Jack had always felt a lot more welcome at Planeptune's basilicom than he did at any of the others, with Leanbox's in second, Lastation's in third (he hadn't really interacted with anyone there during his visit), and Lowee's in last for hospitality (bastards took his guns away and told him he was rude). Though, he had to admit that whilst the staff were rather introverted in their duties, Lastation had one thing to brighten up his day a significant amount.
That thing was Uni: The adorable little bundle of fun that just happened to have a sister that was a MASSIVE bitch. He had been looking forward to getting back to Lastation, since it was one of the few places where he had someone that eagerly awaited his return in a non-creepy way (Chika didn't count; he was fairly certain she only looked forward to him coming back so she had someone to stare at in a creepy, assessing way).
As Jack stepped into the basilicom front door, he was surprised to see a young man standing at the reception area with a clipboard, assessing the room. He had relatively short grey hair, a pair of cold blue eyes, and what looked to be a black business suit with a pair of boots that seemed remarkably similar to Jack's Magnums. However, Jack noticed the presence of what looked to be a skirt. Perhaps it was a kilt, meaning Jack would not be the only Scotsman and could loudly be Mel Gibson without reprimand. The man looked as though he was performing an important inspection of some kind, so Jack wasn't certain he could interfere. However, there was also the problem that he couldn't get into the basilicom without climbing (making him look like some giant with a shotgun) or getting someone to send down the elevator (nobody was behind the desk). So, reluctantly, Jack approached one of the few Gamindustrian males he had met since coming to the new world. "Afternoon, mate," he piped up. The man offered little response, continuing to look at the clipboard, before tapping his pen onto the paper.
"Can I help you?" came his voice. Slightly strange tone of voice, but whatever.
"Yeah, I'm Mr. Jack London? I'm the bloke that's meant to be visitin' Lady Noire because of some 'changeover' bullshit," Jack explained. "Thought you might be able to call down the lift, if that's alright with you, mate." The man stared up flatly at him with an unamused expression.
"First," the man replied, "I'd ask that you stop calling me 'mate'; In spite of my masculine appearance, I am a woman."
"Oh. Shit. Sorry."
"Second, I already know who you are. Lady Noire expects me, as Oracle, to keep on top of people in the basilicom and visitors to Lastation."
"You're the Oracle?" Jack asked, surprised. "Then pardon my, quite frankly, fuckin' terrible manners. Don't believe we've met."
"We haven't." The woman (whoops) extended a hand. "My name is Kei Jinguji. I oversee business and international affairs for Lastation's basilicom." She paused, eyeing him up as he shook her hand, surprisingly showing no reaction to it. "And you must be the pyromaniac with a gun that the media of Lastation has been actively discussing for the past few weeks. You're a big guy." Jack groaned.
"Yes, that's me, Gamindustri's reckoning, whatever. Admit it, the whole 'flame shootin'' thing is fuckin' awesome."
"I suppose one could say that. Or, if one were myself, you could also say that it was a considerable amount of paperwork to send in the clean-up team." Jack whistled, scratching the back of his head as Kei folded her arms, unamused.
"Well, that aside, I'm still meant to be visitin' Lady Noire. You know how I get up there?" Without hesitation, the short woman gestured to a nearby staircase.
"Use those. They're a valuable asset engineered by Lastation's top scientists to allow people to ascend and descend between floors. It's still in beta testing, so be careful on them. We call them 'stairs'." As Jack huffed and turned to walk towards them, he shot Kei a glare.
"I already fuckin' despise you," he stated matter-of-factly, jabbing a finger at her. She offered a smirk of victory and watched him going upstairs.
"As with many of my business transactions, the feelings are mutual," she replied calmly, waving him off. As she watched Jack going up the stairs and eventually disappearing out of view, Kei shrugged. "Well, at least we know that on a mental level, he's little more than a giant with a shotgun."
"I 'eard that, you scrawny little shit!" Jack's voice called down. Kei froze for a second, before shaking her head and continuing to list the costing of refurbishing the basilicom entrance.
Upstairs...
God, maybe it was just him, but Jack despised politicians and people like that. Life's not some fucking corporate venture: That Kei guy...girl...whatever the fuck 'it' was needed to let down what little hair 'it' had and remove the copious amounts of cylindrical objects that 'it' had shoved up 'its' arse. He shook his head, stepping around the corner into the corridor that led towards Lady Noire's study. "Might even say that 'Kei' prick is even more of a miserable cunt than Noire..." Just then, a welcomingly familiar voice came from the elevator to Noire's study as it arrived.
"I swear I heard a voice..." Uni murmured, peering from the elevator with slightly narrowed eyes. It took a moment as she gazed about the corridor until she finally locked eyes with Jack, and a significantly large smile came to her face as well as his. "Mr. Lovebun!" she squealed cheerfully, before quickly exiting the doorway and running over to him, laughing all the while. Immediately upon coming into range, she lunged at him and grabbed him in a crushing hug, which Jack carefully returned.
"Hey, Uni!" he laughed, patting her on the back a few times. "How've you been?"
"Bored," she replied, pulling out of the hug and folding her arms. "You really didn't need to leave me here on my own, did you?" Jack rubbed the back of his head. Now both of his hands were free due to his larger weapons being stored in his disk, he could do whatever the hell he wanted with his hands.
"Yeah, sorry about that," he winced. "But it was part of the deal I made with your sister, Green Heart, Purple Heart, and White Heart."
"Where were you last time?" Uni asked, before turning so that they could walk towards the elevator leading to Noire's study.
"Planeptune's basilicom," Jack replied, "Whilst I was there, I had to train in combat with Lady Purple Heart. Didn't hurt nearly as much as I was expectin', for some reason..."
"Well, you are level one hundred and seventy! It's not gonna hurt you much!"
"Eh. Where I'm from, my neck'd be split with the first attack and I'd be bleedin' considerably. Probably also cryin' as well. Because, y'know, I'd be fuckin' dyin', but whatever." Just then, they elevator reached the large room where Jack had started his adventure. They rounded the first set of library shelving. Sat behind a small mountain of paperwork on the desk was Noire, who was carefully signing a few documents with a small pair of red glasses balanced on her nose, accompanied by her adorable look of concentration. Uni immediately spoke up.
"Noire!" she said cheerfully.
"For crying out loud, I'm busy!" groaned the goddess. "What do you want, Uni?" The CPU candidate seemed momentarily disheartened by the harsh assault.
"Uh...Mr. Lovebun's here?" she finally replied. Noire briefly looked up at the two, then down again. There was silence. Slowly, Noire placed her pen down, removed her glasses, and rubbed her forehead as she leaned forwards onto the desk.
"And now I get to look after Dolph Lundgren's mentally deranged counterpart..." she muttered, echoing around the room.
"Heard that reference," Jack piped up, raising a hand. "That guy's a good actor. Takin' it as a compliment; Love you too, Lady Noire." Uni raised a brow.
"...who's Dolph Lun-?"
"Irrelevant, Uni," Noire snapped, before looking dead towards Jack. "Great. I have paperwork to do, I've not slept in over a day, and now you show up. Let me guess: You're going to go out to look after Uni, then by the time you get back you'll have destroyed half of Lastation's farming towns. And when you get back, I'll rightly reprimand you for being an idiot, and you'll make some stupid, borderline offensive comment and it'll all be fine." There was silence.
"...basically." Jack shrugged. "Keep it up with that attitude, and I can create enough paperwork for you that you could use to wipe up all the shit comin' outta your mouth." Uni concealed a grin, and Noire grit her teeth.
Just. What I. Needed.
Five days later...
"Are you sure you have to go?" Uni asked sadly, looking up at the much taller man as he walked to the fairly large boat that was to be transporting him to Leanbox. There was nobody else on it; Automatic computer systems were set, by Noire's direct order, to go straight to Leanbox without any deviation from the course. Jack sighed as he stood next to the vehicle. To him, it was about the size of an average car ferry. More than capable of making the fifty mile journey to Leanbox at its steady speed of ten miles an hour. It was capable of going faster, however Noire insisted on making it go painfully slowly for some reason Jack couldn't discern. And so, his journey would take five whole hours.
"I know, Uni. I don't really want to leave you either," he sighed, scratching his head and crouching down to her head height. "But if I stayed any longer, I think your sister would probably kill me. Worse, she'd probably say I wouldn't be allowed to look after you any more. But...think of it this way. I'm fine just going from country to country until this 'peace talk' thing is finished."
"But what happens when the talks are done?" Uni sniffed, holding her hands in front of her and looking down slightly. Jack was certain he could see her eyes starting to water, so he decided to act quickly.
"I...dunno," he muttered, shaking his head. "But...I'm not goin' home after this is all over. Not a chance. Don't even think I can, to honest. And besides, it's not like this is the last time we're seein' each other, is it? Hey, look at me, Uni." Carefully, he reached a hand out and raised Uni's head up to look at him. Her eyes were definitely watering. "It's only a couple of weeks. Yeah?"
The CPU candidate looked at him sadly, before a smile slowly formed. Finally, she spoke. "...yeah, I guess so," she sniffed, before stepping forward and spreading her arms apart to give a hug to one of the first people Uni could really call a friend. "Have fun, big guy."
Jack grinned, and patted Uni on the back a few times. The hug was rather awkward, especially considering that Jack towered over the small girl. But regardless of their contrasting sizes, the two didn't mind being uncomfortable for the purpose of showing affection. "There, that's the Uni I know," he said quietly. Over Uni's shoulder, he checked his watch. Ten to six. For a brief moment, he considered ignoring the deadline of eleven o'clock set in place by Oracle Chika, and just sitting and holding onto Uni. He bloody loved the kid.
But, he knew what Chika was like when he was late: She would sit in a position mimicking a Bond girl, sip some champagne, then make subtle innuendos that Jack wouldn't pick up on. Not that he particularly minded, but it normally led to awkward conversations, and he was already pretty bad at talking to people. Thus, regrettably, he unwrapped his arms from around Uni. Thankfully, she saw it as ideal timing to finish the hug as well, so she unwrapped hers, still smiling. "Have fun," she sniffed. Jack nodded, smiling, and stood to his full height, turning and beginning to step onto the boat. Once on the large deck, presumably one designed to accommodate all of Noire's staff cars, Jack stepped into the small, elevated wooden cabin at the far side of the boat, and reached for the button to set the boat on its pre-determined course.
"Hey!" came a sudden cry from behind him. That wasn't Uni's voice...
Jack turned, withdrawing his Desert Eagle from his disk and gripping it tightly. Good thing he did; Had he not, he would most likely have dropped it in surprise. Walking casually up the concrete pier, armed to the teeth, were none other than Luke and Josh. The two were markedly different than he was in terms of apparel; Jack was fairly certain that Josh had realised that he could wear what he wanted, and Luke looked like he'd just gotten out of Camp Bastion. "Fuck's sakes," Luke said as he approached, walking straight past Uni. "Been following you for fucking weeks! First time we've been able to catch up with you, and you've already pulled a gun on us." Jack shook his head free of amazement, and sent the gun back to the realms of his disc as his two friends calmly stepped onto the boat.
"Well, y'know, the only people I've met from our world, besides James, have tried to fuckin' kill me," he replied, putting his hands in his pockets. "Anyway, where the fuck were you two lovebirds?" Josh was about to make a bitchy comment when Uni spoke up.
"...lovebirds...?" she asked. Luke and Josh looked towards the small girl, who had moved up beside Jack. She looked up at them; Specifically, Luke, who was even taller than Jack was. Her jaw fell open. "W-Wow..." she gasped, before turning to Jack. "You're from a world of giants, huh?" Jack laughed.
"Yeah, I did mention I was average height, didn't I?" he chuckled, before looking back at Luke. The black-haired lad stood at six foot four, meaning he stood out for quite a distance, and slung over his back was an L85 assault rifle with lasers mounted onto its foregrip rails. Strapped to his desert-camo trousers was a long brown holster with the wooden grip of a sawed-off double-barrelled shotgun peeping from the top. His upper apparel wasn't too complex; a simple beige jacket with a few pouches and bandoliers over it covered a set of heavier body armour than Jack had selected. Furthermore, he only had knee pads. Jack wondered where his protection was from falls and blunt weapon attacks. However, the thing that caught his eye, as usual, was the sawed-off. He smirked, and gestured to it. "Look at you, fuckin' redneck and shit. What are you, the Road Warrior? They let you bring that thing here?"
Josh snorted slightly, folding his arms. He wasn't even wearing anything tactical-ish; He'd certainly become slightly more well-built than Jack remembered him being, with his clothing not doing much to conceal what Jack assumed was Josh's new guns. Nevertheless, the posh boy had a remark, as per his usual. "And they let you come here with just a pistol?" he laughed, gesturing to the holster on Jack's leg. The angle he was at meant he couldn't see that the Deagle had, in reality, disappeared to another realm, so that meant Jack just had to roll with it. "Who do you think you are? Magnum P.I?" Jack considered this. Uni had no idea what was going on, and simply opted to rock back and forth on her heels slightly, a bit upset that she wasn't involved in the conversation.
"Debatable, but sounds fun," Jack replied. "Anyway, where've you two been? James and I didn't hear a peep about you. Not even from the CPUs." Luke raised a brow.
"CPUs...?" he repeated, mulling it over. Suddenly, he perked up. "Oh, I heard about them. They're, like, Gods, or something, and they each run a country." Jack nodded, and gestured to Uni.
"Aye, and this is the younger sister of the god of this country," he said smartly, before patting Uni on the head. She seemed rather proud to be there. "Uni, say hi: This is Luke, and Josh. I know them from back home." The smaller girl offered a small bow and smile.
"Hi there. My name's Uni." Luke and Josh smiled at how great Uni was. They had literally never spoken with her before, and already liked her. She paused. "Wait a minute..." she said suddenly, eyeing the two up suspiciously. "...I think I heard about you two." Jack raised a brow.
"Really?" he asked. "Why not tell me?" Uni shrugged.
"Well, I couldn't really be sure, because at the time I heard it, it was a rumour." She turned to look them up and down. "There's a story going around that a couple of 'huge people' in a giant tank have been seen driving around nearby towns and fighting monsters. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?" Luke shrugged, and looked at Josh, who tilted his head side to side in consideration.
"Probably us, then," he said flatly, before looking to Jack. "Why're they not amazed by your tank?" Jack looked at him.
"Wait, I could've had a fuckin' TANK to come here in?" he gasped. Luke shook his head before Jack died of hyperventilation.
"Well, not to come through in," he explained, before reaching into his pocket and withdrawing the small radio that Jack had at first dismissed. The Englishman did the same, fishing through his satchel and finding the small black box near the bottom of the bag. It was dusty, and looked like a regular walkie-talkie. "What I got told to do when me and Josh came through the portal was to radio in to say we'd got there, then request a way of getting around."
"And you picked a tank?" Jack groaned, facepalming. Luke and Josh smiled, then nodded. "Nobody fuckin' told me I could do that shit...bollocks. Would've asked for a Dodge Charger. Or the Interceptor, from Mad Max. See if those twats on the other end could pull through." Luke placed his hands on his hips, letting the rifle swing freely from its sling and drop to his side.
"Really? I got told that they'd told everyone else the same thing I was told about vehicles. They said I could have whatever I wanted, when I needed it."
"Well, I got told to use my radio to request equipment. Apparently, they'd send what I asked for straight in front of me." Jack whistled, tilting his head.
"You sure?" Josh asked. "I was under the impression that I'd use the radio to request a drop, and they'd give me a box full of stuff to use." The three of them looked at each other for a moment.
"Have we been fuckin' played?" Jack growled. Luke and Josh groaned as well. Just then, Jack checked his watch. Four minutes to. Fuck. "Anyway, listen lads, we'll need to sort this out later. Right now, I'm on my way to Leanbox, and I need to get there on time or Oracle Chika's gonna make a bunch of innuendoes that I won't get until later. I think this ferry could probably support however you've been getting around. Go get it, and bring it here." Luke and Josh quickly nodded, before turning heel and running back down the concrete pier at what looked like twenty miles an hour. Sighing, Jack rubbed his eyes. "The fuck is goin' on...?" he muttered.
"Hey." Uni piped up, causing Jack to look at her. She was stood with her arms folded, looking rather disappointedly at him.
"What's up?" he asked.
"Why're you just inviting them along and not me?" she pouted. "I've been around you for longer whilst you've been here, why can't I come to Leanbox?" Jack shrugged.
"I've got no problem with it, but your sister might do." Uni dismissed him with a wave of her hand.
"Eh, I'll just text her, she'll get over it," giggled the younger girl. "Besides, I've got you looking after me, right?" Jack smiled, and Uni stepped onto the boat.
Just then, they noticed the ground beginning to rumble nearby, and the loud sound of an engine became apparent. Jack cast a glance down the pier, and so did Uni.
Smashing through thick foliage came the sudden, imposing form of a Challenger 2 mainline battle tank, with Josh holding onto the mounted Browning machine gun on the top as it tore its way down the wooden pier. It barely fit itself on the concrete platform, loosening chunks of stone and dropping them into the sea as the massive metal beast rumbled towards Jack and Uni. Jack had his arms folded and eyes wide in surprise.
A Challenger? Nice choice. Better than those dirty fucking Abrams tanks, that's for bloody certain.
Uni, meanwhile, had different thoughts.
"It...it's gigantic..." she gasped in absolute awe, staring up at the armoured vehicle as it rolled onto the ferry (which, for a second, seemed as though it was going to sink under the weight), slowing down, and coming to a gentle stop at the very edge of it. The front slope of the armour gently booped Uni's nose as it halted, nearly knocking her into the water had Jack not have quickly reached out to grab her. Smiling, he lifted her up onto the metal plates near the driver's...cabin...hole...thing, and she sat there, jaw agape in absolute amazement as she looked over the vehicle. Josh looked down from the gunner's seat, and smiled.
"Lovely, isn't it?" he called down as the engine stopped, snapping Uni from her reverie. "It's a Challenger 2, main tank for the British army! Weighs a lot! Only thing that can hurt this is another Challenger 2, and I doubt we'll be running into one of those any time soon! Make yourself comfortable, kiddo, because I think we just slowed this boat down by half!" Jack groaned loudly as he went over to the control panel in the ferry's cabin, and hit the button to start it off. Slowly, but surely, the boat's engine coughed into life, and after a few seconds, began to churn up water behind it as it set off at a steady 5 miles an hour.
Stepping down from the cockpit as the sun began to set over Leanbox on the horizon ahead, Jack clambered up and sat on top of the tank's gun, setting down beside Uni and with Josh sitting on the rim of the hole down to his gunner's seat. Luke had gotten out of the driver's compartment (yeah, that word works) and sat crosslegged on the sloped front of the tank. There was silence, outside of the boat and water. After a few minutes, Jack sighed, and stretched his back. "So...what's her name?" he enquired suddenly, causing the other three to look at him.
"What's whose name?" Josh asked.
"The tank," Jack replied, looking to Josh. "What's her name?" The blonde in front of him raised a brow, and began thinking.
"Umm..."
"Well, we're gonna be usin' this tank a lot, right?" Jack explained. "I mean, it's a fuckin' tank. So, we can't just leave it nameless, can we?" Luke shrugged slightly.
"Suppose so," he muttered, rubbing the back of his head. "What about Fury?"
"Like the film?" Jack laughed. "That was an American film. A good one, but American. Can't use it."
"I thought it was to do with the author not wanting to get in trouble for copyright reasons," Uni whistled. Jack sighed.
"...look, if someone would just explain this whole 'author' and 'story' thing to me, I'd be really fuckin' appreciative." Just then, Josh smiled.
"I got one," he said calmly. "How about...Britain?" Jack grinned.
"I was thinkin' the Quattro, but I think that's better."
"Why the 'Quattro'?" Luke laughed. "This is one up from an Audi, mate."
"But then if either of you two somehow manage to pick up girls, you can look at them all dramatic and say 'Get in the Quattro!', like in Ashes to Ashes."
Josh just sighed at Jack's needlessly large knowledge base of classic British TV.
"So..." Luke coughed, rubbing the side of his face with his fingers to clear away some oil, "Why're we coming with you?"
"Well," Jack began, "Accordin' to Lady Noire, you need a citizenship to travel on public transport between countries. And Lady Vert said that even though she didn't get me before Lady Noire did, she would have loved to have someone from Earth as a Leanbox citizen. I told her that I couldn't just trade in my citizenship, and then she gave me puppy eyes whilst cryin', then made me promise that the next bloke from Earth I encountered, I'd bring to Leanbox to get citizenship. So, uh, one of you lads gets the honour." Luke turned to look up at Jack from his seat on the hull of the tank, raising a brow with a look of confusion.
"Yeah, nah," he said flatly, "If you want, I'll have your citizenship so you can have the Leaguebox one." Jack shifted at the mispronunciation of a basic two syllable word. It seemed familiar.
He scratched his head. "Well, I don't think that'd be possible, unle-"
"Unless you had the citizenship papers which Noire wanted me to give you to take to Leanbox for editing because she couldn't stand the thought of you being a Lastation citizen?" Uni piped up, causing all eyes to look at her. Clutched in her hands in front her chest was a small stack of papers. Jack recognised them as the ones he'd drawn Lenny faces on as a signature, and raised his brows.
"That's...way too convenient..." he murmured, accepting the documents from Uni. He read them over. "Right...so, if you can figure out how to change these documents, then I'm pretty sure you'd be legally accounted for as a Lastation citizen. Have fun in the land ruled by a pair of bitches, and Uni." Uni was almost tempted to smile...but...she did sort of like Kei. She was businessy. And...uh...knew what was going on. Luke, meanwhile, had begun to clamber back into the cabin of the tank, prompting Jack to lean forward and look at him. "Where're you goin'?" Luke just grinned.
"Got something here I think you'll like. Give's a few minutes to get it ready." Jack just reclined back to lie on the tank's turret.
"Not like this boat goes any faster, so take your time."
A few minutes later...
"It's ready, Jack."
Jack sat up as the strong, familiar smell of greatness reached his nose. It wasn't Jasmine. It wasn't green.
It was some fucking Gold tea, in a mid-sized plastic cup balanced on a saucer. He grinned. "You fuckin' legend," Jack laughed, accepting the saucer carefully and sitting up. His eyes fell on the silhouette of Leanbox in the distance, and he sipped his tea, the sun's rays beaming onto his face whilst the gentle sea breeze blew against him. It was bliss: He leaned his head back, looked up, and let out an 'Ahhhh' of appreciation. "Fuckin' ACE..." he called out to the sky.
For a few minutes, the four of them sat in absolute silence, gently drinking the cups of pure England and looking at the sunset. Nobody had anything to say. It was perfect.
Finally, Jack cleared his throat. "Say," he began, "None of you three would happen to know how to override this boat's speed limiters, right?" Luke disappeared back into the hatch for a second or two, before returning with a paperclip, bayonet, and a rubber band.
"On it," grinned the Irishman, hopping out of the front of the vehicle, and making his way around the tank to reach the cabin.
"He's way too eager," Josh muttered, shaking his head.
"What's the problem with bein' eager?" Jack asked. "Look at Uni; She's eager, and she's also fuckin' adorable and probably one of the closest people I've had to a best friend before any of you lot showed up again." The small black-haired girl looked up tearfully to Jack as Josh shook his head.
"A-and...you're..." Uni sniffed slightly, wiping away some tears, before smiling and suddenly wrapping her arms around Jack. "You're my first friend." For a few moments, there was no sound outside of the gentle chugging of the boat motor, seagulls, crashing waves, and Luke going through the AI aboard the boat's navigational computer. Slowly, Jack put his arms around Uni, and held onto her. The much smaller girl rested her head on his shoulder, and he could feel his shirt collar getting wet. Nevertheless, he closed his eyes, and smiled.
Josh smirked.
"Don't you fuckin' grin about this, cunt," Jack growled, not changing his facial expression. "Need I remind you that I saw somethin' white and crusty stainin' your seat in there, and a male model magazine next to your seat. Be a fuckin' shame if I told Lady Vert, or Lady Noire, or-"
"OK, OK, I get it," Josh snapped, before leaning stroppily onto his elbow and glaring out to sea.
Jack was fully aware that Uni was fragile. Apparently, she came into being through Shares being particularly high. She didn't have a mother, and her only family to speak of didn't particularly pay much attention to her. She rarely left the basilicom. He was fairly certain that this was her first trip outside of Lastation. Not only that, but she'd already said how nobody treated her seriously; They treated her either as a kid, or as royalty, and she didn't like it. She had made that clear.
He sighed.
That must have been why she was always so upset when he left.
He really was Uni's first ever friend.