Chapter 18

"I'm coming in."

When we finally reach Orihime's room, Ulquiorra doesn't even bother to knock. Instead, he just opens the door, announcing our arrival only after he's stepped in. I follow after him, nudging the door open further when it threatens to close before I can push the cart through.

"It seems that you noticed," he says as I make my way past him and towards the couch in Orihime's room. There's a coffee table set in front of it, the only form of a table in the room so I figure it's as good a place as any to serve Orihime.

It's hard then, as I place the dishes on the table, to ignore the cruel words spewing from Ulquiorra's mouth. Used as I am to his blank tone, something about his voice seems colder than it has ever been when directed on me. So it makes it harder to ignore his words and the cruelty in them as he talks about Chad's death.

Especially since I did nothing to stop it.

"It appears that idiot Nnoitra got impatient," Ulquiorra says as I finally let my gaze go to Orihime. Not that I've been avoiding her so much as looking at her does nothing to alleviate the guilt of not stopping Chad's pseudo death. "Even though he was given an order to wait in his palace."

"Sado-kun is not dead."

Orihime's gaze, when I finally look at her, is set on me, watching me with something that looks a lot like worry. Whether it's for herself, her friends, or me, I don't know but I return the look with one I hope she can read as regret as I turn my gaze back to placing the food from the cart onto the coffee table.

"He's not dead," she repeats, but this time her voice wobbles, unsure. This time I keep my gaze off her, so I won't give in to the need to tell her that she's right. Sado isn't dead, but he is the enemy, so telling her so in front of Ulquiorra will probably end badly.

On one hand, Ulquiorra may not care at all. Killing the intruders had not been something Aizen had ordered of him. But on the other, he may feel compelled to finish the job. An intruder is an enemy and the less there are running around causing trouble, the better.

"Dinner time," Ulquiorra says, breaking the silence just as I place the orange juice and two cups onto the coffee table. "Eat."

"I don't need it," Orihime says, and I meet her gaze again, face going soft as I easily spot the pain in her eyes. After having spent so much time trying to read the blankness of Ulquiorra, ready someone so open comes easily, naturally, so there's no fighting the way my heart hurts for her.

"It is your duty to preserve your life until Aizen calls for you," Ulquiorra reminds her. It takes everything I have not to roll my eyes, exasperated. Reminding someone of their forced servitude is not how you get them to listen. "So eat."

Still, I don't stop him. I don't stop the cruel words spilling from his mouth like venom because there's something I need from this conversation. As much as I don't care for Orihime, I need to be here, because the results of his cruelty may benefit me if I time it just right.

"Shall I force it down your throat?" Ulquiorra threatens, voice dropping to freezing. I wince at the sound of it, unconsciously shuffling in anxiety as his words get crueler still. "Or do you want me to tie you down and give you your nutrition intravenously?"

"Sado-kun isn't dead," Orihime whispers again, almost as if she isn't paying attention to a word out of his mouth. For the sake of her sanity, I hope she isn't.

"Such persistence," he says, and I straighten, steeling myself as I know his words will get crueler still. Vicious enough to get a girl so sweet, so kind to snap. "Dead or alive, either will do."

When I can finally bring myself to look at Orihime again, her gaze is on Ulquiorra now. With every word out of his mouth the concern in her gaze shifts to be replaced with mounting horror that someone can be so cruel.

So horrid.

"What would you have me say?" He says voice like ice. I can't help but wonder what that says about me, someone so in love with all his cruelty and desperate to save him despite it. "'Don't worry, I'm sure he's still alive'?"

The words come out flat, monotone despite that they feel mocking and cruel, and I can do nothing but continue to watch as they tear her apart. As they reach deep down into all the good in her and crush it. As he tries to rip it from her, all that she is.

Kind and good.

"Ridiculous," he says, not even giving Orihime a chance to respond as he just powers through his rant. For all that his words aren't for me, his cruelty still cuts deep. It burns. Harsh and cruel as they bring back memories of my own demons. "I am not here to comfort you."

Of a man, too far gone into the bottle to realize that words can leave their own scars.

"I don't understand," he says just as I finally find the will to move. I keep my pace slow, trying to go unnoticed as I finally make my way to his side because it won't be much longer now. "Why are you so fixated on life and death?"

Orihime will snap soon.

"At any rate, your friends will soon be annihilated. So what if that's one step closer?" He asks just as I reach his side. Rather than take a step behind him, I hoover next to him, gaze still completely fix on Orihime as I wait for her to move. "They should've seen this coming from the start."

Fixated as I am on her, I get to see it.

"If they couldn't see it coming, the fault lies in their own foolishness. Laughing them off as a group of idiots would be sufficient, why can't you do that?" Ulquiorra asks, his voice still that infuriating blankness. "If it were me, and my friends had entered Hueco Mundo without first gauging their strengths, I'd be infuriated by their stupidity."

I get to see the mount the horror bleeds out of her gaze and, in its place comes seething, hot anger.

It's easy, all too easy to step in front of him, as Orihime shoots forward. And it's even easier, under the weight of all the cruelty he's unleashed upon her to stand still, loose and waiting so that when her hand meets my cheek, the pain of it is almost nothing.

Because it is nothing. It can't compare to the venom that has fallen from his lips, harsh and poisoning all the good that she is. Because if Orihime is anything, it's too pure for this world and the sickness in it.

But, dear God, does that woman have a heavy hand!

Even with the initial pain of the slap already fading, it took a lot not to bow under the force it. Or to even hold sill enough that only my head had snapped to the side. Never mind the amount of sheer will it takes even now not to reach for my cheek and try to soothe the hot pain growing from the abuse.

"You, you don't have any friends, Ulquiorra," I gasp out as the room goes still, finally blessedly silent of his venom. My cheek is warm, unbearably so and I don't have to look to know it's bright red.

Where she wouldn't even have left a mark on Ulquiorra, each one of her fingers have been imprinted on my skin. Already I can feel it swelling, the skin puffing up because that slap had been meant for him after all. Making it a slap hard enough to hopefully injure the hard Hierro of his Arrancar skin.

When my gaze finally clears enough to make out Orihime again, it's to find her looking at me in horror, eyes brimming with tears and hand still raised. I offer her a smile as kind as I can make it, moving slowly as I do to take her still raised hand in mine.

"Do you mind if I join you for breakfast, Inoue-san?" I ask, the words low and comforting when she only continues to look at me in fear. "I cooked the meal myself so I can assure you it's safe for human consumption."

"I'm, I'm, ah," she stutters over the words, confused as her hand clenches in mind. I drop it, easing away from her with both hands held up to show her I mean no harm. "I'm not sure who you are."

"I am Trixy," I tell her, dipping my head in lieu of a bow. It's disrespectful in her culture not to bow when introducing oneself, I know it is, but my Mexican culture dictates that I should pull her close and press a kiss to her cheek in greeting, while the American one would be to just shake her hand. With all the clashing cultures, I simply offer her the nod and hope she won't take offense.

"You're human," she says, and I nod, smile still in place. She pales at that, eyes glancing down at her own hand in alarm because she just hurt a human. Dressed in Aizen's uniform or not, a human is all I am. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," I rush to tell her, stopping her before she can bow in apology by taking her hand again. It trembles in mine, horrified now because she's done something she'd never considered herself capable of before. "If anything, I should be the one to apologize for Ulquiorra's behavior."

She's never hurt a human before. Especially not one she has already seen injured before, bloody and beaten by the very monsters holding her captive. So I know, when she looks at me again, worry etched into every corner of her face that I've played my cards right.

Mission get Orihime's pity was a success.

"Besides, I owe you anyways," I remind her, hand still clutched in mine. I give it a squeeze, the pressure gentle before I use said hand to slowly guide her to the coffee table. "You healed me before so I figured the least I could do was make you something you might enjoy eating. Between you and me, the food here is horrid. Arrancars really aren't the best cooks."

She lets herself be led, too confused by her abating anger and the sudden turn of events to fight as I urge her to take a seat. She folds herself carefully, slowly kneeling at the coffee table instead of sitting at the couch and it makes me wonder if this isn't actually a coffee table but a Japanese table instead.

What are those called again?

A Chabudai, I think. The lack of any form of cushioning had led me to assume a coffee table was all this could be. Still, coffee table or not, I sit on the other side of it. Not used to kneeling for any length of time, I don't bother to assume Orihime's respectful pose as I simply cross my legs. If Orihime finds it disrespectful of me to do so or not, she says nothing.

"Will you be joining us, Ulquiorra?" I ask even though I already know the answer. Still, I make sure to keep my voice low, my gaze locked firmly on my hands as I uncover the dishes and begin to put food onto Orihime's plate.

"No," he says as I do everything I can to appear weak and timid. With that comes refusing to meet his gaze and it makes my heartache. Makes it beat painfully that I have to act as if I'm wary of him now. "I will return in one hour. If Orihime has not eaten by then, I will be forced to feed her myself."

Being unable to look at him to keep up the facade of fearful human held hostage; I will miss his exit. I won't get to see it and, belatedly, I worry that this will be the last time I get to see him before his first fight with Ichigo.

"I won't need an hour," I call, breaking the façade because nothing matters more than him. Than seeing him one last time before everything will truly spiral out of control by my doing, whether by intention or not.

When I turn my gaze back to him again, he's at the door, paused there and waiting. Waiting for what I have to say and the sight of him eases the worry in my heart.

"We'll be done eating in fifteen minutes."

With a nod, he leaves.

"I'm sorry about, Ulquiorra," I tell Orihime once he's gone. Her gaze snaps onto me, eyes still brimming with tears even as some have already fallen. "I know it's a poor excuse, but he can't really help himself. Emotions and the concept of them aren't something he can grasp."

"How?" she asks, curious about one of her captors despite his cruelty towards her. Or maybe even because of it. Orihime has always been a girl lonely from the loss of her family and desperate to connect with the world around her.

"His time as a hollow was spent with a mask that covered him so completely he could only see," I say, as I start to plate my own food. I keep my portion small, my lack of any real hunger making me conscious that Orihime hasn't eaten since she got here so she'll need more food. "It blocked out everything else. Sound, smell, touch, and left him unable to even speak or eat."

She gasps, the sound far more emotional than I would have thought considering everything he's just said to her. But this is Orihime for you, compassionate to a fault. So much so that she would reach for him at his death, uncaring of everything he put her through.

"It made the world around him bleak, meaningless," I continue, carefully pouring out Orange Juice for us. With that breakfast is set and ready to eat. "And with time, it made everything inside him meaningless as well. So now Ulquiorra can only feel the deep void of emptiness."

"That's, that's," she says, struggling for words but the horror in her gaze is more than enough to let me know she understands the depths of what I'm telling her. I nod, showing that I understand as I start to eat.

"So please forgive him his callousness as he knows nothing else," I tell, careful to keep my eyes low. If it were any other situation, I would think better of sharing so much information with an enemy, but this is Orihime, and if I can't stop the last fight between Ichigo and Ulquiorra, I'm going to need her compassion to save Ulquiorra. "Out of all the Arrancars here, he hasn't attacked me, actually."

"But the others have," Orihime says, picking at her food as she does. She has yet to take I bite, but I don't doubt she will at least eat some of it before Ulquiorra gets back. The alternative is just too horrible for her to consider continuing her hunger strike.

"Yes," I tell her because there's no point in hiding it when she was the one to heal the results of those attacks. "I have a horrible knack for getting into trouble, but it's always Ulquiorra who pulls me out of it. For as emotionless as he is, he keeps me safe."

I have no intentions of telling her that Ulquiorra's protection is contingent on Aizen's desire to keep me alive. Doing that will only ruin the progress I'm trying to make in her having some level of pity for us. The captured human and the monster unable to understand the emotions coursing through him.

"How did you even get here?" She asks as she finally brings a bite of egg to her mouth. I can't fight off the smile that takes my lips at the sight of it, thrilled that she's eating so she can avoid Ulquiorra's threats of force-feeding.

"I honestly don't know," I tell her, shrugging when that only serves to surprise her. "I just woke up here one day, was brought before Aizen, deemed unthreatening, and was left to my own devices for the most part."

"They just let you walk around?"

"I'm just a human," I carefully explain, trying to avoid the truth of my stay here as much as possible. Instead, I feed her the story of a poor, unfortunate human, unable to escape but miraculously cared for by the cold monster, void of emotions. "I have no special abilities or powers. So my fate rests solely on Ulquiorra's ability to keep me alive. When you healed me, I was injured because, while Ulquiorra was following Aizen's orders to retrieve you, I was attacked in his absence. So truly thank you, I'm not sure how much longer I would have lasted without your help."

I do bow this time, dipping down as much as I can while still seated at the Chabudai. Flustered once more, she urges me to sit up, waving away the need for gratitude. Straightening at her insistence, I offer her a smile, one that only deepens as she continues to eat the food I made.

The rest of our meal passes in silence. A comfortable silence that has Orihime eating her food with more ease than I could have hoped for. Thankfully though, by the time Ulquiorra comes back, her plate is almost empty.

"Are you finished?" He asks as he once again enters without knocking. This time, I watch him approach, unable to hide the smile on my face as he nears. When Orihime tenses the second she hears his voice, I offer her another kind smile.

"Yes," I tell him reaching for him when he draws close enough. His hand comes out to take mine instantly, the habit to reach for me as instinctual as it is in me. "And Orihime has eaten too, so no more threats, okay?"

"Very well," he agrees, pulling me to my feet as he does. The move isn't as gentle as I would have liked but it's miles away from all cruelness Orihime has seen in him that I hope it's made an impression on him. Once I'm standing, it only seems natural to twine our fingers together. "Someone will be by to clean."

"Goodbye, Inoue-san," I tell her just as Ulquiorra begins to lead me out of the room. No doubt unwilling to deal with Orihime any more than is absolutely necessary. Given that Orihime had been out to slap him, I can't blame her for it either. "I hope I get to see you again."

"Goodbye," she says back slowly, her face going back to that dejected sadness that has plagued her since she first arrived here. The look of it pulls at my heartstrings but the knowledge that she'll be with her friends soon enough doesn't let the feelings linger. "I hope so too."

With a wave, I let Ulquiorra pull me from the room, the door swinging shut behind us. There's no fighting the smile on my face now because, well, that couldn't have gone better. The foundation for Orihime's coming to our aid out of pity has been well and perfectly laid and I want to jump in excitement.

"You knew she was going to do that," Ulquiorra says, cutting off my excitement as he pulls me to a stop before we can get more than a few feet from Orihime's door. "That's why you chose to have your meal with her."

"Yes," I agree, seeing no need to lie to him even now. Though, already confused at the need for him to even need clarification of that, when I keep telling him I know everything that would happen.

"Then why?" He asks, suddenly yanking my hand still in his to pull me closer. The whole act takes me by surprise, so much so that I stumble into him, catching myself on his chest as the confusion only grows when it feels like anger should be in the place of his emotionless tone "Why would you allow yourself to be injured."

The 'for me' is there, carefully unsaid in the silence that falls over us as I try to catch up with what has irked him. But I hear it all the same, so I take that moment, pressed up against him to slide my free arm around him. He allows the action easily and even releases my hand without complaint so that I can wrap that arm around him do.

"I need her on my side," I tell him without an ounce of guilt because I'm just as bad as he is. Manipulating and conniving and good at it. "And nothing ties someone to you like making them feel guilty for hurting you."

Hands now free, he brings one hand to cup my battered cheek. The cold of his skin eases my still stinging cheek, so much so that I can't help but lean into it. His fingers are gentle when they graze over the mark, trailing over the edges of what will no doubt be an epic bruise.

Orihime had put all of her strength into it, of course.

"Come," he says after a few seconds, sweeping me into his arms. I don't fight his hold, just wrap my arms around his neck and bury my face there as I feel the world shift around us. I don't have to look to know that he's used Sonido. "That will require treatment."

"Okay," I agree, breathing the words over his neck as I press closer. As I clutch him tighter until my cheek is flush against the coolness of his skin once more. "Though, I'd really like a shower before the war finally starts."

"Very well," he agrees, his voice reaching me over the roaring of the wind rushing past us only because, as close as we are, my ear is pressed to his throat. "The extra clothing has already been delivered for you."

"Perfect," I mutter, eyes lolling close only until the wind stills and we come to a stop. Pulling away from his neck, I find myself back in his rooms at the sight of it is more comforting than it should be.

Though, Ulquiorra doesn't put me down once we arrive. Instead, he carries me through the room, past the bed, and into his attached washroom. Carefully, almost more gently than I would have assumed him capable of, he sets me on the bathroom counter.

Unsure where he's going with this, I simply let my thighs slide open so that he can stand in between them as he presses a wet washcloth to my cheek. The cold of the water is infinitely better than his hand and I all but melt into it.

It's almost impossible then, as he dads the heat from my cheek with gentle presses, to reconcile this man as a creature without a soul. With a cruel and vicious monster when all he's ever wanted was to exist.

To be.

As nothing. To want nothing and need nothing and exist as nothing because everything around him is meaningless. Because, to him, the world and all it holds is meaningless and he wants nothing more than to exist without meaning. To live and breathe and just be in an endless void of absolute nothingness.

And yet here he is, the man who dreams of an existence of nothingness, caring for me as if I am anything but useless.

"Thank you," I tell him, eyes shifting close once more as I relax into his touches. There's only so much cold water can do to ease the swelling, but it's better than doing nothing, so I don't stop him.

"It would have been less damaging if you had allowed her to hit me," he says when he finally pulls the towel from my skin. He sets it to the side, and I spot a few specks of dried blood on it when I glance at it.

I guess Orihime managed to hit me hard enough to break some skin. It's not much, just a few flakes that probably happened more because the swelling had been enough to cause the already battered skin to rupture.

"It would have been less damaging if you hadn't pissed her off in the first place," I tell him, eyes going back to him. Pressed as close as he is, settled between my legs, his face is once again only inches from mine

"She is a hostage, Trixy," he says, hands going to either side of me as he plants them against the cold counter and leans forwards. The closeness puts not more than an inch between our lips and for all the anger can only assume should be building in him, I contemplate closing that last inch. "And it is my mission to break her."

"I know," I tell him because it's true. All of this, every cruel word he has thrown at her, and every curler façade of kindness they have shown her has been for no other reason than to tear her apart and bind her closer to them in the aftermath of it. And even I am guilty of preying on her emotional instability. "But I will do whatever it takes to make sure you don't die because of this pointless war."

"I won't," he says then, voice that same blankness that I know well enough to pinpoint what emotions should be in its place. And maybe it's because I've spent so long reading him, tracking every glimmer strong enough to be called something other than blank nothingness, that I spot the way those words can be taken as a promise.

"But you can't really promise me that, can you?" I whisper, the words soft as I bring my hands up to cup his face. That he allows it, not moving away from my reaching hands, melts something in me. "Especially not when I've already seen you die."

Pulling him forward to close that inch is too easy then.

His lips are soft under mine, far softer than I would have ever thought considering his Hierro. Still, for all their softness, he's doesn't return the kiss. Instead, he stays unmoving, frozen almost until I let him go.

With a sigh that is fonder than I would like to admit and nowhere near as rejected as I would have thought, I carefully ease him away.

He's emotionless, a deep void of nothingness. The world around him is meaningless. And it's not his fault that he can't return the sentiment of my kiss. Not when this is already more than enough, gentle attentions I never would have considered him capable of.

"I won't let you die," I promise him, my smile only growing fonder when he lets me jump off the counter and lead him towards the door. Ready for a shower to finally face all that will come in the next few hours, I usher him out of the bathroom even as I make a promise I can only pray I will be able to keep. "Not for this stupid war, not for some pointless mission, and definitely not for fucking Aizen."