It's Fire Friday, everyone! This is coming later in the day that I was aiming for but I had to go to the optician and ended up getting my pupils dilated so I couldn't see shit and then I had a fkn migraine because my eyes were too sensitive for the sun. Lol, not a nice day for me.
Remember, this chapter was supposed to be one with chapter 31, so we continue right after we left off, only this time strictly with Kakashi's POV. I know you all missed Team Ro and since they won't be present for most of the mission, here. Have a nice chapter with them being drunk fools :)
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"Pay up, suckers," Sakura said, a teasing smirk on her lips as she spread her cards on their table. Team Ro groaned again, having lost the last few rounds to her already. They weren't betting much, just some chocolate and extra servings of breakfast but Kakashi still frowned.
He had used the Sharingan this time. He was sure he was going to win that round. Okay, maybe it was cheating but he had no misguided notions that his other teammates weren't doing that as well. He just hadn't actually seen Sakura do anything that could be held against her.
Kakashi pouted behind his mask and accepted his loss. Sakura had been trained by Tsunade after all.
The six of them, the official members of Team Ro plus Sakura and Kakashi, had been playing for more than an hour already. Team Boar had taken to playing an altered version of charades after one too many arguments had broken over poker and were loudly cursing at each other.
Kakashi wasn't exactly happy with their overall carefree attitude towards the mission but he understood. Even though they were probably going to have to deal with the Akatsuki soon, this was their first night at the outpost and ninja—specially ANBU ninja—liked to celebrate whenever they could. Life was too short and uncertain not to. Everyone would be ready for combat by the morning.
It also helped settle his inner control freak that on his way back, Kakashi had noticed that Sakura had set up several traps around their tower. Some of the designs he could recognise from books he had brought to her while they had their training as Team 7, most of them he wouldn't have noticed without the Sharingan.
It was hard. Having Sakura this close to a mission so dangerous wasn't something he was truly equipped to deal with, if he was being honest, he didn't know how to fit her in the carefully labelled box he had put her when they met. He had to rationalise and come to terms with the fact that she was there.
In the end, Kakashi was proud to say it only took him about two rounds of whisky for him to accept this new reality. The same way that when he had met Tenzo, he had just been a boy named Inoue and later grown to be one of his most trusted friends, Sakura had changed and developed from the girl he'd met four and a half years ago.
After he made that comparison, it was easier to settle down into the easy banter Team Ro had. Sakura was absolutely annihilating everyone in their small table and he had a sneaking suspicion he wasn't more upset about it only because he was well on his way to being drunk. They all were.
Boar was still randomly bringing Sakura into his team's conversation, calling out "Sensei~!" every once in a while to get her attention. Genma and Yugao seemed to have lost all sense of personal space with the pink haired taichou while Keiichi's cheeks were perpetually red even when Sakura wasn't addressing him. Even Tenzo seemed looser and more comfortable with her.
Kakashi smiled behind his mask. He was glad.
"Alright, enough fucking around!" Genma yelled, smacking his hand on the table and scattering their cards. He put one arm around Sakura's shoulders and brought her closer to him, squishing her cheeks with one hand. "It's time we get down to business."
"You're kidding," Sakura said, her voice distorted because Genma still had a firm hold of her cheeks.
"Nuh-huh." Genma shook her head a bit and Sakura scowled at him before slapping his hands away and punching him on the shoulder in retaliation. Genma paid her no mind. "Do you two even have a cover story? Have you discussed how you're going to approach this group? What about knowing what the other packed? Huh?!"
"I figured we'd discuss all that when Asuma gets here." Sakura shrugged.
While Kakashi agreed with her—that had been his original plan, after all—he still saw Genma's point. They had to hash everything out to perfection since they didn't really know what they would be dealing with.
"Psht, Asuma." Genma waved his arm dramatically around, his senbon bobbing precariously between his teeth. "Who told the old bastard to leave Konoha when he did? If he'd stuck around he'd be with us in ANBU, for sure! We can't wait around for him to get here until we start hashing out a plan. He can be briefed when he gets his ass here."
Kakashi saw the way Sakura's eyebrows skyrocketed on her forehead. She was probably surprised at the new piece of information regarding Asuma. Unless you had been around at the time, Asuma's stitch at the Fire Temple wasn't something wildly talked about in the village. The Sandaime had made sure of it. While it hadn't made a big difference for their interactions in these past five or so years, it had created a gap between them at the time. Still, Sakura made no comment on it.
"Where's this we coming from, jiji?" She smirked at him and bumped his shoulder with hers. "You're not included in this mission."
"The hell I'm not," Genma said, crossing his arms haughtily and playfully glaring at her. "On standby practically means I'm in."
Sakura laughed—a carefree laugh that he had never really heard from her before that night but that still made him smile reflexively—and pressed a quick kiss to the older man's cheek.
"Of course, of course." Sakura snickered and Yugao joined her. The two of them winked at the other before Sakura started pouring them all their next round. If Kakashi was being honest with himself, he had completely lost track of how many there had been.
"Do you have a cover yet?" Yugao asked, her husky voice made huskier by the booze.
"Akari, chunin medic-nin whose team died and made her want to follow her career at the hospital. She met Asuma and Kakashi there while they were seeking medical help after a spar gone wrong and they became friends. She deserted Konoha with them after taxes went up during the constructions after the Konoha Crush, they were selling secrets on the side to make extra cash and had to leave eventually so they wouldn't be found out."
Kakashi stared at Sakura for a second, the rest of the team doing the same with slightly slack jaws. With her hair dark auburn as it was with her ANBU get up, she looked completely foreign to Kakashi.
"Right, you've always been an overachiever, no surprise there." Genma brushed her off even though pride clearly shone in his eyes. He turned to Kakashi; "What about you, old man?"
"I'm younger than you, bastard." Kakashi sighed as the others snickered. "Hatanaka Kato. Rogue nin. Tokujo."
There was a beat of silence before Sakura snickered. Yugao followed and soon enough the whole table was laughing.
"That's, uh, that's it? Nothing to add to that, senpai?" Tenzo asked, scratching the back of his head. He hadn't drunk as much as the rest of them to keep at least some of his wits around him but his words still slurred like the rest of them. He wouldn't have questioned Kakashi otherwise.
Kakashi shrugged and downed his whiskey before reaching for more, a carefree smile hidden behind his mask.
Usually by now he would already have taken it off, especially on a night like this with his team. Still, something was making him drink his cloth tasting whisky. He didn't know if it was Team's Boar presence so close to them or Sakura's. Kakashi didn't have the same setbacks while in ANBU that he did out in the open in the village, especially after he had made a name for himself inside the ranks. Most of them knew what he looked like, and none really cared.
Sakura was different.
She hadn't met him inside the ranks where his reputation preceded him and demanded respect. While she didn't know much about his past besides the little he had told her, she had come to know him as the eccentric jounin instructor that never showed his face, it had been something of importance to Team 7. He wasn't sure how to respect that history while still being his usual ANBU self.
"Having a couple on the team will surely make things easier," Keiichi offered, his voice more timid than Kakashi had ever heard coming from the man. While he wasn't exactly outspoken as was expected from someone from his clan, he had never been this introverted. Kakashi saw the furtive glance he shot Sakura and tried to smother a smirk. Cute.
"Yes!" Yugao shouted, her arms flailing around as she eagerly went on a tangent about the best ways to blend in as a trio with a woman. If Kakashi was being honest, he didn't quite get everything she was saying, his drunken mind catching on a few words while his thoughts jumped around aimlessly. He should drink more. "And that's why the best way to go is to pair off the two that are more comfortable with each other, you know? Comfort easily translates into attraction if played right and if you have enough experience fighting side by side it's much, much easier to follow the other's visual cues and act accordingly. It makes it more believable."
Kakashi was vaguely surprised that his cute little kouhai was using such big words and strong logic, she usually wasn't this… verbally sound when drunk. But then again, the two of them hadn't gotten properly gotten drunk together in a long time. Not ever since that night they had sought comfort in each other a few months after the Konoha Crush. He nodded along to what she was saying, agreeing in general and forcing his mind to focus.
It was only when he noticed Sakura that his mind caught up to just what exactly Yugao had suggested. Sakura's unchanged green eyes were wide as she blinked at Yugao and then at him. A few strands of auburn hair fell into her eyes as she shook her head slightly and she brushed them back, looking more unsure than he had seen her ever since Team 7 had fallen apart.
Oh. Right. By Yugao's logic, it would be for the best that Sakura and him pretended to be a couple. Akari and Kato. Kakashi frowned and shrugged, alcohol making him compliant.
It made sense. By Sakura's backstory it would also fit well, the two ninja having fallen in love after she healed him and then innocent Akari being pulled into… whatever the name Asuma chose and Kato's illegal side job. If Sakura had been anyone else, he would definitely have gone with that cover story.
But that was the problem, wasn't it? Sakura wasn't just anyone else. She was Sakura. Obviously.
Kakashi frowned harder as he continued to nod, gaze fixated on the table. The rest of the team had continued discussing the merits of that cover, going over eventual problems and solutions to those. Sakura still hadn't said a thing.
Kakashi finally brought his gaze up to observe her and try to get a feel of her. His eyes first scrutinised her to assert she would fit in the role. She didn't look too young to be with him. If his estimation was correct, she would be about eighteen and she even looked a couple of years older than that. The dark auburn hair made her look more serious in a way and it was a striking enough contrast to her bright green jade eyes that a man like Kakashi—like Kato—couldn't be faulted for falling for her.
Without caring how it looked, Kakashi's gaze slid further down. Sakura had long since blossomed into her body. Curves not as pronounced as some women but womanly and appealing all the same. Objectively, she was attractive as Akari and it wouldn't seem far fetched to see her with Kato.
His eyes settled back on her face, catching on the scar on her eyebrow before coming out of tunnel vision. Sakura was scrutinizing him just the same, her eyes slightly narrowed and a stubborn tilt to her jaw that he knew quite well. She was rising to a challenge. She was daring him to give a single reason they shouldn't use that cover.
He had several, actually, most of them regarding propriety and decorum. The duty to protect her he had taken on as her sensei all those years ago. But somehow the urge just wasn't strong enough for him to act on it. This wasn't the Sakura he had met at the Academy, hung up over the Uchiha boy. He could barely see any traces of the girl he'd known in this person in front of him.
Kakashi nodded.
"Hatanaka Kato and Akari," he interrupted whatever discussion had been going on. "Married couples get questioned less on their relationship in a camp like that. Also gives us more of a reason to stick together and roughly eliminates the danger of any of the rogues trying to force themselves on her."
Sakura blinked in surprise at him for a second before a small but nonetheless pleased smile stretched her lips. Kakashi felt a weight lift off his chest. He had failed her in many ways, many times before. He didn't understand her enough, wasn't well equipped to help the innocent girl she'd been.
Now things were different.
Kakashi actually knew how to deal with this version of Sakura. It was one that he could respect and support without the overwhelming knowledge that she was completely dependent on him. He could see parts of him reflected on her now in a way that had been impossible back then. Kakashi was finally doing something right. He just hoped he didn't screw up this time around.
The discussion went on, intermittent with more drinks than they probably should be having and various jokes and teasing. Kakashi felt at ease in a way that he hadn't felt in a long time. He had missed his friends. He had even missed Sakura even though they had never had the camaraderie they were sharing at the moment.
She was still a part of Team 7, she was still pack. In a way, he hadn't felt this close and comfortable with Team 7 in a long, long time. Despite his anxieties of having her anywhere near a mission such as this, he was glad for her companionship.
"You're too recognisable, Kakashi!" Sakura exclaimed suddenly, her finger pointed accusingly at his nose as she reached around Genma to try and poke him. "The mask, the silver hair, the Sharingan. You're basically the worst ninja to go undercover to ever ninja."
The others snickered, Yugao going as far as snorting on her laughter.
"I was trained by Usui himself on the art of disguise, Sakura." He raised an eyebrow at her flushed face. "Besides, I don't usually wear my mask when undercover."
Sakura gasped outrageously, her finger still pointing at his face but now she was heavily leaning against Genma.
"Wait a minute, does that mean… no!" Sakura suddenly got up, her voice rising in an incredulous cry as she smacked her hand on the table, making their drinks clatter. "Everyone has seen your face? No! Even Team Boar?!"
She turned her still accusing finger towards the other table where Snail carefully raised his hand.
"We haven't, Wolf-sensei," the man said timidly, his cheeks flushed from alcohol and the attention.
"I have," Boar said, extracting another outrageous gasp from Sakura as the older man shrugged. "I don't see what's all the big deal. He looks just like everybody else."
"No, no, I don't wanna know like this!" Sakura smacked her hands on top of her ears and shook her head slightly before going back to looking at Kakashi to glare at him. It was almost impossible to hold back his laugh.
"Maa, maa, Sakura-chan. There's no need to overreact." He raised his hands in an attempt at peace but laughter still showed in his voice.
"He doesn't see what's the big deal." Sakura shook her head again, her expression now comically horrified. "Months. We spent months trying to catch you off guard. We had a thousand ryo worth bet."
"So you've told me." Kakashi nodded sagely and tried to console her with a sympathetic look. "You'll win the bet tomorrow, if that's any consolation."
The prospect of finally finding out seemed to horrify her even further before satisfaction and something impish quickly crossed over her features. Sakura pointed another quick finger at him and Kakashi couldn't quite hide the full body flinch that issued. Genma chortled. Sakura narrowed her eyes.
"I'm dying your hair black," she announced.
There was a beat of silence and then their team was laughing so hard, Yugao fell sideways on Tenzo's lap. Kakashi just stared at Sakura.
"Why?" he asked, brain too slow to formulate more.
"Because!" Sakura accused more than answered, chin tilted up, eyes narrowed. "You fucking owe me!"
Kakashi had started a million thought fragments on why that wasn't fair or even a good idea but then Yugao was speaking loudly and fast about how it would be the perfect disguise and he would just look so handsome and surely there would be enough supplies at the outpost to help with future undercover missions. Kakashi knew all hope was lost when Boar—fucking Boar, he knew the guy never liked him but that night was being something else—butted in.
"There's hair dye and a bunch of other stuff at the changing room upstairs."
Kakashi sighed in defeat but it was mostly for show. He had been planning on dying his hair darker to better blend in, it was common for long term missions like this. While he generally prefered wigs, ninja-grade hair dye was better suited for missions where he'd have to stay in character for a long period of time.
Team Ro made their way to the upper floor carrying their bags and another bottle of liquor that was almost halfway finished.
Yugao and Sakura immediately set about gathering the supplies while Kakashi sat on the bench in the changing room in front of the sinks and mirrors. Keiichi sat next to him while Genma perched himself on the counter and Tenzo swayed slightly on the spot, humming a song he didn't recognise under his breath.
"They don't have black," Yugao complained.
"Grab the darkest one, I guess," Sakura answered, then raised an eyebrow. "Scissors? We're cutting his hair?"
"Yep," Yugao answered at the same time Kakashi cut in, "No."
"Whatever, do it when we're finished with the dye." Sakura waved him and Yugao off and started her work. Kakashi had to stop her five times to sneeze, his eyes constantly watering because of the smell of the chemicals.
"What about the scar?" Genma asked, smirking around his senbon at his friend's predicament. Kakashi made sure to send him a filthy glare.
"Lost it in on the mission that made me tokujo." Kakashi sighed and most certainly did not pout. "An eyepatch is better in this situation than contacts."
"And when did you two lovebirds get married?" Genma prompted, most definitely teasing now as they tossed the booze between the six of them.
"Late spring," Sakura answered. "About six months ago so it's not weird if we can't answer some questions about the other immediately."
"Where did you go on your honeymoon?" Genma only laughed at the deadpan look Kakashi shot his way.
"Iron." Kakashi didn't offer any more details.
"A bit chilly isn't it?"
"Akari likes the cold." Kakashi caught the clumsy throw Tenzo performed and was thankful when Sakura and Yugao finally stepped back. He immediately took another swig of the bottle.
The six of them continued sharing the drink and laughing for the next while. Kakashi's vision was hazy around the edges and he just conformed himself with the fact that it was better for him to just nod along to whatever they said.
Yugao found a few boxes filled with things to help with undercover missions and quickly pulled out a pair of wedding rings. Kakashi had briefly made the mistake of saying no ninja would be caught dead with one but he was quickly shut down by Sakura—"Akari doesn't participate on field missions, she would definitely wear one. And you bet your ass she would make Kato do it too".
Surprise at her assertiveness and the alcohol cursing through his veins made him slide the golden band on his pocket to wear in the morning without further complains.
Genma was loudly going over a recounting of a mission he had with Sakura to Kiri, a confusing tale of near death experiences and tasting foreign fruits that made Sakura throw the bottle especially hard at him, while Yugao filled the chart accounting everything they had used. She turned her head towards him, purple hair wildly flying around her face.
"Go ahead and wash it, senpai." Yugao smiled dopily at him and Sakura shot two thumbs up, both of them leaning slightly against the other for balance. Kakashi felt affection curl inside his chest for the two heathens. They were his teammates, after all.
Kakashi took another gulp and then tossed the bottle towards Keiichi before making his way to the sink. He ducked his head and quickly scrubbed at his hair, the sound of the water drowning the conversation going on around him. He turned the tap off but before he could straighten up, Genma nudged him with his foot.
"The dye is still there."
"Fuck you." Kakashi went back to scrubbing.
When he emerged again from the sink, Yugao was immediately by his side, gently guiding him to sit on the bench again so she could reach him better.
"C'mon now, senpai," she said. "Let's take care of that mop of yours."
Kakashi endured the first few snips, the scowl on his face deepening as the hair caught on his shirt and mask. He'd have to wash these. Yugao's uncharacteristic forwardness had surprised him enough that he didn't bother fighting her.
She had always been somewhat deferent towards him and while she was still calling him senpai and the slightest of blushes hadn't left her cheeks, she didn't seem as affected as she usually was. Of course, after that one night months after Hayate they hadn't had much interaction and the little that did happen she had settled her crush enough so that it was hardly noticeable. But still, something felt off.
Whatever it was, he was sure it had to do with Tenzo, who by this point should be singing loudly and hugging everybody within reach, was instead simply listening to the conversation around him, his scowl matching Kakashi's as he glared at the floor. Kakashi wondered what had happened there.
Yugao seemed to be almost done but Kakashi had had enough. The newly dyed hair was prickling so much through his mask and shirt that he could focus on nothing other than the itchiness. He chanced a glance towards Sakura. She was sitting next to Keiichi now, animatedly discussing something that made her perform great gestures with her hands that almost made her fall off the bench.
Maybe it wasn't the big reveal she had been hoping for, but Kakashi had long since accepted the fact that she was Team Ro and it was torture to sit like that for so long while being slowly smothered by hair.
"Alright, that's it." He leaned his head back just as Yugao had sniped a part of his fringe off. She squawked in protest but stopped when she noticed he was beginning to divest himself of his outer armour and then his shirt.
There was a loud, dramatic gasp from Sakura's direction and a dull thud as he pulled his undershirt over his head, taking care to not let any of the hair there fall on him. Yugao hummed in appreciation and got another quick snip in before stepping back, unbothered by his glare.
"Ta-da!" she exclaimed.
Genma laughed, as did Tenzo and Keiichi but Kakashi avoided looking at Sakura. Some of the old anxiety was creeping in, making his breath shorten. It felt extremely vulnerable to be bared like this, like he was walking around the village naked but he knew that was stupid. This was his team. It was Sakura.
He trusted her.
Kakashi moved to the mirror. Genma was laughing at something and tried to reach his head for a ruffle but Kakashi swiftly dodged, still with his wits about him even as drunk as he was. He leaned heavily on the counter when the movement proved to be too much for his balance.
Bleary eyes stared back at him in the mirror, one dark grey and the other dizzyingly red. He closed Obito's eye.
His hair was a dark brown, as close to black as possible. It was cropped short on the back and sides and combed forward so a fringe fell slightly over his scarred side. Without his mask, there would be no way he could be recognised. Kakashi nodded and admitted to himself that the girls had done a good job.
"You alright there, princess?" Genma called and Kakashi finally turned to see that Sakura was sitting crossed legged on the floor. He figured the noise from before had been her falling from her seat and a small, unbidden smile came to him at the thought.
Her green eyes immediately snapped to it before her already flushed cheeks darkened further.
Right. Usually a smile like that would have been hidden but now it was there in plain sight for her to see. Kakashi cleared his throat and moved back to his seat on the bench, stealing the bottle from Keiichi before sitting down.
He was glad that the rest of the team had taken upon themselves to move on from the spectacle when Sakura didn't answer Genma. She got up slowly, eyes darting all over his face before stopping to glare at Genma briefly and then Yugao, as if it was somehow their fault that he had shown her his face.
She received the bottle multiple times, always taking huge gulps that would have sent lesser men puking into the nearest toilet but never engaging the conversation around her. Kakashi for his part had slowly started to relax, the copious amount of alcohol in his system preventing him from staying tense too long.
Sakura had yet to spend more than eleven seconds without looking at him.
"Alright, Petal, you're making the man blush." Genma teased, throwing an arm around her shoulders now that she was leaning next to him on the counter, directly in front of Kakashi. "That's usually his job here on Team Ro, you know? He takes off his mask, his two 'little kouhai' blush up a storm."
He wasn't blushing. He had merely grown flushed from all the alcohol. Fuck, he already missed his mask.
Sakura only waved a dismissive hand in the air.
"Shush, I'm thinking…" she trailed off, narrowing her eyes slightly at him from across the room.
In a fluid motion that surprised everyone in the changing room, Sakura stepped from under Genma's arm and crossed the room before grabbing his face between her hands.
Kakashi's eyes widened comically as Keiichi gasped. Tenzo, Yugao and Genma chortled in the background.
"You look so…" Sakura made his face go this way and that way, squishing his cheeks and keeping him from moving or reacting. "...familiar."
It seemed like she suddenly realised what she had been doing, because she widened her own eyes and stepped back before clearing her throat. With a slightly accusatory glare towards him, she took the bottle from his limp hands and took a large gulp before sitting down on his other side. A more than respectful distance between them.
The others had already moved on, diving into a heated argument about something inane but Sakura was still staring ahead, drinking generously from the bottle.
It wasn't that the action had shocked him because it had been Sakura. He had seen how she was with the people she was closest to. Quick to make them laugh, uncaring of personal space or societal boundaries. Being physical wasn't exactly anything new for Sakura towards her closest friends. It was just shocking that she considered him to be one of those.
She had seemed so bashful afterwards, like she had done something wrong, something that would make him mad.
Belatedly, he realised how that was his fault. The last time they had been that close, he had lashed out at her. Granted, she had caught him in an extremely vulnerable position, intruded on the private moment of his breakdown but he could see looking back now how that could have prevented her from being so carefree with him like she was with others.
Kakashi wondered at that. How much of their distance had been because of him and how much at fault he was for not being there for her when she needed him. Sitting there between his teammates, the people he trusted the most, Kakashi found himself wanting to have that with her.
He wanted to not have to worry if he was overstepping some boundaries, he wanted her to be at ease next to him and trust him as much as he trusted her. He wanted her to feel like he truly was her teammate. Her pack.
The next time her eyes sought his face, Kakashi made sure to catch her gaze.
"You, uh," he cleared his throat, uncomfortable now that he had her full attention. "You've kind of already seen me without my mask on."
Sakura blinked at him, passing the bottle without paying attention to the action when Genma came over complaining she was hogging the thing. A couple of seconds went by without any more reaction from her.
"That's why I look familiar." Kakashi nodded slightly, raised his eyebrows a bit and smiled politely when she still didn't say anything.
"Oh, no. No, no, no, no." Sakura shook her head, the movement gaining speed with each second until she was vehemently shaking her head, her arms following the negative motion. "You fucking bastard!"
Kakashi chuckled sheepishly and raised his hands to try and appease her. Maybe this wasn't the best strategy to get her to come out of her shell again.
"Sukea!" The yell echoed around the room.
Sakura surprised him further when instead of pummeling him to the ground in her anger, she threw her head back and laughed. A good long laugh that seemed to come from deep inside her. When she looked back at him, she had to brush tears from her eyes.
"You absolutely cannot tell Sasuke and Naruto that!" She pointed a finger at him but she was still smiling. It took a second for Kakashi to realise he was mirroring the grin. "Promise me."
"I promise," he said when she raised her eyebrows expectantly at him.
Sakura nodded once, trying to school her face into complete seriousness but failing as another snicker assaulted her body. Kakashi couldn't help but laugh with her.
"Alright, kiddos, I think it's time for bed," Genma said, shaking the empty bottle in his hands mournfully. "Whisky's over."
They moved as a unit, the girls going to shower in the communal showers while the others brought their stuff to one of the rooms and set about their sleeping bags. Kakashi was the last one to leave the showers.
The alcohol had settled some and he wasn't as thoroughly intoxicated as before but it still made his belly pleasantly warm as he entered their shared room. It was large enough that they didn't have to touch their sleeping bags but small enough that there wasn't more than a metre between each of them.
The last sleeping bag was the only one left unoccupied, the one closest to the floor to ceiling wood windows. It was Kakashi's preferred space while sleeping on missions, that way any surprise attacks would hit him first and not his teammates. Tenzo took place on the sleeping bag closest to the door for the same reasons. While it shouldn't come as a surprise, something warmed Kakashi's chest when he noticed Sakura had taken the sleeping bag closest to the window after his.
She was Team Ro's captain for a while after all.
Genma snored slightly from besides Sakura and next to him was Keiichi, Yugao taking the sleeping bag closest to Tenzo's. Kakashi finally allowed himself to relax.
He was still too keyed up to fall asleep, the alcohol buzzing through his system and the pre-mission apprehension standing in the way of sleep. He tried meditating but failed miserably at keeping his mind blank. Then, he tried to focus on his breathing and the ones from his teammates. It was then that he realised Sakura was still awake as well.
Her breathing wasn't erratic but it was still very different from what he remembered of their time together in Team 7. That could surely be attributed to a change of habits while growing up but the inconsistency of it gave her away.
Kakashi briefly wondered if the thoughts keeping her awake were the same as his before turning his focus to steadying his breath. He must have fallen into a meditative state because the next thing he knew, a rustling sound was making him blink both his eyes open.
He quickly asserted there weren't any imminent attacks and then moved his head to look at where the noise was coming from. It was Sakura, ruffling through Genma's pack. He hadn't heard her moving all the way across the floor.
She grabbed something from within and then moved towards the windows, sliding open just enough so she could slip through.
Kakashi considered leaving her to her privacy for a few beats. She probably just wanted some fresh air. Kakashi got up in silent feet and followed her outside.
Sakura was sitting on the slanted roof with her back to him, both her legs drawn up and her elbows resting on her knees. Her hair was out of its usual braid, hanging in loose waves that stopped at her waist. The smell of cigarette smoke attacked his senses almost immediately.
She didn't startle when the windows clicked shut behind him, only turned her head slightly so she could look at him through the corner of her eye.
"Couldn't sleep either?" She offered him a tiny smile and Kakashi took it as an invitation to sit down next to her. He stretched one leg in front of him and folded the other to lean his elbow against.
"Aren't you going to share?" He asked instead of answering.
Sakura looked surprised for a moment before she offered him the cigarette with a slight smirk. Kakashi had gone to sleep with his undershirt on, his mask pulled high but he didn't hesitate to lower it to take a drag. Sakura politely looked up at the moon instead of gawking at him like before.
"I didn't know you smoked," she said when he passed the cigarette back to her. The practised ease with which she took a long drag made him raise an eyebrow at her.
"I didn't know you smoked." Kakashi chuckled when her cheeks flushed slightly in response. Sakura just shrugged so Kakashi pressed forward. "I never smelt it on you."
"I don't have it as a habit to smoke around the village. Unless I'm drunk," she said after a pause, shooting him a sardonic smile and offering up the cigarette again. "These are Genma's."
"Aa." Kakashi blew the smoke up towards the full moon and nodded a bit. "His secret mission stash."
Sakura laughed, keeping her voice low like his so they wouldn't wake their teammates inside.
"So you know about that too." She stretched her legs in front of her and put her hands behind her, leaning her weight against them so her face was more illuminated by the moonlight like she was basking in it as if she was sunbathing.
"Can I ask you a question?" The words were falling from his mouth before he was even aware his tongue had formed them. His tone of voice was more serious now, and he didn't miss the slight tension that made her muscles tighten minutely.
"If I can ask one in return," Sakura countered and he wasn't surprised. She had always been quick on her feet. Kakashi nodded.
He wanted to ask her many questions, if he was being honest with himself. He wanted to know if she'd forgiven him for being such a shitty teacher. If she blamed him for their team leaving—he certainly did. He wanted to know if she could get past the resentment she surely held towards him.
Kakashi couldn't get those questions past his lips. They formed like a knot on his throat but died like ash on his tongue and Kakashi could only frown at his own inability. He was still kind of drunk. The least he could do was blurt what was really on his mind like a good overly honest drunk.
"Me first." Sakura smiled slightly at him, seemingly reading his mind and his silence. She seemed to have realised the sudden serious turn of his thoughts but still managed to surprise him with her question. "Why did you start smoking?"
Kakashi stared at her for a moment, incredulous that she had chosen such an inane question. Then he realised what she was doing, and Kakashi was left breathless with the amount of appreciation he had for his teammate. Sakura most certainly knew some of the questions lurking behind his head. She could see his guilt and his hesitation and just like that day on her jounin graduation, she had chosen to move past it.
She didn't want to keep dwelling on the past and while that went directly against Kakashi's nature, he found himself wanting to let that part of their shared past go as well. If only to follow her lead.
So he told her the full story.
Kakashi told her that it all started with Asuma back when he was twelve and Kakashi ten. The two weren't exactly close but Genma was both of their best friends—or really, as much as he had a best friend at the time—and he had taken up the habit too. Years later, when Asuma had left Konoha and Kakashi and Genma had been sucked into ANBU, Genma was on his fourth try on quitting and Kakashi had been trying to help him.
Only Genma had been sneaking out of their ANBU barracks at night to smoke without Usui finding out and Kakashi had told him off when he found out. The fight escalated into something so intense and not at all about the cigarettes that the two didn't speak with each other for two whole weeks.
Usui was the one to force the two of them into speaking terms again, but Kakashi was still extremely salty about the whole situation and had taken up smoking as a petty way to show Genma how annoying he had been. He would wake up early and blow smoke in Genma's room through his ventilation system, smudge tobacco on his friend's underwear and shirts and he made sure to always blow smoke on his face whenever they talked.
It took Genma a few weeks to quit for good and Kakashi's sensitive nose appreciated it. The two never spoke of it but the next year, Kakashi's birthday present had been a nose clip.
"Okay," Sakura chuckled slightly, still leaning most of her weight on her hands as she looked up at him. "What's your question then?"
Kakashi didn't hesitate to turn the question on her.
"Why did you start?" he asked around the last dregs of the cigarette. Neither of them lit another one.
"My first mission as a chunin," Sakura said simply, shocking Kakashi. "My client's brother, Shinsei, is a smoker so he offered me a drag. To calm my nerves, I think, or to show off how much of a bad boy he is." Sakura rolled her eyes. "It's not exactly a habit I endorse or even want to have so I keep to just one when I'm drunk or needing the nicotine rush." Sakura shrugged.
"Is a smoker?" Kakashi questioned and Sakura narrowed her eyes at him before answering.
"We keep in touch."
"I'm sure you do." Kakashi couldn't help but snicker when she drove a pointy elbow into his ribs.
They sat in silence for a while longer, both observing the forest around them and what they could see of the full moon. The alcohol had made his body loose and his mind pliant and the companionship had calmed his thoughts enough that he felt he could maybe go to sleep if he tried again.
Kakashi turned towards Sakura to tell her they should go back inside when he noticed that she had been slightly scratching at the scar on her eyebrow.
"How did you get that?" It was a dangerous question. One that if turned towards him, he wasn't sure he would be able to answer without shutting down completely. So he was surprised when she huffed a tiny laugh and turned twinkling eyes towards him.
"I fell on a rock." Kakashi blinked at her.
"You're kidding." Sakura shook her head and laughed again, still mindful to keep the volume down.
"I promise the whole story is more exciting than that but yeah, basically, I fell on a rock on my first mission as a chunin." She was smiling up at the moon then and Kakashi was suddenly reminded that he had been there for that.
"The Kusa nin." Kakashi was blinking up at the moon as well, trying to remember that specific wound on her from over four years ago. All he could recall was that she had been only in her chest bindings and leggings and covered in blood.
"Yep. That bitch kicked me in the back and I fell head first to the forest ground." Sakura snickered slightly and shot him an amused glance. "It was even a tiny one. Sharp but tiny. It's so embarrassing."
Kakashi chuckled with her at the absurdity of what she was saying. He knew she had almost died on that mission. Both that and she almost lost all of her teammates but she could still joke about it, like the scar didn't represent a traumatic event in her life. He appreciated her levity as much as he worried about it.
He was just beginning to realise how much she took the whole moving forward no looking back thing to heart. She didn't even seem particularly bothered by the fact as she told her story. Kakashi had to wonder if that was a good trait to build or not. While he could admit to himself that the way he held on to everything wasn't exactly good, he had seen many ninja that had pushed their emotions too far away and the inevitable blow up that happened. He could only trust that Sakura would know her limits.
Sakura yawned hugely then, the noise louder than their conversation so far and they only blinked at the other in surprise. Even with only the moonlight to see her, he noticed the blush that spread across her cheeks.
"We should get some sleep," he said, amusement coating his words. "We have a big day tomorrow."
Sakura nodded and he made to get up but she stopped him with a hand on his wrist.
"Kakashi, wait. About tomorrow." Sakura worried her bottom lip with her teeth in an uncharacteristic display of nervousness and withdrew her hand. "Are we really going forward with our cover story?"
Kakashi frowned slightly and nodded slowly.
"Unless you're not comfortable with it," he said at last.
"That's not it!" Sakura tilted her head slightly. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay with it. I don't want to overstep any boundaries between us and make you uncomfortable."
Kakashi wanted to smile at her concerns but kept himself from doing it. He knew where she was coming from. These types of mid to long term missions tended to blur some lines that in their case couldn't ever be blurred. But he knew it was the best plan of action and that the two of them could sell it much better than if they decided to go with her and Asuma as a fake couple.
Not only did they have a natural chemistry that came with years of knowing the other, Kakashi looked younger than he really was, especially without the mask and with his hair dark, and Sakura could easily pass for a couple of years older than her eighteen years. Asuma in comparison quite looked his age.
He wouldn't lie and say he was completely okay with it but it was also something he had done before and by the way she was making sure to check in with him, it looked like she had experience in these types of undercover missions as well.
"We're professionals." Kakashi made sure she was looking at him before continuing. "We can fake whatever we can get away with and set out our characters to be extremely private to keep things from escalating too much. A check in system might be a good idea to have."
Sakura nodded, her eyes completely serious now that they were talking work.
"Two scratches whenever we feel uncomfortable and need the other to step back. Hand holding and kisses on the cheek in public, longer embraces whenever we're in a small group or about to be walked upon." Sakura suggested everything with an utilitarian precision that came with practice, the kind you get after leading many missions before. It made any anxiety Kakashi was feeling about the situation disappear.
"Try out the scratches, it has to be discrete and natural." Kakashi offered her his arm and she immediately closed her hand around his forearm. Her hand was slight and he could feel its warmth even through her glove as she slightly scratched his own gloved arm, unhurried and making it look like an absent minded action. He returned the gesture with his other hand.
"Tomorrow as we walk there we should practice standing closer together," Sakura said, her brow slightly furrowed in thought. "We can't be sure how far they send their scouts, as soon as we leave here we have to be in character."
"Agreed." Kakashi got up, feeling relieved that they were on the same page and that she was taking such a strategic approach to their predicament.
He offered her a hand and she took it with a small smile.
"I'm glad we hashed this out." She squeezed his hand and leaned on her tiptoes to press her lips to his uncovered cheek. "Let's try and get some sleep."
And then she was slipping inside.
Kakashi followed quickly behind her, his body in autopilot. He secured the window with a seal and climbed inside his sleeping bag while keeping his mind carefully blank. He fell asleep that night with a slight frown, mask pulled securely up the bridge of his nose.
His cheek tingling was the last sensation he could feel before he gave in to sleep.
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*sigh* my babies are just too cute.
It's nice to be able to write the dichotomy between Sakura and Kakashi and how they deal with stuff. Despite them both putting up a front constantly with Kakashi's smiles and Sakura's borderline aggressive politeness, they react differently to trauma in a way. Kakashi misdirects the attention of whoever is looking at him. He smiles his crinkled eye smile, looks and sound aloof, hides behind his mask and Icha Icha. But he /feels/. He feels a lot and he feels deeply and it's an ongoing thing, hence why he goes to the cenotaph so much. He doesn't let himself forget. Sakura on the other hand, while looking as if she has more of a hold of her emotions, pushes everything away. Inner helps her compartmentalise all of her emotions and memories in tiny little boxes until those boxes inevitably overflow. So she assaults a nurse at the hospital (remember Momoe?) and blows up with the Hokage.
Speaking of the way ninja deal with stuff, this chapter is a prime example of it. I think in a lot of fics people forget that it's actually /taught/ in the Academy (it's in the Shinobi Handbook and all) that ninja constantly seek solace in vices. Alcohol, gambling and women, I think it was what it says to be careful of. Somehow, in most of the fics I read (I'm saying most because there are some that get this right on point, imo) only foreign ninja, the "bad guys" seem to adhere to that. It's funny like, they can write about the character going to seduce a ninja from another country that is always on the bar, but somehow in Konoha people are super prudish about sex. Yeah, no. Ninja in Konoha also have coping mechanisms and they do involve gambling, alcohol and sex. And, yes, they will partake in that /specially/ during highly stressful situations such as this one.
I battled a lot with how I wanted Kakashi to show his face and in the end I went with this almost anticlimactic approach to it. I have a few different opinions on how I'd like the "big reveal" to happen and they vary a lot but I felt like this was the best for this fic since they'll be going undercover together and it makes no sense to have a dramatic moment of reveal when they gotta prepare whatever they can before making contact. Also, I hope I could capture well what Kakashi feels in regards to wearing his mask and all and that you guys kinda notice that this was a continuation of his thoughts when he was in his father's home to get the scroll the night of Sakura's jounin graduation. Most of what he feels was explained there and I felt it was okay to just put tiny reminders of that instead of going over it again. Ugh, I always get so anxious while writing Kakashi lol.
I hope you enjoyed this borderline silly chapter with hints of seriousness sprinkled on top lmao :) Let me know what your favourite part was and I'll see you next week xx
p.s. I don't know if I ever told you guys this but I get SO FKN ANXIOUS every time I update that I will barely sleep waiting for your reaction lmao it's fucking ridiculous how keyed up I get. And this semester I took a Mandarin class on Saturdays so I was always so fucking exhausted in the morning xD Thank fuck that's over now and I can be my anxious self in peace.
p.p.s This isn't in any way related to the story so you guys can skip ahead to the review button without reading it, it's just a personal freakout lol I mentioned a few chapters back that I was toying with the idea of creating a YT channel, right? Well, it's happening. Soon. I know it's a bit random but I'm gonna start by posting videos playing horror games while doing commentaries on character analysis and shit like that bc I find it interesting af. I decided (mostly after reading all of your comments the last time we talked about this) that I will be completely honest of where I came from and who I am and will regularly say that I write and enjoy fanfiction. Fuck haters. It's 2020, I think it's time we stop being ashamed of what we're passionate about. The only problem is that I'm FREAKING OUT when it comes to finding a name lol I wanted something short-ish and catchy and that kinda goes w the horror vibe that I love but I absolutely suck at this. Lol, I don't even know why I'm saying this all it's just that you guys are so fkn supportive and amazing, I can't help but be completely honest and overshare hihi I hope y'all will be interested in seeing that kind of content from me and that we can find new platforms to interact :)