we all (have a) hunger
A/N: So I gave Calvi a name, among other things. I missed writing this, and I hope y'all missed reading it!
At heart, Zeke Yeager believes he is a hedonist.
"One would think the Beast would be more animal than man."
Alternatively, primal urges and primal encounters.
At heart, Nicolai Calvi believes this was not the Titan that was promised. At least, this was not the Titan that was mentioned in Roth's reports. Roth had claimed this was the Ancient Colossal, the first and primary Titan from which all the Colossus had originated from. The report also claimed it was a fountainhead of knowledge, the Chronicler and Archivist of The Walls, of Eldia. It was the Burning Behemoth of the Devil Herself. It was a monster, a god in physical form, the very Titan that brought Marley's airships down to earth in crash after fiery crash.
The longer he looks at the woman running under the Macquarie sun, the more he begins to think that she is not the bearer of that Titan. The longer he looks at the woman's weary and sweat-stricken face, the more he is convinced that she is just an ordinary soldier brought to fool them all. Maybe she had an ordinary Titan, maybe she had their Colossal– Roth had produced no proof of it, after all, only claims and high praise for the woman who was brought to them limbless. Back then, Calvi had thought that this woman devoured both the Colossus and the Female Titan, and wanted nothing but to see it for himself.
(But he knows cutting her open and taking out her organs one by one would do nothing. After all, these monsters and these beasts look just like him.)
"That's enough." Theo Magath yells from the other side of the field.
And like a trained dog, the woman halts and straightens herself into a formal salute. He watches as Magath approaches her, but doesn't care to know what she is being told. She has shown consistently "good enough" results that all this training feels unnecessary and redundant. There is no point in training her as a soldier in the Marleyan army because she is a Titan. There is no point in prolonging her stay here in Macquarie when she could very well be used already.
Calvi closes his eyes and leans up to face the sun.
(He imagines explosion after explosion, that the heat he feels on his face comes from the burning aftermath of the Titan's power and not the distant sun.)
"General." Magath approaches him, "What shall we have her do?"
They are both aware that she's completed the basic regimen at half the normal time–she's a soldier, after all–and what ought to be expected of their Eldian soldiers after completion is to be sent straight to the battlefield. Whether as diggers, bombers, or frontline infantrymen, they are sent straight to the battlefield to die for the glory of their great and gracious Fatherland. Yes, Eldians are sent there to die, and better there in the field than in Marley. That way, they wouldn't have to bother with burials and funerals.
"The council has yet to make the decision," He says, not looking at the other man, "whether it is to stay here or be delivered elsewhere."
"Understood, sir."
Calvi doesn't know why the Marleyan War Council hesitates or why they so easily gave into the ambitious suggestions of Jonathan Roth and his daughter. If Calvi had anything to say about it, he'd say Roth is not simply eyeing to become the Emperor's aide but to become the emperor himself. Ever since he'd known the man, Jonathan always aimed higher than anyone else, even Calvi himself. If Calvi had a callous kind of calculating, then Jonathan had something that was much more valuable. He was predictive, almost as if he had an insight into the future, which made him extremely important to the intelligence branch, and in turn made him valuable to the decades' long operation to retrieve the Founding Titan.
The operation ultimately resulted in a near-disbandment of the Warrior Unit and Calvi's own furious humiliation, but–and he still refuses to acknowledge this–only because of Roth's own daughter that they were sparred this punishment. It was Jonathan's young daughter, raised in the walls of Paradis, who had brought to them, not the Founding Titan, but the closest of its kin.
(The likelihood of Jonathan's daughter inheriting her father's intellect should be obvious, and it makes Calvi's blood boil over for his own children whose achievements in the Marley are dwarfed by a singular feat of this woman.)
He looks at Magath and notices the man's uncertainty.
"Do you trust it?"
Magath's uncertainty morphs into confusion.
"The Titan."
Magath nods.
"She is still amicable, sir."
Still?
"She does as she's told and asks for nothing but to take... walks."
"Walks?" Calvi gives one mirthless laugh at the statement.
He is aware that the Titan is no longer constantly accompanied by guards nor are its hands always bound by lock and key. It is free now, but only as free and he, Magath, and the council allow it to be, so he doesn't really find it so odd that its holder takes walks. Macquarie is peaceful enough if one thinks of it as an escape from the cities of Marley instead of a military training field. It is a barren desert, yes, but it is a place where there is little need for lights at night as the moon and its stars shine bright.
(It's almost ironic, he thinks, how the moon and the stars still shine down on the most barren and empty places.)
"Yeager accompanies her."
Ah.
Now, Calvi has become interested. What could this mean? Had the holder invited him, or had he simply invited himself? Do they talk? If so, why about? Are they friends now? If so, when did it start? If it was any other soldier, Calvi wouldn't even think anything of it, but because it's the right-hand of the Founder, it's only understandable that he's suddenly curious and even partly jealous.
"And what do they talk about?"
Calvi refuses to believe that Yeager would accompany the Ancient in silence.
"Nothing to note of, General." Magath replies.
Calvi stares Magath in the eyes, refusing to believe it. Yeager had always been a charismatic individual, and that became more apparent as he'd risen up the ranks to become the once-celebrated War Chief. He'd charm the military and use his title to easily impress the unassuming nobility, and Calvi had witnessed this a few times, much to his chagrin. If Yeager had been using the same sort of tactic to worm his way into the Ancient's graces, what for?
"So they talk about the weather?" Calvi goads the man, "The food? Or do they perhaps trade stories from their childhoods?"
Magath stammers.
(Calvi knows that if there is anyone not to be trusted, it is the boy he'd practically raised himself.)
"General–"
"When it comes to Yeager, there is always something about him." He narrows his eyes, "You'd best remember that, Theo."
(Calvi rarely ever uses Magath's first name, rarely uses anyone's given name in fact. As a man, he'd been born twice, the first by his mother and the second by the gun. On his second birth, he'd taught himself to learn people by their titles, that names mean nothing to the battlefield, and even less in blazing, bitter death.)
"Understood, sir." Magath salutes him, "I had my men follow them, and they've only spoken of the Ancient's visions."
Calvi grimaces internally, Magath ought to have told him this earlier! Then neither of them would have wasted seconds of their lives earlier.
"Its visions?"
He'd heard of Titan shifters hallucinating during the day and fending off nightmares in their sleep, and knows these are the "memories" of the previous holder. What knowledge and experience the previous holder has are shared with the current holder in bits and pieces, and it is only very rare that everything is shared so easily. That was the case for the Jaw Titan, with the younger Galliard brother having little success with summoning the memories of its previous holder, the enigmatic and nameless woman the Eldians had called Ymir. If that wasn't the case for the current holder of the Ancient Titan, however, then Calvi can admit that Yeager is a half-step ahead of him.
(But only half, as Calvi had surmised at the start, that if Yeager had been aiming to approach the holder of the Ancient Colossal to gather information, he will get nothing. The fact that Yeager looks to accompany the holder during its walks is proof of this. If not outright refusal, then surely the holder is hesitant in pursuing a "friendship" with the Boy Wonder.)
"Macquarie wasn't always a desert, it seems," Magath replies wistfully, "and in its canyons once flowed a network of rivers. The Titan has shown her sights of the past, often idyllic and unremarkable scenes of everyday life. Nothing much to note, besides what the Titan speaks of her mother."
"And you report this only now?"
"There is little merit to what she has discovered so far."
"So far?" He clears his throat, "Need I remind you of what she'd done?"
"No, General, but–"
"Why have you reported this only now?"
Magath steels himself, and Calvi has seen this from the man numerous times. Magath is a soldier through and through, and there ought to be substantial reason for this. He is never distracted, never careless, so why? Why does he hesitate? Why is he waiting? What does he not yet know?
"The Titan rejects her."
Impossible.
Magath takes his silence as an approval to continue, "It... refuses to cooperate. It mocks her. She says it continually seeks out her mother. In her dreams, the visions she sees are of her mother's, the memories through her mother's eyes."
Her mother?
"That is all she ever sees, whether in her sleep or during the day. They are... interesting, to say the least."
Her mother?
"It has also given some insight into the architecture within the capital of Paradis and confirmed what knowledge we know of the Devil and its kin."
Her mother?
"Overall, General, the only use of the Ancient Colossal so far is its knowledge and experience in the history of its kind. The Titan Science division is looking to probe deeper into her mind and force a trigger to unlock the Colossal's actual wartime experiences."
Calvi understands each and every word that dutifully pours out of Magath's mouth, but he cannot believe the very mythical Behemoth of the Devil Herself would be stalled, if not blocked, by its holder's own issues with its... mother.
(He thinks it's funny, deep down, it's outright hilarious to think that a god-like entity could be halted by something so, so... banal. If they weren't within earshot of the holder and if they were in a more relaxed setting, he thinks he and Theo would be telling these laughable stories to other high members of the military over glasses of ripe-aged Marleyan wine.)
"The Titan refuses her, you say, because of her mother?"
Calvi thinks it is an excuse. Instead of Magath, he looks at the woman standing under a shade on the side of the field and thinks she is a liar, not minding if she is staring at him right back. He has not spoken with her directly all this time, and knows only what he has been told.
"Because she is not her mother, General," Magath affirms, "however... strange it seems."
That isn't the word he would use, but rather...
"So it's fortunate," Calvi muses, "that the holder was able to summon the Titan's might back then."
He turns to Magath and sees the man's shocked expression, almost as if he was saying, "It couldn't be–"
"I will speak with its holder, then," he continues, "at 1500 in my office."
Magath knows this is an order.
"Of course, General."
He salutes Calvi before approaching the woman, no doubt to inform her of the summons. Calvi watches this from a distance, seeing the woman salute Magath before her face shifts to visible confusion. But she is a soldier, so her confusion is short-lived. It is replaced with a resigned sigh when Magath walks away, and an uneasy nod when she turns to him. She understands the situation completely. She understands how much is relying on her. He knows it's because she ought to. The Titan's reputation precedes her, and she looks and acts nothing like she ought to, nothing like he expected from the holder of this grand Titan. He knows this is all fake, an elaborate but flimsy ruse conjured by Roth and his daughter.
(He can almost commend it, if he weren't so bent on uncovering the truth behind all this and bringing down the very man who'd caused him such embarrassment before the Emperor himself.)
So when the woman comes to him, alone and unaccompanied, he doesn't rise from his seat to acknowledge her.
"General," she salutes stiffly, "how shall I be of service?"
She stands before him just like many others have, but he finds her obedience almost mocking. If she truly is what Roth had claimed her to be, then beneath all this feigned submissiveness lies the power of a god, the power of an entity that once brought the world to ruin. He looks up at her, scrutinizes the way she looks. This is the first time he's ever seen the woman this close in a favorable light. She is not so young, but there is a kind of naivety in her gaze. She holds the posture of a soldier, but her eyes tell him everything. She is no soldier by birth, but she is a soldier by choice.
(Deep down, he finds this unnerving. It reminds him of his own sons, of the Boy Wonder, of even himself when he was younger.)
"Do you like Macquarie at night?"
She blinks, obviously befuddled by the question, but answers nonetheless.
"I had found it unnerving at first, but I have come to peace with it."
"Peace?" He finds her use of the word interesting.
"The desert, I had only heard about it in stories from my childhood. I never thought I would be able to set foot in one, so I am… thankful."
He stares at her expression; he knows she is not even sure in her answer.
"You take walks."
"Yes, sir."
She doesn't blink.
"With Yeager."
"Yes, sir."
She doesn't pause.
"And you talk."
"Yes, sir."
He narrows his eyes, but her expression doesn't even shift in the slightest.
"What about?"
"Whatever he asks, I try to answer," she replies, "he is interested in the Ancient's knowledge."
"Does it bother you?"
That's when she falters, shakes her shoulders a bit.
"Truthfully, sir," she clears her throat, "he does."
He stares at her expression, at her unmoving eyes and steady lip. She is not lying. But if she is, she is very good at it. He nods for her to continue.
"He is very… talkative," she admits carefully, "he asks much from me, even questions that I feel uncomfortable answering."
He thinks that's very characteristic of Yeager, always so nosy and so self-entitled.
"Yet you still answer?"
"Only if I am able to."
"What does he ask?"
She hesitates.
"If the Ancient can recognize the Devil's kin among its people, if it can differentiate a descendant of Ymir from a subject."
"And can it?"
"No, sir," she clears her throat, "at least not that I–"
"Then it is possible." He concludes for her.
"I believe so, sir."
"You believe?" He huffs. "Has it not recognized your queen?"
She stammers.
That settles it. He leans back, concluding, "You do not have it."
He crushes his fingers into his palm.
"Sir? I don't–"
"You do not have the Ancient Colossal."
She blinks rapidly, disbelieving.
"General–"
"You will prove it?" He scoffs, already three steps ahead of her. "How?"
(Yes. How exactly will she prove it? In any case, she cannot prove what Titan lies inside her if she does not summon it, if she is no allowed to summon it.)
"I will share to you everything I know."
Her voice is steady and sure, but he can already see it in her eyes. She knows very little. She knows only the surface. She knows almost nothing.
"The Titan does not yet accept you."
She is appalled at his statement.
"General, I–"
"Roth thought to withhold such crucial information, choosing instead to praise your abilities and your experience when you only have so little to offer. A soldier is just a soldier, and you are dispensable all the same."
He is furious and fuming, but more than that he is disappointed. He had expected this, but nothing to this extent.
"You have a Titan, that much is true, but whether it is the Female, the Colossus, or the Ancient, there is only one method to determine it."
He had expected to come to this conclusion, but not so soon. If anything, he'd not wanted to come to this. Because what will happen next is unnecessary, dangerous even–
"You will summon it."
–because if she does have the Titan that massacred the aerial fleet, the Titan the burned like the sun, the Titan that could so easily destroy Macquarie in the blink of an eye…
"But General–" She raises her voice, but learns to control herself, "General Calvi, I–"
He watches and waits for her answer.
"I cannot– I cannot risk the Titan. The trigger, it might– I am not–"
"You will, otherwise you will die."
It is so simple, after all, with what their Titan Research has developed. If she won't willingly summon the Titan for him, then he will force it out of her. It only takes a gun and a single bullet, and he can prove once and for all if all this praise and all this fear is right. After all, Calvi believes that the one who holds the trigger is mightier than any soldier, whether human or divine.
(That is how the saying goes, but he knows deep down, that the devil is always mightier.)
"At midnight, in the eastern field," he continues, "you will be shot, and you will summon it."
He gives her that as her only warning, knowing that Titans will not allow their holder to die no matter what. And if the Titan still refuses to allow her to die…
"Understood, sir." She says, already resigned to her fate, "but allow me to say this."
She looks at him then, ever-sure and ever-determined.
"The Titan that destroyed your ships," she swallows, "was my mother."
And?
He looks at her expectantly.
"It had been passed down in my family since its birth, the maternal line of the Devil Herself," she snickers ironically, "and is now… mine," she hesitates about the word, "however it refuses me, taunts me, haunts me."
"So if I am to die," she pauses, looking him straight in the eye, "the Titan will also die with me."
Calvi would laugh at the assumption. Titans can always be eaten by someone else.
"And if the Titan still wishes for me to live, I cannot be sure it won't appear in an explosion."
Was she… threatening him?
"The Ancient has a mind and will of its own quite different from its holder. We are merely vessels for its fury, for its thousand voices." She continues, "I cannot say for sure if it won't summon my mother instead, and her raging Titan."
For a brief instant, he is reminded of that day. The thunderous clap. The rumbling of the Earth. The sight of a burning devil on the horizon.
(He is almost excited by it.)
"Then so be it." He replies, expression plan and expectant. She cannot faze him. "Summon whatever Titan you will."
He stares up at her smugly, expecting her to turn apprehensive and apologize. But she does not. Instead, she keeps her gaze steady and her hands stiff. If she so chose, she could easily end this ruse and summon that Titan, kill him and everyone in Macquarie and prove that she is what they claim her to be. She can end all this and be rid of them all, but she does nothing. She merely stares at him in silence.
(There is no tension in the air. There is only challenge.)
"You are dismissed, soldier."
She salutes him quickly and quietly.
"Thank you, sir."
She leaves and closes the door behind her. He does not hear her footsteps, and thinks that she is heaving behind it, fearing for her life and everything else that lies on the shoulders of that monster inside her.
(In the back of his mind, Calvi thinks of cutting apart her dead body and splitting the Ancient to the rest of the Warriors. In the back of his mind, Calvi thinks of seeing her explode in a fiery blast and burning everything in sight. In the back of his mind, Calvi thinks of her speaking with Yeager, plotting something in the dead of night–)
He decides then, to have Yeager pull the trigger later that day.
They say there's an ointment the Devil gives you that turns you into a wolf the minute you rub it on.