19th May 2014: Duvet Day

Ultimately it was a difficult day, the past few days had been crazy for them both, first, he forgets to show up for their 12-week scan, the only remain was a photo which his wife had of their unborn baby, he couldn't believe how stupid he was to put boozing before his wife and own baby and in the process, he hurt himself. She was mad with him, they argued and that was that there was no more to say about it. He really did hate himself more than ever during this moment but he was determined to feel a bit more positive today and that was something she revelled in entirely, she actually believed he was starting to make an effort.

They were eating breakfast and they talked some more but they made sure that it was done in a calm environment and in a way where they could both communicate with each other wholeheartedly about anything they desired, about their concerns and about the way that their lives would change in the coming months. After they talked they went off to work, after all, it was Peter's suggestion and she didn't want to railroad him into a state of recovery even if she may have thought he needed it.

The day went as well as it could but with narky comments from the staff Peter was off like a shot leaving Carla to sigh and pick up the pieces, she immediately went home afraid of what he may do, she was so scared that he would have drunken himself into a state of oblivion but no he was home. She consoled him and supported him, tried to make him feel better, it worked to an extent and then she suggested the idea of having a duvet day, he agreed, the thought of going out too great for him right now and if he did go out he knew exactly where he would end up, drunk in a gutter somewhere no doubt. She ran into the bedroom making him laugh slightly, she placed the duvet out on the sofa and snuggled under it, he joined her.

"I am sorry you know" he smiles, she clambers onto his lap and snuggles into him "You really don't need this stress"

"I just want to know why, I understand it's a lot of pressure, a new baby and all that but we can do this if we have each other"

"I know we can as well, it's just the thought of Simon"

"Simon?" she's interested now, was she finally going to figure out what was going on in his mind?

"Yeah I wasn't there for him, I've barely been a good role model for him and now there's this little one who's a fresh start, I'm afraid of getting it wrong again"

"Me too, well I'm afraid of getting it wrong too" she muses "God I'm petrified but with you, by my side, I feel as if I can do this, Peter, I've seen you with Simon and you're an amazing dad to him, you just need to believe in yourself"

"I know I do" he sighs in response to her statement "I just worry"

"I know you do but I believe in us, this baby believes in us to make the right choices"

"What was the scan like?" he dares to ask, the pang on guilt very prominent in his heart making him feel like a bad person

"Magical" she grins grabbing the picture and admiring it "It really was, the sonographer was pointing out all the little features of the baby, the arms and the legs, the head and the heartbeat, it really was magical, there's no other way I can describe it"

"What do you reckon it is?"

"Not a clue" she chuckles slightly "What about you?"

"A baby would be nice but I would understand if it's some sort of alien in your womb which comes out wearing six-inch heels" he grins causing her to nudge him in the ribs "Seriously though? I would love a girl, then I would have a girl and a boy"

"Hm" she muses "I guess a little girl would be nice, I haven't a clue what to do with a boy"

"Oh come off it you're great with Si, but if it was a little girl it would be the best-dressed kid in town" he smirks causing her to laugh

"I've missed this" she admits, he frowns "Us being like this, I've missed having you to myself and I've missed this part of our relationship, this is meant to be the good bit"

"I know it is and I've screwed it up, haven't I?"

"Don't put yourself down, yes you've made some mistakes-"

"A lot of mistakes" he corrects her, she nudges him again

"But you're only human, it's ok to make mistakes, alcoholism is an illness Peter you can't cure it but we can find a way forward, a positive way forward without you needing to down a bottle of Jack Daniels every time you feel like the world is falling apart"

"I don't deserve you"

"Yeah well you're stuck with me, I'm not going anywhere" she stretches out alongside the sofa, he places a hand gingerly on her tummy, the faint roundedness of her bump taking shape "It's there now isn't it?"

"Yeah, it's amazing, you can still hide it though"

"About that-"

"No please-"

"Hear me out" she sighs, he just rolls his eyes and nods "Maybe telling people will make it seem more real and give you a reason to stay sober"

"No, Carla, I'm not ready for that"

"Ok...ok, it was just a suggestion, that's all it was, just an idea, don't panic I won't force it on you"

"Thank you" he kisses her on the forehead "I can't believe I'm going to be a dad again"

"I can't believe I'm going to be Mum, that's something that I never thought I would say"

"You're amazing you know that?"

"If you say so, you're pretty amazing too" she leans up to kiss him before wrapping her arms around his neck and snuggling into him "We're going to be alright, me and you"

"Yeah, I think so too" he whispers, it was a shame he didn't believe it because as soon as the truth came out, he knew he would want to run a mile and he knew he would be fighting for her forgiveness...