A/N: Long time no see! I haven't completely abandoned, just got caught up with college and I graduated so life kinda had me extra busy since the last update. Anyways, enjoy!
I stare out the window from my bed and watch as the sun has fully set in the sky. Last night I got little to no sleep, the guilt of losing Prim kept me up along with the repetitive nightmare of the day that she passed. No matter how fast I run or how hard I scream, I never reach her.
Some more time passes, and I look at the clock on my nightstand and realize that it is about an hour past the time I usually meet Peeta for lunch. I take a deep breath and pull the covers over my head, allowing myself to wallow in my self-pity. I hear a knock at the front door, but I have no desire to get up. I just want to be alone. I hear a couple more knocks until it is silent. Relief floods me for a moment up until I hear Peeta's uneven gait coming up the stairs. I then remember that I didn't lock my door last night, or any night for that matter. The door is always unlocked.
"Katniss?" Peeta says, approaching my door. I push myself further into the mattress hoping to disappear. He quietly knocks and waits a moment until he decides to open the door. I hear him step inside my bedroom, hyperaware of where he steps. "Katniss?" he tries again. I hear him coming to my side. I hold my breath, and then I feel him pull the covers off of my head.
Blue meets grey. The concern on his face melts my heart a little bit. I must have worried him, my selfishness getting in my way once again for not even trying to tell him that I wouldn't be over for lunch. "Hi," I say. Not really sure on what else to say. "Hi," he replies. The look of worry not lifting from his face. "I missed you at lunch," he says. "I'm sorry, I didn't get much sleep last night," I say. Peeta pulls up the little bench that is at the foot of the bed and sits by my side. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asks. I think he is referring to what happened at his house, but I am not quite sure. "I'm so tired, Peeta," I whisper. A look of sadness washes over his face and he takes my hand in one of his and rubs my knuckles with his thumb. "Me too," he says. "Remember how we used to sleep on the train together? That is probably the last time I got some actual sleep." I say. Peeta frowns at this, his eyebrows furrow together, and I am afraid that he is going to have a flashback.
Before I can say anything else, Peeta speaks. "We used sleep together to keep the nightmares away. Real or not real?" The question catches me off guard for a moment. We haven't played this game in a long time. "Real." I say. "I asked you to stay with me after I woke you up from my screaming and you said-,"
"Always." He finishes.
Clarity fills his eyes and a sense of relief washes over me that this is not a bad thing.
We exchange looks and a silent agreement is made between us. I lift the covers and make room for him while he takes off his shoes and then slides into my bed. He holds me the same way that he did on the train.
I think about the other night when he took off his prosthetic. He never took it off before and I wonder if the prosthetic was uncomfortable all those nights with me. I also wonder if he is embarrassed by it, I would hope not. He shouldn't be embarrassed about that, not with me at least. I decide not to mention it just in case that he is.
I listen to his steady heart under my ear a constant reminder that he is here and alive. It is so comforting to me. Noise that I happily allow unlike that clock that I destroyed. The warmth that his body radiates along with his heartbeat lull me to sleep.
When I wake again it is about 4 in the afternoon. Peeta's snores fill the room and we're in the same position that we fell asleep in. I study his face and focus on the way that the light coming from the window makes his eyelashes a warm golden color. I know that I am being ridiculously selfish as I remind myself that Peeta is my friend. Nothing more, nothing less. When he does find someone else it'll hurt like hell because this isn't for me. Not anymore. A pang of jealousy and hurt flood me, but I shove those feelings aside. I decide that since I am already here, I might as well be selfish. I'll deal with the consequences later.
I gently push myself closer to him wanting to be as close as humanly possible. My face is now by his neck and I hold him closer to me, and his good leg between both of mine. He suddenly shifts and I'm afraid that I woke him up, but he just pulls me in closer while his snores still fill the room. I let out a breath that I didn't know that I was holding.
Another hour passes by until Peeta stirs awake from his sleep. He looks confused for a moment and then he looks at me with realization. I smile up at him and he returns a lazy one.
"No nightmares?" he asks.
"No nightmares." I confirm.
"Good, I'm glad."
Peeta looks over to the alarm clock on the nightstand and he sighs. "Sorry, I didn't mean to sleep so long. You've probably been awake for a while," he says with a hint of embarrassment. A light blush appearing on his pale skin. I shake my head against his chest. "No, I haven't been awake long, and don't feel like you need to apologize for something like that. You needed the sleep," I say. I wouldn't have minded if he slept longer. It is the least that I can do for him.
I sit up and stretch, honestly feeling refreshed. My stomach growls loudly in the process. Peeta chuckles beside me at the noise and I laugh with him. We roll out of bed and make our way to the kitchen.
Greasy Sae was here having left breakfast in the fridge. She must have thought that I went out into the woods this morning and put what she made in there for when I returned. Peeta and I decide to just make some sandwiches with bread that he brought over earlier today.
We eat in comfortable silence and every so often we sneak glances at each other. A little game we play when we eat together. When we finish, we clean up the kitchen and head outside to sit on the porch. "I can get used to this," Peeta says suddenly. "Get used to what?" I question. "This. Having lunch together and just spending time together," he says with a warm smile. I feel my heart restrict a little by this confession. I smile back though, not wanting to ruin his good mood.
We spend the rest of the day outside tending to the primroses and checking in on Haymitch and making him eat something. Eventually the sun starts to set and Peeta walks me back to my front door.
"I had a really nice day with you Katniss." he says with a smile. "Me too," I reply. An awkward silence sets between us. "Well, I should get going. Have a goodnight, Katniss," he says turning away to walk to his house. Panic sets in me at the thought of him leaving and being in this big house by myself. Before I think it through, I am reaching for his hand before he steps away from me. "Wait. Stay with me. Please." I beg.
He turns to look at me and he must see a look of desperation on my face, but he does not hesitate.
"Always."
Peeta goes to his house to change into some clothes to sleep in while I myself get ready for bed. I crawl into bed anxiously awaiting his return but find comfort in the covers that smell like him from earlier today.
Even though I did not have a good start this morning, I am glad that it led to this with Peeta. He provides comfort I so desperately and I will take anything that he offers because I am selfish. Although, I know I would give anything to Peeta. I owe him this much.
When Peeta returns he sits on the edge of the bed to take off his shoes. He places them on the edge of the wall. After he has done that, he pulls the blanket up and climbs into bed with me. I frown at this. "What?" he asks, noticing my expression. "Do you always sleep with your prosthetic on?" I blurt out. I didn't mean to ask about it, at least not like that. I just want him to be comfortable. "Oh, um, no I don't." he replies. I pull the blankets back and reach for his leg. "Oh, Katniss. You don't have to I just think it's easier-," he begins, but I cut him off. "Peeta please, I want you to be comfortable." I say.
He contemplates for a second before saying, "Okay." I reach for his leg again, pulling up his sleep pants high enough to where I can take his prosthetic off. Once I have it detached, Peeta sighs in relief. I smile at him and place the prosthetic on the side of the bed where he can reach it if he needs it. I pull the leg of his pants back down and place my hand gently on the stump of his leg. He jumps in surprise at my touch and looks up at me. "Don't ever feel embarrassed by this. At least not with me, please." I say. "Okay," he replies again quietly.
Satisfied with his answer I pull the blanket back up over the both of us and make myself comfortable in his arms. I reach over him and switch off the lamp letting the darkness flood the room.
"Goodnight, Katniss."
"Goodnight, Peeta."
A/N: I rewrote this chapter like three times and each would have led the story into a whole different route, but I hope you enjoyed this version! Reviews are appreciated!