Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters

Trigger Warning: You know already since I've said other times, but this chapter deals with the usual sensitive topics. I'm no doctor either, thus I've tried to keep every medical-related stuff to the bare minimum.

Besides, this chapter is also related to information Kagome and Inuyasha learnt in the modern era when the well was still opened. You may want to re-read Chapter 8 if you think you're missing things, but every time they speak/think about something future-related, both of them are referring to things said in that chapter.

Enjoy!

Chapter 64: No Answer

Kimi arrived in the evening, catching everyone off guard. Previously it had been decided that Inuyasha and his family would go West a little earlier to be there at the time of birth; Ah-Un's arrival would tell them when to leave.

However, the dog demoness's presence there that day had a whole different meaning. And Inuyasha and Kagome grasped it immediately.

What no one had imagined was Kagome's reaction. As soon as it became clear to her that it was the moment she had been waiting for, the one she had prepared for by studying when she was still on the other side of the well, the one that the Sesshomaru of the future had warned her about, Kagome panicked.

It was a natural consequence of suddenly feeling the entire weight of the world on her shoulders.

All the stress she had accumulated, everything that had worried her, the direct and indirect suffering, nothing compared to the terror that engulfed the young miko at that moment.

The world around her seemed to disappear for a moment and the ground shook under her feet. She lost her balance and became blind.

Inuyasha caught her in his arms before she could fall as he listened to her heartbeat become irregular and how she struggled to breathe. Around him, his sons and Kimi were equally concerned and tried to reach out to help her, but the half-demon abruptly pushed them away before taking his mate to their room, trying to calm her down.

Nothing, however, had the desired effect. He could only imagine what was going on in her mind and the reason behind it. He felt a blind rage invade him, a rage accompanied by the fear that Kimi's news had instilled in him.

For once the more lucid of the two, however, he understood it was not the time to panic, not when Kagome seemed on the verge of a breakdown.

He kept cradling her in his arms until he remembered something he had seen her do with a villager. He began to take deep breaths and exhale slowly, hoping she would do the same following his lead, not really knowing if it would do any good.

Finally, after what seemed like endless minutes, Inuyasha noticed a change. When he lowered his gaze to Kagome, he saw that she was looking at him with clear fright in her eyes.

"Oh, koishii," he whispered as softly as he could, hoping that Kimi wasn't intentionally eavesdropping.

"Inuyasha..." her voice was even weaker, "I'm afraid." The idea of being responsible for a life, more than one, scared her like never before. As a priestess and healer, she had saved so many people, but many others had not made it. And although Kaede had always told her that was the way life worked, she couldn't help but feel guilty.

What if she could have done more?

What if she had done it that other way, instead?

Would anything have changed?

Now, on top of that, it was an event she'd been preparing for, and although she'd met Sesshomaru and Rin in her old world, she couldn't help but think that the future was never set... and that everything could always change. All it took was a simple flap of wings.

"Hey, listen to me," he whispered gently, taking her chin between his fingers. "It's going to be okay." His eyes implored her to believe him, to have faith in him, but most of all in herself. "It will be all right," he repeated. "You're perfectly capable of overcoming this too. But right now," he continued cautiously, "you can't let yourself panic. You have to be clear-headed. You're a healer, aren't you?" He waited for her to nod, less uncertain, and then resumed, "Then find your cool and famous stubbornness again." He smiled and then sealed a kiss on her lips before getting up and gently setting her down.

He looked at her more seriously and, in an even lower, almost inaudible voice, murmured, "They're waiting for us out there. Try not to make Kimi suspicious, okay?"

Kagome nodded, understanding without fail what her mate was trying to tell her; they could not afford to raise any doubts in Sesshomaru or his mother. What was going to happen soon was difficult enough to deal with per se; there was no need to resurrect the dai-youkai's conspiracy theories — albeit partially true considering that Inuyasha and Kagome really did know things regarding their future.

Pulling herself together and straightening her shoulders, Kagome wore a proud and determined expression. She repeated the words Inuyasha had said to her moments before and everything she had studied and prepared. She could do this. She was perfectly capable.

When they returned to the main room, however, it wasn't Kimi's arched eyebrows or her children's anxious looks the problem but the means of transportation. From the way the demoness was talking, they needed to leave immediately — and urgency was the only reason she had come in person to get Kagome. Had they sent Ah-Un and waited for its return it would have taken too long.

However, Kimi couldn't take four people with her.

Before anyone else could even speak, Kagome said, "It means it will be just you and I going back to the castle, Kimi."

Inuyasha turned his head sharply towards her as if he had been physically affected by her suggestion since presupposed their separation. In her emotional state and with threats on the loose in the west, he didn't want her to leave without him.

"No way, Kagome; you're not going anywhere alone," he growled, glaring at her as soon as he recovered.

"Inuyasha," Kimi interjected, "I thought I made it clear; we don't have time for this pointless bickering."

He, who had stopped arguing with the demoness for years now, looked at her angrily. "Pointless? Given past incidents, I think it's my duty to worry about my mate and eliminate the possibility that she might be alone at the castle. And since when are you no longer able to bring more than one person? I'll come too," he concluded in a tone that didn't allow replies.

"Boy, you talk as if we weren't there to protect her. I thought you'd more faith in your brother's means by now," she reiterated.

"Inuyasha!" hissed Kagome, "you're not coming with me; you're staying with the boys! Do you mean to tell me that you would rather they travel alone?"

"For crying out loud," the half-demon snapped, now beginning to have enough of the theatrics. He just wanted to make sure the woman he loved was protected; was that too much to ask? "Kagome," he begged her unusually, "I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you while I'm not there."

She approached him, a tender look on her face. "Nothing will happen to me, koi. But it's important that I go right away; you know that the more minutes go by, the more mother and pup are at risk. Sesshomaru and Kimi will be there with me." With her eyes, she begged him to let it go; her fear of making a mistake and not being able of doing what she was meant to do was increasing every second she remained in the village. Besides, he couldn't let Muteki and Toga stay alone since they were now old enough to insist on going to the palace with them. She knew that, even if Inuyasha left with her and ordered the boys not to move, they would not obey.

It broke her heart to be separated from her mate when she needed him most — and she knew that Inuyasha only wanted to stay by her side to help her — but she had no choice.

Nothing more needed to be said, and the young woman read defeat in Inuyasha's pained expression and drooping shoulders.

"Kagome," Kimi spoke again to remind her that there was no time to waste. The haste in her tone was evident.

The miko only nodded, not looking away from her husband. Then, she brought their faces together and kissed him lightly as Inuyasha clenched his eyes to hide his pain. Her slender fingers remained on his cheek for a few more seconds, caressing him. "Come soon," she whispered to him before pulling away and hurriedly hugging the boys, reminding them to be careful.

After a few seconds, they were off.

Inuyasha watched the trail they left behind with a heavy heart and a mixture of emotions inside.

When they reached the palace, they immediately went to the delivery room, where two healers were already at Rin's side trying to help her during that first phase.

According to her calculations, the labour had begun prematurely, but it was also true that without modern technology Kagome could never be completely sure. A demon's keen sense of smell, at least, helped her in that regard.

Besides, already knowing the conclusion of that night, she naturally wondered what would go wrong. Did she have a chance to save the baby despite everything?

The answer to that last question, however, hid a pitfall; Kagome could not change the past. She knew that doing so would risk serious inconsistencies in the timeline in which she was born, and, there, Sesshomaru and Rin's only child was barely fifty years old.

Still, the idea of not even trying to help this soon-to-be-born pup seemed too cruel to her. At that moment, then, she vowed to try her hardest to make sure they both survived and to hell with the consequences.

What Kagome hadn't accounted for was that there was a limit to the miracles she could perform. No matter how much more informed she was than the healers of that century, a birth in the feudal era could go wrong in a thousand different ways.

It was a truth she had learned very well over the years, one she tried not to be influenced by every time such a case happened; she always tried to work to the best of her ability to successfully complete whatever operation. With all the disappointments and pain she had experienced, then, Kagome should have been used to it and aware of it by now, but whenever something went wrong, a small piece of her inevitably died.

She had never been naive enough to believe that she could always save everyone, but how could she not feel remorse?

And that's exactly what happened that night with Rin.

It had been a hectic few hours, and the priestess, with the help of the two demonesses, had tried her best. They had attempted to make the experience as painless as possible for Rin — although any childbirth always implied a fairly high dose of fatigue and suffering — and had assisted her in the most crucial moments.

However, all efforts proved futile, and Kagome — tired, drained and tried — found herself overwhelmed by guilt as she took Sesshomaru and Rin's daughter in her arms.

The child — a beautiful little girl with a full head of brunette hair like her mother and two touch-insensitive dog ears that looked so much like her uncle's except in colour — was stillborn.

When she held her, bloodied and still, pale and bluish, Kagome felt her heart break. And whatever they tried to do to revive her was useless.

The more rational part of her would have said it was a victory to have saved Rin; after all, she had been preparing for that moment for years, and she knew that the Sesshomaru of the future had asked her to save his mate, not his daughter. Inwardly, she knew she should be satisfied she had averted a tragedy and protected Rin so that, in the future, she could become the mature and happy woman she had met. She had achieved her goal.

But in her heart, in those agonizing moments, there was no room for any positive feelings.

Finally, looking up at Rin, who was staring at her imploringly, her arms outstretched, Kagome couldn't say anything; her eyes clouded with tears were worth more than a thousand words.

It didn't matter that she had saved her friend because, as far as she was concerned, Kagome had failed.

Seeing Rin sobbing into that little body while her own was shaking was too much even for Kagome, and she looked away. After wiping away her tears and trying unsuccessfully to compose herself, she made sure nothing else was out of place with Rin and instructed the two demonesses who had been assisting her to continue with what she was currently unable to do.

She felt overwhelmed by a flood of negative emotions that threatened to take her breath away, but mostly by guilt for not doing enough.

She turned her back on the woman she now considered a sister and covered her face with her hands, letting herself go for a few more minutes to that pain that was trying to kill her from the inside.

Then, she recomposed herself, thinking she had no right to feel so bad when the suffering she felt would never equal that of Rin, who in a matter of seconds had become a mother and then had had that title cruelly ripped away from her.

She didn't have to succumb to the pain just yet. She knew from what she had been told years ago that this endless night was not over yet, even though the first rays of sunlight were already reaching her through the window.

Casting one last glance at Rin, she went outside.

As she slipped the shoji she remained with her face down for a few seconds longer, already sensing the two demonic presences behind her.

Sesshomaru, unlike Inuyasha, had not insisted on attending the birth. It was probably a result of the different ways they had been educated — or, in Inuyasha's case, not educated — but the dai-youkai had simply stated that a birthing room was no place for a man to be.

Kagome had initially feared he would insist on staying, making her job even more complicated than it was, especially considering how protective he was of his mate. She had, therefore, been relieved of this decision of his, but it was the time for the truth and, inside, she was scared, despite the neutral expression she wore.

She also regretted the lack of her mate; she would have never imagined she would find herself alone during this event.

Finally, she raised her face and looked straight ahead where mother and son were waiting for news. From their grimaces, especially Sesshomaru's, it was evident that they had already figured something out thanks to the noises and smells coming from the other side.

"Well? How's the girl? The pup?" asked Kimi impatiently.

Kagome's controlled expression faltered for a moment, and though she recomposed herself immediately, her red eyes from crying revealed too much.

"Stillborn," she finally pronounced in a feeble voice, though she tried to let out a confident tone.

More than one thing happened in the moments immediately following his revelation.

Kimi gasped.

Sesshomaru hissed, and Kagome had to quickly step aside so as not to be crushed by him as he rushed into the room where Rin was still crying.

She was still holding her daughter's body in her arms and didn't seem to notice the commotion that the demon's sudden entrance had caused. She didn't raise her face or stop crying, lost as she was in her own pain.

The dai-youkai froze, for once speechless and breathless, and Kagome could clearly see his chest rising and falling rapidly as if breathing was taking its toll. His pupils dilated, and he gasped as he saw his mate and the daughter that had not taken her first breath.

He stood still for a few seconds and, with him, everyone else in the room watching the scene and his reaction with incredulity.

Then, suddenly, he recovered and brought a hand to the hilt of the sword he carried on his hip. Not Bakusaiga, but Tenseiga.

Kagome held her breath as she recognized her brother-in-law's intent and tried to remember if he had ever mentioned that possibility years before, but nothing came back to her as she did. Anxiously, and not knowing what that gesture would entail, she wondered if she should suddenly worry about a completely different future, along with everything else that was happening before her eyes.

When, finally, Sesshomaru pulled out his father's fang, silence fell over them apart from Rin's hysterical crying. She finally seemed to realize she wasn't alone and lifted her face, gazing open-mouthed at the figure of her mate with Tenseiga raised.

The dog demon narrowed his gaze, frantically looking with it for the emissaries of the afterlife. A blind rage invaded him as he realized that his father's legacy had failed.

He saw nothing; there was nothing; Sesshomaru could do nothing.

More gasps followed the moment he sheathed his sword, not knowing what to do with it anymore either.

Tenseiga had failed him again; that's what his father's great gift was for. And it didn't matter that, without it, he wouldn't have had a mate with whom to share the immense pain now gripping his heart in a vice; the only things that mattered were his feelings of inadequacy and who had contributed to that umpteenth defeat.

Rin continued to watch him undecided between resuming crying or hoping that he would take up the sword again, showing her that all was not lost. Kagome watched the scene with a heart full of fear, and the healers remained motionless, their eyes focused on the half-demon still in her mother's arms.

Yet, of all of them, it seemed to be Sesshomaru who was least willing to surrender to the evidence.

Indeed, after a few more seconds of astonishment mixed with anger, he recovered again and turned his murderous expression to Kimi.

"Mother," he pronounced only, his tone harsh, extending his long pale arm toward her in an ironclad demand.

She quickly understood what her son was trying to do and slowly slipped the necklace from her neck, shaking her head at the same time. She had already realized what Sesshomaru could not accept.

If Tenseiga hadn't been able to do anything, not even her late mate's last gift would help.

Sesshomaru moved closer and Rin immediately opened the swaddling clothes with which the little one had been covered. She let him slip that necklace almost bigger than their daughter's little body on her neck, and again, silence engulfed them.

This time, however, it lasted less. When, after a second, the child didn't start crying, Kimi decided it was time to stop that useless suffering.

It was too much even for her, who had always been a mask of indifference, to see her son and daughter-in-law yearning in the hope of something that would never happen. "It is no use, son," she whispered in a soft voice, one that sounded so strange to the ears of those who had never heard her address such sweet words to anyone. "Evidently it is not in our power to bring back to this side the souls of those who have not even had a chance to cry for the first time."

That was the only plausible explanation she had come up with in those agonizing moments. If even Tenseiga had not been able to resurrect the pup, where, other times, it had been able to return the souls of those whose bodies were already cold, then there was nothing to be done.

Tenseiga could do nothing in the case of a stillborn child, and unfortunately, that had been the case with the little one.

But Sesshomaru was too far gone to accept that truth, and his very different behaviour was proof of that.

He ignored his mother and turned his gaze back to the pup. There was an unreadable expression in his eyes, but it seemed to convey affection and guilt at the same time; the latter because he had failed to give his mate what she so desired.

He reached out a hand and touched his daughter's cold skin before placing a light kiss on Rin's head, who had begun to cry again.

Finally, he composed himself one last time and with an icy stare, he signalled the two healers to take the hanyou from Rin's still reluctant arms; they would prepare her for a small service.

After doing so, he left the place without another word, only to turn around and give a chilling look to his mother and Kagome, letting them know that they should follow him.

Kimi remained indifferent but, then, turned back to the young woman next to her whose heartbeat had gone crazy. It was clear to her that it wasn't just her son and daughter-in-law who had been affected by what had happened; Kagome appeared equally tried in body and mind. In addition, she would now be at the mercy of Sesshomaru, who would accuse her again, as he had before, of faults she did not have.

Upon arriving at his office, Sesshomaru began to pace the room restlessly, moving back and forth as if he didn't know how to act either. He brought his hands to his hair, tugging at it, moving his lips as if he was talking, but nothing was coming out and more than one different grimace crossed his face.

All in all, it was such an unexpected and out of character picture for Sesshomaru that both Kimi and Kagome wondered if he hadn't lost his mind. The chances of that being what had happened were high.

The pantomime lasted for several minutes and only stopped when he finally found his breath and went on the attack. "Speak," he ordered, and there was no doubt that those words were meant only for Kagome. "Speak," he repeated, raising his voice, sounding more violent than ever.

The woman, who over the years had seen him at his worst and known him when he was still a contemptuous and unscrupulous demon, was struck by the hatred those words exuded. She recoiled. "There can be so many reasons in this era," she began, no longer sure of herself or her job. What could she tell him if she wasn't sure what had happened either? What explanation could she provide if there was no sure way to understand what had gone wrong? And, at the same time, she also realized that if the birth had gone on any longer, Rin might have not made it either.

That era was indeed a frightening place to live in for a young woman who longed to become a mother. How many of them had lost their lives? How many husbands had not been as lucky as Sesshomaru? How many children had never taken their first breath? But those were not things that interested Sesshomaru, who lived with his beliefs, often wrong, in his demonic world where certain variables did not count.

He only cared about what personally happened to him and what didn't go his way. As much as he had grown and matured, he remained in some ways still stubborn and unreasonable, and that was damn scary.

How to make him understand certain things that he insisted on not grasping? How to tell him that, even though she was the mate of a dai-youkai, Rin was still human and, as such, those scary rules and variables applied to her as well?

"The birth, unfortunately, went on too long. It's plausible that one of the causes was this and-" Sesshomaru didn't let her conclude.

"Plausible? I didn't ask you for possibilities, miko; I want certainties. Why?" he intimated to her again, "Why did this happen? Why couldn't you save her?"

Kagome gasped again; being accused by Sesshomaru was not helping her overcome the guilt that plagued her ever since she had had the hanyou in her hands. She didn't find a way to retort because she felt so responsible that she didn't even realize Sesshomaru was trying to pass the burden of his own guilt onto her in a desperate attempt not to have to face himself. She didn't try to defend herself because a part of her wished to be punished for the suffering she was partly guilty of.

Seeing that the priestess was giving in, the dai-youkai felt a rush of joy mixed with anger, an old perverse instinct that proved to him that the cause of all his misfortunes and suffering was the human before him. He kept denigrating and attacking her, not realizing how far he was going.

He wanted her to feel guilty for what had happened to him, to see her trembling under the weight of those faults, to crush her.

"I relied on you because I was always told that you were the only one who could follow my mate, so why did you fail? Why weren't you able to save my daughter? Why is Rin still there, destroyed, unable to have what she most desires?" Sesshomaru spoke, towering over Kagome and making her flinch more and more, scaring her. But, at the same time, it was as if he was addressing those questions to himself.

Why hadn't he been able to defend the person he loved most in the world?

Why had he still failed her?

Why couldn't he give her what her heart most desired?

Each question was a dagger to his heart and occupied his mind, driving him insane.

Why? Why? Why?

He demanded an answer from Kagome, something that would make him feel less guilty and, at the same time, he knew that this was not possible. He felt a sadistic satisfaction in seeing the woman collapse under the weight of the same doubts suffocating him. To not dwell on what he felt inside, he continued on, ignoring the distant little voice that told him how wrong he was being, dealing with this problem in a way so unbecoming of him.

A devilish smile graced his lips when Kagome finally collided with the wall behind her, finding herself imprisoned altogether.

There was no more chance of escape. For either of them.

"S-Sesshomaru," she tried to say, feeling exactly like a rat in a trap. Her heart was pounding madly in her chest, and she tried to inhale to calm herself, but her breath kept failing her.

"Answer me, miko," the demon intimated again, towering over her more and more.

"I-I... Sesshomaru... there is n-nothing certain. I c-can't." The fear was evident in her eyes, and he felt his nostrils burn because of the acrid smell that sentiment emanated.

He saw red and growled, turning away from Kagome for a moment, resuming his series of uncontrolled gestures from before.

He'd had enough of the excuses, the non-answers, of being told it couldn't be helped.

Why? Why? That word kept crowding his mind, and no one was able to answer. Why?

When he stopped pacing back and forth, he turned back to the priestess, who had for a moment breathed a sigh of relief at seeing him walk away. At that point, however, his anger was worse than before; the madness had made him completely lose control, and when their eyes met again, Sesshomaru's were no longer golden but red.

Half a second later, claws were at her throat, his hand tightened around her neck in a suffocating grip.

Kimi, who had been watching with a vigilant eye, not knowing how to move and not wanting to provoke her son, even more, held her breath. Everything had happened so quickly that she hadn't even had the chance to intervene.

But neither of them noticed it, too busy with what was happening to them.

The demoness slowly approached, not wanting to take Sesshomaru by surprise given the delicate position of his claws. Surely, he didn't want to do something so rash, right?

His following words, however, frightened her even more and confirmed that her son was not in control of himself. She could not say for sure that he would not do something desperate.

"Give me a real answer, miko, because I don't know how I could react to yet another excuse."

A/N: Before any of you start saying I'm really a bad person, I assure you Sesshomaru and Rin will have their happy ending, this is just part of the path I've thought for them, especially for him and his personal growth. I know it may seem cruel, but it will get better and, most of all, it's nothing you didn't know already (Again, see Chapter 8).

Next time will see Inuyasha again and we'll find out what he was doing while his mate and brother dealt with those problems. I promise I won't make you wait long since the chapter it's already ready.