Guess what, it's 3am here and I just wrote the rest of these 2,000+ words within like 20 minutes because who needs sleep! Ok, in reality it is 3am here, but I am also stressed from finals coming up and I write to destress and this was being neglected so I wanted to work on it! More in depth notes at the end!

Part 22: The Assembly

The ride back was just as whimsical as the ride out to Pluto. Dib was able to see the planets a second time, and Zim had promised to take him Cruising again. They hadn't picked a time, but as Zim dropped Dib off at his house (literally on his rooftop) Dib was already planning his new schedule to include Cruising trips. It wasn't until a week later that he felt any sort of dread when he went to school.

Dib was dreading today not because anyone was planning to tease or harass him, not because Gaz was in a bad mood (in fact she was in a suspiciously good mood, which was worrying), and not because class was particularly boring because he had taught himself pre-calc four years ago. No, Dib was dreading the assembly scheduled after lunch. It was all anyone was talking about. Even the teacher didn't seem to care to teach class. Dib could only imagine how many times this assembly had taken place and teachers zone out for the entirety. He looked over the room at the anticipating faces of his classmates. He would think they were immature for being so excited, but the assembly lasted two class periods. He couldn't really blame them for not being able to wait. IF it wasn't also for the subject of the assembly.

Sex-Ed Assembly.

Dib held in a groan. He didn't understand why the Health teacher couldn't just teach them this instead of spending much too long on the digestive system. He wanted to put his head in his hands. He didn't mind the assembly itself, he wanted his classmates to learn something about sex while they still could before they made fools of themselves outside of school. From the escapades of some that he's overhead, a few of them sorely needed this.

No, he was dreading this because of Zim. Dib knew when he woke up that he wasn't going to be ready to have to sit through something like this with the alien right there.

"What is the issue?" Zim asks. He leans over the table, plucking something off Dib's tray. Dib was looking to the ceiling to keep from having to look Zim in the eyes. "Does this not relate to what you were asking Zim just recently? Well, perhaps not recently for you."

"It- I guess so but- I- don't know- why- why? Why do you want to know?" Dib asks, finding it hard to keep his face straight and cool.

Zim looks at him indignantly. "How is this different than what you were asking Zim? Hypocrite."

"First off, you only just started learning more English and I have a feeling that word was one of them," Dib starts. Zim smirks; but he doesn't confirm or deny the claim. "Secondly, Zim, your species doesn't HAVE sex anymore. You clone yourselves in tubes! This is different just on that alone." Dib argues, burying his face into his sleeves. He was feeling like he was in an oven. Zim looked at him curiously, leaning over the table again to flick Dib's hair.

"Zim doesn't see much a difference with the questioning, Dib-stink." Zim explains. Dib swatted at Zim's hand; but only succeeded at flailing his hand uselessly as Zim was too fast for him when he wanted to be. Dib groaned instead. Zim started to become irritated; Dib wasn't understanding him and Zim felt there was a miscommunication on both ends.

"Can't you just wait until the assembly like everyone else?" Dib asks, taking Zim out of his thoughts. Zim scoffed at him, resting back into his bench.

"The students haven't been waiting," Zim says amusedly. "They've been talking about it in every class. Zim has been both interested and disgusted… ad confused. So, Zim would appreciate it if Dib-stink would shed some light into the situation for him."

"Zim, I REALLY don't want to have that kind of conversation with you. Again."

"That was not the same conversation." Zim points out. He picked at the skin of the orange Dib had grabbed for his lunch. Dib wanted it, but he also couldn't eat, or he'd be sick. While he didn't want to attend this assembly, he wasn't ruining his near-perfect school attendance in his final year when he could still attend.

All too soon the bell rang and Dib looked up to see a smug smirk spreading across Zim's face. Damn him.

"Time to go, Dib-stink."

Dib banged his head on the table. Zim had to drag him to the gym for the seminar.

"Alright, settle down, settle down." The principal spoke into the mic with a tired drone.

Dib didn't blame her for being exhausted. Zim sat next to him; both at the very back of the benches, overlooking the entire gym. The benches had been brought out to seat all the students, taking up any and all extra room that was normally available in the gym during PE classes. The principal was standing on the stage on the opposite side of the basketball court.

"All right." She began again. "I know there's been rumors that the seminar would be a showing of a pornography, and I'm excited to disappoint you all."

The room erupted into a mixture of laughter and groans. Zim looked at Dib for an explanation; but Dib shoved a hand in Zim's face to force his gaze back to the front. "Hell no."

"Today, we'll be discussing everything you didn't cover in Health class and probably everything you did. I don't care. I don't have to give it. Mr. Waters does. Mr. Waters?"

The health teacher took the podium. "I'll be frank, this is mandatory by the city and I don't want to be the one to give a 'birds-and-the-bees' speech. That should be up to your parents. But, I have no choice-"

"Waters."

"Sorry. We'll be covering sexual anatomy, activity, reproduction, reproductive health, birth control, safe sex, and contraception. I can not stand hearing one more person ask what a condom is for so, no, we're not getting out of that one. If there's one thing I actually agree upon in doing this: I get to set straight what the internet got wrong when you all tried to Google this."

Dib buried his face in his hands when Zim started to chuckle.

The seminar lasted too long. Far, far too long for Dib's liking. Mr. Waters had clearly been stewing over the restrictions of their sex-ed course and had left no stone unturned in his recounts of everything sex. And yet, even so, Zim still had something to say.

"Dib-stink, Zim will only keep asking." Zim says, leaning casually against the couch. Dib had been avoiding answering the entire walk home. Once they'd passed the threshold into Zim's base he'd flopped onto the couch to hide his blush.

"I wish you wouldn't."

"Too bad. Zim is curious: why do humans act so strange about sex? It's a necessary action for reproduction, is it not?"

"It's actually not anymore. Surrogacy is a thing. No sex needed. They just combine the eggs and sperm in a lab or something. I said I didn't want to talk about this."

"And you pestered Zim before, it is Zim's turn." Zim points out. Dib groaned. DAMN HIM.

"FINE. Just a few. Please make them as un-embarrassing as possible." Dib pleaded. Zim hooted in victory. He fell back into the only free cushion at Dib's feet. Dib dragged his dangling legs onto the couch to rest them on Zim. The alien didn't knock them off, using them instead to rest his arms on.

"Zim would like to know why humans seem so obsessed with reproduction."

"… That's not what I was expecting," Dib admits, turning his head to look at ZIm. Zim shrugged. Dib sighed, admitting his defeat in full. "It's not the reproduction we're… I'm using this word because you did – "obsessed" with. It's the action that happens to involve it. Sex feels amazing."

"Define. And that is not a question, it is a request; therefore, it doesn't count."

"Eeuh, "define"," Dib mockingly repeats. "It's… the word a lot of people use is euphoric. It's supposed to be the most amazing thing you can physically feel."

"… "supposed to be"?" Zim repeats. "You haven't tried-?"

"GOD, I said DON'T make them embarrass me, Zim!" Dib shouted, dragging his backpack up to cover his face. Zim reached over him, pulling the bundle down. Dib tried to kick at him but Zim held his legs firmly in place. Dib noticed it was with little effort and his face flushed red. He was much weaker compared than Zim had ever let him believe himself to be. It was infuriating.

"Explain why that was embarrassing," Zim demands. Dib looked at him incredulously, surprised to find the Irken wasn't smirking at him.

"Oh, no. You're serious."

"Yes."

"Zim, you can't be."

"Zim is always serious." Zim says, leaning back into the couch.

"That's a lie," Dib says. Before Zim could rebuttal Dib shoved the backpack away and ran his hand through his hair as he spoke. "No, I haven't. I'm still a virgin. Someone who hasn't had sex."

"Why is there a need to differentiate?" Zim asks. He tosses the back to the side. It makes a soft thud when it hits the ground. Dib closed his eyes. He was starting to get tired.

"I don't know, we just do." Dib admits. "There's a lot about sex that just… is how different cultures view it. It's essential for the species, sure, but most people don't care about that part. They care about the moment of it. How it feels."

"Why? Couldn't you get the same sensation from drugs? Your human health class made it abundantly clear that drugs cause a lot of reactions in your brain chemistry." Zim says. He was waving his hand in a feigned disinterest.

"…Some of them, but it's not the same. That's… I guess 'artificial' isn't the word to use… it's…" Dib trailed off with a realization. "I haven't done drugs, either. I can't give an example for it. Damn it. This is harder than I thought it would be. I expected you to ask biology questions, not societal or philosophical ones!" Dib whined. He heard Zim start to laugh.

"That is not Zim's issue. You agreed to answer Zim's questions, so answer them. Why are humans so strange about the act of reproduction? All species need it."

"Liar! Irkens don't!" Dib shouts, flipping over and sitting up in one fluid motion that caught Zim off guard. He gave a small yelp and had a hand up by the time Dib had sat up. Zim quickly slammed his hand back down to his side. Dib noted his face getting darker. "Are you-"

"ASIDE from Irkens and the act of cloning, that is, all species need to reproduce to survive." Zim says rapidly. "That is what Zim meant."

"Ah. Well, yes, aside from that it is essential. Look, society is weird about this sort of thing because of what it means to us. When you have sex with someone, it's usually because you love them. One-night stands withheld. It's a very… personal act, I would say."

"So, humans only engage in it with others they deem worthy?"

"That isn't how I'd put it," Dib says evenly, rubbing his temple. "But, sure. We're picky. Most of the time. There are exceptions, as with everything. Some people aren't as tight about it. Some humans never want to have sex."

"Why is that?"

"They have bad experience with it, bad connotations with it, it's a religious thing, or they're asexual."

"…A… sexual?" Zim asks slowly, rolling the term over on his tongue. Dib raised an eyebrow as he saw the gears turning in Zim's head. He noticed the spots on his PAK blink before Zim gave a confused huff. "Irkens don't have an equivalent to that word."

"You don't…? Oh. It means someone who doesn't experience sexual attraction. They don't want it. Aren't interested in it? I'm not asexual, so I wouldn't know."

"Are there other types?"

"There are a lot of types. I can make up a booklet. We treat those weird, too. I personally don't get it. The stigmas, I mean." Dib explains. Zim still looked confused and Dib decided to give up for now. "I'll make a big booklet. As comprehensive as I can manage. I'm too tired for that conversation."

Zim snorted, reaching for a pillow and smacking Dib's face with it. Dib dragged it down to his lap and fell back on the couch, wriggling around to get comfortable. "Dib-stink did exhaust himself worrying all day. Quite foolish of you."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm taking a nap. Don't Google anything. You will regret it. We haven't even covered fetishes yet," Dib says jokingly. He had just gotten the perfect set up when he heard Zim.

"What is a 'fetish'?"

Don't worry, I'm not continuing that last line in the next chapter aha. This chapter is something I've wanted to touch on ever since I remembered the awkwardness of having to take the Sex Ed portion of High School health class. And how my health classes focused more on the digestive system than literally anything else. Since I set the story within the last year or so I missed my shot since, to my knowledge, most US schools cover it within the Freshman and Sophomore years. SO, f*ck it, an assembly it is lol. This was also a chance for myself to explore some of the topic that most people either don't care for or gloss over when it comes to societal ideas about the nuances in sex as a topic instead of an action in my writing; and as an asexual I focus on those more than the act itself because the act itself holds little to no interest to me. It's like watching paint dry, it just doesn't seem fun. Sure, I could find a way to have fun with it, probably, but the interest to expend the effort to do so just isn't there. Regardless, I hope you enjoyed!