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AN1-2020/12/20: Chapter now betaed by Miette and dstone12, thank you :)
Severus was running through the castle, fear clawing at his insides. His right hand clutched his wand so tightly it hurt but he did not notice.
His sole focus was to reach the Shrieking Shack in time to prevent Lily from going inside and face a werewolf.
Severus could not believe she had gone there without telling him. He could not believe she had only sent him a message to tell him she wanted to check by herself to see if he was right about Lupin.
It smelled of a Marauders' trap.
He knew he should not go but he did not know what they had told Lily to make her investigate on her own. He did not think they would let harm come to her, not with the way saint Potter behaved around her. But the idiots were capable of hurting Lily without meaning to.
Severus smiled bitterly to himself. He had been the idiot this time, too blinded by his fear for Lily and his contempt for the Marauders to calmly think through his options. The four Head of Houses had to have been aware of Lupin's condition, as well as Mrs Pomfrey in the eventuality she needed to heal him. Either Slughorn or McGonnagall would have taken action if he had shown them Lily's message. He could have avoided this whole mess if he had not acted like a mindless Gryffindor.
In her message, Lily had explained how to get past the Whomping Willow and its aggressive branches, another warning sign that screamed "Marauders! Let's not get there and return to the dormitory".
Sighting the violent tree, Severus slowed down, looking down its roots for the knot that he needed to press in order to freeze the tree.
The branches were agitated, slashing through the air with a shrilling sound. Severus approached cautiously, and pointed his wand toward a prominence that stood out now he had been searching for it.
"Flipendo."
Everything stopped. The place was now eerily quiet, only disturbed by Severus' breathing. Wand at ready, he made his way to the entrance now revealed.
It stank. The passage was damp and dark, the perfect picture of a horror movie Severus had once glimpsed on the TV through the window of a neighbouring house.
"Lumos", whispered Severus, careful to control the brightness of the light so that he could see where he went without blinding himself. He walked, as silent as he knew to be when wanting to avoid his father's notice. The one good thing his father had taught Severus, without meaning to, was to move soundlessly and even in this unknown place, it served him well.
Distantly, Severus heard a rumbling sound. He felt the hairs on his arms rise. His stomach dropped. Mouth dry, he pushed his fear into one of his mind's jars and accelerated, afraid the beast had spotted Lily. In his mind, he quickly checked the spells he had researched in case he had to fight Lupin in werewolf form. He also spared a prayer to Helhest, god of Thestrals, asking for his wand's cooperation.
Coming to a barely opened door, Severus slowly pushed it and came into the room.
The first thing he noticed was Lily's absence. Relief coursed through him, followed by a fear so intense he thought he would never be able to move again.
A Werewolf—Lupin he reminded himself—was in the corner of the room. Yellow eyes focused on him and white teeth glimmered in the darkness. It growled then dashed forward the frozen Slytherin.
Seeing the monster rush to him, Severus' body reacted when his mind was still processing the fear.
"Petrificus Lupinotum!"
The sound resonated in Severus' ears. Slowly, he saw the spell come out of his wand and knew he was lost. The spell was on target but it was weak. He cursed the inconsistency of the power in his spells. He cursed his wand who abandoned him in this moment of need. He cursed himself for not remaining in his dormitory.
All this went through Severus' mind while the spell hit the Werewolf. The spell should have immobilized it, giving Severus time to either get away or incapacitate it definitively. He did not fancy what would happen to him for killing Lupin and Lord Voldemort wanted to help all creatures so he had studied a non-harmful spell.
It did not matter anymore. The spell was so weak it only angered the beast. Severus saw the enormous white teeth close on him and he could not do anything.
Suddenly, he was on the floor. He could not move but the creature was not on him. He heard sounds of struggle close to him but could not even turn his head to watch. A howl iced his blood. He hoped Lily had not arrived and tried to save him. He could feel he was still holding his wand but did not manage to break the spell that immobilized him despite desperately trying silent counter-curses in his mind. So much time spent practising silent casting and it failed him when he most needed it. Or rather his wand failed him, he thought darkly.
Severus watched his memory-self pensively. He had been foolish not to learn at least one way of definitely incapacitating a Werewolf, but it might have been for the best in this case. With his luck, his wand would have worked perfectly this one time, and he knew Dumbledore would have found a way to make him the only one responsible for this tragedy. However, knowing that his spells were lacking power, he should have looked into potions or runes to stop those beasts. He had toyed several times with the idea of tracking Lupin's holding area during the full moon, to get some blackmail material over the Marauders and have them leave him alone. He should have created a potion to instantly put a Werewolf to sleep. It was not that hard.
Pushing away his recrimination, he watched his helpless self lie on the hard ground of the shack.
Seconds passed agonizingly slowly. Severus feared he'd be bitten at any moment. He raged at the thought of not being able to escape. He raged to forget the fear and the regrets for the life he had not lived yet.
The sounds came closer to him and he would have tensed if he had been able to. He felt something brush past him. It was the end.
But the sounds went away and all was quiet. He waited and waited but no sound returned.
"Snape."
Severus jerked his head toward the voice without thinking.
First, he saw blasted Potter. Second, he registered that he could move and scrambled to his feet, still clutching his wand. Potter had immobilized him. And third, the Werewolf was nowhere to be seen.
"Let's get out of here."
Shaken, not understanding where the Werewolf had gone, still seeing those teeth in front of him and oh so close to him, Severus followed Potter without uttering a sound.
They walked quickly and in silence, the night eerie around them. Severus' mind was blank. Occlumency did not help because his potion laboratory, his refuge, was barred by big white teeth and growls.
Finally, they reached the castle's safety. Releasing a breath he had not realized he had been holding, Severus felt his mind work again. Potter had saved him. How had he known unless... Severus did not have the time to finish his thought as the world went black.
Severus sneered at his memory-self. He had forgotten to watch his back, forgotten he was with Potter of all people, so frightened by the Werewolf encounter...
In hindsight, he supposed Potter had been erasing the Marauders' tracks to try and cover up for the... incident as Dumbledore would say. He was puzzled by the means Potter could have used to control the Werewolf—or rather fight it according to the sounds he had heard. Severus was also sure Potter had stunned him back in the shack to prevent him from harming Lupin. He could have died because of it. No one would have cared.
Potter came back and freed him from the spell. Severus had been ready to attack but was thrown by Potter telling him they should go to the Headmaster.
Severus shook his head at his memory self. Despite the Headmasters' previous actions, he had still believed the man would be fair this time as this was no school prank. He would not make the same mistake again.
They went in silence. Severus was not surprised when the Marauder knew the password to the Headmaster's office. He was a Gryffindor favourite.
After knocking on the Headmaster's door, they only waited a few minutes before the door opened on its own.
The Headmaster was behind his desk and bid them to sit down. Potter plopped down in his armchair with the ease of someone accustomed to the place. Severus awkwardly sat on the front of his, tightly holding his hands to prevent them from shaking.
For once, Severus noticed the Headmaster did not try for the grandfatherly image he usually wore before students. He scrutinized them without letting his thoughts show on his face.
Potter began talking before Severus could even think of something to say.
"Headmaster, sorry to bother you so late but we had a problem with Remus. I saw Snape going to the shack after curfew. I must admit I was coming back from the kitchens for a late snack. I knew he would find Remus fully transformed if he managed to pass the Whomping Willow so I followed him. When I arrived at Remus' room, the door was open and Snape was ready to curse Remus. I thought Snape was going to hurt Remus so I stunned him. Then I cast Petrificus Lupinotum on Remus like you taught me. I knew I would have the time to before he attacked Snape," Potter added hurriedly. "Then I used Levicorpus to get Snape out then closed the door before the spell on Remus ended."
Severus was stunned. It was so far from the truth he was speechless.
"Mr. Snape?"
Severus looked at the headmaster who was watching him expectantly. He had been so lost in his outrage he had missed Dumbledore's question.
"I am sorry headmaster, I did not hear your question," said Severus stiffly.
"It's okay my boy, I understand seeing a transformed Werewolf so closely can be traumatizing."
Severus shivered. Those teeth...
"Mr. Snape, I asked if you had something to add."
Severus steeled himself, knowing it was his word against Saint Potter's.
"I did not harm Lupin. My Petrificus Lupinotum had failed and the monster was almost on me when Potter stunned me. It left the room at some point because when Potter freed me, the Werewolf was not in the room anymore. But I was not levicorpused out of the creature's room," he snarled.
"It was not the same place Snape," intervened Potter. "I think you were quite out of it by then. We were in a room prior to Remus'."
"Perhaps the shock altered your memory?" suggested Dumbledore.
"It's not because I almost died that I'm crazy!" Severus burst out.
"Do not put words into my mouth Mr. Snape," said the Headmaster sternly. "It is known that shock can make someone confused about the happenings having a link with this shock. Now what I am curious to know is why you were going to the shack."
Severus explained how he had believed Lily was there and how he had though there was not enough time to warn a teacher.
The headmaster raised an eyebrow and turned toward Potter who was looking at the floor studiously.
"Mr. Potter? An idea why Mr. Snape believed Miss Evans would be there?"
Potter shook his head mutely, in negation or refusal to answer no one knew.
Suddenly, Severus understood. A cold rage seeped through him. It could only be...
"Minky!" called Dumbledore.
A house Elf appeared, bowing to the Headmaster.
"Would you please bring Mr. Black here?"
The Elf bowed and disappeared. A few minutes later, she reappeared with Black.
Black did not look like he had been woken up only minutes ago.
The arrogant Marauder looked around him, bowing slightly to the Headmaster and sneering at Severus who sneered back.
"Mr. Black. I asked you to come here so that you may shed some light on an interrogation I have."
"Yes sir," answered Black charmingly.
"Would you know why Mr. Snape received a word from Miss Evans stating she would be at the Shrieking shack tonight to check if Mr. Lupin was indeed a Werewolf?"
"Well, it was just a prank," shrugged Black. "Sniv… Snape has been spying on us for a long time and I overheard Lily yelling at him for daring to think Remus was a Werewolf. I thought if he saw Remus in Wolf form, he would be scared and stop spying on us."
Severus stared at the idiot.
"You did not think Mr. Snape could be hurt and infected in the process?"
"Well, no," answered Black. "I only wanted to scare him."
Severus was seething. He believed Black was too stupid to think of what could happen when you used a Werewolf to "prank" someone. However, he clearly saw that the Marauder did not care Severus might have been hurt or worse.
"You did not think Mr. Lupin might be expelled and even executed for hurting a student? Or for killing a student? I remind you Mr. Lupin's condition is a secret for a reason."
Black whitened. He clearly cared for Lupin and only now realized what could have been his "prank's" cost for the Marauders.
It should not have but to have his life so carelessly and easily dismissed—even by someone he despised—while the life of another clearly mattered hurt Severus more than he cared for. It hurt to the point the horror from the night was fading away, replaced by hurt and anger.
Severus shoved the hurt in a potion jar and focused on the anger, making the flames under the cauldrons of his mind grow bigger and bigger until potions fumes and fire suffused the entire laboratory.
Dumbledore watched his three students in silence, as if trying to gauge their mood. He turned toward Severus again, catching him unprepared and failing to lower his gaze on time.
"Mr. Snape. Would you be willing not to talk of this incident to anyone, for the sake of Mr. Lupin's life and education?"
At the same time the Headmaster finished his question, Severus felt a slight brush against his Occlumency shields. The brush faltered against the potions fumes then glided against them, looking for an opening that did not exist.
Fifth year Severus smirked. He had been outraged at the time by that second breach of privacy but now he was just proud to have blocked Dumbledore successfully. This was the only highlight of that night.
The Headmaster frowned, watching Severus as if trying to see through him.
"Mr. Snape. Mr. Black and Mr. Potter. I see no other choice than to ask you to take an unbreakable vow about tonight's events. I must protect every student of this school and Mr. Lupin deserves no less from me."
Severus was stunned. How dare he? There really was no end to the man's favouritism and bias. He was asking Severus, the victim, to never talk about the night he was almost killed because Black was a pretentious idiot and Dumbledore liked to play god by keeping a dangerous beast so close to his students?
Who did he think he was?
Enraged, Severus answered as calmly as he could in his coldest voice.
"I fail to see why I should take such an important oath to protect my almost murderers, Headmaster. And I still have not heard about measures to be taken to prevent a repeat of what almost happened tonight, nor about punishments."
The Headmaster did not answer but suddenly, Severus could feel the man's power and had to resist the sudden urge to cower under his chair. Dumbledore was surrounded by power, his eyes clear and cold piercing through Severus like a glaive.
"Do not presume to tell me how to run my school Mr. Snape. Tonight's prank was ill advised but meant no harm and nobody was hurt. I am protecting the only innocent and victim here, Mr. Lupin, whose only fault is to have been bitten as a child by a malicious person."
The power faded, and the Headmaster looked at him almost gently. Severus might have been swayed by his next words, so shaken as he was, but for his cold eyes.
"If my memory is correct, Lord Voldemort advocates strongly in favour of Werewolves' rights. I think he would disapprove of you having one executed."
Dumbledore leaned back in his chair, looking at Severus expectantly. Black was glaring hatefully at Severus. He might have been afraid if he had not already faced much worse that night. And for once, Potter looked lost.
Severus shook his head. Watching this memory, seeing Black's expression... He should have expected revenge. And he had for a time. But Black had spent so much time trying to make Lupin forgive him... And then Severus had been focused on his OWLs... And then...
Right, back to the memory.
Severus was furious. Lord Voldemort could go hang himself with Dumbledore, the Marauders and the others if he chose Lupin over Severus! But he would not, Dumbledore just wanted Severus to agree with the unbreakable vow.
"I fail to understand the need of an unbreakable vow on this matter. It is an engagement quite extreme just to cover up a... prank," said Severus, sneering on the hated word.
"If you do not, I will expel you from Hogwarts. I cannot in good conscience allow in this school a student who would lead another to his death. Mister Lupin deserves schooling as much as any other young man. Do not doubt that if it comes to this, there will be a sufficient motive to expel you. Your tale about a Werewolf will be seen as a tentative of revenge against Hogwarts, nothing more. And no other major school will accept you once the cause of your exclusion is known, I can be… creative when need be. You might pass your OWLs on your own but afterwards…" trailed off Dumbledore, eyes as hard as diamonds.
Severus wanted to throw up. Some said the Headmaster was merely blinded by his hate of Slytherins but this… Had not Black led Severus to his death? But he was not threatened with expulsion. Maybe because he was the heir of the important and deranged House of Black…
Severus struggled to keep his mind clear of his fear and hurt. He needed to pass his OWLs and NEWTs and beyond that to take care of Mother... and to have some hope of improving his life. He refused to live the same kind of life as his parents had. He needed someone to help him get out of this mess. Help…
"I want to consult my legal guardian for advice, as I am still a minor," said Severus, hoping the argument would work. At the beginning of his mentorship, Mother had agreed to give Lord Malfoy conjoint legal rights over her son in the magical world because he could act quicker than her if Severus needed an adult. He really needed one now.
"Of course my boy," answered the Headmaster genially. "I am sure Professor Slughorn will be happy to advise you."
Sensing Severus protest, he added with a pointed look.
"I remind you your head of House acts in loco parentis during the school year. Professor Slughorn is actually your legal guardian right now."
Severus wanted to knock the satisfied look from the old man's face. He wanted to punch the wall. He wanted to have remained in his dorm tonight. He wanted… his Mentor with him right now. But he would not be this lucky. Not tonight. Not ever said a little voice in his mind, sounding suspiciously like his father's.
This was another of his regrets, thought Severus as he looked at the satisfied look of the Headmaster in his memory. He had not anticipated needing to contact his Mentor in emergency while at Hogwarts. He had not looked up how the loco parentis of the Head of Houses truly worked. Because this had been a bluff. While the Heads of House indeed acted as loco parentis during the school year, parents and legal guardians did not lose their authority over their children and wards at the same time. Same children and wards had the right to ask for their presence during disciplinary matters or any other meetings with the school staff. Dumbledore had played on Severus' ignorance.
He wondered how the man would have acted if Severus had been able to quote the school rules back at him.
He should have done so many things differently that night… Even accept the presence of Slughorn. Now that he was more clear headed, he realised that his Head of House, for all his faults, would not have condoned submitting a minor to an unbreakable vow.
Shaking his head to himself, Severus looked back to see himself make one of the greatest mistakes of his life.
Resigned, Severus squared his shoulders.
"Very well. I will take your bloody oath."
"There is no need to be rude Mr. Snape. I will let it slide because of tonight's shock."
Severus glared at him but Dumbledore paid him no mind.
"Right Mister Snape. Repeat after me…"
"No," said Severus sharply, looking the Headmaster right in the eyes. "They will take the oath before me."
The Headmaster looked at him expectantly.
"Sir," added Severus through clenched teeth.
Dumbledore remained silent for what felt like an eternity to Severus but wisely did not insist and turned towards the two Gryffindors who—in Severus' opinion—looked far too comfortable considering the situation.
"Mister Black."
"Yes sir."
Dumbledore made a complicated yet beautiful motion with his wand on the wand of the Marauder before asking to repeat after him.
"I, Sirius Orion Black, swear never to talk of tonight's events to any person other than those present in this office tonight and Mister Lupin. Those events include the preparation of the prank for Severus Snape, the prank itself as well as the discussion in this office. So be it."
Black repeated the oath loudly. A blue lightning between his wand and Dumbledore's sealed the vow. Then it was Potter's turn.
While the Marauder took the oath, Severus was thinking furiously. What could he do to take the oath without it being binding? Mother always said Magic was mostly intent. His Mentor also stressed the importance of one's intention when casting a spell. All his professors did. Should he take the oath while focusing on how much it repulsed him? Maybe if he combined it with Occlumency…
"Mister Snape."
Dumbledore's words were like a cold shower.
"Your turn."
Quickly, Severus focused on his potions lab, flames still high from before. He focused on the fires. He focused on the fumes. He focused on his disgust, his fear, his repulsion, his refusal of this forced oath. He focused on the injustice of it all. He focused on his almost death. Then, struggling to keep all of these feelings in his mind, he took the oath.