12th November 2014: Two Gold Rings

It was a symbol of marriage and he did think he had some sort of audacity to ask her to take him back but being in prison after all these months, he felt as if he could have a happy marriage again and in a way, he had a sense of naivety which went with it. He knew Michelle would be angry and she had a right to be and it just added to the hurt he had accumulated in the short time he had been back on the street. He needed to see her though and he wouldn't stop until he saw her one last time, he couldn't give up without a fight.

He excused himself and his dad immediately said he wanted to go with him but he assured him that he wasn't going to drink not that he believed him, that also hurt. He knew that one drink could kill him but he also knew that not having this opportunity to see Carla again could finish him off as well. He couldn't let her go, not yet, not until they had a proper discussion, the other night in the pub just wasn't good enough, he wanted her to feel his emotions and he wanted to feel her emotions, no sarcastic comments no banter, just straight talking.

He made his way swiftly over to the factory and let himself in but she wasn't there, Sally let slip that she had moved into Victoria Court so that was where he went, he strolled off down to Victoria Court like a man on a mission, he just didn't really know the purpose of the mission he was reached the security door and glanced through the names which were on the flat intercom and he saw the name 'Connor' he buzzed up, she answered he asked to see her, she declined, he tried again and she wouldn't let him up, he tried one more time and she finally gave in not wanting to cause a scene because that was ultimately what it would cause if he was to continue. He rushed up the stairs and the door was already open for him, she was leaning against her kitchen counter, her legs crossed as she looks at him, a big juicy glass of malbec in her hands, she tilts her head to the side. There was something about her expressionless face which sent chills down his spine.

"Nice place" he muses causing her to push herself off the counter and walk over to him "I wanted to talk to you, about us..."

"What about us?"

"Well, I just want a straight-talking conversation without any littler sarcastic remarks thrown in there about my brew making skills preferably"

"So, you want an honest conversation?"

"Yes"

"When you couldn't be honest for a good number of months about an affair when I was carrying your baby? Wow prison really has done you wonders"

"So much for no sarcasm" he mutters causing her to grin slightly "Michelle came around, what is she now, your errand girl?"

"She has her uses" she shrugs nonchalantly "Why are you really here Peter?"

"I said why I was here" he states shaking his head wondering if she was really paying attention to him but no doubt she was looking for alterior motives

"What do you want to say to me then?"

"I want you to give me another chance and if not then I wanted to say goodbye to you properly before I leave for Portsmouth"

"You're leaving?" she raises an eyebrow whilst refilling her glass "So you're leaving me to deal with all the stares and all the questions, as usual, thanks for that"

"You know why I have to go"

"Do I?"

"Yes, if I'm here I will drink myself to death"

"But if you're with me, you won't? That makes no sense considering you were drinking when we were together so don't give me that"

"With you there, it will be difficult, Tina's not here now-"

"Seriously?" her nostrils flare "You have no sympathy for her, she made a mistake and lost her life, Peter, she was young and she was stupid enough to fall for you! She won't get to have kids, she won't get to get married she won't get to live her life, yes she had an affair with my husband she was still a stupid kid"

"I know it was partly my fault-"

"Seriously? You're actually going to put half of the blame on her?"

"Who else can I blame?"

"Yourself and then you can learn to fix your mistakes, you've learnt nothing out of this have you?"

"I don't understand" he shrugs really not knowing where she was coming from

"You need to go for you Peter, you need to go and get your head straight so you can be a better father to Simon so you can be a better person in general, you need to sort that head out of yours"

"I don't want to leave, I really don't want to"

"So what? You're just hoping for some rose-tinted reunion? I think you're dreaming matey" she chuckles slightly downing the rest of her glass

"I want you, Carla, I still love you"

"I still love you as well" she nods in agreement, his eyes light up hopefully "But I'm not going to take you back because I don't know if I can trust you enough for you not to hurt me again, I lost so much Peter"

"I know you did"

"Not only did I lose so much, I lost a part of me which I will never get back, I lost my baby, I'm never getting her back"

"I know"

"Not only all of that, but I also lost my brother because he was trying to protect me and make me happy in his own twisted away, those reasons above are why I can't take you back right now"

"I accept that, I just wanted one last try, I'm leaving for Portsmouth in a few days"

"Good and I hope you realise your mistakes" she smiles slightly "I do still love you I probably will forevermore but right now you need to realise what you did was not right and you need to realise the mistakes that you made caused so much hurt and pain"

"I understand" he nods "Thank you, for listening and being honest"

"It's not a problem" she smiles walking over to the door and opening it, she stands beside it, he walks to it and looks at her, she leans up and kisses him passionately on the lips on impulse, she pulls away "Goodbye Peter"

"Goodbye Carla" he smiles cupping her cheek before leaving the flat, she closes the door and she collapses onto the floor in a sheer force of heaving sobs, everything hurt but she knew this was the right thing to do for her and for him, here she was again ready to stick all the broken pieces together to become whole again...