"At least security's more lenient," Jack mused, scratching his stubble as he stepped onto the elevator platform. The shave hadn't gone so well earlier on. He stopped through fear of accidentally filleting his neck using the machete. He ignored the fact that the lift was yet another floating blue hexagon, instead opting to gaze straight out over the massive lobby whilst he waited for the receptionist to send the lift on its way. She was busy dealing with a few other people, which allowed Jack time to assess the building. It was like a skyscraper; Glass pillars were everywhere, accompanied by colourful lights that lit up the entire area in a whole spectrum of glows. The staff he had seen were wearing clothes that were equally as vibrant, all dressed in purples and blues and reds of all shades.
And then there was Jack: lugging around a whole host of unforgivably intimidating guns, wearing military green and black, plus a pair of jeans that were still covered in frays, burn marks, small bits of spattering from the Dogoo massacre a week or so before and a pair of scuffed black Magnum boots. That didn't even take into account the few extra cuts he'd accidentally put on his face when he'd been 'shaving', the dirt staining his face in small quantities, and his blonde hair that gave him the image of a professional bank robber. All he needed was a stupid 'Heist Name', like 'New York', 'Manhattan', or 'Dallas', or something equally as daft.
Just as he returned to looking at the receptionist, waiting for her to send the lift up to the floor that Lady Neptune lived on, there came the sudden cry of "Wait a second!" Jack turned to look at the source, and was surprised to see two women of differing heights, colour preferences, and (most notably) cup sizes, quickly rushing to get onto the elevator. The first of the two, a rather short brunette with green eyes and an ill-fitting blue coat, stepped on first, prompting Jack to step back and give them both room on the hexagon-lifting-device. "Thanks for waiting," gasped the girl as her friend stepped on as well. "Normally a longer wait for a lift up." Jack shrugged, sizing them both up. They were shorter than him. His status as the tallest in the world remained.
"Not like I control the lift or anythin'," he replied calmly. "Did you run here?"
"Yeah," she smiled, dusting off the left side of her massive blue coat. "Like I said, we end up waiting for five or ten minutes for the lift to come down again." That raised Jack's brow.
"Ten minutes?" he whistled, shifting his weight. "Christ, that's even worse than back home. Anyway, which floor you headed to?"
"The goddess' quarters," she replied smoothly. "We were called by Lady Histoire, since she says she's not been feeling too well lately."
"So you're doctors, then?"
"Well, I'm not. Compa is, though." She gestured to the other, slightly taller woman with the pink hair and even pinker irises. She was wearing a cream-coloured wool jumper with a short red plaid skirt and a pair of long black stockings. On her head was a black band that went through her hair, with a large white 'C' on it, and a black collar with a pink heart on it. Compa offered a beaming smile and a wave, with an unidentified 'squee' noise coming from nowhere. Jack was almost tempted to look around for the source, but then he remembered he was in a world where there were next to no men, and the only men he had met were his best friend and homicidal Russian gang members.
"Hi!" she said in a very friendly voice. Jack offered his own smile, and a wave back.
"Afternoon," he replied, eyeing her over. The lift suddenly began a slow ascent, prompting Jack to look down at it in a slight panic, and almost raise his shotgun. Compa and the smaller woman looked at him in bemusement.
"You're not from around here, are you?" asked the brunette. Jack shook his head.
"Nope, not at all," he responded, straightening up. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you where I'm from."
"Well, you're too tall to be from anywhere in Gamindustri," she shrugged, assessing his height. "I'm average height for a woman here. Men are just a bit taller. You're...huge!"
"And the thing about that is that I'm about average height for a bloke where I'm from." Jack paused, and looked at Compa. "But are you considered tall in Gamindustri, then?" Compa nodded.
"Yup! My medical teacher said that it's the reason I'm so good at carrying bodies!" Jack looked at her in confusion.
"...you carry bodies?"
"Yessy! Basic training!"
"But you're supposed to make people better, ain't you?"
"Yep."
"So why're you trained to carry corpses?" Compa stood with her arms down by her sides, looking at him like he'd just made a startling accusation of her.
"...corpses?" she whimpered. Her face was already pale, and she looked to be on the brink of tears. Jack was quick to begin damage controlling, because the brunette looked like she was considering pushing him off the lift.
"N-No, no, I'm not sayin' you're killin' anybody, I'm just...wonderin'..." he trailed off. "But seriously, don't cry over it, your medical trainin' is much more safe than the trainin' I did to come here." He lifted up his shirt, revealing the scars from the year before: A large circular dent on his ribs from a nine millimeter handgun shot; a long scar over his stomach where he had been cut with a bayonet during CQC training; and a set of thick bite marks from a coyote attack in the wilderness. Compa stared at these in awe, whilst the brunette folded her arms and looked doubtfully at them. "Pistol shot, knife wound, bite mark. Don't think you'd get those workin' in a hospital."
"Wow..." Compa's eyes sparkled slightly, the colour returning to her face. She reached forwards slowly, and poked the larger gunshot scar on his lower ribs. Jack didn't feel her touching it, due to a lack of proper nerves there, but her fingers occasionally brushed the edge of the skin he could feel, causing him to shift slightly. "It must have hurt."
"Not particularly," he shrugged. "I can't feel anythin' there, anyway. Plus, the last person to see that wound was me. Before that, it was the person who gave it to me. So I'm certain it's better that an actual medical professional's seen it." Compa swallowed slightly, her expression wavering a bit.
"Um...Y-Yeah. Professional."
Now Jack was concerned.
When Compa finally stopped poking him like he was some exotic creature, the elevator had reached its destination. Jack's face was slightly flushed from how close the pink-haired woman had gotten, and the brunette (who Jack had learned was named IF, or 'Iffy') was equally as red-faced. Compa, however, was smiling to herself, standing between the two and turning her relatively short frame gently from side to side. IF was scratching the back of her head awkwardly, and Jack suddenly found his shotgun very amazing, deciding to examine it with a sudden interest. As the doors to Lady Neptune's home opened, the trio were met by the sight of what appeared to be a tiny blonde woman, almost fairy-like, sitting on an open book and hovering at about Jack's head height. She was, for lack of a better description, cute as fuck, barely a meter tall if he had to guess, and looking at the three of them suspiciously. "Hello, Miss IF, Miss Compa," she said calmly, before looking at Jack. "...Mr. Lovebun, was it?" Jack coughed, his eyes darting away from Compa and IF.
"No, no, it...it's London. Not Lovebun." The tiny person stared at them for a few extra moments.
"...were you engaging in lewd activities on the way up here?"
One awkward conversation later...
"...and for that reason, I ended up red-faced, Compa was smilin', and IF was red-faced." Jack finished the tale, scratching his chin. The small fairy, Histoire, nodded, as Compa put a thermometer into her ear with surgical precision.
"I see. That seems like an uncomfortable predicament," she replied, wincing slightly at the intruding object in her ear. Her voice wasn't angry, or that readable, to be honest. She was calm, and fairly friendly in tone, similar to Compa, Tekken, and Oracle Mina. That didn't stop Jack from raising a brow.
"Uncomfortable?" he asked. He was about to mention how most guys from Earth would be going crazy over having a female nurse (with a noticeably large front load) poking at their chest, when he was interrupted.
"It was," IF cut in, "And as much as I don't mind your presence, Mr. Loonygun, I don't want to have to look at your scars again. That was gross." Jack tilted his head.
"Noted..." he muttered, before looking back at Histoire. They'd all moved into what was basically a dining room, with Compa and Histoire sitting (or floating) at the table, whilst IF stood behind Compa and gave her doctoring things, and Jack leaned on a pillar opposite the table. "Speakin' of which, Miss Histoire?"
"Yes?"
"Are there any conditions for me bein' here?" he asked. "Because in Lastation, Lowee, and Leanbox, I ended up doin' side work for Lady Vert, Lady Noire, and Lady Blanc."
"Side work?" Histoire seemed to think for a second. "I'm not entirely certain what you mean."
"Like, in Lastation, I was lookin' after Lady Noire's sister, Uni, and in Lowee, I had to answer some questions for Lady Blanc." Jack explained whilst counting on his fingers, just to make sure he didn't somehow forget one of the four countries in Gamindustri. "And in Leanbox, I had to give a speech or summat." IF suddenly perked up, looking at him in shock.
"Wait, that was YOU?!" she gasped. Jack, cautiously, nodded.
"Ah...yep. That, uh, that was me."
"I was in that stadium!" squealed the small woman. "I was, like, second row from the front, on the right! Did you see me?" Jack quickly shook his head.
"Didn't really focus on details. Big crowd. Sorry." IF deflated slightly.
"Aw, well, anyway, I normally go to those sort of gigs. Get as close as I can to the stage, get a better view, y'know?" She smiled. "You do have a gift for speaking."
"Not really," Jack replied dismissively. "I think my friends established I'm terrible at public speakin' when I managed to get forty out of fifty people at a school event to leave." He paused, thinking for a moment with a thoughtful expression. "That was a fun evenin'."
"You gotta be kidding," IF laughed. "Most of the stadium wanted an encore performance! That's a public request normally reserved for 5pb.'s gigs! I don't know what you did, but you got a lot of people interested in hearing you speak again." Histoire suddenly coughed, causing Compa to reel back slightly from the little fairy in surprise.
"Excuse me, if I may?" she interjected. Jack nodded. "Do you mind if I ask what you two are discussing?"
"Oh, just a public speakin' thing I had to do in Leanbox. Apparently it went well. Lady Vert hugged me and started cryin' and sayin' I was a fantastic cunt, so I guess I did summat right." IF winced at the harsh language. Compa looked at him curiously.
"I see." Histoire said quietly. She gently sipped on her small cup of tea.
"Did she really call you that?" asked Compa. Jack shrugged.
"Wasn't really payin' much attention," he replied calmly. "And if you don't mind me askin', Miss Histoire, but why's it important? Did I do summat bad?" The tiny blonde quickly shook her head, smiling.
"Not at all!" she beamed. "If anything, you have given me an idea. I shall have to discuss this with Neptune when she returns from Lowee." Jack stood up from his position on the pillar, deciding to pace a bit.
"She still ain't back?" he asked. "Don't that mean Planeptune's Oracle is runnin' the joint?"
"Indeed."
"And might I ask who the Oracle is?"
"You're talking to her," IF grinned, Histoire nodding in calm appreciation.
"Yes," she said, "When Lady Neptune isn't around to run the country, I take her place." Jack was certain he saw her mutter something under her breath, before she continued. "As I was saying, Lady Neptune will not be returning for another few hours. That means I'll be able to explain to you your duties here in Planeptune's basilicom." Jack gave a nod.
"Certainly," replied the Brit, "Pretty sure it'd be best to let Compa finish dealin' with your ailments and whatnot." The nurse in question gave a beaming smile.
"I'm done here, anyway," she cut in, before turning to Histoire. "You've just got a cold from what I can see, so what I suggest is plenty of rest." The fairy nodded.
"Of course, Miss Compa. I greatly appreciate the advice." She extended a hand, which Compa responded to by extending her index finger in an exceptionally adorable handshake between the two. Jack resisted the urge to d'aww. Instead, he turned to IF.
"So, you just came up here with Compa?" he asked her. The brunette nodded.
"Yeah. I come here with Compa quite a lot," she replied, putting her hands on her hips. Probably. Jack couldn't see her hands due to her massive sleeves, but he was certain they were on her hips. "We know Nep-Nep and Nepgear fairly well." Jack tilted his head.
"Who the hell are 'Nep-Nep' and 'Nepgear'?" IF facepalmed briefly.
"Oh, right, you're not from around here...Nep-Nep is what we call Neptune. Nepgear is her younger sister, the CPU Candidate," she explained. Jack nodded in complete understanding of the situation.
"I didn't even know she had a sister," he murmured, before idly scratching his chin and glancing out the window. IF groaned, and walked over to Compa as the significantly taller man slowly paced outside onto the balcony, drawing his Skorpion and beginning to fiddle with it in an almost nonchalant manner. The city had a significantly different aesthetic style to Leanbox, Lowee, and Lastation: In the place of snow, green fields, or massive factories, Planeptune had a much shinier appearance with huge glass skyscrapers and, as he'd experienced firsthand, a pretty awesome transit system that was centuries ahead of anything from Earth. For a brief moment, Jack wondered how Earth was doing. Were they bothered by the fact that the criminals and ex-forces guys they'd sent away hadn't come back?
Oh well.
Considering how those Russian mobsters had acted by attempting a poorly planned bank robbery, it seemed blatantly obvious to Jack that if any more people from Earth were to show up, there'd only be a small chance that they would have nicely settled into society, with a higher chance that they'd be causing problems. And if those problems became big problems, then Jack and James would be the only people experienced in dealing with armed opposition. Unless, of course, Josh, Luke, or any of the other guys showed up. In which case, if all of his friends were to show up, he knew their senses of justice well enough that their presence as a group would mean the goddesses would have an effective, quick response force to any troublemakers from Earth. Plus, as another reason his friends would more than likely help, they had all received significant torment during the year's training; Stolen and destroyed personal effects, verbal and physical abuse, one attempted rape (Big Tyrone don't take no for an answer, as Luke once said), and the list went on and on. Thus, considering their treatment, he was certain his social group would be more than happy to make sure that if the thugs returned, they'd be leaving in handcuffs, or in a bag.
It was as he pondered the tactical advantages of the basilicom's balcony as a mortar point when he heard footsteps behind him. In spite of his training telling him that he was supposed to turn around with his weapon drawn and glinting dramatically in the sun, he realized that most of the 'instinct' training was pointless, since he was going to be in safe company for a while. Thus, he turned, and saw a young girl, roughly his age or possibly a bit younger, stepping onto the balcony. She had long hair of a similar colour to Lady Neptune with a single pin in it, pink and white striped leggings, lilac eyes, and a yellow scarf over a white coat with purple trim. She was eyeing Jack cautiously, her worried expression flicking from the gun in his hands, to his face, then to the door into the living area. After a moment of this, the girl stopped, and leaned slightly to the door.
"Um, Histy?" she called through. Her voice wasn't quite as grating as Lady Neptune's, but was just as friendly. Maybe Planeptune was just very friendly in general. She didn't exactly seem to be looking too optimistic about the partially-armoured and heavily armed goliath that was standing on the basilicom's private balcony, fiddling with a menacing-looking gun. The response from 'Histy' was quick.
"Yes, Nepgear?" came the reply.
"Uh, there's a...creepy...armed...person...on the balcony." There was a pause. "Is he meant to be there?"
"That's Mr. Lovebu-"
"LONDON." Jack interjected sharply, causing 'Nepgear' to recoil slightly.
"...Mr. As-He-Said," Histoire continued, still not leaving the living area or even showing her adorable little Aryan self. "He's the one Neptune attributes to helping in the creation of these peace talks, and as it stands, he is in service to each nation's goddess. For the time being, he will be staying here in Planeptune." Nepgear listened to this intently, not removing her worried gaze from Jack her hands from their clasped position in front of her, or her stance from being leaned slightly away from him to listen to Histy. "It would be polite to introduce yourself, Nepgear. He will be here for a few days." Jack decided now would be the best time to put his Skorpion away, letting it drop into the holster on his belt as Nepgear cautiously made her way over. Something didn't feel right. When she finally stood at a relatively safe distance of two and a half meters away, she cleared her throat, still looking worried.
"...hi."
Jack had his hands in his pockets, and he nodded with a relatively bored expression.
"Afternoon."
Nepgear swallowed slightly.
"U-Umm."
"You're Nepgear, right?"
"Uh, yes. That...that's me. Nepgear. CPU Candidate for Planeptune."
"Right. Sounds like a fancy job."
"Not really. I just...sort of...help with things."
"Like...politics, or summat?"
"...what's a 'summat'?"
"Summat. Somethin'. If I say 'somethin'' too quickly with my accent, it turns into 'summat'."
"Oh. OK."
"So all I was askin' was if you help with politics."
"Nope. I don't understand politics."
"Well, great. Neither do I. Lot of politics back where I'm from."
"Where are you from? Your accent's really strange."
"Trust me, you're probably not gonna believe me if I tell you I'm not from this world. Or dimension. Or whatever this place is to my world."
"..."
"..."
"...uhh, Histy? Are you sure this man's not crazy?"
"Told you you wouldn't believe me."
"You're not from another world!"
"Well, where am I from then? Gamindustri doesn't bloody look like anywhere on Earth, I'll tell you that now."
"You might just be from some island where people are rude and have weird accents."
"Yep, that's England. I'm from the North of England, then I moved to the South, near London."
"Where's London?"
"Good! Someone can finally pronounce my name! Anyway, it's the capital city of England."
"Your name is Loafpun? Why would your parents give you that name?"
"...n-no, it's London, you just said it."
"Loafpun."
"No, you just said the name of the city."
"London?"
"YES, THAT ONE. I have the same last name as that place, so my name is...?"
"Mr. Glovebox."
Jack facepalmed.
"For fuck's sake."
Just then, before Jack could attempt to fight against the running joke any more, Histoire came floating out onto the balcony with IF and Compa in tow. The tiny Aryan was smiling at Nepgear and Jack, blissfully unaware of the confusion between both of them. "You two seem to be getting along well." She looked at Jack, not having to look up because she hovered at his head height. "Have we discussed your sleeping and accommodation arrangements yet?" Jack raised a brow.
"Nope. Thought that was already set out, or summat." IF quietly asked Compa what a 'summat' was, receiving only a shrug as an answer. Histoire shook her head.
"We do not have the space, unfortunately. We had first considered giving you a spare bedroom, but now that I can see how large you are..." she trailed off. Jack could see her tiny eyes looking worriedly up and down at him. "I doubt you would fit the bed properly and not suffer discomfort or cramps."
"Why don't I just sleep on the balcony or summat?"
"I refuse to make or let you sleep outside."
"Seriously? I trained a whole year in the arts of sleepin' outside. I went a month without going inside. I ate coyotes and deer for a month and killed an angry bear with a campin' fork, and you say I can't sleep outside?"
"I would not be able to sleep properly in the knowledge you are outside, uncomfortable, on a stone brick floor."
"Have you tried the mattress I slept on at my house? That literally was concrete. Just let me sleep out here."
"No."
"There's no arguin' this, is there?" IF, Compa, Nepgear, and Histoire shook their heads.
"Nope," IF replied. "If Histoire says something, she won't rest until it happens."
"Then where else am I gonna stay?" Jack asked exasperatedly, gesturing around. "Sure, this is a city, but I doubt they do hotels that accommodate massive blokes like me." Compa considered this silently.
"The least you could do is look around," IF smiled. "For all you know, there might be one with extra large beds." Histoire raised a tiny hand.
"Perhaps you could sleep on a double bed, but at an angle? That might afford extra space, if you apply basic shape knowledge."
"That's if there's a bed that can take my weight as a person. Might not look it, but I'm pretty bloody heavy."
"Mayne you weigh less without your weapons and clothing?" Nepgear suggested.
"I'm never gonna take my clothes off!" Jack snapped, folding his arms defensively. "I shower with clothes on, I sleep with clothes on, I swim with clothes on, I bathe with clothes on. You can't get me to take 'em off." Histoire looked flatly at him.
"...dare I ask why?"
"I...don't...like the idea that I'm in a society comprised almost entirely of women and still have to remove my clothes."
"Is that really it?" IF asked exasperatedly. "Some teenage cowardice around girls? You won't even be seen by women!"
"How do I know someone won't walk in? And anyway, I really do not like takin' my clothes off. Trust me, I have bad memories. Don't wanna bring 'em up. Anyway, I'm not takin' my clothes off. That means bedframes need strength, which I doubt many of them have." There was silence as Jack pushed away bad memories of high school changing rooms, and IF and Histoire considered how bad his previous life must have been if he was terrified of removing clothes to be seen by the opposite sex.
"You could stay in my flat."
All eyes, surprised, turned to Compa, who was standing with a gentle smile on her face.
"My apartment's...kinda small. But I have a spare room with nothing in it. You could set up a bed in there with some cushions...or something." IF stared at her, almost as amazed as Jack was.
"C-Compa, are you sure? You hardly know this guy!"
"I hardly know any of my patients," retorted the nurse, "And I still have to make their beds, clean up their mess, bring them food, push them around the hospital, put them into fresh clothes, and look after them. Those people can't really look after themselves in the states they're normally in, so someone who can look after themselves would be nice company." The pink-haired woman smiled up at Jack. "This also means I'd have extra hands around my apartment to do things. Like moving my couch!" Jack raised a brow, smiling.
"Move your couch? Do you move it often?"
"Most nights, I move it so I can set up training equipment in my living area. By the time I've moved it, I'm so tired that I normally end up falling asleep practising CPR. You could help with that kinda thing, and I could let you sleep in the spare room." She reached behind her and pulled out a piece of paper with a pen. The paper was covered in text.
"What's this?" Jack asked, as the nurse handed him the sheet. His hands dwarfed the pen and paper into something comparable to a slightly large post-it note, so he struggled to read the text. Compa stepped back, with her hands behind her back and an innocent smile.
"A contract," she replied smartly, closing her eyes and offering a beaming smile. "It's just so you know that if you break anything then it's your fault, not mine." Jack couldn't see that in the text. Christ, he couldn't read the text.
"Ah, right," he nodded, still squinting, before shrugging, and placing the paper onto his left forearm, signing on the dotted line using the pen. He paused, casting a glance over to Compa. "And you're sure you're fine with me stayin' in your house for the next few days?" Compa flashed a grin.
"Whenever you need a place to stay in Planeptune, you can come and stay with me!" she beamed, closing her eyes, putting her hands behind her back and gently turning from side to side. Jack chuckled lightly, shaking his head and finishing his signature.
"If you're certain it's fine," he murmured, before finally clicking the pen and handing both articles back to Compa. She looked the contract over briefly, narrowing her peach-like irises, then nodding in approval, smiling as she put it in her bag.
"Absolutely!" she replied cheerfully. IF, however, looked worried. She leaned over to Compa.
"How much of the small text is he not gonna like?" Compa's smile didn't drop, and neither did her pleasant expression.
"The small text is all squiggly lines, but from what I saw, he couldn't read the normal sized text," whispered the nurse. "I can make stuff up and say it's on his contract." IF stared at her in shock, then smiled wickedly.
"This is why I've been your friend for this long, you minx." Compa laughed, prompting IF to join.
Jack didn't know what they were laughing about. He looked to Nepgear, gesturing to the laughing duo. "You, ah, know what they're...?" The lilac-haired girl shook her head, a blank expression on her face.
"Nope."