Disclaimer: I do not own 'Inuyasha' or any of its characters.
Please, heed the previous' chapter trigger warning.
Chapter Fifty-Four: A Good Brother
To say that the days following Rin's miscarriage were hard was an understatement.
The most difficult thing for Kagome was finding the courage to approach Rin that night and discuss with her in a forward way, trying to preserve her health as much as possible.
Nevertheless, the psychological preparation Kagome had undergone before she headed towards the girl's room was completely useless because, in front of the door, she found her way blocked by two guards.
"Naoki, Ryunosuke, please." Kagome brought a hand to her temple. "I need to see Rin and ascertain she is feeling good."
Both the guards offered her an apologetic smile, dreading the words they would have to utter in a matter of seconds.
"Kagome-sama, we are sorry, but we have been ordered not to let you pass."
"What?" she shrieked. "Do you have any idea of what she had been through the last night? I am her doctor; I have to see her. Do you want your lady to be ill?"
"Sesshomaru-sama told us we cannot let you enter these rooms. We are truly sorry."
Kagome gaped at them, not believing her ears. Sesshomaru had gone as far as to prohibit her from seeing Rin. Had her speech been useless? What about his mate's health? How far did his arrogance go?
She gritted her teeth, trying to hold back the curses that wanted to come out of her mouth or every profanity she wanted to address to that bastard dog. Then, she raised her furious gaze on the two guards who had no fault. "Tell your lord that such an order will not last the moment his mate personally requests me and that, above all, the priestess did not think he could put his beloved's life at risk just because of immature whims." She turned on her heels and walked away without even noticing the shocked expression assumed by the guards.
When she reached her room, Inuyasha had fallen asleep waiting for her. Normally, Kagome would have loved to see such a picture – her mate curled up on the futon – but she was so enraged that she managed to wake him up just with her aura.
The door behind her slammed, her body trembled, and her eyes were blazing. The men of the house knew well when to stay away from Kagome, especially that an angry priestess should be treated with kid gloves, thus, Inuyasha knew he had to pluck up his courage and face her. "What's wrong, Kagome?"
She looked at him for a couple of seconds, and Inuyasha could almost see the steam coming out of her ears. "That mutt of your brother has forbidden the guards to let me into his chambers and check on Rin. He's decided that his heir is more important than his mate's health, and probably not even 24 hours after her miscarriage, he is locked in his room fucking her to make sure she gets pregnant!"
Inuyasha could only stand agape, listening to the words coming out of her mouth. "W-what?" he asked, befuddled.
"Your brother…" she took a big breath, "prohibited me from checking on Rin. I told him it was important for her to understand everything that is going on, but here we are!" She threw her hands in the air. "Oh, why, why must he be so stubborn and obnoxious? Can he believe me for once? I've studied just for that; I have years of experience dealing with pregnant women and what of him? He's just an arrogant demon who probably doesn't even know that a woman bleeds once a month! What can he know about a woman's body aside from the hole he had to stick his as much as arrogant dick into? What can a demon healer know about how a human body works?"
Inuyasha let her babble and vent her frustration until she had almost run out of curses.
"Kagome," he started, "I think he just needs time to cope with the loss and the idea that he still has to wait. Give him a couple of days, and he'll come around." Inuyasha didn't want to excuse his brother at all, especially not with the way he had treated his mate the night before, but deep down – very deep – he could understand what Sesshomaru was feeling and knew he couldn't really understand what Kagome was talking about. It was in his very nature to react that way.
On the other hand, he was putting Rin's health at risk.
"Wait a couple of days?" Kagome repeated, outraged. "Inuyasha, I can't do it. I need to check on Rin, speak to her, prevent your brother from pulling another stunt. I don't have all the time in the world!"
"Could you please stop screaming and cursing at least?" he asked, sending her a death glare.
For once, their role had reversed. Inuyasha was being rational and Kagome was acting recklessly. She smiled sheepishly; Sesshomaru was really grating on her nerves.
"If he has done it," Inuyasha started again, and Kagome glared at him, "maybe we could try to speak with Kimi tomorrow morning. It's useless now; it's late. I'm sure his mother will manage to knock some sense in him… she has to."
"I'm scared, Inuyasha," she finally said. Her voice was feeble, her head was down, and she was wriggling her hands; Inuyasha promptly pulled her into an embrace. He left feathery kisses on her nose, her jaw and neck as his hands caressed her hair and back. She let herself be comforted by the warmth of her mate and snuggled more in his embrace; she was even tired of crying.
"I know," he murmured, "we will fix it. Sesshomaru will understand… he is just too shocked right now and he's not used to others telling him what to do."
"I'm not ordering him around. I'm taking care of the woman he says he loves! He shouldn't oppose me when it comes to her health when he knows who I am!"
"We'll make sure he remembers then. Besides, even if Rin is in no condition to do anything, I am sure she will request your presence soon. Sesshomaru might be her mate and he needs to stay next to her, but she trusts you, and she will want to know from you what is happening to her, not from someone else. Do you think she will accept if Sesshomaru proposes another doctor? Fat chance! To convince Sesshomaru we will just need to push the right buttons. Give it tomorrow morning, and he will change his mind."
Morning came, and with that, Rin's complaining.
The day before she had been quiet, too tired, shocked and in pain to speak. She just accepted Sesshomaru's presence next to her and let him hug her tight. Her mind was in turmoil and she could not understand what was happening to her; she just knew she had lost her baby and that – even if he hadn't told her – Sesshomaru was suffering, too.
He had been observing her all night and had assured himself that she wasn't in any other pain, at least not like the night before. She smelt of exhaustion and grief, she had cried in his arms the day before, but she still had to utter a single word. He had let her; he understood more than anyone else the need of being in silence and simple grieving. If that was what she needed, then he would let her; they would have all the time in this world to approach the subject.
Silence had given him time to order his thoughts and ponder what had happened in the last few hours. When he had first smelt Rin's blood, he had had no doubts; he had to call the miko. Sesshomaru had learnt to trust her even if she was a mere human, and he knew she would be able to deal with whatever was happening to Rin.
He, instead, could not do anything.
That night, Sesshomaru had realized for the first time he was neither invincible nor omnipotent.
He was dealing with a situation that he had never believed possible; he was powerless. His mate was in pain, their child lost and he could not do anything.
The epiphany had destabilized and even immobilized him for a moment. Afterwards, however, he had reacted in the way he considered most normal; he had taken it out on the first person he considered guilty. The priestess, his brother's mate, had been the designated victim.
Alone with his thoughts, he had understood his behaviour the night before had been pathetic and not becoming of his status. He knew that, if Kagome couldn't understand the reason behind Rin's miscarriage, no one else could and that no demon healer could understand how a human body worked. Yet, he had still banned her from their rooms that day.
He still didn't like the miko trying to tell him what to do and interfering with his personal life, even if he understood that it was only for Rin's sake – much like his mother had told him.
It was still in his nature; he was trying his best to ignore his instincts and let the priestess do her thing.
However, admitting that the miko was right only increased his sense of powerlessness. When Rin finally woke up the second morning after that dreadful night, he felt defeated.
Meanwhile, Rin wondered why no one, besides the castle's healer, had come to visit her. Where was Kagome? Wasn't she there to help her two nights ago? Moreover, Rin was still caged in the same room where everything had happened and couldn't stand it anymore. Why Sesshomaru was giving her no sign he wanted her to go out of their chambers?
"Sesshomaru," she started, her voice weak and strained.
The dog demon next to her raised immediately and tenderly cupped her face to peer into her eyes. It was the first time she addressed him, the first time he heard her voice since before the miscarriage and Sesshomaru didn't recognize it. "Rin." His eyes were gently, but she could read pain into them, too; pain for her and the baby. "How are you feeling?"
"I don't know," she answered honestly. Physically she felt drained and sore, especially in the lower abdomen. Mentally she couldn't tell. Her mind was a mess and she only wanted to know more. She needed to speak with Kagome; they had to explain to her exactly what had gone wrong, what she had done wrong, why the possibility of being a mother had been taken away from her when she was just getting used to the idea. Only then, only when every one of her faults had been clearly explained to her, would she consider analyzing those dark feelings that were clouding her mind.
"I need to understand what's happening. Can you call Kagome? Can I leave this room? I don't want to remain here another second. Why hasn't she already come to see me?" She made to leave and weasel out of Sesshomaru's grip, but he easily stopped her.
She could see him clenching his jaw and his eyes hardening. "You cannot."
"W-what?" she asked, befuddled. "What do you mean no?"
"You're still weak. I can smell the fatigue on you. It's not safe to let you wander or tire yourself out," he continued.
"But I'm telling you, Sesshomaru, if I stay another minute in this room I am going crazy." Her throat was sore, too, and she didn't know how she was even speaking. "At least let me go to the gardens; you'll come with me. But I need to breathe fresh air and forget these rooms for a moment. And I need to speak with Kagome."
That hard glare again. What was that? Why did he seem to get angrier every time she said Kagome's name?
"You cannot," he repeated without offering her an explanation.
"Sesshomaru…" Rin was more confused than ever and her mental and physical state right now didn't help her. "I don't understand. I love you, but you have to explain to me why I can't leave these rooms and meet my friend and healer." She was trying to appear strong and resolute, but her tone didn't come out as hard as she would have. If anything, she resembled a shy duckling.
Sesshomaru took a deep breath, knowing that she wasn't going to like what was about to happen. Rin was the only one able to let his defences down, that would talk to him in a certain way, but he had to make her understand his point of view.
"I'd like you to remain here a little more. I have matters to settle with the miko first," he offered. Before he could let Kagome enter these rooms, he needed to clear the air and speak with her alone.
Rin looked at him quizzically. She didn't need the fuss, she had been quiet the day before, but now she wanted an answer. She knew that while Sesshomaru could offer her love and comfort, he did not have it. At least, she hoped he wasn't complaining because he was feeling overstepped.
"Are you okay, Sesshomaru?" she asked tentatively. Her hand cupped his cheek and stayed there while Sesshomaru's larger and warmer reached it. One more look was enough to share in each other's pain.
He leaned a bit and planted a kiss on her forehead. "I only care for you, Rin." He looked at her again, this time sternly, and added. "I'm going to call the miko. Please stay here, it won't take long. Ryunosuke and Naoki will guard you."
He left the room after a last glance at his mate, aware that the words they had said to each other had been very few. It often happened like that between him and Rin, looks and gestures were enough, but sooner or later, his mate would have to vent with him. Sesshomaru was ready to listen to her and comfort her.
However, before it came to that, he knew that he had to settle an important matter with the miko. He had to come to terms with that strange feeling he felt deep inside, one mostly unknown to him, and accept the reality of things. He vaguely remembered the same one, after his father's death, that he had hidden under an avalanche of hatred and resentment – hatred toward his younger brother, resentment toward his father.
Rin, on the other hand, needed to know the truth in all its facets. Only then would she be able to confide in and, more importantly, lean on him.
That was the spirit, wasn't it? He would offer his shoulder and love to his mate and, at the same time, accept hers. However, Sesshomaru couldn't really know how it usually worked. He had always relied only on himself. But he was no longer alone and, above all, he no longer had to look after himself alone.
He paused for a moment on the way to his office and looked at his hands as if they held some kind of secret and could give him the answers.
Sesshomaru had changed, he knew. Yet, the depth of that change still caught him unprepared, like these new needs.
It would not change, however, his way of approaching a challenge. It didn't matter if he currently lacked an enemy to defeat or a culprit to kill. He would come out with his head held high, leaving aside cowardly feelings that didn't suit him.
Morning came in another room in that castle as well, and the couple curled up in their futon found out that Kimi's interference wasn't needed nor fights or worse.
Kagome and Inuyasha were awakened by a slight knock on their door very early that day. Their guards informed them that Sesshomaru had requested their presence in his private office as soon as possible.
Kagome's reaction was immediate: she would have a few words with that prideful and stubborn dog. She hadn't even left the warmth of her mate's embrace that she was already on the war's path. Inuyasha stopped her before she could stand up and tightened his grip on her.
"Don't I deserve a morning kiss, 'Gome'?" he asked, searching for her rosy lips. He caught them and, for a moment, managed to distract and relax her. When they broke it, he spoke again. "It's still too early to be angry. Please, do not start anything, Kagome. I think it's a good sign he asked for us. Had he still bent on ignoring you or preventing you from seeing Rin, he wouldn't have called this early or even acknowledged you. We will get up, reach him and let him speak. Then, and only then, if he keeps spouting nonsense, I'll let you bit his ears off, but no turning anyone into ashes. Got it?"
Kagome looked at him with a neutral expression while he was speaking, then she couldn't contain herself anymore and burst out in laughter, even if the whole situation was less than amusing.
"Oi! What the heck, Kagome? I am serious here!"
"Oh God, I'm sorry," she said while wiping some tears. "It's that it's so strange…"
"What's strange?"
"This," she explained, pointing out both of them. "Us. You are being the rational one and telling me to calm down, not be reckless. It's so amusing."
"Hmph." Inuyasha stuck his nose up in the air, feigning offence. "You're telling me I can't be rational? I'll let you know I am a very mature and responsible man," he continued.
Kagome kept laughing, and he was only glad she wasn't so stressed anymore. At least she would be in a better mood before they approach the inevitable. They still had to deal with Sesshomaru and Rin; Inuyasha predicted heartbreak and pain.
They reached the office shortly later. Sesshomaru was there with an unreadable expression, body stiff and immobile. Kagome and Inuyasha took a seat in front of him and waited for him to start the discussion.
"Miko, I do not like being told what to do."
Both the spouses in front of him snorted in reflex. No, really?
"That much was clear," Kagome said. "The question here is: what's more important? What do you think is more important? Your dignity or your mate's health?"
Inuyasha wanted to roll his eyes while his brother tried to incinerate his mate with a death glare again. As if he hadn't said anything before they entered, Kagome had immediately started riling up Sesshomaru. As if he wasn't already a difficult type.
"I was saying," Sesshomaru started again, completely ignoring her question, "I do not like being told what to do, however…" he paused. "I can recognize when I cross the line."
Kagome held her breath in response.
"I recognize my mistake," he added, shocking both his brother and his mate – they didn't expect him to give in so easily, and even if they were glad of it, it wasn't less shocking. "Last night, I was overwhelmed by unexpected events and acted consequently. I do not want to put my mate's health at risk, and I will gladly listen to your explanation to know what this new situation entails."
Well, this is the real unexpected event, Kagome thought while she observed the dai-youkai in front of her.
"I see…" Kagome finally replied. "I understand your feelings right now." Sesshomaru shot her another death glare, daring her to compare him with any other weak human, but she ignored him completely. "As I was saying yesterday night, your comfort and presence are of utmost importance at this moment. Rin must understand firstly from you that she is not at fault and you have to help her create a peaceful atmosphere. The more she is at ease, the more it will be easier to enter another pregnancy when the time comes. Is it clear so far?"
Sesshomaru slightly tilted his head.
"I do not intend to tell you what to you do; I am merely doing my job, which is to assure Rin's well-being. When I told you to put a hold on sexual intercourse, it was because a human body is weaker and requires time to heal after such an event. As for the rest, I asked you to wait to conceive out of caution. We do not know what triggered the miscarriage, so it would be better to wait to let Rin quietly get used to her life here without any kind of added stress or worry."
Sesshomaru repeated his previously gesture, but Kagome didn't go on. She had already told him everything else the night before and he was smart; he sure understood now what she was telling him. Her silence, after his pointed looks, was only saying, "No, I can't tell you why it happened. It just happened."
Unfortunately, that was what Sesshomaru couldn't accept, even if he now recognized it wasn't the priestess' fault. She was right, he didn't understand anything regarding the human's body, but he also knew who she was. If Kagome couldn't find a reason, then no one would; it would have been pointless, if not painful for Rin, to lead an array of different healers through their bed chambers.
"I will wait, Kagome," he finally said, making use of her giving name again. "After all, I still have your mate to pose as my heir and for the council, it does not make any difference which half-demon retains the title right now; they are not happy anyway."
"Very well. I knew you wouldn't disappoint me, Sesshomaru," Kagome nodded before standing up, ready to go check on her friend. The dog demon inwardly rolled his eyes; as if he cared about disappointing or not the priestess. "I will take my leave then," she added, then looked at him straight in the eyes, waiting for him to tell her she was still banned from the sleeping quarters. Nothing changed on his cold mask.
Finally, Kagome turned to Inuyasha, pecked him on the lips and left the two brothers alone in the older's office while the guards followed.
Silence surrounded the two once again, and for a couple of minutes, no one dared to utter a word. Sesshomaru was used to it, he even liked it, but Inuyasha had never been comfortable in such a situation with him. Thus, eventually, the half-demon was the one to break it, even if he had to think hard about something to say.
He couldn't ask how he was feeling because it was damn obvious and it would only earn him a glare – come to think everything would earn him a glare, so it couldn't be counted. Comforting words weren't his strong point, nor would his brother appreciate them. He could make a joke, even a stupid one; it's not like Sesshomaru would laugh anyway. He only needed to break the ice.
In the end, after racking his brains out, Inuyasha spouted the first thing that came to his mind. "Don't worry, anyway. You will always have my kids to keep you awake at night if everything you wish for is annoying brats and temper tantrums. I wouldn't recommend Muteki, but Toga is still a master with them. He also excels in interrupting private time and he'd work perfectly if, in the following weeks, you need someone to keep you away from your mate. Just let me know." He swore he saw a ghost of a smirk on Sesshomaru's lips.
"Where are they anyway?" he inquired.
"Your mother came deep in the night; we couldn't bring them with us. They are not your favourite kids when you wake them up in the middle of the night." Inuyasha shrugged.
"You should expect hell when you go pick them up, then," he offered.
"Yeah," Inuyasha said while scratching the back of his neck. That conversation was strange. "Especially from Toga. Don't worry, though; I'll bring them here, and you can deal with him, you know… for practice. So when you'll have your own, you'll be a master in keeping them in check. Even if with you as a father, I don't expect them to be rascals. They'll be mini you and creepy as hell. I wonder how you were as a child and how did you turn this way. I mean…" he started rambling on.
"Inuyasha," Sesshomaru tried to interrupt him when he noticed the half-demon didn't intend to stop so soon.
"Mom always said that our old man was really down to earth and not at all obnoxious. He liked to joke a lot, she used to say, and you aren't like that. Sure, you take from your mother, but even Kimi can joke, and I've never seen you crack a joke. I mean, are you able to crack a joke?" The half-demon kept going on and didn't know how to stop.
"Inuyasha," his brother tried again, his tone louder. He nudged him with his aura. This time Inuyasha stopped in the middle of the following sentence and turned to him.
"What?"
They looked at each other for a couple of seconds, and then, Sesshomaru said something that completely threw him off balance. His ears swivelled, and his eyes widened. Never in all his life would he have ever imagined those words coming out from Sesshomaru's mouth.
He had heard them before. An eight-year-old kid who had never had a male figure to rely upon apart from his strange grandfather practically loved to tell him so. Mama Higurashi had told him so. But Sesshomaru…
Inuyasha approached his brother from behind, who in the meantime had also stood up and was observing the sun not yet high in the sky through the window. He put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed lightly, knowing that Sesshomaru would understand what he couldn't convey with words.
"You are a good brother," Sesshomaru had said just a few minutes ago.
Both knew this moment was even more important than Inuyasha accepting his role as heir or Sesshomaru telling him he was sorry. As if this was a milestone in their life and everything could only get better in the following years, no matter what fate threw at them.
Yet, the most important thing was that Sesshomaru had accepted, though not explicitly, all the support Inuyasha was willing to give him. And it was no longer technical support but an emotional one.
It didn't matter if it would be mostly through unspoken words and gestures, he would take it.
All of which said a lot about how much the situation had affected him.
Rin and Kagome's reunion was more heart-breaking. What the two brothers couldn't say, the tears they were unable to shed, were taken care of by their mates.
As soon as the miko reached her, Rin took comfort in her embrace but didn't utter a word while Kagome repeated what had happened for the umpteenth time in less than two days. She tried to explain everything in the best way she could, still, Rin never reacted. She stayed snuggled up against her, and the only sign of the girl's emotional state was her guilty-filled eyes.
"It's not your fault," she said at least – well, actually, she repeated it. Rin nodded. "Do you believe me? Us?" Rin nodded again. Did she? For real?
"I trust you, Kagome-chan." It was true, she did, but it was so difficult to accept the truth and not blame everything on herself. "I was really happy I could give Sesshomaru an heir. I wanted a baby to spoil and cuddle, too; I thought it would have been happy growing up with your sons."
"You are young, Rin-chan. Now that you are Sesshomaru's mate, your lifeline matches his, and you don't have to worry about your body getting old. Do not compare yourself with the other villagers; you have all the time in this world to have children of your own. When they'll finally arrive, it would be a thousand times better."
"But you were very young yourself, Kagome-chan," Rin reasoned, raising her face to look at her companion. "You had your sons at the same time Sango had hers, and you're mated with Inuyasha; you could have waited too."
Kagome sighed inwardly. "You're right, but… Rin… Don't get me wrong, I love my sons, and I would never exchange them for anything. However, I was really young when I had them. Maybe you don't remember because you were a child back then, but I had a hard time accepting that I was becoming a mother at only sixteen years old. Muteki and Toga just happened, and we accepted them; we love them. Still, I would have gladly waited some years more. Why do you think we stopped now? We are being careful because there's a lot of time and we don't want to rush anything. It should be like that for everyone else, be they humans or demons. If I had to give you just one piece of advice, I'd tell you to take time for yourself; get to know yourself better and then, only then, you'll be ready to be a mother. And if at any time you'll need someone to comfort you or help you figure out who you are, you know I am here for you. It's just the two of us, Rin. You and me. We have to support each other."
She didn't want to think about the future and what a demon's lifespan entailed. But at the same time, Rin needed to know there would never be someone who understood her better than Kagome in many aspects of their lives.
"I don't know what I'd do without you, Kagome," Rin said with tears welling up in her eyes.
"Hmpf, we would have to deal with stubborn dogs alone," she chuckled. "Thank the Gods we have each other." She winked and then pulled her tighter in her embrace.
They remained like that for the rest of their morning, drawing comfort from each other, and Kagome thought that at least, this time, a disaster had been avoided.
Rin was a strong girl, and Kagome knew she would become that fierce and joyous woman she had met in the future.
A/N: With more lucidity, Sesshomaru understood what was better for Rin and acted consequently. He intends to have a better relationship with his brother too, thus, his brother's mate too. So, the scene after the third break was necessary as well.
Plus, we saw Sesshomaru in a different light in this chapter, too. I think it's important for him to realize he's not invincible and that sometimes helps to accept others' aid without shame.
Hope you liked the chapter and everything was clear. Until next time!