Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters.
Chapter Sixty-Three: A mission for Toga
The following morning, despite the many emotions of the previous day, they all woke up perfectly rested. At breakfast, not even Sesshomaru's sharp glances and the ever-present tension between the two half-brothers could spoil the family's mood.
They replicated familiar rituals to perfection, organized the day and set the two guests' departure for midday.
By now, that first moment in Inuyasha and Kagome's house was much quieter than it used to be, and it was probably also due to Toga, who had begun to eat more orderly over the years. Or, at least, he had followed in his father's footsteps and learned that food tasted better in his mouth than on his clothes.
In particular, that morning, it was more varied, since Rin was a guest and Kagome, as her healer, had preferred to give her healthy food, ignoring her husband and younger son's complaints.
When later the priestess took the woman with her to gather herbs and stretch her legs, and her sons went to practice with Shippo, Inuyasha and Sesshomaru inevitably remained alone as Jaken had also been sent away with Ah-Un.
The two brothers stood in silence for a while, observing the clearing that surrounded the house.
In recent years, it was common to find them in that position. Although to say that they were perfectly comfortable being alone was wrong, many things had changed in eighteen years, and one of them was that the half-demon no longer felt a deep discomfort at being alone with his brother, nor did he feel the need to fill that void at any cost. On the other hand, Sesshomaru kept his usual cold façade, and it was impossible to notice a change in him at first sight. However, considering that sometimes those silences necessarily turned into conversations, he had learned to tolerate the one he once didn't even want to see and the sound of his voice, which in the past he had described as more annoying than Jaken's.
Thus, they remained silent longer than was necessary before either of them ventured to speak. As always, Inuyasha was the first one to break the silence.
"This is the first time I've really had a chance to take a good look at Rin since her pregnancy was announced. She really does look better." And it was true. There was no trace of the dark aura that had surrounded her a few years before; that was just one of the things that worried him and Kagome the most, knowing what was going to happen. Not that he would tell his brother.
"Hn," the latter nodded, without adding anything else.
"Are the rumours at the castle still many?" he asked again since he had been missing from the western lands for a few months due to commitments that had kept him in the village — of which Sesshomaru had been less than enthusiastic. However, the impending arrival of an heir had softened the dai-youkai somewhat, no matter how much he pretended otherwise.
"What pointless questions you make, Inuyasha," he replied. As if they could ever stop. "Did they ever stop with the rumours about you and your family?"
Inuyasha rolled his eyes. Figures! It was obvious he would answer that way.
"In any case, you will hear it with your own ears. They should use their time to make themselves useful and commit to maintaining their place. It will not take me long to hunt down those who only waste their breath and do not complete their duties." It would not be the first or the last time. Moreover, it seemed that Sesshomaru had become even stricter on this rule since Goro had been kicked out of the council. Since then, the number of demons losing their privileges through inertia had increased, and no one missed them.
But the last thing the half-demon wanted to think about was when they would return to the West. Nevertheless, he said, "We will arrive as already arranged. Unless something happens that requires our presence earlier."
"Do you expect anything to happen?" Sesshomaru growled in response, partly reminiscent of a dog ready to bite. Certain it was, Inuyasha thought, that his brother was not living his mate's pregnancy with the peace of mind he wanted the others to believe he had. More importantly, it seemed like doubts and suspicions about what Inuyasha and Kagome knew of the future had not entirely disappeared in the dog demon's mind.
He hoped there would not be a repeat of what had happened last time, but... he had the words of that afternoon in the future well in mind, even if 18 years had passed. "Geez, Sesshomaru! It was just for saying; anything could happen, you could send for me for anything!"
"Hn," nodded the other, restraining himself from adding more and sounding like someone he wasn't, someone who was controlled by unfounded fears or brooded too much about useless things. He wasn't like that, nor would he give his half-brother the satisfaction of seeing him in that light. Finally, he walked in the same direction Kagome and Rin had disappeared.
"Oi," Inuyasha exclaimed, surprised that the conversation had already ended there. "Now, where would you be going?"
"Not that it's any of your problems, Inuyasha, but I will do what you are obviously not capable of doing. You may let your mate alone, but I'd rather stand by mine and behave like a real demon," he taunted him and, at the same time, judged him for how Inuyasha led his life.
The half-demon snorted, rolling his eyes. He had learned long ago that it was useless to let Sesshomaru provoke him. He then turned his back on him and decided to join his sons to relieve some stress with an intensive workout.
Weeks went by, life in the village resumed with the usual rhythms, and the new couple entered perfectly into that routine without even being considered a novelty anymore since other marriages and new births had already stolen their attention.
What didn't want to return to normal, however, was Toga's still brooding mood. Conversations with his father and older brother hadn't helped him accept reality, and he still struggled to grasp the concept whenever he found himself observing those around him.
More than once, friends or family had caught him with his head in the clouds, his brow furrowed, and that characteristic pout he had inherited from his father.
It was known, however, that Inuyasha was not a patient person. In fact, although he was the one who had long ago said "He'll get over it", he was also the quickest to react.
The morning he got fed up with his son's behaviour, no one could have imagined the outcome, not even Kagome, who knew him so well.
The half-demon was trying to finish his breakfast as Kagome and Muteki moved around the room busily when he snapped at the sound of yet another sigh from Toga, sitting in the doorway doing nothing.
He placed his chopsticks on the table, trying not to immediately react as he always had when he was younger — because, unfortunately, his son had inherited his temper as well. "I've had enough!" The way his body shook from restrained anger and the harsh tone were enough for everyone to freeze.
"Inuyasha?" his wife tried to investigate, looking at him apprehensively and wondering what had triggered that outburst. She hadn't paid too much attention to her youngest son's mood that day, perhaps because she'd gotten used to it a bit and hoped the phase would pass quickly.
But her husband ignored her and, instead, turned to Toga, looking at him with wide eyes, having immediately recognized his father's furious aura. The way he was peeking at him, then, was another clue. "You," he said, pointing a finger at him, "are you going to keep this up all your life?"
"I don't know what you're talking about, pops," was the reply.
Inuyasha narrowed his eyes. "Oh, yeah? Good." He stood up and straightened his shoulders, regaining some control. "Kagome, you don't need to prepare; Toga will be the one to accompany me for that exorcism."
That drew even more attention.
Muteki and Toga gaped at him, the former a little hurt at the idea of his father choosing his younger brother instead of him, even though he had asked so many times, and the latter with his eyes shining with excitement. He didn't understand how it had happened, but he didn't mind that development at all.
"Oh, you'll be laughing a little less later, Toga," Inuyasha mused before turning to his wife and expecting the fight to break out shortly. "Go get ready, Toga. Muteki, you go too; your mother and I need to talk."
"But..." his eldest tried to say; a look from both parents silenced him. Thus, he left the room with a dark face, not saying another word, and ignoring his brother's attempts to provoke him.
"I hope this is a joke, Inuyasha," Kagome hissed, her eyes reduced to two slits and her hands on her hips. It was the pose the half-demon preferred least and that, after all those years, still continued to scare him a little. He gulped loudly and tried to calm her down.
"No, listen to me, koishii."
"Oh, it won't work, dear," she continued. "What is this all about? Why should he go with you? He's only fifteen, for heaven's sake! Muteki is two years older, and you have always answered him negatively every time he's asked you. Have you lost your mind? Who knows what could go wrong! We agreed I would accompany you in Miroku's absence; I will not let my son — who is still, for all intents and purposes, a pup — go for an exorcism without even a little preparation!"
Okay, the sweet words weren't going to do any good this time; they never worked. He ran a hand through his hair and began again, "Listen to me, Kagome — and for heaven's sake, don't call him a pup anymore! You're not helping him or our situation — I have my reasons and-"
"What situation?" she retorted angrily. "He's fifteen years old, Inuyasha, fifteen! He's a demon; he still has plenty of time-"
"And at fifteen, you were roaming these lands on the back of a half-demon you didn't know, going after demons that you grow up considering legends, one of those stories your grandfather used to fill your head with and you thought it was all bullshit!" he interrupted her, raising his voice. "Yet, I seem to recall your mother never made all those complaints!"
She gave him a blazing look. "Don't try to compare my case to his. Everything was different, it was-"
"Oh, I do compare it, Kagome. I do make a difference! At least, Toga grew up in this era, not in an all rosy way, where all you have to do to eat is go to the supermarket and to sleep you have comfortable beds complete with pillows and duvets! Who do you think is more prepared? The younger version of you, who couldn't even hold a bow and wore a skirt, or your son, who is part demon and has been trained to use both his youki and his reiki since day one?"
Kagome glared at him, annoyed partly because Inuyasha had brought up those arguments and partly because she knew her mate was absolutely right.
"When will you stop treating him like a child? He's not! Despite the demon blood in his body... Toga... is... not a child, he's not a pup!" he emphasized. "What do you think somehow triggered this situation? That mood of his? He sees everyone around him growing up and becoming men, as his mother continues to consider and call him a pup, and his father reminds him that maturity will still take a long time to come!"
Kagome fell silent, her mouth still half-open because of what she was about to say. Frustrated, Inuyasha brought his hands to his hair again, turning around and closing his eyes, trying to calm himself down. It wouldn't do any good to get pissed off at his mate now; he just needed her to understand and trust him. "Please listen to me before you get angry. I have my reasons."
She took a big breath and then motioned for him to continue. Inuyasha took that as a good sign and approached her, brushing his hand over her arm and then bringing it up higher and higher until it cupped her cheek. "Koi..." his tone as deep as his gaze. Kagome closed her eyes, unable to stare back at him. She leaned into him as he took her in his arms and began to gently stroke her hair.
"You know how hard it was to get a few words out of his mouth. He won't talk about it or get over it. He runs away at every opportunity, but if he comes with me... if he's distracted by the idea of finally being able to take part in an exorcism..."
"You want him to be in a good mood and then question him," she murmured with a faint voice.
"Exactly. I don't want to play the bad parent; I'd only succeed in getting him locked up even more. I want to have a decent conversation with him...I think I'm the only one who can understand him. Well, other than Muteki."
"And you're sure he won't spend the whole time with his mouth shut? You know how he is; he takes after you in stubbornness."
The half-demon chuckled. "Ah, right. Since you're the most accommodating person in this world."
Kagome poked him in the chest, joking. "Hey."
"Give me some credit; I know my son. Did you see the way he changed his expression? He'll be in too good of a mood to understand what I'm up to."
"Meanwhile, to help one, you displeased the other. Muteki will be mad at you for days for this betrayal." If there was one thing the two brothers had in common, it was their admiration for their father, which grew by the day, and they never missed an opportunity to flaunt their achievements in front of him. As a result, the competition — the good kind — was never lacking. Inuyasha deciding to take Toga with him first had hurt Muteki no small amount, and it would be up to Kagome to console her eldest son until Inuyasha could explain his reasons.
The admiration they had for him had always moved Inuyasha. He, who had never had a father and had never imagined having a family, had kept within himself the fear of not being enough. And he still couldn't get over the fact that it was so easy.
Not that anything about parenting was easy, they still had their bad moments — as the current situation with Toga proved — but what astounded him was how effortlessly he had managed to create a stable bond with them, to be loved and the role model they could look up to. To be that person, he had grown and matured, which still moved Kagome.
He maintained the gruff behaviour he once had and had only opened up to people who were truly close to him, but Inuyasha had grown into a splendid man and father; he was no longer that immature boy who insistently sought his place in the world and was willing to change himself to do so.
The half-demon made to answer her when looking at her and noticed her teary eyes, that loving expression she reserved only for him, not even for their children, the one for which he thanked every day the lucky star that had literally sent Kagome to him.
He cupped her face again. "Hey, what's wrong?"
She shook her head as she blinked, and a lone tear streaked down her face; Inuyasha immediately wiped it away. "It's just... it's just..." she leaned her head against his chest. "I love you so much... and this feeling sometimes hits me so hard, even after all these years that I can't breathe, that I can feel my chest..."
He stopped her babbling with a chaste kiss and then forced her to look into his eyes. Her vision was blurry, but she could easily make out that same overflowing feeling in her mate's golden eyes. "Hey, it's okay," he whispered tenderly to her. "I love you, too, and it's never going to change. And when you look at me like that..." he exhaled. "Hell, Kagome, when you look at me like that, I don't know what I did to deserve you." Then he lowered his face again, stealing another longer, intense kiss from her, showing her how true the words he had just spoken were.
When they broke away, catching her breath a little, Kagome giggled. "To thank me, as soon as you're back, you're going to talk to your other son and promise him whatever he wants — as long as it's reasonable — to make it up to him and make sure he doesn't sulk as long as his younger brother."
Inuyasha arched an eyebrow, the moment now gone. "You do know, don't you, that he's going to ask me to take him with me during another exorcism?"
Kagome huffed, crossing her arms. "Of course, I know that! It's all your fault!" She hit him in the chest again.
"But you love meeee," he hummed, placing his lips on hers a third time. "And we know you can't resist me," he added, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. His mate blushed, but held her ground, not giving in to him. "Yes, you do," the half-demon stated firmly, pulling her into a hug. "And you also know that your children are old enough to deal with this thing and all the others to come because they have been trained by the most powerful priestess ever — they have the blood of the strongest and bravest miko ever in their veins. It'll be okay, koishii; we'll get through this one too," he whispered to her, referring not only to Toga's mood.
By then, Kagome was crying uncontrollably in his arms, venting weeks and weeks of accumulated stress, and when it was time to leave, it was so late that father and son wouldn't be back until nightfall. They would have to stay the night.
After making sure Kagome was feeling better, kissing her one more time — and again, and again — Inuyasha grabbed Tessaiga and headed for the tool shed behind the house, where he had sent Toga to get ready. Predictably, he didn't find Muteki.
"Are you ready?" he asked his youngest, then raised an eyebrow, noticing the bow in his hand. Over the years, Kagome had taught them whatever could be taught as far as the use of their spiritual power was concerned. As a result, they both knew how to use the bow, among other things. His son moved his head affirmatively, his body vibrating with excitement.
"And you got permission for that?" he pointed to the weapon, the same one Kagome had received to defeat Naraku.
"Um," the boy replied. "You see, I..." he scratched the back of his head nervously and lowered his gaze. For once, it was nice to see his son with an expression other than a pout.
"Go ahead and ask her; your mother is already unhappy with the situation." Toga set off without a word, except to be interrupted by his father again, "And are you sure you want to take it away from her? What if we're away and something were to happen?"
The truth was that his protective instincts had only increased over the years; even though he knew Kagome was entirely capable of defending herself, that few demons dared to attack the village now, that this wasn't the first trip during which he left home, Inuyasha was still as anxious as the first time. Therefore, he preferred his wife to have her weapon of choice with her, but at the same time, he had no heart to say no to his son. But if he made him doubt as well...
Over the years, there had been many bows of all sizes, but when they were old enough to handle them, Kagome had had her children practice with her own; they had both immediately felt the importance of the weapon and the sentiment behind it. As a result, they had had no difficulty bonding to it equally. It wasn't the same thing that bound Inuyasha to Tessaiga or what would one day be their sword, but it was no small matter.
Toga seemed to reflect on his father's words for a few seconds, and Inuyasha saw the exact moment when the same protective instincts arose in him at the idea of his mother alone in the house — of course, his brother didn't even exist in his mind at that moment. He straightened his shoulders, froze for a second, and then turned around, hanging his mother's bow in its place and replacing it with his own.
When they left the shed, Inuyasha followed his son with an amused smile on his face; he really knew how to play that game.
As he sent Toga off to say goodbye to his mother, he headed for the place where he was most likely to find Muteki. It was a small stream hidden in the forest behind the house, usually empty and known to few. When they were little, Muteki and Toga had started calling it their secret place, and the name had stuck ever since for the whole family. It was also where they unconsciously always took refuge.
The seventeen-year-old was there, legs to his chest, face forward, and the longest pout Inuyasha had ever seen on his face. That sight stopped his heart for half a second. The truth was that he shared many traits with his mother; seeing that expression on Muteki's face sometimes had more effect than seeing it on Toga's.
At first glance, the two brothers still held traits in common: the long, shiny silver hair, the fair skin, the deep golden gaze, the sweet and sometimes cheeky smile, and the slender but not fully developed body. However, at a closer look, one could see small differences that make them dissimilar from one another.
If Toga's facial forms were identical to Inuyasha's, Muteki had inherited his mother's, which were especially accentuated with some particular expression. Toga liked to leave his hair loose and messy, like everything else about his appearance; Muteki tied his always in a ponytail and made a show of his order and organization skills. The youngest was slightly shorter than the eldest, a difference probably also due to a less rigid and straight posture and not just age.
But at the risk of becoming a victim of sentimentality, Inuyasha had to admit he loved to see them getting along, joking and laughing, behaving as two brothers really should have, knowing they had had the chance that he and Sesshomaru didn't when they were young. Side by side, with identical smiles, in those moments any physical differences disappeared.
Silently, but with no illusions that his son had not already heard him, the half-demon walked over and sat down next to him. They didn't speak for a few minutes, and Muteki never turned to look at him; he preferred to stare at the flowing water with that sullen expression painted on his face.
"I know you're mad, boy," he began, "but I didn't do it because I think your brother is better than you or to make you feel sorry, although I'm sure both of those things have been on your mind more than once since you took refuge here." Muteki still did not move or open his mouth. However, he stiffened even more and clenched his jaw, amazingly maintaining his pout. "I also know that anything I say now will be useless, so I won't waste many words; I'll save them for when I return." He froze for a few seconds, then resumed, "I came to tell you to look after your mother while I'm away; we won't make it back by tonight now. And try to help her; she's got a lot on her mind right now. She's emotional, and a little comfort wouldn't hurt."
Still no response. Same pout. Same stiff body.
Inuyasha sighed, then ruffled his hair before standing up. Muteki turned to give him a dirty look — capable of almost making him gulp for how similar to Kagome's it was — and shook his head to get rid of his father's touch.
In response, Inuyasha laughed before repeating the same recommendations and walking away. But as he did so, he continued to dread, as an automatic reaction, hearing a "sit" that would send him face to the ground. He couldn't believe how much that boy looked like his mother, even when he acted like him.
He had seriously sweated under that look just moments before.
Goodbyes said, lunch taken, and a thousand recommendations later, Inuyasha and Toga set out. At their fastest pace, they would reach their destination before sunset, just in time to take care of the exorcism.
The half-demon counted on getting rid of whatever was giving the villagers trouble, asking the chief for hospitality for the night and leaving after breakfast. By that time tomorrow, he wanted to be back.
No, he definitely hadn't learned to stay away from Kagome. And to think that he had had some training in that sense during those years.
Their outward journey continued peacefully, and father and son exchanged just a few quiet words because the former had already decided he would deal with their problem on the way back. He didn't want to spoil Toga's mood for his first mission ever — because whichever way he started, Inuyasha knew the boy would be annoyed. He took after him in every way, after all. Except for the smile — that was all his mother.
The village that had requested their services knew them well. They'd asked for Miroku and him for years whenever they needed, and in those rare instances when the monk hadn't been able to — very rare, indeed, since Miroku never missed an opportunity to earn a living —, it had been Kagome who had accompanied him. Therefore, that strange pairing of spiritualists and demons, one that had become more and more popular over the years, was not only known but also well-liked for the help they had provided over time.
In fact, the business that had begun after Naraku's defeat, and had been helped in the early days by the fame, was still going strong. Inuyasha, Kagome and Sango made sure Miroku didn't ask for absurd prices to avoid losing "customers" and they also tried not to ruin business for other slayers in the area.
Then again, they had also learned that one should not steal the "customer" dishonestly and watch the areas of interest well. Some villages still followed in the same footsteps as Sango's family and others relied on their own spiritual figures. But how many others could boast of such a diverse and effective group of exorcists?
In doing so, they had created their own "circle" and a clientele that didn't hesitate to call on them when needed. The great thing about the village they were travelling to was the open-mindedness that always made it stick out; in fact, it was not a given. Yet, it still happened that people who considered Inuyasha a simple "familiar" kept under control by the monk or the priestess thanks to his "collar" requested them. In those cases, the half-demon had learned to contain his anger towards certain ignorant people — even if he liked to growl more pronouncedly to scare them off as soon as he could.
Therefore, the fact that there was no spiritual figure next to him now did not bother Inuyasha in the least, nor did he worry about his son. He knew that the headman would open his arms to him.
When they reached the borders, the man greeted them with his usual benevolence and a few more questions. He was surprised to see Toga, but in addition to complimenting Inuyasha on such a handsome and grown-up boy — "the eyes are all his mother," he affirmed, even though Toga was the one who least resembled Kagome — he immediately put them to work.
And it was then that all the young demon's enthusiasm for his first adventure vanished. The great quest he had waited fifteen years for, the one in which he had beaten his older brother to the punch and planned to brag about for weeks on end, turned out to be nothing more than a cursed object.
Toga gazed desolately at the mirror, which the young woman said would suck the energy out of those reflected in it until the vengeful spirit inside took their place.
Behind him, Inuyasha was laughing merrily. He had set his son up for real. Probably the argument he'd had with Kagome had also convinced Toga that the mission was even more dangerous and, therefore, important.
"Well, son?" he asked nonchalantly. "What are you waiting for? Can't you see how that poor woman is already wasting away? We must drive out this spirit as soon as possible. Prepare this ofuda!"
"Is that all I have to do?" asked the boy in bewilderment. "And-and the bow? Why did you make me bring it if you knew it wouldn't help?"
The half-demon rolled his eyes and then arched an eyebrow. "It seems obvious to me; you must always be on your toes. You must always carry a weapon with you."
Toga huffed and, with a serious frown on his face, walked over to the mirror. Inside, each woman saw her reflection younger and more invigorated; she appeared more beautiful. The men claimed to have had a vision of the most splendid and gentle woman of all time, the one who would come to them and love them.
Father and son had snorted loudly at hearing these tall tales. But when Inuyasha, too, had leaned toward the reflective surface, he had been almost caught in the spell.
Toga, on the other hand, probably thanks to his spiritual power, immediately spotted the culprit, a fox demon with thick blonde hair and just as many shiny tails behind him. However, the mask of rage she wore, directed solely at the quarter demon, disfigured whatever beauty she had ever held. The Kitsune, in fact, had immediately sensed the difference from the others.
The young man wondered what on earth had turned her into such an enraged spirit. His mother had often told him of similar episodes, reminding him that there was an explanation behind everything... and a story.
"Hurry up, Toga; there's no time to lose," his father hurried him, interrupting his thoughts. "You don't want to go on mirroring or engaging in conversation."
"Ah... of course, yes. S-sure," he replied, caught off guard. From the pocket of his hakama, he pulled out an already loaded ofuda and carefully placed it on the surface of the mirror. In a few seconds, a blow of Tessaiga annihilated the fox — that now appeared majestic outside that small shelter — as the villagers observed in wonder the young demon that had just used reiki.
It wasn't something you saw every day, after all.
Meanwhile, Toga's shoulders slumped, realizing that the day's enthusiasm was definitely wasted.
Inuyasha gave him a powerful pat to shake him and then, circling his shoulders, led him towards the headman's house, where a procession was already headed. On his face, a bright smile showed his sharp canines.
As relatively simple an exorcism as that had been, it was still his son's first, and he was damn proud of it. He would make sure to share his point of view over dinner.
The evening passed just as quietly, and after a few more pouts, Toga was convinced. He drank a toast with all the others for having saved the soul of the young woman who would soon become the bride of the next headman. And the following morning, as planned, the two of them had a frugal breakfast, pocketed their compensation and headed home.
On any other day, Inuyasha would have flashed another big smile that he reserved only for his mate; but the idea of the conversation he would soon have with his son clouded his good mood a little.
The first half-hour passed, silent except for the sound of their footsteps and the nature around them, and Inuyasha decided to speak.
He looked out of the corner of his eye at his son, and then, sighing, he opened the conversation, "Say, Toga, what do you remember of my tales about my mother?"
The quarter demon froze, surprised. His father never talked about his grandmother; that was common knowledge. What few things he knew had been told to him as a result of intrusive requests made as a child, and he had never told his mother anything in particular either. Where was this question coming from?
"Well, you never talk about it; you don't like it," he replied as a matter of fact. "I know the bare minimum."
Inuyasha nodded, turning his gaze in front of him. "And do you know why I never do?" he asked again.
Toga shrugged, resuming his run. "I guess it's because you're not comfortable doing it?" he attempted. "Mom says it makes you sad to remember Grandma."
The half-demon ignored the fact that his son had just made him look weak and continued, "It's been a long time, and a human in my place would say the memory is now faded. But the truth is, it's harder for demons to forget...both the good and the bad." He cleared his throat. "I'm an adult now, yet the memory of my mother will always be associated with what my childhood eyes saw. She was a beautiful woman."
The son nodded. "Yes, even grand-, I mean... Uncle Sesshomaru's mother says so. And I remember the painting in your study." Growing up, both he and Muteki had lost the habit of calling Kimi "obaa-chan," understanding better why she wasn't really related to them, but they still happened to get confused from time to time.
"And she died very young," Inuyasha finally added. "Her death represented the fall of all previous childhood illusions for me, and I saw for the first time what the world is really like, though I still didn't understand why." He cleared his throat a second time. It was damn hard to talk; he had never done it even with Kagome. However, he knew that for Toga to understand the difference between the world of humans and the world of demons, to make him understand how precious time was, he had to share his own experience. And also what luck he had.
It was damn hard to dust off childhood memories he had buried for so long, experiences he would never wish on his worst enemy, and the memory of a child who had grown up too soon.
"But most of all, I understood, for the first time, human frailty. For a child, a fatherly figure — or motherly in my case — is invincible; it's your shield. Losing my mother as a child, seeing her..." he froze, "seeing her in all her weakness showed me not only how wrong I was, but how much I had taken certain things for granted. My time with her had already passed, and I was alone."
Toga peered at his father, still stubbornly not looking at him, and listened to his weaker-than-usual voice, the way it cracked, despite himself, in more than one place. Why was she telling him all that? Why was he broaching a subject — and a memory — that clearly made him feel bad? He wished he could tell him there was no need to talk about it, that he knew, even without these tales, how much he had loved his mother for what little time he had had...as much as he loved his.
His father was a man who gave his whole heart, no matter how much he always wanted to appear gruff or uncaring.
There were no half measures.
He could picture him just fine: a child as he had once been, with the addition of a pair of white ears, following the young princess wherever she went and looking at her with proud, adoring eyes.
But before he could add anything, Inuyasha beat him to the punch. "For so long, I went on wondering what I could have done differently by going back in time, how I could have helped her... saved her. And do you know what answer I came to?"
Toga shook his head, unable to utter a word, when his father finally turned to face him, looking at him with golden eyes that had never been so expressive. The pain, but more importantly the regret he read in them, was something he would never have wanted on his face.
"Going back I couldn't have changed her fate...but I could have taken advantage of it and better cherish every second I had spent with her. Time goes by so fast for humans, but sometimes even faster. Sometimes, they are gone so fast that we find ourselves staring at a barren grave wondering why we didn't appreciate what we had more instead of complaining." The smile that appeared on his face was nostalgic and sad.
"Dad!" Toga finally exclaimed. "I'm sure you made the most of all the time you had with Grandma, you couldn't have-"
"Do you really not see where I'm going with this speech?" Inuyasha burst out then. Then, he realized his tone was more altered than usual and softened it. He stopped and put his hand on his son's shoulder. "This whole story has a moral... I would never have told it otherwise. You said it yourself, didn't you? I don't like to talk about my mother, and I never told my children little stories like your mother always did."
Toga returned his gaze with wide eyes.
"You don't understand how lucky you were, you don't! When I was a kid, I would have given everything — the everything I didn't even have — for a family like yours, for friends, a place I could call my own."
"But you had Uncle Sesshomaru..." the boy muttered, bewildered.
Inuyasha laughed bitterly. "That's another story. And that's not the point. Toga," he stared into his eyes, "do you think I'm pleased to see you wasting your time on useless whims? Do you think you will always have a chance? Accept what you are as soon as possible...accept it, and you will save yourself more pain than you think. Look around and see what you have; don't take it for granted. And put off the crying for another time."
"But..." he tried again to say. His father smiled sadly at him. "But...how can I not look at the village around me that...that grows and I-I..." His eyes suddenly filled with tears, revealing the little boy that Toga still was, despite the appearances. He terribly remembered someone else.
Without giving it a second more thought, Inuyasha held him close and let him cry and vent all those bad thoughts that had gripped him during the past few weeks. Inuyasha let his son break down because he was there to support him, he and their family.
Toga clung to him, his fists clenched around the red fabric he had always associated with a sense of security and familiarity, and cried all the tears he had. He wept for what his father had lost and what he had always taken for granted. He wept for that new awareness and the disillusions he had just let go of.
He felt his father's embrace comfort him, his smell surrounded him, and he wept.
Toga felt so much shame for his attitude those last few weeks and, at the same time, he was grateful for the way his dad had opened up to him to let him know he was doing wrong, the lack of judgment because he welcomed him with open arms despite his mistakes.
His mother would say that was what any father or mother would have done, but Toga knew he had the best parents in the world. And now he understood even better why he was damn lucky.
When they arrived home late that morning, Kagome immediately noticed the change. Since it had been a few hours, Toga's face had regained its usual colour, his eyes were no longer red and his clothes no longer wrinkled. Still, one look and Kagome knew that her husband had completed his mission.
A squeak was heard, an "Oh, Toga!" exclaimed in a loud voice, and soon after, the quarter demon was swallowed up by her mother's embrace as well. He also had a hard time trying not to cry with her while she peppered him with kisses and told him how proud she was of him.
In the end, feeling a little sorry for his son, Inuyasha stopped laughing and helped him escape from his mother's grip and let him breathe. Watching the look and smile that Toga was giving his mother, he knew all would be well, and they would have no more problems.
At lunch, with much less enthusiasm than when he had left, Toga recounted his glorious... 20 seconds of heroism, to which he added the 3 minutes it had taken him to write and charge the ofuda used during the exorcism. The whole family congratulated him, although Shippo and Muteki did not spare him the teasing — after all, he deserved it.
As for Muteki, much to Inuyasha's relief since he couldn't handle another serious father-son talk for the day, there really wasn't much need to explain to him why he made that choice. Maybe it was because he'd noticed his little brother's better mood, or because he'd witnessed his mother's embrace with him, perhaps because after all, Toga's first exorcism had been anything but adventurous, but he proved he wasn't mad at his father at all.
But the next morning he'd start nagging Inuyasha again, hoping he'd bring him along next time — maybe even to defeat a big, scary demon, one surely more important than a vengeful spirit hidden in a mirror. Then again, it was necessary to get back on track and remind Toga he was always the strongest!
And Kagome would repeat they had both definitely inherited a strong competitive streak from their father, accentuated by the fact that they were two males born within a short distance. Yet, it didn't matter so much, especially if she could see Toga with the enthusiasm she had missed so much again.
It had been a rough few weeks, and seeing him discouraged like that had weighed heavily on her already worried shoulders. But fortunately, those times were over.
The family, however, didn't have much chance to rejoice or celebrate because just a couple of days later they were urgently summoned to the West — again.
When Kimi showed up in front of their house that evening, the dog demon was certainly more relaxed than she had been 10 years earlier. After all, although there was still a rush, she had come to announce what they had been waiting for so long; the natural consequence of 9 months of fervent and agitated anxiety.
But Kagome didn't need any of the words she spoke. As soon as she saw the silhouette of the demoness, she knew everything she needed to know.
Apparently, the time had come.
N/A: Hi there everyone! I know I should have updated weeks ago, but I had some health problems and a hard time recovering. I hope the chapter was worth the way and to read some of your comments.
Be safe wherever you are. Until next time!