Chapter 2
Garfield plays with a chain around his neck, looking out at the twinkling skyline of Jump City. The sun is starting to set, weaving brush strokes of purple and yellow between the tall steel buildings. He starts drumming a beat on his thigh.
"...so tomorrow is the big premiere date," says the woman sitting across from him. He's deduced that she's in her mid-sixties from stories she's shared with him in previous meetings of her own grown children and grandchildren.
"Yeah," Garfield mumbles, continuing to look out the window. He had a hard time looking at her face. Her eyes were an impossible shade of blue and very hard to read. During their first session he had joked for thirty minutes straight. She had smiled brightly at each one, teeth perfectly straight and blindingly white. Then she asked "So why do you think you joke so often?" and his rehearsed jokes shriveled up in his mouth. That was a year ago, he's been coming to her bi-weekly ever since.
When she doesn't say anything for a few moments, Garfield focuses her attention back on her. She's looking at his hand that's fiddling with the chain on his neck. He drops it and shuffles in his seat again.
"It was Elastigirl's," he says. Irma nods, shrugging to let him know that he doesn't have to say anymore.
"Who's coming to the premiere?" she asks.
"Everyone-" he says, then pauses. "'Cept for Rae. Didn't want to dress up." He chuckles, running a hand through his hair. Irma smirks and nods.
"Terra is going I assume?" Irma asks. Garfield nods.
"Yeah, she's gonna meet me at the premiere. Titans East gave her the night off. She looked for a dress for months."
"She's really proud of you."
"Yeah."
"You don't seem excited."
"No! I am!" Garfield says, his butt rises out of his seat as he rushes to correct her. He plops back down when he notices Irma's arched brow.
"I am," he says again, this time more softly. "Just a little nervous."
Irma nods, silently asking him to continue. Garfield runs a hand through his hair.
"It's my first drama. Up until now casting directors have only casted me in supporting roles for comedies. Mostly as a favor to Nightwing. Or because-" Garfield chuckles but knows Irma would never let him stop the sentence halfway. She looks at him expectantly. "Or, well, because I'm green and the world knows me."
"What do you mean?"
"Everyone knows Changeling," Garfield shakes his head."No. They know Beast Boy. So they put me in these movies and it's almost an afterthought. Like Oh cool! That superhero was in that movie for five minutes. What's funnier or more random than a green guy. But it's...forgettable."
"And you're hoping that this role will be the one that makes people take you seriously."
"Yeah! I mean, when I started acting, I know people thought it was a superficial thing. Raven rolled her eyes when I told her about my first role. I don't think she ever got past how giant my ego got when we went to Tokyo and those girls were my fans. But I was younger than and so thirsty for attention."
"This role is more than that."
"Exactly!" Garfield exclaims, his body rising out of his seat. He settles down again. It grows silent for a few seconds. "When I was younger, Elastigirl used to show me all these movies from the 50s. I remember watching Roman Holiday and being completely entranced by how beautiful Audrey Hepburn was-" Garfield pauses, playing with his chain again. "But it's not just the beauty, it was her air. She was a captivating actress." Garfield thinks of how Rita looked in her own films and smirks to himself. She was equally as mesmerizing but he wasn't going to bring that up to Irma.
"Why did you bring up Raven specifically?" Irma cuts through his thoughts.
"Huh?" Garfield asks, confused by the random question.
"You brought up Raven specifically. When you talked about your first role."
Garfield nods slowly, trying to jump ahead to what Irma was getting at.
"Why does her opinion matter?"
"Well she's my friend." Garfield says immediately. Irma nods.
"But you didn't bring up Cyborg or Starfire. Why'd you bring up Raven?"
Garfield pauses, running a hand through his hair. It's silent for a couple of minutes.
"I guess...well….everything Raven does and says has weight to it. She's never said anything just to fill time or space," Garfield feels his forehead scrunch up in concentration. Irma waits. "She's just...different than me. I don't know why her opinion matters. I just...I know that all the words that come out of her mouth are honest. Her delivery is shit sometimes," Garfield chuckles. "A lot of people think she's rude. But she really holds no anger towards anyone. She's-"
"Impartial?" Irma offers. Garfield waits a minute to digest that word and then nods.
"It just...always feels like she's right. She weighs all of her thoughts before she settles on an opinion."
"No one can be right always." Irma says. Garfield shrugs. Irma hums.
"So what color dress did Terra settle on?" Irma asks. Garfield laughs.
"It's green but a completely different shade of green than my skin. We won't match," Garfield places a hand over his chest, feigning tragedy. Irma laughs.
"Pity," she jokes and the session continues.
….
"How was the workout superstar?" Nightwing asks with a wide smile when Garfield bursts into the common room with a towel around his neck.
"Completely worth all the food I'm gonna eat at the premiere," Garfield says, laughing as Nightwing's smile falters immediately. Nightwing always harped on keeping track of your protein intake with the team. And the carbs. And the sugar. Garfield wasn't sure which he had heard from their leader more, "Titans Go!" or "Food is energy!" Garfield kind of just ate what he wanted. He figured out in his late teens that he could just turn into a different animal that would process and digest the food he ate a little differently. It pissed Nightwing off who would have long talks with him about discipline. Garfield laughed with Irma about it all the time.
Garfield spots Raven with her nose in a book and saunters over with a grin.
"Did you hear that Rae? My premiere is tonight," Garfield says, stepping just a centimeter into her personal space. Raven snaps her book closed.
"I may have overheard it one of the twenty times you've brought it up this past week."
"Really? Twenty?" Garfield asks, rubbing his chin. "Seems like it should be higher. It's a pretty big film. Lotta big names."
"Mmmm and you," Raven says, opening her book up again. Garfield chuckles. He takes the book out of Raven's hands and shuts it, making sure he places a finger in it so he can keep her page. Raven glares at him. Garfield hears Irma's voice screaming "boundaries" in the back of his head. But he doesn't think he's pushed her too far just yet.
"You know we still have a seat saved for you." Garfield says. Starfire bursts from the kitchen.
"Oh yes friend it would be glorious. I know we could find you a dress if we left right this instant," Kori says, hands clasped tightly together in front of her. Garfield cringes internally knowing that dress shopping really wouldn't be the way to convince Raven.
"You can wear whatever you like," he amends, feeling as the finger that was holding her book open twitched nervously. Raven makes direct eye contact with Garfield and he feels himself still completely.
"You know I would have liked to Garfield but I can't," Raven says. Garfield feels his body sink a little.
"I get it Rae," he says, handing her back her book. And he does. Large crowds were still hard for her. Shouting fans, even worse. "But I'm sorry you'll miss my academy award winning performance," he jokes. Raven looks at him seriously for a moment, just long enough for Garfield to question whether she thought he was letting the fame go to his head. Then she smirks impishly, reverting her eyes to the text he placed back in her hands.
"You're a regular Tom Hanks." Garfield laughs, almost not recognizing the arm that loops around his.
"My man is better than Tom Hanks. Ooh sweaty," Terra says, running her hand down Garfield's arm. He laughs.
"Don't tell the pap, the gossip magazines would find a way to eat me for it," Garfield jokes, looking down at his girlfriend. She raises her eyebrow naughtily. Garfield feels his face heat up and looks around at his friends but they're all too preoccupied to notice Terra's blatant suggestiveness.
"I thought you were getting ready at home and then meeting me at the premiere," Garfield says.
"I decided I'd stop by early. Maybe get ready with Star?" Terra asks loudly enough for Starfire to hear. Kori nearly drops the bowl she was eating out of. She puts it on the table and squeals. Garfield smiles warmly at Terra. It was moments like this that he remembered why they've lasted so long. Getting ready with Starfire was an Olympic sport for anyone. The only people who chose to get ready with Starfire were the people who loved her and wanted to see her happy.
"Oh friend! That would be the most delightful!" Then Starfire pauses.
"What's wrong Star?" Nightwing says, grabbing her hand.
"Well I had scheduled an appointment with my makeup artist and hair stylist for you and I," Starfire says. Nightwing's eyes widen so much behind his mask that Garfield has to put his hand over his mouth to cover his smile. He looks at Raven quickly and realizes that she too is on the verge of laughter behind her book. They make eye contact. Garfield's laugh has quieted down into a soft smile. Raven lowers her book and smirks back.
"That won't be necessary Star!" Nightwing says in one breath. Starfire's face falls a little. Terra chuckles.
"Star I'd love to join you!" Terra says enthusiastically. Garfield sends a big smile Starfire's way.
"I know you ladies are going to look spectacular," he says. "I should go grab my suit though," he finishes, looking at his watch. He plants a hasty kiss on Terra's cheek and jogs out the common room.
….
And they did look amazing. Starfire had gone for a shimmering golden dress, her hair falling down her back in loose waves. Cyborg joked that Nightwing had almost choked on his spit when he saw her. Garfield had helped Terra pick out her silk emerald dress so he was less starstruck when he saw her but she looked extra pretty with her hair curled up in a fancy little updo.
"I have like three hundred pins in my hair," she had said to him when he helped her out of the limo. He laughed.
"Looks nice," he had said.
They are currently on the red carpet and Garfield's nerves are shot. He always felt trapped at these things. It's not that he didn't love his fans but all at once, it was a little much to handle. He didn't have it as bad as Raven but he did have millions of potential animals living inside him. All the flashing lights gave him a headache. Everyone spoke so loud too, he had to resist the urge to put his hands over his sensitive ears.
"Changeling himself!" shouts an interviewer into her microphone. Her skin is almost the same shade of orange as Kori's. Garfield smiles at her but has to grind his teeth together as his ears ring. He tightens his grip on Terra's hand. She squeezes back.
"And the beautiful Terra," the interviewer says, directing her attention to Terra. "You guys are quite the power couple. Are you excited to see the movie?"
Terra has to move her head back an inch as the microphone is shoved into her personal space. The interviewer is way too energetic. Garfield knew way too much about the business to know that this interviewer wasn't completely sober right now. This kind of energy was not normal around all these people. Even Starfire got tired at these events.
"Of course I am. I know he's gonna kill it. Like everything else he does in his life," Terra says, her excitement much more muted that the woman in front of them. Garfield tries to block out the sensory overload so he can fully experience his gratitude at Terra's honest words but it's hard.
"Aww! So sweet!" their interviewer squeals and looks at the cameras with comically wide eyes.
"Changeling! This is your first drama. I'm told the plot doesn't mention the green skin at all," the interviewer asks. Garfield nods, immediately feeling like there was a heavy ball rolling around in his head, smacking at the walls of his skull. He pushes himself to answer the question though, feeling its importance even through the pain.
"Michael was interested in me for this role when he wrote it but he couldn't get past the green skin at first. I loved the character so much that I was even considering doing AI to make me look different. But that...wouldn't be honest. I am...a green man. And anyways all movies involve some suspension of disbelief. So if we can believe that Sandy Bullock is an astronaut then we can believe that I am a regular man...with regular motivations," Garfield pauses when he says regular man. He always felt like a regular man so telling people to pretend he was a regular man felt cheap. The interviewer nods and if the blank look in her eyes was any indication, Garfield is certain she didn't register a word he said. He keeps his smile up despite the fiery ball that grows in the pit of his stomach.
"So, do you guys think kids will be in your future?" the interviewer asks. Garfield feels himself take a step back at the blunt question. He shakes his head. She wasn't even going to pretend to listen to anything he was saying.
"Uh-" he began shaking his head, trying to erase the disbelief off his face.
"Well I certainly want one or two," Terra says with a chuckle. Garfield looks towards Terra. A flash goes off to the right of them and it makes the jewels in Terra's hair shine right into his eyes. He closes his eyes.
"Wha-" he starts and Terra turns to him with an eyebrow quirked.
"What?" she asks. In his peripheral as the interviewer moves the microphone closer to the couple and Garfield feels the heat flow from his core into his limbs. He puts one of his hands in his pockets and clenches it. He smiles at the interviewer.
"Well we should be heading in," he says politely, his smile tight and uncomfortable. "Thank you for your questions."
Garfield doesn't listen to the interviewer's response as he walks hastily into where the movie will be played, dragging Terra along behind him. When they are far enough from inquiring ears Terra rips her hand out of his.
"What was that?" she asks, arms crossed. Garfield blinks a couple times and shakes his head. He senses that Terra's anger was directed towards him but that couldn't be right.
"She asked you if you wanted to have kids with me and you said 'uh-'," Terra says, making a dumb face to mimic how he looked when he answered the question. It plucked at Garfield's nerves like a guitar string.
"Of course I said 'uh.' It's none of her business," Garfield says, palms lifted to the air as if this was the most obvious thing ever.
"Do you not want to have kids with me?" Terra asks.
"What? Um-" Garfield shakes his head. He still hasn't been able to quiet his anxiety from being out there with all those flashes of light.
"Gar why are you hesitating?" Terra asks.
"Terra, I can barely concentrate on my own thoughts. You know how these things are for me," he says carefully, placing three fingers on his forehead.
"I just feel like that's something that should come automatically to you. I know I want to have kids with you," Terra says.
"We haven't even discussed having kids ourselves, why would I tell a random reporter about something I should be discussing with you."
"Because you're excited about our future. Because you want to tell the world," Terra says, lips twitching in a way that makes the fireball in his stomach explode.
"Terra we don't even know if I can have kids," he wants to shout but he doesn't trust that no one is around. The restraint it takes makes the veins pop out in his neck. Terra takes a step back and looks him up and down.
"I'll meet you inside," she says slowly and turns away from him. He sucks his teeth.
"Wait. Terra," he says, grabbing her hand to stop her but she snatches it away. He groans.
….
Garfield settles down in his seat next to Terra fives minutes later. Nightwing, Cyborg and Starfire give him enthusiastic thumbs ups as he walks past them. Terra doesn't look at him, her shoulders tense. The theater is much quieter than outside of course and Garfield is able to get his bearings. He practices the mindfulness skills that Irma taught him. Closing his eyes, he mentally catalogues what he feels, tastes, smells, and hears. He opens his eyes when he feels a small hand move over his.
"Are you okay?" Terra asks. Her lips are still in a thin line so he knows she's still angry but she does look genuinely concerned. He nods and puts a hand over her hand. She nods back, takes her hand back and settles into her seat.
Garfield looks at the empty seat to the right of him that was saved for Raven and feels a confusing tug in his stomach. He doesn't have time to interpret it though as he hears the announcement for the start of the movie. He feels a heavy weight in his stomach that leaves him digging himself deep into his chair.
…
When the lights slowly start coming back on, Garfield has not felt the weight ease off of him. He took mental notes of the things he could change in his acting as he was watching. The role came out slightly different than he had intended. He's looking down at his lap and everything is silent, making the weight in his stomach grow so heavy that he is sure he'll be pulled through the ground at any moment.
And then he hears something small. Like a phone falling on the floor. And he hears it again. And again. A rhythm. They're clapping. He looks up at Terra next to him. Her face makeup is smudged and there are tear tracks on her cheeks but she's looking at him with the most loving smile. He stands up. She puts both her hands on his face.
"Beast Boy, that was amazing," she says, completely in awe. A few late tears slip from her lids. He looks around at the audience who are all looking at him. Cyborg comes behind him and slaps him on the back aggressively.
"I didn't know you had it in you grass stain!" he booms. Garfield feels himself chuckle but his being feels a little disconnected from his body. He peaks over Terra's shoulder and Starfire looks about ready to explode. She is practically vibrating. Garfield is sure she'd burst through the ceiling if Nightwing wasn't holding onto her hand so tightly. Nightwing looks...proud. Something about that makes Garfield's eyes sting. He knows Nightwing loves him but between the stink ball and the corny jokes, it wasn't always that Nightwing admired Garfield.
He receives compliments like this from his costars and the Titans as they all begin to trickle out of the theatre to the after party. He has never felt bigger or more humbly blessed in his life. He and Terra are the last people in the theatre.
"Listen," she says when Starfire and Nightwing leave. "I'm sorry about what I said before."
"I know. I am too," he says, settling back down into his seat. She squeezes his hand.
"I am so beyond proud of you," she says, and her eyes become glossy with tears. He gives her a closed lip smile and squeezes her hand again. She stands up and shoots him a questioning look when he doesn't stand up with her. He puts a hand over hers to quiet her worries.
"I just...need to sit here a while. Kinda doesn't feel real." Garfield says in a very small voice. Terra smiles, the jewels in her hair twinkling in the low lighting.
"I get it," she says, placing a simple kiss on his cheek. "I'll catch up with Nightwing and Starfire and meet you there, okay?"
He nods.
When she leaves the room Garfield feels himself collapse into his chair. He can't believe he did it. All those long nights. Going to sets at 5 am with injuries from battles with Plasmus. He feels his throat tighten as he plays with his chain.
"She would have been proud of you."
His head snaps up. Raven is walking towards him in a giant Hanes sweater, rolled up jeans and white sneakers. He stands up quickly.
"How-" he clears his throat. "How long have you been here?"
"Whole movie."
Garfield gapes at her.
"I phased into the room where the man handles the film and projector. It was quieter there. Didn't have to worry about the crowd."
Garfield nods dazedly and sits back down. Raven walks up and gestures to the seat next to him.
"Can I sit?" she asks, pulling a strand of hair behind her ear.
"It was your seat."
"Right," Raven mumbles and sits in her chair. She draws her knees to her chest. Garfield feels a tightening in his chest about how small and adorable she looks. She could stop the world and yet she could fit her whole body in these tiny chairs.
"You look comfy," he says, feeling an easy smile slip on his face.
"Well I certainly wasn't going to wear a dress," she says. The laughter escapes his lips like bubbles. They sit for a few moments in a comfortable silence looking at the empty screen in front of them.
"She would have been proud of you," Raven says again and Garfield turns to her with a brow arched. She's looking at something on his chest. He realizes he's playing with his chain.
"Rita, I mean." Raven says, playing with her shoe laces. Garfield feels his whole body still.
"I know that's why you do all of this," Raven says, lifting her hand and waving it around. Garfield fixates on her delicate fingers as they weave through the air. He imagines her magic swimming between her fingers. "For Rita." Raven finishes and Garfield looks back at her eyes again. He notices she's not wearing any makeup and yet her skin looks completely smooth and clean.
"She would have loved seeing you do this," Raven says. "You were like...Gregory Peck."
Garfield feels a breath escape his lips. "Sorry...just...Roman Holiday was one of Rita's favorite movies," he says even though his throat feels weirdly tight and awkward.
"I know."
"What?"
"Rita and I used to talk," Raven says, shrugging. Garfield feels himself smiling again despite himself.
"You used to talk?" he asks in disbelief. "To Rita?" Raven crosses her arms, looking slightly peeved. She shrugs.
"Yes...about things."
"Oh!" Garfield exclaims. Nodding as if Raven had just clarified everything. "You used to talk about things. My bad. Of course you used to talk about things." He teases, wiggling his fingers whenever he says 'things.'
"Gar…" Raven says, looking him up and down. It is then that he realized how close he's gotten to her. Definitely closer than she's allowed before. He hears Irma saying something about "boundaries" in the back of his mind. Still, it takes him a few seconds to put a respectable amount of space between them.
"Are you coming to the after party?" he asks, when the tingling he just felt in his stomach settles down. Raven shoots him a look. He raises his hands.
"Got it."
"I'm going to leave now," she says, standing abruptly and he feels himself standing with her. He's smiling at her; his cheeks hurt. She looks up at him and bites her lips. Then she smiles. Not one of her smirks but a full smile. It's enough to make Garfield feel like he needs to sit down again.
And suddenly he can't see her face because she's wrapped him in a tight hug. He feels the breath leave his lungs.
"I'm happy for you." Her breath manages to find its way through the buttons of his button up and tickles the hair on his chest. He feels his chest expand.
And suddenly she's gone, before he can even wrap his arms around her too.