Thank you to all of you who took the time to review, follow and favourite my story.
AN 2020/12/11: chapter betaed by the amazing Miette and dpstone12 :) A few scenes added or developped for better coherence with the rest of the story but no plot change.
Severus sighed as he watched the memories of the summer following his third year. They were quite similar to those of the previous one, with a thinner version of Mother, a drunker version of Father and a more sullen version of himself. He shook his head as his younger self surrounded himself with cauldrons, brewing as many potions as he could, Mother only managing the simplest potions. Her life at Father's side had not been kind to her. When Severus had come back home, she had struggled with the precision required to prepare the ingredients as well as the more physical tasks like stirring the potions. It had been no surprise to learn that she had not managed to brew as many potions this past year as the previous ones, and even Severus' Hogwarts' potions had not been enough to support his parents through the year.
Though 5th year Severus now knew Mother had not used all the money he had been earning but had keep some back for her special cache. He did not think he would ever understand Mother. That summer, he had tried once more to get her to leave to the wizarding world with him. They were making enough money with their potions that she could have found a small place for herself. Without her husband to drink most of her hard won scrimping and savings away, she would have been able to make a living for herself. Her reaction had been so extreme he had never evoked the possibility again. He had thought she was clinging to her pride, refusing to leave the Muggle she had given up everything for.
He knew better now, thought Severus bitterly. He knew but he did not understand.
Yet, this summer had also been very different from the previous one. Lily had been a constant presence by his side when he had ventured outside his brewing space to take a breath of fresh air in the park.
The hostilities of the last two weeks of their third year had been a benediction for their friendship. Lily believed in the right of having your own political opinion and had disagreed openly with most Gryffindors' attitude toward Lord Voldemort's supporters. She had kept reminding them they were only students and that it was no crime to have differences of opinion as long as it did not hurt anyone, but her protests had fallen into deaf ears. As a result, she had spent most of the last school week with Severus, Jonathan and Evan, and had even stayed in their train compartment during the ride back home.
Summer had not broken this trend. They had snatched moments together and talked as much as they used to. Lily had briefly broached the subject of his short temper but without the Marauders constant harassment, he had been a lot better so she had quickly let the matter drop.
Severus smiled wistfully as his next memory began unfolding. Their friendship had been tested that summer, and it had held. He had thought it would endure for years to come...
Severus was reading the last July edition of the Daily Prophet he had received from Evan. An interview from Lord Voldemort was on the front page and his declarations were as provoking as they were true, from Severus point of view. However, he doubted everyone would see it this way, especially the idiot Gryffindors, with Black and Potter topping the list.
Shocking declaration from the loser of the last Minister of Magic election, Lord Voldemort:
Lord Voldemort obviously took his close defeat as well as the following denied inquiry to heart. Today, he is toughening up his stance.
Reporter: Lord Voldemort, your demand of inquiry concerning potential cheating during the votes was rejected by the Wizengamot, led by your former Transfiguration professor. Does it feel like treason?
Lord Voldemort: Of course it does. I thought Headmaster Dumbledore would plead in my favour as he knows I do not make accusations of this importance lightly. To me, it is the proof that the entire government is corrupted, the Ministry as well as the justice instances. The pro-Muggleborns movement which Minister Birkins represents has taken hold of many key positions in our government. They do not represent the majority of the wizarding population but they have the power to do what they want, even compromising an election.
Reporter: Those are grave accusations. Do you have tangible proofs?
Lord Voldemort: I think the way the elections happened is proof enough. It shows that today Muggleborns cannot be trusted. Look at the actual ministry; they only care about their own sort. They know that Muggles are tormenting magical children but the muggleborn Minister doesn't want to act. I think they find it normal because of their upbringing. They were not taught like us that children are precious.
Also, due to their upbringing, Muggleborns are afraid of creatures and want to exterminate them. They began by having them all register, they restricted their possibility of employment by having them tell their potential employer they are different without offering ways to compensate for this.
To save our way of life, our culture, and to protect our children, I propose to integrate Muggleborns to the wizarding world from birth by taking them from their family and having them adopted by a wizard family. You should know Muggleborns keep less and less contacts with the muggle world as they grow older. Moreover, I do not want to allow Half-bloods to be raised in the muggle world. Most of them are abused by their family and we can do nothing because of our laws and because of our pro-Muggleborn current ministry.
Honestly, I think we should look up to the old Purebloods lines as an example and learn from them. I myself descend from Slytherin and his story helped me clear my vision of our world.
Reporter: You claim to descend from your own House founder. It is a claim that can bring you power if it is the truth. Do you have a family tapestry or Gringotts documents to prove it?
Lord Voldemort: I will not tell you more for now, except that I possess a family heirloom as well as specific magical traits related to Salazar.
Reporter: Obviously, I won't know more today, but you certainly aroused my curiosity. Thank you, Lord Voldemort, for your honest answers and for clearly caring about all wizard children. I think you gave our readers much food for thoughts.
Lord Voldemort: It was my pleasure and I hope your readers will think about the information I gave them.
This was the first interview from Lord Voldemort after his defeat. We are as eager to hear more from him as you, dear readers, must be after these declarations. Keep reading the Daily Prophet to know more soon.
Lord Voldemort had deliberately amped his game to shock, provoke, and hopefully make the readers question the world they were living in. Of course, reflected Severus with a wry smile, many had taken his declarations without a grain of salt. Others had refused to have their little world shaken and had thus only remembered the most outrageous statement of the Lord. The younger Severus had been prepared for Lily to be angry at Lord Voldemort and she had not disappointed him.
"Severus Snape!"
Severus winced internally, hearing the shout.
"Hello Lily. How are you this fine afternoon?"
"Do not play with me Sev. You supported this guy and now he's saying Muggleborns should be ripped from their family at birth. Who does he think he is? I told you he wanted to eliminate any wizard connections with Muggles. He wants us all to think that Wizards are better than Muggles. You'll see, soon he will propose to enslave Muggles to serve Wizards or worse! How can you support him?!"
Severus raised his hands in a gesture of appeasement.
"Come on Lily, you misread his words. Wait before shouting again, let me explain."
He took a deep breath, recollecting the speech he had worked on since he had read the interview to convince Lily of the Lord's best intentions.
"First, you need to know the real story of Salazar Slytherin in order to understand where his intentions come from."
Severus launched himself in the retelling of the founder's story as he had heard it in his first year, insisting on Salazar's reasoning for maintaining a distance between the two worlds.
"You see Lily, I don't think the situation has changed much. We would not be burnt at stakes, but I'm sure we would be caged in a laboratory for mad scientists to experiment and dissect," said Severus earnestly.
He needed her to understand and approve this.
"Let's be honest, Lily. Even the best Wizard would not last long on his own against several trained Muggles."
They did not even need to be trained. His father had disarmed Mother easily enough.
He watched her intently while she digested the information in silence. She sighed and he felt his stomach drop.
"Sev, I can understand why it would appeal to you. I'm not totally oblivious, I know your home life is not perfect even if you never talk about it. But you must keep in mind your case is not the rule. Look at me, my family is great with Magic. I had Hogwarts' friends at home for the holidays and even spent time at theirs. Mum and Dad are proud of me."
"What about Petunia?" blurted Severus.
Lily frowned a little.
"Well, you know she's jealous because she does not have Magic but she would never hurt me."
Severus did not say anything, recalling the times Lily had come crying because of Petunia's jealousy. You did not need to hit someone to hurt them, he knew it all too well.
He knew it even better today.
Watching this conversation, Severus wondered if Lily truly understood the stakes. She was a lucky Muggleborn, loved by her family, sorted in Gryffindor and well-liked by her teachers. She had lived a sheltered life. Clearly, she thought that her situation was the rule. If he showed her it was not the case... If he truly told her of his homelife… Would she consider being friends again? Would he be able to consider her his friend if she only pitied him? If she required him to bare his soul to accept him?
Severus pushed the thought aside as he focused back on the conversation taking place in his memory.
"The point is, Severus, that you cannot take a child from his family in the hypothetical case they will hurt him. Muggles cannot be guilty because of what their ancestors did. I also stand my point that it sounds like Lord Voldemort wants to impose Slytherin's way of thinking to us."
Severus shrugged.
"Why would it be so bad? At least, the children would be safe."
"Sev," said Lily compassionately, "I agree something should be done to protect children hurt by their family, but not this way. I could not stand to live in a world like this."
"Lily, you know he was less extreme when he presented himself to the election. I think he wants to provoke people because of the cheating that happened and the Wizengamot's reaction. He only wants the best for the Wizarding World and I'm sure he would be good for all of us."
Lily huffed.
"He did not give any proof of this cheating."
"Because the inquiry was denied!" exclaimed Severus.
Taking a deep breath, he looked her in the eyes.
"Lily, you know I would never hurt you. And I would never support someone who would want to hurt you. Trust me on this."
She sighed.
"I know you would not hurt me Sev, at least not on purpose. But he could be deceiving you, you know. Who says his last declarations are not what he really thinks?"
They remain in silence several minutes, each lost in thoughts. Severus had to admit Lily had a point. He had already wondered if Lord Voldemort could be aiming for even more conservative rules than taking muggleborns children from their blood family. But his friends' families believed in the man and they were no fools, nor were they crazy Purebloods like the Blacks. Lucius and his father believed in Lord Voldemort too. And so far, Severus did not see how Lord Voldemort could be worse for him than the current Minister.
Severus still agreed with his younger self. Merlin, he was even more convinced that the wizarding world needed Lord Voldemort. He had already implemented very important changes that had saved several children's lives.
Severus smiled sadly as Lily finally broke the silence in his memory. This time, she had been willing to trust him.
"Well," said Lily. "Let's agree to disagree for now and we'll see how it goes, right?"
Severus smiled slightly. It was more than he had hoped for.
"It's a deal."
Lily smiled back at him, making the sun shine brighter.
"Now Severus. We need to talk about the Marauders. Don't scowl like this. You need to stay calm and to find another way to respond than cursing them with Dark spells."
"I do not use Dark Magic," protested Severus.
Lily looked at him pointedly.
"I looked up the one spell I heard you say, Sev, the one which broke Sirius' arm, and it is classified as dark. Yes, you already explained about your mother's teachings. I've had time to think about it and from what you explained to me, I am even more convinced Dark spells should be outlawed. A magic which requires a sacrifice of any sort is not one I care for."
She paused, her green eyes full of fire, and Severus could not help but smile a little. When Lily was passionate about a subject, she committed herself totally to the argument and it was a sight to behold.
She glared at him.
"Sev I'm serious! And what's worse, you could be expelled! You really need to find another way."
It had warmed Severus to see Lily worried about him being expelled from Hogwarts. They had spent the rest of the afternoon and their next meetings plotting about getting back to the Marauders. Nothing really conclusive had come of it, except they had laughed a lot. For the first time, she had invited him to drive to London with her family to buy his school things and later to take the Hogwarts Express but he had refused, knowing her parents would not have liked it. Still, the intention had made him happy.
Severus smiled wistfully. They had been able to talk through their disagreement and put their friendship first that summer. How had it changed in only two years?
He had left for school feeling hopeful. Mother had once again hidden money in her cache and had taken on a few pounds, even if she was still too thin for his comfort. The train ride had been peaceful. Lily had gone with her girl friends but he had not been disappointed. After this summer, their friendship had seemed stronger than ever and he had been happy to see his other friends. Once again, he had not been able to accept their invitation to visit during summer, but their correspondence had done as much as Lily to make his summer bearable. He had talked with Jonathan and Evan about their respective summer, Lord Voldemort and everything they could think of. They had not been disturbed except by the food trolley, seeing neither hide nor hair of the Marauders.
Yes, Severus thought as a new memory washed over him, the train ride had been the calm before the storm…
The sorting had just ended. Students were waiting for the usual Headmaster's command to tuck in but to their surprise, he stood up with a grave face.
"My dear students. My duty as Headmaster of your school is to warn you when I see a storm coming. It is my duty to warn you of dangers to come. I did not speak up last year because I hoped the problems I foresaw would disappear quietly. Alas, it was not to be," Headmaster Dumbledore paused, looking over the silent assembly who hung onto his every word.
Now that he was outside the scene, Severus saw several older students frown while others had the beginning of a smile on their face, as if they had guessed what was coming. Indeed, he should have guessed too, except he had been too busy with Lily, his friends and his family to think about the long term consequences of the aftermath of the elections. He had still been naive, even if it was hard to imagine.
"The elections for Minister of Magic caused some... tensions in our world. I know some people, maybe some of you, did not understand the Wizengamot decision to reject the demand of inquiry from Lord Voldemort. I must admit I was opposed to this inquiry. Not because I thought it would uncover some imaginary cheating from Minister Birkins' side, but because I know Lord Voldemort. I was his Transfiguration professor the seven years he studied at Hogwarts. Yes, I once was a professor before becoming Headmaster," he chuckled. "But let's not digress. I knew him by another name at the time, and I already knew he had a thirst for power and an ambition too important for the good of others. Lord Voldemort only wants power. He tried for Minister of Magic to obtain it more easily. Now that he has been thwarted, he is trying to cause disruption by his cunning declarations and to obtain power by another way."
He paused again then looked directly toward the Slytherin table.
"Please be careful in your choices, all of you but even more you who will graduate this year. I want you to know my door is always open for those who need advice. Thank you."
He sat back and immediately, the food appeared on the tables.
The great hall remained silent a few seconds before coming to life as the Headmaster's speech slowly sank in—or was quickly pushed away by most assumed Severus.
Slytherin was seething. The Headmaster had clearly made it known he considered the House to be a danger to the world when he had looked at them while saying the students needed to make the right choice. Notwithstanding the fact he had demeaned someone most of Slytherin had supported, he had painted a target on their back. Severus remembered the last two weeks of third year and groaned. Fourth year was heading downward to hell quickly.
Severus sneered at the memory-Dumbledore. He had known the Headmaster was biased toward Gryffindors when he always laughed at the Marauders' antics, but he had not thought he despised Slytherin until that moment. It was confirmed to him later in the year.
Following Dumbledore's speech, tensions had risen in school. Gryffindors had accused Slytherins of wanting pureblood supremacy while Slytherins had retaliated by saying Gryffindors were fool Muggle lovers and traitors to the wizarding world. It had quickly escalated into cruel pranks and fights on both sides.
Lily, great admirer of Dumbledore that she was, had questioned Severus again. However, none of them had been able to bring forward new arguments or facts to sway the other and they had renewed their agreement of disagreeing for now.
Sadly, both of their houses had begun pressuring them to forgo their friendship. Even Jonathan and Evan had told Severus that she was not good for him.
"Severus," said Evan. "I know you've known her for a long time and that you have a crush on her—don't deny it, it's obvious and the only reason for you to be so blind about her—but let's face it mate. She almost never spent time with you last year, except for studying—a very Slytherin move if you ask me, keeping in touch just enough to get help from the best—and during the last week of school. She will let you down again as she already did before."
"Yes," chimed in Jonathan. "You already told us she was bent on defending the Marauders, even when they are awful to you. Merlin, she is friends with one of them! Mark our words, she will break your heart sooner rather than later."
Severus laughed bitterly. That she had. If only he had listened to them, maybe he would not hurt so much. But now was not the time for self-pity.
To their friends' dismay, they had held onto their friendship, seeing each other more regularly again, mainly in a corner of the Library to avoid their peers' remarks. Even as the Marauders had focused on Slytherin as a whole, and Severus in particular, Lily had defended him when she was present. Severus had been pleased to observe that she had stopped saying the Marauders were just pranking him in good fun. He had admitted to himself that he was completely smitten with her, something he had refused to consider last year when she had been distancing herself.
Severus smiled fondly at his next memory. One proof that Lily had cared for him once, and might only need time to accept his apology and be friends again.
"That's enough Sev! Even if Potter had tranformed all your quills into dead worms, you have no right to talk to me this rudely!"
Severus held back a groan. He had not been sleeping well lately, turning and tossing in bed because his entire body ached for no reason. He was certain it could not be some kind of flu as he did not feel feverish. Though he was quite clumsy lately. Had he caught a weird magical sickness?
"Earth to Severus! Are you alright?" asked Lily, concerned as he stared back at her without answering.
"I'm perfectly fine!" snapped Severus irritably.
That was not the right answer. He distantly admired Lily' face as it became the shade of her hair, first sign of the rant to come. He felt a headache coming.
"I'm sorry Lily," said Severus, "I'm just tired. I should not have taken it out on you."
"You should not," agreed Lily, mollified. "You didn't sleep well? Did the other Slytherins bother you because of me?"
She was always so ready to blame his House. Even more now. Was she still able to see past the colours of his robes? They would still be friends if she had been sorted in another House than Gryffindor.
"They are no worse than your Gryffindors," answered Severus, irritated. "No, it's just that I can't seem to find a position to sleep that doesn't hurt."
"How long have you been sick?" asked Lily, the last of her anger making place to concern.
"I'm not sick," protested Severus. "I'm just… feeling under the weather. It will pass."
Lily shook her head vigorously.
"You are not suffering uselessly when Madam Pomfrey can certainly help you."
"I don't need to go to the infirmary."
He did not know why he was so adverse to the idea. Madam Pomfrey made no difference between the Houses. She was kind behind her no nonsense attitude.
"As if I was giving you the choice," answered Lily firmly. "Let's go."
He followed helplessly as she grabbed his hand and dragged him to the infirmary.
The Matron was alone when they arrived, doing the inventory of her stocks.
"Hello Madam Pomfrey!" greeted Lily brightly.
"Hello Madam Pomfrey," echoed Severus politely but with far less enthusiasm.
"Good morning Miss Evans, Mr. Snape," greeted the Matron back as she closed her cupboard to face them. "How may I help you today?"
This was another reason he liked her. She had not immediately assumed that he had been into a fight and needed some wounds treated.
"Severus is sick," explained Lily. "He can't sleep because his body hurts."
He half expected her to laugh at Lily's explanation, but she only nodded.
"I see. Please come here Mr. Snape, I need to measure your height and weight," said Madam Pomfrey as she took a parchment from her desk. His medical file if he was not mistaken.
"Let's see," muttered the Matron as she cast her spells. "Oh my, you've grown quite a bit, and without putting much flesh on those bones."
Her words were kinder than the few scarecrow insults tossed his way by Pettigrew and Black. He knew he was not good looking, going through puberty awkwardly when Potter was breezing through it, Quidditch star, muscles and all. How anyone could be in awe of the prat only for being good at flying a broom and throwing a ball into a circle was a mystery for Severus but scores of girls fawned over the guy.
In contrast, Severus had grown taller and skinnier during the last months.
Madam Pomfrey alternated between taking notes and casting another few spells before turning to him with a smile.
"I've got good and bad news, but mostly good news."
He hoped he agreed with her.
"Bad news first," said Lily firmly.
"There is such a thing as Patient-Healer confidentiality, Miss Evans," said Pomfrey with a pointed look.
It took a second for Lily to understand her meaning.
"Of course Sev, I'm sorry, I can wait outside if you'd rather—"
"It's fine Lily," interrupted Severus. "It's mostly good news so I would share with you afterwards anyway," he added, looking at the Matron expectantly.
She was looking at them with a fond smile, obviously amused by their byplay.
"Very well Mister Snape. The bad news is that I sadly cannot do much for your pains. You will have to bear with them stoically, for at least the two coming years if I'm not mistaken."
Severus and Lily shared an incredulous glance. How could she say she had mostly good news when Severus was going to suffer for two years?
"On the bright side, those pains should not bother you this entire time, they will come and go a few days at time. They are what we call growing pains. You are now on the median of your age group height chart when you were on its lower limit last year. You've grown up fast and your body is having trouble adjusting. I predict you will soon tower over me," finished Madam Pomfrey with a smile.
This was worth the pain. He had been among the smallest pupils of his year since first year and it would be nice to be the one who looked down on others. Already, he was the same height as Lily. He did not look like a midget following her. And she worried about him. It gave him hope she might be open to more than friendship between them.
Severus shook his head at his younger self. So hopeful. So blind. He was pretty sure Lily had never seen him as more than a friend. But at least, she had cared.
"But why can't you give Sev some painkillers? At least to help him sleep!" pleaded Lily.
Madam Pomfrey smiled gently.
"I understand that it's hard on your friend, Miss Evans, however, Mr. Snape's increased height is not the only cause of the pain. His magical core is also growing, and we must be very careful not to interfere with its growth. Growing pains are mainly a muggleborn affliction. Their Magic is stimulated by their lessons in Hogwarts as well as the constant contact with many other magical beings. Contrary to Purebloods who have been immersed in Magic since birth and thus have enabled a steady growth of their core, Muggleborns have seldom been in contact with other beings possessing Magic. Their core was isolated. When they come to Hogwarts, they have to make up for lost time. As Hogwarts years also correspond to puberty, the changes happening in their body can be too much too fast, thus the growing pains."
Lily frowned.
"But I'm a Muggleborn and I've not experienced growing pains."
The Matron nodded.
"Though they mostly affect Muggleborns, growing pains only concern a small number of them. Few studies have been published on the matter, and they have not established any rules about why one Muggleborn will experience growing pains while another won't."
He had been so focused on his future amazing height that he had not given much thought to the rest of Madam Pomfrey's explanation, reflected Severus. If he had to take a guess, he'd say that his advanced studying in several subjects as well as his intensive brewing had muscled up his core. Unless it had been the growing bond between his wand and himself?
Not that this had been of much help in his fights against the Marauders. Starting in November that year, they had managed to always target him when he was on his own, without Lily or Jonathan and Evan. Despite his admittedly wide knowledge of curses and spells, he had been hard-pressed to defend himself with three on one, the cowardly Lupin standing guard for the teachers.
He still did not know how they had done it, but he was certain they had found a way to know when he was alone and to locate him then. It had not been a spell on him because he had researched locating spells and their counters extensively. He had checked that no runes had been carved on his belongings even if he had doubted that Lupin would have had the nerves for it, and he was the only Marauder to have taken the class with him.
Severus sneered. Loath as he was to admit it, the only remaining possibilities were either a Potter or Black heirloom, or a spell they had invented. Whatever they were using, it had led to a fight he would not forget, in February of their fourth year.