AUTHOR'S NOTE: This chapter is rated M.
Chapter 12
SIX FEET UNDER
Lacey screamed and threw her notebook across the room, narrowly missing Tracey.
"Hey!" he yelled over to her. "The fuck was that for?"
Lacey rolled her eyes. "I wasn't aiming for you! Not everything is about you!" she snapped. "I can't write a goddamn thing! What if someone tries to steal one of my songs again?! Huh? It's not like Zed's been writing a ton of new shit lately, except for that song he pulled out of his ass yesterday! What if he gets desperate?"
Tracey sighed and sat down across from Addison at the table. "Here we go again..." he mouthed. "So glad we've got one song done."
"I left myself completely vulnerable with him! And what did he do? He slept with me just so he could take my song! He knew I wanted more than a one night fuck! If he was still so hung up on his ex, he should have never slept with me!"
"I don't think Zed is hung up on anyone," Stacey laughed as she walked into the back room to join them. "I think he just doesn't do relationships. And I'm pretty sure he told you that… He's told everyone that… numerous times."
Lacey glared at her.
"I'm just saying..." Stacey whispered more to herself than anyone.
"Oh, he so is still hung up on this girl. First off, he has her name tattooed on the inside of his lip."
Addison started to cough and grabbed her water bottle, downing almost the entire thing.
"What's wrong with you?" Lacey asked her.
"Sorry… swallowed wrong" she shook her head. "I wouldn't worry too much about the tattoo thing...I mean… I wouldn't think that would mean he's hung up on her. Maybe he was just really young when he got it and things didn't work out."
"If that were the case he wouldn't have been saying her name in his sleep..." Lacey snapped back.
Addison felt flush. "Is it hot in here?" she fanned herself for a second before slipping out of her leather jacket.
"Baby girl has ink!" Tracey exclaimed as he noticed the tattoos on her arms. "Were you trying to hide them?"
Addison shook her head. "No. I've just been freezing since I got here."
"It's early September! It's not even that cold yet, honey."
She shrugged. "California girl."
"Cal-i-fornia gurls they're undeniable…." Tracey sang as he hopped up on the table and started to dance. "fine, fresh, fierce…."
Addison rolled her eyes and smiled before throwing a pillow at him. "Don't bring that bitch Perry into this."
"I've only got one," Stacey said as she stood up and pushed down the waistband of her jeans to show a heart made from a treble and bass clef. "How many do you have?"
"Um..." Addison mentally took a tally, making sure not to count her first one. "Nine...maybe ten if you count the back piece as two..." she shrugged. "I've kind of stopped counting."
Tracey's jaw dropped open. "Alright, these I have got to see! You're so tiny! Where the hell are they? Show and tell time!"
"No...really..." Addison tried to change the subject but Tracey had already pulled his pant leg up to show off a hyper-realistic fender guitar tattooed on the back of his calf. "Oh wow...that's awesome!" she smiled, admiring it. "The detail is phenomenal… I'm more of a Gibson loyalist, but still..."
Lacey rolled her eyes. "Oh God, not you too… Fucking Zed," she mumbled under her breath. She flipped her ponytail and recollected herself. "It's a good thing that tatt came out as well as it did...Tracey cried the entire time," she laughed. She pushed up her shirt sleeve to reveal a brightly colored half sleeve of birds resting on a cherry tree.
"Okay, that is beautiful. Where did you get it?"
"New York. My brother did all of ours," she smiled. "So...what do you have? You don't end up with that many tattoos without there being some good stories."
"Not all stories are good, and lord knows none of mine are..."
"Come on, Casey...pleeeeeeease..." Tracey begged with large puppy dogs eyes.
She sighed and stood up. "Fine...I got this one with my Dad a few years ago," she said holding up her right wrist to show a music staff with watercolor notes splashed across it. "Then I've got…." she held up her other wrist "Momento Mori' tattooed on this one."
"What does that mean?" Tracey asked, still perched on top of the table.
"Remember that you will die."
"Charming..." Lacey said with a slight eye roll.
Addison held out her forearm. "I have this one..." she said, not bothering to explain the words tattooed alongside a skeleton surrounded by flowers. She took off her shirt and turned around before taking off her bra to show off the ones on her back. She pointed to her right flank, "this one."
"A beautiful little fool?" Lacey asked.
She nodded her head. "It's a quote from the Great Gatsby… It's the best thing a girl could be in this world..." she shrugged. "Then I got the wings," she said motioning towards the large black angel wings that took up the majority of her back. "The words were added a few weeks later."
"Take these broken wings and learn to fly..." Stacey read. "Blackbird... from the Beatles?"
"Yeah," Addison said covering her breasts with her hands and turning back around. "Let's see...this one..." she said, motioning to the art deco-inspired breastplate tattoo with a single bright green light on top. "Another Gatsby inspired one… the lantern is supposed to symbolize hope and love and all that shit… Um...then I have an Alpha/Omega right here..." she said pointing to the side of her left breast.
"Religious?" Lacey asked.
"No… not in the least. Alpha & Omega, A and Z, the beginning and the end… it has a lot of personal meaning..." her voice trailed off as she explained. She put her bra back on and exhaled. "Where was I… oh, yeah…" she undid her pants and pushed them down her hips. "I have an Edgar Allen Poe quote here," she said pointing to the top of her bikini line.
"We loved with a love that was more than love..." Stacey read. "That's beautiful."
"Thank you," Addison said softly, not trusting her voice. She pushed her jeans down lower to show off her latest. "And this one..." she said with a flourish, displaying a rather gruesome looking bite with green and purple veins highlighted around it, "would be the most recent. It's a zombie bite."
"Nice La Perla."
She turned around to see Zed standing in the doorway. She blew him a kiss and flipped him off before pulling her pants back up. "Nope, Victoria's."
Lacey sneered at their exchange. "You know they fucked up the quote on your forearm, right?"
Zed walked in and looked over Addison's shoulder as she held her arm back out to look at it. He rolled his eyes. "It's not a fuck up. It's Latin for seize the night."
"How would you know?" Lacey snapped at him.
Zed shrugged. "I knew someone who used to say it and it kind of stuck with me," he pushed up the sleeve of his jacket and showed them the same words tattooed on his wrist. "Anyone can seize the day...where's the fun in that."
"We were just talking tatts, Zeddikins!" Tracey said. "Want to join our little show and tell? I'll show you mine if you show me the rest of yours," he said with a flirty wink.
"I'm flattered...really...but no thanks."
"Aww...come on Zeddikins." Addison teased. "You just got a whole eyeful of mine. It's only fair." She raised her eyebrow in challenge as she slipped on her black leather jacket, not bothering with her discarded t-shirt on the ground.
Zed smirked and shook his head. "You asked for it...try not to drool too much."
"In your dreams."
"Over and over again, princess," he winked at her before shrugging out of his jacket and pulling his shirt up over his head.
Addison did her best to keep her jaw from dropping. She had always loved seeing him without his shirt on, but the addition of all the ink now covering his arms and chest...she bit back a silent moan. His entire right arm was covered in a full zombie cemetery tattoo sleeve. She unconsciously took a step closer to make out the rest.
"Lookit, how cute!" Tracey said hopping off the table and walking over towards them. "You guys both have nerdy lantern tattoos!"
Addison looked down to Zed's left forearm. Sure enough, there was a green lantern with the words "Born back ceaselessly into the past."
"You both have Beatles tats, too," Stacey pointed out.
Addison grabbed his arm and held it out. "With every mistake, we must surely be learning," she read out in a barely audible whisper. "George Harrison fan?"
His heart was racing from the feel of her hands on him, even if it was just his arm. "He was vastly underutilized," he said catching her eye. "Don't you think?"
Addison smiled shyly as she continued to examine the ink. "A Cherry bomb, huh? What's the story there?" she smirked.
Zed laughed nervously. "Well, let's just say there's nothing hotter than a girl who can shred better than Joan Jett and make it look effortless."
"Queen of the night tulips?" She asked looking up into his eyes.
"They remind me of a girl..."
"Would that be the same girl whose name you have on the inside of your bottom lip?" Lacey sneered.
"You mean this one?" he asked looking over to Lacey and pulling his lip down to show her. "Sure is... the only girl I ever loved," he said, catching Addison's eyes.
Addison's breath caught, slowly she walked around him following the ink to his back. "What are these..."
"Oh...I got those in the army," he said nervously.
Addison stopped. "Army?"
"Yeah...got this one when I finished basic, and this one after my tour in Iraq, and this one after Afghanistan."
"Iraq and Afghanistan?!" she caught herself before she said anything else.
"Yeah," he whispered stepping away from her. He pulled his t-shirt back over his head. "You kids have fun with the rest of your little show and tell." He grabbed his jacket and walked back to the front of the bus. They all heard the door slam shut.
"Well, that was hot..." Tracey giggled. "I think that just gave me an idea for another song!"
Addison was reeling internally.
"I need a cigarette," she said more to herself than the band as she walked out of the room. She stepped off the bus and looked around, spotting Zed a few buildings away. She took off in his direction, catching up with him as he passed a small brick storefront. She reached out and pulled him into the side ally, tears threatening to fall from her eyes.
"Addi..."
She pulled back and punched him as hard as she could in the face.
"What the shit, Addison!" He yelled grabbing his face.
"You joined the fucking Army!"
"Yeah! So what!"
"What the fuck happened to Julliard?"
"Why do you fucking care?!"
"You could have fucking died over there!"
"Again, Addison! Why do you care? I tried calling you every fucking day for months! You obviously didn't give a shit then, so why do you, now!"
Her tears finally fell. "I couldn't talk to you! That doesn't mean I wanted you to die!"
"You could have fooled me..."
"You have no idea what I fucking went through!"
"Neither do you!"
They stared at each other, both panting from screaming, their noses almost touching. He pressed her back against the brick wall with his body and kissed her long and hard. She kissed him back with the same passion, her fingers tangling in his hair, pulling him to her with all her might. He groaned at how fervidly she responded to him, as their tongues moved frantically against each other. He turned her to face the wall, pushing her against it with his body. His hands ran down her arms, and taking her hands in his, he pulled her arms above her head then held her wrists in one hand high against the wall. Pressing his hard cock against her back, he whispered in her ear "Tell me to stop."
She moaned. "No."
His hand moved across her bare stomach, moving up under her bra so he could grasp her breasts. He rolled her nipple between his thumb and finger before pulling at the metal bar from her piercing, making her gasp and buck against him. "I didn't think you could get any fucking sexier...but the ink..."
"Oh, God..."
His hand moved down to unbutton and unzip her jeans, then flattening his palm against her, he slid it down the inside of her panties, his fingers brushing against her piercing, feeling how wet she was for him. "Addie..." Still holding her hands above her, he pulled her jeans and panties down with his other hand then unbuttoned his own jeans, pulling his cock out. "I want you so fucking bad..."
"Zed..."
He bent lower, running his hard length between her legs. "Tell me, Addison. Tell me you want me to stop."
"I can't." She started to cry. "I don't want you to stop." The tears ran down her face. He still wanted her, and God knew she wanted him.
His lips were on the side of her neck, sucking, licking, biting, then moved back up to her ear. "Tell me what you want then, Adds," he whispered.
"I want…I want you, Zed. I want you." At that moment, he pushed his length inside her, making her cry out.
"Is that what you want?" he asked as he moved in her, pushing up hard, making her breath catch.
She let out a moan. "Yes, it's what I want, God, yes."
Letting her wrists go, both hands went to her hips as he pulled her into him, driving his cock powerfully inside her. Her hands went flat against the hard brick so she was bent over, as she thrust her ass toward him.
"You like me inside you, don't you?"
"Very observant..."
He smacked her ass hard. "Don't be a brat."
"Don't know how else to be," she said looking over her shoulder and giving him the same look that haunted his dreams.
He leaned over her, his hand moving to her breast, his fingers pulling the metal bar in her nipple, his other hand tight on her stomach. God, she felt amazing. His memory was nothing compared to the real thing. He had no idea how he'd gone so long without feeling her.
"Addison, come for me..." His hand moved down to trace circles on her again, making an erotic sound come out of her. He could feel she was literally dripping wet as he glided in and out of her.
"Faster..." she moaned, feeling herself getting close.
Hell yeah, he could go faster. He plunged inside her harder and faster than felt her clamping down on him as she reached her climax. "Jesus, I forgot how damn good that felt."
His own climax came soon after as he thrust hard, moving until he was spent. Staying inside her, he bent, wrapping his arms around her waist. Breathing heavily he held her close, his face resting against her back. He kissed her shoulder then stood straight, pulling her up with him as he slid out of her. He turned her to face him then kissed her almost desperately. "Addison...I…"
She wrapped her arms around his neck as she started to cry. "I...I can't do this..." She pushed away and pulled her pants back up. "I'm… I'm sorry…" she turned around and ran off back towards the bus.
Her eyes were filled with tears as she ran back towards the bus. Years of closing herself off to feeling anything, destroyed in a single moment. The feel of his lips on hers, his hands moving across her body, him moving powerfully inside her…
"Woah!" Bucky said as she almost ran into him.
She blinked away her tears as he held her. "I'm so sorry, Bucky… I can't do this… I'm sorry…."
"Deep breaths..." he said rubbing her back. "What's going on."
"I need to play...or write...or….FUCK! All I have is my fucking bass!" she was nearing a panic attack.
Bucky lowered his voice further. "Addie-loo… you need to breathe..."
The use of his old nickname for her distracted her enough for her breathing to start to regulate.
"That's my girl..." he smiled. "There's a piano backstage…"
She sniffled and looked up at him. "Do you think they would mind if I went in and used it for a little while?"
"Will it help with all this?" he asked waving his hand around her.
"Usually does."
He looked around, making sure no one was around. "Adds, I know this has been hard. I know how difficult being on stage is for you. But please… give it another shot. I need this."
She wiped her eyes and nodded. "I know, B...I just need to get my head on straight."
He placed a gentle kiss on top of her head. "You've got about an hour until we need to start setting up for soundchecks… Use it however you need."
"Thanks."
"You're welcome…. Now let's go see if we can get you in there early."
.
Addison made her way through the dark hallway towards the rehearsal space, using her phone as a flashlight. The moment she saw the piano she let out a sigh of relief. She sat down and opened the lid. The feel of the cold ivory under her fingertips instantly comforting her. She played a few scales out of habit before cracking her knuckles and starting to play a melody. The notes flowed effortlessly through her. By the third time, words began to form in her mind. With a shaky breath, she started to sing.
"Help, I lost myself again
But I remember you
Don't come back, it won't end well
But I wish you'd tell me too
Our love is six feet under
I can't help but wonder
If our grave was watered by the rain
Would roses bloom?
Could roses bloom
Again?
Retrace my lips
Erase your touch
It's all too much for me
Blow away
Like smoke in air
How can you die carelessly?
Our love is six feet under
I can't help but wonder
If our grave was watered by the rain
Would roses bloom?
Could roses bloom?
They're playing our sound
Laying us down tonight
And all of these clouds
Crying us back to life
But you're cold as a knife
Six feet under
I can't help but wonder
If our grave was watered by the rain
Bloom
Bloom
Again
Help, I lost myself again
But I remember you..."
She smiled sadly to herself.
"I kissed a girl and I liked it, the taste of her cherry chapstick..." Addison rolled her eyes. "Fucking Katie Perry..." she pulled out her phone and answered it. "Have I ever told you how much I despise the ringtone you picked?"
"You know you love me," Bree giggled from the other end of the line.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah."
"Sorry, it took me so long to call you back. My brother was in town and it was just a whole thing, and then work was crazy..."
Addison cracked a small smile. "Bree...it's fine..."
"But you sounded so upset on the message. Is everything okay?"
She huffed out a breath. "Everything is a whole hell of a long way from okay right now."
"Did Bucky already piss you off? I swear, just when I think you two are finally getting along….What did that idiot do now?"
"Bucky didn't do anything...unless you consider dragging me on a tour where one of the members of the other band is my ex-boyfriend."
Bree was silent for a moment. "You don't do boyfriends..."
"I did..."
Addison heard a loud gasp and then the sound of Bree's phone hitting the ground. A second later she was back. "No fucking way?!"
"Way."
"Zed?"
"The one and only"
"How the ever-living fuck?! I thought your brother wanted to kill him? Why the hell would he even be managing him, much less have you anywhere near him?"
"He doesn't know they're the same person." The line was silent again.
"Girl, how?"
She let out a humorless laugh. "He's using a fake last name."
"And you're using his real one."
"Ironic… isn't it."
"But still! How does he not know?"
"Because when Z and I were dating, Bucky still didn't know if he was going to make his bones and join the family. I wasn't about to risk him going after Zed. You know how protective Bucky could get… There's a reason I didn't keep pictures out in the open."
"That's just… wow..." Bree was silent for another moment before she let out a loud sigh. "Addison… You know I love you… right?"
"Yeah..."
"Good, so don't take offense to this next question… Have you slept with him"
"...We didn't sleep..."
"Jesus Adds! It's only been 2 days! Did you just jump on top of him the first second you were alone with him?"
"No! … it was the third time we were alone..."
"ADDIE!"
"What? I can't
help it! It's Zed! I've never been able to control myself around him! You know this!"
"But that was BEFORE he knocked you up, cheated on you, moved to the opposite end of the country, broke up with you through a fucking letter, basically admitting to using you to get into school...shall I continue?"
Addison let out a small sniffle. "I know."
Bree sighed sadly. "But he's still Zed."
"Yeah...he's still Zed." They were silent for a moment. "He joined the military."
"WHAT?"
"Yeah..."
"Why, how, when?"
"I don't know."
"I swear you two..." Bree mumbled under her breath. "Does he know about..."
"No..."
"Are you going to tell him?"
"What's the point?" She dropped her head onto the piano and started to cry. "Bree… I can't do this… I can't be around him every fucking minute of every fucking day… It hurts...so much," she said wiping her eyes. "But I can't leave… Bucky needs me… He did so much for me after..."
"I know."
Addison sighed loudly. "What am I going to do?"
"You're going to remember that you are Addison Fucking Donnelly. Yes, you've been through hell, but you are still a badass, hotter than Hades, rock goddess."
She scoffed. "Yeah… with crippling anxiety who can't even look up from her bass without wanting to vomit and pass the fuck out."
"Fake it til you make it babe."
"Yeah.."
"Send me your tour schedule."
"Why?"
"Because I'm going to come to see you for your birthday, duh."
"You don't have to do that, Bree."
"Um, yes… I do. Besides, I'm going to need to re-bleach your roots."
"Fine. I'll talk to Bucky and ask him for the schedule."
"You don't know where you're playing this month?"
Addison let out a humorless laugh. "Nope...again, what does it matter."
"Yeah...I'm definitely coming to visit..." They were silent for another moment. "I ran into Mason yesterday."
"Bree…" Addison warned.
"I didn't say a word about you… Don't worry… Even though I think it's fucking stupid."
"So you've told me…. A few thousand times."
"And yet you still don't listen to me… "
"Yeah, yeah, yeah..." Addison looked up at the sounds of footsteps to see her step-brother walking towards her. "Hey, Bucky… Bree wants to know our schedule."
He held out his hand for the phone. Addison rolled her eyes but handed it to him anyway.
"Hey, Bree… I'll send you an email with all the upcoming tour dates on one condition…." he rolled his eyes at whatever was said on the other end. "Yes, I'm watching out for her. And don't think I'm not pissed that you didn't tell me she lost more weight."
"Why are you so obsessed about that?!"
He held his finger up and pressed it against her lips to keep her quiet.
"No, can you bring a couple of her guitars with you when you come?" he nodded his head and looked over to Addison.
"Bree says she's already got your stuff put into storage, but she'll grab whatever you want."
Addison's eyes lit up. She reached over and grabbed the phone back. "Thank you! Can you grab my Hummingbird and my '84 Les Paul?"
"English for us non-music nerds please?" Bree laughed.
She rolled her eyes again. "The Gibson rosewood acoustic with the flowers and hummingbird on it, and the cherry red electric I got when we graduated."
"Wasn't that easier?"
"Not really..."
"Whatevs… are you going to be okay?"
Addison looked up to Bucky who gave her an encouraging smile.
"I'm alright right now… Thanks for the pep-talk and for my guitars."
Bucky snatched the phone back. "And remember, her name is Casey and you don't know me… but would you mind cutting my hair while you're here?" He laughed at Bree's response. "See you soon." He hung up the phone and handed it back to Addison. "So… how are you feeling?"
She shrugged her shoulders. "Still hating you for making me do this… but I'll survive."
He let out a loud sigh of relief. "Thank you."
"You're welcome."
"Look, if things start getting too much… you can talk to Eliza. She knows everything."
"You told your girlfriend?"
"Yeah… she can be very, um… persuasive..."
"Eww, B… I don't want to know about your sex life."
"At least you've never walked in on me with anyone."
She rolled her eyes. "That was like seven years ago. Get over it."
"No can do, sis… There are some things you just can't bleach out of your brain." He pulled her into a hug and ruffled her hair. "Come on, let's get everything set up… you guys are headlining tonight."
Another show done. Addison was exhausted, mentally, physically, emotionally. She went through the motions during the meet and greet after. She flirted and flaunted, ignoring Zed's continuous attempts to get her attention. When she'd finally put in the bare minimum amount of time, she made her way back to the bus, collapsing into her bunk.
She had only been in there for a few minutes when she heard Stacey outside of her bunk.
"Hey, Casey...can we talk?"
Addison opened her bunk curtain to find Stacey standing there looking nervous. "Sure." She grabbed her phone and cigarettes and followed her off the bus and into the cool night air.
"I just wanted to warn you. Lacey is pissed the fuck off with you," Stacey said as they leaned against the side of the bus.
"What? Why?"
Stacey rolled her eyes, clearly not sharing Lacey's feelings. "The whole tattoo thing this afternoon and then whatever the hell that was in the green room… she thinks you were flirting with Zed."
"But I..."
"Look, I get it. He's hot. No one is immune to his charms...Trust me."
"You?"
She nodded her head. "If Lacey ever found out..."
Addison held her hand up. "I swear, I won't tell her."
Stacey noticeably relaxed. "Thank you...I still can't believe I did...especially with what just happened with Macey."
"Wait, this was recent?"
Stacey nodded again. "Yeah...actually it was just last night after the show. I want to blame it on post-show endorphins, but I can't."
Addison internally screamed and cursed, but kept calm and collected on the outside.
"Look, Zed has slept with or fooled around with EVERY member of the band..."
"Wait...even Tracey?"
"Only once...much to Tracey's dismay," she laughed.
"Who's full of surprises now..." Addison mumbled under her breath.
"What?"
"Nothing..." she said waving it off.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is, if it happens, it's fine. But be careful. If Lacey finds out..."
Addison held her hands up. "Enough said. I'll stay clear of him."
"Speak of the devil..." Stacey whispered making Addison look up. Zed was making his way across the parking lot towards the bus. "I'm heading back in… It's going to be at least a few days until I trust myself around him… the best sex ever!" she giggled before opening the door and walking back in.
Zed caught Addison's eye and motioned towards the side of the venue. She took a deep drag on her cigarette and followed. The second she made the corner, he pulled her to him and kissed her.
She moaned into his mouth before remembering herself. She pushed him away. "No..."
He looked at her, confusion clear on his face. "What?"
She took a step back from him. "We can't..."
"But earlier..."
"Earlier was a fucking mistake," she snapped. "It won't happen again."
"Is this because of Bucky? I saw you two together earlier… he called you Addie and was holding you..."
"What..." she shook her head. "No...This is because I don't fucking trust you!"
"I gave you every chance to stop earlier!"
"I can't trust myself either! So… just stay away from me. Don't talk to me, don't look at me..."
"That's how it's going to be?"
"Yeah, Zed...that's how it has to be..."
"What the fuck ever, Addison..." he mumbled under his breath as he stormed off.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Drama, drama, drama… Let's see if they can stay away from each other!
I'll be posting the inspiration pics for some of their tattoos on my IG page soon!
SONGS USED IN THIS CHAPTER:
Six Feet Under- Billie Eilish