Notes:
Hello everyone again, thank you for your interest in the last chapter. I hope you like this too.
See you at the end of the chapter! :)
This chapter complies with the prompts from OQ Prompts:
#15: OQ as parents
#48: Regina makes Robin cry
#49: Robin can't forgive himself for something
#70: one of them is sick/injured & a bad patient
#147: Robin and Henry bonding
#294: One of them almost dies before they get together.
(This chapter talks about domestic psychological violence. Please skip if it doesn't suit you.)
In the previous chapter
You haven't felt how much everyone you love loves you too.
Although he felt as if he was reliving every moment, every fearful heartbeat, he told the curious and worried crowd what had happened. The silence fell as soon as the blond man's words were finished as. The weight of the reality of the events that you will tell maybe by starting the sentence "I watched a movie recently..." while sitting with your friends, has dropped in the middle of the corridor.
Before their senses could return to normal, the operating room door opened, making the two anxious nurses visible. Even though it was wrong both legally and ethically for them to return to the hospital with so much blood on their green gowns wrapped around them, every second was worth a lifetime at that moment, to hell with the rules and ethics, the queen is dying!
We are not a family yet.
Even though those walking down the corridor, sitting in rows of seats, gathered together and started talking in one voice and trying to get information, as the two women passed by them without stopping, they said "The doctor will give information!" loud enough that they could hear.-which meant shouting to drown them all-
Everything is still half, my love...
Don't go, don't leave us.
Regina doesn't believe in nihilism. She doesn't like to be meaningless, to be expressed as nothing because she knows there is more to it than that. She believes that her feelings, thoughts, ideas, loved ones, everything that happens in her life is based on a reason. She mustn't have come from nothing, she can't be going to nothing.
So why is she floating in nothingness? She can perceive nothing but endless darkness. The emptiness she has felt ever since she stepped into the Queen's life becomes unbearable, as if she can't breathe.
"Stop daydreaming like a child, focus on your duties."
She suddenly emerges from the darkness with a venomous voice - only coming out physically, that sound is what throws her into her spiritual darkness - and tries to figure out where she is.
She's sure she's never been here before in her life and that it's the most complex room she's ever seen. It is also the most gloomy, the most breathtaking.
Its walls are a familiar tile color that he knows represents royalty. Large windows adorn the walls, and the hope of alleviating her inner anxiety dwindles the moment she looks out, because behind the windows there is nothing but the darkness she had just get out from.
But that's not what makes the room interesting...
In a corner is the same bedroom as the house she grew up in. She sees 22-year-old Regina shrinking in her bed, crying as her mother continues her threats without a moment's pause.
In another corner, there is the hill where she left Robin. She can see the desperation in his eyes even from where she stands; even if she couldn't, she still carries that feeling in her heart even after all these years.
In another spot that her eyes find, there is another bed. She is in secret labor pains from all over the world. There is neither the father of her child to hold her hand and give strength, nor her sister, nor her most trusted friend. But she doesn't have a mother who pushes the hair that sticks to her forehead and looks at her with love more than the absence of all of them. As Regina gives birth to her baby, Cora watches with disgust like she gives birth to a freak away from the bed.
Regina feels a tear drip from her eyes like burning her cheeks. There is so much pain in her life, she wonders how her heart is still beating with so much broken, but she has no answer. Her heart has no reason to beat.
There is a large rectangular table in the middle of the room, she is sitting in one of the armchairs at this table while watching her life. The cover, with various dishes on it that will be called a feast, moves so far away that she cannot even guess how many people it can host. But she somehow knows that even if there are hundreds of people, the void created within her will not be filled, she will always be alone at that table.
She sees the emptiness of the throne-like chair on her right at the very head of the table, a voice whispers who it belongs to in deeply, but the confused woman can't hear.
"You are a disappointment, Regina. You don't even understand."
She startles as if she has come out of a trance, as she examines her surroundings, she realizes that she did not notice the fullness of the seat in front of her. The voice belongs to her. One of the two people who ruined her life. To her mother. "Mother? Where are we?"
"You're asking stupid questions." She rolls her eyes. This behavior isn't foreign at all, it makes the woman feel stupid as she always tells her. Cora is a huge manipulative. "Of course we are in your life."
The truth she knows hits her face like a slap. She wants it to be a dream, a nightmare or some kind of... Hell. Her life is already a hell, so yes she is definitely in her life.
There is the sound of a door opening from somewhere, followed by harsh footsteps. Her heart is beating fast; with fear, anxiety, sadness, anger, all the bad feelings. She knows this walk, these are the steps of someone who entered her life like this. The steps of the man who took everything from her, of the king, of her husband.
He sits in his throne-like chair. She thinks she can really prevent him from being here if Regina doesn't look at him, but Leopold gives his wife an overhead glance and is enraged when he doesn't meet her eyes.
"How dare you disrespect me, Regina? You despise everything you own!"
"I have nothing." She feels tiny, as if she's sitting on a baby stool rather than a queen's chair.
At that moment, both her demons decide to speak at the same time. Her mother speaks of her stupidity, of being a disappointment to her. Her husband complains that he only wanted her to be a doll, but she couldn't even make it.
All three versions of her youth are crying, shouting, yelling right in front of her. She wants to get up and help, to change the facts she knows. She takes support from her feet and pushes her body up to push her chair, but she can't move. She tries again, unable to move an inch as if she has been paralyzed, the only difference being that she feels every cell and the suffocation it contains.
When her eyes lowered, she sees her arms shackled to the armchair's edges, and her legs are likewise tied to the chair's legs. Her struggle can't even move the queen's throne because it's fixed on the ground just like she was imprisoned.
"I want to stand up!" She pulls her arms so strong that the irons cut her wrists, she feels the warm blood flowing. "You can't keep me here, I want to go!"
Her mother and husband remind her at the same time that she had two adjectives that she hated. Cora yells in her face that she is the queen, and Leopold does that she is his wife. But Regina doesn't want to be either, she just wants her freedom, she wants to stand up from this goddamn chair and get her life out of this hell.
There are dozens of voices in her head, all of them screaming. Regina yells harder to suppress them. She doesn't care how much she hurts herself. The back of her head repeatedly bumps into the embossed motifs of her throne, the irons inflicting deeper wounds on her arms and legs. But she feels that her soul has taken the greatest harm, she feels nothing but her pain. It's like she's struggling for a breath of air at the bottom of an ocean, suffocating, dying... She's going crazy.
"I am NOT your queen, I am NOT your wife! I am not a prisoner!" Something other than desperation spreads through her tear-filled eyes. Self-love. She loves herself! She wants to fight for her life! She wants to live!
She first breaks the iron in her arms, she can see the extent of the wounds on her skin, but does not dwell on it. His freedom is more important than her body.
As soon as her legs are free, she gets up. She is afraid that the two remaining people at the table will follow her, but suddenly she realizes that they are silent. She doesn't dare look back, preferring not to know if they're still there because they don't matter anymore. She's left behind, she has a life ahead of her to save.
She runs first to the day Henry was born, screaming in pain as the young Regina baby leaves her body. Her red eyes meet her mother for a moment, her hand involuntarily reaching for the old woman. From this moment on, Regina knows she will only meet spaces and her fingers find the sheets. Because even the piece of cloth supports her more than her mother. But she won't allow it. She won't make her feel lonely and forlorn. Reaching for the trembling fingers reaching for Cora, she takes them in her hand, sits next to her on the bed and pushes her hair from her forehead. Her lips curl into a reassuring smile.
"I promise I will fix it. I won't let them take him from you. Keep calm, don't be afraid."
She knows these are the words she needs most, she can still feel the growing fear knowing that her baby will be taken from her that day.
A baby's voice surrounds them, the young woman falls into bed. She doesn't trust anyone but herself, so she gets up and takes her little boy out of the doctor's arms. She runs her finger across his face before giving it to the new mom. She has never been able to hold her baby peacefully without knowing that it will be taken from her, she just wants to feel it. She fearlessly wants to experience the feeling of being a mother.
But she still has a long way to go... She gives her son to the woman in bed. Before leaving, she grabs her mother's arm, who is still standing with her disdainful gaze, and pushes her into the dark corners of the room, which symbolizes her hell.
She runs to Regina, who is about to get into her red car. She pushes the woman through the door she opens, pulls the keys from her hand, and throws it into dark corners.
"You are not going anywhere! You will stay here and tell him the truth!"
"But…" She tries to oppose to her, possibly will talk about her mother's dismay.
"No reason you list after that word will lighten what you will experience afterwards. If you get in this car and drive away, you won't be able to save both of them, you're going to kill all three of you."
Her words are enough, young Regina's eyes meet the man she's left alone. As she runs and throws herself into the safe arms, she can't leave, watching them hug each other for a while.
But she still hasn't done the most important thing, nothing will matter if she can't get herself out of the room in the white mansion number 108.
She doesn't need to say anything to Regina who resists Cora who tells her to abort her child and leave Robin, she has heard enough. She just grabs her hand and pulls her out of bed and then out of her room.
"We're getting out of this hell now."
"What's going on?" Henry turned his hazel eyes to his mother. "Why are they so fussy?"
"I'm sure everything will be alright, dear." Emma lied to reassure her son, herself freaking out with fear.
His father walked past him, holding his serum in his hand like a bag. "Dad! Where are you going?"
"I will try to learn something."
"I'm coming with you!" He got up and tried to chase after the man, but was stopped by Robin.
"Stay here, Henry, please."
"I'll go with him, you can stay here and call us if there's news." Killian persuaded the boy to stay in the hallway with a mission.
When they were out of sight, he grabbed the blond man's arm. "You shouldn't act so fast, Robin."
"I'm fine."
"I know you're not, but that way you're no use to Regina."
"I know we wouldn't be in this hospital if I had any use for her."
"I don't mean that."
"But that's the truth, Killian, as much as I want to change it, even if I want to be at that cold table instead of her, it's the truth. I'm a goddamn useless man and the woman I'd give my life for without hesitation is fighting for her life. Because of me, because I couldn't protect her."
Killian knew his friend well enough to know that he couldn't calm him down with meaningless, hopeful, empty words. No matter what kind of support he gave Robin, he would only get objections in the end, and he knew that no matter how hard he tried, he would carry the burden of not being able to save the woman he loved on his shoulders for the rest of his life.
When they completed the rest of the way in silence and reached counseling, they were met with complete obscurity. Despite the rush of the nurses, there was no news from the operating room, which was also a sign that the situation was bad.
They returned to the front door, where every minute turned into hours, hours into days, they are doomed to helpless waiting with empty hands.
When the clock on the wall struck 1:45 a.m., it had been two hours since he had started to taste the hell in life. It had been two hours since he had seen the deep coffees he fell in love with, and two hours and fifteen minutes since his heart had been ripped out, and he had been in the middle of a street.
So why did Robin feel like 20 years were gone from his life?
The operating room door opened once more, reflecting the weight inside. The doctor didn't even need to ask about Regina Mills' relatives, they had already barricaded him with questions.
"I have to go inside, can you be quiet for a second, please?" His fuss continued in a tired voice that silenced the crowd. "We need 0 Rh+ blood, there is not enough in the hospital. She lost too much blood. Can anyone give blood?"
"I-Mine is same!" Robin held out his arm as if they were going to pull all his blood out of his veins there.
"I see you are injured. Unfortunately, we can't draw blood from you."
"Mine is the same too." Everyone turned to the voice behind him. "She is my mom."
"Henry, you're not old enough, honey." Emma pulled her son into her arms, whose heart fluttered with the desire to save his mother.
"I appreciate it, young man, but no."
When father and son were ready to spend their whole world and had to keep their hands tied, they found support in each other. Henry separated from his mother and grabbed the arm of the blond man who resisted standing even though his strength was very low. As if they were Regina's deposits to each other...
Before Katherine and Malory volunteered and left, the doctor said that the queen had a head injury, as Robin had predicted, but they were able to control it, and that the main problem was the bullet lodged in her right kidney. He explained that they had to remove her kidney, which was damaged beyond treatment. Despite removing the other lead from her liver, they would continue to repair it.
But the most devastating of all was the knowledge that her life was still in danger.
Robin sometimes hates being a lawyer. Justice does not wait for suffering, it precedes the desperate moments in front of a door.
He doesn't even know how many times he's met people who have had to put their love aside to keep the order running, but he never thought he'd be one of them.
Every step he takes to avoid testifying to the cops in front of his son feels like he's pulling her away from Regina. It's like she won't be able to sense his presence, can't find her way back to him.
He is not alone in his feelings... Even though they spent years unaware of each other, father and son share the same heart that day.
He walks with Emma to the police car outside the hospital to retrieve the items left in Robin's car. No matter how much it is said that he doesn't have to do this and that it will hurt more, he doesn't listen to anyone. He will not give his mother's belongings to anyone, nor will he allow anyone to erase her traces.
"I'm... I'm Henry Swan. Can I have Regina Mills and Robin Locksley's stuff?" He can't keep his voice from sounding broken.
The brunette guy doesn't even ask about the degree of intimacy, he must have known him from the news. Son of the Queen. Henry thinks he's proud of it, if he could shout it out to the whole world he would. I am Regina Mills' son! And she will get better and come back, my mom never left me, and she won't!
The blonde woman watched as her son held the package tightly in his lap, as if hugging a certain person. As they sat on one of the benches, she prayed for her only friend, but most of all for her son. Henry can't stand the loss of Regina.
He feels his fingers tense as they grip the black package on his knees. His fingertips touch the soft tissue under the plastic. He peels off the jacket she was wearing that evening from the bag. He can't even see properly because of the tears in his eyes as he looks at the hollow fabric. When he recognizes the scent dispersed by the blowing wind, he ceases to control himself. While burying her face in the jacket and crying, her nose aches for the scent of apples that integrates with vanilla. He wants what radiates from her skin, not what it looks like on a piece of cloth. He wants his mom.
Here smells like you, but you are not in. You are everywhere, in my every word. Everywhere smells like you, sometimes your voice comes to my ears… If you were with me, no one could break my heart, no one could make me sad. But now you are so far away that my voice is not enough to make myself heard, nor my hands reach out to hold your hands...
I'm not ready to leave you, mom, I'm not ready to live without you again. I won't be.
Her fear grows stronger every time the seconds turn 60. It is 14400 rounds. She can't reach her sister for 4 hours. She can't hold her hand even though she needs help.
"Which of you broke the vase?" Her mother's angry eyes slid from the pieces of historic porcelain to her younger sister.
"I did it, mother, I'm sorry."
Regina's little coffee orbs turned to her sister, opening her mouth to tell her not to do it, not take on her mistake.
"I was running, and I didn't pay attention."
"You won't leave your room for two weeks, Zelena!"
"But mother…"
"Shut up, Regina! Irresponsibility and carelessness always comes at a price, your sister has to learn."
Zelena's blue orbs adorn a smile on her lips as their mother calls for someone to tidy up.
"Why did you do that, Zel?"
"Don't you really want to go on the school theater tour next week? If you were punished, mother would never have let you."
…
Her heart throbs as the dining hall door opens. There is no room for a single mistake, she must remain calm, stick to the plan.
She can't help shivering when she meets the sharp dark eyes. God! How is her little angel dealing with this man?
"Miss. Mills, can you explain what you're doing in my dining room? Where is my wife?"
"I'm here on behalf of Regina, your majesty, she wasn't feeling well in the evening, so we took her to a secret clinic and had her examined. She asked me to pass on her apologies to you and you to forgive her for not being able to join you."
The wrinkles on Leopold's face deepen as he frowns.
"Are you sure no one saw it? I don't want unnecessary conversations."
"Of course, we kept the records secret."
"Good. When will she be back?"
"She will be with you tomorrow morning, my king."
He signals her to go out with his head, without contemplating further conversation. When the red-haired woman comes out of the hall, she releases the breath she was holding and walks away with fast steps. She still can't hide her panic while dialing the number she knows on her phone.
"Zel?" She answers in a tone she tries to hide, but she realizes she's crying.
"I got it. Don't let your mind stay here. Are you okay?"
She sighs as she struggles to breathe. Hearing her sister's voice increases her feelings even more.
"I am not."
"I'm coming to you, Regina."
"No. No, Zelena, please. I don't want to take attention."
"I can't bear you to be there alone."
"When my son was with his mother on his first birthday, watching them outside a window like a homeless person? I'm sure I can manage. Don't worry about me."
"We'll be fine, dear, I promise, it'll be over."
Regina doesn't like hospitals. If she stays for half an hour, she gets bored. She hates that disinfectant smell. She can't stand the cold.
The little one has been cold for four hours, she is not with her to warm her. She is disturbed by this smell, she can't bring a flower garden in front of her. She can't hold her off the goddamn table. She can't add her life to her life, can't save her.
"There's nothing you can do, don't blame yourself." She stopped counting the rounds of seconds when she heard a sweet voice next to her.
"I didn't realize she was threatened for months. How can I not be guilty, Mal?"
"You sound like you don't know Regina. If she doesn't want you to know something, you can't know."
"I should have known, I'm her older sister. I am her mother. I promised to protect her from everything, I promised we'd be okay. I shouldn't have let her lose her full happiness. I should have been more careful."
"Sometimes life goes over the promises we make. But you underestimate your sister's strength. I'm sure she'll get over it…"
It was what they had been waiting for hours that interrupted the morale talk. They had been writhing for news for a long time, they did not know how many times they had died and returned to hope again in this obscurity.
But now...
All they wanted was to stop time. They knew they wouldn't get half a situation notice this time, they would find out which direction their life was going to take -or might not go- from now on. They preferred to be frozen there, time not to run out, instead of getting bad news and their world darkening.
"We were able to repair the liver. As I said before, we had to take her right kidney. The trauma is also under control."
As they let out the deep breaths they were holding, they felt the world on their shoulders lift. Regina is alive! Everything is okay!
"Of course, it was very important for the surgery to be successful. However..."
Oh god, please don't go on!
"When all the blows to her body are combined, and we take into account the blood loss, we can't say for sure that she is out of danger."
The world is cut by invisible scissors as it is pulled up by a string. It's getting heavier on your shoulders than before.
"We will put her to sleep for a few days and keep her under observation. We will apply treatments to restore her resistance, we will wait for her to adapt. We can only understand if her trauma has caused any damage to her brain when she wakes up. You have to be patient."
"How many days will she sleep?"
"It will be decided according to the situation, it is not possible to say anything at the moment. She is being taken to intensive care, we will not take anyone with her against the risk of infection."
They thought they would never see her again. They thought that they would not be able to look into her loving eyes again, and be surrounded by the butterflies that burst out of her smile.
In her bed, she unconsciously lays. A smile doesn't adorn her face, the glint in her eyes is covered by her eyelids, her skin is pale, her lips, which are always red, have a near-white pinkness.
But there is hope despite everything, she can feel every single soul looking at her through the glass, she is fighting to get back to them.
When she opens her eyes in a bright light, she is sitting at the foot of a tree in the middle of a vast countryside.
Her eyes close involuntarily with the scent of spring filling her nose, allowing her mind to be occupied by her favorite flowers.
"Regina!"
Her chocolate eyes appear again through her lashes. She looks around to see who's calling out to her, but can't find anyone. She leaves the tree she was leaning on and stands up.
She is wearing a light blue thin summer dress that keeps up with the atmosphere. The ends of the ribbon of the fabric tied above her breasts reach down and flutter in the gentle wind.
Her long wavy hair flashes before her eyes as she turns around to look for someone.
"Mom!"
A small voice calls out closer than before. Mom?
"Henry?" She pulls her brown locks from her face and tosses them back from her shoulders. She feels warm, delicate lips on her shoulder, where her hair has emptied.
"Robin?"
"We are here, my love. Where were you?"
As she turns her direction, little arms wrap around her legs and he screams the word that melts her heart again. "Mom! Take me."
"My baby! Did you miss your mommy?"
His big hazel eyes sparkle on his little face, and he shakes his head, then raises his hand holding the elegant crown of flowers that the young woman hadn't noticed before.
"We made a gift for you. Spring Queen crown!"
"Oh honey, this is the most beautiful crown I've ever seen. Will you wear it on and honor me?"
Henry's little hands place the crown on his mother's head, and she leaves a kiss on her son's cheek.
"Thanks, my little prince. You are the most perfect gift a queen could ever wish to have."
While the little boy hides on his mother's neck, his father wins a kiss too. "You too, my love."
The man sticks his nose in the hair of his wife, he thinks this is the only scent that will leave behind what is scattered from the countryside. He straightens the crooked crown and kisses her hairline.
"We thought we lost you." He wraps his arm around her slender waist and guides her as she walks. "You went to pick flowers, you were gone for two hours."
"I was sitting to rest, I fell asleep." She runs her fingers through her son's messy hair. "You will never lose me, darling. I will always be with you."
All three of them hold each other tightly as if their lives are connected.
Notes:
I dragged you into dream world. I really like this.
I wanted to tell you how Regina's loved ones feel about her, they are really scared of losing her. I think I'm a bad person, oh...