A/N: Two chapters ago, I said that I had two more chapters planned and then it would probably be the end. Well... this is not the end. If I'm being honest, I WANTED it to be the end, because this fic has been a WIP for longer than I'd like, and I prefer to write my works in full before I post them, but this story just keeps demanding to be written, and someone has to write it, so... here I am. Still writing. With more ideas for more chapters. That's what I get for trying to make any sort of statement about how much of this fic I have left!
This chapter is a bit longer than usual. I have been thinking about it since I decided to make this a multi-chatered fic. It's always been at the back of my mind, and I could never decide how I wanted to handle it. I was back and forth on so many things, and I knew it was important so I wanted to do it right. But even as I was writing this, I still didn't know what I wanted to do with it, so I just wrote and this is what happened. Even with all of the possibilities that have been running through my head for months, this somehow managed to still not be what I had envisioned in any of those cases. That being said... I really love this chapter. And I hope you do, too.
Content warning for sexual content, though nothing too graphic/explicit.
Five months and sixteen days. That's how long they've been together, officially. And things have been good, so good, so much better than they had ever seemed like they could be in the beginning. They've come so far, both of them, individually and together. So far in talking and communicating and just being together, sometimes it still doesn't feel quite real to Kurt. Sometimes it feels like he's waiting for something to go wrong, like this can't be real, like they can't be as good as they are.
Of course they're not perfect; nobody is. They still bicker, still have moments when Sebastian stiffens under his touch or when Kurt feels the panic start to build up inside him when things get too much too fast, but... that's okay. They don't have to be perfect. They're learning to work through those things, and every time they do they get better, learn more, grow closer. It's messy and imperfect but it's theirs and Kurt can't help but fall just a little more in love with his boyfriend every time he looks into those mischievous emerald eyes.
Sebastian pulls the car into the Hummel-Hudson's driveway, headlights illuminating the asphalt, Kurt's car, and... the distinct lack of any other vehicles.
Kurt frowns. "They should be home by now," he says, reaching a hand into his pocket and digging out his phone. He unlocks it, and the screen lights up with a missed text from his father.
"They're staying in Columbus for the night," he says. His dad and Carole had gone to an event in the city; being an elected official apparently came with lots of fancy events around the state. They had planned on driving home afterward, but apparently it had run later than planned, so they're spending the night in a hotel.
"That would explain it," Sebastian hums.
"Did you want to come in?" Kurt asks.
Sebastian looks over at him, smiles. "Sure."
The boys climb out of the car, make their way into the house then up to Kurt's room where he hangs his coat in the closet.
"What do you want to do?" Kurt asks.
"You," Sebastian shoots back with a smirk.
Kurt snorts a laugh. "How romantic," he says with a grin, brushing him off.
"You know me," Sebastian grins back, "hopeless romantic."
"You've got the hopeless part right at least," Kurt counters.
"Hey," Sebastian pouts, "I'm not hopeless." He takes a few steps toward Kurt, grabs his waist and pulls him close, looking down into his eyes.
Kurt gazes back up, gives him a warm smile. "No, you're not," he agrees.
Sebastian leans down then, kisses him softly. It's sweet and gentle and familiar and safe, Sebastian's lips on his, Sebastian's hand reaching to cup his jaw as the kiss deepens. He slides his own hand up and threads his fingers through his boyfriend's hair, holding him there, here, against him.
He's been thinking about it a lot, lately. Them. Being together, in that way. He thinks he's ready for more. Maybe not everything, but... more, at least. He's still nervous, still a little unsure, but it's not the type of uncertainty he used to feel any time he thought about sex with another boy; instead, it's the uncertainty that comes with new experiences and growth, and where it used to make his stomach churn to think about it he now feels a small thrill at the thought.
He pulls back from the kiss, looks up into familiar green eyes. They've talked about it a bit, usually on the days Kurt feels guilty, like he should be ready when he's not, like he owes Sebastian more than he can give. And they've done things together, progressed from heated kisses and light petting to grinding against each other until they come in their pants, and they haven't both been naked together yet but a week and a half ago he opened Sebastian's pants and reached his hand in, explored his boyfriend with his hands and his mouth and stroked Sebastian until his hips stuttered and he'd come with a high gasp over Kurt's hand. Sebastian had offered to return the favour, but Kurt has blushed and declined, self-conscious and not sure he was ready to be touched like that – touching his boyfriend was one thing, but there's something different, fundamentally so much more intimate and vulnerable, and he wasn't sure he was ready at the time, the offer sprung on him unexpectedly and no time to prepare.
But... he's been thinking. Thinking about that offer, thinking about what he wants and what he could have and how safe Sebastian makes him feel, and he thinks that maybe he's ready, maybe he can let himself be that vulnerable, with Sebastian. Maybe he wants to be.
"Did you mean it?" Kurt asks softly.
Sebastian gives him a confused look. "Mean what?"
"That you wanted to do me," Kurt replies, and he regrets it the second it's out of his mouth, because that is what Sebastian had said but, really, he could have found a much better way to phrase it.
Sebastian gives a little bewildered laugh. "Kurt, I think you know I mean it. Have you seen yourself?" his boyfriend asks, eyes flickering down to roam across what he can see of Kurt's body, pressed close together like they are.
Kurt rolls his eyes. He really should have expected that answer. "You're an idiot," he says fondly, then pulls further away from Sebastian, goes to sit on the bed and looks back at his boyfriend expectantly. Sebastian follows, sits on the bed beside him, watches him with curious eyes.
"I... I might be ready," Kurt says, voice a little shaky with nerves.
Sebastian studies him for a moment, lips pursed, before he speaks. "You might be ready?" he asks slowly.
"I am," Kurt amends. "I'm ready. Not for– not for everything, but I want you to... um. I want to let you return the favor." He gives a small, awkward smile as he feels his cheeks warm.
He'd expected a laugh, maybe, but instead Sebastian frowns. "Kurt," he says carefully, "you know you don't have to do anything you don't want to, right? If I pressured you, I'm sorry, it was just a joke, I–"
"No," Kurt corrects quickly, "no, you aren't pressuring me. I've been thinking about it, and... I want to."
The frown falls away from his face, but Sebastian's expression is still serious. "You're sure? Because Kurt, I swear, if you're not ready it's okay, I don't want you to do this just because you think–"
"I'm sure," Kurt says, cutting him off again. "I'm sure," a little more softly.
Sebastian takes in a deep breath, exhales slowly. "Okay."
"Okay," Kurt agrees, voice pitched a little higher than usual.
Sebastian reaches a hand up, cups Kurt's jaw again that way he does, pulls Kurt into another gentle kiss, and this time it feels like a promise.
Sebastian pushes him backward onto the bed, and Kurt goes willingly, lets Sebastian climb on top of him and press him into the mattress, a low whimper escaping him as his boyfriend settles on top, rolls his hips just a little.
He slides a hand up the back of Sebastian's shirt, fingers tracing along his spine as their tongues explore each other, teeth nipping at lips, soft sighs and moans muffled between their lips. Sebastian breaks the kiss first, plants a soft kiss on Kurt's cheek before kissing down his jaw, to his neck, to that spot just above his collarbone that makes Kurt squirm beneath him, whimpering, nails digging into Sebastian's back instinctively. Sebastian mouths at the skin there, licking and sucking and drawing a cacophony of moans and gasps as he grinds his hips down into Kurt's.
Kurt tugs up at the hem of Sebastian's shirt, and Sebastian pulls away just long enough to pull it up and over his head, tossing it to the side on the floor somewhere before he's reattaching his lips to Kurt's throat, nimble fingers working at the buttons of Kurt's own shirt.
"You need to wear clothes with less buttons," Sebastian mumbles into his neck.
Kurt feels a laugh bubble out of him, though it comes out funny as Sebastian nips at the skin just behind his ear. "Consider yourself lucky I don't dabble in corsetry anymore," he counters, breathless.
"Maybe I should just invest in a good pair of scissors," Sebastian muses.
"You will do no such thing," Kurt says, scandalized, giving Sebastian's shoulder a light smack.
Sebastian looks up at him with a smirk. "We'll see," he replies, and Kurt opens his mouth to argue but no words come out, just a groan as Sebastian pops another button open and leans down to draw a nipple into his mouth. He feels Sebastian's smirk against his chest, knows the self-satisfied look that must be on his boyfriend's face, but he can't be bothered to care at the moment.
He feels the hand sliding down his side to rest at his hip, fingers dipping teasingly below the waist of his pants. Sebastian pulls his mouth from Kurt's chest, and they lock eyes for a moment before Sebastian dips down again to plant a kiss on his lips. It's different, not the heated kiss he was expecting, but gentle, soft but firm, and... comforting. Reassuring. Like Sebastian is trying to tell him with this kiss that he's here, he's going to take care of him, he loves him, and Kurt feels suddenly overwhelmed with it, what he's going to let Sebastian do, what they are about to do together. He feels the hand at his hip trace along the waist of his pants to the front, sliding down to cup him through his jeans and drawing a moan from him that Sebastian swallows into their kiss. The hand moves to work at his belt, pulling it open before he's at the button and zipper of his pants, and it's too much, too much all at once.
"S-stop," he stutters, pulling back from the kiss enough to get the word out.
Sebastian's freezes instantly, then pulls his hand away, pulls back and looks down at Kurt, eyes wide and full of concern and he looks almost afraid, though Kurt can tell he's trying to hide it.
"Kurt, shit, I'm sorry, I didn't mean–"
"No, it's okay," Kurt interrupts him, "it's not... it was just, a lot. I just need a minute."
"We can stop," Sebastian offers quickly. "Seriously, Kurt, we don't have to do this, if you're not–"
"No, I am," Kurt insists. "I want to. It's just... a lot. Just give me a minute."
"Okay," Sebastian agrees, hesitant, and he climbs off Kurt and settles back on his heels beside him, studying his boyfriend carefully.
Kurt shifts on the bed, sits up against the headboard, tries to catch his breath, steady himself, gather his thoughts. He is ready, he knows he is. But that doesn't make it any less new, any less intimidating, any less of a decision that there's no coming back from. It's like he's giving something to Sebastian, something he can never take back, and he feels silly for making it such a big deal because he knows it's not, but he can't help it. It feels big, to him.
"Kurt, talk to me," Sebastian says softly, moving to sit beside Kurt against the headboard, grabbing one of his hands and giving it a light squeeze, and Kurt looks over at his boyfriend, cheeks flushed pink and wide, kind eyes, and they really have come so far, haven't they?
Kurt takes a deep, steadying breath. "I'm okay," he says, tries to sound certain.
Sebastian looks at him skeptically. "Are you sure?"
"Yes," Kurt says, a little more certain. "I'm sure."
Sebastian's gaze is still wary. "I don't want to do anything you're not ready for. I'm serious, Kurt," he says carefully.
"I know," Kurt says with a nod. "I want this. I'm ready. I just... it's a lot," he says, voice wavering slightly.
"What's a lot?" Sebastian asks softly, stroking a thumb over the back of Kurt's hand.
"It's just... I've never done this. Gone this far. And I don't... it just feels like a bit step, that's all. It's stupid, I know that, I don't know why I'm making this a big deal, I just–"
"Hey," Sebastian interrupts, firm but not unkind. "It's not stupid. Your feelings aren't stupid." He blushes a little deeper, than says, "I'm nervous, too, you know."
Kurt lets out a small, disbelieving laugh. "Yeah, right."
"I'm serious," he says, still blushing. "I've done this before, but not... it's never really meant anything, you know?"
Kurt looks back at Sebastian, studies him for a long moment, sparkling green eyes and rosy cheeks and nervous smile and, god, Sebastian is nervous. He knows Sebastian wanted to take things slow, didn't want to rush into things with Kurt in the beginning, but he'd never really thought Sebastian would be nervous, and it's... comforting, actually, knowing that he's not the only one. It takes some of the pressure off.
"Okay," he says, voice still a little shaky still, but he's sure. He knows he's sure, knows this is what he wants, now, with Sebastian.
"Okay?" Sebastian asks hesitantly.
"Kiss me," Kurt says, more a demand than a request, but Sebastian doesn't seem to take issue with that, leaning over to press their lips together again.
He loses himself in it, their kiss, Sebastian's scent, the feel of lips and teeth and tongues and the heat of Sebastian's mouth, lets himself feel overwhelmed with it, surrounded and safe and consumed with a want, a need to be closer to him, to touch and be touched and to taste and to feel. He feels Sebastian's hands on him again, tracing along the bare skin just above his hips. Gentle, hesitant, like a question. He brings his own hand to Sebastian's, guides him to the front of his pants in answer, lets out a soft, shuddering moan as Sebastian cups him, squeezes gently, emboldened by Kurt's initiative.
Sebastian pulls back slightly, breaks the kiss and rests his forehead against Kurt's, both boys breathing heavily. "You're sure?" he asks, voice low and desperate.
"I'm sure," Kurt breathes back.
Sebastian leans down, kisses at Kurt's jaw as he works at Kurt's pants with his hands, popping open the button and pulling the zipper down. Kurt gasps as his boyfriend sucks at the spot on his neck that never fails to make him squirm, and they're doing this, they're really doing this.
This is happening.
Sebastian huffs out a laugh, and Kurt freezes.
"What?" he asks, voice high and defensive despite his best efforts.
"Nothing, Kurt, it's just... I could use a little help here," Sebastian responds, and amused expression on his face as he tugs gently at the waist of Kurt's pants and watches as they don't move an inch.
"Oh, right," Kurt says, feels his face heat with embarrassment, hopes it isn't noticeable through the flush of arousal already colouring his cheeks. He shifts on the bed, lifts himself so he can slide his pants down past his hips, peeling them off his legs and tossing them to the floor.
It's awkward. When he'd imagined his first time doing this, it was never awkward. It was always easy and smooth and romantic and the most natural thing in the world, not the awkward fumbling that this is turning into. It still feels natural, though. Better than he'd imagined, weirdly, because while it may not be the picture-perfect image he'd had in his head, this is real. This is them. And nothing could be better than that.
He squirms a little under Sebastian's gaze, his boyfriend just starting at him, mouth open slightly, eyes raking across his body, and it's intimidating to be stared at this openly. He's never been this naked with someone before; realistically it's not much different from wearing his swim shorts to the pool in the summer, and yet it couldn't be more different.
Finally, finally, Sebastian moves, brings his lips to Kurt's, kisses him deep and slow, sensual, languid as he moves a hand to the front of Kurt's boxers – the thin fabric all that remains between them – and runs his fingers gently over him, drawing a shudder from Kurt at the teasing sensation.
"Mmm, someone's happy to see me," Sebastian murmurs against his lips, and Kurt huffs out a laugh.
"Shut up," he counters, voice breathless and really not the most convincing at the moment.
"You don't mean that," Sebastian says with a smirk, planting a quick kiss on Kurt's lips before kissing down to his neck.
"No, I d-don't," Kurt stutters, trying to hold his composure as Sebastian slides a hand beneath the waistband of his boxers.
"No you don't," Sebastian agrees, smiling against Kurt's neck as he strokes him with his hand.
There's not actually much talking after that, just the breathless moans and stuttered gasps that Sebastian draws from him with his hands, and then his mouth, heat pooling in his stomach as he builds to his release and Sebastian pulls back as Kurt spills onto his stomach, his boyfriend's name on his lips.
He gives himself a minute, lets himself come down from it, waits until he's not dizzy from it and he can focus on Sebastian, the other boy watching him carefully. He offers a smile, huffs a small, awkward laugh, and Sebastian smiles back, looks almost relieved, like he hadn't been expecting Kurt to be happy about this; not that Kurt can conceive of being anything other than entirely relaxed and content at the moment.
"You okay?" Sebastian asks, still a little careful.
Kurt can't help but laugh again. "What do you think?"
Sebastian raises an eyebrow, gives Kurt an amused look, but he can tell his boyfriend is still a little anxious. "Humour me."
"I'm great, Seb. More than great. That was... thank you."
It's Sebastian's turn to laugh now, tension seemingly eased. "You're thanking me for giving you a blowjob?" he asks incredulously.
"Well, I could not thank you," Kurt counters.
"I can think of a better option," Sebastian hints, and it reminds Kurt that he does actually have a favour to repay now.
"Oh," he says, blushing a little, because in all the excitement he had almost forgotten.
"My dick's not gonna suck itself," Sebastian says matter-of-factly, and Kurt smacks him on the arm.
"You are such a boy," he scolds.
"A boy who just had your dick in his mouth," Sebastian counters with a knowing grin.
"Oh my god," Kurt groans.
"I've heard that phrase before," Sebastian muses, "but I think it was a little louder last time."
"You sound like someone who doesn't want to get off today," Kurt shoots back.
"Oh come on," Sebastian whines, "you're not gonna be that guy who gets his rocks off then leaves me high and dry, are you?"
Kurt watches Sebastian carefully for a moment, looks him up and down before, finally, "No, I suppose not. But," he clarifies, "only because I like you so much."
"Of course," Sebastian agrees knowingly.
"Lord knows why," Kurt adds quietly.
"Hey, I heard tha–," Sebastian starts, but cuts himself off with a gasp as Kurt palms him through his pants.
"You were saying?" Kurt asks with a smirk.
"Nothing," Sebastian replies quickly.
"That's what I thought," Kurt smiles.