The next few minutes were absolute chaos. Lissa fell into Christian's arms and begged him to stay. The sight was so intense and personal that everyone else in our little group felt the need to busy themselves with something else. Mikhail and Eddie took the rest of the bags and started loading them into the back. Looking anywhere but at the couple, my eyes met Adrian's and I knew it was time to say goodbye to him.

"This isn't goodbye, Little Dhampir. You'll always see me in your dreams," he said as I threw my arms around his shoulders.

He held me tight against his body and I wished it could have always been as easy as this. In that moment I wondered what could have happened if I was able to truly give myself over to loving Adrian. It would have saved so much heartache and sadness. The group could be living easily at Court together instead of half of us being ripped away to participate in a sucide mission.

One look over his shoulder into Dimitri's eyes and I knew I wouldn't have ever actually wanted that. I wouldn't trade the time we loved each other for anything, or any other relationships. I knew in my heart that I was made for him, and he was made for me. Even if he didn't feel the same, I couldn't make my own feelings disappear so easily. I wasn't sure if they would ever leave me, but I had to try if I wanted to move on with my life.

I let Adrian continue to hold me for a few more seconds before pulling away. I could feel through the bond that Lissa was starting to calm down, and I knew there wasn't much time before the four of us would have to leave. I only had minutes to say goodbye to Dimitri. I wasn't sure if that was too much time or too little.

It felt like the world around us had melted away as I stepped in front of him. He looked down at me with that same expression of fear and guilt he had given me on our walk here. I wanted to throw myself in his arms and do whatever it took to make that look disappear, but I wasn't sure I would be able to pull myself away. Instead I tucked my arms tightly around my chest, trying to hold myself together.

"You look like you have something to say," I told Dimitri.

"I have... many things I want to say to you, Roza," he responded, "but none of them matter anymore. It won't change anything. I'm sorry I can't save you," the pain on his face somehow increased as he went on.

"I'm not the one that needs saving here," I shrugged.

"If something happens to you..." Dimitri sounded choked up as he spoke those words. He didn't finish the sentence, but I felt like I understood what he meant. He wouldn't be able to forgive himself. Not like he was trying very hard to do that in the first place.

"That's not your problem anymore, comrade. All I need from you is a promise that you'll keep Lissa safe," I hesitated a second before I finished, "and just so you know, if I couldn't be Lissa's guardian, I'm glad it's you. There's no one I trust more than you to protect her."

He gave me an incredulous look, shaking his head as he ran a hand through his hair. I had the sudden urge to follow and let my fingers feel his silky locks one last time, but I managed to resist.

"After everything that happened, you still trust me? How can you say that?" He asked.

"I told you, Dimitri. My feelings for you didn't change. Of course I still trust you. I know who you are," I replied. For the first time I allowed myself to look into his eyes without my guard up. I wasn't sure what to make of everything swirling around his irises.

He didn't say anything else, just wrapped me up into a bone crushing hug. I let my arms stay limp at my sides at first, but then I tentatively wrapped mine around his waist and buried my face in his shirt. His scent reminded me of the hole in my chest, and I knew I had to pull away if I was going to save myself.

I took a small step back but Dimitri followed me, putting a hand under my chin and tilting my face upwards. My breath hitched as I took in his features, carefully, in case this was the last time. I realized I had started to cry when he reached up to wipe a tear from my cheek, eyes never leaving mine.

I started to panic as he leaned his head down. I couldn't handle him giving me a pity kiss. That would absolutely destroy me.

"Please don't," I whispered when his lips were almost on mine. I could feel how close they were as I spoke.

Dimitri moved his lips slowly to my cheek, pressing a soft kiss there instead while catching a few more tears. He then straightened up and let the guardian mask cover his face. I thought I saw something that looked like pain in his expression before he turned to stone, but I couldn't be sure through my tears.

Things had gone silent around us. I noticed Eddie, Mikhail, and Christian had taken their places in the car. Adrian was standing with Lissa caught in his arms as she cried, silent this time. Dimitri and I made our way over to them.

Adrian transferred Lissa into my arms for one last hug. She clung to me so tightly I wondered if I was doing the right thing. I thought she would have Christian to help her through me leaving, but now she only had Adrian and Dimitri. I wasn't sure either was up to the task of helping her.

"He still loves you, you know. Even if he can't admit it," Lissa whispered into my ear. I pulled back slightly before whispering something back to her.

"Love fades, Liss. Love fades..." I couldn't add the last part. I knew mine hadn't.

We held tight to each other as we finished our conversation.

"I'm going to miss you so much, Rose. Promise me you'll come back?" Lissa pleaded.

"I'll keep in touch as much as I can. I'm not sure where we're going or if I'm allowed to contact you, but I'll do my best, Liss," I told her.

I couldn't bring myself to promise her I'd be back. I didn't want to make any that I couldn't keep. I gave her one last squeeze before letting her go for good. I carefully passed her back to Adrian and made my way to the car.

I threw one last wave over my shoulder as I climbed in the back seat next to Christian. His eyes were puffy, and I knew he had been crying just like I had. We had both just left the loves of our lives on uncertain terms. Eddie and Mikhail both had on blank expressions, and I cursed myself, wishing I could have done the same. I wiped the last tears from my cheeks as Mikhail started driving us out of Court.

"So Sparky, do you want to tell me what the fuck you're doing here?" I turned to Christian as I asked him.

"Someone has to make sure you stay alive, Hathaway," He smirked.

"Hey! That's my job!" Eddie called from the front seat. Everyone else let out a laugh and I was thankful that some of the tension in the vehicle was broken. Once it had gone quiet again I shot Chrisitan a pointed look.

"Adrian told me everything and I thought I could help. I requested an audience with Tatiana and she agreed. It's killing two birds with one stone. Moroi fighting with guardians, and taking out important targets. Besides, it's not like many people would miss me if I didn't make it back," Christian responded seriously.

"What about Lissa? I never thought you'd leave her..." I trailed off.

"Lissa told me to stay out of it. So this is me staying out of it," he explained coldly. I could tell there was more to it than that, but I knew he wouldn't spill his guts to me while two other guardians were riding in the car with us.

"I heard about your teamwork back at St. Vladimir's. I'm excited to see the dream team for myself," Mikhail responded from the driver's seat. It was the first time he had spoken directly to me since I'd seen him that morning.

I vividly remembered the incident he was talking about. Christian and I had teamed up when strigoi attacked our school. It caused some waves in our society. The debate on if moroi should use their magic to fight was no closer to being settled because of it. But maybe if Christian and I were able to demonstrate how helpful it could be, that would change.

That still didn't make me feel any better about him leaving Lissa. Or voluntarily putting himself on the front lines. It was one thing to use magic in defense of his life, but seeking out strigoi to practice on was an entirely different matter. I wished he had stayed behind, but if I had to fight with a moroi, I was glad it was him. I knew we had trust built between us, and that would make things a lot easier. Plus, I had secretly hoped we'd be able to recreate our badass fight sometime.

Both Christian and I agreed with Mikhail before the car lapsed into silence. I wasn't sure what Eddie knew, and I figured Christian didn't have much more information than I did. I assumed Mikhail was the leader, so I started thinking of questions for him. I had about a hundred bouncing around in my head, but I wasn't sure where to start.

Thankfully, Eddie beat me to it.

"So... Does anyone know where we're going?"

"We're going to West Virginia. There's a small house there that will serve as our home base. We'll know more once we get there," Mikhail answered.

"So it's just us then? The four of us?" I asked.

"For now. From what I understand, the plan is to start with smaller targets and see how we handle it. If we manage alright, they'll send us more manpower. We will have an alchemist specially assigned to us, but I'm not sure how much they'll interact with us."

I inwardly groaned thinking about what kind of alchemist we would meet in West Virginia. It was difficult enough getting Sydney to tolerate me in Russia, and I couldn't imagine converting another one to our team. Not when they would be cleanup for situations I imagined to be nothing short of horrific. Also the fact that they saw us as pure evil.

We chatted for a little bit longer before again lapsing into silence. Mikhail flipped on the radio and turned it to a classic rock station. Christian and Eddie both started to doze off, and we rode several hours like that.

It was a peaceful moment, and I relished it. It was nice to be able to breathe before jumping into the unknown. However, my mind couldn't stop wandering to my tearful goodbye with Lissa. I comforted myself by slipping into her mind to make sure she was okay.

"I'm sorry, Princess. I can't help but feeling like this is my fault," Dimitri spoke quietly to Lissa from his position against the wall. She turned from her place on the couch to look at him.

"It's not your fault, Dimitri. We both know once Rose gets an idea in her head there's no stopping her. Plus with Tatiana interfering, there was really nothing either of us could have done," she sniffled as she responded.

"Still... there is so much I wanted to say to Rose that I just couldn't get out. Not when she looked at me like that. Maybe if I had, things would be different."

I felt my breathing stop at those words. What did it mean? How was I looking at him? What did Dimitri think he could have said that would've changed my mind? I knew it had to be something big, but I wouldn't let myself hope he was still in love with me. My heart wouldn't be able to take it when I found out the opposite was true.

"Maybe you could write it down? Like in a letter to Rose. I'm not sure we'll ever figure out where to send it, but it might help you work through some things," Lissa asked him.

"That's a good idea, Princess," he said, cracking a slight smile, "then she wouldn't be able to distract me."

I zoned back into the car just as we pulled onto a gravel road. Eventually we reached the driveway of a small house. It was definitely secluded, and I wondered to myself how far away the nearest town was.

I noticed there was already a car in the driveway, a Honda CRV with Louisiana license plates. I didn't have too much time to question before I got out of the car and noticed someone coming out of the front door.

"Sydney?"