"No. Say it again. With passion."

Monika wore a constant look of dissatisfaction ever since her fifth date stepped foot in her living area. If she had been a teacher? It would be the same look given for that one student would just couldn't grasp a basic concept of anything. And yet she still tried. Not because she was feeling particularly patient that night. No, only because she couldn't fit another dead body under the floorboards.

He ruffled his nose and tried not to gag at that awful smell hiding behind Monika's perfume. Focus on her...focus on her...he thought. Like a curious animal being lured into a cave. If it weren't for a work-related month-long dry streak, it would've bothered him- enough to head back to the bar where they met and sleep with another girl but this wouldn't take a minute. He thought at the foot of the door, but was increasingly doubting that claim.

"I love you."

"..."

"Look, can we just-"

"NO!," Monika shrieked. In the second she bared her fangs, he could've sworn he saw murderous intent. "Ahem...just...one more time please?~ From the top."

He sighed. "Monika...I have a secret to tell you."

"Hm? What is it?"

"I don't want to be married to Yuri anymore."

"What?! N-No, you made a-a-a vow and-"

"Monika. We're not right together. I want to be with you. Forever. Forever and ever."

"MC..."

"I love you."

Monika covered her mouth with her hands. She was high off of something alright. It would last for about a minute before her rational mind woke her up, but until then all she did was look at the look-alike and weep these...very real tears of joy.

"...MC...," she sniffled.

"Finally. You happy?"

She nodded and was immediately attacked. Just sitting there, imagining it really was him as he sloppily kissed her neck and began taking her clothes off. Pent up horny all the way- until he reached around her backside. Her hip to be more specific, where he felt numerous rectangular shapes in numerous sizes.

His eyes widened when one of them was a handgun, now free from her holster and glistening in the moonlight.

"M-Monika?"

"MC?"

"I told you, my name is not fucking MC! It's Tony! To-ny!"

She looked at him, then at the handgun, then at her lap. "...sorry. Are we still..."

"You a cop or something?," Tony asked. "Jesus Christ, what the fuck?"

While she sat there with other things on her mind, he also pulled out two spare magazines, a knife that looked too big to fit in her jeans and a taser. A damn tazer. Because after she was done shooting in self defense, she could then electrocute for good measure. But he was baffled how he didn't notice any of this beforehand. It wasn't like she was hiding it under baggy clothing. Quite the contrary actually.

"Tony," Monika whispered, looking at the mess of a living room behind him. "Did you ever love someone?"

"What?"

"Love. Did you ever love someone?"

"Yeah. Plenty of times. Now why the fuck are you carrying all this?"

"Do you believe in it?"

"What?"

"Are you deaf?! I asked do you believe in it!"

"Fuck this shit. I'm leaving. You crazy bitch-"

She said it so calmly. "Sit down."

He didn't need anything pointed at him to do so. Horny mode was deactivated and he could see the situation for what it was. There were beer cans and wine bottles strewn everywhere. An attractive half-naked woman on the couch. Weapons which easily looked like it didn't belong to her and now he had to spend who-knows-what time playing this game.

"What do you want?," he snarled.

"...he wouldn't say it like that," she muttered. "Just pretend. Please. I'm half-drunk and its been a rough week."

He couldn't believe his ears. "Look. You psycho. Leave me out of your sob-story prince-charming break up bullshit. I came here for a good night, not to be your fucking therapist which you probably need-"

"Fine. One hour for me, and one for you. Deal?"

"Deal? I SPENT FIVE HOURS BAR TO NOW!"

"What's one more. I'll do anything you want afterwards. Promise," she sighed in a defeated tone. The coercion didn't really align well with her fantasy.

"Oh my God- fucking fine. What do you want?"

"Talk to me like you love me."

"I can't. Just tell me what to say."

"Why not?"

"Because that's not how it works!," he yelled. "You want me to say meaningless generic feel good shit and I'll do it, but it's not love! You know why? Because there's nothing to it! There's no memories, no inside-jokes, no context! You won't understand anything that I say! Because I'm. Not. MC!"

"..."

"And the sooner you realize that, the sooner you can move on and start again! Is that so difficult?"

"You're right," she sobbed. "You're right. You're not MC."

In her teary state she climbed on top of her prey and let her ponytail loose. Practiced and perfected. Down to the teary smile. Because she would want no one else but MC to understand how grateful and happy she would be when they got together. Yes, no one else. Which meant she had no problem...

...taking the gun from the armrest and pointing it at his forehead.

"You're of no use to me then."

"NONONO WAIT!," he screamed.

"What is it?"

"I-I-I was joking! I can be him!"

"I'm glad to hear that!~," she chirped. "So...MC...wanna go out?"

"Yes! I would love to...!"

"Huh? I thought you were married? Oh, don't tell me!"

"Y-Yup. Not working out. Heheh..."

Her faux smile disappeared and she pulled the trigger. Six pounds of force on her index finger: so nonchalantly pulled, and he was dead. Blood forming a pool around his head, yet Monika continued to talk like he was still listening.

"...so you decided to leave her for me? What kind of fucked up world am I living in MC? Did those vows mean nothing to you? Can any relationship be replaced? I guess you're right. I mean people do change...I change...Yuri can change..."

She rested her head against his chest and peacefully drifted off to sleep. All things considered it was a step up from body pillows, she guessed.

"Gwuaahhhh..."

Some strange noises there husband.

But hearing MC let out all his stress in one long sigh made Yuri's efforts worth it. It had been a strict routine for her to wake up early on nice, warm Saturdays such as this and pamper her husband to the best of her ability. She had cleaned the house, prepared breakfast, gave him a massage, some other lewd things and to top it all off, a nice warm bath. All before midday.

Who cared that they were twenty something. Baths are great. Especially with other people.

"There there...," Yuri purred, petting MC's hair. He leaned the back of his head on Yuri's naked chest. "You've had a long, tiring week. Just relax and let me pamper you."

"I'm in heaven..."

"Thank you husband. I love you. I love you I love you I love you!," she hummed, wrapping her arms around him. She could never get used to how strange it was for her to actually be saying that to another human being. Up until this point, it was always said in her novels or to an inanimate object.

"I love you too," he said with too much happiness for one man to handle. "Don't forget that I've gotta pamper you as well."

"N-Nonsense! You do all the hard work around here. I've gotta make sure you're-"

"-Yuri," he interrupted. "I know how hard you've been working too. I can hear your keyboard clacking at night."

"E-E-Eh...?! I..."

She had a beet red face when MC turned around in the bath tub to face her.

"You're doing so well and I'm proud of you. Really. As a wife, as a student, as a writer, as everything."

"S-Stop! This is so...cringe!"

"You like that?," he laughed. "I could go on all day.'

"Ho? Indulge me."

"You're unbelievably gorgeous, you're a great cook, you're insanely motivated-"

"STOPSTOPSTOP!"

"-not to mention you're helping out Monika."

"Yeah, well the bentos I make are- wait what?," Yuri responded. "You're not helping her out as well?"

"I am. But I just...could've handled it better."

"Handled what better?"

"Yuri, she's always flirting with me. Even though I sat her down and made it clear to never do that again, she keeps doing it. And I don't know if this is just me but I think she implied she would get me fired if I complained to HR."

"The fuck she is."

"Helping out...it's like she doesn't understand what no means."

Yuri snarled at the thought of the brunette wearing revealing clothing to work, trying to elicit a reaction from MC. "I think I'll have a 'chat' with her."

"Dear...?"

"Don't worry. I'll make it real clear that you and I are married."