Author's Note: Hello! Still alive, still writing, just very busy. I've been working on this one for awhile and had intended to make it longer, but reached a place where I felt it was ready to go, so I'm excited to continue this story with you! I also have to say, while I've been MIA, I'm super excited to welcome a ton of new readers, followers, and reviewers-hello and welcome! So excited to see that you've found this little project of mine :)
Some trigger warnings: Sex. Yup...it's here. (And on that note, I have never in my life attempted to write a sex scene so please be kind-it was really hard...no pun intended. This is largely while the chapter took so long because I really had to work up my nerve to try this!). Also, Snape sympathizers will probably not love some of the content, so if you are a Snape enthusiast and you take issue with this content, I hope you'll find other redeeming qualities to the chapter.
See you all in Chapter 6!
Rhymer, Part 1
"Yeah I'm a rhymer,
I can turn twenty cents into a ten
And if I get confused and I start to lose
I rub a dime 'til it all makes sense"
In the days and weeks that followed, Lily found herself, in a word, happy. She reflected on this new found contentedness as she stretched out in her bed the morning of her twenty-second birthday, James and Harry having already vacated and relocated downstairs.
Harry hadn't technically needed a sandwich hug the previous night, but when he had asked for cuddles, both Lily and James had been happy to indulge him. And of course, a night spent in bed with James, even innocently, wasn't something Lily really wanted to push away.
Their relationship, or co-parenting, or whatever it is they were calling it, had changed since the night of his party in December. There was no doubt of that.
Although they had not yet returned to the "scene of the crime" as Lily had taken to calling it in her head, it was hard to deny that things had shifted.
It was subtle at first, the casual intimacy that was building between the two of them. The way he'd bring her a snack when she'd been working too long in the lab, or put a supportive hand at her lower back when they'd be out in public together on errands or at the park with Harry. The way she'd adjust his glasses or knew exactly how he'd take his tea. The glances and smiles and flirtation that, as Sirius said, was "Getting out of control," or as Remus put it was "Long overdue."
And then, there were the bigger moments. The ones that made Lily feel like a teenager again, tucking them away in her memory to think about in her quiet moments, moments when she started to doubt herself and her feelings, when she worried she wasn't seeing the progression of things clearly.
One such moment had been Christmas evening. Harry was already in bed, having exhausted himself early after a day full of presents, food, and snowball fights with the whole house. They had drank coco, listened to carols, and all in all fulfilled every cliché Lily had hoped they would. It was a successful day, a day that made one feel perfectly content and joyful. After he had gone to bed, the four adults had spent the evening playing Muggle board games, which should have given Lily an advantage, but much to everyone's dismay, Sirius had been dominant. As Remus and Sirius wandered off for the evening, Lily moved to the living room, happy to enjoy the quiet glow from the Christmas tree in peace.
"Merry Christmas, Lil," James said, sliding onto the couch next to her that night.
"Merry Christmas to you," she responded, giving him a sly smile. "I think we made an excellent team. Harry had the best day."
"Did it live up to Christmases past?" James asked, returning her smile. "I know you said Christmas was always pretty special for you before with Gemma."
Lily paused, the familiar pang for her friend and mother-figure resonating in her chest. It had been hard, in many ways, throughout the holiday season to not allow herself to wallow in her grief. She had pushed herself to stay busy and focus on making life as, for lack of a better word, magical for Harry so he would not feel as though he missed out. She hadn't stopped much to think about how this holiday compared for her.
"It was different, but good different. Not better, but almost…" Lily trailed off, eyes meeting James'. He looked so genuine and interested, eager even, for her to share.
"It's sort of like how all of our Christmases could have been," she finished. "If we had been together, you know? Like a family?" she finished, feeling shy. She felt her cheeks heat, unsure of herself.
"I thought so, too," James agreed quietly. "It's exactly how I'd like every Christmas to be moving forward. And," he said, clearing his throat a bit, running a hand through his hair, "it's how I'd like everything to be. Us together."
"Us, meaning me, you and Harry," Lily said, not quite believing he was insinuating what she thought he might be. Her mind trailed back to the conversation she had heard between him and Sirius, and suddenly it didn't feel far-fetched. She allowed her eyes to trail to his lips, but then quickly brought them back to his face, a motion not lost on him as he gave her hand a gentle squeeze.
"Us, meaning you and me," a brief pause, "and Harry." Another quick squeeze of the hand, a soft kiss on her cheek, and then he was on his feet. "Sweet dreams, Lil. Maybe see you later for sandwich hugs."
So, yes, things were definitely in the progressive stage, she mused that morning as she went about her usual routine. It was a Saturday, so there was no need for her to go into the lab. She piled her hair in a messy bun on top of her head and threw on a jumper—one of James', one of her favorite perks of cohabitating with him was access to his clothes that positively dwarfed her but made her feel so cozy—and went downstairs.
What she saw took her breath away.
The boys had clearly been hard at work, with an absolute feast prepared—waffles, eggs, bacon, pastries, various juices and champagne for mimosas, flowers, and balloons—so many balloons.
It was also the look of pride on Harry's face, the bashful look on James', and the welcoming smiles from Sirius and Remus. Beyond them stood Marlene and Dorcas, who had become fast friends to Lily in the last few weeks, inviting her out to coffee or for a glass of wine so she could get away from all of the testosterone in her own home. Living with all males made it more necessary than ever to seek out female friendships.
"What is this?" Lily asked, voice coming out hoarse.
"It's your birthday, isn't it?" Sirius asked. "Honestly, James, did you get the date wrong?"
"What? Of course not!" James replied indignantly.
"Are you so happy, Mommy?" Harry chimed in from his place on the kitchen counter. "We've been working all morning but had to stay extra quiet so you could sleep."
"It's so thoughtful!" Lily said, a smile taking over her face. "I've never had anyone do anything like this for me before!"
"Never?" James asked.
"Not really," Lily said with a small shrug. "I've never been big on my own birthday, so I never really made much of a fuss about it. But this—it's such a surprise!"
From breakfast, the day continued to outdo her expectations as she was whisked away to a muggle spa with Marlene and Dorcas, and fully pampered with massages, facials, and mani-pedis.
"This is heaven," Marlene groaned as the three sat in the sauna after their final appointments for the day.
"Agreed," Lily said, lifting her head slightly to share a smile with the two women. "Thank you both so much for such a lovely afternoon. It's been ages since I've had a whole afternoon to myself."
"We should be thanking you!" Dorcas replied. "It's your birthday that gave us the excuse to have this little pampering session. Well you, and James, of course."
"Dorcas—" Marlene hissed.
"What?" Lily asked, raising a brow. "What am I missing?"
"We weren't exactly supposed to tell you," Marlene began. "Just let you believe it was us who treated you, but Potter arranged the whole day. Breakfast, then afternoon at the spa—"
"James knew about a spa?" Lily asked, a giggle bubbling up in her chest.
"He asked the mums at Harry's school!" Marlene shared. "Wanted recommendations on good places close by. He said they were really excited to help him plan."
"I'm sure they were," Lily said, giving the girls a side smile. "Since he's on leave from work, he's been volunteering a lot at the preschool. He's very popular."
This sent them into another wave of laughter, but Lily couldn't help but feel her heart glowing in her chest. He had done this for me, she thought. It felt inconceivable at times that this was the same man she had left behind at Hogwarts.
"He's so good," Lily said finally, after their laughter subsided. "He's really been incredible since we've been back."
"How good?" Marlene asked suggestively.
"Not like that!" Lily said, reaching over to give her a soft push. "Although, if memory is correct, and assuming he hasn't had a lobotomy, he is very good."
"Okay, so assuming I understand everything correctly: he treats you wonderfully, is actively involved in your son's life, shares incredible chemistry with you, and makes you blush like that at the mere thought of having sex with him again," Dorcas said, shooting Lily a look. "Why aren't you two together again?"
"It's complicated," Lily said. "I'm not saying I'm opposed to the idea, but you guys don't know—there's a lot of baggage to unpack. These things take time," she sighed, shrugging. "Plus I don't exactly know how he feels."
"Have you seen the way he looks at you? I've seen him date other girls while you were gone—nothing long or super serious—but he never looked at them the way he looks at you," Marlene said, shaking her head.
"I think, or rather, hope, we'll get there," Lily said, with what she hoped was an air of finality. "But we aren't there yet."
But yet and soon, were starting to feel interchangeable, and even as the subject was dropped and the girls continued with other subjects, Lily found herself thinking of James in terms of when and no longer if.
The rest of Lily's birthday passed in the same jubilant fashion, with the three girls returning home to a delicious home cooked meal, courtesy of James and Remus, with Sirius playing bartender. It was the best birthday she could remember, and she knew she owed it all to her co-parent who felt like more and more with each passing day.
They continued to build a new routine and a stronger connection as February gave way to March, between spending time together with Harry, as well as becoming their own little family with the three of them plus Remus and Sirius, who increasingly became like the brothers Lily never knew she needed. Yes, she had felt loved and supported, certainly cared for back in Maddox by Gemma and the other people in the town, but this, this somehow felt so different. She had ran away nearly four years ago, unable to allow herself to dare to image a place in James' life. She had been so certain she was an intruder and unwelcome, an object of scorn, ridicule or pity. And when she imagined over the years what it would have been like if she stayed, if they had been together, it had never been real—she had fantasized and romanticized, putting in what-if scenarios that somehow glossed over the hurt, the distrust, and uncertainty that both of them had allowed to dominate their relationship.
But in those weeks after her birthday, Lily was finding the reality of being here, with him, raising their son together, was better than what she had imagined. The emotional work she and James were putting in to trust and accept one another was allowing them to see each other clearer than before and was allowing something to heal within her she had long thought she had put to bed. She found that even if some wounds had healed, they had still weighed on her soul. Somehow, the proximity to James, the steps they were taking to build a life together for Harry (and, possibly with each other) was alleviating that burden at long last.
All of this had long been plaguing Lily's mind as she reflected over and over until she felt her mind might combust. The epiphany that she might have let go of the past but still be scarred by it had caused her to worry what else was lurking below the surface of her heart and soul. Which led her to a startling conclusion, one she knew she had to discuss with James, in the spirit of open communication.
"I hold things in," Lily told him one morning at breakfast. Harry was eating his cereal while the two had coffee and tea, casually perusing the morning's post. "I used to think it was because I didn't have anyone to talk to, but I think even with Gemma, I didn't always say what needed to be said."
"This is heavy morning conversation," James said, putting the paper down to give her an assessing look. "What's going on?"
"I've been thinking a lot about us," she said, and James gave her a suggestive look, eyebrow rising. "Enough of that, you prick, your son is right there," she said, giggling as she smiled at him despite her words.
"Of course, that would be most improper," James said. "But of course, no more improper than when Sirius and Remus took him to the park during a muggle aerobics class to attempt to pick up women."
"They did what?!" Lily said, turning her head to look for Sirius who had just entered the room.
"Little Hero is adorable, Lil," Sirius said casually, giving her a what-can-you-do look. "He had fun, loved the attention. Not very dissimilar to his father. He always was needy when it came to attention."
"Oh are we discussing James?" Remus asked as he entered, catching only the last part. "Always acted out for attention. He was never nearly as bad as he seemed, Lily, just a desperate whiny thing—"
"You said you've been thinking," James said, shooting his friends a dark look. "About us?"
"Well, just that we let things go for ages," Lily started, getting three sharp looks from the men surrounding her, "which I know I had a part in," she continued quickly, "and my reasons though valid, were hurtful—"
"I've forgiven you," James said, sipping his tea. "You don't need to start with an explanation every time we broach this topic."
"Okay then," Lily continued, "and it's been good for me, to, you know, finally confront the whole situation head on. And," she paused, knowing this next part would not go over well, "I think I need to do the same with Severus."
Silence ensued. Remus let out a deep sigh, Sirius gave a look of disbelief, and James—
"Absolutely not," came his curt reply.
"I wasn't asking your permission," Lily said, feeling her anger rise.
"Well it sounded like you wanted my opinion, and I'm sharing it. I think it's the worst fucking idea I've ever heard."
"James—" Remus started.
"Let's stay out of this one," Sirius mumbled. "Hero, let's get you to school. Mommy and Daddy dearest have much to discuss."
"Jamie said a bad word," Harry said, eyebrows rising, eyes big as saucers.
"And he'll probably say more," Remus replied as he grabbed Harry's backpack. "See you both in a bit."
They sat in silence for a spell as the three left the room, and as they heard the door shut, Lily turned back to him.
"You have no right—"
"It's not about a right, Lily," James interrupted. "It's about knowing that this is bad for you. That it will hurt you. He always finds a way to worm his way into your head, to manipulate you—"
"When I was a teenager, a child, James! Do you think so little of my ability to think for myself that you don't think I won't understand his motives? That I might know him better than you, or anyone else?"
"I trust you, you know I do. But you are setting yourself up for absolute heartbreak. You know him better, but I watched the two of you for years at school, even when I wasn't supposed to be watching you because we were supposed to hate each other. I saw how he treated you, how you reacted to him, and it made me ill, Lily. He took advantage of you for years and you are just willingly walking right back in!"
"I need this closure, James. Tell me, truly, if you had the opportunity to speak with Peter, are you actually telling me you would pass on that?"
"I don't know—"
"You absolutely would! He was my best friend and Peter was yours and they both put us in a horrible situation where our son—and me, too, case you haven't forgotten—were nearly killed!"
"In case I forgot?! I hear Harry's screams, your screams, almost every night! I have never forgotten who is responsible. But whatever you are looking for, you will not find it with him!" James yelled, finally rising to his feet, hands pulling at his hair. He took a large sigh, removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes.
Lily allowed him a moment to collect himself, feeling the conversation was leading to nowhere productive.
"I can't do this," James said, causing Lily's heart to sink. "I cannot have this argument with you, about Snape, over and over again. We had it too many times at Hogwarts and I can't go down this road with you again."
"Then let me handle this. Please. I can do it. I can hear what he has to say, gain some perspective, and then come back here to you and Harry, and we'll never need to discuss him again. I need this James, please."
"I thought you weren't asking my permission," he said, tone still frosty.
"I'm not, but I am asking for understanding."
Another pause, a sigh, but this one sounding more resigned.
"Fine, but I want to come with you," James said, shooting her a challenging look.
"Absolutely fucking not," Lily said, returning his stare. "You two will become completely fixated on each other and I won't get anything out of the conversation. It will become a dick swinging contest that I want no part of."
James was silent for a moment, then gave her a half nod. "I'd win that contest by the way," he said, and Lily couldn't help the bubble of laughter that burst from her lips, his tone so petulant he sounded exactly like Harry.
"Of course you would," she gave in, knowing he was still deeply dissatisfied with this conversation. "I'll ask Dumbledore to have an Order member come with me, someone a bit more removed from you and your nucleus of friends. Someone non-threatening, someone like…"
"Lily!" Joshua Corner said as Lily apparated into Hogsmeade a few days later. He stood outside of the Three Broomsticks, looking handsome as ever with a handsome grin and a stylish cloak.
Lily adjusted her own cloak over her sweater dress. It was a winter white, paired with brown boots, and if she said so herself, made her look very fit. An outfit the three men she lived with had raised eyebrows at her for donning, but one of the many lessons she had learned from Gemma was that outfits could be armor, could lend confidence. She was dressed to impress as a way to remind Snape she was not the little orphan he could talk circles around. She was a strong, independent thinking mother who wanted answers and then, never wanted to see him again.
Joshua Corner's appreciative glances were just a nice bonus. Not that she was interested in him. Her romantic life was complex enough without adding in anyone extra.
"He's in a room upstairs," Joshua said, voice dropping low as the two walked into the pub. "He's been staying in some muggle town, Colesworth, I think it's called—"
"Cokeworth," Lily correct, and her heart almost softened at the idea of Severus exiled back in the hometown he so hated.
"Yes, that's it," Joshua continued. "We have him under surveillance—he agreed to it as part of his deal with Dumbledore—and is going to be working at Hogwarts next year when the new term starts. He keeps to himself, no contact with any of his old cronies, even Black—Regulus that is—"
Lily signed as Josh rambled, information that did not surprise her in the least. Of course he'd be out but with a careful eye trained on him. Of course Dumbledore would offer him a place at Hogwarts where he'd essentially be free to do as he pleased. Of course he had no friends. It was all so terribly predictable, she couldn't help but roll her eyes. No consequences for the man who had participated in a plan to actively murder her son.
"Well," Lily said, "if that's everything I need to know, I'll just pop up and get this over with."
"I'll be joining," Joshua said, chest puffing out. "Dumbledore's orders. I'm to keep a close eye on Snape, make sure he doesn't pull any funny business—"
"Dumbledore said that?" Lily asked, raising an eyebrow at him.
"Well not exactly. But Gryffindors don't have the market cornered on chivalry, you know. Your safety is highly important to me. Wouldn't want Snape to get any ideas, you looking so lovely, and him having you all alone—"
"Yes, thank you," Lily said, cutting him off. "I am capable of handling myself, you know."
"Think of it as an investment on my part," Joshua said, shooting her a wink. "I keep you safe, and then after, we can go to dinner, have some wine, maybe take a walk—"
"I have plans, Joshua," Lily said.
"Oh really, with Potter? Because—"
"Jesus, is this really the time?" Lily snapped. "I'm going up. I would prefer if you do not join me, but if you must due to some promise you made to Dumbledore, you may, but you will be quiet and not interrupt, and you will keep the information discussed confidential. Understand?"
"Yes ma'am," Joshua said, still smirking at her, sending her already high blood pressure even higher. This was exactly the reason she hadn't dated since, well, ever.
As Lily walked through the door to Snape's room, she was so irritated with Corner's behavior that she couldn't bring herself to be nervous for this confrontation. In some ways, this made her grateful for Corner's presence. But then she merely glanced at him and that gratitude disappeared immediately.
"Severus," she said, finally turning her attention to her former friend.
"Lily," he breathed out, his face softening, eyes filling with hope. "I heard you had wanted to speak with me. I'm grateful for the opportunity."
Lily nodded, swallowing hard. She hadn't really prepared for this, just knew she needed to get this situation out of her system. An awkward silence filled the room, as Lily collected her thoughts.
"How could you do it?" Lily finally asked. "How could you tell him it was me, that you thought the child was mine with James?"
Severus' face immediately darkened at the mention of James' name. She had expected it.
"The Dark Lord, as I'm sure you've been told, is a highly skilled Legilimens—"
"As are you, from what I've also been told. Excellent attempt at deflection. Try again."
Severus let out a huff. "I attempted to resist giving him the information when it pertained to you. There was, unfortunately, no denying the child was Potter's. The resemblance is most…striking," he said, disgust deepening on his face. "I willingly gave that information up."
He let that dangle in the air for a moment, almost testing her reaction. Lily had long learned to school her features into an emotionless mask; she was just as skilled, if not more, than he was at this means of protection. She had had to be, her whole childhood after all.
"And when it became clear James was not running around, fighting Death Eaters wearing a baby carrier with a small child? Surely questions of who the mother was came up immediately. How long did it take for you to share my name then?" She forced her tone to remain calm, bored even, all the while her blood was boiling, anger surging. This was beyond school boy rivals; she could just imagine it, Snape gleefully telling Voldemort the child must be Potter's, that they must target him, torture him, kill him.
"It was the eyes, Lily. He had your eyes. And I knew—" Snape swallowed, flexed his hands slightly. "I knew you two were involved, but I never thought you'd debase yourself so far as to have sex with that—that—that—"he paused almost as if even saying the words was choking him. "And then, I'll admit, I was so angry with you, that I said it might be you, but then the Dark Lord did perform legilimency for more information, and until you have been in that situation, I don't expect you to understand—"
"So it was spite, toward James. Jealousy even. Thank you, for clearing that up," Lily said, fully aware that blood was rushing to her head, likely coloring her cheeks. "You realized the child was his, then remembered we had been involved, making the eyes a dead giveaway the child was mine. That coupled with my disappearance put all the pieces together perfectly for you to win over some clout with your boss," her mask slipping as she talked, voice becoming harsher and colder. "I don't know why I'm surprised that your motivation truly was as low and evil as I suspected but—"
"I tried to save you!" Snape burst out, cutting her off. It seemed as Lily's anger had triggered his own desperation, his own need to paint himself as some misguided, misunderstood hero. "I knew how hard your life had been, how alone you'd been, and then you were off hiding alone again, protecting Potter's kid, while he was gallivanting around, like nothing happened. I could make it all go away, return you to England where you belong, where you could be properly protected—"
"HOW DARE YOU!" Lily found herself on her feet, wand out, leveled between Snape's eyes. "He is my son. Mine. And his name is Harry James, since you clearly couldn't be bothered to learn his name, beyond just Potter's kid. It was not a punishment to live in America raising him, it was my privilege. And for you to bring up anything about my past—"
"I always knew the next best move, even if you didn't or wouldn't—"Snape tried.
"Shut your fucking mouth," she snarled, all composure lost. "You are vile. Absolute scum. That you thought you could murder my child and then I'd what? Just fall into your arms to whisk me away? You are more than just delusional, you are dangerous, and I never want to see you again. Stay away from me. Stay away from Harry. And stay away from James."
She turned on her heel, ready to leave, almost not registering the comical look of shock on Joshua Corner's face, his mouth open into a perfect circle, eyes so wide she nearly thought he was faking it.
"So this is it?" Snape called out as she reached the door. "Everything we've been through, all I did to protect you in school and after? This is what I get?"
"What you get," Lily turned, walking toward him until she was inches from his face, voice dropped low, "is to live with the fact you willingly turned over an innocent child to be murdered because you didn't like his dad. What you get, is to know that even if your plan had succeeded, I would have died before I would have turned to you. You get to sit here in the knowledge that you lost the best fucking friend you ever had because you are a self-serving, manipulative, abhorrent individual. That's what you get."
She turned back around, nodding at Joshua to follow, but found she couldn't quite hold her tongue; she had come this far, might as well bury the nail in the coffin.
"And by the way, James and I are involved again. So not only did your plan utterly backfire, it actually brought us back together."
"Wait, what did you say about Potter—"came Joshua Corner's voice trailing after her as she made her way down the hall and back into the pub below.
That evening after Harry finally went to bed, James pulled Lily aside, a serious expression on his face. Lily had more or less avoided him since meeting with Snape, only sharing that she needed time to process before she'd fill him in. The air between them remained slightly awkward, a bit unsure.
"We need to talk," he said sternly, solemnly even.
"Oh," Lily said, nerves rising immediately. "If you're still irritated by earlier—"
"I wasn't irritated, I was concerned," James chimed in.
"Well whatever it was, it wasn't necessary—"
"It most certainly was—" he returned, raising a single brow at her. "I don't like how he's treated you in the past—" to which Lily let out a snort and gave a bit of a really now expression—"and I do see the hypocrisy in that statement but as the person who is probably closest to you at this point, I knew his betrayal was hurting you more than you'd been letting on. And I was right. You said you weren't ready to talk about it, but it clearly rattled you. So I will not apologize for feeling protective."
They shared a long look, thick tension, but something so familiar, bubbling right below the surface. We've been down this road before, Lily couldn't help but realize, the déjà vu striking her. Yes, they had argued about this whole situation, but that had been different. It had been civil, layered with concern for one another that they had never had in 7th year. But when comparing the aftermath of those fights and the aftermath of this one? Those layered moments where their emotions were heightened, tension rising? When they crashed into each other and finally, finally gave in to their primal desires? Yeah, this felt nearly the same.
"But," James said, finally looking away. "I didn't really want to get into all of that again. I actually have some news from Dumbledore."
Well shit, Lily thought. Moment's over. If anything could kill a mood, it was certainly mention of their former headmaster. Lily felt the air change, deflate. Whatever this was, it didn't feel like it was moving in a positive direction.
"Go on then," she said, motioning with a hand for him to continue.
"I have to go away," James said, hand moving to ruffle his hair, drawing Lily's attention to his arms, specifically his muscled forearms. "I'm not certain how long, but I can't get out of it."
And with that, any recollections of past post-argument sex left her mind completely, replaced instead with what felt like crushing disappointment. She shouldn't feel like this, she knew. She shouldn't feel he heart sink, her throat tighten with emotion. She shouldn't find her mind racing with one million reasons why he should stay—after all, who was she, really, to tell him to find a way?
No one, she reminded herself. His co-parent.
And a month ago, she would have believed herself. But now…
After moving in together, and sandwich hugs, his party, her birthday, breakfasts and dinners and broom rides, days spent building toward something...
She couldn't help but feel as though her hopes were a bit dashed.
"Lil," he said, pulling her out of her reveries. "Can you say something?"
"Why?" She said, voice coming out a bit strangled. She swallowed hard, forced herself to meet his eye. "Why now?"
He sighed, once again tugging at his hair. "It's the horcruxes," he said, shoulders tense, jaw tight. They had engaged in long discussions of horcuxes in the weeks after Regulus' visit, James filling in Lily at length about his order work and how Dumbledore believed that had significantly weakened Voldemort, but had yet to destroy all of them. "An arrested Death Eater said there may be something in Albania, and even though I'm supposed to be on leave, this is too close to home, to Harry, for me to trust anyone else. If there was any option—"
"No, of course," Lily said, and she did understand. Of course Harry's safety and well-being were paramount. Anything to prevent Voldemort from rising again, from coming after their son, outweighed any petty feelings she had about James leaving when it felt like they were…
Well, what they were, she wasn't exactly sure. But there certainly felt like an asterisk was needed after co-parent these days.
"It may not even be that long," James said. "And it should be relatively low-risk. We're taking a small team, all of whom have worked on this type of mission before. We aren't even sure if anything is there, so it's mostly just recon for now. You may not even have time to miss me," he tried for a joke, giving her a smirk, his tone light. But his eyes. Lily had long learned to pay attention to James' eyes.
And what she saw, it confirmed everything. Hazel swam with black, pupils slightly dilated, but with a gleam of desire, longing, burning. Everything, everything she had felt but had been so tentative to grasp, to admit she wanted. She felt sure she saw it mirrored back in his eyes.
"I will miss you," she said, eye contact never breaking. "Even if it was just for a day, I'd miss you. I missed you for years, and I don't want to miss you again."
The ensuing silence nearly strangled her. She and James had shared many a silences over the years: angry, stubborn, frustrated ones, ones that acted as foreplay, silences that acted as walls, even those that comforted. But never this. Never one that had them teetering so close to this moment, years and years in the making.
And then—
"Oh thank Merlin," James breathed out, and it took merely seconds for him to cross the room to her in three strides, lift her from the couch, and devour her.
His lips pressing firmly to hers, tongue demanding entrance to her mouth, and Lily found herself only too happy to comply. His hands firmly held her head in place as the other migrated down her back until he grasped at her butt, pulling her somehow even closer. She allowed her hands to tangle in his hair, drawing out a satisfied moan from him.
They broke apart for air for only a second before he started kissing his way down her jaw.
"You have no idea," he said hoarsely, as he came up after sucking her pulse point. "How long I have been waiting on you," and his words went directly to her heart and her core, turning her into absolute putty in his hands.
"James—" she gasped and his lips made their way to her chest and his hands moved to start tugging at her shirt.
"Please," He practically growled. "Please stop me if this isn't okay. Because I know before this was all wrong and I want to make everything so good for you. Baby, please let me—"
"Yes," she practically moaned, and then allowed him to lift her and she automatically wound her legs around his waist, this time returning the favor and peppering kisses down his throat, sucking gently on his ear lobe, drinking in every noise, every touch, every inch of James she had been deprived of for so long.
And when they finally made it to his room, clothes abandoned, bodies joined together, it was as if they were in 7th year again, but this time, it was so right. Feelings and hearts out in the open, it was as if she saw him with clear eyes for the first time. This, she found herself thinking, this is it. This is what it means to make love. The tenderness, the joy, the feeling of finally coming home.
That was her last coherent thought before she lost herself in choruses of yes, please, James, just like that; and fuck yes, baby, I need you; and oh god, I'm so close, so close; and let go, I've got you, always; and heated kisses and thrusts, mouths and hands, bodies and souls so wrapped up in one another there was no comprehension of where one ended and the other began.
Until finally, they found themselves intertwined in one another's arms, recovering in their post-orgasm haze, but with the knowledge that they'd never be the same.
Lily woke up the following morning encased in James' arms, snuggled into his chest in a perfect cocoon of bliss. Without realizing it, a giant smile overtook her face, relaxing into him completely.
"Good morning," James said, voice still thick with sleep, kissing her on the head as he pulled her closer.
"Morning," she replied, allowing her feet to tangle with his more. "This is a pretty lovely way to wake up."
"Pretty lovely? That's it, huh?" James said, raising a brow, smirking at her. "Took me four years to get you to sleep in my bed and snuggle after sex, but we're going with pretty lovely?"
"Well what would you say?" Lily asked, unable to stop smiling. Her heart might burst with joy, wrapped in his embrace.
"Well," James said, kissing her cheek, then moving to her ear, and moving his way down her throat, "I'd say mind-blowing, elated, victorious—"
"Victorious?!" Lily squeaked, trying to push him off her with a playful nudge.
"Victory for both of us, baby," he murmured, continuing his path down her neck. "I can show you how victorious if you just let me—"
"Mommy?" came a call from the hallway. "Jamie?"
Lily and James both let out a sigh. Harry was awake, and any further celebrating last night's events would have to wait.
"I'll get up," Lily said, leaving the bed to walk over to his dresser to grab sweatpants and a t-shirt. "You'll probably need a minute," she said, shooting him a look and cocking her head at his erection.
"We can continue this later," James said, sending her a soft look. "And we should talk. We definitely need to clear the air."
Lily nodded, unable to deny the need for a conversation. She had been the one, after all, that had preached open communication, honesty, and moving slow. Her actions last night had most certainly contradicted her message, and the last thing she wanted was to create confusion in James or have any false ideas of where they were herself. She was fairly certain they were on the same page, but would feel better nonetheless if they did clear the air.
As she entered the kitchen, waving to Remus who was already at the table, reading the Daily Prophet, she proceeded to turn on the kettle for James and pour herself a cup of coffee from the pot Remus had made. She was just about to ask Harry what he wanted for breakfast when—
"James!" Sirius' voice boomed through the kitchen, and moments later he appeared. "Oy, where's Prongs?" Sirius asked Lily and Remus.
"In his room. He'll be down momentarily," she replied without thinking.
"He and mommy had a sleepover last night without me," Harry said, a little pouty. "Mommy came out of his room this morning."
"Oh did she?" Remus said, a smirk that could rival James' overtaking his face.
"Now isn't that interesting," Sirius continued, turning to Remus. "I didn't know James and Lily had sleepovers without Harry—"
"What did you need, Sirius?" Lily said, cutting the two of them off as she sipped her coffee and subtly flicked the pair of them off, earning a round of snickering from the two. Harry laughed along with them, even though he clearly missed the joke.
"Message from the Order. Portkey leaves in 30 minutes. He needs to report to headquarters right away."
Lily felt her heart sink instantly. Her bubble of happiness, all of the joy she had felt drained right out of her. She knew he was leaving, after all, that conversation had been the precursor to all of the things that had occurred last night. But, she couldn't help but wish for more time. And if something were to go wrong with the mission…
"Morning everyone!" James called, spring in his step and smiling as he came down the stairs. "How's everyone doing today? Me? I'm wonderful."
Lily, Sirius, and Remus shared a quick look before Sirius filled him in.
"But that wasn't supposed to be until next week," James said, face instantly furrowing. "It wasn't supposed to be immediate. I was asked for time—"
"It's abrupt for sure," Sirius said. "But they want to strike while the iron is hot. Death Eaters are turning on each other left and right. Ministry wants to act fast, get as much information as they can—"
"It does make sense," Lily said, and James fixed her with a look. "What? It does! I didn't say I liked it."
"You better not like it," James grumbled, letting out a sigh. "Alright then, Harry. Help me pack? I'm going on a bit of a trip."
"Okay!" Harry said, leaving the table to make his way to the stairs, James trailing behind.
Twenty minutes later found all of them gathered in the front entrance, ready to see him off. Quick hugs given to Remus and Sirius with instructions and promises to look after Harry and Lily were muttered, which she pretended not to hear, even if it did warm her heart. James swooped down, giving Harry a bear hug and kisses to the top of his head.
"Be good for mom, yeah? And take care of Remus and Sirius. Your mom will need help keeping them in line."
"I will," Harry said, nodding.
"And be good at school. I'll know if you aren't sharing or working on your numbers," James continued, ruffling his hair.
"I'll be good, promise."
With a final squeeze, he turned to Lily, who gave him a tentative smile.
"Our timing for big talks is dreadful," she said, trying for levity but unable to meet his eye completely.
"We'll have plenty of time, later," James said, bending down a bit so she had no choice but to look him eye to eye. "Still going to miss me?"
"So much," Lily responded as he gave her a soft kiss on the lips. "I wish we had more time between last night and now."
"I have a lot to say, and no time to say it, but know I'll be thinking of you constantly. I'll write you, as much as I can," James said. "Watch for my owl."
And with one final kiss, he gave them all a wave, walked out the door, and apparated away.