Wow. I think it's about time I finished this thing. I got sidetracked by Eddissy. I'm sorry. Is anyone still interested? lol
It wasn't safe to travel alone. It definitely wasn't safe to travel at night, alone or otherwise. Beth lacked the wherewithal to care. After walking straight through, only stopping for a few hours, she was exhausted. But the exhaustion her body felt was nothing compared to the grief that penetrated her bones.
Once she got back to the cabin she gave herself a day to rest and to wallow in what she considered self-pity. She slept fitfully on the mattress in front of the fireplace. The blankets still held Daryl's scent and she wrapped herself in them wishing it was his arms instead. For a full twelve hours she slept, something she'd never done before, even as a teen, even when she was at her sickest with pneumonia.
When she finally woke dawn was breaking. The world kept turning. Birds chirped, the sky glowed a light pink in anticipation of the day to come. Chores needed to be done. She needed to start the seeds that beckoned in the root cellar. She had to till up the garden plat, she also had planned on expanding it this spring. The list went on and on.
Even though her heart was broken. Life and responsibilities called.
Before sleep had a chance to overtake her yet again she sat up, scanning the room looking for signs of Daryl. Anything to tie herself and the cabin to him. He wasn't next to her on the mattress, his boots weren't at the door, his coat was missing from the hook. His pack was gone. Nothing changed. Except that everything had changed.
Tears burned and they pissed her off. She wasn't this weak girl that fell apart the moment she was separated from the man she loved. She kicked the blankets off herself, anger spurring her on. It wasn't fair it had to be like this but it did have to be like this. She wasn't going to abandon what she worked so hard to build.
For starters, she cleaned the cabin from top to bottom, washing the blankets and heavy quilts. She stored the mattress in the loft upstairs. She dragged out the rugs and beat them free of the dust that settled into them over the winter. She scrubbed the floors on her hands and knees because the mop broke ages ago and there wasn't a store where a replacement could be purchased anymore. So she made do with a scrub brush and elbow grease. She organized the pantry and the root cellar, seeing what she had left and what she needed most. Though, she didn't want to take the time to eat she made herself. The food - tasteless and bland.
The outdoor chores were numerous, especially during spring. She did her best to keep up with her land during the winter, as much as she could, given the weather. The garden had grown over from the misuse of the colder months and she set to digging up the beds, the earth beautiful and black, ripe for planting. No matter what was happening in life, digging in the dirt settled her. It made her think of her father and the hours they spent together in their garden at the farm. They didn't know it at the time, but he taught her everything she'd need to know to - quite literally - survive. What little she didn't know she found in the books he'd left at the cabin.
Along with her father, the cabin now reminded her of Daryl. Part of her had hoped he'd be here with her. That he'd stay and they'd work side by side. Creating a life together.
Before she knew it over a month had gone by. The days were long and exhaustive. When she fell into bed at night, before she knew it, it'd be time to get up again, the sun returning after being distant and cold through the winter months. Warming her back as she plucked weeds and grass from the garden that was already showing promise. Tiny shoots of vegetation and leaves fought their way into this harsh world. The last frost was hopefully long past.
The soft grass tickled her bare feet as she went about her days. She felt numb and distant from the excitement she usually felt in spring. The promise of new life and the promise of warmer months always lifted her spirits after a long and cold winter. Feeling numb was better than devastation, she supposed. She did her best not to think about Daryl, though he was never far off from her thoughts. Instead, she tried to focus on her thoughts of Maggie. Wondering how she was feeling, how she fared in late pregnancy.
She thought about her niece or nephew often. Would he or she have lots of hair, or be bald? Did he or she look more like Maggie or Glenn? She wondered how Lydia and Chubs were doing as well. Chubs was no doubt growing like a weed. She'd have to wait months to find out the answer to her questions, to find out just how much Chubs has grown. It's the way it is now and she needed to accept that. She thought as time went on, she'd get used to it, but it seemed like the opposite was true. The more time elapsed, the harder this solitary life was. And Daryl? It felt like a part of her was missing. She physically ached for him.
What would her father do if he were here, what would he say? She wondered.
She lifted her face to the sun and forced herself to smile. Turn your sadness into gratitude, he'd say.
Instead of being sad about not seeing her friends and family for months, she was grateful she had them in her life at all. So many people had less. She had lost so much. She'd be thankful for the memories of the past and look forward to things to come. And the distance always made their reunions all the more special.
It had been sixty-two sunrises since the morning Daryl woke to find Beth not next to him. He couldn't say he was exactly surprised that she left without saying goodbye. It didn't make her absence any easier. Deep inside he knew she was gone, still, he went to the one person that would know for sure if she really left.
Maggie nodded. "Yeah, She's gone. Went back to the cabin. Her life is there. You can't ask her to choose, 'cause you won't win."
"I didn't, wouldn't, ever ask her to choose."
"I know you won't." Maggie was sympathetic. Even teared up. Whether it be for her own sadness or his, he wasn't sure. Probably both.
He was surprised when she reached out and wrapped her arms around him. He stiffened, then relaxed into her embrace. The hug was not only for him but for her as well. She needed the comfort too. She was the only other person that missed her as he did.
"She'll be back. It might not be for a while. But she will come back," Maggie said with certainty.
He nodded his head. "She'll come back if for no other reason than to meet the baby," he said, pointing at Maggie's belly. Call him selfish, he wanted her there now. Would things be different for them after an extended time apart? Would they lose momentum? Did she not feel for him the way he felt for her, leaving as she did?
Momentum? What the fuck did that even mean? He didn't know, he just didn't want to lose what they had.
He didn't have much time to dwell on it because Rick had plans and put him to work immediately and that meant months of repairing and building and prepping the people of the community for a possible invasion from walkers or humans alike. The more they got done, the more Rick had for them to do. He was making the town more secure and safe in general but at what cost?
Everyone was on board for the most part except for a handful that fought against him and Rick. Deanna's oldest son and a guy named Dwight. A few others that seemed to take their lead from them clashed against Rick's dictatorship. And Rick clashed against their disobedience.
"Cut 'em some slack. They were here first. Some hot shot shows up and starts barking orders… hell, I'd have a problem with you too if I was them," Daryl spoke honestly to Rick.
Drama has never been Daryl's thing but someone had to talk to him. The more the small group of people bristled against Rick's authority, the harder Rick was on them. Even though Daryl would go to bat for Rick any day, any time, he wasn't afraid to tell him when he was being a dick.
"They keep fucking 'round, they're gonna regret it when a heard of walkers breaks down that front gate. I'm just trying to make them see that."
"They see it. They know. But they don't know you from Moses. They see you as a threat. Someone that is trying to take over."
Rick ran a hand through his scruffy hair, puffed out a breath. "I ain't tryin' to take over."
"You sure 'bout that?" Daryl questioned.
Rick, of course, didn't like that and took a step into Daryl's personal space. "They'd be better off if I did take over," he spat out. "Deanna don't know shit 'bout how things really are out there."
Daryl held up his hands in defense. "Okay, whatever. I ain't here to argue with you. Just know the villagers are getting restless," he said and left Rick to stew on his porch.
Rick and Michone and Judith along with Carl and Eden had moved out of the intake house and into their own space. The community was working on building new houses as fast as they could. It was slow going with the lack of supplies, power tools, and only a few people with the know-how. The people that had experience in house construction taught the ones who didn't. A good idea for the future, not so much for the short term. Daryl was a jack of all trades and filled in where he was most needed.
He spent most of his nights at the intake house with Beta and Lydia. They were quiet and left him alone and most of the time he wasn't there anyway. He volunteered for the night watch. No one else wanted to do it and it gave him something to do when he couldn't sleep. If you can call walking the perimeter of the community numerous times, guarding the gate, and smoking the occasional cigarette he was lucky enough to find 'something to do'.
He was doing more than his fair share, he was doing more than pulling his weight for a place to stay and the occasional meal. Helping out with building, teaching community members to protect themselves. Building bows for defense, setting up a defense perimeter around the community. Doing night checks.
He also made sure Maggie had plenty of food to eat because she was getting to the point in her pregnancy where she felt like she was hungry all the time but felt too full of baby to eat much of anything. She was less grumpy with Daryl than she was with Glenn. She'd practically bite Glenn's head off if he so much as suggested she eat a little bit more of her meals. Daryl played it cool, only eating half his portion and handing the rest off to Maggie, telling her they wouldn't want it to go to waste. She begrudgingly ate it. He also made sure she had leaner, less filling meat at her disposal. Rabbit, squirrel, and venison.
He wanted to see the community thrive - it was a good thing they had there. But he did not feel it was his place. He wasn't sure he'd be staying much longer with tensions running high between him and Rick. It was probably a good idea to leave before their friendship imploded.
And go where? He wasn't sure. He knew where he wanted to go. He felt his place was wherever Beth was but wasn't sure he'd be welcomed there. She was the one to leave without him, after all.
The path he took to the tree to bypass the gate when he wanted to leave without being noticed was well worn down by now. The back wall and front gate had been reinforced first and it was as solid as they were going to get it. So until they got around to fixing this section, it was his personal little escape route.
Up over the wall he went and he was quickly swallowed up by the trees and brush. Any more north there was only sparsely grown pine. They were lucky in that sense. More forest meant more food to forage, more animals to hunt. Lots of fresh water draining down from the mountains.
Some might say he was stupid to leave by himself and risk himself beyond the walls. He needed to get away every couple of days, he needed to breathe. To figure things out. Even if nothing was resolved when he got back to the community, he usually felt more clear-headed. He didn't belong within walls. Rick had to know that. They'd covered a lot of ground, done a lot of good. He just had to figure out a way to tell Rick he was leaving. His loyalty lay with Rick, but his heart belonged with Beth.
"Uncle Daryl," a voice whispered, bringing him out of his mental rumination. He spun around, his hand automatically going to the heel of his knife.
"Jesus, Judith. Don't be sneaking up on me like that."
"Well if you woulda been payin' attention," she teased.
"Shut it." He chuckled quietly. She had a point. He stopped and waited for her to catch up with him. "What are you doin' outside the gates?" He asked suddenly realizing she was where she shouldn't be.
She rolled her shoulders. He'd enjoyed getting to know her again and learning who she is now. She was no longer the little rugrat she once was, that's for sure. She'd grown up since the last time he saw her. Still had her hair in braids though. He could see the woman she one day would become. Sure-handed, sharp-tongued. Also kind. Cared more for her family than anyone he knew. She reminded him of someone else he knew.
"I get bored. Found the trail and the tree a while ago."
He was too proud to be disappointed. He tried to hide it. "Don't they got a school you should be attending?"
This time she snorted. "I already know everything they're teaching. Mom made sure of it."
True enough. He remembered Michonne teaching her everything from how to read to the types of trees, to how to use her sword and every other weapon they had access to. "Nobody likes a know-it-all," he teased quietly. Lightly tracing a hand over the tall grass on the side of the path. Popping a stalk from the ground, he put it to the corner of his mouth, craving a cigarette.
"I'm not a know it all but tell me why I need to sit in a classroom all damn day learning stuff I already know."
"You sound just like I did," he said. He never did finish school and now he wondered if it really mattered if Judith attended the community's school. He wanted better for her. Wanted her to know everything he didn't. If going to the school helped make that possible then that's what she needed to do. On the other hand, she needed to know things that made her survival in this fucked up world more probable.
Maybe there was room for both.
She smiled as they walked, seeming to like that she was similar to Daryl. They came to a little clearing and Daryl sat at the base of his tree, leaning his back against the bumpy bark. Judith stood in the center, the sun filtering through the trees, centering her like a spotlight. "I'm the oldest. Could probably teach the class."
He chuckled. Maybe he should change her nickname from Asskicker to Smartass. "Maybe you should give it another shot."
"Why does it matter?" She asked.
He sighed heavily. He was the last person that should be lecturing someone about attending school. "'Cause for some reason the world is still spinning. Got to do your part to keep it moving forward. Your part right now is learning everything you can."
She sighed and rolled her eyes dramatically. It made him want to laugh. Some things never change.
"Uncle Daryl, the philosopher," she smiled but he could tell she was thinking over what he said.
After a minute of silence, only the song of the birds and the ripple of water from a nearby stream in the background, she asked, "What about you?" Smoothly deflecting the attention from herself and back to him.
"What about me?"
"You're here instead of leaving with," she paused, thinking. "What is her name?"
He looked away, pulled the bill of his hat further down on his forehead, shielding his eyes. "Beth?"
He'd only spoken her name out loud a few times. To Lydia. To Maggie. He thought about her all the time, it stung to talk about her.
"Ma' says you're in love with her but Daddy said you're not 'cause you stayed here."
Her face shadowed under the bill of the sheriff's hat. In the back of his mind, he wondered how much longer she'd wear it before becoming self-conscious. It was inevitable, soon she'd be more interested in things normal teen girls were interested in.
He hoped she wouldn't stop wearing it.
She walked to him and sat a few feet away cross-legged, pulling absently at the grass. "How is staying here doing your part to keep things moving forward?" She asked.
Daryl admired Judith for saying what was on her mind - even if it meant she was calling him out. He wasn't angry about it. He'd be angrier if she wasn't honest with him. Some might consider her precocious or rude. He didn't.
"I am doing my part by helping your dad. And the community."
"Yeah," she acknowledged. "But I think you stayed here because you're afraid."
"Afraid of what?" He scoffed with a grunt. "I ain't afraid of nothin'."
"Yes, you are," she said in a singsong, teasing way. Then she stood and looked down at him, suddenly appearing much older than her twelve years which shouldn't be much of a surprise, all things considered. She had lived many lives in those short years.
Matter of factly she said, "You're afraid of the future. Of having a future of your own, so you hide out here with my dad, doing whatever he says." Her voice held no malice. No judgment. Only the truth.
It was days before he set eyes on Maggie and the baby. He wasn't sure about the protocols of visiting a newborn and their mother so he stayed away until she finally came to find him. He was sitting on the steps of the intake house when she came walking up the path. The only telltale sign she'd had a baby was the sling wrapped around her shoulders, the baby nestled inside of it, close to her chest.
"Thought maybe you ran off," Maggie said by way of greeting. He liked that she knew she could tease him. He preferred it over the formality some of the community members were towards him.
"Not yet," he answered. "Only think about it every other second or so."
He watched with mild interest as she lifted the little bundle from in the sling and laid him against her shoulder, the baby's little cheek smooshed against it. He lifted a hand and lightly traced a finger across his forehead. His skin soft as a feather. "So little," he committed.
"Little?" She scoffed. "He was nine pounds, four ounces at birth!"
He didn't know much about the birthweight of babies but judging by her reaction, nine pounds was a lot. "Him? You were right," Daryl said.
"Yeah, we named him after my daddy." She looked at him Daryl, conveying something in her gaze that made him feel warm. Her daddy, as well as Beth's.
Before he could say no, she was placing the baby in his arms. He almost gave him right back to her, but the baby snuggled into the crook of his arm. So small and so sweet, he realized he didn't mind it so much. There wasn't too much good left in the world. This was definitely part of the good.
He naturally bounced the baby lightly as his eyes opened sleepily before closing again, probably wondering who this behemoth holding him was. "Seems like yesterday Judith was this small."
Maggie leaned over and brushed away a piece of fuzz that landed on Hershel's chin and they watched the baby for a few more minutes - who knew babies were so entertaining - before she spoke again. "Will you do me a favor?"
Daryl looked up from Hershel. Maggie didn't seem like the type to ask anyone for favors so he gave a slight nod for her to continue. She reached into her back pocket and pulled out a polaroid photo. He remembered back when he first arrived here that Deanna took a photo of each of them. They must have found the camera and film on a run at some point.
She showed him the photo of Hershel laying on a white blanket wearing the tiniest blue long-sleeved shirt and a cloth diaper. His tiny legs pulled up, his arms tucked in. His hands in little fists, as they are now. On the white portion of the bottom of the photo his name was written: Hershel Charles Greene-Rhee, 9lbs, 4oz, 20 inches long.
"Will you take this to Beth?" Before he could say yes or no, she went on. "I obviously can't go to her for a couple months, and even after that taking an infant on a two-mile trek is not something I want to do. I don't want Glenn leaving us just yet. So that leaves you."
Daryl wasn't sure how that left him.
She continued, "The hardest thing wasn't the pain of labor." She snorted out a laugh. "That was hard, don't get me wrong. But not having my sister with me to help me, to coach me through it. To just be by my side to tell me everything was going to be okay…" Maggie's voice vibrated with emotion. They sat in silence until she was able to go on without crying.
"I want her to know everything went okay. I want her to know I had a boy and that he's healthy and quite possibly the cutest baby ever born," she said. Daryl looked back at the baby still in his arms, deciding the little squished face was pretty cute.
"I want her to meet him, even if it's just by way of a polaroid."
Well, I've written better. But I've also written worse. hahaha Thanks for reading. Leave a comment if you're still reading. :)