"Good morning, Mr. Darcy."
"I hope you slept well, Mr. Darcy, unfortunately the mattresses here are not up to the standard in town."
"Is the coffee to your liking, Mr. Darcy?"
"The tarts are raspberry, Mr. Darcy, your favorite."
"Would you like more eggs, Mr. Darcy?"
"Peters, why are all the windows not uncovered? Mr. Darcy can barely read the paper in this darkness!"
It went on, and on, and on.
Mr. Darcy this.
Mr. Darcy that.
Every single morning he was not out of the house by the time she came downstairs, this is what he had to endure. Except it was worse than normal the past few mornings.
He tried to ignore it, by keeping his eyes focused on his repast, or reading the papers from London, but it was quite a challenge to ignore the shrill twitterings of Miss Bingley when she was determined to fawn over him as she was today. He kept his responses to as few words as possible.
Good Morning in reply to her greeting. She was his hostess, after all, and it was, in itself, a perfectly appropriate comment.
Yes, he slept well, however he did not reply that he found the mattress in his room to be quite comfortable.
Yes, the coffee was to his liking.
Thank you in response to the tarts, however raspberry was definitely not his favorite - that was strawberry, followed by blueberry, then apple or pear. He wondered where she had gotten the notion that he liked raspberry.
No, he did not want more eggs.
He thanked the footman for pulling open the draperies, however there was plenty of light in the room without them being opened. Now, since the room faced east, the sun streamed in and reflected off the silver and crystal, creating such brightness it hurt the eyes. There was a very good reason the drapes were closed!
But that was not all. No, no indeed, Miss Bingley did not restrict herself to verbal commentary, no, she must try to touch him, or, in the most ridiculous fashion, pretend to trip when turning from the buffet to go to her seat and attempt to stumble into his lap. He saw this trick coming and turned more to the opposite side, towards Miss Elizabeth Bennet, and pretended not to notice as his hostess tried to pull herself back, but ended up partially on the floor, partially draped over her indignant brother.
"Caroline!" Mrs. Hurst hissed. Darcy saw that her face was red, probably with embarassment at her sister's antics. Next to his wife, Hurst snorted and shook his head.
"I say, Caroline," Bingley spluttered in annoyance, helping his sister to her feet and settling her none too gently in her chair, "you are lucky I did not spill my coffee on you! What is the matter with you this morning?"
Out of the corner of his eye, Fitzwilliam saw Miss Elizabeth Bennet glance at Miss Bingley, and hide a smile behind her napkin. Her eyes were sparkling with amusement at the drama just enacted, he would bet ten guineas on it!
Now her manners, unlike those of the Bingley sisters, were much to be admired, even in the face of the spiteful jabs and digs the sisters tried to take at her expense. She would never behave in such a shocking manner! He knew, he just knew, that somehow Elizabeth would find a private space later this morning to laugh till her sides hurt at this most ridiculous spectacle. If he was not involved in Miss Bingley's nonsensical behavior, he would do the same.
Instead, he was furious!
Bingley had promised, when he made the invitation, that he would keep his sister under control, that he would not be subjected to the commentary and encroachment on his personal space that she engaged in regularly with him. But she was worse than ever! He could not even enjoy a simple meal without incessant comments and questions and and attempts at touching! It had to stop! Today! He could not take anymore!
To his own surprise, Darcy stood abruptly and threw his napkin on his plate, signaling he was done with his repast. "Bingley, if you are finished, I need to speak with you urgently in your study."
His friend looked up at him, eyes widened for a second. "Of course, Darcy. Excuse us, sisters, Miss Elizabeth, Hurst." The men bowed to the ladies, and left the room.
They entered Bingley's study, and shut the door. Darcy went to the small sofa near the door and slumped into it, elbows on his knees, with his head in his hands. "Bingley, you promised me she would be under control out here! You said her behavior would improve. It is worse than ever, man!"
"She does not listen to me, Darcy. She agrees and then does what she wants!" Bingley said, shaking his head.
"That is because you have never taken her in hand! Cut her allowance, send her back to Scarborough. Something!"
"I cannot do that, the tantrum Caroline would throw would be monstrous," Bingley whined. He had heard from several others at his club about how awful Caroline had become and that he needed to better manage his unmarried sister, but never worked up the gumption to actually take the advice he was given.
Darcy stood, glaring at his friend. "Her behavior is intolerable! Absolutely intolerable! I cannot stay here if this is what I have to endure. I'm sorry Bingley, but I just cannot do it." He started suddenly, realizing he had been yelling. "I did not mean to shout at you, Bingley, I am very frustrated. I am sorry."
Charles clapped a hand on his friend's shoulder, speaking in softer tones. "Let me try talking to her, once more, with Louisa and Hurst present. I will tell her what you just said - that you are going to leave and not return if she cannot leave you be." He sighed, shoulders slumped. "I will tell her she will not receive any allowance for the rest of the year and the first quarter of the next if she does not change."
"You can also tell her that if her behavior does not improve, and I do end up leaving, I will cut all ties with her socially. I have only tolerated her because of you, Bingley."
Bingley sighed again, not looking forward to the ultimatums he would have to deliver, possibly today. "Let's get to the stables, and ride out to review the west field. I will talk to my sister before dinner."
The two men exited the room, still in conversation, not seeing the flash of a dress as the wearer scurried down the hall in the opposite direction.
"Her behavior is intolerable! Absolutely intolerable! I cannot stay here if this is what I have to endure. I'm sorry Bingley, but I just cannot do it."
Caroline gasped loudly, putting her hand to her mouth in horror.
Mr. Darcy was going to leave! He could not do so! She must do something about the situation, as soon as may be!
When her brother and his friend had left the breakfast room, she was intensely curious about what would make the fastidious Mr. Darcy stand up as he had and throw a napkin on his plate. He was a man who was very reserved and in control. She had never seen him lose his temper, or heard any stories of such. His reputation as a fair and firm master was well known. He did not take out frustrations on his servants, as did many of his standing.
Something was very, very wrong. She had excused herself from her sister's company - her unwanted guest merited only the slightest of nods - and Caroline had walked out of the breakfast parlor. She could not be seen to be eavesdropping outside her brother's study, so she made a pretense of arranging the flowers on a table across the hall from the study door.
She had heard voices but could not make out the words, until Darcy had said those terrible words. She could not allow him to leave!
Her eyes narrowed and her mouth set in a thin line. She knew what needed to happen.
She would take care of it today, and all would be well again.
"I do not understand, Miss Bingley. Mr. Jones told you yesterday that my sister was not ready to be moved. Today she is barely out of bed, still feverish and dizzy, and you want to send her home this morning?"
Miss Elizabeth Bennet wiped her mouth with her napkin. She was not even finished with her breakfast when the red-headed idiot had returned to the parlor and made her demand that the Bennet sisters leave Netherfield today. Preferably as soon as possible was the implication, although no such words were said.
Lizzy had decided on her first day at Netherfield tending Jane that Miss Caroline Bingley was the worst hostess and mistress of a house she had ever met. That woman - she could never be considered a lady, a scullery maid was more a lady than the likes of her! - had just confirmed it.
Caroline Bingley knew that Mr. Jones was coming again this afternoon to assess Jane's condition. She was improving. Elizabeth expected her sister to be able to leave her room possibly tomorrow or the next day, provided she had proper rest, medicine, and nourishment. She was not expecting to be, essentially, kicked out of Netherfield today.
"Yes Miss Eliza, it would be much better for Jane to recover at her home, in the bosom of her beloved, loving family. Don't you agree?"
The viper's smile did not reach her eyes although she pretended kindness.
If only she was alone, she could laugh and laugh till her sides hurt at this person! What nonsense! The snobbish Miss Bingley wanted to remove the Bennets so she could have Mr. Darcy all to herself again, it was so obvious to anyone with sense. Lizzy didn't care about the man, Caroline Bingley was welcome to him. They were cut of the same cloth after all. Lizzy was thrilled to leave for herself, but she worried about Jane.
She wondered what Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley would think of such appalling manners, but the men were gone for the day and could do nothing to stop Miss Bingley. And the Hursts were useless. They sat at the other end of the table, watching the exchange and saying nothing.
Elizabeth repressed a sigh, and stood. She was still quite hungry, but her breakfast was clearly over. "Yes, Miss Bingley. I do agree that Jane would be much better off recovering in the company of her family and her true friends, the people who actually love and appreciate her. I shall go upstairs now to see to her and let you know when she is ready.
"Oh, and Miss Bingley? You will be rid of us faster if you allow us to use your own coach, instead of waiting for anyone at Longbourn to respond to a request to retrieve Jane and I."
The other woman nodded, and smiled. It was a gruesome sight. "Of course. Let me know when your sister is ready, and I will have the carriage prepared."
With a swish of her skirts, Lizzy left the room, not taking her leave of any of the occupants. They deserved no such recognition. She knew it was childish, but she did not care. After today, she would do whatever she could to never see any of them ever again.
"Sir, there was an incident earlier today that I think you should know about."
Bingley opened his eyes, looking up at his valet. Good Lord, hot water had never felt so wonderful! He and Darcy spent the day not in the west field, but helping with unexpected repairs to a tenant cottage. An old tree near the cottage - rotten inside but looking healthy on the outside - had fallen and damaged a portion of the roof. He and Darcy had scrapes and blisters, but the roof was repaired and the tenant's home would be safe and dry. They had barely made it back in time to bathe and dress for dinner. He had hoped to relax for a bit in the water, but that was not to be.
"What is it, Davis? What happpened? Is anyone hurt?"
"Not that I know of sir, we've not heard anything from Longbourn."
Bingley sat up, more alert. "Longbourn?"
"Miss Bingley sent the Miss Bennets home this morning. One of the footmen and I were enlisted to carry Miss Jane down the stairs and into the carriage, after Miss Jane almost fell in the hallway."
"What! Good Lord! Why did she do that? Cleary Miss Bennet was in no shape to go home if she almost fell! And Mr. Jones was to come this afternoon to check on Miss Bennet." Bingley exclaimed.
"I do not know why Miss Bingley sent the ladies home." Bingley sat back in confusion, closing his eyes. "Sir, Miss Bingley made some comments after they left, about how 'now the mess is taken care of' and that 'now that she is gone, he would not need to leave'. I don't know what she meant by that, but perhaps you do."
The valet jumped back from the tub as Bingley threw back his head and laughed long and loud. "Oh my, Caroline, you stupid, stupid creature," he laughed. "You don't know what you have done."
Thirty minutes later, a cleaned and dressed Charles and Darcy entered the drawing room. Miss Bingley and Mr. and Mrs. Hurst were waiting for them.
"Good evening, brother, Mr. Darcy. I see you have returned in time for dinner," Miss Bingley simpered. "Let us proceed to the dining room, dinner is ready to be served."
"Should we not wait for Miss Elizabeth?" Mr. Darcy asked.
"No, there is no need, is there Caroline? Since you saw fit to send both Miss Bennets home this morning. Even though Miss Jane needed to be carried out since she was still too sick to walk." Charles glared at his sister. "Isn't that right?"
"Yes, it is," his sister replied. She actually looked proud of herself! Charles was disgusted.
"I'm afraid I don't understand why you would do such a thing, Miss Bingley," Darcy said slowly. "I dislike insulting my hosts, but what you did to a sick guest marks you as a poor hostess and mistress of the house."
Miss Bingley's face turned red and her mouth opened but no sound came out. Then she started screaming.
"I did it for you, you unappreciative fool! You said her behavior was intolerable and that you could not stay in this house with her, so I got rid of Eliza Bennet and the reason she was here!" Miss Bingley stamped her foot in frustration.
Charles shook his head. "So you overheard a conversation and made assumptions that are wrong. Darcy was talking about you, sister dear, not anyone by the name of Bennet. It is you he cannot tolerate any longer. And I cannot either." He gestured to the butler, who was standing nearby, completely stone faced. "Dawson, please take the staff you need and escort my sister to her chambers. Have all breakable items removed from her room, and I mean all breakable items. No mirrors, no pitchers of water, no wash bowls. Mrs. Burton is to lock her in. As of this moment, she is no longer mistress. She is to remain in her rooms until I say otherwise. All her meals will be served to her in her rooms, on a tin plate and tin cups if you can find them. She is not permitted to take any meal or tea with the family. Any mail she tries to send, or receive is to be delivered to me. Any servant who tries to help her will be immediately fired without a character, but since she has been so awful to them, I doubt anyone will want to assist her in any way." He closed his eyes and sighed. "I think that is all for now. I may have more instructions later."
"Very good sir," the reserved butler said.
"No Charles you cannot!" Caroline cried as the butler returned with the housekeeper and three footmen.
"I am tired of your awful behavior. Several people have repeatedly commented to me in the past few months that you had become even more terrible and I needed to address the situation. I am going to have your dowry released to you. And I am going to set you up with Aunt Matilda and Aunt Leonora. Under their influence, you won't run through your money too quickly."
"Louisa, please! I can stay with you!"
"No, you cannot. Harold and I are sick of you as well, your constant whining and complaints are exhausting and are destroying my marriage and my health. I refuse to tolerate you any longer. You will go to the aunts and leave us in peace."
"Mr Darcy," Miss Bingley wailed, as she was led away, "you can't mean it! We have been friends for too long!"
"Miss Bingley, I am friends with your brother, not you. I have only tolerated you in the past for his sake. I am glad to see him finally taking a stand against your unacceptable behavior."
To Caroline's horror, he walked over to Bingley and put a hand on his shoulder. "The Bennets are influential and popular in the community. What Miss Bingley did today will damage your standing here, make no mistake about that. Tomorrow we all should go to Longbourn and apologize for what happened here today and tell them what actions you are taking to remedy the situation."
The men and Mrs. Hurst entered the dining room, ignoring the wailing and screaming as Miss Bingley was forcibly moved up the stairs and to her rooms. Their meal was mostly peaceful, as Caroline's room was distant enough from the dining room that they could not hear her shrieking.
By the time the four of them retired for the night, all was quiet, due to Mrs. Burton adding a few drops of laudanum to Caroline's tea.
In the morning, as soon as it was a reasonable time to make calls, the four of them headed to Longbourn, where they were greeted with suspicion by most of the family, and outright anger by Miss Elizabeth. When the consequences for Miss Bingley were laid out, the Bennets were shocked and quiet. Eventually they forgave Bingley his previous laxity in managing his sister.
Bingley was glad to hear that Jane, who was upstairs in bed, appeared to have suffered no major setbacks in her recovery and was expected to be up and about in a few days. He decided he would send flowers from the Netherfield conservatory to her every day from now on.
Darcy was even more enthralled by Elizabeth's eyes as they sparked fire in her outrage. His admiration for her passion and loyalty and care for her siblings increased dramatically. He found himself longing for her to include him in that same devotion, and that was thrilling and frightening at the same time. These feelings were distracting to the point that he did not notice the silly behavior of her youngest sisters at all.
Mr. and Mrs. Hurst felt so much lighter and freer than they had at any point in their courtship or marriage. Mr. Hurst felt no need to hide from sharp words by being or playing drunk. He decided he might like to get to know Mr. Bennet better, they seemed to have the same sense of humor.
Mrs. Hurst, unlike her sister, had not found the Bennet girls awful and beneath her notice - she simply went along with her sister to keep the peace. She had actually been looking forward to getting away from the ton for a time. Now that Caroline was leaving, possibly never to return, Louisa could make a new start. She took immediate action that very day by issuing an invitation to Miss Elizabeth to take tea at Netherfield later in the week. She also would invite Miss Lucas, who seemed a kind, sensible person. They could help her, hopefully, if they could forgive her for her prior actions, or inaction, as it really was.
Three months after Caroline left, Charles married Jane in a dual ceremony with Darcy and Elizabeth.
Caroline was not invited, nor notified of the event by her siblings. Charles was too angry about her continued horrible behavior, as reported to him by his aunts, to give her any consideration. She could read about the weddings in the papers for all he cared.
When the London papers announcing the weddings arrived in Scarborough, the screaming and shrieking was loud and long from Bingley House. That cacophony signaled that she was finally on the shelf, because no man in the town or the surrounding areas was interested in her once the gossip about her made the rounds, no matter how much money she had. And no people were interested in spending time with her either, even her aunts.
Unfortunately for her she never learned her lesson, never saw her siblings again, and was missed by no one.