A/N: There's a bit of a time skip between the last chapter and this chapter. I'm trying to wrap this story up and there are less "things" going on now that Kurt and Sebastian are a bit more comfortable in their relationship and are (finally) starting to talk to each other. This is maybe a couple months later than the last chapter; enough of a time jump that there's no snow and it's realistic to be walking around outside at night without freezing, at least. This chapter is heavy, but catartic and long overdue, I think. I hope you enjoy it.

As another note, the_veirdo has written a one-shot called "It Started Out With a Kiss" inspired by this fic over on AO3 (where I cross-post under the same username). It's so well-written and does an amazing job of capturing the vision I have in my head of who the characters are in this universe, and I definitely recommend reading it.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Kurt asks softly, swinging their hands between them, and when Sebastian glances over his boyfriend is looking up at the sky.

He looks up, tries to find what Kurt is looking at, but there's nothing there. "What is?"

"The stars," Kurt says simply.

"Oh," Sebastian says, keeping his eyes cast upward for a brief moment before looking back over at Kurt. "Yeah, I guess."

Kurt pulls his eyes back down, focuses on Sebastian. "You don't think?"

He just shrugs. It's not that he thinks they aren't pretty, but it's... just the sky. The same old sky that's there every other night.

"Come here," Kurt says, tugging at Sebastian's hand and pulling him off the path and into the grass. Sebastian follows, and Kurt leads them past a couple trees to an open patch of grass, where he moves to sit.

"What are you doing?" Sebastian asks, a little confused but still humouring his boyfriend as he joins him on the ground.

"We're going to stargaze," Kurt says simply, and then he's laying on his back and staring up at the sky again, blue eyes sparkling in the soft moonlight.

"Okay," Sebastian says slowly, sighing a little as he lays down next to Kurt and looks up at the sky as well, though he's not quite sure what he should be looking at.

"See there?" Kurt asks, lifting a hand to point toward the sky. "Those four stars that make a box, and then those three make a curved line out from the corner?"

It takes him a minute, but finally he sees what Kurt is talking about. "Yeah," he says with a nod, though Kurt isn't looking his way, eyes still fixed on the stars.

"That's the big dipper," Kurt explains. "It's part of Ursa Major. And then if you look up from there, you can find Ursa Minor, the little dipper. See?"

"Yeah," he says after a moment. "It looks like that smaller one is being emptied into the bigger one."

"It does," Kurt says, pulling his eyes away briefly to smile at Sebastian, then looking back up. "At the end of Ursa Minor's tail, that's Polaris. The North Star."

"How do you know all of this?" Sebastian asks, turning to look at his boyfriend.

Kurt is quiet for a moment, but then he speaks, eyes still trained on the sky above. "I used to do this with my mom," he says quietly, "before she died. When I couldn't sleep, if the sky was clear, we'd sit outside wrapped in a blanket and just look at the sky, and she'd tell me all about the constellations. I mostly didn't pay attention," he admits with a light chuckle, "and I think she knew that. But it was nice to just hear her voice." He pauses, then after a beat, "I miss her voice."

"I'm sorry," Sebastian says, because he's never sure what else he can say when Kurt starts talking about his mother like this.

"It's okay," Kurt says, a little sadly, but Sebastian can see a hint of a smile on his boyfriend's face, so he figures he means it.

"After she died," he continues, "I used to sneak outside and look at the stars when I couldn't sleep. I always thought my dad didn't notice me doing it, but I'd fall asleep outside and wake up in my bed in the morning, so he must have. He never said anything, though. I think he knew why I was doing it."

"Because it reminded you of your mom?"

Kurt is silent, silent for so long that he thinks maybe he won't respond, until he does.

"Because it was the same," he says quietly, so quietly Sebastian could have missed it if it weren't for the silence of the night around them. "The same stars were always there when I looked at the sky. It didn't matter how much was changing. Didn't matter when we moved to a new house because dad couldn't afford the old one anymore, the sky never changed."

"She sounds like she was really great."

"She was," Kurt agrees quietly.

Several minutes of silence pass before Kurt breaks it again. "Sometimes I wonder if my dad and I would be so close if she was still here."

"I'm sure you would be," Sebastian says, turning to look at his boyfriend, and propping himself up on an elbow.

Kurt glances over and gives him a sad smile. "I don't think so," he says, before looking back up to the sky. "If my mom was alive, I know I would have gone to her first with anything. I only talked to my dad because I didn't have anyone else, and I just... I had to tell someone, you know?"

Sebastian is quiet then, Kurt's words settling over them. He wonders if Kurt would have told, if what had happened to him had happened to Kurt. He wonders if he'd have told his dad, or if that's the type of thing he'd only be able to bring himself to tell his mother. If he'd have been able to tell anyone. Sebastian thinks Kurt would have, if it had happened to him. Kurt is strong, one of the strongest people Sebastian has ever known.

Not like Sebastian. Sebastian who has always been close to his parents but still didn't, couldn't. And for what? It couldn't have been worse if he'd told, could it? It's too late now, won't make a difference now, because it's years in the past and he's older now and it's in the past, except... maybe it would.

Maybe it would make a difference. To tell someone.

He's been so scared, absolutely terrified of Kurt knowing anything about this part of him. But Kurt knows, has known for a while, knows probably more than he lets on and... it's okay. More than okay, really, it's been... freeing, almost, knowing that he doesn't have to pretend, knowing that Kurt knows and understands and supports him, and maybe telling someone can't change the past but it can change his present, can't it? Can change his future? Maybe if he isn't carrying this alone, everywhere he goes, buried as deep as he can get it but always threatening to come to the surface... maybe it would be easier.

Maybe...

Maybe.

He glances back to the side, sees Kurt still staring up to the sky, profile illuminated by the soft moonlight.

There's something different about nigh time. Laying here in the grass with his boyfriend, bathed in the cool glow of the moon, the world around them silent, ethereal. And...

Maybe it would be easier.

He takes a deep breath, then opens his mouth to speak, forces the words out before he can change his mind. "I was eight," he says quietly. He stares upward, can't bring himself to look at Kurt as he says this. "The first time, um... my dad was working a lot. And my mom was going to stay with one of her college friends in Paris. She was having some king of surgery or something, and needed somebody to stay with her for a few weeks. She could have just paid someone, I mean she had the money for it, but mom thought it would be a good excuse to spend time with her because they hadn't seen each other in years, so she insisted on going."

He knows he's rambling at this point, knows none of this matters at all, knows he's just putting off saying the things he really wants – not wants, not really, but needs – to say. But Kurt hasn't interrupted, just lies there silently beside him, listening and waiting.

He takes another deep breath, tries to calm himself before he continues on. "Anyway, um. So Marilyn offered to have me stay with her, since dad was so busy. And I actually remember looking forward to it," he says with a small, humourless laugh.

"Mom dropped me off on her way to the airport, and at first it was fine. But then a couple days in, Marilyn was always busy, she always had places to go so it was... it was just me and... him."

He pauses to breath, blinks back the tears he can feel threatening to fall, and he doesn't cry, not about this, not about anything, he doesn't understand. He feels Kurt's hand reach out, rest gently against his arm. It's just a small gesture, just Kurt telling him he's here and he's listening but he's never had that before, never had someone he could talk to and they would listen, and it's enough to trigger the tears. He feels them well up in his eyes, spill over and roll down the side of his face and into the grass. He lifts his hand, wipes at his cheeks with the back of it and sniffles a little before he continues.

"One night she wasn't home, I don't remember why, but he told me I could stay up late if I wanted. And I just remember being really excited, because I wasn't usually allowed. He put on some movie and made popcorn and got himself a beer, and I remember he asked me if I wanted one. I told him I wasn't allowed, and... and he said that it could be our secret. He told me I was growing up and he wouldn't tell anyone if I didn't. And I just thought it was so cool that he was letting me have a beer, I was proud that he was treating me like an adult, I guess, so I told him I wouldn't tell. I mean, what kid would turn that down, right?" he asks with another low chuckle.

"I drank it really fast because it was the first time I ever had anything to drink, so I didn't know, and I remember just feeling kind of tired and dizzy. And he... he told me that maybe it was bed time after all, he thought I could handle staying up late and having a beer with him but I couldn't, and he just sounded so disappointed. He, um... he took my hand and led me to the spare room I was staying in. And I just remember telling him that I could do it, and then he... I remember he looked at me, and he said that it was okay and he was going to help me. I didn't know what he meant, and he just asked me if I could keep another secret. So I said yes because I didn't want him to be disappointed, um, and then... and then he... he put his hands, um... on me. And I asked him to stop but he just told me that I needed to be a grown up, and if I couldn't be good then he'd have to tell my parents. He said he was helping me, and if I was good then he wouldn't tell anybody, and I just–"

He cuts himself off with a choked sob. He's not even sure when he started really crying beyond the few tears that escaped earlier, but he is, cheeks wet with tears and sobs racking his body.

Kurt is tugging at him then, sitting and pulling Sebastian into his arms and Sebastian goes willingly, wrapping his arms around Kurt and gripping him tightly, fingers digging into the fabric of the back of his coat. Kurt's arms wrap around him, too, holding firmly, a hand rubbing soothingly along his spine.

"You're okay," Kurt murmurs softly into his ear, "I've got you. You're okay. I'm here."

"I'm sorry," Sebastian chokes out. He doesn't know why he's such a mess, this happened years ago, why is he crying about it now?

"Hey, no," Kurt says, giving him a gentle squeeze. "You have nothing to apologize for. You haven't done anything wrong."

He wants to argue, but he doesn't, scared his voice will betray him. Instead he lets Kurt hold him, lets himself calm down in his boyfriend's arms, tries to ignore the thoughts in the back of his head telling him he's weak and he should be able to deal with this on his own, should have dealt with this so long ago now. Tries to ignore the thought that maybe now that Kurt knows he'll think he's weak, that he won't want him anymore.

"You know you didn't do anything wrong, right?" Kurt asks softly, once Sebastian's sobs have quieted to a sniffle.

He's silent for a moment before he responds, barely more than a whisper, "Then why did it keep happening?"

"Sebastian," Kurt breathes, arms squeezing tightly around him. "You were a kid. It's not your fault."

"But if I had just been able to say no, or told somebody, or–"

"No," Kurt says, firm but not unkind, "don't do that. You were a kid. He was an adult who was supposed to be taking care of you and he didn't. You can't blame yourself for that."

There are a few minutes of silence, Sebastian unable to respond because he does blame himself. There were so many times he could have said something but didn't, so many opportunities to do something and he didn't, of course it's his fault.

"Seb?" Kurt asks.

"Yeah?"

"It's not your fault."

Again, he doesn't respond.

"Tell me it's not your fault," Kurt says

"What?" Sebastian asks, surprised.

"Tell me it's not your fault," Kurt repeats.

"Kurt, I..." Sebastian starts, but trails off.

"I want you to say it. You don't have to believe it right now if you can't," Kurt explains, hand resuming its soothing slide along his spine, "but I want you to say it. And maybe someday you will."

"That's stupid," Sebastian argues.

"I don't care," Kurt says. "Just say it. For me? "

Sebastian just sighs.

"Please?" Kurt asks softly.

"Fine," Sebastian agrees reluctantly. "It... It's not my fault."

"Thank you," Kurt says, pressing a gentle kiss to Sebastian's still-wet cheek. "I love you."

For the second time that night, he breaks, a sob clawing its way up his throat and choking him. Kurt holds him tight against his chest, murmuring into his ear and kissing his hair as he cries, and he still blames himself, but Kurt doesn't.

And for now, maybe that can be enough.