Tick, tick, tick.

I screw my eyes shut at the sound of the clock in the hallway. A constant reminder of time passing me by while I waste away in my rocking chair. The only other sounds I here is when Greasy Sae comes and cooks and cleans and tries to get me to eat. I only manage small amounts. I've been back in District 12 for three months, or so Greasy Sae says. Visions of Prim keeping me locked in another time and place.

Tick, tick, tick.

I feel my aggravation rising with the old clock, but to broken to do something about it. It is strange to feel something other than utter loss. I'm not sure I like it, not sure if I can handle all of these feelings when all I want is to feel numb. In the early hours when I manage to sleep a bit my subconscious leads me to him. Sometimes being killed, sometimes about him wrapping his hands around my neck, and sometimes about his kindness and the way it felt to kiss him.

I'm not sure which scares me most.

Tick, tick, tick.

My head is pounding now. Thoughts of him entering my mind. How I wish they would go away. No, that's not right. How I wish he never had to go away. How I wish that the Capitol had taken me instead and left the boy with the bread alone. My boy with the bread alone.

I would have volunteered to be in his place over and over again to save his kind heart from the torment.

Tick, tick, tick.

I feel nauseous. Hyper aware of time ticking by and still not doing anything about it. I don't even know how he is. I haven't seen him since I killed Coin and how he had stopped me from taking my life.

Why do I even care? He doesn't love me anymore.

I really am a mutt after all.

Tick, tick, tick.

I'm feeling too much. I realize that I'm shaking, and the rocking chair is teetering back and forth slightly. The sway and all of the other feelings making my vision blurry. I close my eyes again, but quickly snap them back open when his kind smile flashes against my eyelids. As though it has been etched there. A constant reminder that I can't bring that smile back. I should have appreciated it more, but it was never mine to begin with.

Tick, tick, tick.

In one swift motion I am standing straight up. Every bone in my body aching as I do, begging me to not move. I don't care, it only adds to everything else anyways. I take a step and almost lose balance, but able to hold myself upright. I take a few more steps and then notice someone looking right at me. I take a step closer and realize it's a mirror and it's my reflection staring back at me. I don't recognize myself.

I have thinned out considerably. My eyes are ghostly hollow, and my cheeks are sunken. You can tell that sleep has not been my friend lately.

Then I remember how sleep came easier when we shared a bed together. A pang of guilt worms into my heart knowing that I was only using him for sleep.

Then I hear it, the unforgiving sound of the clock signaling a new hour. The sound pierces the air and makes my ears ring violently. I compare it to the explosion from the first games when I set off the mines of the Career's supplies. I touch my ear to see if it's bleeding, but I am surprised to find nothing.

The chime is still going, and I hurriedly run up the stairs. The unbearable noise getting louder and louder as I get closer. My heart is pounding in my chest.

With all of my might I push the clock down to the floor and watch it shatter into pieces.

And then it's painstakingly silent.

I'm heaving from all the energy that this task required. I lean against the wall and slowly make my way down to the floor. I look at the clock and I realize that we are no different. Shattered into a million pieces. I have no hope of putting myself back together again.

I then realize that I'm crying, and my breathing is so uneven that you would have thought I just ran a couple of miles.

I lay on the floor and feel the glass from the clock pierce my skin in several places. I wish I couldn't feel anything. I should be dead. I lay there until my eyes droop and I give into a dreamless sleep.

I wake up to someone nudging me awake. I blink and see that there is daylight now. I look over and see Greasy Sae over me.

"C'mon girl, get up," she says. She holds out her hand and I take it. I wince from the ache in my bones from sleeping on the floor, the tiny cuts that litter my body, and my sore muscles from moving as much as I did last night. Sae leads me to the bathroom in my room and cleans up my cuts.

I feel like a small child whose mother is cleaning their wounds. Sae looks at me but doesn't say anything except to take a shower. She gives me a small smile. I wonder what she's thinking. She's been trying to get me out of my chair downstairs this entire time, but the fact that I only got up to break the clock must not be what she had in mind. Nonetheless I got up.

She leaves and I look at the mirror getting a better look then last night. I look so different but the same all at once. I sigh and start undoing my hair. It has been well kept since Sae would fix my hair and I didn't have it in me to tell her no.

I undress and start the shower, surprised that I actually remember how to use it. I wash all of the grime that has built up from not taking care of myself. I notice how ill looking I've become. You can see my bones sticking out of my skin, something I have not seen in a while. It reminds me of when my father died, and we ran out of food and money. Before that fateful day with the bread happened.

I turn off the shower and grab a towel. I walk back into my room and see that Sae has laid out some clothes for me. I am thankful to not have to go into the closet knowing that some of Cinna's dresses he made are in there. I'm not ready to face that.

I leave my hair down after passing a brush through it. I step out into the hallway and notice that the pieces of the clock have been picked up. Cleaned up as if nothing even happened. At least I don't have the constant reminder of time passing by.

I make it downstairs and find Greasy Sae cooking breakfast. I think about returning to my rocking chair, but she spots me and ushers me to the table. Surely taking advantage of this day that I am moving myself.

She settles me in and sets down a plate. "Y'know, I really miss having fresh meat around here," Sae says. I look up at her but I don't say anything. I just pick at my food with my fork. She sighs and starts cleaning up the kitchen.

The phone starts ringing. I already know who it is. Dr. Aurelius trying to check in on me. I'm surprised he hasn't given up on me yet. Everyone else has, with the exception of Sae of course. I think he should give up.

"Did you want to get that? I think it'd do you some good to talk to that doctor," she says. I shake my head and make myself eat some of the food, hoping that this will appease her in some way. I'd rather eat then talk. I've never been good with words.

She continues cleaning and I was able to finish half the plate and the tea she set out. She looks satisfied with it and takes the dishes and comes back to me and starts doing my hair.

I wonder why she bothers with it. Or with me for that matter.

She eventually leaves and suggests I take a walk. She also mentions how they're planning on rebuilding District 12. I am surprised that people want to come back here. All I wanted to do was come back here and wallow in my misery.

Days go by and I fall into a comfortable routine. Greasy Sae still comes and goes, relief showing on her face every time she finds me up and moving before she arrives. A big improvement from where we started.

On one of the days Buttercup came back, and I screamed at him for a long time. He is now part of my routine after I decided to take care of him. I know that's what Prim would have wanted me to do.

Today I decide to go hunting and Greasy Sae does not hesitate to pack a lunch and bring me my bow and arrows. Being out in the woods feels so familiar but so foreign at the same time. District 12 was destroyed but the woods remain the way I had left it. Oblivious to the events that happened.

I practice with my bow and get comfortable with it again. I manage to shoot down 3 squirrels. I sit at the place where Gale and I use to meet and take out the lunch that Sae packed. I eat and I feel comfort in being in the woods again.

Some time passes and I decide to head back. I walk through the gate of Victor's Village and start making my way to my house and that's when I see someone kneeled over at the edge of my house. I get closer to them and see that they are digging and planting something.

"Hello?" I say. The person jumps a little, clearly, they didn't hear me coming. I then see blonde hair and know exactly who it is. He stands up and looks at me with a small smile. "Hi, Katniss," he says.

Disbelief must be written on my face because he breaks eye contact and looks at the ground instead.

"What are you doing?" I ask peeking behind him to see what he's planting. Primroses. "I thought it would be nice to have these here for…" he trails off, but I know what he means.

For Prim.

I nod and I feel a lump in my throat. He must notice. "I hope you don't mind," he whispers. I look up at him and see his clear blue eyes. Not the eyes that looked so tormented. I look down at my feet and mumble that I don't mind and go inside. As soon as the door shuts, I lean against it my heart pounding in my chest.