Thanks to all of you who took the time to review my story!
AN1 2020-08-21: Chapter now betaed by Miette, no plot changes but some scenes were added or developped for better coherence with the rest of the story.
AN2 2020-12-10: Huge thanks to dstone12 who kindly offered to proofread my story for the mistakes Miette and I don't catch as non-English native speakers.
That summer had been hard, reflected Severus as he riffled through several memories. He had been surprised to receive an owl minutes before boarding the Hogwarts Express telling him he would have to go back home on his own. Mother usually came for him, even if they took the bus to go back home, so they could talk about his year without disturbance from his father.
When he arrived home, he found Mother much too thin and sporting bruises of different shades. Her economies had not lasted the year, and with Father taking more and more from her potions revenues, she had barely scraped by in the last two months to feed his father and herself. Father had hit her more frequently because of this even as he ate his fill, leaving her the crumbs.
During summer, Father often ranted about Severus not earning his share but still going to his special expensive school. It made Severus fume as his father still had not found another job and squandered the money his wife and son had earned. He sometimes dreamed of getting back at his father but knew he was no match physically. He learned that bitterly when he tried a few times to intervene when his father hit his mother and ended with a battered body and Mother cowering in a corner. She did not dare argue any more and Severus did not dare use potions on his father for fear of what he would do to them afterwards. As much as he loathed him, he could not bring himself to dose his father with a lethal potion.
Instead, Severus began working on stronger and more difficult healing potions. They normally required expensive ingredients but he was determined to create one he could brew in quantity for Mother. Potions had always been a pleasure but this summer, they became an absolute necessity. He and Mother brewed a lot, Severus handling the more difficult potions to let Mother rest and relax as much as she was able to. Severus asked her once why she had not used magic on her husband and was horrified to learn that during one of his drinking fits, Father had managed to break her wand when Mother had tried to defend herself. Since then she was at his mercy, Father knew her pride would not let her ask for help. It also meant she had to do the menial tasks the muggle way, cutting into her brewing time.
By the end of July, Severus had earned enough money for the family to have proper meals while giving Father enough to make him happy, thus lessening the beatings.
He asked Mother to flee to the Wizarding world when he went back to Hogwarts. There, she should be able to live with the money they had earned during summer while she looked for a job, since in his mind, nothing could be worse than remaining here with his father. To his shock and surprise, her only answer was to slap him for the first and only time of his life. He never broached the subject again that summer.
Severus shook his head to himself as he watched her angry reaction. To this day, he did not understand how love could have enslaved Mother to the point of chaining her to his father no matter the man's behaviour toward her. To think last Christmas she had… No, he was watching his memories in order. He needed to be methodical in his analysis.
The next memories were no happier.
His depressing home situation was amplified by Lily's absence. He had already been disappointed when she did not share his train compartment for the ride back home at the end of the year. Then she spent half of summer at another friend's house so he could not escape and see her as much as usual. He went to the park on his own a few times but ended up brooding.
His only respite came from Jonathan's and Evan's letters. He had again not been able to visit them, fearing for Mother. Instead, they wrote to each other regularly. He did not know how they managed it, but their owls always delivered their letters when Father was not around, and when he had written his reply, he only needed to open his room's window to have them come in.
Severus sometimes longed for an owl of his own—or any pet in truth—but knew he would have to wait until he had proper work after graduation to afford one. His friends' letters kept him apprised of any important news or rumours concerning the Wizarding world. Severus was grateful, especially when it became clear the state of wizarding politics was evolving quickly.
Hi Severus,
I hope you are enjoying your summer and not studying too hard, Jonathan told me to remind you we have school for this!
I am still in France with Aunt Amelia and the cousins but Father came back to England in haste. From what I gathered, Lord Voldemort is going to formally call for a vote of no confidence. Father said he had enough support, mainly among the older Pureblood lines, to win it and unseat the current Minister of Magic, which means new elections next year. Father said the calendar was moving faster than predicted because of the latest propositions and counter-propositions from the ministry and Lord Voldemort.
Lord Voldemort made several proposals that were all refused by the ministry but which were very popular, among Purebloods in particular. First, he proposed to have the same rules applied to Muggles as Wizards concerning children, meaning muggle parents would depend from wizarding law for everything concerning their kids. To complement this, he renewed the demand from Lord Malfoy to have Purebloods sponsor Muggleborns and Halfbloods. I can tell you Father was enthusiastic and he began meeting with other Heads of Pureblood Houses more frequently from then on.
Lord Voldemort submitted another proposal that raised an uproar in the political spheres. I don't know what you would think of it but he proposed to improve creatures' rights. He still wants them to register as they do now but in return, the ministry would help them find a job. They would propose to the potential employers the means to be safe: for example, they would freely provide potions that lessen Veelas, Faes or Vampires effects on the human minds, or they would provide monetary support in exchange for a werewolf not working the three days of the full moon. Lord Voldemort even proposed to fund safe houses for the working Werewolves where they would be locked away from potential victims but also safe from hunters. You know the ministry's stance on this; they were very much against it.
The ministry even added Vampires to the list of creatures that need to register with the ministry. They said it was because all creatures that can pass for humans must be known, in order to protect them from others and to protect others from them if needed. Werewolves, Veelas, Elves and Faes amongst others were already on the list but Vampires had managed to escape it thanks to their economic assets and their political allies. It was not enough this time and now, it is rumoured their Family's leader is supporting Voldemort and his petition for the Minister's removal.
In the same vein, the ministry also refused a proposal by Lord Rowles who wanted to allow creatures to work without having to inform their employer of their condition.
I think what finally made the Purebloods rally behind Lord Voldemort for the motion of no confidence was the ministry's proposition to create a magic school for Muggleborns between 6 and 11 to prepare them for Hogwarts. As you know, Purebloods are actually taught at home by tutors or family members, as you were. So the ministry does not want to allow Purebloods or Halfbloods in it as it would cost too much and they say that we have the means to teach our offspring. Father was livid, he ranted and shouted that we would pay for this school but never be allowed to attend it. He even broke Grand-Mother's favourite vase but thankfully, we managed to reparo it, also it is a bit tilted now.
No more news for now, but I think this year will be important for us on many points. Do not forget to write back because you are too caught up in your cauldrons.
Later
Evan
This letter, and the others that followed in the same vein, had set high hopes for Severus who envisioned his father subdued by Wizards and taken to prison, allowing Mother and himself to live happily together. This Lord Voldemort had seemed more and more admirable, with his willingness to fight for those who could not defend themselves, even remembering Halfbloods in his proposals.
Yes, Severus knew you needed to be cautious of people that offered you what you dreamed of. Nonetheless, he did not discern any catch for now and allowed himself to dream when he was alone at night.
When the time came for Severus to leave for Hogwarts, he was relieved but tired and concerned for Mother. Most of his August income had gone to Mother's secret stash to help her while he was at school. Severus' second year clothes still fit so he had sadly forgone the purchase of newer ones and only bought the strict minimum required on his Hogwarts' list, mainly his elective books because his were not the same as Mother's. Following Lucius' advice, Severus was taking Arithmancy, Care of Magical Creatures and Runes. All three could be applied to potions: for example, you could use runes to enhance one, stabilize, or secure potions. Arithmancy could help determine when to harvest an ingredient so that it would be the most effective for one particular potion and Care of Magical Creatures could help obtain body fluids and parts from creatures without risking evisceration or another painful death.
Severus went to King's Cross station on his own, not wanting Mother to risk reprisal when she came back home. He had stocked her with his strongest healing potions but he did not know if she would have enough. He vowed to find a way to help her from Hogwarts.
Severus felt a surge of pride as he watched his younger self take his courage in both hands on the second day of the year, after classes were over, and knock on Professor Slughorn's office.
Young Severus had a plan to get the man to give him a space to brew potions for Mother. It was risky because it relied on his friends' assessment of his capabilities which he thought vastly exaggerated, however he would use it to reach his goal. He only needed Slughorn to believe they were right.
He had been careful to wait for his Head of House to be alone and without other potential visitors in sight, not wanting to be interrupted or denied because someone more important than him showed up.
"Come in."
Severus did not sneer when the welcoming smile on his Head of House faltered as he spotted him. He knew he was not the man's favourite but he was the best in his subject.
"Good evening Professor."
"Good evening Mister Snape. What brings you to my office for the first time since you started here at Hogwarts?"
Severus knew he could have to ingratiate himself with the Professor by coming to fawn over him during his office hours or by asking him questions on potions to demonstrate the depth of his understanding of the subject. He could have shown him his recipes using muggle ingredients, as well as the recipes he had improved. But Severus had neither the ambition nor the desire to play the political game. He knew and did enough not to be a pariah among his House, but he did not relish the game as much as most did. It might cost him tonight.
"I would like to discuss my options for the future with you Professor," explained Severus quietly, looking Slughorn right in the eyes.
"Isn't it a bit late to discuss your optional courses, Mister Snape? I did not see you at the information meeting last year," answered Professor Slughorn, smile now gone.
"I followed Lucius' advice to choose my options," replied Severus, intentionally dropping the Malfoy's heir's first name in the conversation to catch Slughorn's attention.
He wanted to roll his eyes as Slughorn subtly straightened at the realisation Severus was close enough to Lucius Malfoy for him to give him advice.
"Lucius Malfoy counselled you on which courses to follow this year?" said his Head of House with a speculative glint in his eyes.
"Yes Professor," answered Severus casually, as if receiving advice from the Malfoy's heir was nothing unusual for a third year when said heir had left the school two years ago.
"Very well. What options do you wish to discuss if not your current chosen courses?"
"I aim to become a Potion Master grade I," stated Severus seriously.
His Head of House looked at him appraisingly.
"Potion Master grade I. I cannot fault your ambition. However, few achieve this rank. What makes you think you can?"
He could not botch this.
"I am aware Grade I is rarely awarded in the Potion field, and I know no recent potion has been truly revolutionary and brought a breakthrough of the like of the latest healing charms or the transfiguration spells applied to building. For these reasons Potions are considered by many as lesser Magic."
Slughorn himself was a Potion Master grade I but he had not published an innovative potion for twenty years despite his access to Hogwarts' resources.
"True," agreed Professor Slughorn. "Why would you be different?"
"I believe I have mastered my current year curriculum. I am already capable of brewing potions from Hogwarts' fifth year book on my own."
According to Mother's books, he was already up to the seventh year's potions.
Slughorn frowned as he took out a notebook from his desk and leafed through it.
"Your grades are high but you were behind Miss Evans in last year's ranking."
Severus had to clench his hands not to retort immediately. He was not part of the Slugh club as he was neither influential in school nor had powerful family members. The few times he had been at the club parties was when Lily had brought him. She was a member because like every teacher, Slughorn was under her spell and saw a bright future for her with powerful connections. She was also his star pupil. Severus knew he was the better potioneer but Slughorn was biased and often gave her a slightly better grade, even when they worked on a project together.
"Indeed. However, being Potion Master grade I requires more than knowing how to follow a recipe. I believe I can go further than just following recipes if I work hard and if I have the means to practice and experiment. I would not have approached you if Lucius did not agree with my assessment."
Slughorn looked at him knowingly and Severus hid a wince as he realised he had not been as subtle as he should have.
"What were Mister Malfoy's exact words to you when you asked for his assessment of your skill?"
Severus had never asked for Lucius' opinion on his brewing skills, however he could truthfully answer Professor Slughorn if he quoted Lucius from their first conversation.
"He said I was a Natural."
Slughorn was a Slytherin, he knew how to control himself, yet he had obviously not expected this answer. He leant back into his chair, tapping his fingers together, silent as he pondered Severus' words.
"What would you require?" finally asked his Head of House.
"A private lab, access to the ingredients and brewing instruments I require and the freedom of experimenting, developing my own potions," answered Severus, fighting not to rush out his words as he felt hope rising in his chest.
Slughorn nodded slowly.
"Ingredients can be costly, I will need to approve what you will use. And I would need to supervise you."
Severus barely managed not to grimace. He did not need a babysitter watching over his shoulder. He could not take the risk to have Slughorn steal his ideas.
"I don't want to impose on your time Professor," answered Severus, trying to find the right words to convince Slughorn he could manage on his own. "I know how to brew safely, so you really don't need to be present. However, as you will sign on the Hogwarts' ingredients and materials I will use, you can also make sure I am not using dangerous combinations."
There was no harm in letting Slughorn know which ingredients he wanted to use since he would also collect some from Mother. Slughorn would never expect Severus to use muggle ingredients and Mother could get many for free. She would send them to him back through the Hogwarts' owls he would send her with a list of what he needed. He would have to be careful not to send too many so as not to anger his father.
He would also need to be careful not to brew advanced potions at the beginning until Slughorn lost interest in Severus' brewing.
"It could work," agreed Slughorn. "If you are able to brew safely."
"Test me," replied Severus, a hint of challenge in his voice.
He was so close.
"Yes, I believe I will test you. But not today. Let me see… Report on Friday afternoon at five o'clock."
On Friday, Severus spent several hours under Slughorn's watchful gaze, performing whatever tests the man deemed necessary to grant him access to a private lab. Slughorn first asked him to brew several potions, some with an incomplete or wrong recipe to see how Severus would handle it. Then he tested him on spells used to vanish or contain potions gone wrong as well as shields to protect himself should a potion explode. Severus breezed through it all and Slughorn, impressed despite himself, allowed him access to a small private lab protected by a password set by Severus that could only be overruled by a teacher. Of course, Slughorn warned him that at the first incident or if his marks in other classes suffered, he would revoke this privilege. The Professor also forbade him to bring anyone else to the lab because distraction could easily lead the best potioneers to make fatal mistakes.
For the first time Slughorn really took notice of him and officially invited him to join the Slug club. While he had no plan to attend, it made Severus' chest swell a little to finally have his talent recognized by a Master of the field.
From then on, when his workload allowed it, Severus brewed potions he sent to Mother to sell. Jonathan and Evan had to insist several times for him to take breaks and enjoy himself. They even took turns checking he was in bed at eleven. It did not prevent Severus from studying in bed but it was harder to resist sleep in the comfortable four-poster bed than in a chair or on the floor. He was very careful not to let his marks suffer from his brewing sessions. Between the new electives, Transfiguration, his other schoolwork and Mother's potions, Severus was clearly stretched thin and his temper—which had never been the nicest—was suffering from it.
To make it worse, Severus' third year at Hogwarts was a bad re-enactment of his second year. The state of his clothes and hair was worse. The pranks the Marauders pulled on him were worse, often humiliating and bordering on cruel. It was more difficult to ignore them in his sullenness and tiredness. Severus retaliated several times with nasty curses toeing the lines of the Dark Arts he had studied in Mother's books and had the satisfaction of gaining the upper hand several times, especially as Jonathan and Evan took to walking with him almost everywhere when they noticed he was being targeted.
The pranks hurt even more because Lily, his first staunch supporter, had several times scolded him for hurting the Marauders in defence from a prank instead of going to a teacher.
"Come on Sev, they only changed your robe in pink, you did not need to break Sirius' arm!" exclaimed Lily.
"You know I did not mean it," said Severus defensively.
"But you knew the spell you used could hurt him, don't deny it! And I don't even know that spell, where did you find it?"
"It was in one of Mother's books," replied Severus, carefully omitting it was a dark spell according to the ministry. Mother had warned him to be careful with it. It was meant to hurt an enemy as much as he had intended to hurt you, but as a sacrifice it made you feel the pain you inflicted to your victim. Severus had thought it worthwhile in this case, but he had been surprised Black had wanted to hurt him that much. The pain had been intense but brief, and nothing more than what Father had already inflicted him. At least, he had had the satisfaction of making Black yell.
"And I was only defending myself, why are you always on their side?" he asked angrily, hurt by her lack of concern for him.
"Sev, they only pranked you and you attacked them," said Lily. "Why can't you go to a teacher or prank them back instead of hurting them?"
"Because you think they don't hurt me," exploded Severus. "It's not just a prank when every day, they either pour a liquid over me, ridicule me by changing my clothes or cast what you call inoffensive spells on me to make my voice higher, my toes bigger or what else... And the teachers don't care, most give them a lecture and a pat on the heads for a well thought out prank and a clever use of magic."
He was breathing so hard his ears were ringing.
"They even sabotaged some of my transfiguration practicals because they know it's my weakest subject," he added bitterly.
"You are exaggerating Sev," said Lily. "They have not put spells on you like that since September, and they prank everyone in good fun. I really don't see why they would sabotage your transfiguration practicals as you're last in our year. It's true they ruined your book last year but they thought it had a protective charm on it like every other schoolbook."
Severus looked at her, not comprehending why she defended them so fiercely and hurt by how she matter-of-factly dismissed the sabotaging of his hard work because anyway he was not good at it. In truth, his efforts were beginning to pay. He was still among the last but improving, and more importantly, he was beginning to make sense of the subject in its totality.
Not wanting to show how much he hurt because of her words, he said in his best icy voice:
"You do not see them cast spells on me any more because I learned several protective charms that are usually enough to deflect their spells. I had to place protective charms on all my belongings to prevent them from ruining or stealing them. I am their favourite target and you don't care. Now go have fun with your precious Marauders and leave me alone."
He would have run, if not for his pride. He contented himself with quickly walking away to the lake, keeping his tears inside by thinking about Father. There he sat, brooding over his sorry life and plotting his revenge on the four boys that made his life at school hell.
After what felt like hours, someone sat beside him.
"Sev, I'm sorry."
He did not want to look at Lily. She was giving him up for them.
"Sev, it's just... I don't recognize you this year. You are so execrable, you get angry at any little thing and you almost only say snide and hurtful remarks... I worry you know."
The older Severus sighed wistfully. He had been so in awe of Lily, his first friend, that he had curbed his most sarcastic, impatient and revengeful tendencies around her. In third year, he had not been able to, even for her, as he had relied mostly on instinct to go through his days in a perpetual state of tiredness and aggressiveness. Lily had been shocked because she had never really seen this side of him while Evan and Jonathan had known and guessed more about him before. He supposed Slytherins were more used to looking behind the mask… And they were greatly amused by his dark sense of humour.
After this scene, Severus was still partnered with Lily in potions and they studied together from time to time, but he felt her drift away.
It did not help that their first visit to Hagrid after the dispute went wrong because he overreacted. Severus cringed as he watched the memory unfold.
"Come on Sev, we visit Hagrid together every month, you know he will be disappointed if you don't come," whined Lily.
Severus looked at her, torn.
"Lily, I need to brew for Mother and I still have an essay for arithmancy."
"It's due next week Sev, you have time! And you need some fresh air instead of remaining cooped up in your lab," said Lily firmly.
It was the first time she had come to him to do something fun since their last argument, so Severus let himself be tempted. Plus, he genuinely liked Hagrid even if he remained cautious around the huge man who did not know his strength.
"Alright, let's go, but we won't stay too late."
"Yes!" shouted Lily.
She eagerly took his hand to drag him to Hagrid, making his heart flutter.
They were almost there when they heard a deep bark. Looking in the direction of the sound, they saw a big dog running toward them. Lily yelped while Severus reacted and cursed the wild animal. It stopped and crumpled, whining in pain, just when Hagrid arrived shouting:
"Down Fang, don't scare the kids away Boy!"
Hagrid stopped when he saw the scene then ran to Fang, worriedly looking him over. Severus realized he had just hurt the gatekeeper's pet—honestly, he should have known—and awkwardly came closer to the beast with Lily.
"Hagrid, I'm sorry. I thought it was attacking us."
Hagrid sniffled.
"Of course he would not, he just wanted to play, he's a young pup you know."
Severus shuffled his feet uncomfortably.
"I can heal him with the counter-curse if you let me."
Hagrid looked him in the eyes then nodded slowly.
Severus took his wand, muttering the incantation. At once, the dog stood up and went to hide behind Hagrid fearfully.
"Thank you Severus. I'm sorry kids, but I think it would be better if I took care of Fang now, to reassure him."
"Of course Hagrid," said Lily quickly. "We understand. And we're really sorry."
He smiled and looked at Severus sadly.
"Severus, I know you did not mean to hurt him, you're a good boy. Come back later, and I will make sure to introduce the both of you properly."
Severus gave him a grateful little smile, relieved that the Half-Giant was not angry with him. But Severus never went back. Lily had been angry at him for hurting another innocent, giving him the cold shoulder for several days, and he had been so ashamed he had not dared go back to Hagrid's on his own. Then it was too late to go, or so he felt. Now when they ran into each other, they were both awkward and ill at ease.
Following the incident, Lily began spending more time with Lupin. She had told Severus he was a nice, quiet and shy guy, and a very good studying partner who had a lot more patience than Severus. When Severus took offence at him belonging to the group that targeted him again and again, she told him Remus was not like the other three and repeated that anyway, it was only pranks.
Severus seethed at this and took to watching Lupin as much as he did Potter and Black, the worst of the Marauders in his mind. He observed that Lupin got sick a few days every month, often missing classes for at least two days during this time. He had known he was sickly but had not realized it happened so often. It aroused Severus' suspicion because it just could not be natural and in his spare time—rare as it was—he began searching for the cause of this illness.
Fifteen year old Severus shivered. If he had known what would happen when he began analysing Lupin... He still had nightmares about it, even if Occlumency helped.
The end of third year was marked by the Minister of Magic election, the vote of no confidence having been obtained in October. The school had been buzzing, the older years taking a keen interest in it and Slytherin impatiently hoping for Lord Voldemort election as Minister of Magic. Many pureblood Heads of Houses had aligned themselves with him among all four Houses of Hogwarts, and it gave life to many passionate debates.
Muggleborns were of two minds about it: some liked the idea of the sponsorship, others like Lily thought it would give too much power to the Purebloods by formatting the young Muggleborns' minds before they were old enough to have their own opinion. Personally, Severus thought most of the Hogwarts students had no mind of their own from first to seven year so it would be no loss. He also admitted deep within himself that he would have loved to have a sponsor to escape his home life more than he had been able to.
Severus sometimes caught himself imagining his life under Lord Abraxas Malfoy's sponsorship, researching and practising magic as much as he wanted to, exploring the magical world, meeting with Lucius and his wizard friends during the holidays without fear of his father... Each time he ruthlessly squashed these thoughts but they were traitorous in the hope they offered and sneaked on him when he was not expecting it.
To Severus' utter disappointment, Lord Voldemort lost the elections for Minister of Magic by a few voices. Minister Birkins was re-elected but many whispered accusations of cheating. Lord Voldemort asked for an inquisition on the vote but was denied by the Wizengamot, presided by Hogwarts' Headmaster. Some students reported rumours of several riots in London to protest against this decision but the Daily prophet made no mention of it and there was no announcement from the ministry on the matter. Severus left Hogwarts disgruntled, like most of Lord Voldemort supporters.
Severus sighed. The loss of the election had been the beginning of tensions in school. It started with the Marauders and a few others mocking Lord Voldemort's defeat and baiting the students known to support his ideas. Students from all houses had spoken in his favour but the mockery was concentrated on Slytherin students because Lord Voldemort had revealed in an interview that he had been sorted in Slytherin and was very proud of it. In the same interview he had extolled the virtues of ambition and cunning, the two main traits of any Slytherin according to him. The brave Gryffindors considered it more like flaws and the well-known rivalry between the two houses began to go beyond the will to win the House cup. Severus had thought it lucky that school ended only two weeks after the elections and that Ravenclaw won the cup—in part thanks to the loss of point from both Gryffindor and Slytherin for insults and pranks on each other during these last two weeks. It had meant going back home before the hostilities went too far.
Severus snorted. It could never be that simple.
Changing shelves, he went on fourth year.