A/N: Hello again everyone! It's been nearly a month since the last update. I'm not sure when the next update will be and I don't want to start trying to make any promises because I know they'll just stress me out, but I have this written so I thought I should share it with you. I hope you enjoy it, and thank you for your patience.
"We need to talk," Kurt says as he pours a cup of coffee for Sebastian and pushes it across the kitchen island to him.
"I was hoping you might have forgotten about that," Sebastian says with a teasing smile, though it doesn't quite meet his eyes.
"Wishful thinking," Kurt quips, pouring his own coffee before settling on the stool across from his boyfriend.
"I'm sorry," Sebastian says simply, and Kurt can tell that he means it. But sorry won't always be enough.
"I know," Kurt replies, wrapping his hands around the warm mug in front of him, "but you can't just keep... doing that. Running away."
"I know."
Kurt sighs. "Do you?"
Sebastian doesn't answer, just looks down at his own mug, and Kurt sort of feels like he's scolding a child.
"Seb, it's not... I don't expect you to be perfect. But I just... you need to talk to me. Or at least try."
"I'm sorry," Sebastian repeats, still not meeting Kurt's eyes.
"This isn't a conversation."
"What?" That gets Sebastian's attention, and he finally looks back up at Kurt.
"This, what's happening now. This isn't us talking about it, this is me talking and you sitting there waiting for me to finish."
Sebastian just stares at him, and Kurt takes a deep breath, tries to calm the annoyance he feels bubbling up to the surface, because he knows this is hard for Sebastian, but he also knows that this isn't working and that if it's going to work Sebastian needs to try.
"I care about you, Seb. I care about you so much. And I wish that that was enough to fix every problem we'll ever have, but it's not, and... if you can't talk to me, I don't know where that leaves us. You don't have to tell me everything, but you can't sit there and pretend that nothing's wrong and this will pass if you just ignore it long enough. I'm not an imbecile, Seb, and... and I'm also not going to just stick around and let you treat me like that just because I care about you." He rushes through the last words, scared he'll lose the nerve to say them, because he knows Sebastian is scared he's not enough for Kurt; but he also knows that he deserves better than this. Sebastian is the one who made him realize that, after all. "So, Sebastian, what's going on here?"
He watches Sebastian's face carefully, can't really interpret the emotions playing across his features as he looks back and considers Kurt's words. And then he takes in a small breath, looks down at the table, and starts talking.
"You're right. As usual. It's not that I don't want to talk to you, Kurt, I just... can't. I can't talk to anyone," he says quietly into his mug.
"You can always talk to me," Kurt says gently, hoping that now he has Sebastian talking, maybe his boyfriend will keep going.
"No, I know that, I know I can, I just... can't. I've never had anyone to talk to. I... I don't know how."
"Would it help if I went first?"
"What?"
"If I... talked. First. Would that help?"
"I... I don't know." Sebastian admits, looking back at Kurt now.
Kurt decides to try it anyway. He looks down at the table as he begins to speak, because while he's definitely the better communicator in their relationship, it's not always easy for him, either, and there are some things that are just too hard to say when you're looking into someone else's eyes.
"I know that things could have been... a lot worse. With Blaine. But I do know, too, that some of the things that did happen while we were together were... not good. And I don't like thinking about that. I don't want people to know that. And, when high school is over and I go off to New York, I'll probably never talk to him again. But for now, he's everywhere, and it's just... I don't think I could get through the rest of high school if everyone knew. Everyone loves Blaine, and if I said something... well, who do you think they're going to believe?"
It's hard for him to admit. It's something he really, really tries not to think about, but if he's expecting Sebastian to talk to him, then he knows he'd be a hypocrite if he couldn't talk about this with. "Because I can guarantee you, it's not going to be me."
"Of course they'd believe you," Sebastian argues, and Kurt can hear the undertones of surprise through the measured softness of his voice. "Kurt, they were your friends first. If you told them what he was like, they'd believe you."
Kurt scoffs, looks up at Sebastian. "You think that means anything? Mercedes would believe me, maybe. Finn, too, because he's my brother so he has to. But the others? It doesn't matter that they knew me first. They know Blaine now, and he's Blaine, and I'm... well, I'm just Kurt."
"Kurt," Sebastian says softly, that way people say your name when they don't know what else to say.
"It's fine, I've... I've accepted it, and I just try not to think about it, but... I have. Thought about it. And there's reasons I don't want them to know. So I would appreciate it if you would stop acting like I don't know what I'm doing."
"Yeah, okay. That's... I'm sorry."
"It's fine," Kurt says. "Now you know."
They sit there in silence for a few moments, watching each other, before Kurt speaks again.
"Your turn," Kurt says, gesturing at the other boy across the kitchen island.
"My turn?" Sebastian asks.
"To talk."
"Oh. Right," he says, like he'd been hoping Kurt would forget. And he doesn't talk, just looks down at the countertop and wraps his hands a little more tightly around his mug.
Kurt sighs. "I'm not asking you to tell me everything, Seb," he says softly, "but you have to give me something here."
Sebastian is staring hard at the mug in his hands, but he does start talking, voice barely above a whisper. "When I was, um... younger. There was... uh, some stuff happened. I guess. To me."
He pauses, and Kurt doesn't speak, doesn't reach out for his boyfriend, just waits patiently for Sebastian to continue.
Sebastian draws in a steadying breath, then continues, voice still quiet but stronger now than the whisper that it was. "I've never told anyone about it. Ever. I thought I could just... ignore it."
He wants to ask Sebastian what happened, because some stuff is so infuriatingly vague, but he knows he has no right to ask, knows that when Sebastian wants to tell him – if Sebastian wants to tell him – that he will, knows that he probably doesn't really want to know, anyway.
"I guess I thought that if... if you told people, then maybe it wouldn't be as bad for you."
Kurt is pretty sure he feels his own heart breaking at the words, because for all the conversations they've had about Blaine, all the times Kurt has thought Sebastian was being so pushy about it because of his own history, he'd never really stopped to think about what that must have been like for Sebastian. He'd only been frustrated that his boyfriend was so insistent that he tell, he'd never stopped to think... why? But it makes sense now, makes sense why Sebastian felt so strongly about this, because he knows what it's like to not tell.
"Sebastian," he says softly, and now it's his turn to trail off wordlessly, not knowing what else to say.
"I know it's different, and I'm not... I don't think I can... talk about it. But, um, that... that's why."
Sebastian is still staring down at his hands, fingers tense around his mug.
"I'm sorry," Kurt says, "that that happened to you."
"Yeah, well," Sebastian says, and shrugs by way of explanation.
They sit there together for some time in silence, sipping their coffees as the tension in the air slowly dissipates.
"I am sorry."
Kurt is surprised that Sebastian is the one to break the silence. When he looks up, he sees his boyfriend looking at him cautiously, almost scared, and he feels his heart break just a little bit more for the boy sitting across from him right now, for the things he's gone through and had to deal with on his own, for all the walls he's had to put up to keep other people out so he'd feel safe.
And then his heart swells, just a little, with the knowledge that, slowly, Sebastian is starting to trust him with his heart.
"I know," Kurt replies, offering a small smile. "It's okay. And thank you."
"For what?"
"For telling me."
The house – if he can even call this merely a house – is by far the most lavish single-family residence Kurt has ever been in. He's been in awe since they pulled into the driveway, and the sense of overwhelm has only grown as they make their way into the mansion – because, really, that's what this is – and he continues to take in the extravagance.
"Had you told me we were walking into this you would have made the process of choosing an outfit a lot easier," Kurt whispers urgently into Sebastian's ear as his boyfriend leads him further inside.
"I told you, Kurt, it doesn't matter what you're wearing," Sebastian says, rolling his eyes.
"Of course it matters, Sebastian," Kurt scolds. "Luckily I was able to get some information out of you, otherwise you would have let me show up to this woefully underdressed."
"Kurt, have you ever been underdressed in your entire life?"
"No, because I always know what I'm walking into," Kurt counters with a meaningful glare.
"Well, either way, I think you look great," Sebastian says with a grin. "And I wouldn't mind seeing you underdressed, either," he adds with a wink.
Kurt rolls his eyes, but he can't help the smile that tugs at the corner of his mouth. His boyfriend is infuriating at times, but it's hard to stay annoyed when he goes and says things like that.
"Oh, this must be Kurt!" a woman says – practically squeals – and then Kurt is being pulled into a hug by who he assumes must be Sebastian's mother. "It's so nice to meet you!"
He hugs the woman back, then finally gets a good look at her as she releases him and pulls away, and she's beaming back at him. "It's great to meet you as well, Mrs. Smythe," he says, offering a smile of his own.
"Oh Sebby, he's so sweet," she coos, and Kurt looks over to see his boyfriend scrunching his face up adorably at the nickname. He'll have to remember that one. "Oh and Kurt, this is my husband, Sebastian's father."
"Pleasure to meet you, Kurt," the man says with a smile, offering his hand to Kurt, and Kurt shakes it.
"You as well, Mr. Smythe."
"A good handshake," Sebastian's father says approvingly, "I like him."
"Yeah, he's alright. I guess I'll keep him," Sebastian says with a shrug and a smirk, and his mother shoots him a glare, but there's no heat behind it.
"You be nice to your guest, Sebastian."
"Oh relax, mom, he'd be worried if I didn't say something."
"He's right, I would," Kurt agrees honestly.
His dad shakes his head, and his mom laughs. "We can dress you up but we can't take you anywhere, can we?" his mother says fondly, placing a hand on Sebastian's arm. "You boys have a nice evening, will you? And Kurt, honey, try not to let everyone scare you away. They're all just so excited to meet you! Sebastian has never brought a boy home before. You must be special," she says with a wink, and Kurt feels his cheeks warm because while he knows that Sebastian has never done anything like this, it's really just hitting him in this moment that Sebastian has never done anything like this.
Sebastian's parents smile at the pair again, then turn and make their way through a large doorway toward where Kurt can hear a mix of voices talking and laughing.
"Shall we?" Sebastian asks, gesturing to the doorway his parents just disappeared through.
"Let's," Kurt agrees with a smile, and then he follows behind as Sebastian leads him into the next room.
He's not sure if this room is any more grand than the other parts of the house he's seen so far, but it certainly seems that way, filled with people the way it is, guests milling about and catering staff making their rounds with trays of champagne flutes and hors d'oeurves. He'd been expecting an extravagant party – especially since they pulled up to the house and he really started to understand what he was getting into – but it still surprises him how... well, extravagant the scene before him is.
"Earth to Kurt," Sebastian says, and Kurt shakes his head quickly and turns to look at his boyfriend, who's smirking at him fondly.
"Sorry, I was just...," he says, trailing off.
"All good?" Sebastian asks.
"Yeah, yeah I'm good," Kurt says with a nod. "It's just... a lot. It's beautiful."
Sebastian shrugs. "I guess so."
"You guess so? Seb, you grew up here and you... you know what? Never mind," his says with an eye roll. "So, who am I meeting first?"
"How about no one? It's not too late to sneak away upstairs, I can show you my bedroom," Sebastian says with a smirk.
Kurt scowls and gives him a playful smack on the arm. "We are not doing that."
"Wow Seb, you never really struck me as the kind of guy who would put up with this kind of thing," a voice says, and Kurt's head snaps around to see the young woman standing before them and watching with her arms crossed.
"Oh no, I don't– it's not what–" Kurt starts, stammering, but then she speaks again and saves him from embarrassing himself any further.
"Don't worry, I'm sure he deserved it," she says, then looks at Sebastian and adds, "right, Seb?"
"Maybe I like it," Sebastian shoots back with a smirk, and Kurt feels his cheeks flush – clearly he's not the only one here capable of embarrassing him.
The young woman just laughs, though. "You're such an ass, Seb. Give him a break," she says, then directs her eyes back to Kurt and extends her hand out toward him. "I'm Sam, Seb's cousin."
"Kurt," he replies, taking her hand and giving it a quick shake before she pulls it back.
"I'd say I've heard a lot about you, but that would be a lie. Sebastian has told us literally nothing, I was convinced you weren't even real until I saw you walk through that door," she says, nodding to the entryway they'd just passed through a few moments before.
"How charming," Kurt says, shooting his boyfriend an exasperated look, but Sebastian just shrugs back at him.
After that, someone else spots them, and they try to work their way further into the room but there's a pretty steady stream of family and family friends stopping them to chat, coo over Kurt, and comment on how impressed they are that Sebastian is finally bringing someone to meet the family. It's a little overwhelming, but it also feels so nice. It reminds him of his own family, actually; if you were to forget about all the elegance that comes with the setting, the atmosphere really isn't all that different from that of his own family get-togethers.
Of course, forgetting the elegance of the setting is not something Kurt will be doing anytime soon.
"Dear, I love your suit! So dashing. Our little Sebby really landed himself a looker," the woman, who Sebastian had introduced as his aunt Marilyn, says sweetly.
"Thank you so much, ma'am," Kurt says happily, and he's pretty sure the new heat he feels rising in his cheeks is undetectable past the constant blush he's felt since they entered this room.
"And who do we have here?" a man asks, approaching the group and wrapping an arm around Marilyn's waist, pulling her closer to him; he figures this must be her husband.
"Sebastian's brought his boyfriend," Marilyn says, turning to look at the man and giving him a smile, and Kurt has only just met her but something still seems a little off about it, like it's not quite as sincere as the other smiles being exchanged here this evening.
"Oh how nice," the man says, seemingly unfazed by the woman's tight smile, so Kurt figures he must be reading into it too much. "I'm Ezra, Sebby's favourite uncle," the man says with a smile and a wink at Sebastian, extending his free hand to Kurt to shake.
Kurt turns to look at Sebastian, expecting him to say something in response to the comment, but instead he's just frowning at the man.
Kurt reaches out and shakes the offered hand. "I'm Kurt, it's nice to meet you."
"The pleasure is all mine, Kurt."
"I think I saw Eleanor over there, I'm going to go catch up," Marilyn says, extracting herself from her husband's arm. "You boys have a lovely evening, and it was nice to meet you, Kurt," she says with a quick smile and then she's heading off to the other side of the room before anyone has time to say another word.
"You're looking very nice this evening, gentlemen," Ezra continues after his wife has walked away, looking after her and then turning back to Kurt and Sebastian. "Is that a Saint Laurent?"
Kurt's smile widens, because while he's been complimented several times this evening on his fashion choices, this is the first time somebody has picked up on the designer.
"It is," he says happily, standing just a little straighter as Sebastian's uncle admires the suit.
"Excellent taste," the man says with a smile, "surprised you're willing to be seen out in public with this one," he adds with a laugh and a gesture toward Sebastian.
Kurt laughs politely, because this is a comment he's gotten quite a few times this evening – and, to be fair, a comment Sebastian received his fair share of from Kurt's own family, so he's really in no position to say anything about it.
"He cleans up pretty well when he tries," Kurt says, turning to give Sebastian a fond smile, and he's expecting the usual eye roll but his frown has turned into a glare now, eyes narrow and cold, and now he's just... confused.
"Yes, I suppose he does," Ezra says, seemingly unfazed by Sebastian's strange reaction, and that just makes the situation more uncomfortable.
Is he just getting sick of being around his family? Does he need a break? Kurt knows that Sebastian doesn't like his family parties, so is that what this is? And with Kurt here he can't blend in to the background, they've been talking to people nonstop since they walked through the door.
"Hey, Seb, would you mind going to get me a drink?" He doesn't really want anything to drink, but he figures it's as good an excuse as any for Sebastian to make an exit and get a little break from all the people. It's the least he can do, since he's the reason Sebastian has to talk to them all.
He turns to look at his boyfriend, plans to give him a meaningful look to be sure Sebastian understands what he's trying to do, but Sebastian still has his eyes fixed on his uncle when he says a simple, "No."
"I–," Kurt starts, then pauses, not quite sure what to make of this reaction. "What?"
Sebastian doesn't answer, just keeps his gaze on Ezra. Kurt looks back and forth between then, and Sebastian's uncle just shrugs his shoulders.
"Sorry, um, could you excuse us?" he asks, giving Ezra a confused and apologetic look.
"Of course. I'm sure we'll be bumping into each other later. It was good to meet you, Kurt." He smiles warmly, places a hand on Kurt's shoulder, gives it a light squeeze before turning and walking away.
He turns back to Sebastian then, who is still glaring at his uncle, and he's about had it with this. "Come on," he says, tugging at Sebastian's arm and pulling him away toward the door.
Sebastian comes reluctantly, following him out of the room and into the empty hallway where Kurt stops and turns to face his boyfriend.
"Okay, what's going on?"
"Nothing's going on," Sebastian says, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
Kurt gives him an incredulous look. "I know you don't like your family, Seb, but do you think you could try to at least be civil around them for one night?"
"That was civil," Sebastian counters.
Kurt rolls his eyes. "I gave you an out, why didn't you just say you'd go get me a drink? You could have, I don't know, gone and hid in your room for half an hour or something, whatever."
"I wasn't leaving you alone with him."
"Why not? I think I can handle myself around your family, Sebastian."
"I didn't say you couldn't."
Kurt presses his fingers to his temple, because this is ridiculous. They're just going in circles. "You just did."
"I said I wasn't leaving you alone with him," Sebastian clarifies, though it doesn't actually clarify anything as far as Kurt is concerned.
"Why?"
There's a flash of something in Sebastian's eyes, just a moment before it's gone. "Never mind, it's nothing. Let's just go back in."
Sebastian moves to take a step back toward the doorway, but Kurt stops him. "It's not nothing," he argues, "what is it?"
"Kurt, I said it's nothing," Sebastian insists, but that something is back in his eyes now, a mix of desperate pleading and fear and... fuck.
He thinks he knows why.
"We don't have to go back in," Kurt offers, more gently now. "Why don't you give me a house tour or something? We can get away from everyone for a bit."
He does want a tour – the whole house is beautiful, who wouldn't? – but the request is just an excuse for what he's really offering.
And Sebastian takes it.
"Yeah, okay," his boyfriend agrees, and Kurt doesn't miss the relief in his eyes, across his face, in the tension leaving his shoulders as he relaxes into the idea of not having to go back into that room, but also at not having to talk.