AUTHOR'S NOTE: This chapter is rated M.
Chapter 19
NICOTINE
"This last song tonight is a new one, written by our very own smoke-show bassist, Casey!" Tracey rasped into the mic as he wiped his sweaty hair off his forehead and started to play a few tinkling notes on the keyboard.
Zed's head whipped towards the stage at the sound of her name.
"Cross my heart and hope to die
Burn my lungs and curse my eyes
I've lost control and I don't want it back
I'm going numb, I've been hijacked
It's a fucking drag
I taste you on my lips and I can't get rid of you
So I say damn your kiss and the awful things you do
You're worse than nicotine..."
Zed watched from the side of the stage. His eyes never leaving Addison. For the first time since she joined the tour, she was actually starting to get into the music. Of course, that could be because this was the first decent thing the Acey's had ever played.
"I'm losing to you, baby, I'm no match
I'm going numb, I've been hijacked
It's a fucking drag
I taste you on my lips and I can't get rid of you
So I say damn your kiss and the awful things you do
You're worse than nicotine
You're worse than nicotine..."
As they got to the bridge, Addison glanced to the side of the stage, knowing his eyes would be on her.
"Just one more hit and then we're through
'Cause you could never love me back
Cut every tie I have to you
'Cause your love's a fucking drag
But I need it so bad
Your love's a fucking drag
But I need it so bad..."
She ran her tongue along her bottom lip and threw him a wink.
"You're worse than nicotine
You're worse than nicotine"
Cheers and screams filled the air as The Acey's took a bow. The moment that they exited the stage, Tracey nearly tackled her. "THAT SONG WAS EVERYTHING! DID YOU SEE HOW CRAZY THE CROWD WENT?!"
Lacey sneered and pushed past them towards the green room.
"I think she's pissed..." Stacey muttered as she threw her arms around Tracey and Addison. "But I don't really care. That was epic!"
Addison couldn't help the smile that was spreading across her face.
"Band meeting, now!" Bucky shouted, getting their attention as he pointed towards the green room.
They gave each other a wary glance before starting after him.
As they walked down the hall backstage, Zed grabbed Addison's arm, holding her back.
She turned back to look at him. "What the..."
"Shhh…." he motioned for her to follow him, leading her onto the fire escape.
"Bucky's going to have my ass for not being in th…." she started as they stepped out into the cold night air, only to be cut off by his lips crashing into hers. His arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her into him. His frantic kisses making her dizzy.
She gasped and pushed him away. Her lungs heaving for oxygen. Her brain a fucking mess of emotions.
After a thirty-second standoff, she crossed her arms over her boobs. "Just friends… remember..."
He smiled and pulled her back into him, biting her bottom lip and pulling it, making her moan. "Don't forget to check out our set."
She rolled her eyes and gently pushed him away, hiding her smile with a smirk. "I'll see if I can make it."
"Meet me back out here, after..." he threw her a wink and walked back inside.
"Cocky bastard..." she mumbled to herself as she smiled and leaned her head against the wall. She took a deep breath. "Just friends..." She repeated it to herself a few more times before heading back in to catch up with the rest of The Acey's.
"Where the hell were you?" Bucky snapped the second she walked through the door of the green room.
She rolled her eyes and grabbed the bottle of tequila from the table and sat down next to Tracey. "Needed some fresh air… what's got your panties in a twist?"
"I was just telling the rest of your band-mates that I want you writing more, so thanks for finally showing up."
"Fucking bullshit..." Lacey mumbled.
"You don't like it, then write something! That was the most life I've seen in one of your shows in a long fucking time!" Bucky snapped back.
Lacey stood up and glared. "I'm out… maybe I'll be back by the morning," she sneered as she pushed past him and stormed out the door.
"And that… right there… is what has my 'panties in a twist'..." he said looking over to Addison.
"Oh, relax, B..." Tracey said as he stood up. "She'll be back. She's just being her typical dramatic self."
"I hope you're right."
"I am… Now, I'm going to go hit the bar and shmooze with some fans since we're not having a meet and greet tonight. Ladies, you with me?"
Stacey shook her head. "Not tonight. I'm beat… I'm going to go back to the bus and pass the fuck out."
Bucky rolled his eyes. "Do you need to go to the doctor or something? You've been exhausted for like a month."
She shrugged her shoulders and stood up. "It's just road exhaustion. I'll be fine… Night guys."
Tracey looked over to Addison hopefully.
"I'll meet you down there, Trace."
He smiled wide and clapped. "Yay! Thanks, Casey!" he said excitedly as he walked out the door.
Bucky waited until he heard Tracey's footsteps going down the stairs before he turned back towards Addison. "Good job tonight, Sis."
"Thank you Brother-dear."
"I was serious though, I want you writing more. You're good for this band."
"I don't think Lacey agrees with you," she said as she stood up.
"Don't worry about Lacey."
"I keep hearing that… But I don't trust her."
Bucky rolled his eyes. "Why do the women in my life keep doing this..."
"Come again?"
He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "E doesn't trust her either."
"Well, maybe you should listen to your girlfriend."
"Adds," he whined. "Help me out here…"
"Isn't that why I'm here in the first place?"
He nodded his head. "Yeah… But you're supposed to be helping me keep this band together. Why don't you trust her?"
"She's lying."
"About..."
"She didn't write the song she claims that Zombies stole," she replied as she raised the bottle of tequila to her lips and took a large swig.
"How do you know?"
"I just know, okay!" she snapped. "She's lying about the song, she's been trying to dig up info on me… I just..." she closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I just don't trust her, and neither should you."
"Noted. But unless I have more info, I can't do anything about it."
"I'm not asking you to implode the band, B."
"But that's what would happen. Her ego is already taking a hit, but it's needed for the sake of the band… If I push her too far..." he let out a frustrated sigh.
"Hey..." she hugged him and rested her head on his shoulder. "You're a great manager. Don't be so rough on yourself… You should know by now that musicians are fucking crazy."
He smiled and leaned his head against hers. "Yeah… learned that lesson the hard way."
"Yet you still love me."
"Always will, Addie-loo."
"Ugh..." she pushed him away laughing. "Bonding moment, ruined." She took another sip of tequila and capped the bottle. "So… any big plans tonight since we're here again tomorrow?"
He smiled and nodded his head. "Already have reservations at the hotel down the street… let's hope E and I can both get away without anyone noticing.
"I'll see what I can do," she said as she threw him a wink. "Now come on, your girl is already on stage."
"So, what did I miss?" Addison asked as she sat down at the bar next to Tracey.
He smirked and downed his cosmo. "Not much. The crowd is WAY more into Zombies than us," he turned to glance at the stage. "Can't really blame them… look how in sync they are."
Addison followed his gaze, her eyes automatically locking on Zed. She could still feel the sting of his teeth on her bottom lip. She let out a shaky breath and closed her eyes, willing herself to focus on Tracey instead. "We'll get there."
He met her eyes and smiled. "Damn right we will! Especially now that we've got the all-clear to work on your songs!" He flagged down the bartender. "I need another cosmo, and this gorgeous thing here needs a tequila and perrier and your number..."
The bartender smiled as Addison playfully pushed Tracey off his barstool.
"I'm sorry about my very forward, band-mate," she laughed.
"Nothing to apologize for," he replied with a wink. "You were pretty hot up on that stage tonight."
"Thanks..."
"How's it going tonight?" Zed growled into the mic, catching her attention. She stole a glance towards the stage just as a lacey black bra landed at his feet. She watched a smile spread across his face, clearly eating up the attention. "Bastard..." she mumbled to herself as she turned back towards the bartender and smiled as they stuck up a conversation, doing her best to ignore Zed and the gravelly sound of his voice as he sang.
"You're mom don't know that you were missing
She'd be pissed if she could see the parts of you
That I've been kissing..."
Addison sat up a little taller. "Hold that thought..." she apologized to the bartender and turned herself towards the stage.
"So come on baby, get in
Get in, just get in
Check out the trouble we're in
You're beside me on the seat
Got your hand between my knees
And you control how fast we go by just how hard you wanna squeeze
It's hard to steer when you're breathing in my ear
But I got both hands on the wheel while you got both hands on my gears
By now, no doubt that we were heading south
I guess nobody ever taught her not to speak with a full mouth
'Cause this was it, like flicking on a switch
It felt so good I almost drove into a ditch
I'm screamin'
No, we're never gonna quit..."
Addison nearly spat her drink out across the bar as the words Zed was singing fully registered.
"Jesus, Case… you okay?"
She coughed and cleared her throat, "I'm fine..." she flashed him a smile and focused back on the stage.
"We were parked out by the tracks
We're sitting in the back
And we just started getting busy
When she whispered what was that..."
"He fucking didn't..." she mumbled silently.
"...The wind, I think 'cause no one else knows where we are
And that was when she started screamin'
That's my dad outside the car..."
She dropped her head down in embarrassment. "He did..." she laughed to herself.
"...Oh please, the keys, they're not in the ignition
Must have wound up on the floor while we were switching our positions
I guess they knew that she was missing
As I tried to tell her dad it was her mouth that I was kissing
Screamin'
No, we're never gonna quit
Ain't nothing wrong with it
Just acting like we're animals
No, no matter where we go
'Cause everybody knows
We're just a couple of animals..."
She bit her lip and laughed a little harder, whether it was from the actual memory of that long-ago night, or the fact that he wrote a song about it, she didn't know.
"So come on baby, get in
We're just a couple of animals
Get in, just get in
Ain't nothing wrong with it
Check out the trouble we're in
We're just a couple of animals
Get in, just get in"
She turned and looked at Tracey, laughing even harder. "How long has that been a song?"
He shrugged and smiled. "For a couple of years at least, why?"
"It's fucking hilarious!"
He let out a chuckle and shook his head, "I guess it is, isn't it."
"We're gonna take it down and throw it back a little..." Zed purred as Eliza started a soft cadence on the drums. "This next song is one of the first songs we ever wrote... I miss you, miss you…" he gently sang.
"Wow, they're really going old school tonight," Tracey said. "They haven't played this one in a while."
Addison slowly looked back towards the stage again.
"Hello there
The angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim
Of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
And we'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends..."
She sat there frozen as his words washed over her.
"I miss you, miss you
I miss you, miss you..."
Their eyes connected across the crowded room as everything else around them seemed to disappear.
"Where are you?
And I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
The webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
And hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop the pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight..."
Her breath was coming out in shallow pants.
"Don't waste your time on me
You're already the voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)
Don't waste your time on me
You're already the voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)
Don't waste your time on me
You're already the voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)
Don't waste your time on me
You're already the voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)
I miss you, I miss you..."
Addison had tears in her eyes as the crowd cheered around her.
Zed held her gaze as he leaned into the microphone. "Forever." He threw her a wink and launched into the next song.
She couldn't move.
"Casey… you okay?" Tracey asked, obviously concerned.
She wiped at her eyes. "Yeah… I'm fine, Tracey," she smiled. "I'm sorry about that, I need to…" she gestured toward the exits. "...cigarette." She stood up abruptly and walked outside.
The cold night air hit her hard as she leaned against the side of the building. Her head swam with endless questions.
"Hey..."
She looked over to see Tracey walking over to her.
"For like the hundredth time, are you okay?"
She nodded her head. "Yeah… just… needed some fresh air."
"I thought you needed a cigarette?" he said as he motioned to the lack of cigarette in her hand.
Addison let out a soft laugh. "Some things not even nicotine can fix..."
"What's going on Casey."
"What do you mean?"
He propped himself against the wall next to her. "I mean, you were fine one second and then the next you were… I don't know… It was like you saw a ghost or something."
"It's nothing really," she smiled.
"You sure?"
"Yeah, I'm fine… Let's just go back in. It's fucking freezing out here."
When the set finally ended Addison made a bee-line back towards the fire escape they had been on earlier. Song after song had been about her or their relationship. She needed answers, and she was going to get them… Of course that went straight out the window the second he walked outside.
Without a second thought, she grabbed him and slammed him against the door as it closed, crashing her lips against his.
He pushed off the door, pinning her to the bricks with his body, a tangle of leather and plaid, as they kissed.
Her breath rushed as his tongue swept over hers, an agonizing reminder of just how much her body missed him. She twisted her thighs together.
"I thought you said we couldn't do this… We're just friends..."
"Shut up and kiss me Zed…"
Sweat from the stage evaporated off their goosebumped skin in the chilly night air. His chest crushed against hers, his hard cock arched into the cradle of her hip.
She tried to keep up with his mouth, but the feel of him pressed against her knocked her motor function into reboot mode. His fingers lifting her skirt and softly rubbing her clit through her soaking wet underwear as he kissed her into the wall.
"Yo, Zed!" They heard Eliza call out from inside.
"Should you..." he cut her off with another kiss.
"Ignore her..."
"Zed!" They heard, getting closer.
"I think he's on the fire escape," Bonzo called out.
He groaned and pulled away. "We're not done here, understood."
She bit her lip and smiled as she adjusted her skirt, just as Eliza opened the door.
"There you are… Oh, hey Princess," she said as she looked between the two of them. "Um… either of you up for a little baking? One of the security guards hooked me up big time!"
"Like you even need to ask, E," Zed laughed.
"I'm in!" Addison said excitedly.
"Come on then!" Eliza said pulling them along.
.
"You look like a bat," Eliza laughed as Addison hung upside down from the crawl space above the driver's cabin.
"I am the night...fear me!" she giggled, exhaling and handing the joint back to Eliza.
"God, you are so weird...in the very best way."
Addison flipped down, landing on her feet.
Tracey stood up and applauded. "Perfect score! Were you a gymnast too?"
"Nope, I was a cheerleader," she mock whispered.
"No way!"
"Way..." Bonzo said from his spot on the floor. "Bree showed me photographic proof."
Addison rolled her eyes. "Of course she did."
"You two were adorable in those uniforms… Is it true you used to not wear anything under though?
Zed coughed on the smoke he was holding in.
"Do we really need to discuss that?" Bucky asked as he spun around in one of the captain's chairs. "No one wants to hear about your undergarments… or in this case, lack thereof."
"Speak for yourself!" Tracey giggled, throwing a pillow at him.
Addison shook her head and smiled. "Oh, lighten up, Bucky!" She looked back over to Bonzo, "And if you must know, I always had on AT LEAST underwear… unless my boyfriend got carried away and ripped them."
Bucky faced palmed and groaned as Zed coughed again on another puff.
"Dude… you okay?" Eliza asked him.
He coughed a few more times and nodded vigorously. "Fine… perfectly fine..."
"If you say so..." she stood up and grabbed the joint from him. "No more for you for a few minutes."
Tracey stood up and walked over to the cabinet stereo. "We need music in here." He fiddled with the controls for a moment before the sounds of Nine Inch Nails started to play from the speakers. "Ugh… I love this song! I mean really, name a better Nine Inch Nails song than Head Like a Hole… I'll wait."
"Uh, no… sorry, Tracey… But everyone knows that the best Nine Inch Nails song is Closer," Zed said from the bench seat.
"I'm with Zed..." Addison added. "I mean, that man single-handedly created sex when he released that song!" She bit her lip and closed her eyes, "Mmm… Trent Reznor wearing a leather blindfold, tied up, suspended… And oh my god, the way he licks that microphone..." she shivered and smiled. "I swear that video is the sexiest damn thing I've ever seen."
"That totally explains your taste in porn," Bonzo laughed.
"Yeah… On that note, I'm heading out," Bucky said as he handed the joint back to Eliza and stood up stretching. "I don't need to hear about anyone's porn preference."
"Aww, you're no fun, B," she teased. "I was just about to explain the subtle differences between Shibari and Western rope bondage!"
"I swear you are into some weird shit..." he muttered, turning a lovely shade of red as he walked towards the exit. "I definitely need a night away from this bus..."
"Don't kink shame me!"
Eliza, Bonzo, and Tracey were practically on the floor laughing as Zed stared at her with wide eyes, casually grabbing one of the throw pillows and placing it over his lap.
"Oh, my God, Princess… that was priceless," Eliza managed to get out in between laughs. "I've never seen anyone turn that shade before… how did you come up with that?"
She smiled and sat down on the bench next to Zed. "I totally would have walked him through the basics. Maybe if someone tied him up, he wouldn't be so uptight."
Eliza sat up, suddenly very serious as she passed her the joint. "Wait...you really are into that stuff?"
Addison took a puff and held it as she nodded her head. She passed it to Zed and exhaled. "Yeah, I mean, who isn't into a little light bondage every now and then?"
Zed coughed again as he tried not to laugh, knowing damn well she liked way more than "light".
Addison shook her head and subtly elbowed him as hard as she could.
"Okay, I'm signing up for lessons!" Eliza called out as she started to look around the room.
"I'd sign up to watch!" Bonzo chimed in.
"You and me both!" Tracey laughed.
"OOH! I've got it!" Eliza jumped up and ran out of the room.
"How you doing over there, Z… you look a little… uncomfortable?" Bonzo teased.
Before he could respond, Eliza came running back into the room. "Here!" she said throwing Addison the tie from a bathrobe. "What can you do with that?!"
Addison caught the tie and stared at Eliza. "You really want to know?" Eliza nodded excitedly, making Addison giggle. "All right..." she turned to Zed. "Wrists, please."
His head snapped over to her. "What?"
"I said...wrists… now."
He swallowed loudly and held his wrists out. "Yes, ma'am," he whispered, meeting her eyes and slightly arching his brow.
A wicked smile played on her lips. She always did like it when he was submissive. "So..." she began as she ran the tie over her hand. "Obviously, I can't do a full suspension, or really even a TK without a lot more rope, but..."
"What's a TK?" Tracey asked.
"Takate-kote, it basically means that your hands are tied behind your back," Zed replied, still not dropping his gaze.
Addison smiled and nodded.
"How do you know?" Eliza asked.
"Like Princess here said… who doesn't like a little light bondage every now and then..."
Addison almost blushed from the heated look he was giving her. Why did she decide to demonstrate on the only man she ever trusted enough to play with. She closed her eyes for a moment before continuing. "Rope is naturally intimate and sensual. But, it still has some dangers. Most of those come from being suspended, but even something as simple as a basic wrist tie is considered edgeplay."
"Edgeplay?"
Addison nodded again. "It has some risks. Not as extreme as playing with fire or knives, but it's there," she practically whispered as her thumb softly traced the scar on Zed's hand as she wrapped the silk around his wrists.
"When did you start with all this?" Tracey asked as he moved closer to get a better view.
"The first time was my Junior year of high school… my boyfriend and I were watching a movie and I made an off-hand remark about how hot the actress looked tied up. One thing led to another and we started experimenting. Before long we were both pretty skilled."
"Well that sounds hot," Tracey giggled. "Is this the same boyfriend who ripped your panties?"
"The very same..." she bit her lip, still holding Zed's gaze.
"Do you do this often?" Eliza asked.
Addison shook her head. "Other than the occasional self-tie, no."
"Why not?" Zed asked softly.
"Rope makes you feel a deep connection to the other person. It's all about intimacy and closeness. About giving total control and about bringing them completely and totally within your control… There's an inherent trust needed... And I've never trusted anyone else." she pulled the box knot tight and smiled. "How does that feel?"
Zed's breath was coming out in small pants. Not trusting his voice he just flashed her a smile and ran his tongue along the inside of his lip.
She let out a shaky breath before turning to Eliza. "Easy peasy box knot tie. Guaranteed to add some spice into even the most vanilla of relationships."
Eliza stood up and walked closer, examining the intricate wrapping and knot. "That's… yeah, I've got to try that out sometime."
Addison laughed and pulled a pack of gum out of her pocket. She popped a piece into her mouth and then opened another, popping it into Zed's mouth.
"You chew Juicy Fruit?" Eliza asked with an odd look.
"Mmhmm… especially after I smoke. You want one?"
Eliza shook her head. "No… The only person I know who does that is Z… how did you know he chews it?"
"Oh, I, um..."
Zed let out a laugh. "See, E! I told you! It's a well-known fact that Juicy Fruit covers the smell of weed better than any other flavor. Princess and I were talking about it at the gym just this morning."
Eliza looked between the two of them several times before finally shrugging. "Whatevs… I'm high as a kite and after that little intro into the world of bondage I need to see some action, sooooo I'm heading out…. Don't wait up for me." She said with a wink.
"And I need a drink..." Tracey said as he stood up and walked to the back of the bus.
The three of them waited until they were alone before letting out a collective sigh.
"Well… That was close," Zed laughed.
Addison looked over to him and smiled. "Oops."
"You wanna give me a hand out of this?" He asked holding up his bound wrists.
She smiled and ran a hand down the side of his face. "Nope..." She stood up and walked to the back to join Tracey.
Zed smirked and shook his head before looking over to Bonzo. "Little help?"
Bonzo held up his phone and snapped a picture. "Sorry… I've got a Face-time date with Bree… she's gonna love this…" he laughed as he stood up and walked off.
Zed rolled his eyes and smiled as he reached for the remote.
By the time Addison and Tracey walked back into the room, he had the stereo turned off and was scrolling through the horror section on Netflix.
"You look comfy..." Tracey teased as they sat down on the bench next to him.
He shrugged and stole a quick glance towards Addison as he continued to scroll.
"Ugh… I swear Netflix has the worst movie selections," she said with an exasperated sigh. "No wonder everyone just has sex."
Zed dropped the remote.
"DIBS!" Tracey called out, grabbing it from the floor before anyone else could get to it.
"Damnit..." Zed cursed.
Addison bit her lip to keep from laughing. "Oh, come here..." she said softly as she took his wrists and started to untie him.
"I was kind of enjoying that..."
She arched a brow. "Kind of?"
He smiled and shrugged.
"OH. MYGOD! This is my favorite movie ever!"
Addison looked up and cringed. "Anything but that garbage… Please."
"Excuse me?" Tracey turned to her with a look of horror. "Great Expectations is a national treasure! And don't even get me started on Missy Donnelly! The looks she serves..." he sighed wistfully. "She is a Goddess! I swear I will watch any fucking movie she is in." He took a closer look at Addison and gasped. "Has anyone ever told you that you look just like her? Especially in her early movies?"
Addison's eyes grew large. "Um..." She desperately tried to remain calm while she internally panicked.
"I don't see it."
They both looked over to Zed.
"What? Are you crazy?" Tracey said hopping up from next to her. "I can't believe I didn't see it sooner! Look at that jawline! And the eyes! And the..."
Zed shrugged. "Still not seeing it. But… whatevs… I'm with Princess on the movie thing, it doesn't have to be a scary movie, but I am not watching Great Expectations. I've seen rehearsals for high school productions that were better than that film."
Addison couldn't help the small smile that crossed her face. Of course, he would come to her rescue and throw in a bit of nostalgia.
Tracey let out an exasperated sigh and pulled out his phone. "Seriously... I can't believe you don't see…." he suddenly stopped and looked up at Addison, his eyes growing wide. He looked between his phone and her several times. "You. Me. Kitchen, NOW!" he said as he grabbed her arm and pulled her to the back of the bus.
"What is..." she started just as Tracey turned his phone around, showing her a paparazzi picture of her and her mother together. "Oh..."
"Oh? OH?! Is that all you're going to say?! You're Missy Donnelly's daughter?!"
"Shhhh…." she urged him. "And… no? I'm Casey Jacobs."
"Yeah, I don't think so. This says Addison Donnelly. And don't try to deny it. You might have white hair, but this is definitely you in this picture! I'd recognize that bored expression anywhere!"
"Tracey, look… You can't say anything."
"Why the hell not?! This is HUGE! If I were Missy Donnelly's kid I'd be telling the whole world! I'd be vacationing on some fancy yacht somewhere! I definitely wouldn't be crammed on a crowded tour bus living gig to gig! Why the hell are you even here?!"
"Because Bucky is a very dear friend of mine and he needed me to help him out when Lacey tossed your last bassist to the curb..."
He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "And Lacey would flip her shit if she found out you weren't a natural Acey..." he shook his head and smiled up at her. "You really are a doll… Giving up all that for us… Does anyone else know?"
"Other than Bucky? No..." she whispered, hoping he didn't see through her lie.
He pulled her into a hug. "When we're off this bus, I'm going to need a complete play by play of what it's like being the only child of THE Missy Donnelly!"
She cringed and pulled back to look at him. "Trust me, you don't want me to tell you… My mother and I haven't exactly been on speaking terms for years."
"Are you about to ruin my idle worship?"
"I'm afraid so… That woman is pure evil."
He sighed and hugged her again. "Fine...but at least now I know where you get your love of high-end fashion from!"
She laughed and hugged him back. "Cursed with good looks and expensive taste."
"Such the burden," he teased as he kissed her cheek. "All right, dollface… I'm going to go to bed. I need time to process this colossal revelation and if I go back out there it would only be a matter of seconds until I blabbed to Zedikins. I promise by tomorrow morning I will have this secret locked up tighter than Fort Knox."
"Thank you, Tracey."
The second he walked out of the room, Addison pulled out her phone and sent a screenshot.
Bartholomew
A- 1:47 am Aren't I paying your cousin to keep shit like this OFF the internet?
She shoved her phone back into her pocket and walked to the front of the bus, plopping down with an exasperated sigh next to Zed on the plush bench seat.
"So..." he whispered. "I'm guessing the secret is out?"
She nodded her head. "At least with Tracey."
"Is he going to tell anyone?"
She let out another sigh and shook her head. "No… I trust him. I mean, I've already taken the necessary precautions and that picture won't be out there much longer..."
He looked over and smiled. "Necessary precautions?"
"Have you tried googling me?"
He was silent for a moment before quietly responding, "I may have a time or two… never was able to find anything."
"Exactly…"
He shook his head. "Do I want to know?"
She bit back a laugh. "My brother knows a guy..."
Zed rolled his eyes and silently laughed. "Of course he does. What's good ole' Bartholomew up to these days? Is he a big-time mob boss?"
"Let's just say he decided to take on a more… managerial role."
"Managerial role?"
"It's probably best that I don't tell you too much more," she whispered with a wink.
He swallowed loudly and nodded. "So… still up for a movie?"
"Good subject change," she teased. "And, since everyone else has gone to bed or isn't here, we can watch whatever the hell we want!"
"The Exorcist it is!" he said with a victorious smile. He leaned over and switched off the lights before pressing play on the remote.
As the opening credits started, Addison leaned her head onto his shoulder and looked up at him. "Thank you..."
"For what?"
"Coming to my rescue and lying to Tracey that I don't look like my mother."
He smiled and brushed a piece of hair away from her face. "It wasn't a lie."
She rolled her eyes.
"Adds, I'm serious. I've never thought you looked like her…" His hand caressed her cheek as he looked into her eyes. "You're so much more beautiful…"
A soft blush spread across her cheeks as his hand ran down her cheek.
"It's after midnight… Happy Anniversary."
Her breath caught. "You remembered?"
"When are you going to realize that I remember everything when it comes to you?" he whispered as he leaned in closer.
"Hey, Princess, Bree wants to... talk to you..." Bonzo said as he walked into the room and read the situation. "Am I interrupting something?"
"Yes," Zed said through gritted teeth at the same time Addison let out a breathy "No..."
She looked over to Zed and gave him a tight smile. "Just friends… remember?"
"Yeah," he mumbled, running his hand through his hair in frustration. "Just friends..."
She stood up and took the phone from Bonzo. "Raincheck on the movie..."
She stared at the crack in the wall desperately to figure out how long it had been. It was summer when she arrived, but judging from the bitter cold, she'd have to guess it was well into winter now. Days and nights had long since started to blur together. When she was first brought to The Sisters of Quiet Mercy, she had managed to keep a running tally of days. Thirty-two. That's how long it took for her to give up hope that anyone was coming to bring her home. A failed escape attempt later and she was no longer given access to paper and pencils. Another failed attempt landed her in her current state. She pulled against the bed restraints, cringing as they cut further into her wrists.
The door creaking open brought her out of her thoughts.
"And how are we feeling this morning Ms. Donnelly?"
Addison ignored the nun, doing her best to turn away from her.
"Uh-huh-huh, deary. It's time for your medication… You wouldn't want to risk the baby by skipping your prenatal, would you?"
Addison rolled her eyes. Like anyone here was concerned about her baby.
"If you take these without a fight, I'll undo the restraints… Maybe even let you out into the activities room. You know how much you love the piano."
That caught her attention. She nodded silently and opened her mouth, taking the large pill and swallowing.
"That's a good girl." The nun moved to the bottom of the bed and began to undo the leg restraints.
Just as she felt her ankle being freed, she felt a sharp jab. She tried to sit up to see what had happened but everything around her was growing dim and eventually faded to black.
Warm brown eyes gazed into hers. "It's going to be okay, Baby. Keep fighting … I love you… Forever..."
Her eyes popped open. Darkness. It had only been a dream… or she was hallucinating. Nothing would surprise her at this point. She pulled hard at the restraints, feeling the warm sensation of blood running from the cuts that they caused. She choked back a sob. She wasn't going to give them the satisfaction of hearing her crying again. Playing music had always been her coping mechanism, but that was obviously out of the question now. She let out a deep breath and closed her eyes. Her fingers moving across imaginary strings.
"I look at the… world and… I notice it's turning…
While… my guitar… gently weeps..." she whispered in a raspy voice.
"With… every mistake… we must surely… be learning…
Still my guitar… gently weeps..." her throat burned and tears streamed down her face.
"ADDISON!"
She opened her eyes. Still nothing but the darkness of night.
"ADDIE!"
It was official. She was definitely hallucinating. She closed her eyes again. At least when her eyes were closed she hallucinated Zed, not the voice of her idiot step-brother.
The sound of an alarm blaring made her eyes open again.
"ADDIE-LOO!"
Maybe she wasn't hallucinating.
"ADDISON!"
"Bucky?" she hoarsed out. She grimaced as she swallowed, willing her voice to work. "Bucky?!" She took a deep breath and tried once more. "BUCKY!"
"ADDS!"
"I'M IN HERE!"
She could hear keys against the door.
"DALE! I FOUND HER!"
She sat up suddenly, covered in a thin layer of sweat and panting, clutching her chest. Another scream pierced through the darkness. It took her a second to realize that it was real and not just a residual from her nightmare. She took a deep breath in through her nose and exhaled before opening her bunk curtain to see what was going on. As she climbed down something grabbed onto her ankle. She bit back a scream of her own and looked down.
"Shhh..." Bonzo whispered, holding a finger against his lips.
Addison climbed into his bunk. "I thought I heard someone scream." Right on cue, it happened again.
Bonzo sighed. "Zed."
Her eyes grew wide. "What happened?!" she asked in a near panic. "Is he okay?"
Bonzo nodded. "It happens every now and then...why do you think almost everyone on this bus owns a pair of noise-canceling headphones."
"Wait, this is normal?"
He nodded again. "PTSD is a hell of a thing. It presents differently in all of us. For Zed… it's night terrors."
"Why the hell aren't you waking him up?"
"It'll pass. God only knows what he's dreaming about. It's not worth the risk of him lashing out unintentionally."
Addison was furious. "So you're just going to let him suffer?!"
"Nothing anyone can do..."
"Like hell, there isn't..." she snapped as she rolled out of his bunk and took off towards Zeds. The sounds of snores emanated from around her as she quietly climbed the ladder leading to his bunk. Slowly she opened the curtain. The sight before her broke her heart.
Zed was tossing and turning, his eyes scrunched tight and a grimace etched onto his face. He was covered in sweat.
"Zed..." she whispered, lightly nudging his shoulder.
His only response was to let out another scream.
She climbed into his bunk and straddled him, closing the curtain behind her. She shook both of his shoulders as hard as she could.
He grabbed her wrists roughly, still asleep.
"Z… please wake up..." she nearly cried.
His eyes popped open. "Baby..."
"I'm right here… shhh… everything is going to be okay…."
He let go of her wrists and in a move so fast she barely felt it happening, had them rolled over, pinning her beneath him.
"If I'm still dreaming, I hope I never wake up..." he whispered as he stared into her eyes.
She reached up and pulled him down to her, crashing her lips against his.
Their kisses were rushed, desperate and needy as their clothes came off. He sat back on his heels as much as the small bunk would allow and stared admiringly at her, calming the chaotic frenzy.
"Is this when you tell me we're just friends?" he whispered.
"Zed… shut up and fuck me."
His chest shook with silent laughter as he grabbed a condom from the shelf and ripped it open, sliding it over his length. "My pleasure, Baby..."
Her breath rushed as he slid into her with one hard thrust. She tried to quiet it, but the feel of him was just too much.
His lips hit her neck, causing chills to climb her spine. His teeth grazed as they started to rock to an old familiar song, their own twisted version of a lullaby. His thrusts were gentle and perfectly timed.
The temptation to scream his name was just too much. Fuck the band. She let out a loud moan.
He stilled. Someone sighed from one of the bunks. His rough hand covered her mouth. She inhaled through her nose and let out her breath slowly. They laid like that, with his dick fully engaged inside her, for several minutes.
The waiting was agony. She wanted more of him. She needed him moving, taking, imbibing.
He uncovered her mouth and resumed his gentle thrusts to the pulse of her throbbing clit. She was spread as wide as the small space would allow. Vulnerable. Naked. She should hate herself for allowing this to happen, but she couldn't.
Her beautiful rock star thrusted to a silent rhythm. Closing her eyes, she concentrated on the subatomic music they made together. The notes seeping into her mind and penetrating down into her soul. This was greater than any high, any drug, any addiction. It was pure and raw. It was them. As much as she didn't want to admit it, he was still her soul mate in every way. No inhibitions. No fear. No boundaries.
And when the sun came up, she was going to have to go back to pretending she didn't give a shit.
She pushed him away and rolled them so she was on her side. She drew up her bent legs to give him wider access, and his thrusts roughened. He yanked her face back toward his and stared into her eyes as he fucked her into oblivion. His lips fell on hers, softer than she expected.
His fingers moved to her clit, making her silently scream for release. She put her hips into it and assumed control of the thrusts, impaling herself over and over. He squeezed her tits so hard, she was sure she'd have bruises in the morning. Still kissing her, he paused a second before letting out a string of curses as he came. The feel of him pulsing deep inside her as he hit her g-spot from behind sent her over the edge. Blinding light blocked her vision as she doused the curtain with her release.
She quietly heaved for breath, still in shock. She'd never squirted before. Silently she hoped he hadn't noticed.
He reached around her and touched the wet fabric drape before bringing his fingers to his mouth and licking them.
She could feel his grin in the dark. His arms enclosed her in a blanket of cum and warmth and satisfaction. And then he kissed her. Not like a guy who was flailing in the wild throes of passion. Not like a guy motivated purely by sex. Not like a guy trying to shut her up and get rid of her, or any of the other ways she'd been kissed over the years. He kissed her like he used to. Like he was in love with her. Slow, careful circles floating on waves of desire. Without thinking, she answered with the same warmth.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yeah, this was one of those chapters where I had some trouble getting the flow to work for me. I've had most of the next chapter written since I started this story, so this one was really difficult to write for some reason. I apologize if it was kinda (or really) craptastic.
MUSIC USED IN THIS CHAPTER
Nicotine- Panic at the Disco
Animals- Nickelback
Miss You- Blink 182
While My Guitar Gently Weeps- The Beatles (Side note: This is also the song that Zed has a tattoo from)