Thanks for reading! Please don't hate me.
Beth soundlessly stepped back down the stairs and followed the path back to the intake house. The house, like all the others, was quiet, black behind the windows. Beta and Lydia went to bed hours ago. She was happy they seemed to be acclimating so well. It was still early on, but things were going well for them. Mission accomplished. That's why they came here to begin with. She got them here in one piece and they settled in well enough. She also got to see Maggie and Glenn.
It was time to head back, she told herself yet again. If she waited much longer it'd be too late to get the seeds started and plant the early cold crop. She couldn't just skip out on it. The steaks were too high. She couldn't risk going without food once winter hit. Winter always seemed to come faster and last longer than she remembered. It brought with it a sort of amnesia. You'd almost forget all the work that needed to be done to prepare for the next winter.
She let herself into the house. The quietude of the house rang in her ears and she wished for any sort of background noise to drown out the silence. She laid down on the couch, covering up with the quilt that was folded over the armrest. Bringing her knees to her chest she wound her arms around them.
It was like the hollowness deep in her chest was beating against her heart trying to fracture it into a hundred broken pieces. Where it had been filled with love and hope for her future, now was a pit of despondency. Tears clogged her throat. She didn't want to cry because she felt she had no right to those tears.
She had no business hoping Daryl would go back to the cabin with her, that he would leave his family now that they found each other. That he would choose her over them. These people were his family. Who was she? Just someone that helped him when he needed it. Just someone he'd been shacking up with for a few months.
She was no one to him.
"You gotta stay on now that we're all back together, you have to stay. We can really build something here."
Daryl nodded his head. "So y'all are statin'?" He asked for clarification, or to stall what was coming. He didn't know how he was supposed to feel. Never mind how he was supposed to feel, he had no idea what to do.
"Yeah. We are. I told Michonne we'd make this a secure place for her and the baby. I don't want the baby to go through what Judith did. Wandering around from place to place. No food, no shelter. We need this place and we need to protect it."
Daryl understood and agreed. The baby deserved a safe place. All the kids did. By some miracle, Judith survived and is growing up into a steadfast girl with a good heart and a good head on her shoulders. They got lucky.
"You know as well as I do this place needs help. Its walls alone are in need of major repair. It'd only take a few walkers to push down that back wall." Rick pointed in the wall's general direction.
"The guards are a joke. Most of 'em are just kids. Deanne has got a good grasp of the people but she's only one person and people are gonna be… people. Some are good but a lot are bad."
What Rick said was true. Daryl noticed as much when he easily jumped the wall. At that time, he didn't think it was his responsibility to fix it. Not my circus, not my monkeys, as Merle used to say. It wasn't his business. Wasn't his concern. Now it was fast becoming his concern.
"Just a few months ago a guy wormed his way inside. Negan was his name. He was bad news. He got past Deanna's inspection and charmed Denise. He quickly created a division between some of the people, himself and Deanna. It took us a while to get him out. A few people went with him. They didn't go without a fight and let me tell you, most of the people here ain't ready for any kind of fight."
"What do you think you can do about it?" Daryl asked.
"For starters, the walls need fixin'. And the people need training. If a herd of walkers came through they'd be screwed. It's unlikely that'll happen way up just good to be prepared. You know that."
Yes, he knew. That's how he got into trouble. He'd stopped being prepared. Stopped caring. Essentially, he'd given up.
"Deanna's gonna let you do all this?" He asked. He didn't know her well if, at all, she didn't seem like the type let just anyone in and change up her town.
He nodded. "Once I made her see the weaknesses, she agreed. I was hoping we would do all this," he said parroting Daryl's words back to him. It surprised him Rick didn't ask for anyone's permission to do anything. He might make it seem like he's asking when really he's telling you how it's going to be.
He looked at Daryl, his eyes piercing earnestly. Wanting so badly to convey the importance of what he needed to say and what he wanted to be done.
"Listen, I promised Michonne I'd make it safe here. I won't go back on my word. I lost it for a while, she was the one to bring me back. She and the baby, Judith. Carl. You. Y'all mean more to me than anything. I have to make sure everyone is safe."
This should be a no-brainer for Daryl. His place was with his family. Wasn't Beth his family too?
Rick went on, "We could really use your help. You know what you're doing when everyone else just kinda stands around with their hands in their pockets. You're the best man for the job."
In place of words, Daryl nodded, not knowing what to say to his best friend in the whole damn world. The idea of disappointing him weighed heavily on him.
After an elongated silence, Rick smirked, the corner of his lip lifting slightly. "What. "What is it?" He asked. "I know you 'bout as well as I know myself. You're holding something back."
Daryl couldn't make the words come. His tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth and he suddenly needed a drink of water. Or something stronger.
"Rick, don't be dense. There's something pulling him away." The voice caught their attention. They both turned toward Michone who stood at the archway that separated the living room from the foyer. "Or should I say, someone?"
Rick's eyes lit up, then his forehead lined with worry. "You're back hurting again?" He asked as he stood and went to her. She sighed, her eyes filled with affection but also discomfort.
"Yeah, can't sleep." She placed a hand on her lower back and stretched.
Daryl watched as Rick gently put his hand over hers on her back and guided her to the couch. He sat up making plenty of room so she could find a comfortable position. She sat this way then that way, clearly uncomfortable and Rick sat on the floor in front of her on the floor taking her hand in his, resting it on her thigh.
Their affection, their love for each other was palpable. It made Daryl miss Beth, though she was only a few houses away. He felt like the interloper he'd been when he first came across Rick and his group before forming their pseudo-family. Not that he didn't belong with them after finding them a second time. It was clear Rick and Michone were a unit and had a tighter bond now than ever before.
Once she was settled on the couch, they turned their attention back to Daryl. Waiting expectantly for him to explain himself. He cleared his throat and leaned forward, his forearms on his knees. "Michone's right," he admitted. He thought of lying. But that seemed wrong and a disservice to what he and Beth have.
The tips of his ears flamed red. It wasn't that he was embarrassed, this was just so out of the norm for him. "There's a girl," he said. He wiped the palms of his suddenly clammy hands on the thighs of his jeans.
"A girl?" Rick asked, a glint in his eyes. He wouldn't be bringing up some random girl that meant little to him. Rick knew this information must be important. As long as they'd known each other Daryl had never shown any interest in anyone. There were rumors about him and Carol. Rick knew them to not be true after questioning him about it and Daryl had actually laughed. He and Carol were nothing more than friends.
Daryl nodded, not exactly sure what to say. "Beth. Her name is Beth." It felt good to say her name out loud. To tell someone, to tell Rick of all people, about her. Rick, who he thought he'd never see again. "Things have progressed between us."
"Progressed huh?" Rick asked, a teasing note in his voice. Now was not the time to tease Daryl about his 'girl' and the 'progression' of their relationship, though he was sure Rick wanted to.
Daryl didn't say anything more, wasn't sure what to say. Ultimately, he didn't have to. Rick knew him well enough. "No shit?" Rick asked. "You got a girl?"
Daryl fought off the urge to smile like the love-sick puppy he was. "I guess."
There was no guessing. He and Rick and Michonne all knew it. Daryl didn't have casual relationships. Once you're in his life you're in it forever.
"We're supposed to go back to her place soon."
Rick's smile slipped. "She doesn't live here?"
"No, no she doesn't."
Beth woke to being lifted off the couch. She thought she must have been dreaming, the world fell away and she was drifting. For a split second, she felt nothing. It felt wonderful. No weight. No angst. Like she was ten again, floating in the pond behind the farm. On hot days she'd float on her back, watching the clouds float past in the sky.
Then she realized she was in Daryl's arms and the weightlessness was replaced with warmth. The love she felt for him was the opposite of free-floating. It was like a blanket. She was heavily cloaked with it. She was wrapped securely in his safety.
Keeping her eyes closed, she leaned her head on his shoulder, her legs draped over his arm, and allowed herself to be carried. Still half-dreaming she wished they were at the cabin. Alone again, just the two of them.
He carried her through the living room, down the short hall, past the kitchen, and to the back bedroom. He laid her onto the bed, joining her, finding his place between her legs. Then she finally opened her eyes to his silhouetted shadow floating above her.
Time had done that weird thing where it felt like they'd been apart for days rather than the hours it had been, making her feel like she needed him rather than just wanting him. Like she might stop breathing if she didn't have him right then, as dramatic as it was.
She took his hat off, throwing it to the side so she could run her fingers through his thick hair. She whispered his name, a smile playing on her mouth. She needed him as close as he could get. Taking the hem of his shirt in her hands she pulled it up and over his head. Palms splayed across his chest, over his shoulders, wrapping her legs around his hips pulling him closer.
"Beth. We need to talk," he mumbled even as he pressed his mouth to hers, his tongue wrestling with hers. His hands ran over her body, igniting her skin. He grasped her breast tightly, pinching the nipple, making her arch her back. She released a high-pitched moan.
"Later," she said, both knowing there was no point. "We'll talk later," she lied. There was nothing that would interrupt their remaining time together. Even the words that needed to be said.
Instead of talking, they spoke with their bodies. With touch. With sighs, and breathless moans. They shifted out of the rest of the clothing and as they did their actions became more frenzied.
It wasn't until Daryl was buried deep inside of her that he slowed. Resting his elbows on the mattress he gazed down at her. Her skin radiated porcelain in the filter of the moon shining through the window. He brushed her hair away from her face. She was so beautiful. Why the hell was she with him?
He'd probably always wonder that.
As though she knew what he was thinking, she smiled and cupped his jaw, raised her head, meeting her lips with his. She lifted her hips, pushing him into her further.
Fuck. The word reverberated through his mind. How could her body feel so perfectly right for his? It was as though it was preordained, they fit together utterly and completely.
It wasn't right that they might be split up after finding each other. It wasn't fair. It was all so confusing. He felt he owed her his life. She not only saved him physically, but she had also shown him a whole side of life he didn't know existed.
The thing was he also owed Rick. He owed Michonne. She and Carol were the only women in his life to show him platonic, unconditional love. Hell, he even owed it to Judith to stay and make this a better place for her.
He leaned up on his knees, pushing back her legs, he continued to pound into her, plunging deeper with every rush of his hips. She laid out before him. Naked, unabashed, not afraid to bare it all to him. Running her hands over her own body, cupping her own tits, then reaching up and clawing her fingernails down his chest.
As he came closer to release, the primal urge grew louder and everyone and everything else faded away. He welcomed the oblivion. Invited it. He wanted it to be that way. It was just him and her and no one else. The way it should be.
Beth relished Daryl's arms tightly wrapped around her, knowing their time together was limited. Later, she had whispered to him. Now that it was later, neither spoke. What was there to say? They both knew he was staying, and that she was leaving.
Once Daryl was asleep, his chest rising and falling soundlessly and evenly, she slid from the warm bed and his even warmer arms. She watched him for a moment, brushing the hair off his forehead, she bent and placed a soft kiss. Quickly she turned because if he woke up she wouldn't be able to leave him.
She was worried a face-to-face goodbye might be too hard on Lydia so she left a note, putting it on the dresser of the bedroom she slept in. In the note, Beth assured Lydia she'd be fine, that she was a great mom, and that Chubs would grow and thrive here at the community. She wished her luck and said that they were welcome at the cabin anytime. By the time Beth would see the baby again, he'd be walking, probably running, everywhere. He wouldn't even remember Beth.
Time was a thief.
On the opposite, she couldn't leave without telling Maggie face to face. She would not be okay with a note left on the dresser so she snuck back into her and Glenn's house just as the sun was starting to lighten the far-off horizon. Maggie was where she'd left her, asleep on her bed. Beth climbed in next to her and took her limp hand. The movement work her up and she yawned, smiled sleepily, and started to close her eyes again. She hadn't realized Beth had been gone.
"Maggie, I have to go."
She blinked twice and then came suddenly awake. "Go?" She asked, her voice hoarse with misuse after sleeping through the night. "What do you mean? Go where?"
Her tired pregnancy brain wasn't catching up and Beth smiled gently. "Back to the cabin. You know I can't be gone much longer."
Maggie lifted herself up and sat up facing Beth. Her eyes instantly filled with tears. "Yeah, but I thought we'd have a couple more days at least."
"Oh, Maggie." Leaving got harder with each visit, this time was heavier. She was about to deliver, and Beth was leaving. Taking off essentially in the night to avoid any more heartache than she felt. "Next time you have to make sure to have the baby in the winter so I can come here and stay longer."
She smiled and let out a wobbly sigh, resting a hand on her belly. "Let's get the one delivered before we plan for the next one."
Beth sighed her relief. Maggie was upset, but not angry. "Okay, but if and when it happens, I'll be here."
"Promise?" Maggie asked. Beth had never seen Maggie quite so vulnerable and had to swallow the lump it created in her throat.
"Course I promise," she said with an enthusiasm she didn't quite feel. She wanted to be strong for Maggie. Didn't want to upset her more than she already had by leaving.
Somewhere along the way, they switched roles. Maggie had become more even tempered and fawned. Essentially married and expecting a child. Once upon a time, she'd been the wild one, the one not afraid to be alone, whereas Beth had been the 'good' one. Well behaved, the one other parents wanted their children to be like. She had been close to her parents and even taught bible school, for heaven's sake. She was afraid of everything as a child, and well into her teens if she really thought about it.
Now she sought the solitude the cabin brought her. Before Daryl, she thought companionship wasn't in the cards for her and she'd been okay with that. She was no longer afraid. Some might even say she looks for trouble by letting strangers into her home. She wasn't the safe, good little girl she'd once been.
Maggie rangled in her emotions and wiped her face with her hands, scrubbing away any tears that threatened to fall. "Turn around, let me braid your hair before you go." Just like when they were young. Maggie for all her wildness loved being the big sister and being six years old she often took on motherly responsibilities, though she didn't need to. Their mother, Beth's real mom, Maggie's stepmom, was a great mother to both girls, and their brother. Maybe Maggie just liked to boss Beth around. Either way, Beth took any attention she could get from her cool big sister.
Even now, so it seems. Beth complied and leaned up on her knees turning her back to Maggie. She closed her eyes as Maggie's fingers worked the knots out of her hair that she hadn't brushed since her shower.
"You know, you could run a comb through this every once in a while," Maggie teased. "It's gotten so long." Beth only shrugged and let out a little laugh. It was easy to forget things like brushing her hair. Things like that didn't matter as much to her anymore. When the world first fell, she used to keep her hair short, cutting it with rusty kitchen scissors before she gave up and just let it do whatever it wanted.
They parted with a 'see you soon.' Keeping it light and quick. Once she was on the path leading to the gates, she didn't look back at the intake house where Daryl was probably still sleeping. She wished she had the guts, the strength, to say goodbye to him but she couldn't muster up the strength. Finally finding someone she cared deeply about, someone she loved, only to have to let him go was more than she could deal with.
She didn't explain to the night guard where she was going or why she was leaving, she only asked to leave and he opened the door and she walked out the gates and away from Daryl.