A/N: I want to apologize for this chapter, but I love it too much to really mean it.

"Hey, Sebastian."

That voice is familiar, but it definitely doesn't belong here. Sebastian looks up from the homework he's doing on the table in the middle of the common room and frowns.

"Lost, Clark Gable?"

"Not at all," Blaine says, pulling out a chair and sitting at the table with him.

"Go ahead, why don't you have a seat," Sebastian says, rolling his eyes. "How can I help you?"

"I'm actually here to talk to you," Blaine says, ignoring his comment.

Sebastian laughs. "You're here to talk to me?"

"Yeah," Blaine confirms.

"Why?" Sebastian asks incredulously, because what possible reason could Blaine Anderson have for wanting to talk to him? He'd thought he made it pretty clear he wants nothing to do with the other boy.

"I heard you're dating Kurt."

Oh. Well, of course that's what this is about. He smirks. "Jealous, Anderson?"

Blaine scoffs, but the flush in his cheeks betrays him. "Of you? I don't think so."

"Please, you've been jealous since you met me."

"You're not good enough for him," Blaine says flatly, and okay, it looks like ignoring Sebastian is the theme of this– well, this whatever-it-is.

Sebastian laughs. "And you think you're any better?" he asks, raising his eyebrows.

"As a matter of fact, I do."

"Well, in case you hadn't noticed, Kurt doesn't seem to agree with you there," he replies, winking at Blaine.

"I don't know what you said to him, but you know he's going to come around eventually, right?"

"What are you trying to do here, Blaine?"

"Kurt is too good for you, and soon enough he's going to realize it, and when he leaves you because you cheat on him because you can't keep your dick in your pants and wait for him, I'll be there to pick up the pieces."

Sebastian narrows his eyes at Blaine. "Like hell I'm cheating on him. Jesus, Blaine, you can like sex and still exhibit some self control, you know that? Oh wait, no, you don't," he says, giving him a meaningful look.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Blaine asks.

"I think you know exactly what it means."

"Between the two of us, Sebastian, I'm pretty sure you're the one going out every weekend and finding a new guy to go home with."

"And I'm pretty sure you're the one who tried to rape your ex boyfriend."

"Excuse me?" Blaine splutters in shock.

"You heard me. You think I don't know what you're like? Because I do. I know exactly what you're like, and I know what would have happened if Kurt didn't leave you when he did."

Blaine laughs coldly. "That is the most preposterous thing I've ever heard. I love Kurt, I would never do anything to hurt him, what the hell is your problem?"

"You're my problem," Sebastian says, a bit louder than absolutely necessary. "You think Kurt's too good for me? Well, maybe he is, but I'm damn sure he's miles out of your league. And if you think there's even a chance that I will let you anywhere near him again, you are sorely mistaken. Because so help me god, Blaine, if you so much as look at him the wrong way, I guarantee you will be very, very sorry."

"Are you threatening me?" Blaine asks, narrowing his eyes at Sebastian.

"I'm sorry, was I not clear? Back the fuck off, Anderson." Sebastian slams his book shut and picks it up, grabs his bag in his other hand and stands. "I think we're done here."

He walks away then, doesn't turn back to look at Blaine, just makes his way back to his room seething because how dare he have the nerve to come all the way to Dalton for... for what?

He knows Kurt won't go back to Blaine. Even if they broke up, Kurt still wouldn't do that, he knows that. But Blaine was right about something; Kurt is too good for him. He's known that all along, and he's tried not to let it get to him, but he can't deny that it's true. And Kurt seems to be okay with that, and Sebastian is so glad that he is, but… Kurt has been okay with things that he shouldn't have been okay with before. Is Sebastian just another one? Because Kurt deserves the world. He is, without exaggeration, the kindest, most compassionate, overall best person that Sebastian has ever met. And Sebastian is just… well, he's just Sebastian. He's objectively not a good person. He's an asshole, and he's not really sure why Kurt even wants him. He's been so caught up in the excitement of being wanted that he'd never really stopped to consider why Kurt might want him. Does he think this is what he deserves? Because Kurt deserves so much more than this, so much more than him.

He knows he hasn't been a good boyfriend so far. He'd thought that once they made it official, it would be easier. The hand holding and the cuddling and all the affectionate touches, he knows Kurt wants them. And he tries, really he does, but every time Kurt holds his hand or tries to cuddle with him or does anything intimate he's just brought back to all those times when he was younger, his uncle Ezra holding his hand and guiding him into that bedroom, laying with him on that bed and "cuddling" him and touching him, and he's fucked and been fucked by enough men now that he can do it without those memories coming back to him but it's those small, intimate touches that bring everything right back to the surface, and he hates himself for not being able to give his boyfriend what he deserves just because he can't deal with his own past.

It's not fair to Kurt. He's a hell of a lot better for him than Blaine Anderson, but he still isn't anywhere near good enough.

They're at Kurt's, sitting on the couch together, sharing a blanket as they watch a movie. Kurt's thigh is pressed against his, and his arm is extended over the back of the sofa behind Kurt's head. Kurt shifts slightly, moving so that he's tucked against Sebastian's side under his arm, and Sebastian tries to relax into the casual touch, because this is his boyfriend.

He thinks he must have succeeded – or at least, enough that Kurt hasn't noticed – until Kurt sits up, leans ahead to grab the remote and pauses the movie, then looks at Sebastian.

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Am I sure what is what I want?"

"This. Me," Kurt says simply, steadily holding Sebastian's gaze.

Sebastian gapes at him for a moment before he's able to form a coherent sentence to answer the question. "Am I... yes, of course this is what I want. Kurt, why would... of course I want you."

"Then why won't you touch me?"

He can hear the wobble in Kurt's voice when he asks the question. And he knows what Kurt is asking; of course he knows. But there's no way he can answer that question.

"I touch you all the time," he says instead.

"You know what I mean," Kurt argues, and apparently he isn't getting out of things that easily. "If it was just in public, I'd understand. I mean, we live in Ohio, for god's sake, it's not exactly the most gay friendly place. But it's even," he pauses for a moment to inhale, and shudders a little with the breath, and Sebastian's heart breaks because this is his fault, "it's even when we're alone. You can't even... Is it me?"

Kurt's voice breaks on the last word, and all Sebastian wants to do is tell him everything; tell Kurt that he's broken and unlovable and incapable of giving Kurt the love that he deserves, and Kurt should just leave him now because there's no fixing him, this is just him, will always be him, and why did he ever even think there was a chance he could get past any of this? He'd end things himself if he wasn't so goddamn selfish – just another of his many flaws.

"Kurt...," he starts, but trails off, because he's not really sure what he can say to make this right.

"Just... if you don't want this, Seb, just tell me, please, because I can't... I can't keep doing this."

"No, it's not... that's not it."

"Then what is it?" Kurt practically pleads.

"It's just... it's nothing."

"It's not nothing, Sebastian," Kurt counters.

"It's nothing, okay?" It comes out more harshly than he means it to.

"Seb, if we're going to do this you need to talk to me."

"Well then maybe we shouldn't do this," he snaps, and the words are out of his mouth before he even has the time to process what he's saying.

"What?" Kurt's face falls as he stares back at Sebastian, colour drained from his face and heat drained from his voice.

"Maybe we shouldn't do this," he repeats, a little more sure of himself this time, because it's not that he doesn't want to do this, it's that Kurt deserves better than him, and he's not sure if he can keep trying to do this if all he ever does is make Kurt look like that. And maybe he can do at least one thing right by Kurt.

"You're... are you breaking up with me?"

"I can't keep doing this to you, Kurt."

Kurt gives him a confused look. "Keep doing... you're not doing anything to me, Seb, just talk to me."

"There's nothing to say."

"There's nothing to... God, Sebastian, there's obviously something to say, I'm not an idiot. Oh my god. Look, if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine, but you need to tell me that. Don't just break up with me because you aren't ready to talk about something, what the hell? That's not what boyfriends do."

"Well if you hadn't noticed, Kurt, I'm a pretty shitty boyfriend."

Kurt sighs, touches his fingers to his temple, and when he speaks again his voice is softer. "You're not a shitty boyfriend."

"Sure seems like it from where I'm standing."

"You can't break up with me because you think you're a bad boyfriend. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself and I want to be with you. Do you want to be with me or not?" Kurt challenges, and there's a fierceness to his tone now.

"Of course I do, I just don't want to hurt you!" He's raising his voice now, and he knows he shouldn't, but this is important. He needs Kurt to understand.

"Then don't!"

"I can't help it!"

"Yes you can! Why do you think you're going to hurt me?"

"Because I already am!"

That makes Kurt pause, and he sucks in a breath as he looks at Sebastian, and Sebastian feels like he can't breathe because this is already so hard, so why does Kurt have to go and make it harder? Why can't he just accept that Sebastian is no good for him?

"All I do is hurt you. Before I knew you, I took every chance I could get to insult you. We became friends and I was an asshole then, too. Then you forgive me, and you tell me how you feel, and I hurt you more. And now you're my boyfriend and I can't even hold your hand because when I do all I can think about is..." he trails off when he realizes what he's saying, sees the look of concern flash in Kurt's eyes, and he starts again. "I hurt people, Kurt. It's what I do. That's who I am, and you deserve better than that." He stands up then, because he can't be here, can't be in this room with Kurt right now.

"All you can think about is what?" Kurt asks worriedly, and of course that's the part that Kurt grabs hold of.

He ignores the question.

"I can't do this," he says as he makes his way to the door, grabbing his coat and pulling it on, Kurt following behind him.

"Sebastian, wait, can we just talk about this?"

"There's nothing to talk about," Sebastian says, as calmly as he can manage, and then he's walking out Kurt Hummel's door, getting into his car, and driving away.

And he hates how familiar this feels.