Whilst Jack did take the liberty of calling ahead using the ferry radio to tell Chika that he'd be arriving a half hour early (after Luke somehow managed to ram the boat into overdrive and nearly cause Uni to fall into the ocean), it seemed that she didn't particularly need to know: She was already there, sat on a crate with her legs crossed and a glass of wine in her small hands, looking rather tiresomely out to sea. When Jack noticed this, he turned to Josh, Uni, and Luke. "Try and hide the Challenger, guys," he ordered. "I know what she's like. If she sees you three, she'll probably have a fit." Luke shrugged, idly inspecting his L85.
"Eh, whatever," he muttered, before gesturing to one of the loading bays with the barrel of his gun. "You go ahead and swim over to her. We'll dock around there." Jack gave a deadpan look.
"Why'm I fuckin' swimmin' there?" he groaned, looking at the water. In all fairness, the water was quite clean...
"Well, you said she'd have a fit," Josh shrugged. "I don't think you want to put up with your beloved...Chika, having a 'fit'." Jack glared at him as the boat drifted towards the dock, out of view of the oracle. Finally, he jabbed a finger towards him.
"I fuckin' hate you people," he said flatly. He paused, and pointed at Uni. "Except you. You're cool." She offered a smile, sitting on the tank's tread skirts and swinging her legs idly. "But you two, fuck you." With that, Jack turned, and jumped into the beautifully clear blue water with an almost non-existent splash. Uni looked at him in amazement as he swam away.
"...how did that make no splash?" she asked. Luke shrugged, and sipped his new cup of tea.
"We're the best at what we do."
"And that's what? Defying physics?" Uni asked.
"Whenever it's plot-convenient?"
"Yeah?"
"Then yeah, that's basically all we do."
Meanwhile, in front of Oracle Hakozaki...
"So, who were those guys?" Chika asked nonchalantly, sipping on her wine as Jack clambered out of the water at the dockside, completely bone dry for some inexplicable reason. He sighed, looking himself over. He looked to Chika, who was, as usual, sat with her legs crossed over, slightly reclined, with a glass of red wine in hand and her ample cleavage and noticeably perfect legs on clear display.
"First off," Jack retorted, "Why the fuck am I bone dry? I just swam in the fuckin' water!"
"Who's to say I'm dry right now?" smiled the Oracle. Jack dismissed her with a middle finger.
"Fuck off, not now," he snapped, "And second, how the fuck did you see them?"
"Well, I assume the fact you were standing on top of what I assume is an armored vehicle with them, silhouetted in front of the sun is one key feature in perceiving them," she replied calmly, raising a brow. "To summarise; You're as stable as a rope bridge and as subtle as a tank." Jack folded his arms, and glared into her eyes. Finally, Chika smiled, patting the box next to her. "Come here, you big softy." Jack smirked, and unfolded his arms, before approaching the place the woman was sitting before him, and seating himself down beside her.
"Y'know, it's really fuckin' difficult to stay pissed off at you, right?" he sighed. Chika simply gave a grin, and hooked her left arm around his right arm.
"Yeah, and that's the reason we get on so well, right?" she replied cheerfully. She paused, sipping her wine again. "So, who're they?"
"CPU candidate of Lastation, and two guys from back home," Jack said flatly. Chika perked up.
"Wait, two people from your world?!" she sputtered, wiping the liquid she'd just sprayed everywhere off her pristine black dress. Jack nodded.
"Aye. One of them wants a citizenship in Lastation, and the other's said he wants to go to Planeptune." Chika pouted, placing her glass down and folding her arms.
"Then that means Lastation has two..." she muttered, grumpily looking away.
"Nah, it means Lady Noire's sick of me and wants me to get citizenship somewhere else," Jack corrected. "So, here I am. My favourite country." He cast a glance behind him, to check where the other three were. He was fairly certain he caught a glance of them hiding behind a shipping container, one above the other like Scooby Doo. Frowning, he called over. "NICE HIDIN', UNI! TOOK ME A MINUTE TO SEE YOU! AND WHAT'RE YOU TWO OTHER DICKHEADS DOIN' OVER THERE?!" he yelled. "FUCKIN' COME ON, YOU WANKERS! UNI, WOULD YOU MIND COMIN' OVER HERE? IT'S ALL FINE." As the three of them began to approach, Jack turned to Chika. "I like Uni, Uni's good." Just then, he noticed that the Oracle was giving him a tearful look.
"Y-You..." she began. "Just said...L-Leanbox is your favourite country?" Cautiously, after a moment, Jack slowly nodded.
"...aye...?" Instantly, Chika threw herself at him, wrapping him into a hug and knocking him clean off the box he was sat on and onto the ground, loudly bawling and shouting 'Thank you' and 'It means so much to me that you said that'. For her size, Jack admitted she was very bloody strong. He could barely move, so he simply had to lie there with Chika wrapping her legs around his and hugging him incredibly tightly as Luke, Josh, and Uni showed up. "Smile all you fuckin' want, guys," Jack grunted, "But she's fuckin' strong." Luke simply stood, watching with his hands in his pockets and L85 swinging by his side.
"Massive tits, as well," he remarked.
Two hours later, at the basilicom...
Luke winced as he bit into a piece of the chicken he was eating, pausing to rub the side of his face and curse. Everyone else around the considerably long table, including Chika, Uni, Vert, as well as Josh and Jack, stared at him in amusement, most of them giving shit-eating smirks. Finally, noticing their gazes, Luke set down his cutlery angrily and glared at them all. "The fuck are you all looking at? Really?" he snapped. "Eat your own fucking meals, and leave me to my fucking pains." After a pause, Jack turned to Chika, who was sat next to him, and offered his hand.
"I said it once, I'll say it again and a-fuckin'-gain," he grinned, "But that was the single greatest slap I've ever fuckin' seen. Ever. Fuckin' nice one, Oracle." The green-haired woman cheerfully accepted the handshake.
"Well, I do try my best," she beamed, briefly flexing her muscles for a moment. Vert giggled quietly, continuing to eat the chicken she had on her (rather fancy) plate.
"Though I'm not particularly one for such acts," she began, "I feel as though it's appropriate to point out I heard it through my headset and from inside my chambers. Truly an impressive swing, Chika." The Oracle stretched her arms against the table and reclined in her chair, her expression suggesting she was enjoying the praise, especially Vert's.
"It's not fucking fun when you're receiving it," Luke grunted sharply, rubbing his jaw. It was sporting a vibrant red handprint, perfectly shaped to Chika's gentle hands.
"First off," Jack cut in, "That's what she said. Second off-"
"Don't talk about a woman's ta-tas in front of her," Josh finished smartly through a mouthful of salad. There was silence, with only the sound of cutlery against plates filling the ornate room. Jack turned to Chika.
"Well, you can't exactly say he's lyin' that you have an extremely nice body. I suppose you must exercise a lot or somethin', otherwise you couldn't look that good." Jack noted, cutting off a large piece of food and shoving it into his mouth. The table tensed slightly, awaiting the sickening crack of Chika's dreaded palm against her male friend's face. Instead, the red-eyed woman simply giggled.
"Oh, stop it, you," she smiled, playfully punching his shoulder. Jack smirked for a moment, then they both continued eating like nothing had happened. Luke threw his hands up.
"ARE YOU HAVING A FUCKING LAUGH?!" he practically yelled, prompting Uni to recoil away from him slightly. "HE JUST SPOKE ABOUT YOUR TITS, RIGHT TO YOUR FACE, AND YOU DON'T DO SHIT?!" Chika raised a brow.
"Because I don't find him as creepy as I find you," she retorted bluntly. "You're tall, dressed like a murderer, visibly armed, and from what Mr. Edwards and Mr. Lovebun tell me, you're a 'pikey'. Thus, I find your presence...well, more than worrying." Luke glared at Josh and Jack.
"Ohhh, fuck, nooo, I didn't tell her that..." Jack grinned, sipping from the bowl he had been given to hold his drink.
"Me? Say that about you? Never," Josh added, casually checking his nails with a victorious smirk on his face. There was a moment of silence. Finally, Luke spoke up.
"Alright then: Josh, let's discuss those male modelling magazines of yours that you've got next to your seat in the Challenger, with Lady Vert." Josh's eyes went wide, and Jack quickly got up from his seat, and walked around the table to cover Uni's ears. Her worried facial expression didn't particularly change, and she eyed the mute verbal tirade with concern. Vert raised a brow, and looked at Josh.
"You look at male models?" she asked, surprised. Josh, completely red, shook his head.
"NO, NO, I DON'T, THIS IS JUST LUKE BEING AN ARSE!" he said quickly.
"Then do I need to go fucking get them for you?" Luke cut in.
"IF YOU DO THAT, I SWEAR TO GOD-!" Josh yelled back.
"Then obviously there's something there, ain't there?" Luke grinned. Josh buried his head further into his hands. Jack continued smiling at the exchange, before Luke jabbed a finger at him. "Oh, don't think I've not got shit on you, Scotsman." Jack raised a brow.
"Thanks, you, uh, pointed out my family heritage," he said flatly. "Um...congrats. You can fuckin' listen to summat I've mentioned a considerable number of times."
"Just like when you legally changed your surname? From William Wallace to Jack London?"
"And like how you changed yours at the same time, like we were meant to? From-"
"SHUT. UP."
"Rrrrrrr-"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP."
"Riiiiiii-"
"SHUTTHEFUCKUPJESUSCHRISTYOUPIECEOFSHITI'LLFUCKINGKILLYOU"
"-Richard Head to Lucas Black?"
"That's it, I'm actually going to stab you now." As Luke attempted (unsuccessfully) to attack Jack (who still hadn't moved his hands from protecting Uni's sensitive little ears, d'aww), Vert and Chika shared confused glances for a moment.
"...why is 'Richard Head' a bad name?" Vert asked. Chika shrugged. "Hmm. I don't particularl-oh." She paused, mulling it over. Then, the goddess smiled. Then she began to chuckle, then laugh, then finally throw her head back, and broke down screeching with laughter, slamming her small fists on the table with tears in her eyes. Chika continued staring in confusion. She, too, looked down slightly to think about it. She didn't get it.
The Oracle instead opted to sit back in her chair, cross her arm over her chest, and put her free hand into rubbing her chin, trying to figure out why the name was as funny as Lady Vert made it out to be. Uni, meanwhile, was surprised by how steady Jack could keep her head with his hands whilst he was being attacked with a fork.
Josh didn't want to be alive anymore.
Breakfast, the next morning...
Jack entered the dining room about ten minutes later than everyone else, so conversation was already present and food was being served. He rather did like the food in Leanbox: It was practically the same as it was back home in England. However, he wasn't just there for the food; He was in a slightly better mood that morning due to the fact that his two good friends from Earth were actually getting along fairly well with his good friends from Gamindustri. However, it was considerably dampened by the fact that he had been kept up that night by the sound of low-flying jets. Nobody else seemed to look like they lost any sleep, though, so maybe it was just in his mind.
Setting himself down, he offered a short, truly British greeting to Lady Vert, and to Oracle Hakozaki. "Mornin', ladies," he grunted. Vert smiled.
"Good morning, Mr. Glovebox," she said warmly. "I trust that you slept well?" He shook his head.
"Not at all," he sighed, pouring some water from an ornate metal jug into a tiny glass. "Some twat was flyin' a plane over'ead all night. Not even leavin' the area or runnin' out of petrol, either: Just constantly back and forth over the fuckin' basilicom." Chika frowned.
"Hmm. Now that you bring that up," she began, lowering her knife and fork. "I do recall being woken by a distant sound. Sort of like something blowing up." Jack gave a nod.
"That's when the noise stopped. Hopefully the dickhead crashed his plane into a skyscraper and fuckin' died." Josh glared at him from over the table.
"Stop it, Jack, you'll just get the audience angry because you're being insensitive," he ordered. Jack raised his hands.
"See, there's that fuckin' 'audience' thing agai-"
Just before he could finish complaining about the fourth wall that everybody but him could break, there was a knock on the door. "Enter!" Vert called out, and a moment later, the door swung open to reveal someone who, to Josh and Luke, looked to be a red-haired maid with a flat expression, giant tits, and no trousers. Jack turned, assessing her for a moment as she entered the room and made her way over to Lady Vert at the head of the table. "Oh, good morning, Cave. As punctual as ever, I see," smiled the goddess. The woman, who Jack was still trying to recall the face of, smiled lightly in response and curtseyed slightly.
"It is part of my job, Lady Vert," Cave replied, turning to look at Jack, Luke, and Josh, who were all sat beside each other. "I can only assume these are the three 'VIPs' you want me to keep an eye on." Vert nodded.
"That would be correct, yes," she said calmly. "In spite of seeing Mr. Glovebox's combat prowess firsthand, I cannot be certain of the skill possessed by Mr. Edwards and Mr..." She paused, concealing a laugh and grin as Luke's eye started twitching. "...Head. Apologies, Richard." Cave offered no response to suggest she understood the joke, instead circling around the table between Uni and Chika, placing her hands on the table to stare the three men down.
"So I understand you three are planning to find more people like yourself?" she asked. Jack nodded.
"Aye, we are," he replied. "And apparently you're lookin' after us, against what's actually necessary."
Vert raised a hand. "I must politely inform you that in spite of your position of servitude to Leanbox, I still do not feel comfortable around a giant with a shotgun," she said with a calm facial expression. Cave acknowledged Jack's statement regardless, standing up.
"Then it is my duty to ensure you do not come to harm." Josh smiled.
"Cool, a bodyguard," he laughed, turning to Jack. "You're too good to us, you know?" Before Jack could call him a posh cunt and to go shove his opinions up his butler's arse, Cave had coughed, making her way around the table to stand behind Jack.
"In actuality, it was not specified that I should defend you two," she corrected. Josh's jaw fell open, and Luke folded his arms with a look of angered confusion. "The orders given to me by the Leanbox RRoD are as follows; 'You are to follow and defend both Mr. J. Loneman and Mr. J. Hillman at all costs, regardless of situation.' Nowhere in my orders does it specify that I am to defend you two." She paused, before looking at Luke angrily. "If you continue to look at my chest, I will hurt you." The tall lad quickly looked away, and began eyeing up Vert. Cave took the opportunity to lean on Jack's shoulder. "As mentioned, it is my job to follow you and ensure no harm comes to you whilst you look for your...'fellow worldsmen'." Jack smiled, and nodded.
"Well, that's fine by me," he replied casually. "Also, if you don't mind me mentionin' it, I think I know you from somewhere." Cave, without changing her facial expression, stood and nodded, hands behind her back.
"Yes: We were both in a public bath. I noticed the significant number of scars on your torso. You were not very fluent in discussion, seemingly due to your lack of garments. However, I was also not wearing any clothing, which did not impede my social skills on such a level as yours." There was silence, and a few jaws fell open around the room. Jack stared ahead for a moment.
"Well, fuck me sideways, you're bloody right," he murmured. He paused, before turning to look at her. "Good to see you again, Miss Cave." The maid-like woman smiled.
"Likewise, Mr. Lonesome," she nodded. Josh looked at the two in awe.
"Wait, you two got naked?" he asked in disbelief.
"Yes," Cave replied in her eerily calm manner. "If you do not mind me mentioning it, I believe his physique is significantly more impressive than either yours, or your tall friend's." Luke sat up.
"Hey, fuck you, bitch!" he snapped. Jack had somehow teleported around the table to cover Uni's ears. The CPU Candidate was confused as to why she couldn't listen to Luke swearing, but could listen to Jack's exceptionally foul mouth without any need for ear protection. "I'm not that physically built because I don't want to look like an absolute meathead, like Jack!" Jack shot him a glare.
"Oh, pardon me," he snapped back, "But I can pick up a fuckin' car engine, strap it to an axel, then use it as a fuckin' hammer! You can't do shit like that! In fact, I think even Miss Chika has bigger muscles than you do, you frail twat." To punctuate, the Oracle flexed her arm. Nothing happened. "See? Proof."
Vert turned to Chika (who had started looking at her arms with the slightest bit of contempt), and smiled. "I do enjoy having Mr. Lovebun in Leanbox. He's always such a ray of sunshine." Her facial expression wavered slightly when the sound of cutlery being thrown across the room rang out, accompanied by swearing, and Uni uncharacteristically laughing. Chika raised a brow.
"My lady, you are aware that Lady Noire of Lastation has had him bring his citizenship papers to Leanbox?" she asked. "She's apparently sick of the thought of him being a Lastation citizen and would rather he took up citizenship here." Vert's face was blank for a moment, until a rather alarming grin crept onto her face.
That afternoon...
In spite of it being after work hours, there was a rather low number of people in the nearby town square itself, with a few here and there enjoying the sun. Jack and Uni were no exceptions, sitting down in the same café where he and James had planned to get their food the night of the robbery. However, this time, there wasn't going to be any interruptions: Jack was going to get his sausage and chips, and he was also going to pay for whatever Uni wanted to eat. "You hungry?" asked the Brit, looking down at the small girl wandering along beside him. She looked up, and smiled.
"Kinda," she replied, "Are we buying food? I thought the basilicom would serve food." Jack nodded as they reached the entrance to the café. He rang the service bell.
"They do," he explained, "But accordin' to Lady Vert, she doesn't have the heart to tell 'em it's pretty bad. So, normally, she sends Chika out to buy lunch, then bring it back to the basilicom, because she's worried that if she sent a member of basilicom staff, they'd rat her out to the kitchens." Uni stared blankly at him. "The food's shit, basically." She raised her head in an 'oh' of understanding as the waitress arrived.
"Table for two?" she smiled. Jack nodded.
"Aye, that'll do."
"I assume an outside table?"
"Yes indeed."
"Very well: Follow me." As usual, Jack was much taller than the woman serving, and Uni was even shorter than her. It amused him, as usual, in spite of the fact he probably should've gotten used to everybody being tiny. Once he and Uni had sat down at the table (surprisingly, the same one that he'd sat at on the night of the attempted robbery), the waitress handed them menus and moved off. Jack cast one glance at it, before dropping it down onto the table.
"Already know what I'm havin', so take your time," he whistled, reclining slightly and crossing his legs. Uni tilted her head.
"That was quick." She paused, narrowing her eyes. "Have you been here before?"
"Indeed I have," he nodded, smiling. "Didn't get a chance to order anythin', because the bank over there was raided by some Commie bastards and James and I stopped them. Pretty good evenin'."
"So...why didn't you get food after?"
"Dunno. Probably forgot. But it is where I picked up the Deagle and the Double-Barrel. So that's cool." Uni giggled.
"Yeah, I guess." For a few minutes, neither of them said anything as Uni eagerly looked over the menu. The silence was interrupted by the sound of Jack sighing. Uni quickly looked up, appearing rather sad. "Wh-What's wrong? Sorry if I'm taking too long..." she trailed off.
"No, not that," Jack dismissed, "I'm just sighin' because Cave thinks she's bein' sneaky." Uni looked at him in confusion, before she suddenly noticed the red-haired woman in question standing right behind him with her usual, stoic expression.
"Uh! H-Hello, Miss Cave!" Uni blurted. Cave gave a simple nod.
"Good afternoon."
"...I-I'll be honest, I didn't see you standing there..."
"It is nothing to be ashamed of. I am a member of the Special Missions Department, so it is expected of me to be of a quiet nature." Jack turned in his chair, looking at her. Sat down, he came to about her breast-level, if not a bit shorter, so he had to look up so as to not look like a perv.
"What, so you're all spies, or summat?" he asked, scratching his jaw.
"In a way."
"Then cloak-and-dagger your arse in here and sit down, I'm buyin'." Cave suddenly looked confused.
"Why...what...are you inviting me to have lunch?" she asked suspiciously. Jack's eyes moved from left to right as he looked confused.
"...yeeeeaaah...is that a problem or summat?" he nodded. "Just didn't fancy the idea that you'd be standin' behind us in this weather without anythin' to eat or drink, so I figured it'd only be polite to invite you to get some food. I'm payin', anyway." The bodyguard looked at him for a moment with a flat expression, before finally sighing, and walking along the metal fence that ran the edge of the café's outside decking, entering the patio area, and then promptly pulling up a chair at Jack and Uni's table. As she sat, she groaned. "Uncomfy?" Jack asked. Cave shook her head, and smiled.
"No, I find it to be a relief, more than anything else," she replied, reclining slightly. "I have been walking behind you two all day."
"All day?!" Uni gasped. "You're really sneaky!"
"As mentioned, it's SMD requirement that I be able to enter areas, follow people, and observe targets without being noticed."
"So...you're like a hitman. Uh, hitwoman?" Jack asked.
"If the time calls for it, yes."
Uni shifted her seat a few inches away from Cave.
"I, uh, I think I'm done ordering."