29th January 2021: Please Don't Go...

"I need you...don't go..."

Her face resembled somewhat disbelief and shock, her eyes were somewhat wide and she didn't know what to think. Was he actually being honest and did that really just happen. Considering her love for the man stood in front of her, she really did have to ask herself once again if this was for keeps, if he really wanted this instead of them trying to make something of nothing. Well it wouldn't be nothing, there was still so much love to be had over what they had, or have, or...she didnt know but her heart felt torn, ever so torn and she really didnt know what to do for the best.

The whole thing was down to her betrayal and that was where the guilt resided. She basically kicked him whilst he was down and self-destructed and that was what they did when something wasnt going their way their self-destructed and then betray each other. The fear of that would always be in the background of their relationship, sometimes she just wished they could be normal but with one another's baggage she knew it would never be the case. Their relationship could never be simple, it was complex but the love still burned bright and in a way, it added a temptation to make it work once more but she was unsure if it would actually work because it was so difficult, ever so difficult.

"At least just think about it...think about it..."

There was nothing to think about, there really wasnt maybe because she felt numb with the shock that there was a sliver of hope that Peter still loved her after everything she did. There was something about the way he asked her to stay, the way he asked her to think about it, an innocence almost, an innocence to show his true feelings on the situation and that was something she admired right now because he had struggled to be honest with her. Deep down she knew there was nothing to think about because,

"It's not too late...it's not too late"

Thats because it wasnt, it wasnt too late for forgiveness, it wasnt too late to forget and move on and more importantly it wasnt too late to love. The way she held him in her arms made everything dissipate into nothingness, into feelings that needed to be expressed. He was hurting so much and she contributed to that but if doing this made him feel that little bit better then she would do it, forever. Daniel made himself scarce as it was an intimate moment for them both, they gently held each other in their arms, resting their foreheads together as they closed their eyes revelling in the feelings and the love they were emitting from their bodies.

"I should have forgiven you"

"No" she shakes her head tilting his head up and kissing him softly on the lips "No what I did was wrong on many levels-"

"But what I did, saying all those things to make you..."

"No, Peter we are both in the wrong, we move on-"

"How?" he questions tearily, she hushes him gently holding his head against her chest raking her fingers through his hair

"First we start with going indoors because it's freezing out here," she says quietly, he nods weakly kissing her one last time which she reciprocates

Explaining was the hardest thing to do, explaining to family about what they were now. Were they an item? To be honest it was the last thing on either of their minds as what mattered right now was getting him better along with the maturity and honesty they needed to have with each other. Maybe they were being naive to think they could be something they once were with double the baggage than before.

Of course, Peter wanted her to stay which was perfectly fine, she wanted to be there for him and they needed a chance to speak to each other properly, honestly and with raw emotion where things may be said to one another which may lead them upset or angry. Neither of them would kick off though, they had got this far and these things needed to be said.

"Near the wall or on the end?"

"Near the wall" she smiles unpacking her suitcase and grabbing her nightdress, he bites his lip "Dont get too excited, you're resting"

"With you in that thing?" he questions gesturing to her satin night-dress, she just smirks at him "You'll kill me off before the alcohol even has a chance-"

"Don't be so dramatic" she mutters, she didn't really like him saying that as she didn't want him to go, he grins slightly undressing before almost feeling over in exhaustion, she sighs helping him do it kissing him on the lips each time she removes an item of clothing from his body "You're not weak"

It was like she already knew what he was thinking, the exhaustion creeping up on him but with her gentle reassurance that she didnt view him differently was something that he loved her for. She climbed into bed first, he followed and she rested her head on his chest listening to the steady beat of his heart.

"I'm so grateful that I can hear your heart still"

"I'm just grateful that you're here," he says linking his hand through hers, he kisses her on the lips one last time before pulling her into his body

"This isn't a good idea" she smirks knowing exactly where this was going "As much as I want to, you're in no fit state"

"Fine" he sighs, she tilts his head towards her

"Doesn't mean I won't stop kissing you though" she whispers as they kiss, he cups her cheek as they just continue to kiss, explore each other's mouths even though they knew one another inside and out "I hope to never stop kissing you"

"You might find that a bit impossible if one of us needs to go to the loo-"

"Stop it" she giggles slightly whacking him on the chest playfully, she drapes her leg over his body "Speak to me, I want to help"

"I dont know what to say, I'm not taking the easy route out but I just dont know Carla, I'm a mess, you know that, I know that, everyone knows that"

"You're my mess though" she reminds him tracing her fingers over his tattoos, he just smiles "Have you had any crav-"

"Always," he says knowing exactly what she was going to say, she nods slowly "But you being here are making then less intense, I should have let you back in sooner, I was just angry and mindset that this was the end-"

"You have every right to be angry Peter" she responds, he just nods slowly "Look, I want to help so whatever you need, you come to me ok, day or night I know we won't be together all the time but I am here. If you need me in the middle of the night ring my phone, send me texts, even come and bash on the cafe door-"

"Yeah because Roy and Nina would love that" Peter says causing her to pull a face

"Who cares about them, they'll understand," she says gently as Peter kisses her on the top of her head "You look tired, have you been sleeping ok?"

"It's hard, I'm so scared of closing my eyes in case I..." he trails off gulping, she hushes him and lets him rest his head on her chest as she rakes her fingers through his hair

"We're going to get you better, it's going to be a long road ahead but we're going to do it because I can't live my world without you in it"

"I can't live without you in my world either even if I dont have much of a world to live right now-"

"Dont say that. We're going to do this as a team, we're going to do this because I can't live without you Peter Barlow, I've said it once before and I'm saying it again"

"I love you too Carla"