indignation was only for show. "My flee-on-sight status in Kumo's Bingo Book might get revoked if it gets out that my weakness has pink-hair."
"I'm pretty sure I'm in the Kumo Bingo Book, too." Sakura mused, because this conversation was ridiculous enough as it was, so she might as well join, right? "They might think it justified and attribute it to your common sense instead."
"According to this one," he jerked his thumb at Anko, who huffed, but didn't interrupt, "I don't have any."
"Well-!" Sakura began, then actually paused to review everything she knew about Yuki. Yuki who, multiple times, all but broke into another Hidden Village. Who took sparring with anything short of lethal force as a personal insult. Who wore 'kiss the cook' aprons when surrounded by foreign jounin. Who reacted to Sakura's worst, most traumatising genjutsu with unbridled joy.
"-I might have to agree with senpai on this one." She finished meekly, making Yuki pout even as Anko laughed at his expense.
"But you do want to come with me, right?" Sakura pressed, because she needed a straight answer from Yuki, her worry not yet eased, even with Anko's claim. "Of your own volition?"
And Yuki just looked at her, fond and exasperated and amused, and nodded. "Yes, pinky-chan. God help me, but I do."
"You're crazy, kid." Anko sighed, also far more fond than Sakura was used to from her senpai. "Completely off your shit."
"But you love me anyway, right?" Sakura teased, though even she heard the undercurrent of uncertainty in her words, and nearly cringed, because she hadn't meant to interrupt the light-hearted tone with her insecurities, but she couldn't deny needing the reassurance.
"I do." Anko replied, providing that reassurance without hesitation, likely able to tell just how much Sakura needed it.
"God help me, but I do." She added, echoing Yuki's earlier words. "Now tell us how Genma reacted to your news, because that's bound to be hilarious."
And as Sakura hastened to do just that, making sure to embellish the story a little, she felt the last of the anxiety that had clung to her since the 'war' ease.
True, she still had to run through this conversation with Cho and Shikamaru, and though her plan for dealing with the Oto situation seemed rather straightforward, she knew that it didn't mean it would be easy to implement, but for now, she was content.
In this moment, squished on a narrow hospital bed with Yuki and Anko, ignoring how hoarse her voice was as she launched into her story for the purpose of getting the other two to laugh, the future, whatever it might bring, couldn't touch her.
In this moment, she was happy.