XXIII
"I need to talk to you in private," Harry said to Ron and Hermione, as soon as the Weasley parents and King's Cross vanished out of sight.
"Go away, Ginny," Ron said immediately. Then he turned to Kakashi. "Sorry, mate."
"No," Harry interjected. "Charlie… I mean—" Kakashi saw him duck his head when the Weasley girl glared at him.
"Very nice," Ginny grumbled. "You know him for half a summer and already trust him more than me."
Kakashi only knew Ginny for a day, but he was already aware of her little crush on Harry. It was as obvious as Obito's crush on Rin had been. Maybe there was even a little hero-worship mixed in. In any case, Kakashi didn't want to get involved. He could already guess what Harry wanted to tell his friends, anyway.
"Don't mind me," he waved at his three soon-to-be classmates. "I can find a seat on my own."
The bushy-haired girl called Hermione looked after him as if she wanted to object. She probably felt bad for the poor lonely new student. Well, Kakashi didn't need her pity. In any case, he had things to sort through. On his way through the train, he had caught his first clear whiff of Ron's rat. In the Leaky Cauldron, he hadn't been able to make him out, because Kakashi had expected a scent like Sirius'. A half-human half-animal scent. The Leaky Cauldron had hundreds of rats, but he had expected to be able to find the magical one. Now, he wasn't so certain anymore.
Ron's rat smelled nothing like Sirius had. It smelled of rat, and whatever faint human note there might still be, could easily just come from living in Ron's cloak and sweater pockets for hours each day. Had Sirius been wrong, and this was just a normal rat? Or was the scent not a clear giveaway after all?
He didn't know where the Weasley girl had walked off to, so instead, he followed the first familiar scent he found. Earthy and a little sweaty… What was the boy's name again? Harry had introduced him, Kakashi was certain…
"Are you looking for your toad again, Longbottom?" a boy laughed haughtily. "They should hex you into a toad, you'd fit right in." Boys' laughter rang out from the wagon, Kakashi could smell Harry's friend in. He heard a boy faking a bad 'ribbit'. "Shame, the school doesn't allow it. You might even find some friends—"
Neville, Kakashi thought. That was the name.
The boy's voice cut off, when Kakashi slid the wagon door open with enough force, that it banged audibly. "Neville!" he called out. "You're Neville, right? Harry introduced us last week."
Neville sat in the middle of the corridor in front of three boys. All three were about their age, Kakashi guessed, but two of them looked much bigger than both Neville and Kakashi himself.
"Uh…" Neville stared up at him with pink cheeks. "Yah… Uhm, I mean, yes. You remember?"
"Sure do," Kakashi said, though his eyes were momentarily not fixed on the boy but on the toad, he cradled to his chest. "Is that your toad?"
Neville looked embarrassed and clearly, the snickering from the other three boys didn't help. "Uh-huh." He nodded uncertainly. "Uh, that's Trevor."
"I like toads," Kakashi declared, thinking of Minato-sensei and Jiraiya-sama though clearly, their summonings were a lot more interesting than this plain toad. "What are you doing on the floor?"
Neville was about to answer when one of the other boys interrupted the conversation. It was a slender boy with pale blond hair and a pointy face. He reminded Kakashi vaguely of a ferret. He was also certain he had met the boy before. Oh, right. This was the boy he'd taken the Galleons from, to buy his school supplies.
"Who might you be?" the blond boy asked, though instead of waiting for an answer, he immediately answered the question himself, thinking out loud. "Oh wait, I know. Our age, but I never saw you around… You must be the new kid my father told me about."
Kakashi looked at him plainly. "I have no idea, what your father told you," he admitted. "But I am new."
"Mud—Muggleborn, Father said," he continued. Neville hissed at him, but Kakashi noted that that wasn't the reason why the boy had changed his choice of words. It was more deliberate. From the tone, Kakashi was certain, whatever he had started to say, was an insult. But he had said it – or rather not said it on purpose. It hadn't just slipped out. "Just the right company for the toad." He laughed unpleasantly.
"And who are you?" Kakashi said, his eyes narrowing at the blond boy.
The blond glared back at him. Then haughtily raising his head, he introduced himself. "Malfoy. I'm Draco Malfoy. I know you… fell through the cracks, but you should try to be better informed about the world you enter into." He made it sound, as if the 'falling through the cracks' would've been a good thing, if only it wasn't discovered.
Kakashi had fought and survived more intimidating and crueler enemies than a local school bully and his posse, so he ignored the boy and turned back to Neville, giving him a hand to pull himself up.
Malfoy's pointy features turned red from anger. He took a threatening step forward, but due to the narrowness of the corridor, he didn't get past Neville to Kakashi. "You think you can ignore me?" He asked in a hissing voice.
"Mah…" Kakashi hummed turning towards the kid. "Say… Malfoy, I've heard that name before." There was a triumphant smile on Malfoy's face. "I think I read it in the newspaper. You're the kid that got robbed, aren't you?"
Neville couldn't suppress a small chuckle. Malfoy turned an even darker shade of red. Seething, he stared at Kakashi, then he threw his head back. "Let's go!" He ordered his two friends and strutted out of the wagon. "I'm sure we can find better company than some mudblood and Longbottom." He made it sound as if the 'Longbottom' was worse than whatever a 'mudblood' was supposed to be.
"I'm sorry about that." Neville's voice barely even reached his ears. He had half-turned away and quietly peeked into the next compartment. There were two young girls who looked at the half-open door and the two older boys with wide and fearful eyes.
"What are you apologizing for?" Kakashi asked a little irritated, ignoring the girls.
Neville looked over his shoulder at him. His cheeks had turned pink. "You got into trouble with Malfoy because of me. And he called you a—" Whatever the slur meant Neville couldn't even get it over his lips.
"A mudblood?" Kakashi asked noting the scandalized look on the young girls' faces. "What of it?"
Neville ducked his head. "You shouldn't say that." He turned to the girls. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to intrude…Is this seat occupied?"
He pointed at one side of the bench, where one of the girls had her school uniform neatly folded on the leather cushions. She quickly took the uniform away, placing it on her lap.
"No," she squeaked. "It's free, I mean."
Neville nodded and sat down on the free spot. Kakashi – after short consideration sat opposite him, where the second girl had already scooted over. Neville eyed him questioningly.
"You aren't with Harry?" Neville asked looking into the empty corridor before the door fell shut behind Kakashi. "I thought you'd sit with him."
"He needed some privacy," Kakashi replied easily.
The chubby boy bit his lower lip. "I'm sorry," he apologized again, and once more Kakashi thought it was entirely unnecessary. It wasn't Neville who had sent him away. Maybe "It's just… It's your first day. You must be nervous. I mean…I was afraid on my first day, and I was just one of many. It's probably very difficult for you."
While Neville spoke Kakashi looked at the two girls. They were throwing each other odd glances as if they were trying to communicate silently. It was obvious that they were listening in on Neville. When the boy mentioned that it was Kakashi's first day, the two girls openly gaped at him. Kakashi waved back with an easy smile.
"It's not that bad," he replied to Neville when the boy finally finished. Neville was wringing his hands nervously, Kakashi realized. "You seem more nervous than me," he added with a chuckle.
He had meant it as a joke, but Neville avoided his eyes looking to the floor with red embarrassment on his cheeks. "My grandmother always says I'm a coward," he muttered under his breath, barely audible. Then he coughed. "Uh, sorry, I didn't mean to… I thought you might be nervous. I didn't mean to offend you."
"I didn't take offense," Kakashi replied. This boy was odd, he thought. Kakashi didn't remember ever meeting anybody with such low self-esteem while also being completely honest about their lack of confidence. "So, what's a mudblood?"
The girl next to him flinched physically and then glared at him. It was obviously a bad word. Neville stared with big eyes. He glanced at the girls and then back at Kakashi.
"You're not supposed to say that," he reminded Kakashi. "Your parents are muggles, right?" Kakashi nodded. "Malfoy's parents are pureblood. There are people like him, who think that because their family has been magical for generations, they are therefore better than half-bloods, who have a non-magical parent, or muggleborns like yourself." He shook his head, then he quickly added, as if he feared Kakashi might misunderstand otherwise: "It's all hogwash, of course."
Like the Uchiha and Hyuuga, Kakashi thought. These old clans often thought they were better than clanless kids. Of course, there was a truth to that arrogance. Most clans had special ninjutsu, some even a kekkei genkai, and especially the Hyuuga and Uchiha were protective of their powerful doujutsu.
"So, can purebloods do anything better?" he asked to make sure. From Sirius' explanation, it had sounded, as if there was no such thing as secret family techniques. Harry, he remembered, had also talked about purebloods and muggleborns and never mentioned any differences.
"No!" Neville replied quickly. He shook his head decisively. "Just look at me and Hermione. I'm a pureblood, and I can barely do anything. And Hermione is a muggleborn and the smartest witch in our year." While talking about Hermione he had started grinning, but now he was frowning again. "You know Hermione?"
"I met her," Kakashi said. "Harry's friend."
"Yes, right…" Neville looked at the two girls, then out of the window. He was still clutching his toad, when they lapsed into silence, giving the girls the opportunity to continue their conversations about what houses they wanted to be sorted in.
Kakashi listened in with one ear, eager to pick up as much information as he could. Harry had already told him about the four houses: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Slytherin, and Ravenclaw. Odd names, and he still struggled to pronounce Slytherin. Harry had kept the explanation short. Kakashi hadn't been impressed by the whole house system. To him, the criteria by which the kids were sorted into separate houses seemed completely benign.
Konoha of course also sorted their young genin into separate teams. But those teams were smaller and each genin was placed with some care to balance the overall team. Not that that necessarily yielded better results… Kakashi hadn't been a good teammate. He hadn't gotten along with Obito and barely bonded with Rin, before Obito's death. Even then it was too late and Kakashi too weak to protect Rin. It wasn't the first time, that Kakashi considered if Obito might still be alive if instead of Kakashi they had a different teammate who gave Obito the respect and attention he had deserved.
He didn't want to think about his dead teammates, so instead he focused back on the girls. Apparently, Hogwarts houses were a matter of pride and tradition for wizarding families. One of the girls proudly exclaimed that all her family was in Ravenclaw, and she would therefore have to go there too.
At some point, an elderly witch came past with a candy cart. Neville declined, saying something about being on a diet. Kakashi declined as well – he didn't like sweets. But the girls bought something called Chocolate Frogs. As they opened the first, Kakashi immediately regretted, that he hadn't bought some to. The moment it was free of the packaging the small chocolate animal leaped towards freedom. It had made its way halfway up the window before one of the girls caught it and bit off its head. It was fascinating. Kakashi curiously watched as they opened more of the frogs.
As time passed, it slowly turned dark outside, and lanterns were flickering to light in the corridors and over their heads. The girls were still debating the houses.
"Gryffindor would be okay too, I guess," the wannabe-Ravenclaw said, but she made a face as if she tasted something sour. "I mean that's where Harry Potter is, right? And Dumbledore was a Gryffindor, so they have smart people too. Just as long as I don't become a Hufflepuff." She put her tongue between her teeth in a childish gesture.
"I'd rather be in Hufflepuff than in Slytherin. Sure, Hufflepuff's might be a bit simple, but at least they're not evil." The other girl made a scandalous face.
Kakashi was a Hufflepuff and for a moment he considered if he should get offended over his housemates being called simple. Then he decided to just let it pass. He might be a Hufflepuff now, and he had bought a few yellow and black ties for his uniform – he didn't even know how to tie them right and dreaded wearing them around his neck – but he didn't feel any loyalty for the house. In fact, he hadn't even met another Hufflepuff yet.
"Do you know what you'll be, Charlie?" Neville asked finally talking again after an eternity of staring out of the window.
"What I'll be?" Kakashi repeated.
"The house sorting. You'll get sorted later, right?" Neville blushed again.
"Oh no," Kakashi shook his head. "I was sorted at the ministry. Professor Snape came himself." He noticed that Neville paled at the teacher's name. "I'm a Hufflepuff, apparently. Not that I know what it means." Grinning, he nodded towards the two girls. "Apparently it means I'm simple."
"Oh no!" The girl who had used the word 'simple' cried out. Her eyes were round from mortified embarrassment. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it—It's just everybody says… Uhm… I'm sure Hufflepuff is great!"
She finally closed her mouth when she realized she had nothing good to say about the house. "Yeah right," the other girl laughed, but then she glanced at Kakashi ducking her head.
"It's really not bad," Neville quickly added. "The hat almost sent me to Hufflepuff in my first year, you know." But then his friendly smile died, and he looked back to the ground. "I mean…I don't know if that…" He looked as if he wasn't certain the hat almost sending him to Hufflepuff would do anything to change Kakashi's opinion about the house. He really needed a confidence boost, Kakashi thought but had no idea how to provide it.
"I don't really care," Kakashi admitted. "Honestly, the whole house thing seems strange to me." He shrugged. Neville looked as if he wanted to retort, but then he closed his mouth again. "You're in Gryffindor, right?" Kakashi continued.
"Yes," Neville answered immediately. "The hat took really long to decide though."
Kakashi looked at him strangely. "Does it make a difference how long the hat needs?"
Neville seemed uncertain. Then he raised his shoulders. "I don't know. It took forever for Harry, but Harry is the bravest kid I know."
Kakashi almost snorted at that. Not to disrespect Harry, it just still seemed so nonsensical to him, to use bravery of all things as a criterium to separate children. Obito, the thought came to him unbidden. Obito would've been a Gryffindor. Sure, the boy had always cried easily, getting dust in his eye despite the goggles he always wore… But Obito was also the kind to run head-first into trouble. Obito had also been the first of the team to die… Of course, in the end, they had all died.
"Harry?" One of the girls asked Neville. "You've mentioned this Harry before… But you don't mean Harry Potter?"
Neville grinned sheepishly. "The one and—"
There was a metallic squeak when the Hogwarts Express came to a sudden halt on the tracks. One of the girls was so surprised, she let go of the stack of Chocolate Frog Cards on her lap. Apparently, these candies came with small data cards giving the name, picture, and background information of famous witches and wizards. Moving pictures like the ones in the Daily Prophet.
"What's going on?" The girl asked, irritated, as she bent down to pick up her cards. "Are we there already?"
Neville shook his head. "No, that can't be right." He was the only one of them, who had taken this train to Hogwarts before, so Kakashi was inclined to believe him. "It should take at least another hour." He leaned over the girl next to him to peak out of the window.
Kakashi felt uncomfortable. He couldn't place the cause, but his instincts were firing wild warning signals. The hairs in his neck stood up. Something didn't feel right. There was a shift in the atmosphere – almost undetectable at first. A memory poked at the edge of his mind, he quickly pushed it away without giving it further consideration, the way he was used to doing after a bad nightmare.
"It's getting colder." Kakashi was the first who noticed it. He peered past Neville through the window, but there was a thick fog, and it was already dusky outside.
One of the girls nodded. She took her cloak and put it over her shoulders to keep herself warm. "Yeah… Why is it getting so cold? Close the window!" Neville who had just opened the window to poke his head out, quickly slid it shut again. He looked from the girls to Kakashi, then he made a brave face. Apparently, he decided that being the only one in the compartment who wasn't just about to start their first year at Hogwarts, he ought to go and investigate himself.
"I'll go ask somebody," he announced opening the door. He didn't seem eager to go out alone, so Kakashi stood up to offer his help. "No, no, Charlie, you should stay," Neville said quickly. "I can…I can handle this." His eyes flickered to the clearly confused and afraid girls. Reluctantly, Kakashi nodded and sat back down, before Neville left the compartment.
"What do you think is going on?" the Ravenclaw-wannabe said. Kakashi had caught her name already: Mary.
"I don't know," he admitted unhappily. This situation creeped him out. He hated not knowing the threat, but he could clearly feel it lurking in the fog. He stared into the dark outside. "There's something out there."
He felt uncomfortably reminded of the war. Of Obito and Kakashi waiting outside the cave where Rin was hidden.
Those who break the rules are scum, but those who abandon their friends are worse than scum. Obito's voice rang in his ears. The judgment hurt.
Kakashi shook his head. He couldn't allow himself to get distracted now.
"You look pale. Are you alright?" Mary asked.
Are you alright, son? Did they say anything to you?
Leave me alone, Dad, I can take care of myself.
He shook his head. Why was he replaying these old memories?
"I'm fine," he replied.
There was a rumbling in his ear. It sounded horribly familiar, but he couldn't place it yet.
"What is that?" the other girl asked. She had her hand against the window, blowing her own foggy breath against the glass. A thin sheen of ice crept up the windowpane.
"It's frost," Kakashi noted confused. What was happening?
Friend Killer Kakashi!
He grabbed the girl. "What did you call me?"
The girl gaped at him, her jaw hanging open. "I didn't—I didn't say anything," she stuttered.
KAKASHI!
The hand holding the girl was red with blood, tainted. He let her go as if he had burned himself on her shirt. "I'm sorry," he gritted through his teeth. "Excuse me. Stay here, I'm just outside." He opened the door and stumbled into the corridor.
The rumbling was still in his ear—What was it? Where did it come from?
He raised his hand against his temple, trying to keep his mind focused on the present.
A genjutsu? He put his hands together in a hand sign. "Kai!" he ordered, but the rumbling was still in his head. That's where it came from. It was just in his head.
Kakashi!
Promise, Kakashi! Promise you'll protect Rin.
I'm sorry, Kakashi. I never wanted this…
OBITO!
Kakashi!
He could see Rin right there. The girl from his nightmares. Blood pouring out of her mouth. Saying his name, like a curse in his ears.
"Kai…," he whispered again, but it didn't do anything to dissolve his hallucinations. He had to concentrate, focus on the here and now.
It's not real, he told himself.
It was cold, freezing temperatures on the First of September. He focused on that. But the rumbling was still there, the noise of a cave collapsing over their heads.
Kakashi!
Promise you'll protect Rin.
I'm sorry I couldn't be there sooner.
Kakashi!
Friend Killer Kakashi.
Kushina's pregnant. I want you to guard her against all incidents.
Kakashi!
I'm sorry, Kakashi…
Coldblooded Kakashi.
Voices were swimming in his head, whispering, screaming, making it difficult to concentrate. He pushed them aside. Every muscle in his body was tense. He wanted to get away from here. His mind fired warning signals at a rate that made him nauseous. With a Chidori, he could rip the roof of the train apart and flee, but instead, he forced himself to remain. Whatever this was…
There!
In the dimly lit corridor on the other side of the wagon, the door slid open, and…there was nobody. Yet cold wind came rushing in, making him shiver. No…That wasn't right…Something…Something was going on.
He watched baffled, as further down the corridor on the other side of the wagon the doors to the compartments slid open. Children cried out in fright.
He tried to concentrate. He was certain that he wasn't alone in the corridor. Something was there and creeping closer…slowly. Yet, he couldn't see. Then, his Sharingan picked up two shapes of energy and as he concentrated his chakra into his eye, he could slowly recognize the silhouettes.
Two hooded figures. They were floating, he realized immediately, first thinking it was another hallucination, or maybe that the darkness was playing a trick on his eyes. But when they came closer, he was certain, what he saw was real. Their cloaks billowed around them giving them an almost ethereal quality. If they were ghosts, they had to come directly from hell. Their cloaks were black, wifty, and ripped. Their breaths rattled in their lungs. When they stopped in front of the next set of doors, each turning to one side of the corridor opening them, their hands seemed old, grey, and wrinkly.
Kakashi!
For a moment, he lost sight of them altogether, and all he could see was Rin, standing right in front of him, her eyes dying, her mouth puking blood, his Chidori through her chest... The chirping of the birds.
But his hand wasn't in her chest. It hung uselessly at his side and yet he could see it, disappearing into the gaping hole in Rin's torso.
He tried to touch Rin, but just before his real fingers made contact with her skin, her shape disappeared. There was blood on his hands!
The two hooded figures had turned away from the doors and towards the next compartments. They were huge, filling the entire corridor from floor to ceiling. All around him he could hear voices. Screaming, begging, pleading, yelling, whispering… He didn't know which of them were only in his mind, and which came from the students in the wagon with him. Only the rattling lungs—that was real.
He wanted to flee. He took half a step back, but then he remembered the two young girls he had left behind. Shivering from both the cold and fear, he retreated into the compartment.
"What is it?" Mary asked when he firmly closed the door behind himself. Her voice was tiny and afraid.
"I don't know," he whispered. He had no idea.
He was afraid, he realized. He didn't remember the last time he was that afraid. This was an unknown enemy. An enemy that brought him close to either unconsciousness or a full-blown panic attack simply by being there. He could feel it edging into his consciousness, just waiting for the moment his concentration would slip, to take over. He couldn't allow that to happen. He shoved all the memories, all the fear and the fogginess of his mind away from himself. Ready to defend himself and the girls, he took up position.
The wand wouldn't help him he knew, and the Hogwarts school uniform he had put on earlier on the journey wasn't suited for battle. It was too heavy and too loose to move freely. But it also offered ample opportunity to hide weapons. He reached into his cloak, grabbed the handle of the Kunai he had hidden in his belt.
It wouldn't be long now, he knew, by the freezing temperatures that plummeted further and further the closer the creatures came upon them.
"I'm afraid," Mary said.
"Can you hear that too?" her friend asked. "The voices. I can hear voices."
"I don't hear—" Mary was about to respond, but then she snapped her mouth shut, gaping at the door. It slid open without making a sound. A grey hand clenched around its edge. It looked like crooked bones and wrinkly skin and no flesh whatsoever.
Kakashi! Promise you'll protect Rin! Obito! I'm sorry, son. Kushina's pregnant. The Kyuubi! Kakashi!
The voices were thundering in his head. Kakashi had the strong need to vomit, and an even stronger pull to give himself to unconsciousness to avoid the memories of his trauma. But instead, he remained standing in the middle of the compartment. Ready to dash against the intruder as soon as the time was right.
The rattling breath and then—
His kunai flashed in the light of the lantern, as he slashed against the hooded figure. He drove the knife deep, cut through wispy cloth until he found something solid underneath. When he finally did, it felt like cutting a corpse. His knife cut through skin and dry bone, but there was no reaction from the creature. He felt no blood on his hands, and as he pulled his knife back all he saw was Rin's blood.
He shook his head, banished the memory. Looking up, for a moment he froze. The face. It wasn't human. A long, pale grey and grotesquely shaped thing resembling a human skull, with skin stretched over it. A gaping maw for a mouth, revealing sheer blackness where there should be the teeth, tongue, and throat. And there were no eyes. The eye sockets were empty, the way Obito's had been as they left him.
And then, in a moment of distractedness, the memory came full force. Where he had just seen the misshapen face of the wraith, now there was Obito, bleeding from an empty eye socket, body and face half crushed by a boulder that was meant for Kakashi.
The creature struck out at him. Spindly thin, but strong fingers clawed over Kakashi's face, ripping the skin open, then they locked around his throat. The creature was strong, stronger than a normal human, but not stronger than Kakashi, and still, Kakashi was so stunned by the memory of Obito's dying moments, that he couldn't defend himself. He felt frost creeping up his neck, biting into his skin.
Mary's scream brought him back to the present. Putting all his force in it, he kicked against the wraith's torso. The attack finally dislodged the creature's grip and drove it out of the compartment. He had hoped to drive it out of the train too. He hadn't even cared that he might ruin the train if he could only get rid of the creature. But somehow it caught itself in the corridor. Then it hovered in front of the door.
For a moment, the ghostlike creature seemed uncertain what to do next. Slowly it sucked in air through its maw. The sound made Kakashi's ears ring. Then it turned half away and further down the corridor.
Kakashi slumped as the tenseness drained out of him. He wasn't quite willing to give in yet, as the creature was still close, and the memories were still gnawing at his mind, but it seemed the immediate danger was over. Both wraiths slowly crept away. It took several minutes until they finally heard the wagon door shut behind them.
Mary shuddered. "What was that?" she asked teary-eyed. "That was horrible! Are you hurt?"
At first, Kakashi didn't register, that she was talking to him. He put his fingers up to his cheek, feeling the scratches there. His throat ached from frostbite.
"You're injured. What was that?" She repeated her initial question. "What did it want? Oh Merlin!" Her voice trembled. The other girl was crying. She sat slumped on her side of the bench muffling quiet sobs.
"I'm alright," Kakashi replied, but he had to force the words out. He felt like vomiting. He fell back on the bench pressing his wrist against his mouth, to prevent himself from gagging. He knew, the moment he relaxed, even more, he'd lose consciousness, and he didn't yet feel safe for that.
"It attacked you. You're bleeding." Mary hovered over him her hand raised but she didn't dare touch him. "You should get that treated before it leaves scars."
At a different time, Kakashi would've scoffed. He didn't particularly care about any scars the attack might leave. It wouldn't be his first after all. "Just give me a moment," he said instead of rebuking here.
And just a few seconds later, he was out.