A/N: Apologies for the wait! I'm posting this story as I write it, which is unusual for me; I tend to complete my fics before I start posting, but since this was initially a one-shot that I decided to continue, the situation is a little different. I appreciate your patience. We're back to Sebastian's perspective.
Sebastian keeps his eyes glued to the road ahead. He can't look back, doesn't want to see Kurt standing on the front step watching him leave, waiting for him to come back and talk. Because if he sees that, he actually might turn around and go back, and he just can't.
He can't do this. It's gone too far already, Sebastian doesn't do feelings, what the hell was he thinking letting it get this far?
He slams his hand into the steering wheel in frustration; the horn honks loudly, startling him, and the woman driving the oncoming car gives him a confused look as she passes. He huffs an irritated sigh and runs a hand back through his hair. This is why he doesn't do feelings.
Why was he so stupid? Of course Kurt would never like him back, of course Kurt thought the kiss was a mistake, of course Kurt doesn't want him, god, who would? He's attractive, and he knows that, and lots of people do want him, but they don't want him like that, like how he wants Kurt, like how he wants Kurt to want him. Even the ones who have tried to be his boyfriend, he knows they don't really want that, can't really want that, they don't know him, if they did they would know better. And Kurt, well, Kurt is the closest anyone has ever come to knowing him, so of course Kurt won't want him.
Kurt's not stupid. He's one of the smartest people Sebastian knows. So of course he noticed that Sebastian has been pushing him away. And Kurt isn't like Sebastian – he actually cares about people. He just wants to help, and god, what is Sebastian doing? None of this is fair to Kurt. All this is doing is hurting Kurt. Sebastian went from trying to steal Kurt's boyfriend, to just trying to get them to break up, to trying to be Kurt's friend, to kissing him – and god that kiss was everything but he can't think about that – to pushing him away again, and Kurt is too good, he doesn't deserve this, and Sebastian doesn't deserve him even if Kurt wanted him back.
He's thankful campus is quiet when he gets back; he's able to make his way to his room without running into anyone. He's also thankful for his single room, knowing he won't have to deal with a roommate coming back. He closes the door a little too forcefully behind himself, then shrugs out of his jacket and hangs it back in his closet. He feels his phone buzz in his pocket, and pulls it out to check the message; it's from Kurt.
Can we just talk about this?
No. No, they can't just talk about this. Kurt was right, the kiss was a mistake, everything has been a mistake. He blocks Kurt's number, he can't deal with this right now, then starts rooting through his dresser in search of his running clothes. He needs to get out of here, blow off some steam, distract himself before he puts his fist through the wall. Running always helps him calm down.
It's been two weeks, and Sebastian hasn't spoken to Kurt once, but he has blocked him on Facebook in addition to blocking his number; Kurt must have realized Sebastian wasn't getting his texts, so he'd sent him a Facebook message after the first week. Part of him still feels bad; he knows it's childish, and this isn't fair to Kurt. He knows Kurt deserves more of an explanation than he gave him, deserves any explanation, but Sebastian just can't. And Kurt is probably glad he's not around anymore, anyway; wouldn't anyone be? He's sure Kurt was only reaching out from some unfounded sense of obligation; Kurt is a good person, that's the kind of thing he would do.
Too good for Sebastian.
He really needs to stop thinking about this. He needs to get over this, whatever this is, and then he can move on with his life. He needs to get back to what he does best. This isn't him.
He runs his hands over his hair, smoothing it out in the mirror a final time before he heads out for the night. To Scandals. Because that's what he was doing with his Friday nights before Kurt, and if he has any hope of getting over the other boy, he figures this is the way to do it. This is the way to forget.
He drives himself to the bar – he's not an idiot, he knows not to drink and drive, he'll come back for the car in the morning – and it's busy when he arrives. He smiles to himself; he hates getting here early, before the crowd shows up. He makes his way inside, the bouncer at the front not even bothering to ask for an ID since he's been here so many times. He heads to the bar, orders a beer, and sits back on a stool as he takes a sip; he doesn't usually need to go looking for a guy here, they tend to come to him.
It's not long before a man – and that is the proper term, the person standing before him is far past the age where he could be considered a boy – approaches Sebastian at the bar, taking a seat next to him. "Hey gorgeous," the man says, eyeing Sebastian up and down.
Sebastian returns the look, running his eyes noticeably over the man's body before he responds. "Hi." He likes to make them work for it a little.
"You all alone tonight?" the man asks, angling himself further toward Sebastian.
"I am," Sebastian says, taking a swig of his beer and then placing the empty bottle on the bar top, pushing it away.
"What's a pretty boy like you doing all alone on a Friday night?"
"Trying to find someone worth my time," Sebastian says with a smirk.
"Ah," the man says with a chuckle, "I see. That can be hard to do in this place."
"Exceptionally so," Sebastian agrees.
"Sometimes you'll get lucky and find a real gem, though," the man comments, and Sebastian feels the eyes on him, roaming over his body; it's one of the parts he likes best about this game he plays. It always makes him feel so powerful, knowing what he does to these men, knowing what he's giving to them. Because he's choosing this, he wants this, nobody can take anything from him if he gives it freely. Men like this want him, he wants them to want him, he wants to give them what they want because it makes him feel strong.
"Is that so?" he asks, playing along with the game he knows so well.
"It sure is," the man confirms, shifting closer again and placing a hand on Sebastian's thigh.
"What's your name?"
"The name's Robert," the man informs him, "but you can call me Rob. Or you can call me daddy, or whatever you want, really."
Sebastian suppresses the urge to roll his eyes. So it's one of those. "Think I'll stick with Rob."
"How about you, sweetheart? Got a name?"
"Sebastian."
He'd considered going by a different name when he started coming here, but had ultimately decided against it; there was always a chance he'd slip up, and the possibility of running into someone he knows, and then there was the time he'd brought Blaine and Kurt– he needs to stop thinking about this.
"Sebastian," the man repeats, "why don't you let me buy you a drink?" The hand moves a little further up his thigh.
"I think I've had enough for the night," Sebastian replies easily, indifferently.
"Night's only young," the man comments, giving his thigh a squeeze, "and so are you. Can't be turning in this early, are you?"
"I wasn't planning on it," Sebastian says, then gives the man a dark look, "unless you had somewhere in mind?"
The man chuckles, a little taken aback by Sebastian's forwardness no doubt, but he's no less enthusiastic. "I just might. Let's get out of here, baby."
Rob hails them a cab – again, Sebastian isn't an idiot, he wouldn't have let the man drive him even if Rob had planned on it – and it's not long before they're pulling up to a small house in a modest subdivision. Roberts keeps his hands to himself until they're through the entryway, door locked securely behind them, and then there's hands touching his arms, shoulders, chest, back, anywhere they can find as he guides Sebastian through the house toward the bedroom. As they make their way through the halls, Sebastian sees the pictures – he's not an idiot – and it's clear this man has a wife and two young children. That's fine, it's not the first time Sebastian has been in this exact situation, and he's sure it won't be the last. As far as he's concerned, he's doing nothing wrong; Robert is the one cheating on his wife with a teenage boy. If it weren't Sebastian, it would be someone else, and at least Sebastian wants to be here.
He doesn't mention the wife. He's learned it doesn't usually go over well, so he pretends he doesn't see the photos on the walls.
He's gone early the next morning, before Robert even wakes up. These types of men always regret it in the morning, want him gone, so he's found it's easier to make himself scarce before they get the chance to kick him out. Of course, it's not like he wants to be there, either. This doesn't mean anything to him, it's just a hookup. Just a way to get off and get someone else off and deal with all the stress and the shit life throws at him. He doesn't need to hang around for tea and breakfast in the morning with some man who picks his daughter up from soccer practice every Thursday evening. But he doesn't usually feel so... hollow, after. Empty. He's usually indifferent, unfazed, smug if anything. But today, rather than feeling nothing, he feels like he's nothing, like he let this man use him, and it just feels gross. Dirty. Wrong.
He drives himself to the Lima Bean. It's the closest coffee shop, and he needs some coffee. It's early, and it's been a long time since he's had a drink – he hadn't been going to Scandal's since he'd started talking to Kurt – so he's sure he'll feel better once he's gotten some caffeine into his system. He pulls up to the curb, kills the engine, and climbs out of his car.
The little bell chimes as the door swings open and he enters, making his way to the line; only one person ahead of him, good. He wants to spend as little time here as possible. It's not long before he's ordered his coffee and is standing off to the side, waiting for the barista to call his name.
"Sebastian?"
It's not the barista's voice. He whips his head around to look at the source; not that he needed to see him to know who it was, because he'd know Kurt's voice anywhere. As soon as he locks eyes with Kurt he wishes he hadn't turned, wishes he'd just ignored the other boy and maybe he would have gone away, but it's too late for that now. He doesn't say anything, just stares back at Kurt.
"I tried to call and text you, but you never answered," Kurt says a little helplessly as he approaches Sebastian.
"I've been busy," Sebastian says with a shrug, trying to come off as casually as he can.
"Oh," Kurt says softly. They stand there in awkward silence for a few moments before Kurt speaks again. "Do you, um... could we sit and talk?" he asks hesitantly.
"Can't," Sebastian says, looking over his shoulder to see if his coffee is almost ready, "I'm on my way home."
"Home?" Kurt's brow furrows. "It's eight in the morning."
"Yeah, I was out all night. Went home with a guy from Scandals," Sebastian provides, because maybe if Kurt can see that Sebastian has moved on then Kurt leave him alone.
He glances back over his shoulder again, partially looking for his coffee, but mostly to avoiding looking at Kurt's reaction to that; he looks upset, more so than Sebastian had thought he would be, but then maybe that was just because he'd expected better from Sebastian.
"Seb, just... I don't understand. I thought–"
"What did you think, Kurt?" Sebastian snaps at him. "Did you think I wanted to be your boyfriend and go for walks through the park and smell the flowers and bake cookies? Because if you knew anything about me, Kurt, anything, you'd know that's not who I am."
"I do know you, Sebastian, please, can we just talk about–"
"There's nothing to talk about, Kurt," Sebastian cuts him off. "This was never going to work, I mean, you're you, I don't know what I was thinking."
"What?" Kurt's voice is quiet and hollow, kind of like how he feels, but it's too late to stop now.
"Seriously, Kurt, come on, did you really expect this to be anything? I mean, yeah, it was fun for a while, but you're boring."
"You don't mean that," Kurt argues, though Sebastian can hear his voice wavering; he continues anyway.
"You don't think so? Do you know how many guys I've been with since I finally ditched you? It's like just being in your presence kills my libido for days at a time." Kurt doesn't have to know that Sebastian has only been with one person since he walked out of his house two weeks ago.
Kurt's face hardens; it's like he can see the walls going up, and it breaks his heart a little to know that he's the one doing this to Kurt, but he knows it's for the best. "Maybe if you had any sense of self-respect you wouldn't feel the need to go out and find yourself a different suitor every night."
"Maybe if you weren't such an uptight cunt you'd let someone stick it in your ass every now and then, have a sense of adventure, live a little for fuck's sake."
"Having standards doesn't make me uptight, Sebastian, it makes me sensible and not a complete moron. You should try it sometime."
"My standards are the only reason I never fucked you."
He knows it's too far the second it's out of his mouth, and he sees Kurt set his jaw, eyes icing over as he glares back at Sebastian.
"You know, for a second there, I actually thought you might be a good person."
"Joke's on you then, I guess."
"You really are an asshole."
"Sure did take you long enough to figure that out."
"Goodbye, Sebastian," Kurt says icily, turning on his heel and walking slowly toward the exit, trying to keep himself calm but Sebastian can see the slight tremor in his shoulders.
It kills him to do this, absolutely tears him up inside, but Kurt deserves better than him, and if this is what he needs to do to make Kurt realize that, well, this is what he'll do.