I've always wanted to share this headcanon; and I'm glad I finally found a good excuse to fit it in here!
Part 37: Plans
Zim threw the controller across the room with a howl. Dib was trying his damn best not to burst out laughing as Gaz's character collected the rewards. Zim grabbed a pillow, pulling it, and Dib could tell he was trying not to rip it apart.
"Want to go again, alien? Sixteenth time's the charm, right?" Gaz teased. Zim growled. He wanted to play again. But his pride was telling him to just take the losses while he was below twenty. He turned to Dib instead.
"What time is the bus?" he asked.
"About ten minutes, and it's a five-minute walk." Dib said. Zim tossed the pillow aside.
"Alas, Gaz, we're going campus touring today. Dib insists on arriving on the busss," Zim hissed. He hated them; but Dib didn't want to drive, and they couldn't take his Cruiser. Gaz gave a noise of disgust and Zim felt somewhat validated.
"Love the hiss. Really brings out the rage." Gaz said. She tossed her controller onto the table, pointedly ignoring Zim's growing blush. Dib smack his back reassuringly.
"Maybe one day," he said.
"What campus?" Gaz asked.
"Peidmont Uni. The one that's about thirty minutes away. I figured, if I was going to narrow my choices down and one so close came up, it'd be nice if I liked it enough. Thirty minutes isn't very far; I could take the bus home every weekend if I wanted to." Dib explained.
"If you can tear yourself away from the homework. Hey, Zim, make sure he doesn't exhaust himself?"
"He'll have Gir to deal with if he does," Zim promised. Dib gaped at him.
"That's evil."
"My specialty."
Dib pulled Zim off the couch. He called back to Gaz as they left. "I'll see you for dinner!"
"You and your boyfriend or just you?" Gaz called back. Dib slammed the door on her smirk.
Zim was still sore about his consecutive losses as they walked to the bus stop. His PAK dispensed some sanitizer into his hands; and he held the bottle close to this side. Dib sighed, somewhat contently. It was nice out, the weather hitting a consistency in the heat for the summer. Dib wasn't rocking his jacket as he usually would, switching it out for a regular shirt given the heat. Zim didn't seem to care for what the temperature was; or he didn't have any other clothes. Dib was never sure. Either way, he paid for the bus fare and they sat as far forward in the front as they feasibly could. Zim snagged two seats only four rows down. He took the window, already trying to distance himself from anyone else as quickly as possible. Dib slipped in beside him.
"It's not THAT dirty, you know."
"Don't care."
"We can see if I can get a car or borrow one of Dad's before the next campus tour, hm?"
"YES."
Dib laughed, resigning to watching the city dissipate into trees outside the window. Zim didn't take his eyes off the window the entire trip. Dib kicked his feet as their stop came up.
"We'll go to the park when we get back." He promised. Zim nodded. It took restraint for him to wait for Dib to leave the bus first instead of bolting over him. Zim looked around at the campus, taking in the campus' layout and buildings. He hummed.
"Dib, have you researched this college well?" Zim asked. Dib pulled him along to the lecture halls.
"I have. I researched them all, and so did you, I'd bet money on it." Dib said. Zim smirked. He couldn't deny he had. And he couldn't deny this school seemed to be acceptable for Dib's level of intellect. The fact Zim doubted there were many who could improve on what Dib already had was irrelevant. The school had passed, along with two others, into Zim's final handful of possibilities. He was grateful Dib seemed to have come down to a similar, if larger, list.
"Where would you like to go first?" Zim asked. Dib had wandered over to a map. He hummed.
"Well, we could skip the guided tour if we wanted. I wouldn't mind taking it though. We can bail any time." Dib explained. Zim hummed himself.
He followed Dib around the campus, even as they joined the tour he stuck to Dib's side. It wasn't until the library that Zim started to break off. Dib was eyeing the second and third floors and broke off with him. He found Zim staring at a massive globe. A centerpiece to a geographical sciences portion of the library. Dib idly picked up a map of the library, snickering that there had to be one in the first place.
"Looks like they've broken it up into sections based on primary topic. History, Sciences, Culture and Sociology, Psychologies, Theoretical, Biological… wow, it just keeps going, doesn't it? How many floors are there again?"
Zim chuckled, waving for his attention. Dib glanced up. "Dib, is this globe accurate?"
"As accurate as they could get it. The landmass would be a little distorted; it is on most maps, globes included." Dib explained, stowing the map away for later. Zim hummed. Dib watched as his expression went from intrigued to conflicted. "What?"
"Just… glad the invasion didn't occur." Zim admitted. Dib smirked.
"As am I, for obvious reasons. But what brought that up?" Dib asked. Zim motioned vaguely to the globe in front of them. It was easily Dib's height, hoisted up by a giant version of the typical stand. It looked like cast bronze, but Dib wouldn't be shocked to discover if the globe was empty and the bronze was simply decoration. "What?"
"When Irkens conquer a planet, there's an Organic Sweep. It's protocol unless stated otherwise by the Tallest. Once the planet's main weaknesses are learned, and the Irken invader has successfully infiltrated and taken over, the Organic Sweep is implemented. Any intelligent races are forced to succumb to the Empire; and usually as slaves; but all other organic life is irrelevant." Zim explains. Dib grimaced.
"So, you just kill it all off? That's what the Sweep is?"
"Yes. Now that I've spent considerable time here without conquest as the goal; it does feel rather wasteful." Zim admits. "However, Irkens do ensure that the planet is given a purpose."
"How do you mean?"
"Foodcourtia was not always a food court planet. It was converted to aid in financing the Irken Empire's fleets. And there are several military planets. And a research prison. Irkens have even converted some planets into parking structures."
"PARKING?"
"More like a leeway station." Zim corrects.
"And… did they have plans for Earth?"
"Hmmm…. One moment." Zim searched through his PAK. It wasn't hard to find the information; but it took a moment to sift through the data and find the right information. He really should have been more frugal with the amount of reports he'd sent back when he was still planning on invading. "Ah, there it is. As I understand it, Earth was slated as a refuel station."
"Like a GAS STATION?" Did asked, sounding rather irritated. Zim's antennae perked up under his wig. He tilted his head at Dib.
"What?"
"That's it?" Dib asked.
"What do you mean 'that's it?'? This planet is so far out Zim almost starved on the trip over!" Zim exclaimed. "A refuel station is simply logical. Zim started to drag his finger alone the globe, tracing out paths. "They would have hollowed it out to store all the fuel tanks. With massive traffic lanes connecting stations and way points. Much like your interstates."
"It was going to be a gas station…" Dib mumbled. Zim looked at him quizzically again.
"You were… expecting something else." Zim surmised. Dib scoffed.
"Uh—a LITTLE."
"Ah. Apologies for disappointing you, Dib-stink. But, not every planet can be converted into something glamorous." Zim explained. He draped his arm over Dib's shoulders. "The weather would have made it difficult."
Dib sniggered. "Ah, even with humans destroyed; Mother Nature would find a way to make it hell."
"You sound quite smug about that." Zim says. Dib smirks.
"The amount of weather disasters each year? Yeah, it'd make it hard for a species that doesn't have weather on their own planet anymore."
Zim pouted. "Fair point, but still."
Dib linked their arms and started guiding Zim away. "I want to see the rest of the campus. The only things left on the docket were things we could just find ourselves."
"Zim wants to see the science labs."
"You read my mind!" Dib said, happily dragging Zim along. Zim scanned the campus as they walked through it. A thought struck Dib and he snapped to get Zim's attention. "Zim, that ship we saw when we went into space. What was it?"
"Didn't you already ask that?"
"Yeah. But do you know what alien race it belonged to?"
"Dib, aliens swap ships all the time. Unless it's a military vessel, it's likely it was sold at auction or shifted owners much like a car does with you humans." Zim explained. "They are essentially the same: a mode of transport."
"Oh. I wanted to know if they were going to leave crop circles." Dib mumbled. Now that he thought of it, alien-related phenomenon like crop circles had been happening less and less frequently since Zim had landed. "You said something about how they left because you were here."
"Yes."
"Why? Do Irken planets just get left to be conquered?" Dib asked incredulously. His eyes widened when Zim started nodding. "What?!"
"The Irken Armada is a fearsome military might," Zim explained. "A single well-trained Irken can hold their own against a fleet of enemy combatants, given that their military technology isn't more advanced. That is always a factor."
Dib bit his lip. "So… a planet that still hasn't gained space travel… would it be…"
"Equivalent to defenseless."
"…Oh."
Zim looked Dib over and laughed. "Dib, I'd never let anyone take Earth. This planet is a trash ball; but it is one I come to find I enjoy."
Dib smiled, adding another skip in his step. "Good. Because you'd be homeless otherwise."