Elizabeth had been at Raber Hill for two weeks and the previous night had been her first in her new room, now refurbished with the wares purchased in London. She loved the room. It was everything that was bright and fresh and lovely, decorated in soft blues and greens, and whites. She especially liked the bay window and window seat that looked out upon a magnificent Sessile Oak tree and, beyond, to her grandparents' estate.
"Come, Dogberry. Today we shall walk, I think." Elizabeth had been luxuriating in bed since she woke an hour earlier, waiting for the sun to climb higher in the sky and take the worst of the chill off the morning. She had also enjoyed the warm comfort of having a cat sleeping at her side, though it did make it a little more difficult to get up early in the mornings, she had to admit. Dogberry had been a faithful companion, following her about throughout the day and sleeping in her room at night.
Elizabeth dressed quickly in a warm dress she often wore on her walks around Longbourn. She had been yearning for a good, long walk. It was getting colder, and she wanted to take advantage of the clear days while she could. Her family had been good in indulging her desire to explore the estate and be outdoors. She had memorized enough landmarks to find her way alone if she did not venture too far but she also knew there was a well-traveled, well-marked path leading to Clessondale if she wished for a longer excursion.
Once downstairs, she donned her outerwear and alerted a footman of her intentions to walk and her anticipated course. As the door was opened for her, an orange form squeezed past her. Dogberry, she had quickly come to realize, was a most appropriate name for he was very much like a dog in many of his behaviors. He would walk ahead of her investigating interesting sights and smells, pouncing clumsily on grasses waving in the light breeze but always trotting back to her, never letting her get too far away from him.
Having decided on a long walk, she followed the path toward Clessondale. Along the way she encountered her grandfather and a stable hand on horseback, returning to Raber Hill. "Good morning my dear. How are you and your feline companion? May I join you on your walk?" At her agreement, he dismounted and handed his horse's reins to the stable hand. With a nod, the man continued on his way, leaving Elizabeth and Mr. Lee alone. "Shall we go further along?" he asked gesture in the direction from which he had just come.
"You do not mind?"
"Not at all. I am at your command, Zibby. John Stephens is a good man, but you are a much more amiable escort."
"Escort? I did not realize I was being pressed into service. Perhaps, I should rethink my agreement if I am to work before breakfast," Elizabeth said with a mischievous smile.
"Too late. You are committed now but I hope you do not find it a chore. Your grandmother requires I be accompanied when I walk or ride ever since I took a nasty fall returning from a tenant's cottage a few years ago. As I journey to Clessondale every morning," he gestured to the stable hand in explanation.
"I am sorry to hear of your fall, but do you not ever get time alone now in the fresh air? That seems unfortunate."
"When I took my spill, it was five hours before someone came across me. I had a broken leg and a bump on the head. Rachel was frantic when I did not return as expected. So, it is worth it to give her this peace of mind." Looking around in an exaggerated manner, he whispered conspiratorially, "Do not tell your grandmother but I quite fancy her. I will do all that she asks of me."
Elizabeth had to laugh for, though their acquaintance was brief, she had never in her life met a man more open with his emotions. And Marcus Lee was very obviously enamored with his wife.
"But what of you? It is your habit to walk alone, I suspect. We are close enough so there is no need to escort me back to the house, and I can leave you to enjoy a solitary ramble."
"No, no, that is not necessary. I am happy to walk with you."
He stopped and looked at her for a moment before he spoke. "Elizabeth. It will not hurt my feelings if you do not wish for my company. I believe the rest of the family would agree with me when I say you are free to be yourself. That includes doing things you enjoyed before. You do not have to leave who you were behind for our sake."
"You may regret that statement," There was no humor in Elizabeth's laugh. "I talk too much and have been known to speak before I think. I can be tetchy and impertinent sometimes. I am far too quick to judge. And I am just so afraid of disappointing you all." The last few words were said with a tone tinged with worry. Her grandfather gave her a quick embrace before he turned her around and led her back toward Raber Hill.
"That is precisely the thing you must do. You must speak as you feel. I expect you have more worries. You may entrust them to me, if you like, and I will keep your confidence," Mr. Lee said softly.
"I know Mother and Father watch me, Tessa and David too. The way they look at me, it is as if they could not bear to lose me again. I can see it on their faces. I do not want to do anything that would make them unhappy. So, as you said, I can give them this peace of mind."
"At the expense of your own happiness? None of us wish for that."
"I am not unhappy. And everyone has been very kind and accepting. I appreciate their patience with me. I cannot help but think that this cannot last, and everyone will realize I am not a perfect daughter or sister or granddaughter and you will regret the day David found me."
"Why would we want someone who is perfect? If you were, you would be quite out of place with our lot." Mr. Lee's comment provoked the smile he was hoping for, and he continued. "There is a great deal of distance between happy and not unhappy. We must rectify that. I do think we are all in a bit of a blissful haze right now. And though it may seem odd to reassure you in such a way, it will not last. If things have been a little too pleasant and tidy, we shall have to try to muss things up a bit. The best way to start is for you to be honest with us. You do not need to blindly agree with everything or deny your own inclinations or hold your tongue when you long to speak. May I demonstrate that last one?" Elizabeth nodded her agreement.
"What you say about our regretting your discovery is complete and utter claptrap. Claptrap! Of course, I am sympathetic to what you must be feeling. These last few weeks have been quite tumultuous for us all, just from differing perspectives. However, I want you to understand, with no possibility for misunderstanding, our love for you is unconditional. You do not have to prove yourself in any way. We are yours forever…whether you like it or not."
"I do not think anybody has every referred to my conversation as claptrap. They may have thought it, but none dared to say so." She looked at him, her eyes narrowed, before she stuck her hand out for him to shake. "Well done, sir. It may not be mussing things up, but something has been knocked askew. It is a start.
"I do not know how Jane does it. It is difficult being good all the time, not to mention it is exhausting." Elizabeth was suddenly struck by a thought. "I am the Jane in this family. That is so disconcerting, and then that would make Tessa the…" She ran through her sisters in her in her mind until she found the best fit. "Lizzy! Tessa is the Lizzy. Dear me, I had not realized how much I had suppressed my true nature. I am hiding the essential characteristics of my personality, so I am not even myself anymore, Tessa is more me than I am."
"Well, that is certainly an interesting way to think on things. I do not know that I agree with it. You have your own place within the dynamic of our family, beyond that of the Bennets. While I do not know your Jane, I know we cannot allow Tessa to hoard all the Lizzy essentials. Luckily, those essentials are plentiful, it is only a matter of allowing yours to resurface."
"You are correct. I keep telling myself, and others, I am fine and comfortable and for the most part I am, but I have been holding back. That cannot continue. How am I to engage in a courtship if I am behaving differently from the Lizzy Bennet who Mr. Darcy wished to court?"
"Again, I do not know Mr. Darcy but David has told me all about him, but I think my previous advice for you extends to him as well. You will find your way. Do you not agree, lad?" Dogberry was swatting at Mr. Lee's ankles. "What have I told you about the claws? Grandpapa's valet does not appreciate the scratches to my boots. Are you trying to tell me you're hungry? I am feeling a bit peckish, myself. Ham and eggs would set me up well. Would you like some nice ham for breakfast, maybe?"
That first night at Raber Hill, Elizabeth had been embarrassed to be caught conversing with a cat. However, it was soon evident that all the family interacted with Dogberry in a similar fashion. Now, Mr. Lee gave Elizabeth time to gather her thoughts as they entered the house while he "chatted" with the cat, who meowed at all the appropriate times as if in answer to the questions Mr. Lee asked.
The footman led Dogberry to the kitchen for his ham while the remaining two made their way to the breakfast room. The rest of the family was present, except for Mrs. Hurst, who preferred to breakfast in her room, and the Michaels who had returned to their estate as they wished to be with their children. The family, in general, tended to be early risers so even with country hours, breakfast was quite early and informal.
Everyone greeted the newcomers as Elizabeth and Mr. Lee made their selections from the sideboard. When Elizabeth sat, she found a letter beside her place. It was from Lydia. So far, her youngest sister's roster had worked well, and she had received many letters from Longbourn. She would save the letter until after the meal.
"Did you enjoy your walk, Lizzy? I hope you can get your fill of exploring before it gets too cold. Maybe I can take you and Louisa out later today and reacquaint you both with some favorite paths." David's eyes remained on his newspaper as he spoke, which made Elizabeth smile. All her talk about being on her best behavior and it looked like others were starting to drop the pretense as well.
"I would like that very much, David, as long as Elizabeth does not mind," replied Louisa.
"Louisa, might you grant me a favor?" Elizabeth asked.
"Yes, of course. I know I am not a good walker, if you prefer it be just you and David, I understand."
"Not at all. I would just like for you to call me Lizzy. I have never been called Elizabeth so much in the whole of my life as I have been lately."
"Certainly. I would be pleased to do so." Though her response was very calm, she did, indeed, appear very pleased.
"I have a number of letters to return, along with this new one from Lydia," she raised the letter in question. "So, perhaps after luncheon as I believe Mrs. Kern has been invited for tea."
"Zibby, I will have another letter for you as well. A thick packet arrived from Mr. Darcy, I assume it includes one for you. Once I have read it, I will pass it along," her father said.
"Is something wrong, Zibby? Is breakfast not to your liking? If there is something you prefer, we can let the cook know." The overly solicitous questions and tone from her grandfather was his way of encouraging her to speak up. Although, she doubted he realized the cause for her unease. Regardless, she decided if she was going to be more honest it would be on weightier topics than breakfast foods. Elizabeth took a deep breath and quickly made her desire known.
"Actually, I was hoping Mr. Darcy and I might correspond without you reviewing the content of our letters."
"Zibby, I do not wish to put excessive restrictions on your courtship, but this is necessary for propriety," Mr. Hurst admonished gently. "If you were engaged it would be different."
"I understand but I hoped you would trust me, trust us, to not include anything inappropriate. Courtships are difficult enough, from what I've seen, and propriety can stifle the true acquisition of knowledge of one another. It will be all the more difficult to court via correspondence."
"Who knew my baby sister would promote such scandalous behavior."
"David, now is not the time. I appreciate how challenging it must be, Zibby, and I also appreciate that you are of age and if you wished it, you could be married to Mr. Darcy by now. However, since you have granted me the privilege of acting in your best interests in this matter, I will do as I see fit to protect you."
"But Papa, it is not as if—"
The entire room was perfectly still and silent. It took Elizabeth a moment to realize what she had said to cause such a reaction. It was the first time she had called her father 'Papa' and it had simply slipped off her tongue without thought.
"Hurry, ask him again, he will give you anything now," David said in an exaggerated whisper.
"Lad," Mr. Lee shook his head to quiet David before he could offer another quip. "I am pleased with your newfound temperance. I feel you have been returned to us along with Zibby but you must really learn to pick your moments."
As Mr. Lee and David bantered back and forth, everyone at the table knew they were giving Mr. Hurst a few moments to collect himself. Finally, he rose from the table claiming the need to deal with his usual morning tasks. Before he left the room he went to where Elizabeth was seated. He put his hand on her shoulder and leaned down to kiss her on the top of her head. "Thank you, Zibby." He cleared his throat before he continued. "However, let us see how your courtship progresses, and we shall reassess at a later date. For now, I shall still have a glance over the letters. Only a cursory glance, though. Will that do?"
"Yes, Papa." Again, she used the appellation without deliberate thought.
Mr. Hurst then stepped over to David and repeated the hand on the shoulder and the kiss on the head with his son. "I have missed you, David. Welcome back, son."