Monika was choking on her tears.

Her stitches threatened to spill her guts, but she couldn't feel a thing. Only the crushing weight on her chest, as she gripped the steering wheel with both hands like her life depended on it. Her eyes were a blurry mess that did little to show how terrified she actually was. The car was dark and the forest outside was darker. The only source of light being the high-beams that lit up the road ahead that went on forever and ever and ever. Even though she was speeding well over the limit.

A small part of her hoped that she would crash. At this speed, she wouldn't feel a thing- the back of the vehicle would wrap around a tree faster than she could blink. But, seeing the never ending road, that idea took a back seat. She pulled over on the side of the road and just cried for a while. Slumped over the wheel, lifeless but trembling in pain. It was a Monika that no one knew- except for the ones that would die shortly thereafter. But Monika knew it all too well.

She felt lonely. For the thousandth. Goddamn. Time.

"...where were you?," she sobbed to the pain in her chest. "You s-show up now of all times?"

All she heard back was the sound of her own agonized wails. Her face was pointed down at her lap. She looked to the side, through her long curtains of tear stained hair. There was no one sitting next to her. Only a black wallet and a holstered handgun. It made her wish that maybe she hadn't killed that bodyguard. Maybe she could've somehow convinced him to drive her somewhere. She would've at least got a hug, she thought.

But she shook the thought out of her head. "He doesn't care," she sneered bitterly, wiping tears from her eyes with her sleeve. "He's just like the rest of them. Liars. Is that what you want Monika?! To be hugged by liars?! How pathetic."

The last part of that came out sounding more of a whimper. Like she hoped that not everyone in her reality would lie to her and isolate her and ignore her and suddenly she began gasping for air. Her mind wasn't merciful enough to let her hallucinate one MC sitting right next to her- but even that wasn't enough. Even if he was the one person who she trusted, she cared about him too much for him to even be friends with her. Let alone married...

Monika began giggling, still unable to stop the tears. "...MC?...married to a murderer? A liar? A...a...a..."

Her voice lowered to a whisper. "...a psychopath? MC, I-I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I'm sorry. You shouldn't care about me. I deserve this. I deserve this. I deserve this..."

THUMP THUMP THUMP!

Monika jolted up and snapped her eyes to the noise: there was the silhouette of a man outside the passenger side window looking in. Her hopelessness turned to rage in the blink of an eye. She ripped the Glock straight from its plastic holster and pointed it at the window.

"FUCK OFF!," she roared.

"Monika. Put the gun down and let me in. It's cold out here."

"...Winston?"

There was no mistaking the deep, gravelly voice that was the corrupt cop. She carelessly tossed the gun and wallet onto the floorboard and let him in. The interior lights of the old car were dim but Monika could make out his face alright. The grey beard stayed but his usual smug smile was gone. He looked very, very pissed off. Because it was four in the morning, cold as all Hell outside, and because someone had killed someone they weren't supposed to.

Monika fixed up her hair so that it didn't look like she had been ripping it out of her scalp. "How did you find me?," she sniffled.

He answered with a sigh. He made it clear he just wanted to go home and sleep. "Why did you kill Anton?"

"Oh. An-ton. Knew it started with an 'A'. Haha..."

"He was your bodyguard not your warden. You could've left at anytime without killing him."

Monika stayed silent.

"But no. It's just in your nature, isn't it?," he remarked.

...

"...that's not very nice," Monika quietly said, a little hurt by him.

He sighed even louder this time while shaking his head. "Did you kill anyone else? Anything I need to know?"

She shook her head. By the way her head was positioned, Winston could tell that she was looking out the window, still offended- no, dejected by his previous remark. He felt like an estranged father trying to talk to his teenage daughter.

"Here," he said, waving a phone in front of her. She held the cold slab of glass and metal with both hands. "Since you didn't take his phone...no doubt you were driving aimlessly."

"...thank you."

He got out of the car, but before he disappeared into the dark he warned her: "Don't kill any of my guys again, do you understand?"

"I understand."

"And don't do anything illegal for the next week or so. It'll take some time for us to clean all of this up."

She looked where he walked off. Turns out he had driven up behind her with his lights turned off- and now he got in and turned right back around to the hospital. Seeing this, Monika sobered up, started the engine and drove off as well.

"I really need to see you MC," she muttered.

A little while later, Monika found herself standing in front of MC's apartment door. She knocked three times, waited for a minute and repeated. Over and over again. Until the sound must've become a part of MC's dream. But luckily it was six in the morning by then, around the time when he would usually wake up to go to work.

Her forehead was resting on the door. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK! So she pretty much fell flat on her face when the door opened unexpectedly, much to MC's surprise. So much for asking who's at the door.

"Owowow...," Monika groaned sheepishly. She looked up at MC. "Heya MC..."

He made this weird noise of disbelief- a sort of half-laugh. There, by his feet, was an alley-cat looking girl dressed in a contrasting black three-piece suit. Her hair was oily, the white ribbon was no longer a crisp piece of fabric, and she looked very tired overall.

"...hey Mon," he replied, helping her back on her feet. "Are you okay? You look like you haven't slept."

He didn't protest when Monika embraced him in a long, gratifying hug. "Mmm...I'm okay. Now that I'm here. Sorry to wake you like this."

"It's okay." The girl wasn't really 'listening' when he began talking about breakfast and work and such. Her sleep deprived mind only understood warmth and fuzzy feelings. She followed him in and snuggled up under the blanket on the couch, where sleep threatened to knock her unconscious despite the fact that there was so much to enjoy in that moment. 'He must've fell asleep on the couch..', she thought happily, noting the residual warmth and the open novel on the coffee table.

She closed her eyes for a while. But the sweet smell of pancakes was getting closer and closer, and when she opened her eyes lazily, there was a cozy plate of pancakes on the coffee table along with a mug of coffee. MC sat next to her. He could practically see the dopamine surging in her mind as she quietly munched away at her food.

Soft rays of sunlight leaked through the closed curtains and birds woke up singing. Which reminded Monika: "Do you have work?," she asked.

He shook his head. "Day off," he said, taking a sip of his oolong tea.

"Mm."

The two were comfortably quiet for a while, as they both took their time with breakfast. Not thinking about anything really- MC was just pleased to see Monika after weeks and weeks of non-stop work.

"Aren't you gonna ask why I'm here?," Monika asked, feeling a little guilty.

"I was, but you look really out of it."

She put her empty plate back down on the table. "What? No no, I'm fine. Really. We have the whole day off today, we should do something fun. U-Unless...y'know. Yuri."

"Yuri's in Paris."

"Oh?"

"Book tour."

"Oh."

They both sipped at their warm drinks and a thought came to Monika. "Huh. Is that why you look so serene?," she joked.

"Yeah, erm...well, it's actually cause you're here."

"MC..."

"I'm serious Mon. I didn't know where the hell you've been for the past week. I've been calling you but you didn't pick up," he sighed angrily. "I even called the police to look for you- God...I know you're an adult an all but...you could've at least called."

The world didn't seem like such a bad place while she was being held by MC. Her eyes widened. If only this feeling could last forever. The same warm, fuzzy feeling in her chest she first felt back in her Literature Club days. But guilty thoughts prevailed. She gently pushed MC off of her while looking away, on the verge of tears.

"Monika?"

"Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like you're concerned about me."

He recoiled back. He couldn't believe what he was hearing from the girl. "Wha...Mon...? I...I am concerned about you. What are you talking about?"

Her eyes couldn't be lower. She would be reminded of who she was if she looked MC in his eyes. A very, very different person who can never be normal like him, despite how hard she pretended. All of this, the pancakes, the couch, the warmth of everything around her? No, it wasn't for her.

"Mon?" The damn voice of concern made her sob. "Monika? Talk to me...what's the matter?"

"I...no, I can't. I can't!," she wept. "We're too different-no no, we're too different..."

MC tilted his head, confused, concerned, and more words that couldn't describe how worried he was about her. He felt as scared as her, but she wouldn't let him get any closer, instead keeping herself sat on the opposite end of the couch. There she poured her heart out like no human had ever done before. Even the universe as indifferent as it was, couldn't help but feel her pain.

"I've killed too many people," she thought, gripping onto the blanket so tight that her arms began shaking. The loneliness crushed her yet again. "I lied to people. Betrayed them. Hurt them."

She continued her psychotic internal rant. "What am I even doing here? Everything I touch turns to shit- I can't do that to MC! I can't lie forever, he's going to find out who I am and then he's going to realize what a monster I am-"

Her heart stopped. MC pulled her in and joined their lips together. Well and truly, they were kissing. But Monika had her eyes open, just watching MC and herself. And oh, she was angry. She shoved him back so hard he fell off the couch and hit the back of his head on the floor. The pain didn't even register, compared to when he saw the look of scorn Monika shot towards MC as she stormed towards the door.

Isn't this what she wanted? She didn't have to coerce or blackmail him- MC expressed love towards Monika for the first time, and yet all she felt was hopelessness. She kept telling herself she was sacrificing the world for his sake, but deep down she knew: it was all for herself. It was all to fuel her disgusting nihilism and indifference and impulse. Just as she reached for the doorknob, MC grabbed her arm and they began fighting. A chaotic, violent dance. She shoved and he grabbed. She punched, clawed and kicked, and he did the same. Objects, including the plates that the two enjoyed breakfast off of, were thrown at each other, and within the minute MC's apartment turned upside down.

But MC was the one to be turned into a bloody, bruised mess, while Monika was unscathed- save for the stitches that came loose on her belly. While she stared MC down, a panting mess lying against the wall, her mid section slowly turned red and blood ran down her pants.

"You're bleeding," MC panted. He ignored his pain and ran off. A few moments later, he came back with a first-aid kit in his hands.

"Don't touch me," she whispered, backing away.

He continued and Monika bared her teeth. "I said don't you fucking touch me."

"Monika-"

"-how could you...?," she snarled. "I thought you loved Yuri. No, you're married to her- you can't just do something like that."

"Let me help you," he responded. "We can talk about this later, just take this bandage-"

"ANSWER ME!"

The pool of blood surrounding her feet got larger and larger, and her face was becoming scarily pale. But she would happily spend her last moments defending the one thing she believed in. Otherwise, she would truly lose all hope for humanity, if two people couldn't love each other forever.

"...do you think I'm stupid?," MC began, growing more and more frustrated. "Yeah, I know you lie and manipulate as easily as you breathe, but I don't give a shit about that. I still care about you. I just...couldn't watch you cry like that. So I gave you the one thing I thought you wanted and I'd do it again to stop you from suffering!"

She was at such a loss for words that her legs became weak and let her collapse. Or maybe it was because her skin was losing color. MC caught her just in time and immediately began patching her up, ignoring the fact that her torso looked like it had just been attacked by a tiger with six-inch metal claws.

There was no doubt that if she died, she would die furious. MC had just betrayed Yuri. Were those vows meaningless? Great, then Monika could get married to MC instead. But if he was willing to cheat on Yuri, there wouldn't be anything to stop him from doing the same with Monika.

No, all this time Monika just wanted to believe in love before she left. That there was in fact something stronger than a simple girl with a knife, a gun and a couple of bullets. She faded in and out of consciousness. When she woke up, feeling more anger than pain, she was lying in the back of MC's car. On the way to the hospital, presumably.

"...M...C...," she groaned, clutching her stomach.

He gave her a brief look. "You're insane, you know that?"

"No...hospital..."

"Shut up or I'll tie you down with duct tape."

Panic began setting in for the girl, remembering what Winston had told her. A twenty-something year old woman with multiple stab wounds comes waltzing in to the hospital? Not only that, but when they take a closer look, they would find bullet scars dotted all over her body. That's not suspicious at all.

She peered out the window. They were on a road with a forest to the right of them, and the only way to disappear into it was to roll down a steep, bumpy hill. She readied herself to do something even more insane.

"MC...I love you."

"What are you-"

She hauled herself out of the moving car and there was no time to feel pain. MC slammed on the brakes and chased after her, but he was too late. Monika had already climbed over the waist high railing, tumbled down the hill, disappeared into the dark forest and was probably already at the airport. With nothing but an eye for a certain city in a certain country.

AN: Thanks gonzaleznael18 again for the review! Karimalibhai123, there's a reason why Sayori hasn't told Natsuki yet, don't worry I've got it all planned!